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ninoexchange2011-06-19 07:47 am
nino-mod.livejournal.com) wrote in ninoexchange2011-06-19 07:47 am
Entry tags:
fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kametoahiru
For: kametoahiru
From:spiegelaugen
Title: Silence: Lost in Desperation
Pairing/Focus: Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: smut
Summary: One night, Ohno Satoshi finds a hurt young man in a ditch, who ends up turning his whole life on its head. Used to fighting against the boredom of his daily routine, Ohno now finds himself fighting to get his life back on track. But the young man’s gratitude is anything but helpful during this.
Notes: This was my first exchange and it was really fun :) Dearkametoahiru, this story is for you and I hope you enjoy it, even when there is only a small part which is a bit bondage-like :D ♥
#1
The streets were dark, deserted and dead silent around him with his heavy breathing the only thing he could hear. His whole body trembled uncontrollably.
He didn't feel anything, didn't think anything, he just channeled all his remaining strength into putting one foot in front of the other. His body had long since stopped listening to him and now only functioned because of a dull will to survive. The most important thing now was that he kept moving, that he got away, far away, even though he had no idea where he was or where he was going.
Every step took him a little further away, further away from what had happened. Fighting to suppress his thoughts and memories, he dragged himself on, becoming weaker with every step. His naked feet hurt, but he hardly felt them; they only felt numb. The ground beneath him was cold, the blacktop hard. The soles of his feet burned from walking so much, but at the same time they were freezing from the cold. But he had to go on.
He had to keep moving.
But his body could no longer endure the physical exertion, it rebelled against his attempts to keep going and suddenly catapulted him into complete blackness.
He was already floating away and barely felt his body hit the ground, the pain of his fall was only a fleeting sensation. Yet the rain that drenched him more with every minute he was unconscious didn't even register.
#2
It was another day that he dragged himself home with a headache; but also another day that was finally over.
Ohno Satoshi was one of those people that just went with the flow, tried as hard as they could not to question the course of their life, but failed miserably. He was unhappy. Unhappy with himself, with his job, with everything around him. He was the perfect cliché, just like the people you meet in films and books: Something was missing from Ohno Satoshi's life. But unlike the people that asked themselves what on earth could be missing from my life on the cinema screens, Ohno already knew the answer. He was reminded of it every night when he returned to his empty apartment, mumbled an almost inaudible 'I'm home' into the silence and then spent the night alone again. Too tired from work to keep friends and too exhausted from his lethargic life to go out and meet new people.
Or maybe it was because he was ashamed of his boring life and didn't want to let anyone else take part in it, he sometimes thought.
Even though he knew without a doubt that he was missing this 'person by his side'.
When the clouds drew together above his head, Ohno picked up his pace. But it was already too late, a second later he felt the first rain drops hit his nose. He wrinkled his nose against the unpleasant wetness and started to run, hoping that he would get home before he was soaked through. But he was sorely disappointed, moments later the heavens opened up and the rain pelted down on him relentlessly.
'Damn, that's all I needed!' he cursed silently. He almost ran past the person curled up in the ditch.
'Huh?'
#3
The boy now sleeping on his sofa looked barely eighteen, maybe even younger. Ohno had sat down on the floor across from him and was watching his chest rise and fall slowly. He had tilted his head to the side, and for the last fifteen minutes he had been contemplating what someone else would do when put in this situation. Probably call a doctor, or the police, but Ohno had quickly decided against that. The boy didn't seem to be hurt badly, he only had a scrape on his cheek and dirty feet.
But that wasn't what had made him let the boy sleep on his sofa for a while - the reason was that with the boy there, he wasn't alone for once. Ohno had even laughed at himself when he had realized this. There was, after all, a complete stranger sleeping on his sofa; he was most likely in serious trouble, but he nonetheless chased the loneliness out of his living room.
'So this is what I've come to,' Ohno told himself, tilting his head in the other direction. He absentmindedly chewed on his lower lip and kept watching the boy.
"Did you run away from home? Maybe you fought with your parents, or they grounded you. But why did you faint?" Ohno asked him, making his voice sound as gentle as possible. Usually he didn't talk to himself - despite the loneliness - but the situation was totally different now. Maybe the boy could even hear him, regardless of how deep inside his subconscious his mind was wandering.
"I think... I can leave you alone for a few moments, right?" he asked the boy quickly and went into the bathroom. He had to get out of the wet clothes that were still clinging to his body; the rain hadn't spared him at all. And maybe a quick shower would do him some good, give him time to think about what to do now.
#4
It was past midnight when Ohno dipped the washcloth into the cold water again and carefully put it back onto the boy's forehead. The only thing that had seemed reasonable to him was to get the boy out of his wet clothes as well and wrap him up in a warm blanket. It had felt strange and Ohno had been a little embarrassed while he undressed him, but he had told himself over and over that it was the best thing he could do for the poor guy at that moment. But while he undressed him, he had noticed that his forehead was burning up and made it his task to cool it down.
Suddenly he saw the boy's eyelashes flutter and Ohno became incredibly nervous.
'I hope you won't be afraid of me when you wake up here. What am I supposed to say?'
He felt extremely uncertain all of a sudden and almost wished he had taken the boy to the hospital after all. Who the hell brought someone home with them that they found lying unconscious in a ditch? How naive had he been?
While the boy slowly opened his eyes, a thousand questions flew through Ohno's mind.
'Do you think I kidnapped you? That I'm a pervert? Or something worse? Dear lord, what was I thinking?'
The stranger began to move around and scrunched up his nose almost adorably before he tried to open his eyes once again. Ohno watched him closely, sitting frozen next to the sofa.
For a long moment nothing happened, the boy only looked at him and Ohno looked back. He had never been good at reading another person's thoughts and feelings in their eyes, but the confusion and fear written in the boy's wide-open eyes was clear enough for even Ohno to see. The boy's eyes seemed to scream at him, Who are you? What are you going to do to me?
Ohno knew that he had to say something; anything.
“Ah..."
But he couldn't get out more than that and a crooked half-smile.
Then something happened; the boy sat up suddenly, hissed tonelessly and grabbed his head. Still staring at Ohno, he crawled back as far as he could on the sofa and pulled his legs close to his body, showing his panic quite clearly for a moment. But it was gone sooner than Ohno had expected. He looked around quickly, his eyes darted left and right without moving his head; then his gaze found Ohno again and he quickly looked him up and down before his eyes came to rest on his face. And at that moment, Ohno must have had something about him that made the stranger stop panicking and start to relax his body. Whatever it was, it made Ohno try to speak again:
"Hi ... kiddo. How are you feeling?" he proudly asked. The boy only knitted his brows in answer, confusing Ohno.
"You ... erm ... were lying in a ditch, unconscious, you were hurt and ... well, that's why I brought you home with me. I ... couldn't just let you lie there," he finished his little speech, hesitantly looking at the boy.
He didn't get an answer; instead the stranger looked away and absentmindedly stroked over his injured cheek. It was only then that he noticed the plaster Ohno had carefully put over his wound. The boy turned his surprised gaze back to him and now it was Ohno's turn to look away, embarrassed. In doing so he didn't see the boy open his mouth and try to say Thanks. No sound passed his lips that Ohno could have heard.
#5
He couldn't speak anymore.
Ever since he had woken up in this strange apartment with a pounding head and aching arms and legs, he had been unable to talk. He had enough air and everything else in his throat felt as it had before. He could feel the strain he put on his vocal cords, but nothing happened. Again and again he tried, but not too obviously, the stranger who had picked him up off the street looked confused enough as it was. So Nino looked down on his knees that were still pulled close to his body protectively, and tried to form a sound in his throat. He tried to hum, but the only thing he managed to do was breathe loudly through his nose. Soundlessly.
"You ... you can talk to me, you know. I ... erm ... I'm not going to hurt you?" the stranger's voice reached his ears, sounding so unsure that Nino almost had to smile. Whoever this man was, he was obviously completely overwhelmed with the situation.
Not that Nino wasn't overwhelmed.
He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and chewed it thoughtfully, like he always did when he remembered unpleasant things he would rather not think about. So much had happened in the last few hours and Nino would like nothing better than forgetting everything about it. To leave it behind; to start over.
'Start over?' he repeated to himself, looking up at the stranger again. He examined him once more - something he always did to people he didn't know; you could find out so much about someone if you just looked closely.
"You ... apparently don't want to."
Nino shook his head quickly to deny the man's claim. This seemed to surprise him a great deal.
"Then, well— maybe I should introduce myself? I'm Ohno. Ohno Satoshi. And well ... who are you?" the man asked him directly, staring at him intensely.
It happened automatically; Nino opened his mouth and tried to tell him his name. It was the most natural thing in the world for him to want to answer the man that he didn't even remember that he couldn't speak for a moment.
It had to look strange; he quickly pressed his lips together, pointed at his throat and shook his head, hoping this Ohno guy understood what he was trying to tell him.
Nino waited for Ohno to say something, for him to ask what was wrong with him. Are you mute? Does your throat hurt? What happened? But Ohno only looked at him for a moment, then suddenly his eyes widened as if he had just solved an important problem. He jumped to his feet and rushed out of the room. Nino could only look at the door in confusion, but just a few seconds later Ohno returned and held out a writing pad and a pencil to him.
"Maybe like this?" He smiled shyly.
Nino couldn't help himself, he had to return the smile as he grabbed the pad. For a moment he thought about it, then he wrote down his name on the first sheet of paper. It had gone so quiet in the room that he could hear the pencil scratch across the paper.
I’m Nino. Thanks for taking me in.
He held out the paper for Ohno to read with a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had deliberately chosen to write down only his nickname.
He blinked in surprise when Ohno took the pad and pencil and wrote something himself. Nino could make out the start of You're wel- before Ohno stopped.
"Ah...," he began, "I can just tell you like this. So ... You're welcome. It was nothing. It was a coincidence that I even saw you lying there and... yes." He broke off and Nino didn't know what else to say either.
The pad wandered back to him, it was almost funny. The whole situation was so terribly awkward, Nino would have liked to laugh. But he was far from being able to laugh, he was still too bothered by thoughts of what had happened. At once they attacked again, tried to take over his mind and all Nino could do to defend himself was shake his head to banish them. His head spun and Ohno must have wondered what he was doing, but Nino didn't care. He couldn't allow the thoughts to take hold of him. He couldn't because he knew that they would make him despair.
#6
Ohno couldn't stop looking at the boy - at Nino. On the one hand it was simply interesting, something new, not to be alone in his apartment; on the other hand it was fascinating. Something about Nino was so incredibly fascinating that Ohno was already thinking about how to make him stay for a while.
"Have you always been mute?" he asked suddenly, a question born out of just this fascination, but maybe he shouldn't have asked that in a situation like this. But Ohno had no idea how to act in this kind of situation anyway, or how others would act, so he simply did whatever came to his mind.
No. Only since I woke up here.
"Oh. Does your throat hurt? Can you feel something? Did someone hurt you?" Ohno asked immediately.
Nino only shook his head and held his hand to his throat. Surely it was unpleasant to not be able to speak anymore all of a sudden. Most likely it was also scaring him.
"If you want to, you can stay with me for a while." It just slipped out.
What happened then was strange to say the least. At first Nino only stared at him in confusion. Then he started to think. He thought for such a long time that Ohno finally realized what he had just offered the stranger, the stranger. But he was sure Nino had survived something terrible, so terrible and frightening that he had lost his voice because of it. This wasn't a boy who had run away from home or played a prank on his parents, this was so much more. Ohno might have been slow on the uptake sometimes and usually very naive and uncertain, but he wasn't stupid.
He knew that Nino had a story to tell.
You would let a total stranger live with you? It was the only answer he got, just a quickly scrawled question in a hesitant hand. And all Ohno did in reply was smile and nod.
#7
Two things about Ohno surprised him.
For one, he hadn't asked what had happened to him yet. Surely it wasn't every day he found an injured man unconscious in a ditch. Nino thought that Ohno was either giving him time and space and hoping that he would start talking - writing - on his own, or he didn't quite realize that he should ask. And looking at Ohno and remembering everything he had seen of him until now, Nino was almost sure that it was the latter. Ohno probably hadn't even realized there could be more to it. He had found him and then acted on instinct without questioning the situation. He seemed the type, somehow.
On the other hand Ohno had called him kiddo more than once now, as if he was a child.
'Maybe I should tell him that I'll be twenty-eight soon,' he thought, smiling to himself, and deftly flipped the omelet in the pan. It still felt strange to be standing here, in Ohno's kitchen, cooking dinner. All of this was so unreal and overwhelming that he could only sit back and let it happen. If he were to think about it for even a moment - about everything that had happened at his home, as well as how quickly he and Ohno had connected - he wouldn't be able to understand it anyway. So he didn't even try.
The writing pad with Nino's words from the night before was still lying on the coffee table in the living room. They had talked for a while, but Ohno had carried the bulk of the conversation mostly because Nino had still been completely exhausted. But also because he didn't want to talk.
A cheerful I'm home tore him from his train of thoughts and he flipped the omelet once more before he let it slip out of the pan and onto a small mountain of rice skillfully. Then he took the plate and deposited it on Ohno's dining table. Quickly he took the note he had written earlier out of his pocket and put it down next to the plate, then he turned to Ohno. A smile appeared on his lips when he saw Ohno's surprised face.
"You shouldn't have...," he started, his eyes fixed on the food Nino had cooked. And then: "Thanks, kiddo."
Nino opened the mouth as if to protest but of course no sound escaped. So he closed it again quickly, feeling a little ridiculous.
'It's almost cute, how he keeps calling me kiddo. Maybe I should wait a little longer to tell him my age.' Nino tried to hide his smile. It wasn't difficult because Ohno only had eyes for the food anyway. He hadn't even seen the note next to it, yet.
Welcome home ♥
#8
He had been living with Ohno for a week now. A week in which they had talked using the pad of paper. A week in which he had stayed at the now slightly less strange apartment all day, had looked around, sometimes even tidied up a little and then started making dinner just in time for Ohno to come home. A week in which Ohno still hadn't asked him what had happened, in which he had let him live with him without explanation.
A week in which he had freeloaded off a total stranger.
Nino looked down his body, absentmindedly fiddling with the sweater Ohno had given him. Luckily they were almost the same size, so Ohno had told him to just take whatever he wanted out of his closet.
The time had come for Nino to return the favor - not just with food and company - so Nino made a decision.
#9
The situation was quite strange, Ohno had to admit. He had never seen something like this happen in a film, even though it felt like it could be. A story someone somewhere had invented, a story you watched play out in the cinema all the while knowing that it could never happen in real life. But now it was really happening, and Ohno needed to make himself realize that every night he came home, opened the door and found the apartment filled with light. When he stepped into his apartment and it smelled like food, not the usual stifling air that developed because he hadn't aired out the place all day long.
But it just felt right; all of it felt so very right. For years, Ohno had longed for company, for someone to be there when he came home at night. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, but the longing had been there all along. Then Nino had come into his life and the longing had been gone before he could blink. He hadn't told Nino yet and he wouldn't for a while, but with every day his hope that he would stay a little longer grew. One more day. And maybe another one. That was why he didn't talk about it, why he didn't ask Nino for an explanation even though he probably should have. Even though Nino probably expected him to.
Even though he wanted nothing more than to hear Nino's story.
Of course he was also worried. Nino still couldn't talk, although he seemed to feel at ease at Ohno's apartment - something Ohno was intensely grateful for - he still hadn't spoken a word. They communicated pretty well despite Nino's missing voice, but Ohno was sure that Nino would say a lot more if he had the chance. If he didn't have to write everything down.
And there was something else there, too.
#10
"I'm home," Ohno called happily, but his exhaustion colored his voice. There had been so many idle moments at work today, so many hours where there was literally nothing to do. Ironically this wore him out more than a stressful day full of running around.
But the whole day he had been looking forward to the evening, to the joy of seeing Nino's smile greet him when he came home. To the freshly cooked food that tasted so much better than the frozen dinners he used to make in the evenings. But most of all he looked forward to the little note that always lay next to his plate. Sometimes it was decorated with a lot of hearts, sometimes with funny drawings, but it always contained heartfelt words.
But today Nino had written something entirely new.
I have a surprise for you.
"A surprise?" Ohno repeated questioningly after he read the note. But Nino only shook his head, smiling, and pointed at their plates.
"Alright, then we'll eat first," Ohno said, but the note had definitely woken his curiosity. He couldn't remember the last time someone had given him a surprise.
"It was really horrible. Jun-kun throws himself into his work, he can spent hours on the smallest of tasks. I can’t do that. I can't let the work take over like that. I mean, you can just as easily only do as much as absolutely necessary and be done with it. I don't need to fill out thousands of lists if it's only for me anyway," Ohno complained during the meal. Ohno enjoyed that Nino listened attentively every time he talked about his job, even though he was usually complaining about something or other and only seldom talked about positive aspects of his job. But these conversations made it a whole lot easier for him to go to work the next morning, it felt good to just get it all off his chest.
Nino nodded slowly, but he didn't look as interested as he usually did. He seemed to be far away, so Ohno didn't say anything else for the moment. He just looked at him and it took a while until Nino noticed that he had stopped speaking.
'Somehow, tonight things are different,' Ohno thought.
Nothing happened. They just sat at the dining table in silence. Nino knitted his brows and reached for the pad of paper.
It's time for your surprise.
Ohno wondered about the missing heart at the end for a moment, it was so much a part of Nino, not seeing it seemed wrong somehow. But then Nino stood up and grabbed his hand and all thoughts were wiped from his mind. Ohno let himself be led to the sofa, all the while feeling excitement built up in his body. He didn't have the slightest clue what would happen now, so he was even more surprised when Nino bend down to him. Suddenly their faces were so close together that Ohno could feel the other’s breath on his skin. He was warm and smelled slightly like the soba sauce he had served with dinner.
"Nino?" Ohno whispered, full of uncertainty. He was too overwhelmed by Nino's sudden nearness to form words other than Nino's name. His gaze wandered to the nearly healed cut on Nino's cheek, by now nothing more a thin, red line. Ohno tried to concentrate on it when he felt Nino's warm hand on his neck.
'Are you really about to do what I think you are?' He couldn't ask his question out loud, because he stopped breathing when Nino suddenly leaned toward him. Hot lips touched his throat, made his whole body tremble and answered his unspoken question.
He needed another moment to fully realize what Nino was about to do, then he grabbed his shoulders and tried to stop him.
"Wait," he began, "What... I mean... I mean... why? Shouldn't we talk about---" But Ohno didn't get to finish his sentence. Nino shook his head, his gaze fierce. His hands that had wandered beneath Ohno's shirt without him noticing it and were now tenderly stroking his chest were robbing him of his voice.
It had been too long that someone other than he himself had touched him.
But something within Ohno still fought against all this, fought against the gentle touches, the kisses to his neck, no matter how good they felt. After all this was Nino touching him like this, Nino, whom he had found in a ditch not even a week ago, his sweet Nino that couldn't be more than eighteen years old. Why was he doing this? And why was it turning him on so much?
His thoughts fled instantly when Nino sank down to his knees in front of him and pushed his legs apart. Everything else seemed to fade away as he leaned back into the sofa and spread his legs even further. His head grew so heavy, he tilted it back and closed his eyes, giving himself up to the sensations.
He hadn't even noticed that Nino had unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, but he felt his fingers touch him through the thin material of his boxers. This smallest of touches already felt so good, he couldn't believe how fast he hardened. A loud groan spilled over his lips when Nino closed his hand around his cock, Ohno just wished the last layer of material between them would vanish, so he could really feel Nino's touch. He lifted his hips, pushing into Nino's hand, silently begging him not to stop, never to stop. His eyes still tightly closed, he fumbled for Nino's hand and pushed it beneath his boxers. Nino didn't object, on the contrary he used the opportunity to pull down Ohno's pants along with his boxers until they were hanging around his knees. He gasped when he felt the cool air on his cock. But the feeling didn't last long.
"Oh my god...," Ohno moaned as Nino lips touched his erection, closed around his head and sucked lightly. His fingers had to hold onto something so he fisted the material of the sofa's armrest, all the while trying to stop pushing up into Nino's mouth so much. He chanced a look down at Nino and a cold shiver ran down his back when he met his eyes. It was obscene but at the same time it turned him on something fierce to be watched by Nino while he went down on him. Nino's eyes were trained on his face while his lips ran up and down Ohno's cock.
"Oh please... please... I need—" Again he was so turned on his words failed him. And as if Nino had read his mind, he ran his tongue up the underside of Ohno's cock. Then he took it as far as it would go into his mouth, stayed there for a heartbeat and then started to bob his head up and down. At first he moved his head slowly, sensuously, but the louder Ohno moaned, the faster his movements became.
"Nino... I... god...," Ohno tried again, but he just couldn't form complete sentences anymore. Arousal clouded his mind, he felt as if he was steadily climbing some mountain and had already gone up higher than he had ever thought possible. Nino's mouth so hot, so wet. The sensations were too much, he almost couldn't bear them anymore, but he didn't have to, because he was finally coming, right now. There it was, sweet, sweet release. Everything he had kept in for the last few months, everything he had bottled up in the last week, all of it was suddenly gone, released into Nino's waiting throat.
#11
'Nino sucked... with his mouth.... he— it was incredible,' was the only thing Ohno could think when he lay in bed that night. He was relieved that after what had happened between them, Nino had still spent the night on the sofa like usual.
But he had wanted to think about something completely different. Nino had, after all, done something people usually didn't do at his age and Ohno had just let him. Ohno had let him.
'Dear lord, can I be arrested for this?'
When he woke up the next morning, Ohno decided that he would just pretend nothing had happened. There was no way he could ask Nino about it. How could he? What was he supposed to say? He was embarrassed enough that he had just given himself up to the sensations and that it had been over so soon.
And that he hadn't managed to stop Nino. That he hadn't even had the willpower to try and stop him.
That's what he should have done, he knew now that he had slept on it. He shouldn't have allowed it to happen, not with a minor. No matter why Nino had done it. No matter how long it had been since Ohno had last had sex.
With a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach he entered his living room and immediately looked at the sofa. But Nino was still sleeping peacefully, he noticed, relieved. Normally he would wake him now and they would have breakfast together, but after what had happened Ohno decided against waking him. He just gathered everything he needed for work as quietly as possible and left. He would be very early, but he didn't care.
For a second he had thought about leaving Nino a note, but what could he have written?
#12
The apartment was quiet and deserted when Nino woke up. When the haze of sleep finally lifted, the first thing he noticed was a nasty taste in his mouth. Memories of the night before came back to him and he automatically grimaced. Brushing his teeth after his tryst with Ohno didn't seem to have helped.
'I really sucked his dick. Man, what was I thinking?'
For a while he just stood propped up against the edge of the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
'Now I've started this. And he liked it. He liked it a lot...' His thoughts drifted to images of Ohno's face screwed up in pleasure, the sounds he had made when he had come down his throat. Then he remembered what he had done after Ohno had disappeared into his bedroom, how he had jerked himself off because his time with Ohno had turned him on more than he had wanted it to.
'We'll see what happens now. As long as he doesn't ask and doesn't throw me out of the apartment, everything can stay the way it is. Even though I'll have to suck him off more often now.'
#13
That night he didn't write a note and he didn't cook dinner.
"I'm home," Ohno's voice drifted to his ears from the hall. Nino reacted at once and hurried towards Ohno, who had just slipped out of his shoes. He didn't hesitate, but wrapped his arms around the other and pushed him back until his back was pressed against the wall. Before Ohno could open his mouth to say something, Nino's lips pressed against his.
He had more than one reason for doing this. But the most important was the erection throbbing in his pants. He had made the mistake of thinking about the night before during the day and in the late afternoon, shortly before Ohno had come home, it had just become too much. His memories had made him so hot that even the thought of a repeat of last night - of Ohno's cock in his mouth - had made him unbearably hard.
That, and only that, was the reason why he was kissing Ohno with all the passion he could muster right now.
It didn't take long for Ohno to get over his momentary shock and return the kiss. Still pushing him into the wall, Nino grabbed Ohno's crotch and started massaging his cock through his pants. He wasn't surprised to feel him harden at his ministrations.
But Nino needed release and he needed it fast, right away, so he didn't wait for some sort of sign that this was alright but pressed his hips against Ohno's and started rubbing his erection against his. And all the while he was still kissing Ohno, more and more deeply as the time went on. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, then pushed his tongue into Ohno's. It wasn't a tender kiss, had never been one, but it was full of raw passion. He shifted his hips away from Ohno's for a moment, but only far enough so he could open his pants and pull then down as far as they would go. Feeling Ohno return the favor was all the confirmation he needed that he wasn't the only one that wanted this.
He didn't have the patience to work his boxers off as well, but when he pushed back against Ohno's hips, the friction was just enough to drive him over the edge and make him moan loudly into Ohno's opened mouth. Their lips were only touching now, rubbing against each other every now and then, but there was no pressure behind it, both of them were too far gone to concentrate on the kiss. The movements of their hips were too fast, the friction created by their cocks too delicious.
It didn't take long for Nino to reach his climax. For him to start trembling suddenly, press his whole body against Ohno, moan loudly and come in his pants. Ohno followed only moments later, burying his head in Nino's shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around the other’s back.
They were breathing heavily into each other's shoulders. Suddenly all the strength had left Nino's body and only Ohno's arms around him were holding him up. They stayed like this for a long moment, both of them trying to control their breathing.
After a while Ohno's words reached his ears, very quietly:
"I heard you..."
At first Nino didn't realize what Ohno meant and was about to ask when he suddenly understood.
He had moaned. And very loudly at that.
#14
Still completely overwhelmed by his orgasm, Ohno stared at Nino. It wasn't that he had practically jumped on him; no, it was because Ohno had definitely heard his voice.
"I heard your voice," he confirmed again. "Maybe you can— try to say something else!"
Maybe they should have been talking about something else, like what had happened between them yet again, but in that moment Ohno only cared about Nino's voice. Nino only looked at him for a few seconds, thinking, then he opened his mouth to try and make a sound. Ohno couldn't hear anything.
Disappointed, Nino looked down at the floor and Ohno had to swallow heavily.
"Maybe you just can't think about it." He shrugged his shoulders and pushed off the wall. But the movement made him notice the mess in his pants again and suddenly all the thoughts were back.
'I did it again. And this time he really joined in... we kissed.'
Quickly Ohno shook his head, trying not to think about it anymore. His cheeks were already heating up enough as it was.
"We... erm... I need to go to the bathroom. Yeah."
Without another word, Ohno pulled up his pants and disappeared, leaving Nino in the hall while he locked himself into the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the tub and buried his head in his hands, sighing deeply.
He could still feel his orgasm all over his body. A pleasant fatigue that sadly didn't cloud his mind. His thoughts were racing, running in circles and doing cartwheels, and they showed no sign of stopping.
Things couldn't go on like this. This couldn't escalate, Ohno couldn't let that happen.
So he did the only thing that seemed reasonable after he had changed his boxers. He went back into the living room, back to Nino, who by now had stretched out on the sofa and was absently flicking through a magazine, and confronted him.
"Why are you doing this?" Ohno asked, a little more direct than he had originally planned. Nino was taken by surprise by his question, but the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
I'm returning the favor.
To Ohno it seemed to take an eternity until Nino had written those words. But it seemed even longer until he actually understood them.
"You... what?" he stuttered.
Nino grinned, taking even more time than usual for his next words.
Think of itas payment a thank you for letting me stay here.
Of course Ohno could see what Nino had crossed out. It created a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Payment?" he asked, but Nino quickly shook his head, circled the words 'thank you' a few times and pointed at them with the pencil. He smiled, but to Ohno it looked somewhat forced. Somehow he feared where this conversation was going.
'Maybe I don't want to know the details after all...,' he thought suddenly.
"I don't want you to do this," slipped past Ohno's lips, completely unintentionally, because he hadn't made such a decision yet. He hadn't even thought about whether he wanted it or not.
Of course you want it. It's obvious.
Now Nino wasn't smiling anymore, but looking at him seriously. Ohno wasn't sure if he liked it.
"I...," he began, but Nino had already continued writing.
I don't mind, if that's what you're concerned about.
"Actually that's not what I'm concerned about," Ohno replied without otherwise acknowledging the sentence. "I could be in a lot of trouble if this gets out. You're not even twenty yet."
Ohno had barely finished speaking when Nino was suddenly standing up. There was a determination in his gaze that unnerved Ohno. Something that made him no longer look like the little boy Ohno had found in a ditch on his way home. The impression only hardened when Nino stood in front of him once more, at eye level and so incredibly close again. As close as he had been in the hall, when they—
Then Nino kissed him. Again.
#15
'I let it escalate.'
Ohno looked down at the body next to him, while he was fighting against his guilty consciousness on the inside. He gazed at Nino's relaxed face, his closed eyes and his black eyelashes that could be seen much more clearly now. His gaze wandered over Nino's cheek, from one birthmark to the next, moving closer and closer to his lips. There he paused. He could still feel them against his own and had to brush his own mouth with his fingers to prove to himself that there was nothing there anymore.
His life had gotten out of hand, ever since he had found Nino, nothing had been the same. His daily routine had changed, there was no dull waking up, going to work, coming home and going to bed anymore, only to repeat the process the next day. His work had become a secondary occupation and the most important part of his day were the hours he spent at home with Nino.
But these changes also brought with them a new kind of stress. He had to think about so many things now; for one there was Nino's lost voice that posed a problem, then there was Nino's past in which something dreadful must have happened. Sometimes Ohno asked himself why nobody rang his doorbell to ask about Nino. Or why Nino didn't contact anyone, no family members, no friends. Ohno thought about all of that every day.
And now he had even more to think about. And it was slowly becoming too much.
Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back on the bed. Nino had shown him quite clearly that he wasn't as young as Ohno had thought. They had had sex and Ohno wasn't stupid. He knew the difference between a grown man and a boy.
They had had sex.
'Fuck...,' Ohno cursed silently as the thought slowly sank in. 'I really allowed things to come this far.'
#16
Not even Nino had planned to go that far. But it had overcome him, just like that; instead of simply telling Ohno that he wasn't the little boy Ohno had thought he was, he had shown him.
The only problem was that he had liked it. Very much. He had once and for all brought their relationship to a higher level. And just like in the video games he used to play, there was no going back to a previous level. The only way was up. He couldn't take the sex back and he couldn't even make himself believe that he was returning a favor anymore; much less make Ohno believe it.
They didn't talk about it, even though maybe they should have. Ohno didn't mention it when he came home at night and they ended up in bed again. Or on the sofa. Or in the shower. And he didn't mention it when they woke up together in the morning. Nino knew that it was wrong and most likely Ohno knew it, too. But this thing between them had been wrong from the very beginning. You didn't take in complete strangers and let them live with you. You didn't just run away without a word. And you didn't just lose your voice from one day to the next.
With all these abnormalities in their relationship, what did it matter if they ended up having sex every day without talking about it?
#17
Something was changing inside of Ohno.
He didn't notice it at first, too much had changed around him and it had happened so fast that he hardly paid attention to what was happening within. But after Nino had lived with him for a month and they had had regular sex for about three weeks, he suddenly noticed that something was changing.
His desire grew. His desire for more grew steadily.
Every day he couldn't wait to get home, because he knew Nino would welcome him home with a kiss, with a touch and ultimately with sex.
He was afraid of where all of this would eventually lead.
#18
He had only just managed to take off his jacket before Ohno dragged him into the bedroom. Nino couldn't even form a coherent thought before he felt Ohno's soft bed beneath him. He wanted to wrap his arms around Ohno who had quickly climbed on top of him, but he couldn't move. Confused he looked up at Ohno, but the other only grinned cheekily and loosened his tie with one hand. Seconds later, Nino felt the fabric around his wrists, a little too tight for his liking, but he didn't protest. He was too excited to see what Ohno would do next.
Ohno pressed against him and Nino gasped soundlessly. Every time they did this he was surprised by how much control Ohno had over his hips, how he could move them and make Nino lose his mind so quickly.
His body burned wildly in arousal and he had to admit to himself that not a small part of it was because he was completely helpless. He couldn't move his arms, couldn't struggle, but most of all he couldn't tell Ohno to stop. The combination turned him on something fierce.
And Ohno seemed to sense this, his grin widened and he leaned down further to nip at Nino's throat. Turned on even more by this, Nino’s breath hitched and he pushed his hips back against Ohno's.
"Hmm... you like that, don't you?" Ohno growled softly against his ear.
‘You bet!' Nino answered in his thoughts.
Ohno reached down towards his pants and minutes later every last barrier between them had been removed. The only article of clothing that remained was Nino's shirt as Ohno didn't seem inclined to untie his hands in order to take it off. Nino didn't care, because he could feel Ohno's tongue on his cock, hot and wet. He opened his mouth, soundlessly expelled air in what would have been a loud moan had he not still been subconsciously waiting to make a sound. Ohno was right, he should stop thinking about it. But ever since it had happened the first time they had been together like this, he couldn't stop wishing for it to happen again. No matter how turned on he was by Ohno.
When Ohno enveloped his cock in his mouth, he couldn't stop himself from pushing up into him. He had to feel him, all of him. And Ohno didn't struggle, he took everything Nino had to offer. He bobbed his head up and down, faster and faster. The friction felt too good, Ohno felt too good and Nino was nearly gone when he thought he felt Ohno's teeth.
But before he could fall over the edge and let his orgasm wash over him, Ohno suddenly stopped. Nino wanted to scream, wanted to push deeper into Ohno's mouth in order to come, but Ohno had already gotten off the bed. Nino yanked on the tie, tried to loosen it and call for Ohno, but he couldn't and suddenly he realized that he was completely at the other’s mercy.
'Fuck!' he cursed silently, but that was as far as he got, because suddenly Ohno was back, bending over him once more and pushing his legs apart, when Nino felt something cold and wet on his skin. He threw back his head and gave himself up to the sensations.
#19
"We can't go on like this." With these words Ohno came home the next night. Memories of their time together the night before had haunted him all day. It frightened him to remember how much he had enjoyed that Nino had been unable to fight him, that he had just lain there, tied up and mute. And now that he could see Nino walk towards him again even though he had just opened the door, a meaningful grin on his lips, something inside of Ohno exploded.
"Nino, we can't go on like this!" he gasped, because Nino had already loosened his tie. He paused in his movements and looked at Ohno grimly.
"You've been living here for a month now and still we haven't talked about why — what happened." Ohno didn't know why he was faltering now, since he had rehearsed this speech on the way home, after all.
"You still can't talk. This can't go on forever. And we can't keep waiting for it to be alright again and... and... we can't fuck every day as if everything was alright the way it is." While he had talked Ohno had grown more and more angry – something that was very atypical for him, but the whole situation was changing him. Nino was changing him.
Stop thi— Nino quickly wrote onto his small pad of paper, but Ohno reached for his hand and stopped him.
“I won't stop. This just can't go on. What we're doing is wrong. This is not a life worth living." With every sentence he spoke he grew more quietly until his last words were nothing more than a whisper. This wasn't what he had meant to say, but now that the words were out there, it seemed the only right thing to say. This simply couldn’t continue.
This time he didn't stop Nino when he started to write down his answer.
That's not fair. It didn't bother you the last four weeks. Why now?
For a moment Ohno looked at the note, reread Nino's words over and over again. Then he replied.
"Because it didn't get better. Because I'm afraid it's getting worse."
Nino grimaced and in any other situation he would have looked cute.
"Don't you want a normal life?" he asked him almost tenderly.
I like things the way they are. Of course I'd like to Nino hesitated, seemingly thinking about what it was he wanted.
I would like to have a job again. But that's not possible anymore.
Ohno hesitated. Should he ask him why he couldn't have a job anymore? But he refrained, he hadn't pushed Nino to talk about it in all the time they had known each other and he wouldn't start now. However, there was something else as well.
"Somehow... if I think about it... I don't even want to know what happened to you. As harsh as it sounds, but I think it's more important that we get our future sorted out. Not your past."
Our future?
Only when Nino had written those words did Ohno realize what he had just said. But it was exactly how he had meant it.
"Well, I don't sleep with you for no reason. At first you might have seduced me, but now I think... it's quite mutual." Ohno couldn't suppress a small smile and was relieved when Nino returned it.
How about this, we keep having sex and I go looking for a doctor that can help me get my voice back. Deal?
He had hardly finished writing when Ohno leaned towards him and pressed his lips against Nino's
"Deal."
#20
That night Ohno finally realized that he had found what he had been looking for all this time.
kametoahiruFrom:
spiegelaugenTitle: Silence: Lost in Desperation
Pairing/Focus: Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: smut
Summary: One night, Ohno Satoshi finds a hurt young man in a ditch, who ends up turning his whole life on its head. Used to fighting against the boredom of his daily routine, Ohno now finds himself fighting to get his life back on track. But the young man’s gratitude is anything but helpful during this.
Notes: This was my first exchange and it was really fun :) Dear
kametoahiru, this story is for you and I hope you enjoy it, even when there is only a small part which is a bit bondage-like :D ♥#1
The streets were dark, deserted and dead silent around him with his heavy breathing the only thing he could hear. His whole body trembled uncontrollably.
He didn't feel anything, didn't think anything, he just channeled all his remaining strength into putting one foot in front of the other. His body had long since stopped listening to him and now only functioned because of a dull will to survive. The most important thing now was that he kept moving, that he got away, far away, even though he had no idea where he was or where he was going.
Every step took him a little further away, further away from what had happened. Fighting to suppress his thoughts and memories, he dragged himself on, becoming weaker with every step. His naked feet hurt, but he hardly felt them; they only felt numb. The ground beneath him was cold, the blacktop hard. The soles of his feet burned from walking so much, but at the same time they were freezing from the cold. But he had to go on.
He had to keep moving.
But his body could no longer endure the physical exertion, it rebelled against his attempts to keep going and suddenly catapulted him into complete blackness.
He was already floating away and barely felt his body hit the ground, the pain of his fall was only a fleeting sensation. Yet the rain that drenched him more with every minute he was unconscious didn't even register.
#2
It was another day that he dragged himself home with a headache; but also another day that was finally over.
Ohno Satoshi was one of those people that just went with the flow, tried as hard as they could not to question the course of their life, but failed miserably. He was unhappy. Unhappy with himself, with his job, with everything around him. He was the perfect cliché, just like the people you meet in films and books: Something was missing from Ohno Satoshi's life. But unlike the people that asked themselves what on earth could be missing from my life on the cinema screens, Ohno already knew the answer. He was reminded of it every night when he returned to his empty apartment, mumbled an almost inaudible 'I'm home' into the silence and then spent the night alone again. Too tired from work to keep friends and too exhausted from his lethargic life to go out and meet new people.
Or maybe it was because he was ashamed of his boring life and didn't want to let anyone else take part in it, he sometimes thought.
Even though he knew without a doubt that he was missing this 'person by his side'.
When the clouds drew together above his head, Ohno picked up his pace. But it was already too late, a second later he felt the first rain drops hit his nose. He wrinkled his nose against the unpleasant wetness and started to run, hoping that he would get home before he was soaked through. But he was sorely disappointed, moments later the heavens opened up and the rain pelted down on him relentlessly.
'Damn, that's all I needed!' he cursed silently. He almost ran past the person curled up in the ditch.
'Huh?'
#3
The boy now sleeping on his sofa looked barely eighteen, maybe even younger. Ohno had sat down on the floor across from him and was watching his chest rise and fall slowly. He had tilted his head to the side, and for the last fifteen minutes he had been contemplating what someone else would do when put in this situation. Probably call a doctor, or the police, but Ohno had quickly decided against that. The boy didn't seem to be hurt badly, he only had a scrape on his cheek and dirty feet.
But that wasn't what had made him let the boy sleep on his sofa for a while - the reason was that with the boy there, he wasn't alone for once. Ohno had even laughed at himself when he had realized this. There was, after all, a complete stranger sleeping on his sofa; he was most likely in serious trouble, but he nonetheless chased the loneliness out of his living room.
'So this is what I've come to,' Ohno told himself, tilting his head in the other direction. He absentmindedly chewed on his lower lip and kept watching the boy.
"Did you run away from home? Maybe you fought with your parents, or they grounded you. But why did you faint?" Ohno asked him, making his voice sound as gentle as possible. Usually he didn't talk to himself - despite the loneliness - but the situation was totally different now. Maybe the boy could even hear him, regardless of how deep inside his subconscious his mind was wandering.
"I think... I can leave you alone for a few moments, right?" he asked the boy quickly and went into the bathroom. He had to get out of the wet clothes that were still clinging to his body; the rain hadn't spared him at all. And maybe a quick shower would do him some good, give him time to think about what to do now.
#4
It was past midnight when Ohno dipped the washcloth into the cold water again and carefully put it back onto the boy's forehead. The only thing that had seemed reasonable to him was to get the boy out of his wet clothes as well and wrap him up in a warm blanket. It had felt strange and Ohno had been a little embarrassed while he undressed him, but he had told himself over and over that it was the best thing he could do for the poor guy at that moment. But while he undressed him, he had noticed that his forehead was burning up and made it his task to cool it down.
Suddenly he saw the boy's eyelashes flutter and Ohno became incredibly nervous.
'I hope you won't be afraid of me when you wake up here. What am I supposed to say?'
He felt extremely uncertain all of a sudden and almost wished he had taken the boy to the hospital after all. Who the hell brought someone home with them that they found lying unconscious in a ditch? How naive had he been?
While the boy slowly opened his eyes, a thousand questions flew through Ohno's mind.
'Do you think I kidnapped you? That I'm a pervert? Or something worse? Dear lord, what was I thinking?'
The stranger began to move around and scrunched up his nose almost adorably before he tried to open his eyes once again. Ohno watched him closely, sitting frozen next to the sofa.
For a long moment nothing happened, the boy only looked at him and Ohno looked back. He had never been good at reading another person's thoughts and feelings in their eyes, but the confusion and fear written in the boy's wide-open eyes was clear enough for even Ohno to see. The boy's eyes seemed to scream at him, Who are you? What are you going to do to me?
Ohno knew that he had to say something; anything.
“Ah..."
But he couldn't get out more than that and a crooked half-smile.
Then something happened; the boy sat up suddenly, hissed tonelessly and grabbed his head. Still staring at Ohno, he crawled back as far as he could on the sofa and pulled his legs close to his body, showing his panic quite clearly for a moment. But it was gone sooner than Ohno had expected. He looked around quickly, his eyes darted left and right without moving his head; then his gaze found Ohno again and he quickly looked him up and down before his eyes came to rest on his face. And at that moment, Ohno must have had something about him that made the stranger stop panicking and start to relax his body. Whatever it was, it made Ohno try to speak again:
"Hi ... kiddo. How are you feeling?" he proudly asked. The boy only knitted his brows in answer, confusing Ohno.
"You ... erm ... were lying in a ditch, unconscious, you were hurt and ... well, that's why I brought you home with me. I ... couldn't just let you lie there," he finished his little speech, hesitantly looking at the boy.
He didn't get an answer; instead the stranger looked away and absentmindedly stroked over his injured cheek. It was only then that he noticed the plaster Ohno had carefully put over his wound. The boy turned his surprised gaze back to him and now it was Ohno's turn to look away, embarrassed. In doing so he didn't see the boy open his mouth and try to say Thanks. No sound passed his lips that Ohno could have heard.
#5
He couldn't speak anymore.
Ever since he had woken up in this strange apartment with a pounding head and aching arms and legs, he had been unable to talk. He had enough air and everything else in his throat felt as it had before. He could feel the strain he put on his vocal cords, but nothing happened. Again and again he tried, but not too obviously, the stranger who had picked him up off the street looked confused enough as it was. So Nino looked down on his knees that were still pulled close to his body protectively, and tried to form a sound in his throat. He tried to hum, but the only thing he managed to do was breathe loudly through his nose. Soundlessly.
"You ... you can talk to me, you know. I ... erm ... I'm not going to hurt you?" the stranger's voice reached his ears, sounding so unsure that Nino almost had to smile. Whoever this man was, he was obviously completely overwhelmed with the situation.
Not that Nino wasn't overwhelmed.
He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and chewed it thoughtfully, like he always did when he remembered unpleasant things he would rather not think about. So much had happened in the last few hours and Nino would like nothing better than forgetting everything about it. To leave it behind; to start over.
'Start over?' he repeated to himself, looking up at the stranger again. He examined him once more - something he always did to people he didn't know; you could find out so much about someone if you just looked closely.
"You ... apparently don't want to."
Nino shook his head quickly to deny the man's claim. This seemed to surprise him a great deal.
"Then, well— maybe I should introduce myself? I'm Ohno. Ohno Satoshi. And well ... who are you?" the man asked him directly, staring at him intensely.
It happened automatically; Nino opened his mouth and tried to tell him his name. It was the most natural thing in the world for him to want to answer the man that he didn't even remember that he couldn't speak for a moment.
It had to look strange; he quickly pressed his lips together, pointed at his throat and shook his head, hoping this Ohno guy understood what he was trying to tell him.
Nino waited for Ohno to say something, for him to ask what was wrong with him. Are you mute? Does your throat hurt? What happened? But Ohno only looked at him for a moment, then suddenly his eyes widened as if he had just solved an important problem. He jumped to his feet and rushed out of the room. Nino could only look at the door in confusion, but just a few seconds later Ohno returned and held out a writing pad and a pencil to him.
"Maybe like this?" He smiled shyly.
Nino couldn't help himself, he had to return the smile as he grabbed the pad. For a moment he thought about it, then he wrote down his name on the first sheet of paper. It had gone so quiet in the room that he could hear the pencil scratch across the paper.
I’m Nino. Thanks for taking me in.
He held out the paper for Ohno to read with a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had deliberately chosen to write down only his nickname.
He blinked in surprise when Ohno took the pad and pencil and wrote something himself. Nino could make out the start of You're wel- before Ohno stopped.
"Ah...," he began, "I can just tell you like this. So ... You're welcome. It was nothing. It was a coincidence that I even saw you lying there and... yes." He broke off and Nino didn't know what else to say either.
The pad wandered back to him, it was almost funny. The whole situation was so terribly awkward, Nino would have liked to laugh. But he was far from being able to laugh, he was still too bothered by thoughts of what had happened. At once they attacked again, tried to take over his mind and all Nino could do to defend himself was shake his head to banish them. His head spun and Ohno must have wondered what he was doing, but Nino didn't care. He couldn't allow the thoughts to take hold of him. He couldn't because he knew that they would make him despair.
#6
Ohno couldn't stop looking at the boy - at Nino. On the one hand it was simply interesting, something new, not to be alone in his apartment; on the other hand it was fascinating. Something about Nino was so incredibly fascinating that Ohno was already thinking about how to make him stay for a while.
"Have you always been mute?" he asked suddenly, a question born out of just this fascination, but maybe he shouldn't have asked that in a situation like this. But Ohno had no idea how to act in this kind of situation anyway, or how others would act, so he simply did whatever came to his mind.
No. Only since I woke up here.
"Oh. Does your throat hurt? Can you feel something? Did someone hurt you?" Ohno asked immediately.
Nino only shook his head and held his hand to his throat. Surely it was unpleasant to not be able to speak anymore all of a sudden. Most likely it was also scaring him.
"If you want to, you can stay with me for a while." It just slipped out.
What happened then was strange to say the least. At first Nino only stared at him in confusion. Then he started to think. He thought for such a long time that Ohno finally realized what he had just offered the stranger, the stranger. But he was sure Nino had survived something terrible, so terrible and frightening that he had lost his voice because of it. This wasn't a boy who had run away from home or played a prank on his parents, this was so much more. Ohno might have been slow on the uptake sometimes and usually very naive and uncertain, but he wasn't stupid.
He knew that Nino had a story to tell.
You would let a total stranger live with you? It was the only answer he got, just a quickly scrawled question in a hesitant hand. And all Ohno did in reply was smile and nod.
#7
Two things about Ohno surprised him.
For one, he hadn't asked what had happened to him yet. Surely it wasn't every day he found an injured man unconscious in a ditch. Nino thought that Ohno was either giving him time and space and hoping that he would start talking - writing - on his own, or he didn't quite realize that he should ask. And looking at Ohno and remembering everything he had seen of him until now, Nino was almost sure that it was the latter. Ohno probably hadn't even realized there could be more to it. He had found him and then acted on instinct without questioning the situation. He seemed the type, somehow.
On the other hand Ohno had called him kiddo more than once now, as if he was a child.
'Maybe I should tell him that I'll be twenty-eight soon,' he thought, smiling to himself, and deftly flipped the omelet in the pan. It still felt strange to be standing here, in Ohno's kitchen, cooking dinner. All of this was so unreal and overwhelming that he could only sit back and let it happen. If he were to think about it for even a moment - about everything that had happened at his home, as well as how quickly he and Ohno had connected - he wouldn't be able to understand it anyway. So he didn't even try.
The writing pad with Nino's words from the night before was still lying on the coffee table in the living room. They had talked for a while, but Ohno had carried the bulk of the conversation mostly because Nino had still been completely exhausted. But also because he didn't want to talk.
A cheerful I'm home tore him from his train of thoughts and he flipped the omelet once more before he let it slip out of the pan and onto a small mountain of rice skillfully. Then he took the plate and deposited it on Ohno's dining table. Quickly he took the note he had written earlier out of his pocket and put it down next to the plate, then he turned to Ohno. A smile appeared on his lips when he saw Ohno's surprised face.
"You shouldn't have...," he started, his eyes fixed on the food Nino had cooked. And then: "Thanks, kiddo."
Nino opened the mouth as if to protest but of course no sound escaped. So he closed it again quickly, feeling a little ridiculous.
'It's almost cute, how he keeps calling me kiddo. Maybe I should wait a little longer to tell him my age.' Nino tried to hide his smile. It wasn't difficult because Ohno only had eyes for the food anyway. He hadn't even seen the note next to it, yet.
Welcome home ♥
#8
He had been living with Ohno for a week now. A week in which they had talked using the pad of paper. A week in which he had stayed at the now slightly less strange apartment all day, had looked around, sometimes even tidied up a little and then started making dinner just in time for Ohno to come home. A week in which Ohno still hadn't asked him what had happened, in which he had let him live with him without explanation.
A week in which he had freeloaded off a total stranger.
Nino looked down his body, absentmindedly fiddling with the sweater Ohno had given him. Luckily they were almost the same size, so Ohno had told him to just take whatever he wanted out of his closet.
The time had come for Nino to return the favor - not just with food and company - so Nino made a decision.
#9
The situation was quite strange, Ohno had to admit. He had never seen something like this happen in a film, even though it felt like it could be. A story someone somewhere had invented, a story you watched play out in the cinema all the while knowing that it could never happen in real life. But now it was really happening, and Ohno needed to make himself realize that every night he came home, opened the door and found the apartment filled with light. When he stepped into his apartment and it smelled like food, not the usual stifling air that developed because he hadn't aired out the place all day long.
But it just felt right; all of it felt so very right. For years, Ohno had longed for company, for someone to be there when he came home at night. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously, but the longing had been there all along. Then Nino had come into his life and the longing had been gone before he could blink. He hadn't told Nino yet and he wouldn't for a while, but with every day his hope that he would stay a little longer grew. One more day. And maybe another one. That was why he didn't talk about it, why he didn't ask Nino for an explanation even though he probably should have. Even though Nino probably expected him to.
Even though he wanted nothing more than to hear Nino's story.
Of course he was also worried. Nino still couldn't talk, although he seemed to feel at ease at Ohno's apartment - something Ohno was intensely grateful for - he still hadn't spoken a word. They communicated pretty well despite Nino's missing voice, but Ohno was sure that Nino would say a lot more if he had the chance. If he didn't have to write everything down.
And there was something else there, too.
#10
"I'm home," Ohno called happily, but his exhaustion colored his voice. There had been so many idle moments at work today, so many hours where there was literally nothing to do. Ironically this wore him out more than a stressful day full of running around.
But the whole day he had been looking forward to the evening, to the joy of seeing Nino's smile greet him when he came home. To the freshly cooked food that tasted so much better than the frozen dinners he used to make in the evenings. But most of all he looked forward to the little note that always lay next to his plate. Sometimes it was decorated with a lot of hearts, sometimes with funny drawings, but it always contained heartfelt words.
But today Nino had written something entirely new.
I have a surprise for you.
"A surprise?" Ohno repeated questioningly after he read the note. But Nino only shook his head, smiling, and pointed at their plates.
"Alright, then we'll eat first," Ohno said, but the note had definitely woken his curiosity. He couldn't remember the last time someone had given him a surprise.
"It was really horrible. Jun-kun throws himself into his work, he can spent hours on the smallest of tasks. I can’t do that. I can't let the work take over like that. I mean, you can just as easily only do as much as absolutely necessary and be done with it. I don't need to fill out thousands of lists if it's only for me anyway," Ohno complained during the meal. Ohno enjoyed that Nino listened attentively every time he talked about his job, even though he was usually complaining about something or other and only seldom talked about positive aspects of his job. But these conversations made it a whole lot easier for him to go to work the next morning, it felt good to just get it all off his chest.
Nino nodded slowly, but he didn't look as interested as he usually did. He seemed to be far away, so Ohno didn't say anything else for the moment. He just looked at him and it took a while until Nino noticed that he had stopped speaking.
'Somehow, tonight things are different,' Ohno thought.
Nothing happened. They just sat at the dining table in silence. Nino knitted his brows and reached for the pad of paper.
It's time for your surprise.
Ohno wondered about the missing heart at the end for a moment, it was so much a part of Nino, not seeing it seemed wrong somehow. But then Nino stood up and grabbed his hand and all thoughts were wiped from his mind. Ohno let himself be led to the sofa, all the while feeling excitement built up in his body. He didn't have the slightest clue what would happen now, so he was even more surprised when Nino bend down to him. Suddenly their faces were so close together that Ohno could feel the other’s breath on his skin. He was warm and smelled slightly like the soba sauce he had served with dinner.
"Nino?" Ohno whispered, full of uncertainty. He was too overwhelmed by Nino's sudden nearness to form words other than Nino's name. His gaze wandered to the nearly healed cut on Nino's cheek, by now nothing more a thin, red line. Ohno tried to concentrate on it when he felt Nino's warm hand on his neck.
'Are you really about to do what I think you are?' He couldn't ask his question out loud, because he stopped breathing when Nino suddenly leaned toward him. Hot lips touched his throat, made his whole body tremble and answered his unspoken question.
He needed another moment to fully realize what Nino was about to do, then he grabbed his shoulders and tried to stop him.
"Wait," he began, "What... I mean... I mean... why? Shouldn't we talk about---" But Ohno didn't get to finish his sentence. Nino shook his head, his gaze fierce. His hands that had wandered beneath Ohno's shirt without him noticing it and were now tenderly stroking his chest were robbing him of his voice.
It had been too long that someone other than he himself had touched him.
But something within Ohno still fought against all this, fought against the gentle touches, the kisses to his neck, no matter how good they felt. After all this was Nino touching him like this, Nino, whom he had found in a ditch not even a week ago, his sweet Nino that couldn't be more than eighteen years old. Why was he doing this? And why was it turning him on so much?
His thoughts fled instantly when Nino sank down to his knees in front of him and pushed his legs apart. Everything else seemed to fade away as he leaned back into the sofa and spread his legs even further. His head grew so heavy, he tilted it back and closed his eyes, giving himself up to the sensations.
He hadn't even noticed that Nino had unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, but he felt his fingers touch him through the thin material of his boxers. This smallest of touches already felt so good, he couldn't believe how fast he hardened. A loud groan spilled over his lips when Nino closed his hand around his cock, Ohno just wished the last layer of material between them would vanish, so he could really feel Nino's touch. He lifted his hips, pushing into Nino's hand, silently begging him not to stop, never to stop. His eyes still tightly closed, he fumbled for Nino's hand and pushed it beneath his boxers. Nino didn't object, on the contrary he used the opportunity to pull down Ohno's pants along with his boxers until they were hanging around his knees. He gasped when he felt the cool air on his cock. But the feeling didn't last long.
"Oh my god...," Ohno moaned as Nino lips touched his erection, closed around his head and sucked lightly. His fingers had to hold onto something so he fisted the material of the sofa's armrest, all the while trying to stop pushing up into Nino's mouth so much. He chanced a look down at Nino and a cold shiver ran down his back when he met his eyes. It was obscene but at the same time it turned him on something fierce to be watched by Nino while he went down on him. Nino's eyes were trained on his face while his lips ran up and down Ohno's cock.
"Oh please... please... I need—" Again he was so turned on his words failed him. And as if Nino had read his mind, he ran his tongue up the underside of Ohno's cock. Then he took it as far as it would go into his mouth, stayed there for a heartbeat and then started to bob his head up and down. At first he moved his head slowly, sensuously, but the louder Ohno moaned, the faster his movements became.
"Nino... I... god...," Ohno tried again, but he just couldn't form complete sentences anymore. Arousal clouded his mind, he felt as if he was steadily climbing some mountain and had already gone up higher than he had ever thought possible. Nino's mouth so hot, so wet. The sensations were too much, he almost couldn't bear them anymore, but he didn't have to, because he was finally coming, right now. There it was, sweet, sweet release. Everything he had kept in for the last few months, everything he had bottled up in the last week, all of it was suddenly gone, released into Nino's waiting throat.
#11
'Nino sucked... with his mouth.... he— it was incredible,' was the only thing Ohno could think when he lay in bed that night. He was relieved that after what had happened between them, Nino had still spent the night on the sofa like usual.
But he had wanted to think about something completely different. Nino had, after all, done something people usually didn't do at his age and Ohno had just let him. Ohno had let him.
'Dear lord, can I be arrested for this?'
When he woke up the next morning, Ohno decided that he would just pretend nothing had happened. There was no way he could ask Nino about it. How could he? What was he supposed to say? He was embarrassed enough that he had just given himself up to the sensations and that it had been over so soon.
And that he hadn't managed to stop Nino. That he hadn't even had the willpower to try and stop him.
That's what he should have done, he knew now that he had slept on it. He shouldn't have allowed it to happen, not with a minor. No matter why Nino had done it. No matter how long it had been since Ohno had last had sex.
With a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach he entered his living room and immediately looked at the sofa. But Nino was still sleeping peacefully, he noticed, relieved. Normally he would wake him now and they would have breakfast together, but after what had happened Ohno decided against waking him. He just gathered everything he needed for work as quietly as possible and left. He would be very early, but he didn't care.
For a second he had thought about leaving Nino a note, but what could he have written?
#12
The apartment was quiet and deserted when Nino woke up. When the haze of sleep finally lifted, the first thing he noticed was a nasty taste in his mouth. Memories of the night before came back to him and he automatically grimaced. Brushing his teeth after his tryst with Ohno didn't seem to have helped.
'I really sucked his dick. Man, what was I thinking?'
For a while he just stood propped up against the edge of the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
'Now I've started this. And he liked it. He liked it a lot...' His thoughts drifted to images of Ohno's face screwed up in pleasure, the sounds he had made when he had come down his throat. Then he remembered what he had done after Ohno had disappeared into his bedroom, how he had jerked himself off because his time with Ohno had turned him on more than he had wanted it to.
'We'll see what happens now. As long as he doesn't ask and doesn't throw me out of the apartment, everything can stay the way it is. Even though I'll have to suck him off more often now.'
#13
That night he didn't write a note and he didn't cook dinner.
"I'm home," Ohno's voice drifted to his ears from the hall. Nino reacted at once and hurried towards Ohno, who had just slipped out of his shoes. He didn't hesitate, but wrapped his arms around the other and pushed him back until his back was pressed against the wall. Before Ohno could open his mouth to say something, Nino's lips pressed against his.
He had more than one reason for doing this. But the most important was the erection throbbing in his pants. He had made the mistake of thinking about the night before during the day and in the late afternoon, shortly before Ohno had come home, it had just become too much. His memories had made him so hot that even the thought of a repeat of last night - of Ohno's cock in his mouth - had made him unbearably hard.
That, and only that, was the reason why he was kissing Ohno with all the passion he could muster right now.
It didn't take long for Ohno to get over his momentary shock and return the kiss. Still pushing him into the wall, Nino grabbed Ohno's crotch and started massaging his cock through his pants. He wasn't surprised to feel him harden at his ministrations.
But Nino needed release and he needed it fast, right away, so he didn't wait for some sort of sign that this was alright but pressed his hips against Ohno's and started rubbing his erection against his. And all the while he was still kissing Ohno, more and more deeply as the time went on. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, then pushed his tongue into Ohno's. It wasn't a tender kiss, had never been one, but it was full of raw passion. He shifted his hips away from Ohno's for a moment, but only far enough so he could open his pants and pull then down as far as they would go. Feeling Ohno return the favor was all the confirmation he needed that he wasn't the only one that wanted this.
He didn't have the patience to work his boxers off as well, but when he pushed back against Ohno's hips, the friction was just enough to drive him over the edge and make him moan loudly into Ohno's opened mouth. Their lips were only touching now, rubbing against each other every now and then, but there was no pressure behind it, both of them were too far gone to concentrate on the kiss. The movements of their hips were too fast, the friction created by their cocks too delicious.
It didn't take long for Nino to reach his climax. For him to start trembling suddenly, press his whole body against Ohno, moan loudly and come in his pants. Ohno followed only moments later, burying his head in Nino's shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around the other’s back.
They were breathing heavily into each other's shoulders. Suddenly all the strength had left Nino's body and only Ohno's arms around him were holding him up. They stayed like this for a long moment, both of them trying to control their breathing.
After a while Ohno's words reached his ears, very quietly:
"I heard you..."
At first Nino didn't realize what Ohno meant and was about to ask when he suddenly understood.
He had moaned. And very loudly at that.
#14
Still completely overwhelmed by his orgasm, Ohno stared at Nino. It wasn't that he had practically jumped on him; no, it was because Ohno had definitely heard his voice.
"I heard your voice," he confirmed again. "Maybe you can— try to say something else!"
Maybe they should have been talking about something else, like what had happened between them yet again, but in that moment Ohno only cared about Nino's voice. Nino only looked at him for a few seconds, thinking, then he opened his mouth to try and make a sound. Ohno couldn't hear anything.
Disappointed, Nino looked down at the floor and Ohno had to swallow heavily.
"Maybe you just can't think about it." He shrugged his shoulders and pushed off the wall. But the movement made him notice the mess in his pants again and suddenly all the thoughts were back.
'I did it again. And this time he really joined in... we kissed.'
Quickly Ohno shook his head, trying not to think about it anymore. His cheeks were already heating up enough as it was.
"We... erm... I need to go to the bathroom. Yeah."
Without another word, Ohno pulled up his pants and disappeared, leaving Nino in the hall while he locked himself into the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the tub and buried his head in his hands, sighing deeply.
He could still feel his orgasm all over his body. A pleasant fatigue that sadly didn't cloud his mind. His thoughts were racing, running in circles and doing cartwheels, and they showed no sign of stopping.
Things couldn't go on like this. This couldn't escalate, Ohno couldn't let that happen.
So he did the only thing that seemed reasonable after he had changed his boxers. He went back into the living room, back to Nino, who by now had stretched out on the sofa and was absently flicking through a magazine, and confronted him.
"Why are you doing this?" Ohno asked, a little more direct than he had originally planned. Nino was taken by surprise by his question, but the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.
I'm returning the favor.
To Ohno it seemed to take an eternity until Nino had written those words. But it seemed even longer until he actually understood them.
"You... what?" he stuttered.
Nino grinned, taking even more time than usual for his next words.
Think of it
Of course Ohno could see what Nino had crossed out. It created a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Payment?" he asked, but Nino quickly shook his head, circled the words 'thank you' a few times and pointed at them with the pencil. He smiled, but to Ohno it looked somewhat forced. Somehow he feared where this conversation was going.
'Maybe I don't want to know the details after all...,' he thought suddenly.
"I don't want you to do this," slipped past Ohno's lips, completely unintentionally, because he hadn't made such a decision yet. He hadn't even thought about whether he wanted it or not.
Of course you want it. It's obvious.
Now Nino wasn't smiling anymore, but looking at him seriously. Ohno wasn't sure if he liked it.
"I...," he began, but Nino had already continued writing.
I don't mind, if that's what you're concerned about.
"Actually that's not what I'm concerned about," Ohno replied without otherwise acknowledging the sentence. "I could be in a lot of trouble if this gets out. You're not even twenty yet."
Ohno had barely finished speaking when Nino was suddenly standing up. There was a determination in his gaze that unnerved Ohno. Something that made him no longer look like the little boy Ohno had found in a ditch on his way home. The impression only hardened when Nino stood in front of him once more, at eye level and so incredibly close again. As close as he had been in the hall, when they—
Then Nino kissed him. Again.
#15
'I let it escalate.'
Ohno looked down at the body next to him, while he was fighting against his guilty consciousness on the inside. He gazed at Nino's relaxed face, his closed eyes and his black eyelashes that could be seen much more clearly now. His gaze wandered over Nino's cheek, from one birthmark to the next, moving closer and closer to his lips. There he paused. He could still feel them against his own and had to brush his own mouth with his fingers to prove to himself that there was nothing there anymore.
His life had gotten out of hand, ever since he had found Nino, nothing had been the same. His daily routine had changed, there was no dull waking up, going to work, coming home and going to bed anymore, only to repeat the process the next day. His work had become a secondary occupation and the most important part of his day were the hours he spent at home with Nino.
But these changes also brought with them a new kind of stress. He had to think about so many things now; for one there was Nino's lost voice that posed a problem, then there was Nino's past in which something dreadful must have happened. Sometimes Ohno asked himself why nobody rang his doorbell to ask about Nino. Or why Nino didn't contact anyone, no family members, no friends. Ohno thought about all of that every day.
And now he had even more to think about. And it was slowly becoming too much.
Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back on the bed. Nino had shown him quite clearly that he wasn't as young as Ohno had thought. They had had sex and Ohno wasn't stupid. He knew the difference between a grown man and a boy.
They had had sex.
'Fuck...,' Ohno cursed silently as the thought slowly sank in. 'I really allowed things to come this far.'
#16
Not even Nino had planned to go that far. But it had overcome him, just like that; instead of simply telling Ohno that he wasn't the little boy Ohno had thought he was, he had shown him.
The only problem was that he had liked it. Very much. He had once and for all brought their relationship to a higher level. And just like in the video games he used to play, there was no going back to a previous level. The only way was up. He couldn't take the sex back and he couldn't even make himself believe that he was returning a favor anymore; much less make Ohno believe it.
They didn't talk about it, even though maybe they should have. Ohno didn't mention it when he came home at night and they ended up in bed again. Or on the sofa. Or in the shower. And he didn't mention it when they woke up together in the morning. Nino knew that it was wrong and most likely Ohno knew it, too. But this thing between them had been wrong from the very beginning. You didn't take in complete strangers and let them live with you. You didn't just run away without a word. And you didn't just lose your voice from one day to the next.
With all these abnormalities in their relationship, what did it matter if they ended up having sex every day without talking about it?
#17
Something was changing inside of Ohno.
He didn't notice it at first, too much had changed around him and it had happened so fast that he hardly paid attention to what was happening within. But after Nino had lived with him for a month and they had had regular sex for about three weeks, he suddenly noticed that something was changing.
His desire grew. His desire for more grew steadily.
Every day he couldn't wait to get home, because he knew Nino would welcome him home with a kiss, with a touch and ultimately with sex.
He was afraid of where all of this would eventually lead.
#18
He had only just managed to take off his jacket before Ohno dragged him into the bedroom. Nino couldn't even form a coherent thought before he felt Ohno's soft bed beneath him. He wanted to wrap his arms around Ohno who had quickly climbed on top of him, but he couldn't move. Confused he looked up at Ohno, but the other only grinned cheekily and loosened his tie with one hand. Seconds later, Nino felt the fabric around his wrists, a little too tight for his liking, but he didn't protest. He was too excited to see what Ohno would do next.
Ohno pressed against him and Nino gasped soundlessly. Every time they did this he was surprised by how much control Ohno had over his hips, how he could move them and make Nino lose his mind so quickly.
His body burned wildly in arousal and he had to admit to himself that not a small part of it was because he was completely helpless. He couldn't move his arms, couldn't struggle, but most of all he couldn't tell Ohno to stop. The combination turned him on something fierce.
And Ohno seemed to sense this, his grin widened and he leaned down further to nip at Nino's throat. Turned on even more by this, Nino’s breath hitched and he pushed his hips back against Ohno's.
"Hmm... you like that, don't you?" Ohno growled softly against his ear.
‘You bet!' Nino answered in his thoughts.
Ohno reached down towards his pants and minutes later every last barrier between them had been removed. The only article of clothing that remained was Nino's shirt as Ohno didn't seem inclined to untie his hands in order to take it off. Nino didn't care, because he could feel Ohno's tongue on his cock, hot and wet. He opened his mouth, soundlessly expelled air in what would have been a loud moan had he not still been subconsciously waiting to make a sound. Ohno was right, he should stop thinking about it. But ever since it had happened the first time they had been together like this, he couldn't stop wishing for it to happen again. No matter how turned on he was by Ohno.
When Ohno enveloped his cock in his mouth, he couldn't stop himself from pushing up into him. He had to feel him, all of him. And Ohno didn't struggle, he took everything Nino had to offer. He bobbed his head up and down, faster and faster. The friction felt too good, Ohno felt too good and Nino was nearly gone when he thought he felt Ohno's teeth.
But before he could fall over the edge and let his orgasm wash over him, Ohno suddenly stopped. Nino wanted to scream, wanted to push deeper into Ohno's mouth in order to come, but Ohno had already gotten off the bed. Nino yanked on the tie, tried to loosen it and call for Ohno, but he couldn't and suddenly he realized that he was completely at the other’s mercy.
'Fuck!' he cursed silently, but that was as far as he got, because suddenly Ohno was back, bending over him once more and pushing his legs apart, when Nino felt something cold and wet on his skin. He threw back his head and gave himself up to the sensations.
#19
"We can't go on like this." With these words Ohno came home the next night. Memories of their time together the night before had haunted him all day. It frightened him to remember how much he had enjoyed that Nino had been unable to fight him, that he had just lain there, tied up and mute. And now that he could see Nino walk towards him again even though he had just opened the door, a meaningful grin on his lips, something inside of Ohno exploded.
"Nino, we can't go on like this!" he gasped, because Nino had already loosened his tie. He paused in his movements and looked at Ohno grimly.
"You've been living here for a month now and still we haven't talked about why — what happened." Ohno didn't know why he was faltering now, since he had rehearsed this speech on the way home, after all.
"You still can't talk. This can't go on forever. And we can't keep waiting for it to be alright again and... and... we can't fuck every day as if everything was alright the way it is." While he had talked Ohno had grown more and more angry – something that was very atypical for him, but the whole situation was changing him. Nino was changing him.
Stop thi— Nino quickly wrote onto his small pad of paper, but Ohno reached for his hand and stopped him.
“I won't stop. This just can't go on. What we're doing is wrong. This is not a life worth living." With every sentence he spoke he grew more quietly until his last words were nothing more than a whisper. This wasn't what he had meant to say, but now that the words were out there, it seemed the only right thing to say. This simply couldn’t continue.
This time he didn't stop Nino when he started to write down his answer.
That's not fair. It didn't bother you the last four weeks. Why now?
For a moment Ohno looked at the note, reread Nino's words over and over again. Then he replied.
"Because it didn't get better. Because I'm afraid it's getting worse."
Nino grimaced and in any other situation he would have looked cute.
"Don't you want a normal life?" he asked him almost tenderly.
I like things the way they are. Of course I'd like to Nino hesitated, seemingly thinking about what it was he wanted.
I would like to have a job again. But that's not possible anymore.
Ohno hesitated. Should he ask him why he couldn't have a job anymore? But he refrained, he hadn't pushed Nino to talk about it in all the time they had known each other and he wouldn't start now. However, there was something else as well.
"Somehow... if I think about it... I don't even want to know what happened to you. As harsh as it sounds, but I think it's more important that we get our future sorted out. Not your past."
Our future?
Only when Nino had written those words did Ohno realize what he had just said. But it was exactly how he had meant it.
"Well, I don't sleep with you for no reason. At first you might have seduced me, but now I think... it's quite mutual." Ohno couldn't suppress a small smile and was relieved when Nino returned it.
How about this, we keep having sex and I go looking for a doctor that can help me get my voice back. Deal?
He had hardly finished writing when Ohno leaned towards him and pressed his lips against Nino's
"Deal."
#20
That night Ohno finally realized that he had found what he had been looking for all this time.
The End
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