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ninoexchange2017-07-01 03:01 am
nino_mod) wrote in ninoexchange2017-07-01 03:01 am
Entry tags:
fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
an_jung
For: an_jung
From: :3.
Title: Protecting You, Not Me
Pairing/Focus: Nino/Ohno
Rating: PG
Warnings: Slight angst
Summary: Nino was Ohno’s personal servant. Nino was assigned to keep guard over Ohno as Ohno would be the next shogun. However, both of them fell in love with each other in the wrong place, time, and situation.
Notes: Dear an-jung I really hope you enjoy this fic. I got worried with the shogunate terms, and I tried my best not to mess up with the plot as it is set in the shogunate era.
Thank you so much for senpai, S-sensei, also to my babies for the countless support and help.
Special thanks to the wonderful mod-san for the patience. And to the so much helpful beta-reader! <3 You’re the best girl ever.
Prologue
When the leaves were falling and the temperature was low, he began humming a song. There was a hint of some distant, longing, yet amiable kind of place, something homely. It was way too dreamy for him, as he knew he wouldn’t ever go back nor live even slightly close to that almost non-existent place again. His tears had dried just minutes ago after the realization struck him. He regretted lifting his head; he’d forgotten where he was. Because whenever he lifted his head now, he would only receive those unfriendly stares from the strangers he barely wanted to know. He wasn’t in a place where he could make merry and do anything as he wanted. He needed someplace secluded only to pour out his current feeling. He wanted to be selfish just this one time. That was why he ran and unexpectedly found a quiet place in a minute. He opted to linger here until someone looked for him or even until the sun set enough to leave him in the dark, the condition he disliked most as it would make him feel more lonely and the fear was real when he could barely see anything clearly in the dark.
His hideout was somehow relaxed and enlivening. The bushes around him and the still lively white flowers near the rock somehow made this place comforting. He noticed his current hideout was severe. It felt like someone had been taken care of this place. He vividly remembered his mother’s sad look as she bade him goodbye. At first he thought his mother was being silly, as he would only go back after three months just like he always did when he left for his studies. However, now he’d learnt that a mother’s look would never lie. There was only honesty displayed from what his mother gave him. He was only eight and confusion was clear and sometimes misunderstood, translated as being discarded. The remembrance of his dad’s words somehow was the only thing that made his crying stop all at once. He was a boy, and boys must be strong. At least that was the message left by his father for him.
By instinct he knew that the night would fall in the near time. His paranoia for the dark still couldn’t escape him even though he was urged to be self-sufficient. Even so, he hadn’t found the courage to go back to the crowd and instead came inside the palace-looking place. It was too big for his liking even though everything around it was sparkling and promised an exquisite life. His eyes started to swell and in no time, his tears were going to fall once more. Then, right at that moment, something smooth and warm like skin met his cheek. He jumped in surprise, creating some distance from a boy who was dressed too formally for his sight. He could tell this boy was an imperial person from the look of his dress despite the dirt on the side of his shoulder.
“Father said, a true man should never cry.”
The other boy suddenly said, which made him feel rather intimidated, but the need to rush out his tears was bigger. It was the same words that his father told him before he was brought to this unfamiliar place. An ache for his home overwhelmed him again, and then the sudden anger of unacceptance filled him. He pushed the boy hard, not caring about the whimper the boy let out when he saw him falling into the pond. He ran as fast as he could, wishing the wind could erase his streaming tears.
~
i.
There was a time when the fishes pooled around the pond, waiting expectantly for the upcoming bait to be fed down excessively. The owner didn't care even to the slightest bit about how much he pampered his aquatic pets. His stare was far away and there seemed to be more wrinkles around his lids. The heat might be one of the reasons causing the aging spots despite his young age. Yet the main reason for his wrinkles was something greater than the heat. At one moment, the owner sighed and stopped feeding before he started chattering to the fishes even though he was truly aware that he wouldn't receive any suggestions.
“I would prefer to be in the ocean, sailing in a wide space where no one can force my will.”
He let out a hard exhale after he stated out his personal issue. He bent his knees to a jogging position to see his fishes better. He envied them because they could live freely without having to think about complicated things or make hard decisions. He sighed again until he bumped into a rock behind him.
“If public knows how spoiled our young shogun is, I’m sure they would lose their respect for him.”
He didn’t have to turn around to see who the intruder of his private time in his very personal place was. To be exact, he didn’t even feel bothered by the sudden presence of this intruder. Because this guy somehow played an important role in his life and was one of the personal issues he was currently thinking about. All he wanted actually was to spread his arms wide, embracing this guy or at least dragging this intruder down to sit with him. His mind was split. He opted for the second option.
No longer than a minute, without any warning he pulled on the intruder’s hand, who now sat by him. The other man hissed in pain, wanting nothing but to stand up and brush off the dried soil which now clearly smeared on his outfit. “That hurts, Satoshi-dono,” the intruder whined, eyeing him sideways while doing nothing about the grip on his arm.
Satoshi didn’t take his hand off of his personal assistant, instead holding it tighter to keep him from going further. “I should have known I have a watcher now. Though he might not be on my side anymore after what my father has admitted him to.”
Satoshi’s personal assistant laughed softly, a melody he loved to hear for these past 10 years. “I am assigned to guard you, Satoshi-dono. Besides, if it’s weren’t for your father permission, I wouldn’t have any place to go. I don’t have many options.”
“Your tongue is trained well. No wonder my father puts his trust in you. But I know you better, Yuuji-dono.” His words weren’t venomous at all, and his personal assistant understood it well. Once the grip was loosened, he stood up before reaching his hand down to help his intruder slash personal assistant to sit aligned with him.
“Thank you, Satoshi-dono.” A small smile escaped from the thin yet mesmerizing lips across from him. The young shogun restrained himself from screaming out his the feelings in his heart. It was excruciating, but he couldn’t do much.
“How many times must I tell you to stop calling me that? I’m a mere man like you. Drop the politeness. I know how much of a brat my assistant is.”
Then once again that day, laughter rang as if he was hearing a call from heaven. Satoshi needed to compose himself to keep from doing anything stupid that he would regret. Sometimes being with the same person, who was specifically special, for more than a decade made him forget who he was and how different their statuses were.
It was already ten years since the first time Satoshi found out about his personal assistant. Their first meeting left Satoshi an impression that this boy might be the one who could release him from his boredom being in this huge house. That boy who looked fragile and forlorn had a fire in his eyes. Something interesting he never found before. People around him mostly lowered their eyes, not having any guts to look him right in his eyes. But this boy defied him. It was like meeting a wild animal, being aware of his surroundings yet not wanting to get caught or lost. However, before he could present himself well, he was pushed into his pond and didn’t even have a chance to somewhat express his interest to the boy. Nonetheless, about a year later, he was introduced to his new personal servant, who surprisingly was none other than the boy whom he set his eyes onto since the very beginning. He couldn’t feel more grateful than that, feeling blessed to be able to meet this boy again.
Occurrence by occurrence occupied their days which ended up being a reason to know each other well. They learnt about each other, understanding about one another’s character. His servant was different from any other servant who served an aristocrat like him. He didn’t hide his snarky remarks, and he would speak up about anything which didn’t suit his tastes, commenting on everything Satoshi did that sounded weird for him. Bizarrely, each of his servant’s comments was right. It was as if this servant had noble behavior. Satoshi was always proud to have this Kazunari as his servant. He kept his politeness whenever they were in public. But whenever they were together in private, Kazunari always dropped his politeness and never treated him as a young shogun.
This time, Satoshi knew Kazunari was just teasing him. He had had this gloomy atmosphere since the morning, and of course his servant understood well that there must be something bothering him. Satoshi sighed countless times that day. He could never hide his emotional feelings from his servant. He simply gave up and guided his servant to sit by the pool edge.
“They just informed me that I may be the one who will assist the next emperor. The Ohno family was chosen again by the empire as the main ruler. It seems the invasion Ohno clan made last week was successful. The warriors haven’t come back yet, but Father has received information that we won and another traitor who had taken over the west side has been taken down.”
His servant listened to him well, looking forward to what his master would say next.
“But the truth is, I never wanted to be a shogun. My life is somehow ruled. It has been decided since the very moment I came into this world. And it feels excruciating. I can’t decide anything on my own.” Satoshi stopped his tale again only to look at his looking-good servant. Deep inside his heart, his fingers really wanted to caress the smooth surface of his servant’s cheek. He needed the warmth which would radiate from it. “I’m actually glad. You kind of saved me. I was glad when my mother introduced you as my personal servant. You’re the only who isn’t afraid of me. And you’ve stayed by my side even after all these years. You’re simply there to correct me, accompany me when it’s so hard for the words to be spoken out loud. I was really helped. I really can’t imagine how my life would be without you.”
“You know, I’ve been dreaming about living as a commoner. Perhaps becoming a farmer or even a fisherman suits me better. What do you think?”
“Stop those thoughts, will you? Many people would want to be in your place, and they are willing to do anything only to assist the prince. And I think you fit that position. Your father is right about giving you the inheritance because no one fits that position but you.”
Satoshi groaned. He had expected this answer from his straightforward servant. But, couldn’t he be selfish? At least once in his life? “At a difficult time like this, why are you always right? I dislike this side of you. I was wishing for a bratty comment or just approval of me changing my responsibilities.”
His servant chuckled beside him. He wanted nothing but to live forever with his servant. His mind has scrunched up. “Hey, Kazunari, do you think I’m going to be happy?”
Satoshi might have lost his mind. He moved his hand on top of his servant’s hand. He joined them together and brought it up in between them. He ignored his servant’s betrayed look, continuing his own question. “Because my happiness is here. To be by your side, living peacefully where no one can bother us. Is that too much to ask?”
His servant was stunned. The color in his face left him; he looked like a man who had just seen a ghost. Satoshi obviously pretended not to see how shocked his servant looked. He leaned forward into his servant’s shoulder while their hands were still intertwined. “I’m in love with you. All I want is just to live with you without this stupid status quo nor any of those restrictions. I can’t be without you.”
As the realization struck his servant, Kazunari untangled their joined hands. Looking at his master in disbelief, he shook his head in disagreement before he finally left, leaving Satoshi alone with regret on his face.
~
ii.
He felt stupid for running away after receiving such a confession from the one he respected so much, who was none other than his master himself. He was actually aware of Satoshi’s feeling towards him. He noticed it unexpectedly some years ago when Satoshi began his official private hunting just with the two of them. At that time, it should have been Kazunari who took care of Satoshi as he was the servant who needed to keep guard over his master. However, Satoshi didn’t even complain about the situation they were having at that time, and he didn’t order Kazunari to do this or that. He did everything by himself and even served Kazunari the food he brought from the house. Satoshi even saved him from their wild prey one second when Kazunari lost his focus. Said prey was about to attack Kazunari as the servant was paying attention elsewhere, like worrying about the suddenly cloudy weather. The look on Satoshi’s face was something he would never forget. It wasn’t a mere worry. It was something more like fear of losing someone dear. Ever since that time, Kazunari paid more attention to each of Satoshi’s acts toward him. He enjoyed every moment of gentle attention Satoshi gave him whenever they were together. He just basked in it with delight, didn’t even waste a second of the time he passed with Satoshi. He always thought those kinds of moments could vanish anytime, so that’s why he always cherished their time together whenever he was with Satoshi.
Even so, Satoshi was still his master, the one he should defend with all of his life. When Satoshi stated out his heart’s feelings, instead of feeling uneasy about the confession, he was overjoyed. He was surprised, but it didn’t make him regret having Satoshi say those words to him. He sort of had waited for today to come. Every time Satoshi looked at him, it was always filled with that adoration the young shogun had rather than for a servant, but for a dearest one, somewhat like a lover.
Nevertheless he realized who he was. And the remembrance of it was the main thing which made him pale in his spot. First of all, their social status wouldn’t let them to be together. Satoshi could have a lot of problems if anyone in Ohno’s house noticed their relationship. He couldn’t bring any more matters to Satoshi as he too loved Satoshi too much. When the realization dawned on him that he could cause problems for Satoshi, just the mere thought of it pierced him. Satoshi couldn’t lose his inheritance as the next shogun because he thought Satoshi would be the best one to rule this messed up era. Satoshi had a heart of gold. He wouldn’t act without thinking. His strategy was vigilant and he was liked by most of the trained warriors. Kazunari once heard a conversation between a well-known samurai with a group of politicians that Ohno Satoshi was adored by some people, and they even supported him so much in becoming the next shogun after his father.
Another issue which made it impossible for him to be together with Satoshi was that Satoshi’s shogunate family would want Satoshi to have heredity to keep their family ruling the nation as help for the palace family as well. As a man himself, Kazunari did realize he couldn’t give what the house wanted. Satoshi could have mistresses but it would just pain him, and the biggest part here was that society still looked at two males together with sore eyes. It would be such a disgrace to Satoshi’s family. He didn’t want to be Satoshi’s burden. Satoshi’s life would be better if he was just a mere servant who could keep Satoshi guarded from any hypocrisy or vicious acts around him.
There was also one other thing Satoshi had yet to know about him. Satoshi might have not noticed about his past even though they had been living side by side for more than a decade. One way Satoshi was careless was in the fact that he didn’t investigate everyone whom he was close with. He simply thought of them as good people. He didn’t want to think much about them as they provided him with a good life and comfortable living. And all Satoshi wanted was to return that kindness with the same kindness as well. Satoshi didn’t consider any cruelty anyone could do to him when he behaved like this. This was actually why Kazunari was chosen to be Satoshi’s personal assistant, to protect Satoshi from any malice which could come anytime, unnoticed by the young shogun.
Actually his true identity was perfectly hidden by Satoshi’s father, the only one who knew the truth behind his fake name, Yuuji Kazunari. He came to Ohno’s house as he was sold by his mother. It was because Kazunari’s father was claimed as a traitor to Ohno’s family. Rumor had it that Kazunari’s father committed seppuku when Kazunari was very young. At his young age, he didn’t know why his mother kept crying or why his father never returned from hunting. He didn’t think much at that time until someone dragged him out of his house one rainy night. He couldn’t remember the rest of the night. All he could remember was the cold and the daunting stares some strangers gave him when he awoke in one cold room, shivering and alone. They gave him food but kept spitting at him, saying he was a disgrace and an ungrateful boy. At 8 years old, Kazunari didn’t understand well what kind of situation he was in. All he knew was to survive, to go back to his hometown and into the warm embrace of his mother.
In his teens, Kazunari found out the truth of his father’s death when he heard the rumor which kept coming up from the people around Ohno’s house. He was so mad at Satoshi’s father for shattering his family. He sought revenge for his father. Truth be told, his father never betrayed Satoshi’s family. Yet, he was set up by another clan to make him at fault. Then, Satoshi’s father declared that Kazunari’s father was the one behind the coup d’etat to take Ohno’s family away from the shogunate line. Once Kazunari learnt the truth, he would want Ohno’s family to suffer as his family did.
Nonetheless, later he would know that one of Ohno’s successors made him barely remember who he truly was. The pleasant aura of Ohno Satoshi almost blinded him from enacting his revenge. Little did he knew, he was in love with Ohno. As the time went by, he thought of giving up on the revenge. He didn’t want to make the one he loved feel the same pain as him, being discarded by his family and surrounded by a lot of people who hated him. However by looking at the situation, Kazunari envisioned something which could turn his revenge into a resolution. His goal had somewhat changed to a simply one, which was to clear the Ninomiya family’s name and be declared by the shogun that Ninomiya’s family was always loyal and always a grace to the samurai clan. But to complete his vision, he needed Ohno Satoshi to be the next shogun.
Kazunari noticed, if he was willing to have his revenge, he needed to be strong. With a samurai’s blood within himself, Kazunari learnt how to use a sword. At first he did it secretively, but one day, one of the loyal servants of Satoshi’s father found him out. He was reported to Satoshi’s father, and then later on that day, Kazunari was sent out to the shogun’s chamber. As a mere servant, he couldn’t hide from himself that he was worried, worried that his plan would be found out and in fear that the shogun would finish his life. Once he stepped into the chamber, instead what he received was a snicker from the shogun. “As expected, you are the true son of Ninomiya Kazuya.”
At that very moment, all Kazunari did was to bring his short knife to the man’s throat. His emotional self wanted him to finish the man before him. But then, something surprising came from the shogun’s mouth. “Be a guardian to my son and I will free the Ninomiya family’s name from disgrace. I know of the Ninomiya family’s loyalty. They would never betray their master, no matter what.”
And it left him dumbstruck. After all this time, the truth he’d been looking for and found out was false?
“Ninomiya Kazuya sacrificed himself to save his wife and his only son. After all these years, I needed to keep the truth to myself until I had the right time to tell you, the successor of the Ninomiya family. Your father died on his mission while he was saving Prince Matsumoto. One of the Kamizawa men threatened us as he took revenge for his boss’s loss. He targeted the rest of the Ninomiya family to be dead because your father had taken their boss’s life. We were afraid to lose the Ninomiya family, who at that time was only you and your mother. Your mother agreed to have you inside this house as it would protect you and keep you safe. Meanwhile, when we asked about your mother, she was baffled, worried that something might happen if you two were together in one place. So I asked the empire to accept her as one of their cooks. To avoid any more threats, I declared that Ninomiya was a traitor and had punished Ninomiya’s family by calling them a disgrace. I thought that this strategy would lessen Kamizawa’s anger while waiting for the right time for us to attack the Kamizawa clan back.”
“The mastermind of the coup d’etat was actually a relative of Kamizawa. They just expanded their power to the west side and they aimed to be the next shogun by cooperating with the Houjou clan. As we know, Houjou only wants power and high taxation to be paid to the daimyo, and he wants to take 70% of the tax back to his own pocket. I couldn’t let him rule the nation with his prickly mind.”
“I will clear the Ninomiya family under one condition. My eldest son, who is none other than your master, Satoshi, is supposed to be the next shogun. I would like you to guard him until he is ready for his ascension. My words are true. You only need to keep him away from those hypocritical people and hideous clans inside this Ohno house.”
Kazunari still had yet to process what the shogun had said to him. Everything came all at once, and it somehow made him dizzy. Before he could progress with his new knowledge, the shogun came at him. The shogun offered him a sword which had a familiar emblem on the scabbard. As he looked closer, it was the five clover emblem of his family crest. His eyes watered immediately as the realization dawned on him about the owner of the sword.
“Kazuya asked me to pass this to you when the time was right. I am sure it will be of more benefit in your hands rather than being kept in my storage chamber.”
That night, Kazunari cried out loud in front of the shogun. It was all the pain he had been feeling after all these years. Deep inside, he promised to himself to protect Ohno Satoshi and defend him with all of his life. To clear his father and his family name, he would protect Satoshi, and he would make Satoshi the next shogun.
The next morning, Kazunari awoke with dried tears on his face. An event from three years ago haunted him in his sleep as another remembrance of why he couldn’t be with Satoshi. He thought he would be fine, but his heart drummed so hard. It pained him, but his responsibility of clearing the Ninomiya name should be able to defeat his piercing heart.
~
iii.
“I’m not sorry.”
Satoshi uttered out loud from his bed when Kazunari opened his curtain the next morning after the incident in Satoshi’s pond. He barely moved from his bed, but his eyes were glued to Kazunari’s figure, to every move the servant made.
“Even if you don’t talk back or reply or give me any answers, I will never apologize.” Satoshi was being stubborn. He was being careless or maybe childish when he reconfirmed his sincerity, his eyes never leaving his servant until the younger guy halted in his morning chores.
It was when he decided to move closer, hand reaching for the younger’s smaller one. “Even though you will never approve, my heart is beating this way and I’m hardly able to resist this. It has always been this way since the first time I saw your tears in my mother’s pond.”
At the deep confession, Kazunari turned around fast, facing him straight on with a look of disbelief. He glared at Satoshi, reminding the young shogun silently of what he just said and of what responsibility he had to accomplish if he were true to his words. Satoshi, on the other hand, only looked at Kazunari with the same solemn eyes, only wanting to be reciprocated. “I know what I did and I’ve been good about hiding it until yesterday. I had to make a resolution. And I’ve told you.”
“Satoshi-dono, you can’t. You can’t be that selfish. The Satoshi that I know would never do such an act.”
“Then you have never known me. Where were you all this time? Aren’t you there floating around me, keeping an eye on me whatever I am doing? How can’t you tell, Kazunari?” He shot a glare to Kazunari who was shaking in his hold.
“We can’t, Satoshi. We can’t. I am your personal assistant and I always will be. That’s the boundary we have, no matter how much you want to neglect it.”
Satoshi loosened his hold on Kazunari’s arm, then pulled on one of Kazunari’s hands before he placed it in front of his chest. “I will never care about the status quo. I would rather run away with you and against my family, even against the world, only to be with you.”
He tightened his grip on Kazunari’s hand. His heart was beating faster as he finished his statement while letting Kazunari know how much he wanted the younger man in his life.
“You can’t use me as your escape. You need to face them, Satoshi. It’s the responsibility you have to bear. You know you can save lives from your position, yes? I need the caring Satoshi who always puts the good of others above everything.”
“Don’t you love me, Kazunari?” Kazunari’s eyes dilated at the sudden question. Satoshi kept staring at him as this was his last weapon to enter Kazunari’s somewhat stone heart. Satoshi should have known that the younger one had the same feelings as him. Even though Kazunari never said it out loud, he noticed the secret glances Kazunari always gave him whenever the younger one thought he didn’t notice he was being stared at. The longing look on Kazunari’s face showed him how much the younger also craved for him. It only needed reassurance to each other to keep this barely visible relationship going.
Kazunari held his breath, closing his eyes while answered, “I don’t love you.”
~
Iv
“Don’t you love me, Kazunari?”
The question reverberated inside Kazunari’s head the whole day. After his fake answer to his master, he went into ‘young shogun Satoshi’s personal assistant’ mode immediately. He couldn’t look at Satoshi in the eyes. It would only pain him, and Satoshi could see through him if they were to stare into each other’s eyes, reading each other’s feeling. Kazunari had made a promise to the shogun and he couldn’t break it as he should treasure the Ninomiya family and protect it in his own way. Even though it meant sacrificing his own feelings, his love, he tried not to care about it. After all, it would be best for them both. Satoshi would be the shogun. He would marry a beautiful woman, have children, and be happy with their family. Kazunari could be Satoshi’s shadow who could shield him, unnoticed, whenever Satoshi needed him.
Kazunari was somewhat glad that today, he spent his time with Satoshi publicly instead of sharing each other’s private time, as today there were many meetings involving the strategy of how to take down the rest of the Kamizawa clan, who had run away from the west side. Satoshi mesmerized him again with how he presented his diplomacy to aim Satoshi’s father’s statement. This was Satoshi’s place, surrounded by aristocrats, ruling and deciding. Satoshi should have known how important his position was instead of wanting to be together with Kazunari. Even so, Kazunari felt special. No matter how much he tried to refuse Satoshi’s feelings, he was actually ecstatic about Satoshi’s feelings toward him.
After the meeting was finished, Satoshi stood closer to him. He whispered something into Kazunari’s ear while slowly putting a paper to Kazunari’s opened palm.
Kazunari thought, perhaps Satoshi realized and finally apologized silently by giving him a letter. However what he found from the letter was the detail of a coup d’etat Satoshi would do once the night had fallen. Kazunari couldn’t let this happen. Satoshi should be the one who would assist the next emperor. Satoshi should be in the Shogunate line. Satoshi’s father should clear his family’s name.
He ran to Satoshi’s chamber, hoping to stop Satoshi’s. Yet, before he could set his feet into Satoshi’s residence, he could see the orange flames soaring up from Satoshi’s residence. It seemed, someone had known that the coup d’etat would be performed by the young shogun. And before Satoshi performed his act, that particular someone attacked first. He never said anything unintentional, even with the one saying that Satoshi had enemies who could attack him anytime. It included the people in Satoshi’s own house. Nino should have noticed it sooner. He shouldn’t have been mad at Satoshi and left him that way after the meeting. He should have stayed by Satoshi’s side almost all the time, even though Satoshi didn’t need him. Because that’s what his task was, and he was the only one who could accomplish it.
He screamed out Satoshi’s name as he was nearing Satoshi’s chamber. He shouted until his throat hurt. The conditions were so bad, smoke and flame everywhere. The fire was so huge it consumed almost every part of Satoshi’s residence. People around Satoshi’s place were lending a hand to help extinguish the fire. Kazunari couldn’t stand still. He needed to go inside to check whether Satoshi was still inside.
The maid said Satoshi was inside his chamber after the meeting and hadn’t come out since, even after the fire began flaming. They were afraid Satoshi was asleep and didn’t notice the smoke which had surrounded him, or worse the flame that could have burnt him. The thought itself haunted Kazunari. He couldn’t lose Satoshi. Satoshi still had the right to know his true feelings. Satoshi still needed to know who he was and how close their relationship was.
Kazunari dared himself. He ran into the burning residence, uncaring about the flame which was attacking him straight on. He shouted out Satoshi’s name, yet he didn’t hear any answer. He prayed hard that Satoshi had escaped the flames. His eyes blurred as the smoke entered his eyes, making his vision bleary. He could barely see his surroundings well, even after a pillar almost crushed him. He closed his eyes, waiting for the hard wood to crush him, but nothing came. Instead, when he peeked from one eye, it was Satoshi’s face filling his vision.
“You must live, Kazunari. You must live, fo..r me. I..love you.” With that, Nino went unconscious as something hit his head and the body on top of him fell before him.
Nino opened his eyes to a room which was cold and wet. He noticed this place as one of Satoshi’s family’s prison spaces. His head was heavy, and some of his joints were hurting.
“You’re finally awake. You really are a disgrace, Yuuji Kazunari. You let your master die before you could protect him. I thought you had your pride, but it seemed I was wrong.” At the mention of his master and death, Kazunari was fully awake. He gripped the cell tight, asking where Satoshi was. The guard cut him off, tying him up and wrapped around his mouth to keep him from screaming.
His inner self was hurting. It hurt so much to hear Satoshi died when he was protecting him. His scream was muffled by the rope around his mouth. The tears that streamed down his cheeks were almost unnecessary. He needed someone to kill him. None of his vision had come true. Satoshi died. The love of his life, the one whom he still owed his explanation, had left him. His vision to clear his family name also had vanished as he failed in his main task. The guard was right when he said Kazunari was a disgrace. Kazunari mourned his failure, hitting his head as hard as he could against the cold stone around him. He couldn’t let himself live. It was the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his life.
“I would love to kill you myself rather than see you hurt yourself on those innocent stones. Seeing you hurt yourself has shown me how much you regret to your failure. I am going to discard you to the south side, to a secluded place near Tsushima. You need to assist one of Satoshi’s important people over there. Make sure you don’t fail again this time.”
Kazunari glared at the shogun. How come this man didn’t show any of the sadness after he lost his son who was going to be his successor? Did this man have a heart? Kazunari wanted to spit, but his failure was absolute. Perhaps this was retaliation for his failure. He had lost his heart, so he didn’t mind being placed anywhere. He would always remember Satoshi’s look before the fire caught him. The solemn eyes Satoshi had for him, his sincere whispers to him, and his soft yet strong caresses would always be the ones Kazunari treasured for the rest of his life.
~
Epilogue
“Yuuji-dono, Yuuji-dono, look at what we find this morning. Taka-dono found a lot of seaweed. We can make a lot of onigiri for the whole village. They must be happy.”Aiba Masaki was known as the noisiest human being to ever exist in this village. Yet Kazunari never felt even the slightest bit bothered by Aiba’s loud noise. This tall man gave the whole village a cheerful radiance. And he somehow gave a homey nuance to the village. This man was also the one who kept cheering him up whenever he was down.
“You can wake up the whole village, Aiba-shi. For once in your life, can’t you turn down the volume of your voice?” Aiba knew Kazunari never meant his words, and he simply laughed away while giving half of the seaweed to him.
“Well well, Kazunari-shi, you shouldn’t complain too much. You are still young. It would be such a waste to have your smooth face filled with wrinkles.”
Before Kazunari could retort, Aiba had fled in the direction of his house. Perhaps he wanted to show off to Sakurai-dono, the rounin who just barely arrived in this village a month ago, his basket full of seaweed. Everyone in this village loved Aiba’s cooking. It was just as nice as his personality. It would give anyone who was eat his cooking sudden energy.
“Deep in thought about Aiba-dono? Be careful, young man. I may get jealous. You should never see Taka-dono’s jealous side.”
This time it was Kazunari who laughed as cheerfully as Aiba as he welcomed his important person back. “Welcome back, Satoshi.”
Satoshi jumped immediately into Kazunari’s welcoming figure. He peppered kisses to Kazunari’s face, hitting every surface his lips could reach. Kazunari giggled in between Satoshi’s kisses, the beard Satoshi had after sailing for two days straight tickling him. It was salty and Satoshi smelt strongly of ocean. His mixed scent of ocean, sun, sweat, and fishes didn’t disgust Kazunari. Instead, it was the one he missed from Satoshi. Satoshi was right when he said he was fit to be a fisherman. He was happier than when he was trapped in the Ohno house.
“How about coming inside? You can clean yourself while I’m preparing your food? Then after that you can do anything you want me to or, well... anything?” Kazunari made himself let go of Satoshi, yet both of them were still glued to each other. His teasing question somehow caught Satoshi’s interest. He smirked at Kazunari before pulling the younger man inside their little cottage. Satoshi could never reject food nor the offer from his beloved one. No, he could never resist. Satoshi loved Kazunari too much.
Kazunari felt grateful for how his life turned out. After the shogun discarded him, he had willed himself to serve any of Ohno’s family. His retaliation was the only thing he could do to pay for his failure. Yet what he found after days of traveling was the bright smile of the Satoshi he always dreamed of in his sleep. He refused to wake up if it only meant losing that smile. But even though he closed and opened them and repeated it many times, the image of Satoshi’s bright smile was too obvious. It was too real and it was too good to be true. He must be missing Satoshi a lot to have himself dreaming of the man he loved most. Yet a dream could never be this real. Satoshi in front him was tangible, not just a creation of his mind. He reached out to feel Satoshi’s cheek. It was soft, and the harsh patch marring Satoshi’s face was the only real way Kazunari knew that he wasn’t dreaming. Tears began to swell. “Is it really you?” Kazunari sobbed hard even before hearing Satoshi’s answer.
“It is me, the one who is crazy in love with you, Ninomiya Kazunari.”
Kazunari gaped at him. Ohno’s family seemed to love surprising him. Was his life a joke? Before Kazunari could ask all of his questions, Satoshi brought him into his embrace. “We are free now. I am free and you’re going to be mine. Please never run away from me again.”
Kazunari was hopeless. He only nodded his head as he was being hugged so tight by Satoshi. The couple took their time in delight, relishing each other in their hold.
The next morning, Kazunari was presented by an explanation from Satoshi of who should be the next shogun and what his main role was in this whole scheme. Satoshi had known Kazunari’s real name since long ago. He once met Kazunari’s mother on his visit to the palace. Kazunari’s mother told him about Kazunari and ever since that time, Satoshi paid more attention to Kazunari.
“I was just the same as your father. My true identity was hidden well by my father to make Ohno clan keep ruling. My brother was actually the real next shogun. I was just his shadow, and the whole act involving you and me and our appearance in the public was only to distract the enemy’s attention. It’s over now, Kazunari. However, my name was erased from my family. Also Ninomiya Kazunari has also gone as being discarded by the shogun. Live a brand new life with me. I’ll keep your name safe ‘till my grave because I can live forever with you, here, in this isolated area where no one can bother us.”
The confession Ohno just made only produced more tears from Kazunari. This time, they were tears of joy. He finally could be free, and the Ninomiya name was finally cleared. He had never been this happy in his entire life. He wasted no more time as he jumped into Satoshi’s embrace, hugging the love of his life tight, then whispering the words Satoshi deserved to hear.
“I’m in love with you too, Satoshi.”
-End
an_jungFrom: :3.
Title: Protecting You, Not Me
Pairing/Focus: Nino/Ohno
Rating: PG
Warnings: Slight angst
Summary: Nino was Ohno’s personal servant. Nino was assigned to keep guard over Ohno as Ohno would be the next shogun. However, both of them fell in love with each other in the wrong place, time, and situation.
Notes: Dear an-jung I really hope you enjoy this fic. I got worried with the shogunate terms, and I tried my best not to mess up with the plot as it is set in the shogunate era.
Thank you so much for senpai, S-sensei, also to my babies for the countless support and help.
Special thanks to the wonderful mod-san for the patience. And to the so much helpful beta-reader! <3 You’re the best girl ever.
Prologue
When the leaves were falling and the temperature was low, he began humming a song. There was a hint of some distant, longing, yet amiable kind of place, something homely. It was way too dreamy for him, as he knew he wouldn’t ever go back nor live even slightly close to that almost non-existent place again. His tears had dried just minutes ago after the realization struck him. He regretted lifting his head; he’d forgotten where he was. Because whenever he lifted his head now, he would only receive those unfriendly stares from the strangers he barely wanted to know. He wasn’t in a place where he could make merry and do anything as he wanted. He needed someplace secluded only to pour out his current feeling. He wanted to be selfish just this one time. That was why he ran and unexpectedly found a quiet place in a minute. He opted to linger here until someone looked for him or even until the sun set enough to leave him in the dark, the condition he disliked most as it would make him feel more lonely and the fear was real when he could barely see anything clearly in the dark.
His hideout was somehow relaxed and enlivening. The bushes around him and the still lively white flowers near the rock somehow made this place comforting. He noticed his current hideout was severe. It felt like someone had been taken care of this place. He vividly remembered his mother’s sad look as she bade him goodbye. At first he thought his mother was being silly, as he would only go back after three months just like he always did when he left for his studies. However, now he’d learnt that a mother’s look would never lie. There was only honesty displayed from what his mother gave him. He was only eight and confusion was clear and sometimes misunderstood, translated as being discarded. The remembrance of his dad’s words somehow was the only thing that made his crying stop all at once. He was a boy, and boys must be strong. At least that was the message left by his father for him.
By instinct he knew that the night would fall in the near time. His paranoia for the dark still couldn’t escape him even though he was urged to be self-sufficient. Even so, he hadn’t found the courage to go back to the crowd and instead came inside the palace-looking place. It was too big for his liking even though everything around it was sparkling and promised an exquisite life. His eyes started to swell and in no time, his tears were going to fall once more. Then, right at that moment, something smooth and warm like skin met his cheek. He jumped in surprise, creating some distance from a boy who was dressed too formally for his sight. He could tell this boy was an imperial person from the look of his dress despite the dirt on the side of his shoulder.
“Father said, a true man should never cry.”
The other boy suddenly said, which made him feel rather intimidated, but the need to rush out his tears was bigger. It was the same words that his father told him before he was brought to this unfamiliar place. An ache for his home overwhelmed him again, and then the sudden anger of unacceptance filled him. He pushed the boy hard, not caring about the whimper the boy let out when he saw him falling into the pond. He ran as fast as he could, wishing the wind could erase his streaming tears.
~
i.
There was a time when the fishes pooled around the pond, waiting expectantly for the upcoming bait to be fed down excessively. The owner didn't care even to the slightest bit about how much he pampered his aquatic pets. His stare was far away and there seemed to be more wrinkles around his lids. The heat might be one of the reasons causing the aging spots despite his young age. Yet the main reason for his wrinkles was something greater than the heat. At one moment, the owner sighed and stopped feeding before he started chattering to the fishes even though he was truly aware that he wouldn't receive any suggestions.
“I would prefer to be in the ocean, sailing in a wide space where no one can force my will.”
He let out a hard exhale after he stated out his personal issue. He bent his knees to a jogging position to see his fishes better. He envied them because they could live freely without having to think about complicated things or make hard decisions. He sighed again until he bumped into a rock behind him.
“If public knows how spoiled our young shogun is, I’m sure they would lose their respect for him.”
He didn’t have to turn around to see who the intruder of his private time in his very personal place was. To be exact, he didn’t even feel bothered by the sudden presence of this intruder. Because this guy somehow played an important role in his life and was one of the personal issues he was currently thinking about. All he wanted actually was to spread his arms wide, embracing this guy or at least dragging this intruder down to sit with him. His mind was split. He opted for the second option.
No longer than a minute, without any warning he pulled on the intruder’s hand, who now sat by him. The other man hissed in pain, wanting nothing but to stand up and brush off the dried soil which now clearly smeared on his outfit. “That hurts, Satoshi-dono,” the intruder whined, eyeing him sideways while doing nothing about the grip on his arm.
Satoshi didn’t take his hand off of his personal assistant, instead holding it tighter to keep him from going further. “I should have known I have a watcher now. Though he might not be on my side anymore after what my father has admitted him to.”
Satoshi’s personal assistant laughed softly, a melody he loved to hear for these past 10 years. “I am assigned to guard you, Satoshi-dono. Besides, if it’s weren’t for your father permission, I wouldn’t have any place to go. I don’t have many options.”
“Your tongue is trained well. No wonder my father puts his trust in you. But I know you better, Yuuji-dono.” His words weren’t venomous at all, and his personal assistant understood it well. Once the grip was loosened, he stood up before reaching his hand down to help his intruder slash personal assistant to sit aligned with him.
“Thank you, Satoshi-dono.” A small smile escaped from the thin yet mesmerizing lips across from him. The young shogun restrained himself from screaming out his the feelings in his heart. It was excruciating, but he couldn’t do much.
“How many times must I tell you to stop calling me that? I’m a mere man like you. Drop the politeness. I know how much of a brat my assistant is.”
Then once again that day, laughter rang as if he was hearing a call from heaven. Satoshi needed to compose himself to keep from doing anything stupid that he would regret. Sometimes being with the same person, who was specifically special, for more than a decade made him forget who he was and how different their statuses were.
It was already ten years since the first time Satoshi found out about his personal assistant. Their first meeting left Satoshi an impression that this boy might be the one who could release him from his boredom being in this huge house. That boy who looked fragile and forlorn had a fire in his eyes. Something interesting he never found before. People around him mostly lowered their eyes, not having any guts to look him right in his eyes. But this boy defied him. It was like meeting a wild animal, being aware of his surroundings yet not wanting to get caught or lost. However, before he could present himself well, he was pushed into his pond and didn’t even have a chance to somewhat express his interest to the boy. Nonetheless, about a year later, he was introduced to his new personal servant, who surprisingly was none other than the boy whom he set his eyes onto since the very beginning. He couldn’t feel more grateful than that, feeling blessed to be able to meet this boy again.
Occurrence by occurrence occupied their days which ended up being a reason to know each other well. They learnt about each other, understanding about one another’s character. His servant was different from any other servant who served an aristocrat like him. He didn’t hide his snarky remarks, and he would speak up about anything which didn’t suit his tastes, commenting on everything Satoshi did that sounded weird for him. Bizarrely, each of his servant’s comments was right. It was as if this servant had noble behavior. Satoshi was always proud to have this Kazunari as his servant. He kept his politeness whenever they were in public. But whenever they were together in private, Kazunari always dropped his politeness and never treated him as a young shogun.
This time, Satoshi knew Kazunari was just teasing him. He had had this gloomy atmosphere since the morning, and of course his servant understood well that there must be something bothering him. Satoshi sighed countless times that day. He could never hide his emotional feelings from his servant. He simply gave up and guided his servant to sit by the pool edge.
“They just informed me that I may be the one who will assist the next emperor. The Ohno family was chosen again by the empire as the main ruler. It seems the invasion Ohno clan made last week was successful. The warriors haven’t come back yet, but Father has received information that we won and another traitor who had taken over the west side has been taken down.”
His servant listened to him well, looking forward to what his master would say next.
“But the truth is, I never wanted to be a shogun. My life is somehow ruled. It has been decided since the very moment I came into this world. And it feels excruciating. I can’t decide anything on my own.” Satoshi stopped his tale again only to look at his looking-good servant. Deep inside his heart, his fingers really wanted to caress the smooth surface of his servant’s cheek. He needed the warmth which would radiate from it. “I’m actually glad. You kind of saved me. I was glad when my mother introduced you as my personal servant. You’re the only who isn’t afraid of me. And you’ve stayed by my side even after all these years. You’re simply there to correct me, accompany me when it’s so hard for the words to be spoken out loud. I was really helped. I really can’t imagine how my life would be without you.”
“You know, I’ve been dreaming about living as a commoner. Perhaps becoming a farmer or even a fisherman suits me better. What do you think?”
“Stop those thoughts, will you? Many people would want to be in your place, and they are willing to do anything only to assist the prince. And I think you fit that position. Your father is right about giving you the inheritance because no one fits that position but you.”
Satoshi groaned. He had expected this answer from his straightforward servant. But, couldn’t he be selfish? At least once in his life? “At a difficult time like this, why are you always right? I dislike this side of you. I was wishing for a bratty comment or just approval of me changing my responsibilities.”
His servant chuckled beside him. He wanted nothing but to live forever with his servant. His mind has scrunched up. “Hey, Kazunari, do you think I’m going to be happy?”
Satoshi might have lost his mind. He moved his hand on top of his servant’s hand. He joined them together and brought it up in between them. He ignored his servant’s betrayed look, continuing his own question. “Because my happiness is here. To be by your side, living peacefully where no one can bother us. Is that too much to ask?”
His servant was stunned. The color in his face left him; he looked like a man who had just seen a ghost. Satoshi obviously pretended not to see how shocked his servant looked. He leaned forward into his servant’s shoulder while their hands were still intertwined. “I’m in love with you. All I want is just to live with you without this stupid status quo nor any of those restrictions. I can’t be without you.”
As the realization struck his servant, Kazunari untangled their joined hands. Looking at his master in disbelief, he shook his head in disagreement before he finally left, leaving Satoshi alone with regret on his face.
~
ii.
He felt stupid for running away after receiving such a confession from the one he respected so much, who was none other than his master himself. He was actually aware of Satoshi’s feeling towards him. He noticed it unexpectedly some years ago when Satoshi began his official private hunting just with the two of them. At that time, it should have been Kazunari who took care of Satoshi as he was the servant who needed to keep guard over his master. However, Satoshi didn’t even complain about the situation they were having at that time, and he didn’t order Kazunari to do this or that. He did everything by himself and even served Kazunari the food he brought from the house. Satoshi even saved him from their wild prey one second when Kazunari lost his focus. Said prey was about to attack Kazunari as the servant was paying attention elsewhere, like worrying about the suddenly cloudy weather. The look on Satoshi’s face was something he would never forget. It wasn’t a mere worry. It was something more like fear of losing someone dear. Ever since that time, Kazunari paid more attention to each of Satoshi’s acts toward him. He enjoyed every moment of gentle attention Satoshi gave him whenever they were together. He just basked in it with delight, didn’t even waste a second of the time he passed with Satoshi. He always thought those kinds of moments could vanish anytime, so that’s why he always cherished their time together whenever he was with Satoshi.
Even so, Satoshi was still his master, the one he should defend with all of his life. When Satoshi stated out his heart’s feelings, instead of feeling uneasy about the confession, he was overjoyed. He was surprised, but it didn’t make him regret having Satoshi say those words to him. He sort of had waited for today to come. Every time Satoshi looked at him, it was always filled with that adoration the young shogun had rather than for a servant, but for a dearest one, somewhat like a lover.
Nevertheless he realized who he was. And the remembrance of it was the main thing which made him pale in his spot. First of all, their social status wouldn’t let them to be together. Satoshi could have a lot of problems if anyone in Ohno’s house noticed their relationship. He couldn’t bring any more matters to Satoshi as he too loved Satoshi too much. When the realization dawned on him that he could cause problems for Satoshi, just the mere thought of it pierced him. Satoshi couldn’t lose his inheritance as the next shogun because he thought Satoshi would be the best one to rule this messed up era. Satoshi had a heart of gold. He wouldn’t act without thinking. His strategy was vigilant and he was liked by most of the trained warriors. Kazunari once heard a conversation between a well-known samurai with a group of politicians that Ohno Satoshi was adored by some people, and they even supported him so much in becoming the next shogun after his father.
Another issue which made it impossible for him to be together with Satoshi was that Satoshi’s shogunate family would want Satoshi to have heredity to keep their family ruling the nation as help for the palace family as well. As a man himself, Kazunari did realize he couldn’t give what the house wanted. Satoshi could have mistresses but it would just pain him, and the biggest part here was that society still looked at two males together with sore eyes. It would be such a disgrace to Satoshi’s family. He didn’t want to be Satoshi’s burden. Satoshi’s life would be better if he was just a mere servant who could keep Satoshi guarded from any hypocrisy or vicious acts around him.
There was also one other thing Satoshi had yet to know about him. Satoshi might have not noticed about his past even though they had been living side by side for more than a decade. One way Satoshi was careless was in the fact that he didn’t investigate everyone whom he was close with. He simply thought of them as good people. He didn’t want to think much about them as they provided him with a good life and comfortable living. And all Satoshi wanted was to return that kindness with the same kindness as well. Satoshi didn’t consider any cruelty anyone could do to him when he behaved like this. This was actually why Kazunari was chosen to be Satoshi’s personal assistant, to protect Satoshi from any malice which could come anytime, unnoticed by the young shogun.
Actually his true identity was perfectly hidden by Satoshi’s father, the only one who knew the truth behind his fake name, Yuuji Kazunari. He came to Ohno’s house as he was sold by his mother. It was because Kazunari’s father was claimed as a traitor to Ohno’s family. Rumor had it that Kazunari’s father committed seppuku when Kazunari was very young. At his young age, he didn’t know why his mother kept crying or why his father never returned from hunting. He didn’t think much at that time until someone dragged him out of his house one rainy night. He couldn’t remember the rest of the night. All he could remember was the cold and the daunting stares some strangers gave him when he awoke in one cold room, shivering and alone. They gave him food but kept spitting at him, saying he was a disgrace and an ungrateful boy. At 8 years old, Kazunari didn’t understand well what kind of situation he was in. All he knew was to survive, to go back to his hometown and into the warm embrace of his mother.
In his teens, Kazunari found out the truth of his father’s death when he heard the rumor which kept coming up from the people around Ohno’s house. He was so mad at Satoshi’s father for shattering his family. He sought revenge for his father. Truth be told, his father never betrayed Satoshi’s family. Yet, he was set up by another clan to make him at fault. Then, Satoshi’s father declared that Kazunari’s father was the one behind the coup d’etat to take Ohno’s family away from the shogunate line. Once Kazunari learnt the truth, he would want Ohno’s family to suffer as his family did.
Nonetheless, later he would know that one of Ohno’s successors made him barely remember who he truly was. The pleasant aura of Ohno Satoshi almost blinded him from enacting his revenge. Little did he knew, he was in love with Ohno. As the time went by, he thought of giving up on the revenge. He didn’t want to make the one he loved feel the same pain as him, being discarded by his family and surrounded by a lot of people who hated him. However by looking at the situation, Kazunari envisioned something which could turn his revenge into a resolution. His goal had somewhat changed to a simply one, which was to clear the Ninomiya family’s name and be declared by the shogun that Ninomiya’s family was always loyal and always a grace to the samurai clan. But to complete his vision, he needed Ohno Satoshi to be the next shogun.
Kazunari noticed, if he was willing to have his revenge, he needed to be strong. With a samurai’s blood within himself, Kazunari learnt how to use a sword. At first he did it secretively, but one day, one of the loyal servants of Satoshi’s father found him out. He was reported to Satoshi’s father, and then later on that day, Kazunari was sent out to the shogun’s chamber. As a mere servant, he couldn’t hide from himself that he was worried, worried that his plan would be found out and in fear that the shogun would finish his life. Once he stepped into the chamber, instead what he received was a snicker from the shogun. “As expected, you are the true son of Ninomiya Kazuya.”
At that very moment, all Kazunari did was to bring his short knife to the man’s throat. His emotional self wanted him to finish the man before him. But then, something surprising came from the shogun’s mouth. “Be a guardian to my son and I will free the Ninomiya family’s name from disgrace. I know of the Ninomiya family’s loyalty. They would never betray their master, no matter what.”
And it left him dumbstruck. After all this time, the truth he’d been looking for and found out was false?
“Ninomiya Kazuya sacrificed himself to save his wife and his only son. After all these years, I needed to keep the truth to myself until I had the right time to tell you, the successor of the Ninomiya family. Your father died on his mission while he was saving Prince Matsumoto. One of the Kamizawa men threatened us as he took revenge for his boss’s loss. He targeted the rest of the Ninomiya family to be dead because your father had taken their boss’s life. We were afraid to lose the Ninomiya family, who at that time was only you and your mother. Your mother agreed to have you inside this house as it would protect you and keep you safe. Meanwhile, when we asked about your mother, she was baffled, worried that something might happen if you two were together in one place. So I asked the empire to accept her as one of their cooks. To avoid any more threats, I declared that Ninomiya was a traitor and had punished Ninomiya’s family by calling them a disgrace. I thought that this strategy would lessen Kamizawa’s anger while waiting for the right time for us to attack the Kamizawa clan back.”
“The mastermind of the coup d’etat was actually a relative of Kamizawa. They just expanded their power to the west side and they aimed to be the next shogun by cooperating with the Houjou clan. As we know, Houjou only wants power and high taxation to be paid to the daimyo, and he wants to take 70% of the tax back to his own pocket. I couldn’t let him rule the nation with his prickly mind.”
“I will clear the Ninomiya family under one condition. My eldest son, who is none other than your master, Satoshi, is supposed to be the next shogun. I would like you to guard him until he is ready for his ascension. My words are true. You only need to keep him away from those hypocritical people and hideous clans inside this Ohno house.”
Kazunari still had yet to process what the shogun had said to him. Everything came all at once, and it somehow made him dizzy. Before he could progress with his new knowledge, the shogun came at him. The shogun offered him a sword which had a familiar emblem on the scabbard. As he looked closer, it was the five clover emblem of his family crest. His eyes watered immediately as the realization dawned on him about the owner of the sword.
“Kazuya asked me to pass this to you when the time was right. I am sure it will be of more benefit in your hands rather than being kept in my storage chamber.”
That night, Kazunari cried out loud in front of the shogun. It was all the pain he had been feeling after all these years. Deep inside, he promised to himself to protect Ohno Satoshi and defend him with all of his life. To clear his father and his family name, he would protect Satoshi, and he would make Satoshi the next shogun.
The next morning, Kazunari awoke with dried tears on his face. An event from three years ago haunted him in his sleep as another remembrance of why he couldn’t be with Satoshi. He thought he would be fine, but his heart drummed so hard. It pained him, but his responsibility of clearing the Ninomiya name should be able to defeat his piercing heart.
~
iii.
“I’m not sorry.”
Satoshi uttered out loud from his bed when Kazunari opened his curtain the next morning after the incident in Satoshi’s pond. He barely moved from his bed, but his eyes were glued to Kazunari’s figure, to every move the servant made.
“Even if you don’t talk back or reply or give me any answers, I will never apologize.” Satoshi was being stubborn. He was being careless or maybe childish when he reconfirmed his sincerity, his eyes never leaving his servant until the younger guy halted in his morning chores.
It was when he decided to move closer, hand reaching for the younger’s smaller one. “Even though you will never approve, my heart is beating this way and I’m hardly able to resist this. It has always been this way since the first time I saw your tears in my mother’s pond.”
At the deep confession, Kazunari turned around fast, facing him straight on with a look of disbelief. He glared at Satoshi, reminding the young shogun silently of what he just said and of what responsibility he had to accomplish if he were true to his words. Satoshi, on the other hand, only looked at Kazunari with the same solemn eyes, only wanting to be reciprocated. “I know what I did and I’ve been good about hiding it until yesterday. I had to make a resolution. And I’ve told you.”
“Satoshi-dono, you can’t. You can’t be that selfish. The Satoshi that I know would never do such an act.”
“Then you have never known me. Where were you all this time? Aren’t you there floating around me, keeping an eye on me whatever I am doing? How can’t you tell, Kazunari?” He shot a glare to Kazunari who was shaking in his hold.
“We can’t, Satoshi. We can’t. I am your personal assistant and I always will be. That’s the boundary we have, no matter how much you want to neglect it.”
Satoshi loosened his hold on Kazunari’s arm, then pulled on one of Kazunari’s hands before he placed it in front of his chest. “I will never care about the status quo. I would rather run away with you and against my family, even against the world, only to be with you.”
He tightened his grip on Kazunari’s hand. His heart was beating faster as he finished his statement while letting Kazunari know how much he wanted the younger man in his life.
“You can’t use me as your escape. You need to face them, Satoshi. It’s the responsibility you have to bear. You know you can save lives from your position, yes? I need the caring Satoshi who always puts the good of others above everything.”
“Don’t you love me, Kazunari?” Kazunari’s eyes dilated at the sudden question. Satoshi kept staring at him as this was his last weapon to enter Kazunari’s somewhat stone heart. Satoshi should have known that the younger one had the same feelings as him. Even though Kazunari never said it out loud, he noticed the secret glances Kazunari always gave him whenever the younger one thought he didn’t notice he was being stared at. The longing look on Kazunari’s face showed him how much the younger also craved for him. It only needed reassurance to each other to keep this barely visible relationship going.
Kazunari held his breath, closing his eyes while answered, “I don’t love you.”
~
Iv
“Don’t you love me, Kazunari?”
The question reverberated inside Kazunari’s head the whole day. After his fake answer to his master, he went into ‘young shogun Satoshi’s personal assistant’ mode immediately. He couldn’t look at Satoshi in the eyes. It would only pain him, and Satoshi could see through him if they were to stare into each other’s eyes, reading each other’s feeling. Kazunari had made a promise to the shogun and he couldn’t break it as he should treasure the Ninomiya family and protect it in his own way. Even though it meant sacrificing his own feelings, his love, he tried not to care about it. After all, it would be best for them both. Satoshi would be the shogun. He would marry a beautiful woman, have children, and be happy with their family. Kazunari could be Satoshi’s shadow who could shield him, unnoticed, whenever Satoshi needed him.
Kazunari was somewhat glad that today, he spent his time with Satoshi publicly instead of sharing each other’s private time, as today there were many meetings involving the strategy of how to take down the rest of the Kamizawa clan, who had run away from the west side. Satoshi mesmerized him again with how he presented his diplomacy to aim Satoshi’s father’s statement. This was Satoshi’s place, surrounded by aristocrats, ruling and deciding. Satoshi should have known how important his position was instead of wanting to be together with Kazunari. Even so, Kazunari felt special. No matter how much he tried to refuse Satoshi’s feelings, he was actually ecstatic about Satoshi’s feelings toward him.
After the meeting was finished, Satoshi stood closer to him. He whispered something into Kazunari’s ear while slowly putting a paper to Kazunari’s opened palm.
Kazunari thought, perhaps Satoshi realized and finally apologized silently by giving him a letter. However what he found from the letter was the detail of a coup d’etat Satoshi would do once the night had fallen. Kazunari couldn’t let this happen. Satoshi should be the one who would assist the next emperor. Satoshi should be in the Shogunate line. Satoshi’s father should clear his family’s name.
He ran to Satoshi’s chamber, hoping to stop Satoshi’s. Yet, before he could set his feet into Satoshi’s residence, he could see the orange flames soaring up from Satoshi’s residence. It seemed, someone had known that the coup d’etat would be performed by the young shogun. And before Satoshi performed his act, that particular someone attacked first. He never said anything unintentional, even with the one saying that Satoshi had enemies who could attack him anytime. It included the people in Satoshi’s own house. Nino should have noticed it sooner. He shouldn’t have been mad at Satoshi and left him that way after the meeting. He should have stayed by Satoshi’s side almost all the time, even though Satoshi didn’t need him. Because that’s what his task was, and he was the only one who could accomplish it.
He screamed out Satoshi’s name as he was nearing Satoshi’s chamber. He shouted until his throat hurt. The conditions were so bad, smoke and flame everywhere. The fire was so huge it consumed almost every part of Satoshi’s residence. People around Satoshi’s place were lending a hand to help extinguish the fire. Kazunari couldn’t stand still. He needed to go inside to check whether Satoshi was still inside.
The maid said Satoshi was inside his chamber after the meeting and hadn’t come out since, even after the fire began flaming. They were afraid Satoshi was asleep and didn’t notice the smoke which had surrounded him, or worse the flame that could have burnt him. The thought itself haunted Kazunari. He couldn’t lose Satoshi. Satoshi still had the right to know his true feelings. Satoshi still needed to know who he was and how close their relationship was.
Kazunari dared himself. He ran into the burning residence, uncaring about the flame which was attacking him straight on. He shouted out Satoshi’s name, yet he didn’t hear any answer. He prayed hard that Satoshi had escaped the flames. His eyes blurred as the smoke entered his eyes, making his vision bleary. He could barely see his surroundings well, even after a pillar almost crushed him. He closed his eyes, waiting for the hard wood to crush him, but nothing came. Instead, when he peeked from one eye, it was Satoshi’s face filling his vision.
“You must live, Kazunari. You must live, fo..r me. I..love you.” With that, Nino went unconscious as something hit his head and the body on top of him fell before him.
Nino opened his eyes to a room which was cold and wet. He noticed this place as one of Satoshi’s family’s prison spaces. His head was heavy, and some of his joints were hurting.
“You’re finally awake. You really are a disgrace, Yuuji Kazunari. You let your master die before you could protect him. I thought you had your pride, but it seemed I was wrong.” At the mention of his master and death, Kazunari was fully awake. He gripped the cell tight, asking where Satoshi was. The guard cut him off, tying him up and wrapped around his mouth to keep him from screaming.
His inner self was hurting. It hurt so much to hear Satoshi died when he was protecting him. His scream was muffled by the rope around his mouth. The tears that streamed down his cheeks were almost unnecessary. He needed someone to kill him. None of his vision had come true. Satoshi died. The love of his life, the one whom he still owed his explanation, had left him. His vision to clear his family name also had vanished as he failed in his main task. The guard was right when he said Kazunari was a disgrace. Kazunari mourned his failure, hitting his head as hard as he could against the cold stone around him. He couldn’t let himself live. It was the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his life.
“I would love to kill you myself rather than see you hurt yourself on those innocent stones. Seeing you hurt yourself has shown me how much you regret to your failure. I am going to discard you to the south side, to a secluded place near Tsushima. You need to assist one of Satoshi’s important people over there. Make sure you don’t fail again this time.”
Kazunari glared at the shogun. How come this man didn’t show any of the sadness after he lost his son who was going to be his successor? Did this man have a heart? Kazunari wanted to spit, but his failure was absolute. Perhaps this was retaliation for his failure. He had lost his heart, so he didn’t mind being placed anywhere. He would always remember Satoshi’s look before the fire caught him. The solemn eyes Satoshi had for him, his sincere whispers to him, and his soft yet strong caresses would always be the ones Kazunari treasured for the rest of his life.
~
Epilogue
“Yuuji-dono, Yuuji-dono, look at what we find this morning. Taka-dono found a lot of seaweed. We can make a lot of onigiri for the whole village. They must be happy.”Aiba Masaki was known as the noisiest human being to ever exist in this village. Yet Kazunari never felt even the slightest bit bothered by Aiba’s loud noise. This tall man gave the whole village a cheerful radiance. And he somehow gave a homey nuance to the village. This man was also the one who kept cheering him up whenever he was down.
“You can wake up the whole village, Aiba-shi. For once in your life, can’t you turn down the volume of your voice?” Aiba knew Kazunari never meant his words, and he simply laughed away while giving half of the seaweed to him.
“Well well, Kazunari-shi, you shouldn’t complain too much. You are still young. It would be such a waste to have your smooth face filled with wrinkles.”
Before Kazunari could retort, Aiba had fled in the direction of his house. Perhaps he wanted to show off to Sakurai-dono, the rounin who just barely arrived in this village a month ago, his basket full of seaweed. Everyone in this village loved Aiba’s cooking. It was just as nice as his personality. It would give anyone who was eat his cooking sudden energy.
“Deep in thought about Aiba-dono? Be careful, young man. I may get jealous. You should never see Taka-dono’s jealous side.”
This time it was Kazunari who laughed as cheerfully as Aiba as he welcomed his important person back. “Welcome back, Satoshi.”
Satoshi jumped immediately into Kazunari’s welcoming figure. He peppered kisses to Kazunari’s face, hitting every surface his lips could reach. Kazunari giggled in between Satoshi’s kisses, the beard Satoshi had after sailing for two days straight tickling him. It was salty and Satoshi smelt strongly of ocean. His mixed scent of ocean, sun, sweat, and fishes didn’t disgust Kazunari. Instead, it was the one he missed from Satoshi. Satoshi was right when he said he was fit to be a fisherman. He was happier than when he was trapped in the Ohno house.
“How about coming inside? You can clean yourself while I’m preparing your food? Then after that you can do anything you want me to or, well... anything?” Kazunari made himself let go of Satoshi, yet both of them were still glued to each other. His teasing question somehow caught Satoshi’s interest. He smirked at Kazunari before pulling the younger man inside their little cottage. Satoshi could never reject food nor the offer from his beloved one. No, he could never resist. Satoshi loved Kazunari too much.
Kazunari felt grateful for how his life turned out. After the shogun discarded him, he had willed himself to serve any of Ohno’s family. His retaliation was the only thing he could do to pay for his failure. Yet what he found after days of traveling was the bright smile of the Satoshi he always dreamed of in his sleep. He refused to wake up if it only meant losing that smile. But even though he closed and opened them and repeated it many times, the image of Satoshi’s bright smile was too obvious. It was too real and it was too good to be true. He must be missing Satoshi a lot to have himself dreaming of the man he loved most. Yet a dream could never be this real. Satoshi in front him was tangible, not just a creation of his mind. He reached out to feel Satoshi’s cheek. It was soft, and the harsh patch marring Satoshi’s face was the only real way Kazunari knew that he wasn’t dreaming. Tears began to swell. “Is it really you?” Kazunari sobbed hard even before hearing Satoshi’s answer.
“It is me, the one who is crazy in love with you, Ninomiya Kazunari.”
Kazunari gaped at him. Ohno’s family seemed to love surprising him. Was his life a joke? Before Kazunari could ask all of his questions, Satoshi brought him into his embrace. “We are free now. I am free and you’re going to be mine. Please never run away from me again.”
Kazunari was hopeless. He only nodded his head as he was being hugged so tight by Satoshi. The couple took their time in delight, relishing each other in their hold.
The next morning, Kazunari was presented by an explanation from Satoshi of who should be the next shogun and what his main role was in this whole scheme. Satoshi had known Kazunari’s real name since long ago. He once met Kazunari’s mother on his visit to the palace. Kazunari’s mother told him about Kazunari and ever since that time, Satoshi paid more attention to Kazunari.
“I was just the same as your father. My true identity was hidden well by my father to make Ohno clan keep ruling. My brother was actually the real next shogun. I was just his shadow, and the whole act involving you and me and our appearance in the public was only to distract the enemy’s attention. It’s over now, Kazunari. However, my name was erased from my family. Also Ninomiya Kazunari has also gone as being discarded by the shogun. Live a brand new life with me. I’ll keep your name safe ‘till my grave because I can live forever with you, here, in this isolated area where no one can bother us.”
The confession Ohno just made only produced more tears from Kazunari. This time, they were tears of joy. He finally could be free, and the Ninomiya name was finally cleared. He had never been this happy in his entire life. He wasted no more time as he jumped into Satoshi’s embrace, hugging the love of his life tight, then whispering the words Satoshi deserved to hear.
“I’m in love with you too, Satoshi.”
-End
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It's wonderful they can be together in the end without having to worry about family obligations. I am happy for them! Thank you, Anon!
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fisrt. thank you sooooo much for making this fic. i am craving some historical fanfic and you make it really great!!!
i love every reversal in this fic, i couldnt predict XD
the way they fallin in love, but they have status as restiction make it more breathtaking. i cant wait to know the ending the whole time i read this!
i dont know palace can be this twisted XD
and of course i love the ending, i nearly cried when Ohno "died" but you make them together. And ohno as fisherman is indeed great. thank you!!!
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I really like the happy ending!
Thanks for writing!
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"I don't love you."
"You must live, fo...r me. I...love you."
My heart shattered twice in this entire story and I sniffled at the thought that Ohno died.
UNTIL HE LIVED TO BRING THEM BOTH AWAY TOGETHER. (THANK YOU ANON I NEEDED THIS ENDING)
Ahh~ Now Fisherman Ohno can live peacefully with his beloved waifu. :3
Thanks so much for writing this, anon! My Ohmiya heart is full ; v ;
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Your style really fits this type of fic.
The story starts very beautifully, and you carry the whole story through with grace. I noticed I was holding my breath only when my tears started rolling. I just couldn't function after I thought my precious bby was going to die.
I still need to process the ending, I'm just so happy and relieved now.