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ninoexchange2015-06-17 11:22 pm
nino-mod.livejournal.com) wrote in ninoexchange2015-06-17 11:22 pm
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fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gurajiorasu (2/2)
For: gurajiorasu
From:sky_fish7
Part 1
*****
Things had changed. Nino had changed. And Sho seriously worried about Nino.
Of course, Sho did hear about Nino’s alcohol escapades once in a while since his friends had their ears and lips everywhere and he even heard that about Nino and that guy, a supposed friend of Nishikido Ryo. And it bothered him. Well, it wasn't that Sho actually believed that Nino was the slut he became rumored to be but most likely, he really was with a guy. And probably even had sex with him. Not that Sho cared. Fuck that, Sho did care! He always cared about Nino and since Nino was behaving so strange, the urge of taking care of him was even stronger than ever before. Just that things had changed and Sho somehow couldn't approach Nino that easily any longer. It was like a huge thick transparent wall had suddenly appeared between them. Sho knew now that it was him who set the first stones for it but he also knew that it was Nino who continued his work, more accurate than Sho ever wanted it to be.
The whole thing bugged Sho more than he thought it would. More than once he had played with the thought of contacting Nino and talking to him about everything but what right did he have?
Nino had grown up now, far from the small boy who had once kissed him in innocent curiosity. His love life had nothing to do with Sho, and was nothing that the older should be concerned about. And that one time Nino had told him that Sho had basically lost his right to barge into his private life anyway. Sho had taken it as a blow and since then, he hadn’t dared to come too close to his band mate again. He also didn’t really have the chance to talk to the others about Nino because he felt like this would betray Nino's demands and make Sho look like a silly, curious person that wasn’t able to respect others’ boundaries. And how strange would that look when in the beginning he had been the one distancing himself from the others, redefining their boundaries?
In the meantime, he had proven his theory, that Arashi without showing too much of their off-camera behavior towards each other, was still successful. Their sales were stable, their fans still loved them and everything seemed fine. Maybe, at some point, Sho would have just gone back to his former self and start interacting more with his fellow group members again. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss hanging out with them at backstage, to chat with them, to laugh at Nino’s jokes in the green room or to go get some drinks together with them after work from time to time, but somehow, things had just changed.
Except his relationship with Jun maybe, which didn’t really change since they had not been that close in private before and more or less had work as their only common point. So things with Jun were fine according to Sho’s definition. But his relationship with the other members had definitely changed for the worse. Aiba had stopped inviting Sho for a beer, Ohno was never the type to invite him anyway but Sho somehow didn’t feel comfortable anymore to ask the other himself, like he used to do before. And Nino… things with Nino had become completely different somehow. Nino had stopped being cheerful and funny in the green room, he had stopped calling and messaging Sho like he used to do earlier, and somehow he had developed a more abrasive attitude towards Sho than one friendly co-workers would share. Sho couldn't say that he actually liked how things were going between them lately.
“By the way, Sho, what is going on with Ninomiya lately?” Shige asked his friend as he handed him a glass of whiskey and settled down on a cushion in front of him at the other side of the low table in his living room.
Sho sighed, taking the glass and swirling it in his hand, looking at the streaks that the alcohol left behind on the glass. Shige had invited him over, had wanted to talk with Sho about his manuscript again and get some advice, but of course they had ended up drinking a bit and talking a bit about whatever that came to their mind. Sho lifted the glass and took a sip of the alcohol, wetting his lips with the slightly sweet taste of Shige's mild Aberlour.
“You know, I heard things, rumors... it seems the agency doesn't let get anything inappropriate outside but... is it true that he lets men pay for his drinks and then... goes home with them, if you know what I mean?”
Sho put down his glass again, maybe with a little more force than he had intended, making Shige look at him, startled.
“Sho? Everything's alright?”
“Let's not talk about Nino please,” the older said calmly, taking another sip.
Shige hummed and after a few minutes of silence, he asked frankly, “Are you angry at him?”
“Why should I?!” Sho suddenly exploded. “If he wants to meet some guys and make them pay for his drinks, what's so unusual about it? He gets treated by everyone anyway, this has nothing to do with prostitution or whatever people think they want to call it. I often paid for his drinks, that's what friends do from time to time. He thanked me properly and that's it. And if he now goes home with them afterwards, doing what-do-I-know, it has nothing to do with who paid for his damned drinks! If he wants to have sex with someone, it's his decision. He's an adult, damned it!”
“Seriously, Sho, why are you so angry suddenly?” Shige asked shocked.
“I'm not angry!” Sho yelled.
“What would you call it then?”
“I said, I'm not angry!”
“All right, all right, calm down,” Shige answered in a low voice, smiling and trying to loosen the tension in the air. He chuckled and took another sip of his glass. “Man, if I didn't know it better, I'd say, you're jealous because he never went home with you after you paid for his drinks.”
Damned. Sho gulped down the rest of content of his glass, trying to hide his blush but it was already too late, Shige must have noticed anyway.
“No way... you're kidding me,” the younger said. “You actually are jealous, aren't you?”
It took Shige quite a while and at least 3 glasses more of his Aberlour to finally make the older talk. Sho had never told anyone about what had happened between him and Arashi, between him and Nino, why they weren't exactly on “good terms” lately. But in the end, even he told Shige about the one evening when he had seen Nino and Aiba kissing each other at this very same restaurant, just a few booths away from where he had been holding a gathering with his friends and how shocked he was.
Sho had started to realize and to regret. He heard of Nino's escapades and those feelings had started to grow inside of Sho. The feelings showed him that he wasn’t only worried for his co-worker and friend. No, Shige was right, he was deeply jealous of those guys who spent their time with Nino now, possibly much closer to him than Sho had ever been. He remembered their teenage kiss and he got angry. He wished back for that innocent boy who had kissed him. He wanted to be the one paying for Nino's drinks.
He regretted that things had to come that far, that he had to distance himself from Arashi first to finally realize how much they, and especially Nino, meant to him. And maybe, it was too late now to admit his mistake and to go back to things like they used to be.
Sho wasn't sure if it was the nth glass of whiskey or something else, but he wanted to throw up.
*****
“Seriously, Nino, you should order water next,” Ohno suggested to his friend and snatched away the half empty glass of beer to finish it himself. He was still sober, compared to the other.
“Don’t steal my beer, Oh-chan!” the younger protested and immediately turned to his left, tugging Aiba at his sleeves. “Maa-chan, Oh-chan stole my beer! Do something!”
Aiba just patted his friend’s hair and offered to feed him a piece of yakiniku instead. The three guys had decided to go out eating after dance practice to celebrate the release of their new single. Jun and Sho had checked themselves out, Jun had to get up early for filming the following day and Sho had – not really surprisingly – other plans already. But that didn’t keep the other three members of Arashi from celebrating.
“I’m going to the toilet,” Nino then murmured and got up a bit tipsily, excusing himself.
“Take care,” Aiba yelled after him.
When Nino had exited the private booth that he shared with his friends and slowly walked along the corridor, he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him.
“Ninomiya-kun, hey!”
When Nino turned around, almost tripping over his feet, he spotted – this yellow shock of hair was unmistakable - Tegoshi Yuya. The younger rushed towards his senior and let his arm slip around Nino’s waist to prevent the other from falling.
“Hey~,” Nino answered smiling, not complaining as Tegoshi pulled one of Nino's arms over his shoulders. “Long time no see. Everything’s going fine?”
“Perfect, thanks for asking,” the bunch of smiles answered, cheerful like always. “What about you, Senpai?”
“You know… things happen…,” Nino mumbled.
“Yeah, I heard,” Tegoshi smirked, eying his senior knowingly. “Talking about that, what do you think about the possibility of something happening between you and me tonight? Of course I'll pay for your beer.”
Nino just chuckling shortly at this attempted fake flirt – side blow included. It wasn’t the first time that a fellow Johnny mocked him, since that rumor Ryo had spread. He had hoped that people would forget quickly but somehow, this rumor had turned into a running gag. However, Nino knew how to deal with gags.
“I’m sorry, Tegonyan, you know, blonde isn’t exactly my type,” Nino joked back in a sing-song voice.
“Ah is that so… well, can’t be helped then, right?” the younger laughed, obviously not minding the rebuff. Most likely, he really had just been joking. “Want to go to the toilet too? Need some help?”
“Only with walking!” Nino made clear, pinching Tegoshi's cheek with his index finger.
“Certainly.”
When the two of them swung the door to the toilet open, the room was empty, except of one person. Nino froze at the unexpected sight of someone he knew.
*****
“Nino?” Sho wasn't less surprised to find the other there.
“Oh look who's here, Tegonyan, it's Sho-kun. Say hello to Sho-kun,” Nino chuckled obviously, after finding his composure – if someone could call his condition like that – again.
“Good evening, Sakurai-kun,” Tegoshi greeted his senpai appropriately and Sho nodded his head to answer the greeting.
“What a coincidence,” Nino continued. “I thought, you had other plans instead of celebrating with us?”
“I had an appointment scheduled with a friend here. I didn't know you were coming here, didn't Ohno want to try a new ramen place or something? ”
“Aibashi said if it's celebrating it has to be yakiniku, so Oh-chan gave in,” Nino answered, gesturing with his free arm, the other still around Tegoshi's neck. The younger seemed to have obvious trouble standing straight with Nino swinging dangerously.
Sho just looked at his band mate for a moment before he averted his eyes again, murmuring, “Aren't you getting a bit too drunk again, Nino? You should take care.”
“Why does it concern you?”
Sho didn't answer and continued focusing on washing his hands properly. Nino then freed himself from Tegoshi's support and stumbled against Sho's side, pushing him away from the water basin. Surprised, Sho looked at him, the younger glared at him, challenging.
“So? Why does it concern you?”
“Cut it out Nino,” Sho just answered in a cold tone while he quickly dried his hands at the side of his trousers. He didn't feel like arguing with the other. “I won't say anything more, if you want to get drunk and get fucked by your junior, go ahead.”
“Uhm... I think I should leave now,” Tegoshi said with a hint of embarrassment and slipped out of the toilet, leaving them alone.
What a coward, Sho thought, rolling his eyes.
“What's this, Sho,” Nino smirked. He got closer, putting his hands onto Sho's torso and leaned closer so that he could whisper into the other's ear. “Jealous? You want to do it with me too?”
Sho looked at the younger shocked but he couldn't deny that his heart had started to race. He felt caught. He cleared his throat and chuckled slightly. “Stop joking, Nino. What are you talking about?”
Nino then buried his head against Sho's chest so that the other couldn't see his facial expression but only a bunch of black hair as the younger murmured, “I wouldn't mind doing it with Sho-chan.”
He must be kidding. The alcohol was definitely not doing Nino any good, it must have turned him completely lunatic, Sho thought. He should better bring him back to the others quickly. “Nino, come on, I'll bring you back to Aiba and Ohno,” he suggested gently, putting his hands onto Nino's shoulders in order to make him turn around.
But Nino seemed to have other plans as he suddenly started guiding Sho towards one of the cubicles, pushing him inside, pulling the door close behind them. He turned towards Sho, leaning heavily close so that Sho was slammed against the wall of the cubicle, surprised and confused about Nino's sudden action. The younger looked up to Sho, showing him a look in his eyes that Sho wasn't able to read, before closing his eyes and leaning in to press his lips against Sho's.
Just after a second, Nino tried deepening the kiss, moving his lips against Sho's, parting them slightly, his alcoholic breath covering Sho's mouth. He let his hands wander over Sho's body, up to his shirt's collar. He started opening the first few buttons, letting his fingers slide under the light fabric, caressing the skin of Sho's neck, his collarbones. Nino pressed his body closer.
First, Sho was simply shocked but then, a mixture of feelings exploded in his chest and the man suddenly seemed unable to handle the situation. He didn't know what was stronger. The confusion over Nino's action? The urge of pulling him even closer to deepen their kiss? This wonderful feeling of Nino's warm lips on his, one that he – he had to admit after all – wished to feel again after so many years, not just once only? Or maybe... this small but persistent feeling of disgust, of being used by Nino, being used like how a bunch of other people had been used already, just as Nino had probably intended to use Tegoshi tonight, for example.
Eventually, Sho pushed the other back, slightly, resting his hands on Nino's shoulders for a moment. His breath was hitching and he still felt the ghost of Nino's warm, wet lips on his mouth. But this had nothing to do with the sweet kiss from their teenage days, had nothing to do with what he had been longing for. This hadn't been sweet at all, it had been harsh and filled with roughness.
Sho couldn't deny it any longer, he wanted Nino. But he didn't want this Nino, a drunken twink who seemed to be fine with getting laid by whoever was willing to do so. He wanted Nino as he used to be, nice, funny, shy. The Nino that – even if this insight had maybe come to him too late– he cherished, loved... and maybe had thought of too much of, as a matter of fact. Just because Sho intended to keep on with Arashi forever, it didn't mean that Arashi's members would still stay the very same individuals they had been. Sho had changed. Nino had changed even more. Maybe both developments hadn't been to any good and maybe, it was eventually time to fix things... if they still could be fixed.
*****
“Nino, stop that! I don't recognize you anymore. What you're doing here is disgusting, offering yourself to someone just like that... You're drinking too much lately, seriously. Pull yourself together,” Sho finally whispered the harsh words, averting Nino's eyes as he buttoned up his shirt's collar again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, taking a small bundle of bills and pushing it into the other's hands. “Take a taxi and go home for tonight, you have enough, I think.”
With that, Sho finally turned around, pushing the door open, and sliding out of the small cubicle as fast as he could. Then, he was gone.
Nino was still staring at the closed door, trying to process what had just happened. When he finally realized the slightly crumbled money in his hand, he too felt disgusted by himself. He had overdone it, obviously, behaving like a drunken idiot and making use of those stupid rumors just to get close to Sho again. What did he expect? And how deep had he sunken if someone who wasn't even particularly his friend any longer was even willing to pay for his taxi fare just to get rid of him?
Nino crumbled the bills in his trembling hand and couldn't prevent his knees from giving in, letting himself drop back against the wall, slowly sliding down until he met the floor. A first sob escaped from his lips as he finally completely lost control over himself, letting all the emotions he had kept up for so long break free. Disappointment, fear, anger, sadness. Nino hugged his knees close, burying his face against them, wetting the fabric of his jeans with his tears.
If Aiba and Ohno hadn't found Nino collapsed sobbing in the cubicle, he might have spent the whole night there, crying until some of the restaurant’s staff members threw him out. Aiba took a taxi together with Nino, who of course didn’t use Sho’s money, and spent the night on Nino’s couch so that he could check on the other before he left for work the next morning. After a short night rest caused by the alcohol, Nino just laid in bed, his head spinning as his body was working hard to become sober again. He refused the breakfast Aiba made for him and so the older left it behind on the kitchen counter. Nino gave him the bills he had received from Sho the previous night, begging his friend to return them in his place. With that, Aiba left, with Nino promising half-heartedly that he would take care of himself properly.
After the fiasco in the restaurant, Nino hit rock bottom. He detested himself, he was angry at himself, ashamed of what he did and he feared more than ever, that he have lost Sho forever now. What had become of him? The other must at least hate him as much as Nino hated himself.
Nino didn’t sleep for almost three days, expect of a few short naps, kept busy with work or awake by his thoughts. He was relieved that for those days there was only solo work scheduled so that he could avoid Sho and the others for now. He didn’t pick up any calls from the others and just texted Aiba once so that they didn’t need to worry about him.
*****
When Nino arrived at work the other day, he looked awful. His eyes were red-shot, the huge dark circles around his eyes told stories of sleepless nights and he looked even paler and thinner than usual. Sho could only gape at him when he looked up from his newspaper, just like the rest of Arashi.
“Nino? Gosh, what happened, are you sick?” Jun asked, concerned, as the other let himself drop next to Ohno on the couch, his bag dropping to the floor.
“No, I just didn’t sleep well,” Nino murmured and immediately focused his eyes on the low table between them. He looked awfully tired.
Sho, who was sitting opposite him frowned. Worried, he lowered his newspaper and just when he parted his lips, it was Ohno who asked the question he was about to voice.
“Did you eat anything?” Ohno gave the younger a critical look.
“I’m not hungry.”
“That’s not an answer to my question, Nino.”
Nino just glared at Ohno without saying another word and the other fell silent.
“Nino, you can’t go on like this,” now it was Sho who spoke up. “You look horrible! Do you want to show yourself to the interviewer like this? If you’re not feeling well, you should call in sick. Don't you care about the impression we give to the media?”
Maybe, Sho should have chosen his words a bit more carefully, as he saw the annoyed look in Nino's eyes. He actually had wanted to say something else, something more concerned about Nino's health and not based on what impression he could make on some random reporter. This wasn't the important thing here. Nevertheless, Sho had taken over the duty of acting reasonable for the group, in order to make the concept of Arashi work, in order to protect their achievements. Climbing to the top itself had been a hard task for all of them, staying there was even harder, considering the fragile ground they were walking on. The higher you are, the more it hurts when you fall and if Sho had to be the one hurting his fellow band members with harsh words from time to time in order to keep them from falling, he would carry this burden.
It was just that Nino still didn't seem to see this hidden concern and so, the other finally exploded.
“Who are you to tell me what I should do or not? You play the big boss as if you are the only one concerned about Arashi and about what we’re doing,” Nino hissed, giving Sho a disgusted look. “Stop faking, Sho. In reality you just keep us as long as it’s profitable and you long stopped being part of us. You ask if I don't care about what impression we make? Cut it out, really! I don't feel well and nevertheless I'm coming to work because I care. Believe it or not, I'm taking this job as serious as you do!”
“It's alright Nino, we know that, calm down,” Aiba spoke up, trying to prevent the inevitable but it was too late.
“You care?” Sho chuckled, tossing away his newspaper, glaring at Nino. “If you do care, why is it that you keep on sleeping around like crazy, even letting people believe that you are getting paid for it, if it's bullshit?” Nino gaped at Sho, bewilderment covering his face but he couldn't react and before Sho knew what exactly was coming out from him, he kept on hurting the other, hurting himself too like this, piercing his own heart with the verbalization of his deepest fear. “If you cared, wouldn't you try to keep your reputation clean? Or... don't tell me that you can't do that because it's actually true?”
“Sho!” Jun chimed in with a harsh voice.
“I have enough of this,” Nino finally stood up, his voice was shaking badly and his eyes looked hurt. “Maybe Mr. Perfect Sakurai would prefer if I leave the group? Will that satisfy you?”
“Nino!!” Jun exclaimed, even more shocked than before, while Aiba slammed his hands in front of his mouth. Ohno slapped his own forehead and shook his head.
Sho stared at Nino, his heart feeling stabbed. This wasn't funny, damned. Not funny at all! “You - you want to quit Arashi?” he asked in a low voice, shocked.
Nino sighed heavily, brushing his hand over his face before he pulled in a deep breath and faced Sho again. “Of course I do not want to quit Arashi, idiot! I want it back the way it was before you came up with this great idea of stopping to be friends and just focusing on work and our talents and that whole shit. Maybe, for you “Arashi” is just a job but for me, it’s not only my job, it’s my life!”
“Nino, I never said anything about stopping to be friends,” Sho responded.
And then the dam was breached and tears spilled out of Nino's eyes as he continued yelling. “But that’s what you did! You stopped being our friend and you ruined everything with that!”
“What did I ruin, Nino? Arashi is still doing great, the sales, everything…”
“What you did ruin? Well… it’s your luck that all of us are professionals so we kept up Arashi’s success up to now, yes, but what you ruined was the true Arashi, our essence,” Nino spilled, “What we used to be – yeah, I mean backstage and in the green room and after work when we celebrated or whatever. Just because you were obsessed by the idea of not letting this show to the outside. You ruined things between us. And between you and me. Didn’t you even notice? You’ve always been so kind and then suddenly you were just… cold and I just can’t cope with this any longer… I don’t recognize you anymore, what did you do to my best friend?!” Nino yelled at him, despair making his voice trembled.
Sho’s heart cringed when he heard Nino spoke those words and a wave of compunction took over him. Nino had called him his best friend… Maybe, this was the first time that Sho realized that he meant that much to Nino. He knew that Nino liked him, that he was attached to him, at least since the day when the two of them found out they would be in a new group called “Arashi” and started worrying about their future together. And especially since they shot the dorama “Yamada Taro” together.
Around that time, they had become really close and he learned a lot about the other. He learned that Nino sometimes liked to get clingy to the people he liked because he often felt lonely. He learned that Nino was often too shy to voice his real thoughts and tended to warp them into jokes, especially when he was younger. He learned that Nino, even if he wasn’t the chatty type, could start endless conversations with people he was close to – people like Sho and the other Arashi members. He learned that Nino didn’t have that many friends, not the close type ones at least. He learned that Nino counted him as part of his “inner circle”, obviously… but he didn’t know that Nino considered him as his best friend. Well, had considered him as his best friend...
“I’m done with you,” Nino finally hissed, darting an empty look at Sho, piercing the other’s heart.
The older man could only stare at the door that slammed shut a second later, leaving the remaining Arashi members behind.
“I feared it would come to such a situation,” Ohno sighed.
“Well done, Sho,” Jun murmured ironically, crossing his arms in front of his chest while Aiba composed himself and announced that he would go and get the other back after he shot a disappointed look toward Sho.
“What?! You’re blaming only me for this mess?”
“Are you really that stupid? Why do you think, Nino became like that? Did you even listen to him?” Jun continued, obviously close to losing his temper.
“You hurt him, Sho,” Ohno stated calmly. “Maybe it wasn’t your intention but it’s a fact that with your behavior lately, you hurt him badly. It drove him to despair, didn't you notice the level of his alcohol consumption lately? To say it carefully, it's alarming sometimes. And now you insulted him so badly! I mean, you know him the best out of us, you should know that he doesn't do something like that for money, seriously. Gosh, Sho, he thought you were best friends! We all thought that. But did you ever treat him accordingly lately?”
“Maybe not but… didn’t you hear those stories about him?” Sho asked as if this was an excuse for his behavior.
“You mean his so-called one-night-stands?”
“So-called? If those weren’t one-night-stands, what would you call them?”
“Even if he had one-night-stands, why does it concern you?” Jun barged in.
Sho didn’t answer. He couldn’t just admit that he was deadly jealous in front of the others, could he?
“Sho, seriously, you don’t really believe that crap, do you?” Jun asked in disbelief.
“You mean, it’s not true?”
“Of course it’s not true. Nino isn’t a whore,” the younger replied firmly.
“But… the story Nishikido told?”
“You want to know what happened?” Ohno sighed. “Nino told me everything. He met Nishikido at a bar and got invited to his place. It seems they kissed when they were drinking together but Nino refused more, so he left Nishikido’s place, who then became angry and started spreading that ridiculous rumor. It’s a lie. I guess, he was just mad at Nino for rejecting him.”
Sho gulped. If this was true… “And the stories about those other men? And I saw him with Tegoshi at the yakiniku place recently, what was that?”
“I don’t know where those are coming from but I’m pretty sure those are rumors too,” Ohno explained. “Nino was with me and Aiba at the yakiniku place, maybe he just met Tegoshi there by chance. Is seeing them together enough for you to freak out?”
“But… but he and Aiba, they kissed on that day in the yakiniku restaurant, I saw them!” Sho kept on and surprisingly, Ohno seemed to know the truth behind this story too.
“Gosh, that old story? Wasn’t that years ago? Yes, they kissed because Nino was drunk and wanted to get comforted after you behaved like a jerk, but nothing more happened. He fell asleep at the restaurant, Aiba took him home, end of story.”
“And what about this? He kissed me out of the blue and asked me if I was jealous and wanted to do it with him too… what do you think he was referring to then?”
“Oh, that’s what happened? Gosh, did that idiot have to make things even more complicated?” Jun remarked silently.
“Well, he was obviously provoking you,” Ohno explained. “To see how you'd react, perhaps to see if you really thought he would do something like that. And now you even gave him the answer to that question verbally. Sho, you should know him better. You should have trusted him more.”
In that moment, hearing Ohno’s analysis of the situation and letting it sink in, Sho covered his mouth at the shocking realization. All of the sudden he felt guilty for having distrusted Nino so much, for more or less ignoring him. It was true, somehow Nino was his best friend. He always had a special place in his heart, maybe they didn’t talk about all of their deepest secrets but they used to share the same way of thinking and an unspoken mutual understanding, like soul mates. Sho missed that. He missed Nino and he knew that it was his own fault to have risked losing the most important person in his life.
Sho sank back onto the couch. He had really been too obsessed by the idea that he and Arashi could be successful without that “special bond” between them and the thought that he wanted them to shine not because of that but because they were good performers. He had been too selfish to see that he had actually hurt someone he loved badly with his behavior. Remembering Nino's hurt look, Sho suddenly feared that Nino might not come back.
“Do you know that he loves you?” Ohno asked suddenly, pulling Sho out of his thoughts.
“He… what?” Sho froze.
“He is in love with you, at least that’s what he told me. Admittedly, he was drunk then but I’m pretty sure that it was the truth since it just confirmed a long-term suspicion, anyway.”
Sho reached his fingers up to his lips again. If that was true, then maybe that kiss... the remark that Nino wouldn't mind doing it with Sho... Could he really be so blind?
“I think, that’s another reason, why he was even more hurt by what you did to us than the rest of us was,” Ohno voiced Sho’s assumption.
“You should go and apologize or he might hate you forever,” Jun agreed, still a bit grumpy, pushing Sho’s shoulder.
“I - I am so sorry guys, I really screwed up...”
“Don’t worry, Sho, it’s not too late to fix things. We know that you didn’t have bad intentions, you just… let’s say, your methods weren’t exactly good,” Ohno flashed him a warm smile and Sho couldn’t suppress the urge to jump up and hug the other man. “Now go and apologize to Nino, idiot.”
“Fix him, or I’ll kick both of you out of Arashi myself,” Jun threatened the other but his slightly smirking lips showed Sho that he was joking… hopefully.
*****
After searching through almost the whole floor, Sho entered the furthest room in the corridor, and finally found what he was searching for. He found Aiba and Nino sitting on one of the couches reserved for waiting artists. Aiba’s arm settled around Nino’s shoulder and Nino’s body shaking slightly. He could hear some small sobs and Aiba’s soft voice trying to cheer the younger up, obviously without much success. Sho took a few steps closer, startling the two of them. After a short glance, his eyes shining, Nino turned away again quickly.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba said, not really surprised but still a bit huffy.
“May I take over?” the older asked gently and Aiba just nodded after patting Nino’s shoulder a last time, and looking at Sho earnestly before he left the room without another word.
Nino tried to ignore Sho but of course, he couldn’t. He turned away from him as much as possible, sniffed again and rubbed his eyes, most likely to dry some tears. He was so cute, Sho thought at that moment.
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to check on the crybaby,” Sho answered, still not getting any closer to the other, who was facing the low table in front of him.
“Watch what you say, I could punch you, you know?” Nino answered in a serious tone.
Sho turned to face him, his look still serious, and when Nino looked at him in confusion, his puffy eyes desperate and his cheeks reddened from crying, Sho couldn’t hold back any longer. He leaned forward, grabbed Nino to turn him around, opening his arms and before Nino realized what was happening, Sho was hugging him tightly. The younger froze, his last sob drowned and he was holding his breath. Sho could feel Nino’s heart beating against his own chest. Fast. Hard. He pressed Nino closer, burying his nose in Nino’s soft, black hair. He breathed in Nino’s scent, a scent that he had missed badly and slowly, he closed his eyes.
“Nino, please, listen to me,” Sho started, his lips almost touching Nino’s ears. “I’m so sorry for everything, really. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Leave me alone, Sho,” Nino whined and tried to free himself from Sho’s hug but he was too weak and Sho just tightened the embrace to press him closer to his chest.
“No, I’ll never leave you alone from now on,” the taller whispered.
“Sho, you actually suspected me of being a whore just a few minutes ago and now... what's this, are you kidding me?!”
“I apologize, I didn't mean what I said, I'm an idiot, OK? And now, you come with me. You really do look horrible, that I really meant. I’ll take care of you, I'll take you home with me,” Sho sounded determined. “I postponed our interviews via phone, so don’t worry about that. I’ll get you something to eat and you’ll sleep. And when you wake up again, we will talk. Properly.”
*****
Nino didn't have the guts or even the will to oppose Sho any longer and so he just let Sho drag him by his hand out of the room, through the corridors and out of the building. Sho had already called his manager who was still hanging around, to drive them back home. Sho told him that Nino wasn't feeling good and he would bring him to his apartment, which was closer than Nino's. The man didn't ask any further questions when he saw how crashed Nino looked and just drove them to Sho's place.
Nino didn't look at Sho during the ride, staring at his own knees for the whole time. His heart was still racing like crazy. He felt ashamed. He wondered, if Sho planned to comfort him or if he would just scold Nino and tell him how disappointed he was in him. Nino knew that lately he wasn't in his best form, he had behaved like an idiot multiple times and he hated himself for that. And using his disappointment in Sho's behavior as an excuse for all this was really pathetic. He knew that it was his own fault that he couldn't handle the situation better.
Sho helped Nino up the stairs to his apartment as Nino's knees felt awfully weak, most likely not only because of the lack of sleep and food but also from the nervousness that was building up inside him.
“You should take some rest first,” Sho suggested once they were inside his home and Nino dropped onto the couch immediately.
He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and a sleeping pill that he offered to Nino in case he needed it to calm down. The latter thought that it couldn't make things worse and thankfully took both just to find himself dozing off just a few minutes later. He was already half asleep when Sho helped him up and guided him into his bedroom. He helped Nino to get out of his socks and trousers so that he could lay down a bit more comfortably. The other just murmured his thanks before letting his head drop onto Sho's comfy pillow, and got carried away into the land of sleep.
When Nino woke up again after a deep, dreamless sleep, he felt something heavy lying on his waist and something warm against his back, against his neck. Nino's heart jolted for a moment and he almost didn't dare to move. Sho was lying behind him, slightly hugging him and seemed to have fallen asleep too. A look at Sho's alarm clock on the night stand next to a small lamp raditating warm light, showed Nino that it was already long past midnight. How many hours had passed since he had fallen asleep? It must be at least ten - twelve hours... Eventually, he pulled his courage together and turned around in the embrace of the older man, carefully.
The light from the small lamp on the night stand lit the room in a drowsy, comfortable atmosphere and it was bright enough so that Nino could see the soft face of Sho as the other was sleeping calmly right by his side. He could smell Sho’s unique odor, a scent that he had missed so much lately. Right at this moment, Nino's heart just overflowed with the love he felt for this man. He held his breath for a moment and couldn't resist lifting his hand and brushing it carefully over Sho's cheek...
“You're awake?” Sho asked suddenly with his husky sleeping voice.
Nino cringed and moved back a little in surprise but Sho reached to gently touch Nino's hand and keep it in place.
“How do you feel?”
“Uhm... better. You... you let me sleep in the same bed with you?” Nino asked carefully.
“Do you remember? It's like in our old days, isn't it? When we had our first tours and shared a hotel room... We were insecure and scared, wondering if we could make it and if the fans would like what we did. I remember how much of a coward you were back then. We talked for hours, sharing one bed so that we could whisper and not wake up the others who were next door, and then we fell asleep just like that,” Sho whispered, his eyes still closed. Could he picture this memory as lively as Nino could right now?
“Of course I remember,” Nino whispered back, his hand getting excitingly warm from the contact with Sho's skin.
Sho finally opened his eyes, looking at Nino straightforwardly. “You know, when I imagine you sharing your bed with someone else, I get really jealous,” he said earnestly.
“You do?” Nino asked.
“I don't want you to even think about sharing your bed with others... You should only sleep with someone you truly love.”
“So is it OK if I sleep with you, Sho?” Nino asked in a whisper, picking up the obvious ambiguity in Sho’s sentence.
Sho didn’t avert his gaze. “Is it true that you love me?”
Nino hesitated for a moment. It was a huge thing to admit and he still wasn't sure how Sho would react onto it, even though a little bit of hope had at least started to sprout in his heart. “...I do.”
“Since when?” Sho asked gently, caressing Nino's hand with his fingers.
“I – I don't know exactly... maybe since a long time ago...,” the younger blushed deeply, remembering their first kiss.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“Because first I didn't realize and then... I thought it was too late, I thought... you hate me,” Nino said, his voice cracking as he was trying hard to hold back some tears.
“Nino, I could never hate you, believe me!” Sho answered tenderly and then he said something that Nino could only have dreamed of. “I love you too.”
“Are you making fun of me?” the younger chuckled, shaking slightly.
“I'm not. I swear,” Sho pressed Nino's hand a bit firmer.
“I don't get you. You know, you didn't particularly act as if you love me,” Nino argued in dispute with his heart, which started to warm up and feel happy, even if his head was telling him that what was happening right now couldn't be possibly true. “Why did you reject me that evening then?”
“I'm really sorry for that but... I thought that wasn't you. You were drunk, I was confused what you were aiming for. I thought you just wanted me to... You know after those rumors that I heard, I couldn't believe that your action was one of love. I didn't feel confident and I felt like a jerk because we became so... estranged, somehow.”
“You know that those rumors aren't true, right?”
“I know that, sorry for doubting you,” Sho apologized again.
“I only kissed Ryo once... I was drunk and everything I could think about during that kiss,” Nino pulled in some air before he continued in a whisper. “Was you.”
Sho looked at him, his heartbeat speeding up.
“Will you stop it? Distancing yourself from us? From me?” Nino then asked, a sense of pleading in his voice.
“If you promise me to give me back my old Nino?”
“I will,” the younger nodded, biting his lower lip.
“Then I will stop behaving like a jerk. I just realized that it's stupid and meaningless anyway and it created such chaos...,” Sho sighed.
“You did! It's all your fault!” Nino poked Sho's cheek teasingly to show him his displeasure.
“I know, I know. I'll never do something like that again. Really.”
“Promise?”
Sho smiled. “Promise.”
“Can you kiss me now, please? I'm not sure how long my heart can stand this,” Nino whispered, looking deeply into Sho's eyes, his whole body trembling slightly from the tension between them.
“Come here,” Sho smiled and leaned forward a little to place a kiss onto the tip of Nino's nose who then looked at the other puzzled. Sho chuckled. “If you want more, you'll have to take a shower and brush your teeth first.”
“I don't know if you're mean or pervy right now.”
“Maybe both?”
Nino smiled and it took him a few seconds, but they got up and Nino followed Sho into the bathroom where he received a new toothbrush. They brushed their teeth together like during their junior days when they attended diverse training camps. Sho then handed Nino a fresh towel and left the room so that Nino could get rid of his clothes to enjoy a quick – since he couldn't wait to be back in Sho's arms – shower. He didn't count on Sho, who surprised him just a few minutes later, opening the door to the shower and stepping inside – naked – just to slide his warm hands around Nino's slim waist from behind, joining his fingers in front of the other's belly. He pressed himself closer, causing Nino to blush under the warm water and trembled slightly. Sho's touch felt like electricity running through his body. He leaned forward, dropping his head onto Nino's shoulder, kissing it.
“Sho, what are you doing?” the younger asked in a low voice, his eyes closed, partly not to get water in his eyes, partly because the sensation of feeling Sho's lips ghosting over his skin almost drove him crazy. He dared letting his head fall back, resting against Sho's strong chest.
“I thought, it's unfair if I send only you to take a shower,” Sho whispered against Nino's ear before letting his lips caress the sensitive spot right behind Nino's ear.
The younger finally turned around in the embrace, he needed to see the other. The warm water kept running over his back, drenching his hair completely. He looked up to Sho, his face and the tips of his hair already wet and right this moment, it was like he fell again for this man. His eyes were filled with so many different feelings, curiosity, regret, nervousness but also – and that was far more important – they were filled with love, hope and desire. Nino reached up with his hands, cupping Sho's wet face. He stroke his cheeks, let his fingers dance over his nose, his plum lips. The dripping sound of the water in his ears and the warm cosy feeling, standing here in front of the man he loved, touching him while he felt the other's hands on his hips, it truly felt like a dream.
“Sho?” Nino asked in an almost whispering voice.
“Yes?”
“I'm sorry too,” Nino began. “I said some pretty harsh words.”
“Everything's forgotten now, Nino. We can start over again, right?” Sho caressed Nino's cheek.
“That's all I wish for. Tell me, is this real?” Nino whispered, not sure if Sho could even hear it.
Sho must have heard it though because after looking at Nino for another second, he leaned forward, slowly, closing his eyes while his hands slipped to the small of Nino's back and he finally sealed their lips in a kiss.
It was a really wet kiss and it tasted like peppermint toothpaste but they didn't mind. Nino moaned silently when Sho's tongue carefully begged for entrance. Nino just willingly parted his lips enough to allow Sho to deepen their kiss. He could feel Sho's hand sliding up his back, spreading the shower gel before burying his fingers in the wet hair at the back of his head, pressing him slightly closer. Their tongues danced around each other, wakening their desire for each other further. Nino could feel it. Feeling it between them, he might have been ashamed if it wasn't that exciting, if it wasn't what he had longed and wished for.
He brushed a strand of wet hair out of Sho's face, and when they broke their kiss, Nino opened his eyes again.
“Need more proof?” Sho asked smirking, leaning closer again, covering Nino's neck with kisses.
“We – we should move... maybe,” Nino suggested a bit shyly, feeling his cheeks brushing.
They finished showering in record time and after Sho reached behind Nino to turn of the water, the taller fished for Nino’s towel to wrap the younger with it, rubbing him dry. Nino giggled when he was dry and Sho still dripped from water, some cold drops landing on Nino's skin, tickling him. He let the towel wrapped around his waist and went searching for another one to repay the favor to Sho, who grinned happily at this gesture.
They shared more kisses, loving ones, cute ones, much closer to their first ever kiss from teenage years than what they had shared in that toilet cubicle a few days ago, and it was good. So good. They didn't bother to put their clothes back on and Sho took Nino's hand to pull him back into the bedroom, making him lose balance as he turned him to lay him onto the soft bed sheets. His own towel still in place, Sho crawled over the other, lowering his body to cover Nino fully with his weight but the younger didn't complain. Sho let his hands wander over Nino's body, brushing his fingers over his cheeks, tickling the sensitive ears, making him shiver as he drew the contours of his slim body, finally letting his lips follow the traces of his fingers.
“You need a breakfast,” Sho said as he kissed Nino's flat stomach, caressing his navel with the tip of his tongue.
“You're my breakfast,” Nino answered cheekily, his fingers playing with Sho's hair.
“Let's hope I can satisfy your hunger.” Sho came back to Nino's face, pecking his lips when Nino cupped his face and pulled him into another deep, passionate kiss.
“I'm sure, you will.”
Nino felt Sho's smirk against his lips before the older trailed down again, finally allowing his fingers to slip under the edge of Nino's towel to loosen it. The younger giggled at the tickling feeling of Sho's fingertips ghosting over his skin, wandering deeper and a pleasant shiver ran over him as Sho gently kissed his lower belly.
After a real breakfast about an hour later, Nino and Sho immediately went back to bed where they spent the rest of the day together, cuddling, kissing, talking, doing not-so-innocent stuff, and even more talking while listening to soft music in the background. The sun was setting again and Nino witnessed the slowly wandering shadows on the wall opposite Sho's bed, drawn there by the fabric of his curtains. The room was flooded with a warm light which slowly darkened, dipping them into an even more romantic atmosphere. Nino's heart clenched, but it was a reaction to the endless happiness that was flooding his body right now, giving him goose bumps. He cuddled closer to Sho who had settled his arm around Nino's shoulder, drawing small patterns on his arm while dozing off a little. He pulled him closer.
“Are you cold?” Sho asked gently.
Nino shook his head, turning in Sho's embrace so that he could face the other. “I was just thinking.”
“About something spooky?” Sho chuckled and Nino pinched his cheeks.
“No, nothing spooky. I just...,” Nino settled a gentle look on Sho, letting his fingers brush carefully over the skin he had just pinched. “I just thought that I probably was never happier than right now being here with you.”
Sho put his hand in the nape of Nino's neck, pulling him down a little for a kiss.
“Don’t you dare leave me ever again,” Nino whispered after the kiss, his eyes still closed. “I swear, I’ll kill you!”
“I won’t.”
And Sho sealed the deal with another kiss. One of many which would follow, that was for sure.
*****
In September 2014, Arashi was given the chance to celebrate their 15th anniversary and to look back on their common past all together in their birth place, Hawaii. Sho considered himself as really lucky for this opportunity. The time he spent there with the other members of Arashi was something that he really enjoyed and it would be something that he would treasure forever. Despite all of them having gone through for better and for worse phases in their lives, having to deal with struggles as individuals and as a group, they had grown up together and had grown together as the group they were. And being here together to celebrate brought them even closer, tightened their bond and their will to keep on with what they were doing, as long as it might be possible.
Sho had more or less poured his heart out when it was his turn to get interviewed for the Hawaii documentary that the group had decided to share on the upcoming release of their anniversary concert. It was the most natural thing to do, despite them restraining from sharing bonus material over the last few years, and not really considering such stuff as necessary any longer. However, as a present to their long-term fans, it was the slightest they could offer as a thank you in return. Knowing that their fans were dying to see something like this, Sho didn't mind it any longer.
Of course, Sho had also mentioned what had bugged him for years, the whole “friendship” thing, even if he just dropped a few lines about it. At least it had been part of their history too, not one he was particularly proud of but in the end it had been necessary to bring them to the point they shared right now. And it had been necessary for him and Nino to finally find each other and that alone was reason enough to cherish it.
The thing had really bugged Sho, more than it would have been necessary, he knew that now. It had caused him to create uncertainties among the group, it had caused him to hurt the most important people in his life but at the same time it had strengthened the bond that he shared with Arashi as well as with Nino in particular because they had overcome this crisis together. It had enforced their good relationship and made them even stronger than before and it had showed him that it didn’t matter how people outside of their inner circle saw them, or if they thought they got along well or not. No, it just didn’t matter what Arashi was particularly loved for. All that mattered was that they were happy with what they achieved and that they were happy working together. Being together. Getting along.
When the cameras were finally gone, dusk was falling over the place already, drowning the chilly place of their holiday bungalow in orange. Sho stretched his tired limbs and went into the kitchen, searching the fridge for something to snack. He smiled when he heard Jun and Ohno's voices from outside, the two of them had most likely settled on the balcony to Ohno's room upstairs again, sharing some drinks, like they had used to during the last few days. Aiba was likely tired from swimming and other exercise that Sho couldn't even imagine doing in the heat of those late summer days. He heard some shuffling footsteps, stopping behind him, and Sho's smile got even wider.
He felt Nino's small hands hugging him from behind, felt the smaller man's forehead leaning against his back. He quickly grabbed two cans of beer and a bowl of strawberries, putting them aside, closing the fridge and turned around to face his boyfriend.
“Hey, honey,” Nino said, his lips adorned by a cute smile.
“Hey, sweetie,” Sho answered, leaning forward to peck those adorable lips. And to peck them again and again until it grew into a passionate kiss.
Then, Sho turned around, took the bowl with strawberries to place them in Nino's hands, taking the two cans of beer and showing the younger to follow him outside. Nino followed him immediately, his shuffling footsteps could be heard through the room again until he set his feet outside onto the juicy, green grass. The two went further, side by side, passing the slender but ridiculously deep swimming pool and the tall palm trees until they arrived at the row of five wooden chairs that had been arranged there for Arashi to sit and enjoy the view of the sky kissing the sea. The calming sound of the water washing away the sand gently with each wave and the still warm air despite the fact that night was already approaching, created a romantic atmosphere. It wasn't dark yet but slowly the lights of some lanterns hanging outside at the bungalows in the neighborhood started to lit up, preparing to compete with the stars up in the night sky, which were about to show up. Nino might have found it cheesy if it wasn't that he was experiencing this together with the one he was so in love with.
Sho settled down on the one in the middle, putting the beer cans onto a small table right next to him and then he waved at Nino to join him, making as much space on the same chair as possible so that they could share one.
Nino smiled at Sho and Sho smiled back warmly. Nino was still holding the bowl filled with strawberries, the sweet scent of the fruits mixing with the typical, slightly salty smell of the beach.
“You said some interesting things back there in that interview, Sho-chan,” Nino suddenly said. He took a strawberry out of the bowl and pushed it between Sho's beautiful lips.
“You've been listening?” the older asked after he finished eating. He reached his hand to Nino's neck, caressing the short hair playfully. “Those strawberries taste really good, try some too!”
“I was taking a nap in the living room at first but when I woke up and went outside I heard you talking and stopped by to listen,” Nino said before Sho fed him a small strawberry and he blushed.
“I didn't see you,” Sho wondered.
“Well, you were so focused onto the interview, no wonder you didn't realize I was there.”
“Do you think I said too much?” the older immediately frowned. “I got a bit carried away.... all this anniversary stuff, the mood, it's making me more emotional than I thought it would.”
Nino smiled. “I get what you mean. But don't worry, it was fine. I just think that you will make lots of fans wonder and speculate over Arashi's true bonds again and again...”
“The getting along thing?”
“Exactly that.”
“I think… I couldn’t explain more or I might tell the whole story of how long it took you and me to get together, before I knew what I was doing,” Sho smirked, caressing his boyfriend's cheek.
“So you thought it’s better to let the fans think for themselves?” Nino chuckled.
Sho slightly shrugged his shoulders. “Somehow, yes.”
“They will crack their lovely heads and speculate a lot about your statement regarding Arashi’s internal relationships, I’m sure about this.”
“Well, as long as they don't suspect us two being togeth-”
“Oh, I think they do,” Nino interrupted his lover, earning a puzzled look. “At least some of them. I heard there's a pretty bunch of fanfictions dealing with the topic of our relationship out there and I guess the inspiration doesn't come from nowhere...”
Sho's eyes widened and his lips curled up, showing his cute teeth. “Don't tell me you read one of those...”
“I didn't but Jun mentioned that he stumbled over some of those when he was doing his regular
Arashi check on Google,” Nino fished for another strawberry to feed to Sho.
“I'm sure, sometimes he finds stuff that he wished he never saw,” Sho assumed.
“Oh, I think he was pretty amused,” Nino retorted chuckling. “He told me that if our sex life should ever get boring, he could send me a mail with some “inspiring material” like he called it.”
“I think that won't be necessary,” Sho smirked.
He reached to take the bowl out of Nino's hands, placing it next to the beer cans on the table. Then he settled his hand on Nino's hip, shuffled a bit while pulling the other to lay on top of him, making it a bit more comfortable for both of them.
“I hoped you would say that,” Nino gave him a seductive look, his lips curling up as he smiled cheekily. He let his finger draw some random lines on the fabric of Sho's shirt.
“Come here, my little brat!” Sho couldn't resist any longer and hugged the other closer, brushing his nose against Nino's earlobe and started to kiss his sensitive neck lovingly, causing him to chuckle.
Nino freed himself from Sho's attack, just so that he could face and kiss him properly. He leaned in, slowly closing his eyes until he felt those familiar warm and plump lips caressing his own. He moaned happily. Sho's fingers at the small of his back slipped underneath Nino's shirt and started to caress the warm skin, tickling it lovingly and Nino giggled.
“Is your injury good again?” Sho asked, referring to Nino’s hurt back from during the concert, wanting to confirm that his boyfriend really felt better, just as he had told him at least ten times already today. But this time, his questioning wasn't only to show his concern, it was also to confirm that what he had planned would not affect his boyfriend in any way.
“Good enough for whatever you’re up to do with me,” Nino smirked, leaning down to kiss the exposed skin at Sho's neck after he had started to undress him.
“Be quiet Nino, you hear me?”
“I can't promise...,” Nino whispered.
THE END
gurajiorasuFrom:
sky_fish7Part 1
*****
Things had changed. Nino had changed. And Sho seriously worried about Nino.
Of course, Sho did hear about Nino’s alcohol escapades once in a while since his friends had their ears and lips everywhere and he even heard that about Nino and that guy, a supposed friend of Nishikido Ryo. And it bothered him. Well, it wasn't that Sho actually believed that Nino was the slut he became rumored to be but most likely, he really was with a guy. And probably even had sex with him. Not that Sho cared. Fuck that, Sho did care! He always cared about Nino and since Nino was behaving so strange, the urge of taking care of him was even stronger than ever before. Just that things had changed and Sho somehow couldn't approach Nino that easily any longer. It was like a huge thick transparent wall had suddenly appeared between them. Sho knew now that it was him who set the first stones for it but he also knew that it was Nino who continued his work, more accurate than Sho ever wanted it to be.
The whole thing bugged Sho more than he thought it would. More than once he had played with the thought of contacting Nino and talking to him about everything but what right did he have?
Nino had grown up now, far from the small boy who had once kissed him in innocent curiosity. His love life had nothing to do with Sho, and was nothing that the older should be concerned about. And that one time Nino had told him that Sho had basically lost his right to barge into his private life anyway. Sho had taken it as a blow and since then, he hadn’t dared to come too close to his band mate again. He also didn’t really have the chance to talk to the others about Nino because he felt like this would betray Nino's demands and make Sho look like a silly, curious person that wasn’t able to respect others’ boundaries. And how strange would that look when in the beginning he had been the one distancing himself from the others, redefining their boundaries?
In the meantime, he had proven his theory, that Arashi without showing too much of their off-camera behavior towards each other, was still successful. Their sales were stable, their fans still loved them and everything seemed fine. Maybe, at some point, Sho would have just gone back to his former self and start interacting more with his fellow group members again. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss hanging out with them at backstage, to chat with them, to laugh at Nino’s jokes in the green room or to go get some drinks together with them after work from time to time, but somehow, things had just changed.
Except his relationship with Jun maybe, which didn’t really change since they had not been that close in private before and more or less had work as their only common point. So things with Jun were fine according to Sho’s definition. But his relationship with the other members had definitely changed for the worse. Aiba had stopped inviting Sho for a beer, Ohno was never the type to invite him anyway but Sho somehow didn’t feel comfortable anymore to ask the other himself, like he used to do before. And Nino… things with Nino had become completely different somehow. Nino had stopped being cheerful and funny in the green room, he had stopped calling and messaging Sho like he used to do earlier, and somehow he had developed a more abrasive attitude towards Sho than one friendly co-workers would share. Sho couldn't say that he actually liked how things were going between them lately.
“By the way, Sho, what is going on with Ninomiya lately?” Shige asked his friend as he handed him a glass of whiskey and settled down on a cushion in front of him at the other side of the low table in his living room.
Sho sighed, taking the glass and swirling it in his hand, looking at the streaks that the alcohol left behind on the glass. Shige had invited him over, had wanted to talk with Sho about his manuscript again and get some advice, but of course they had ended up drinking a bit and talking a bit about whatever that came to their mind. Sho lifted the glass and took a sip of the alcohol, wetting his lips with the slightly sweet taste of Shige's mild Aberlour.
“You know, I heard things, rumors... it seems the agency doesn't let get anything inappropriate outside but... is it true that he lets men pay for his drinks and then... goes home with them, if you know what I mean?”
Sho put down his glass again, maybe with a little more force than he had intended, making Shige look at him, startled.
“Sho? Everything's alright?”
“Let's not talk about Nino please,” the older said calmly, taking another sip.
Shige hummed and after a few minutes of silence, he asked frankly, “Are you angry at him?”
“Why should I?!” Sho suddenly exploded. “If he wants to meet some guys and make them pay for his drinks, what's so unusual about it? He gets treated by everyone anyway, this has nothing to do with prostitution or whatever people think they want to call it. I often paid for his drinks, that's what friends do from time to time. He thanked me properly and that's it. And if he now goes home with them afterwards, doing what-do-I-know, it has nothing to do with who paid for his damned drinks! If he wants to have sex with someone, it's his decision. He's an adult, damned it!”
“Seriously, Sho, why are you so angry suddenly?” Shige asked shocked.
“I'm not angry!” Sho yelled.
“What would you call it then?”
“I said, I'm not angry!”
“All right, all right, calm down,” Shige answered in a low voice, smiling and trying to loosen the tension in the air. He chuckled and took another sip of his glass. “Man, if I didn't know it better, I'd say, you're jealous because he never went home with you after you paid for his drinks.”
Damned. Sho gulped down the rest of content of his glass, trying to hide his blush but it was already too late, Shige must have noticed anyway.
“No way... you're kidding me,” the younger said. “You actually are jealous, aren't you?”
It took Shige quite a while and at least 3 glasses more of his Aberlour to finally make the older talk. Sho had never told anyone about what had happened between him and Arashi, between him and Nino, why they weren't exactly on “good terms” lately. But in the end, even he told Shige about the one evening when he had seen Nino and Aiba kissing each other at this very same restaurant, just a few booths away from where he had been holding a gathering with his friends and how shocked he was.
Sho had started to realize and to regret. He heard of Nino's escapades and those feelings had started to grow inside of Sho. The feelings showed him that he wasn’t only worried for his co-worker and friend. No, Shige was right, he was deeply jealous of those guys who spent their time with Nino now, possibly much closer to him than Sho had ever been. He remembered their teenage kiss and he got angry. He wished back for that innocent boy who had kissed him. He wanted to be the one paying for Nino's drinks.
He regretted that things had to come that far, that he had to distance himself from Arashi first to finally realize how much they, and especially Nino, meant to him. And maybe, it was too late now to admit his mistake and to go back to things like they used to be.
Sho wasn't sure if it was the nth glass of whiskey or something else, but he wanted to throw up.
*****
“Seriously, Nino, you should order water next,” Ohno suggested to his friend and snatched away the half empty glass of beer to finish it himself. He was still sober, compared to the other.
“Don’t steal my beer, Oh-chan!” the younger protested and immediately turned to his left, tugging Aiba at his sleeves. “Maa-chan, Oh-chan stole my beer! Do something!”
Aiba just patted his friend’s hair and offered to feed him a piece of yakiniku instead. The three guys had decided to go out eating after dance practice to celebrate the release of their new single. Jun and Sho had checked themselves out, Jun had to get up early for filming the following day and Sho had – not really surprisingly – other plans already. But that didn’t keep the other three members of Arashi from celebrating.
“I’m going to the toilet,” Nino then murmured and got up a bit tipsily, excusing himself.
“Take care,” Aiba yelled after him.
When Nino had exited the private booth that he shared with his friends and slowly walked along the corridor, he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him.
“Ninomiya-kun, hey!”
When Nino turned around, almost tripping over his feet, he spotted – this yellow shock of hair was unmistakable - Tegoshi Yuya. The younger rushed towards his senior and let his arm slip around Nino’s waist to prevent the other from falling.
“Hey~,” Nino answered smiling, not complaining as Tegoshi pulled one of Nino's arms over his shoulders. “Long time no see. Everything’s going fine?”
“Perfect, thanks for asking,” the bunch of smiles answered, cheerful like always. “What about you, Senpai?”
“You know… things happen…,” Nino mumbled.
“Yeah, I heard,” Tegoshi smirked, eying his senior knowingly. “Talking about that, what do you think about the possibility of something happening between you and me tonight? Of course I'll pay for your beer.”
Nino just chuckling shortly at this attempted fake flirt – side blow included. It wasn’t the first time that a fellow Johnny mocked him, since that rumor Ryo had spread. He had hoped that people would forget quickly but somehow, this rumor had turned into a running gag. However, Nino knew how to deal with gags.
“I’m sorry, Tegonyan, you know, blonde isn’t exactly my type,” Nino joked back in a sing-song voice.
“Ah is that so… well, can’t be helped then, right?” the younger laughed, obviously not minding the rebuff. Most likely, he really had just been joking. “Want to go to the toilet too? Need some help?”
“Only with walking!” Nino made clear, pinching Tegoshi's cheek with his index finger.
“Certainly.”
When the two of them swung the door to the toilet open, the room was empty, except of one person. Nino froze at the unexpected sight of someone he knew.
*****
“Nino?” Sho wasn't less surprised to find the other there.
“Oh look who's here, Tegonyan, it's Sho-kun. Say hello to Sho-kun,” Nino chuckled obviously, after finding his composure – if someone could call his condition like that – again.
“Good evening, Sakurai-kun,” Tegoshi greeted his senpai appropriately and Sho nodded his head to answer the greeting.
“What a coincidence,” Nino continued. “I thought, you had other plans instead of celebrating with us?”
“I had an appointment scheduled with a friend here. I didn't know you were coming here, didn't Ohno want to try a new ramen place or something? ”
“Aibashi said if it's celebrating it has to be yakiniku, so Oh-chan gave in,” Nino answered, gesturing with his free arm, the other still around Tegoshi's neck. The younger seemed to have obvious trouble standing straight with Nino swinging dangerously.
Sho just looked at his band mate for a moment before he averted his eyes again, murmuring, “Aren't you getting a bit too drunk again, Nino? You should take care.”
“Why does it concern you?”
Sho didn't answer and continued focusing on washing his hands properly. Nino then freed himself from Tegoshi's support and stumbled against Sho's side, pushing him away from the water basin. Surprised, Sho looked at him, the younger glared at him, challenging.
“So? Why does it concern you?”
“Cut it out Nino,” Sho just answered in a cold tone while he quickly dried his hands at the side of his trousers. He didn't feel like arguing with the other. “I won't say anything more, if you want to get drunk and get fucked by your junior, go ahead.”
“Uhm... I think I should leave now,” Tegoshi said with a hint of embarrassment and slipped out of the toilet, leaving them alone.
What a coward, Sho thought, rolling his eyes.
“What's this, Sho,” Nino smirked. He got closer, putting his hands onto Sho's torso and leaned closer so that he could whisper into the other's ear. “Jealous? You want to do it with me too?”
Sho looked at the younger shocked but he couldn't deny that his heart had started to race. He felt caught. He cleared his throat and chuckled slightly. “Stop joking, Nino. What are you talking about?”
Nino then buried his head against Sho's chest so that the other couldn't see his facial expression but only a bunch of black hair as the younger murmured, “I wouldn't mind doing it with Sho-chan.”
He must be kidding. The alcohol was definitely not doing Nino any good, it must have turned him completely lunatic, Sho thought. He should better bring him back to the others quickly. “Nino, come on, I'll bring you back to Aiba and Ohno,” he suggested gently, putting his hands onto Nino's shoulders in order to make him turn around.
But Nino seemed to have other plans as he suddenly started guiding Sho towards one of the cubicles, pushing him inside, pulling the door close behind them. He turned towards Sho, leaning heavily close so that Sho was slammed against the wall of the cubicle, surprised and confused about Nino's sudden action. The younger looked up to Sho, showing him a look in his eyes that Sho wasn't able to read, before closing his eyes and leaning in to press his lips against Sho's.
Just after a second, Nino tried deepening the kiss, moving his lips against Sho's, parting them slightly, his alcoholic breath covering Sho's mouth. He let his hands wander over Sho's body, up to his shirt's collar. He started opening the first few buttons, letting his fingers slide under the light fabric, caressing the skin of Sho's neck, his collarbones. Nino pressed his body closer.
First, Sho was simply shocked but then, a mixture of feelings exploded in his chest and the man suddenly seemed unable to handle the situation. He didn't know what was stronger. The confusion over Nino's action? The urge of pulling him even closer to deepen their kiss? This wonderful feeling of Nino's warm lips on his, one that he – he had to admit after all – wished to feel again after so many years, not just once only? Or maybe... this small but persistent feeling of disgust, of being used by Nino, being used like how a bunch of other people had been used already, just as Nino had probably intended to use Tegoshi tonight, for example.
Eventually, Sho pushed the other back, slightly, resting his hands on Nino's shoulders for a moment. His breath was hitching and he still felt the ghost of Nino's warm, wet lips on his mouth. But this had nothing to do with the sweet kiss from their teenage days, had nothing to do with what he had been longing for. This hadn't been sweet at all, it had been harsh and filled with roughness.
Sho couldn't deny it any longer, he wanted Nino. But he didn't want this Nino, a drunken twink who seemed to be fine with getting laid by whoever was willing to do so. He wanted Nino as he used to be, nice, funny, shy. The Nino that – even if this insight had maybe come to him too late– he cherished, loved... and maybe had thought of too much of, as a matter of fact. Just because Sho intended to keep on with Arashi forever, it didn't mean that Arashi's members would still stay the very same individuals they had been. Sho had changed. Nino had changed even more. Maybe both developments hadn't been to any good and maybe, it was eventually time to fix things... if they still could be fixed.
*****
“Nino, stop that! I don't recognize you anymore. What you're doing here is disgusting, offering yourself to someone just like that... You're drinking too much lately, seriously. Pull yourself together,” Sho finally whispered the harsh words, averting Nino's eyes as he buttoned up his shirt's collar again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, taking a small bundle of bills and pushing it into the other's hands. “Take a taxi and go home for tonight, you have enough, I think.”
With that, Sho finally turned around, pushing the door open, and sliding out of the small cubicle as fast as he could. Then, he was gone.
Nino was still staring at the closed door, trying to process what had just happened. When he finally realized the slightly crumbled money in his hand, he too felt disgusted by himself. He had overdone it, obviously, behaving like a drunken idiot and making use of those stupid rumors just to get close to Sho again. What did he expect? And how deep had he sunken if someone who wasn't even particularly his friend any longer was even willing to pay for his taxi fare just to get rid of him?
Nino crumbled the bills in his trembling hand and couldn't prevent his knees from giving in, letting himself drop back against the wall, slowly sliding down until he met the floor. A first sob escaped from his lips as he finally completely lost control over himself, letting all the emotions he had kept up for so long break free. Disappointment, fear, anger, sadness. Nino hugged his knees close, burying his face against them, wetting the fabric of his jeans with his tears.
If Aiba and Ohno hadn't found Nino collapsed sobbing in the cubicle, he might have spent the whole night there, crying until some of the restaurant’s staff members threw him out. Aiba took a taxi together with Nino, who of course didn’t use Sho’s money, and spent the night on Nino’s couch so that he could check on the other before he left for work the next morning. After a short night rest caused by the alcohol, Nino just laid in bed, his head spinning as his body was working hard to become sober again. He refused the breakfast Aiba made for him and so the older left it behind on the kitchen counter. Nino gave him the bills he had received from Sho the previous night, begging his friend to return them in his place. With that, Aiba left, with Nino promising half-heartedly that he would take care of himself properly.
After the fiasco in the restaurant, Nino hit rock bottom. He detested himself, he was angry at himself, ashamed of what he did and he feared more than ever, that he have lost Sho forever now. What had become of him? The other must at least hate him as much as Nino hated himself.
Nino didn’t sleep for almost three days, expect of a few short naps, kept busy with work or awake by his thoughts. He was relieved that for those days there was only solo work scheduled so that he could avoid Sho and the others for now. He didn’t pick up any calls from the others and just texted Aiba once so that they didn’t need to worry about him.
*****
When Nino arrived at work the other day, he looked awful. His eyes were red-shot, the huge dark circles around his eyes told stories of sleepless nights and he looked even paler and thinner than usual. Sho could only gape at him when he looked up from his newspaper, just like the rest of Arashi.
“Nino? Gosh, what happened, are you sick?” Jun asked, concerned, as the other let himself drop next to Ohno on the couch, his bag dropping to the floor.
“No, I just didn’t sleep well,” Nino murmured and immediately focused his eyes on the low table between them. He looked awfully tired.
Sho, who was sitting opposite him frowned. Worried, he lowered his newspaper and just when he parted his lips, it was Ohno who asked the question he was about to voice.
“Did you eat anything?” Ohno gave the younger a critical look.
“I’m not hungry.”
“That’s not an answer to my question, Nino.”
Nino just glared at Ohno without saying another word and the other fell silent.
“Nino, you can’t go on like this,” now it was Sho who spoke up. “You look horrible! Do you want to show yourself to the interviewer like this? If you’re not feeling well, you should call in sick. Don't you care about the impression we give to the media?”
Maybe, Sho should have chosen his words a bit more carefully, as he saw the annoyed look in Nino's eyes. He actually had wanted to say something else, something more concerned about Nino's health and not based on what impression he could make on some random reporter. This wasn't the important thing here. Nevertheless, Sho had taken over the duty of acting reasonable for the group, in order to make the concept of Arashi work, in order to protect their achievements. Climbing to the top itself had been a hard task for all of them, staying there was even harder, considering the fragile ground they were walking on. The higher you are, the more it hurts when you fall and if Sho had to be the one hurting his fellow band members with harsh words from time to time in order to keep them from falling, he would carry this burden.
It was just that Nino still didn't seem to see this hidden concern and so, the other finally exploded.
“Who are you to tell me what I should do or not? You play the big boss as if you are the only one concerned about Arashi and about what we’re doing,” Nino hissed, giving Sho a disgusted look. “Stop faking, Sho. In reality you just keep us as long as it’s profitable and you long stopped being part of us. You ask if I don't care about what impression we make? Cut it out, really! I don't feel well and nevertheless I'm coming to work because I care. Believe it or not, I'm taking this job as serious as you do!”
“It's alright Nino, we know that, calm down,” Aiba spoke up, trying to prevent the inevitable but it was too late.
“You care?” Sho chuckled, tossing away his newspaper, glaring at Nino. “If you do care, why is it that you keep on sleeping around like crazy, even letting people believe that you are getting paid for it, if it's bullshit?” Nino gaped at Sho, bewilderment covering his face but he couldn't react and before Sho knew what exactly was coming out from him, he kept on hurting the other, hurting himself too like this, piercing his own heart with the verbalization of his deepest fear. “If you cared, wouldn't you try to keep your reputation clean? Or... don't tell me that you can't do that because it's actually true?”
“Sho!” Jun chimed in with a harsh voice.
“I have enough of this,” Nino finally stood up, his voice was shaking badly and his eyes looked hurt. “Maybe Mr. Perfect Sakurai would prefer if I leave the group? Will that satisfy you?”
“Nino!!” Jun exclaimed, even more shocked than before, while Aiba slammed his hands in front of his mouth. Ohno slapped his own forehead and shook his head.
Sho stared at Nino, his heart feeling stabbed. This wasn't funny, damned. Not funny at all! “You - you want to quit Arashi?” he asked in a low voice, shocked.
Nino sighed heavily, brushing his hand over his face before he pulled in a deep breath and faced Sho again. “Of course I do not want to quit Arashi, idiot! I want it back the way it was before you came up with this great idea of stopping to be friends and just focusing on work and our talents and that whole shit. Maybe, for you “Arashi” is just a job but for me, it’s not only my job, it’s my life!”
“Nino, I never said anything about stopping to be friends,” Sho responded.
And then the dam was breached and tears spilled out of Nino's eyes as he continued yelling. “But that’s what you did! You stopped being our friend and you ruined everything with that!”
“What did I ruin, Nino? Arashi is still doing great, the sales, everything…”
“What you did ruin? Well… it’s your luck that all of us are professionals so we kept up Arashi’s success up to now, yes, but what you ruined was the true Arashi, our essence,” Nino spilled, “What we used to be – yeah, I mean backstage and in the green room and after work when we celebrated or whatever. Just because you were obsessed by the idea of not letting this show to the outside. You ruined things between us. And between you and me. Didn’t you even notice? You’ve always been so kind and then suddenly you were just… cold and I just can’t cope with this any longer… I don’t recognize you anymore, what did you do to my best friend?!” Nino yelled at him, despair making his voice trembled.
Sho’s heart cringed when he heard Nino spoke those words and a wave of compunction took over him. Nino had called him his best friend… Maybe, this was the first time that Sho realized that he meant that much to Nino. He knew that Nino liked him, that he was attached to him, at least since the day when the two of them found out they would be in a new group called “Arashi” and started worrying about their future together. And especially since they shot the dorama “Yamada Taro” together.
Around that time, they had become really close and he learned a lot about the other. He learned that Nino sometimes liked to get clingy to the people he liked because he often felt lonely. He learned that Nino was often too shy to voice his real thoughts and tended to warp them into jokes, especially when he was younger. He learned that Nino, even if he wasn’t the chatty type, could start endless conversations with people he was close to – people like Sho and the other Arashi members. He learned that Nino didn’t have that many friends, not the close type ones at least. He learned that Nino counted him as part of his “inner circle”, obviously… but he didn’t know that Nino considered him as his best friend. Well, had considered him as his best friend...
“I’m done with you,” Nino finally hissed, darting an empty look at Sho, piercing the other’s heart.
The older man could only stare at the door that slammed shut a second later, leaving the remaining Arashi members behind.
“I feared it would come to such a situation,” Ohno sighed.
“Well done, Sho,” Jun murmured ironically, crossing his arms in front of his chest while Aiba composed himself and announced that he would go and get the other back after he shot a disappointed look toward Sho.
“What?! You’re blaming only me for this mess?”
“Are you really that stupid? Why do you think, Nino became like that? Did you even listen to him?” Jun continued, obviously close to losing his temper.
“You hurt him, Sho,” Ohno stated calmly. “Maybe it wasn’t your intention but it’s a fact that with your behavior lately, you hurt him badly. It drove him to despair, didn't you notice the level of his alcohol consumption lately? To say it carefully, it's alarming sometimes. And now you insulted him so badly! I mean, you know him the best out of us, you should know that he doesn't do something like that for money, seriously. Gosh, Sho, he thought you were best friends! We all thought that. But did you ever treat him accordingly lately?”
“Maybe not but… didn’t you hear those stories about him?” Sho asked as if this was an excuse for his behavior.
“You mean his so-called one-night-stands?”
“So-called? If those weren’t one-night-stands, what would you call them?”
“Even if he had one-night-stands, why does it concern you?” Jun barged in.
Sho didn’t answer. He couldn’t just admit that he was deadly jealous in front of the others, could he?
“Sho, seriously, you don’t really believe that crap, do you?” Jun asked in disbelief.
“You mean, it’s not true?”
“Of course it’s not true. Nino isn’t a whore,” the younger replied firmly.
“But… the story Nishikido told?”
“You want to know what happened?” Ohno sighed. “Nino told me everything. He met Nishikido at a bar and got invited to his place. It seems they kissed when they were drinking together but Nino refused more, so he left Nishikido’s place, who then became angry and started spreading that ridiculous rumor. It’s a lie. I guess, he was just mad at Nino for rejecting him.”
Sho gulped. If this was true… “And the stories about those other men? And I saw him with Tegoshi at the yakiniku place recently, what was that?”
“I don’t know where those are coming from but I’m pretty sure those are rumors too,” Ohno explained. “Nino was with me and Aiba at the yakiniku place, maybe he just met Tegoshi there by chance. Is seeing them together enough for you to freak out?”
“But… but he and Aiba, they kissed on that day in the yakiniku restaurant, I saw them!” Sho kept on and surprisingly, Ohno seemed to know the truth behind this story too.
“Gosh, that old story? Wasn’t that years ago? Yes, they kissed because Nino was drunk and wanted to get comforted after you behaved like a jerk, but nothing more happened. He fell asleep at the restaurant, Aiba took him home, end of story.”
“And what about this? He kissed me out of the blue and asked me if I was jealous and wanted to do it with him too… what do you think he was referring to then?”
“Oh, that’s what happened? Gosh, did that idiot have to make things even more complicated?” Jun remarked silently.
“Well, he was obviously provoking you,” Ohno explained. “To see how you'd react, perhaps to see if you really thought he would do something like that. And now you even gave him the answer to that question verbally. Sho, you should know him better. You should have trusted him more.”
In that moment, hearing Ohno’s analysis of the situation and letting it sink in, Sho covered his mouth at the shocking realization. All of the sudden he felt guilty for having distrusted Nino so much, for more or less ignoring him. It was true, somehow Nino was his best friend. He always had a special place in his heart, maybe they didn’t talk about all of their deepest secrets but they used to share the same way of thinking and an unspoken mutual understanding, like soul mates. Sho missed that. He missed Nino and he knew that it was his own fault to have risked losing the most important person in his life.
Sho sank back onto the couch. He had really been too obsessed by the idea that he and Arashi could be successful without that “special bond” between them and the thought that he wanted them to shine not because of that but because they were good performers. He had been too selfish to see that he had actually hurt someone he loved badly with his behavior. Remembering Nino's hurt look, Sho suddenly feared that Nino might not come back.
“Do you know that he loves you?” Ohno asked suddenly, pulling Sho out of his thoughts.
“He… what?” Sho froze.
“He is in love with you, at least that’s what he told me. Admittedly, he was drunk then but I’m pretty sure that it was the truth since it just confirmed a long-term suspicion, anyway.”
Sho reached his fingers up to his lips again. If that was true, then maybe that kiss... the remark that Nino wouldn't mind doing it with Sho... Could he really be so blind?
“I think, that’s another reason, why he was even more hurt by what you did to us than the rest of us was,” Ohno voiced Sho’s assumption.
“You should go and apologize or he might hate you forever,” Jun agreed, still a bit grumpy, pushing Sho’s shoulder.
“I - I am so sorry guys, I really screwed up...”
“Don’t worry, Sho, it’s not too late to fix things. We know that you didn’t have bad intentions, you just… let’s say, your methods weren’t exactly good,” Ohno flashed him a warm smile and Sho couldn’t suppress the urge to jump up and hug the other man. “Now go and apologize to Nino, idiot.”
“Fix him, or I’ll kick both of you out of Arashi myself,” Jun threatened the other but his slightly smirking lips showed Sho that he was joking… hopefully.
*****
After searching through almost the whole floor, Sho entered the furthest room in the corridor, and finally found what he was searching for. He found Aiba and Nino sitting on one of the couches reserved for waiting artists. Aiba’s arm settled around Nino’s shoulder and Nino’s body shaking slightly. He could hear some small sobs and Aiba’s soft voice trying to cheer the younger up, obviously without much success. Sho took a few steps closer, startling the two of them. After a short glance, his eyes shining, Nino turned away again quickly.
“Sho-chan,” Aiba said, not really surprised but still a bit huffy.
“May I take over?” the older asked gently and Aiba just nodded after patting Nino’s shoulder a last time, and looking at Sho earnestly before he left the room without another word.
Nino tried to ignore Sho but of course, he couldn’t. He turned away from him as much as possible, sniffed again and rubbed his eyes, most likely to dry some tears. He was so cute, Sho thought at that moment.
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to check on the crybaby,” Sho answered, still not getting any closer to the other, who was facing the low table in front of him.
“Watch what you say, I could punch you, you know?” Nino answered in a serious tone.
Sho turned to face him, his look still serious, and when Nino looked at him in confusion, his puffy eyes desperate and his cheeks reddened from crying, Sho couldn’t hold back any longer. He leaned forward, grabbed Nino to turn him around, opening his arms and before Nino realized what was happening, Sho was hugging him tightly. The younger froze, his last sob drowned and he was holding his breath. Sho could feel Nino’s heart beating against his own chest. Fast. Hard. He pressed Nino closer, burying his nose in Nino’s soft, black hair. He breathed in Nino’s scent, a scent that he had missed badly and slowly, he closed his eyes.
“Nino, please, listen to me,” Sho started, his lips almost touching Nino’s ears. “I’m so sorry for everything, really. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Leave me alone, Sho,” Nino whined and tried to free himself from Sho’s hug but he was too weak and Sho just tightened the embrace to press him closer to his chest.
“No, I’ll never leave you alone from now on,” the taller whispered.
“Sho, you actually suspected me of being a whore just a few minutes ago and now... what's this, are you kidding me?!”
“I apologize, I didn't mean what I said, I'm an idiot, OK? And now, you come with me. You really do look horrible, that I really meant. I’ll take care of you, I'll take you home with me,” Sho sounded determined. “I postponed our interviews via phone, so don’t worry about that. I’ll get you something to eat and you’ll sleep. And when you wake up again, we will talk. Properly.”
*****
Nino didn't have the guts or even the will to oppose Sho any longer and so he just let Sho drag him by his hand out of the room, through the corridors and out of the building. Sho had already called his manager who was still hanging around, to drive them back home. Sho told him that Nino wasn't feeling good and he would bring him to his apartment, which was closer than Nino's. The man didn't ask any further questions when he saw how crashed Nino looked and just drove them to Sho's place.
Nino didn't look at Sho during the ride, staring at his own knees for the whole time. His heart was still racing like crazy. He felt ashamed. He wondered, if Sho planned to comfort him or if he would just scold Nino and tell him how disappointed he was in him. Nino knew that lately he wasn't in his best form, he had behaved like an idiot multiple times and he hated himself for that. And using his disappointment in Sho's behavior as an excuse for all this was really pathetic. He knew that it was his own fault that he couldn't handle the situation better.
Sho helped Nino up the stairs to his apartment as Nino's knees felt awfully weak, most likely not only because of the lack of sleep and food but also from the nervousness that was building up inside him.
“You should take some rest first,” Sho suggested once they were inside his home and Nino dropped onto the couch immediately.
He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water and a sleeping pill that he offered to Nino in case he needed it to calm down. The latter thought that it couldn't make things worse and thankfully took both just to find himself dozing off just a few minutes later. He was already half asleep when Sho helped him up and guided him into his bedroom. He helped Nino to get out of his socks and trousers so that he could lay down a bit more comfortably. The other just murmured his thanks before letting his head drop onto Sho's comfy pillow, and got carried away into the land of sleep.
When Nino woke up again after a deep, dreamless sleep, he felt something heavy lying on his waist and something warm against his back, against his neck. Nino's heart jolted for a moment and he almost didn't dare to move. Sho was lying behind him, slightly hugging him and seemed to have fallen asleep too. A look at Sho's alarm clock on the night stand next to a small lamp raditating warm light, showed Nino that it was already long past midnight. How many hours had passed since he had fallen asleep? It must be at least ten - twelve hours... Eventually, he pulled his courage together and turned around in the embrace of the older man, carefully.
The light from the small lamp on the night stand lit the room in a drowsy, comfortable atmosphere and it was bright enough so that Nino could see the soft face of Sho as the other was sleeping calmly right by his side. He could smell Sho’s unique odor, a scent that he had missed so much lately. Right at this moment, Nino's heart just overflowed with the love he felt for this man. He held his breath for a moment and couldn't resist lifting his hand and brushing it carefully over Sho's cheek...
“You're awake?” Sho asked suddenly with his husky sleeping voice.
Nino cringed and moved back a little in surprise but Sho reached to gently touch Nino's hand and keep it in place.
“How do you feel?”
“Uhm... better. You... you let me sleep in the same bed with you?” Nino asked carefully.
“Do you remember? It's like in our old days, isn't it? When we had our first tours and shared a hotel room... We were insecure and scared, wondering if we could make it and if the fans would like what we did. I remember how much of a coward you were back then. We talked for hours, sharing one bed so that we could whisper and not wake up the others who were next door, and then we fell asleep just like that,” Sho whispered, his eyes still closed. Could he picture this memory as lively as Nino could right now?
“Of course I remember,” Nino whispered back, his hand getting excitingly warm from the contact with Sho's skin.
Sho finally opened his eyes, looking at Nino straightforwardly. “You know, when I imagine you sharing your bed with someone else, I get really jealous,” he said earnestly.
“You do?” Nino asked.
“I don't want you to even think about sharing your bed with others... You should only sleep with someone you truly love.”
“So is it OK if I sleep with you, Sho?” Nino asked in a whisper, picking up the obvious ambiguity in Sho’s sentence.
Sho didn’t avert his gaze. “Is it true that you love me?”
Nino hesitated for a moment. It was a huge thing to admit and he still wasn't sure how Sho would react onto it, even though a little bit of hope had at least started to sprout in his heart. “...I do.”
“Since when?” Sho asked gently, caressing Nino's hand with his fingers.
“I – I don't know exactly... maybe since a long time ago...,” the younger blushed deeply, remembering their first kiss.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“Because first I didn't realize and then... I thought it was too late, I thought... you hate me,” Nino said, his voice cracking as he was trying hard to hold back some tears.
“Nino, I could never hate you, believe me!” Sho answered tenderly and then he said something that Nino could only have dreamed of. “I love you too.”
“Are you making fun of me?” the younger chuckled, shaking slightly.
“I'm not. I swear,” Sho pressed Nino's hand a bit firmer.
“I don't get you. You know, you didn't particularly act as if you love me,” Nino argued in dispute with his heart, which started to warm up and feel happy, even if his head was telling him that what was happening right now couldn't be possibly true. “Why did you reject me that evening then?”
“I'm really sorry for that but... I thought that wasn't you. You were drunk, I was confused what you were aiming for. I thought you just wanted me to... You know after those rumors that I heard, I couldn't believe that your action was one of love. I didn't feel confident and I felt like a jerk because we became so... estranged, somehow.”
“You know that those rumors aren't true, right?”
“I know that, sorry for doubting you,” Sho apologized again.
“I only kissed Ryo once... I was drunk and everything I could think about during that kiss,” Nino pulled in some air before he continued in a whisper. “Was you.”
Sho looked at him, his heartbeat speeding up.
“Will you stop it? Distancing yourself from us? From me?” Nino then asked, a sense of pleading in his voice.
“If you promise me to give me back my old Nino?”
“I will,” the younger nodded, biting his lower lip.
“Then I will stop behaving like a jerk. I just realized that it's stupid and meaningless anyway and it created such chaos...,” Sho sighed.
“You did! It's all your fault!” Nino poked Sho's cheek teasingly to show him his displeasure.
“I know, I know. I'll never do something like that again. Really.”
“Promise?”
Sho smiled. “Promise.”
“Can you kiss me now, please? I'm not sure how long my heart can stand this,” Nino whispered, looking deeply into Sho's eyes, his whole body trembling slightly from the tension between them.
“Come here,” Sho smiled and leaned forward a little to place a kiss onto the tip of Nino's nose who then looked at the other puzzled. Sho chuckled. “If you want more, you'll have to take a shower and brush your teeth first.”
“I don't know if you're mean or pervy right now.”
“Maybe both?”
Nino smiled and it took him a few seconds, but they got up and Nino followed Sho into the bathroom where he received a new toothbrush. They brushed their teeth together like during their junior days when they attended diverse training camps. Sho then handed Nino a fresh towel and left the room so that Nino could get rid of his clothes to enjoy a quick – since he couldn't wait to be back in Sho's arms – shower. He didn't count on Sho, who surprised him just a few minutes later, opening the door to the shower and stepping inside – naked – just to slide his warm hands around Nino's slim waist from behind, joining his fingers in front of the other's belly. He pressed himself closer, causing Nino to blush under the warm water and trembled slightly. Sho's touch felt like electricity running through his body. He leaned forward, dropping his head onto Nino's shoulder, kissing it.
“Sho, what are you doing?” the younger asked in a low voice, his eyes closed, partly not to get water in his eyes, partly because the sensation of feeling Sho's lips ghosting over his skin almost drove him crazy. He dared letting his head fall back, resting against Sho's strong chest.
“I thought, it's unfair if I send only you to take a shower,” Sho whispered against Nino's ear before letting his lips caress the sensitive spot right behind Nino's ear.
The younger finally turned around in the embrace, he needed to see the other. The warm water kept running over his back, drenching his hair completely. He looked up to Sho, his face and the tips of his hair already wet and right this moment, it was like he fell again for this man. His eyes were filled with so many different feelings, curiosity, regret, nervousness but also – and that was far more important – they were filled with love, hope and desire. Nino reached up with his hands, cupping Sho's wet face. He stroke his cheeks, let his fingers dance over his nose, his plum lips. The dripping sound of the water in his ears and the warm cosy feeling, standing here in front of the man he loved, touching him while he felt the other's hands on his hips, it truly felt like a dream.
“Sho?” Nino asked in an almost whispering voice.
“Yes?”
“I'm sorry too,” Nino began. “I said some pretty harsh words.”
“Everything's forgotten now, Nino. We can start over again, right?” Sho caressed Nino's cheek.
“That's all I wish for. Tell me, is this real?” Nino whispered, not sure if Sho could even hear it.
Sho must have heard it though because after looking at Nino for another second, he leaned forward, slowly, closing his eyes while his hands slipped to the small of Nino's back and he finally sealed their lips in a kiss.
It was a really wet kiss and it tasted like peppermint toothpaste but they didn't mind. Nino moaned silently when Sho's tongue carefully begged for entrance. Nino just willingly parted his lips enough to allow Sho to deepen their kiss. He could feel Sho's hand sliding up his back, spreading the shower gel before burying his fingers in the wet hair at the back of his head, pressing him slightly closer. Their tongues danced around each other, wakening their desire for each other further. Nino could feel it. Feeling it between them, he might have been ashamed if it wasn't that exciting, if it wasn't what he had longed and wished for.
He brushed a strand of wet hair out of Sho's face, and when they broke their kiss, Nino opened his eyes again.
“Need more proof?” Sho asked smirking, leaning closer again, covering Nino's neck with kisses.
“We – we should move... maybe,” Nino suggested a bit shyly, feeling his cheeks brushing.
They finished showering in record time and after Sho reached behind Nino to turn of the water, the taller fished for Nino’s towel to wrap the younger with it, rubbing him dry. Nino giggled when he was dry and Sho still dripped from water, some cold drops landing on Nino's skin, tickling him. He let the towel wrapped around his waist and went searching for another one to repay the favor to Sho, who grinned happily at this gesture.
They shared more kisses, loving ones, cute ones, much closer to their first ever kiss from teenage years than what they had shared in that toilet cubicle a few days ago, and it was good. So good. They didn't bother to put their clothes back on and Sho took Nino's hand to pull him back into the bedroom, making him lose balance as he turned him to lay him onto the soft bed sheets. His own towel still in place, Sho crawled over the other, lowering his body to cover Nino fully with his weight but the younger didn't complain. Sho let his hands wander over Nino's body, brushing his fingers over his cheeks, tickling the sensitive ears, making him shiver as he drew the contours of his slim body, finally letting his lips follow the traces of his fingers.
“You need a breakfast,” Sho said as he kissed Nino's flat stomach, caressing his navel with the tip of his tongue.
“You're my breakfast,” Nino answered cheekily, his fingers playing with Sho's hair.
“Let's hope I can satisfy your hunger.” Sho came back to Nino's face, pecking his lips when Nino cupped his face and pulled him into another deep, passionate kiss.
“I'm sure, you will.”
Nino felt Sho's smirk against his lips before the older trailed down again, finally allowing his fingers to slip under the edge of Nino's towel to loosen it. The younger giggled at the tickling feeling of Sho's fingertips ghosting over his skin, wandering deeper and a pleasant shiver ran over him as Sho gently kissed his lower belly.
After a real breakfast about an hour later, Nino and Sho immediately went back to bed where they spent the rest of the day together, cuddling, kissing, talking, doing not-so-innocent stuff, and even more talking while listening to soft music in the background. The sun was setting again and Nino witnessed the slowly wandering shadows on the wall opposite Sho's bed, drawn there by the fabric of his curtains. The room was flooded with a warm light which slowly darkened, dipping them into an even more romantic atmosphere. Nino's heart clenched, but it was a reaction to the endless happiness that was flooding his body right now, giving him goose bumps. He cuddled closer to Sho who had settled his arm around Nino's shoulder, drawing small patterns on his arm while dozing off a little. He pulled him closer.
“Are you cold?” Sho asked gently.
Nino shook his head, turning in Sho's embrace so that he could face the other. “I was just thinking.”
“About something spooky?” Sho chuckled and Nino pinched his cheeks.
“No, nothing spooky. I just...,” Nino settled a gentle look on Sho, letting his fingers brush carefully over the skin he had just pinched. “I just thought that I probably was never happier than right now being here with you.”
Sho put his hand in the nape of Nino's neck, pulling him down a little for a kiss.
“Don’t you dare leave me ever again,” Nino whispered after the kiss, his eyes still closed. “I swear, I’ll kill you!”
“I won’t.”
And Sho sealed the deal with another kiss. One of many which would follow, that was for sure.
*****
In September 2014, Arashi was given the chance to celebrate their 15th anniversary and to look back on their common past all together in their birth place, Hawaii. Sho considered himself as really lucky for this opportunity. The time he spent there with the other members of Arashi was something that he really enjoyed and it would be something that he would treasure forever. Despite all of them having gone through for better and for worse phases in their lives, having to deal with struggles as individuals and as a group, they had grown up together and had grown together as the group they were. And being here together to celebrate brought them even closer, tightened their bond and their will to keep on with what they were doing, as long as it might be possible.
Sho had more or less poured his heart out when it was his turn to get interviewed for the Hawaii documentary that the group had decided to share on the upcoming release of their anniversary concert. It was the most natural thing to do, despite them restraining from sharing bonus material over the last few years, and not really considering such stuff as necessary any longer. However, as a present to their long-term fans, it was the slightest they could offer as a thank you in return. Knowing that their fans were dying to see something like this, Sho didn't mind it any longer.
Of course, Sho had also mentioned what had bugged him for years, the whole “friendship” thing, even if he just dropped a few lines about it. At least it had been part of their history too, not one he was particularly proud of but in the end it had been necessary to bring them to the point they shared right now. And it had been necessary for him and Nino to finally find each other and that alone was reason enough to cherish it.
The thing had really bugged Sho, more than it would have been necessary, he knew that now. It had caused him to create uncertainties among the group, it had caused him to hurt the most important people in his life but at the same time it had strengthened the bond that he shared with Arashi as well as with Nino in particular because they had overcome this crisis together. It had enforced their good relationship and made them even stronger than before and it had showed him that it didn’t matter how people outside of their inner circle saw them, or if they thought they got along well or not. No, it just didn’t matter what Arashi was particularly loved for. All that mattered was that they were happy with what they achieved and that they were happy working together. Being together. Getting along.
When the cameras were finally gone, dusk was falling over the place already, drowning the chilly place of their holiday bungalow in orange. Sho stretched his tired limbs and went into the kitchen, searching the fridge for something to snack. He smiled when he heard Jun and Ohno's voices from outside, the two of them had most likely settled on the balcony to Ohno's room upstairs again, sharing some drinks, like they had used to during the last few days. Aiba was likely tired from swimming and other exercise that Sho couldn't even imagine doing in the heat of those late summer days. He heard some shuffling footsteps, stopping behind him, and Sho's smile got even wider.
He felt Nino's small hands hugging him from behind, felt the smaller man's forehead leaning against his back. He quickly grabbed two cans of beer and a bowl of strawberries, putting them aside, closing the fridge and turned around to face his boyfriend.
“Hey, honey,” Nino said, his lips adorned by a cute smile.
“Hey, sweetie,” Sho answered, leaning forward to peck those adorable lips. And to peck them again and again until it grew into a passionate kiss.
Then, Sho turned around, took the bowl with strawberries to place them in Nino's hands, taking the two cans of beer and showing the younger to follow him outside. Nino followed him immediately, his shuffling footsteps could be heard through the room again until he set his feet outside onto the juicy, green grass. The two went further, side by side, passing the slender but ridiculously deep swimming pool and the tall palm trees until they arrived at the row of five wooden chairs that had been arranged there for Arashi to sit and enjoy the view of the sky kissing the sea. The calming sound of the water washing away the sand gently with each wave and the still warm air despite the fact that night was already approaching, created a romantic atmosphere. It wasn't dark yet but slowly the lights of some lanterns hanging outside at the bungalows in the neighborhood started to lit up, preparing to compete with the stars up in the night sky, which were about to show up. Nino might have found it cheesy if it wasn't that he was experiencing this together with the one he was so in love with.
Sho settled down on the one in the middle, putting the beer cans onto a small table right next to him and then he waved at Nino to join him, making as much space on the same chair as possible so that they could share one.
Nino smiled at Sho and Sho smiled back warmly. Nino was still holding the bowl filled with strawberries, the sweet scent of the fruits mixing with the typical, slightly salty smell of the beach.
“You said some interesting things back there in that interview, Sho-chan,” Nino suddenly said. He took a strawberry out of the bowl and pushed it between Sho's beautiful lips.
“You've been listening?” the older asked after he finished eating. He reached his hand to Nino's neck, caressing the short hair playfully. “Those strawberries taste really good, try some too!”
“I was taking a nap in the living room at first but when I woke up and went outside I heard you talking and stopped by to listen,” Nino said before Sho fed him a small strawberry and he blushed.
“I didn't see you,” Sho wondered.
“Well, you were so focused onto the interview, no wonder you didn't realize I was there.”
“Do you think I said too much?” the older immediately frowned. “I got a bit carried away.... all this anniversary stuff, the mood, it's making me more emotional than I thought it would.”
Nino smiled. “I get what you mean. But don't worry, it was fine. I just think that you will make lots of fans wonder and speculate over Arashi's true bonds again and again...”
“The getting along thing?”
“Exactly that.”
“I think… I couldn’t explain more or I might tell the whole story of how long it took you and me to get together, before I knew what I was doing,” Sho smirked, caressing his boyfriend's cheek.
“So you thought it’s better to let the fans think for themselves?” Nino chuckled.
Sho slightly shrugged his shoulders. “Somehow, yes.”
“They will crack their lovely heads and speculate a lot about your statement regarding Arashi’s internal relationships, I’m sure about this.”
“Well, as long as they don't suspect us two being togeth-”
“Oh, I think they do,” Nino interrupted his lover, earning a puzzled look. “At least some of them. I heard there's a pretty bunch of fanfictions dealing with the topic of our relationship out there and I guess the inspiration doesn't come from nowhere...”
Sho's eyes widened and his lips curled up, showing his cute teeth. “Don't tell me you read one of those...”
“I didn't but Jun mentioned that he stumbled over some of those when he was doing his regular
Arashi check on Google,” Nino fished for another strawberry to feed to Sho.
“I'm sure, sometimes he finds stuff that he wished he never saw,” Sho assumed.
“Oh, I think he was pretty amused,” Nino retorted chuckling. “He told me that if our sex life should ever get boring, he could send me a mail with some “inspiring material” like he called it.”
“I think that won't be necessary,” Sho smirked.
He reached to take the bowl out of Nino's hands, placing it next to the beer cans on the table. Then he settled his hand on Nino's hip, shuffled a bit while pulling the other to lay on top of him, making it a bit more comfortable for both of them.
“I hoped you would say that,” Nino gave him a seductive look, his lips curling up as he smiled cheekily. He let his finger draw some random lines on the fabric of Sho's shirt.
“Come here, my little brat!” Sho couldn't resist any longer and hugged the other closer, brushing his nose against Nino's earlobe and started to kiss his sensitive neck lovingly, causing him to chuckle.
Nino freed himself from Sho's attack, just so that he could face and kiss him properly. He leaned in, slowly closing his eyes until he felt those familiar warm and plump lips caressing his own. He moaned happily. Sho's fingers at the small of his back slipped underneath Nino's shirt and started to caress the warm skin, tickling it lovingly and Nino giggled.
“Is your injury good again?” Sho asked, referring to Nino’s hurt back from during the concert, wanting to confirm that his boyfriend really felt better, just as he had told him at least ten times already today. But this time, his questioning wasn't only to show his concern, it was also to confirm that what he had planned would not affect his boyfriend in any way.
“Good enough for whatever you’re up to do with me,” Nino smirked, leaning down to kiss the exposed skin at Sho's neck after he had started to undress him.
“Be quiet Nino, you hear me?”
“I can't promise...,” Nino whispered.
THE END
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Ahaha yeah, Juntoshi ♥ I love them too! ^^