fic for pikamiya!

[nino_mod]

For: pikamiya
From: :3.

Title : Semper Fi
Pairing/Focus : Ohno/Nino
Rating : PG
Word count : 14,900 words
Warnings : None
Summary : Nino mentioned it as a joke – that’s just what it is, really, a joke, for god’s sake - but apparently, his best friend very obviously thought otherwise.
Note : Dearest Pikamiya – I have to say I kind of looked at your AU prompt + Ohmiya and worked my way from there. This story is kind of weird though, and a little dramatic, so sorry about that. Still, I hope you’ll like it. To our dearest Mod, thank you for your patience. To my superbeta, X, you’re awesome. Thank you.


--- then ---

When Nino walked into the room, Ohno is busy packing stuff into his suitcase.

There’s a relatively big box sitting next to the study table, already taped and ready to go. His best friend’s room is almost bare, save from a couple of blank canvasses leaning against the wall near the bed. Ohno’s fishing rails and lures that normally litter the room are missing and Nino wonders if they ended up in the box, too, but thinks that maybe, Ohno’s mother got to them first and managed to put them away before Ohno could even consider taking them with him.

The realization that Ohno is leaving hits him like a sledgehammer to the face; it’s unexpected and painful, but Nino knows he has to pretend he’s okay, even though it’s not going to be easy.

“You’re still not done packing?” he asks when he’s sure he can finally speak without stuttering, as he closes the door behind him.

Ohno pauses from folding one of his shirts to acknowledge Nino’s presence with a smile and slight nod of his head. Nino tilts his head in return and walks the short way between the door to where Ohno is sitting on the floor, near the closet; he stops when he’s close enough to where Ohno is, considers his options between sitting next to Ohno on the floor and the bed, before deciding on the safer choice. He sits on the edge of the bed instead, careful not to step on some of the clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor.

Ohno shifts his body until he’s facing Nino; then he stretches, arm reaching up to touch Nino’s calf.

“Why, are you here to help me?” Ohno asks, looking and sounding hopeful, as Nino feels fingers move to the back of his knees and squeezes.

“No. I’m actually here to remind you of the kind of friend you are for leaving me,” he grouches, without heat, but Ohno simply laughs and doesn’t seem to take offense. Nino knows he won’t, because Ohno is wonderful like that.

Nino makes a face just as Ohno’s fingers tighten around the back of his knee, clearly urging him to sit on the floor, beside Ohno.

He harrumphs but gave in anyway, as Ohno very carefully worms his arm around Nino’s shoulders to pull him closer.

“How many times do I have to apologize for this?” Ohno asks, softly. “And it’s not like I’m leaving permanently. I mean, the program will only be for a year and a half, two years, max. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’ll be graduating next year,” he grumps, “That means you won’t be here when it happens.”

Ohno chuckles, but it sure sounded a little shaky. When Nino tries to raise his head to check, however, Ohno doesn’t let him. Instead, Ohno tugs him in and hugs him, feels Ohno’s nose nuzzling the top of Nino’s head.

“I’ll email you as soon as I get there. I’ll try to call as often as I can, too, I promise.”

“Well, it would certainly be a poor substitute for the real thing but, okay.”

Ohno giggles and squeezes him tightly in answer. “You won’t even remember saying that when you have new friends to celebrate with.”

“You know you’re the only friend I have,” he counters. He knows he’s beginning to sound like a whiny girlfriend, but he supposes since it’s Ohno, there’s very little chance that the other man will call him out on it.

A pause, a breath, and the tell-tale feel of Ohno’s lips pressing softly to the crown of Nino’s head.

“That’s going to change soon, I promise.” is what Ohno says.



--- now ---

There’s an art convention I have to attend there this weekend. Maybe you’re free to meet for dinner or even just coffee when it’s done?

The message is lighthearted, unassuming in its simplicity, and it is exactly what one would expect from someone as equally unimposing as Nino’s best friend. It’s exactly what Nino felt when he’d read the message first, and then again when he reads it the second time, realizes he is grinning as he is typing his reply, chuckling fondly under his breath.

Of course! Just let me know what time I shall meet you and where?

The itinerary says the convention should be done by four on the first day; that would be this Saturday. Not sure if it will be the same on the second day, though, but I’ll be staying in the hotel near the venue until Monday morning, so that broadens your options a little bit since I’ll be arriving there the day before the convention starts, which would be on Friday evening. I can meet you the same night, if you’re free.

Nino sits up, his excitement palpable in the way his fingers are quick to type in his reply. It has been close to a year since he’d last seen Ohno, and Nino’s not about to let this chance to see him slip away. Next to him, Sho shifts, and Nino feels more than hears the sound he makes as he shuffles closer, clearly to find out why Nino is literally vibrating with excitement beside him.

“Who is it?” Sho asks; they’re pressed so close together now that he’s certain Sho is seeing this. “Is it Ohno-san?” Sho asks.

Nino hums but says nothing and continues typing.

Do you even remember the last time we saw each other, you jerk? Last year, on Mom’s birthday! That’s close to a year already, obviously since it’s already June now, not to mention it will be my birthday next week! So, if you think meeting over for dinner is enough, then you better think again. You’re going to be spending your weekend with me, or at least what would remain of it, after that convention of yours is done, whether you like it or not!

“Oh, so, he’s coming to Tokyo,” Sho acquiesce; Nino nods and settles back, leaning his weight onto Sho and letting Sho’s arms worm around his waist from behind. It’s Wednesday night, and instead of spending it alone in his apartment, Nino decides to just drop by at Sho’s when he learned Sho’s got home early from work.

Nino’s phone pings, signaling a reply. When he sees the message, the laughter that bubbles out of him is so sudden he startled even Sho.

Please tell me that’s not your supposedly subtle way of asking me for a birthday present, because I’m telling you, it’s not subtle at all.

“Just for the weekend, I think,” he says, chuckling still, and leaves it at that. It’s not like he’s trying to keep this a secret – he doesn’t – but simply because there’s this part about his friendship with Ohno that not Sho, or even Aiba and Jun, would understand.

In fact, Aiba told him once - maybe jokingly, Nino’s not really sure - that the reason he’s keeping mum about Ohno is because he wants to keep Ohno to himself. He’d simply dismissed it with a grunt, and told Aiba off. He doesn’t need to explain himself and his friendship with Ohno to people who wouldn’t understand it, and that’s that.

Maybe, he types, Wouldn’t you want to know, Oh-chan?

“He won’t be here on your birthday?” Sho asks, like he could tell what Nino is thinking. Nino shrugs. It’s not like he can (or will) force Ohno to extend his stay, just because Nino wants him to be here on Nino’s supposed special day.

“Probably not,” he says. “It’s just a two-day convention, is what he’s saying. Said he’s staying here until Monday morning. He’s asking if I’m free to meet over dinner or coffee,” He explains.

Sho hums, thoughtfully, his curiosity is so palpable that Nino can actually hear his thoughts as if he’s spoken them out loud.

“But, do you want him to?” Sho asks, but it’s not really a question. Nino frowns and twists around so he’s looking at the unobstructed view of Sho’s smirk.

“Why are you even asking me that?” he grunts, feeling slightly offended, even though there’s no reason why he should be. “Of course I want him to be here, if it’s possible. He’s my best friend, for fuck’s sake.”

Sho raise his hands in the air, conceding, grins when Nino frowns. “Hey, no need to get all worked up about it. I was just…curious.”

“Curious? Of what?”

“Never mind, it’s not really important.” Sho says.

His gaze somewhat ends up on the familiar-looking bottle sitting - and looking so out of place there with Sho’s snow domes collection - on the shelf, next to the giant television, and remembers the hours spent in his best friend’s house, watching Ohno working on the pieces very carefully. The memory aches, just like it always does when he finds himself reminiscing of a past long gone.

He staves it away with a forced smile and settles back to his previous position without another word.

*

“You didn’t tell me Ohno-san would be visiting this weekend,” is the first thing Jun said to him when they meet that afternoon for lunch. He’d very much preferred to see Jun over dinner – he always look forward to whatever fancy dinner Jun would put together for the sake of his ‘non-existent appetite’, Jun’s words, not his – but apparently, Jun is flying to Manila tonight for work.

“I didn’t know I have to report everything I do to you, or to anyone for that matter,” he muses, and very pointedly doesn’t roll his eyes at Jun in answer. He also doesn’t make a very inappropriate comment regarding Jun and Sho’s obvious gossiping despite the urge, seeing that it isn’t the first time this happened, and Jun will most likely just give him a look and pretends he didn’t hear him.

Jun does give him a look anyway, one that says he knows what Nino is trying to do and he’s not buying it. This time, Nino does roll his eyes and very deliberately ignores Jun by turning his attention to his cold and half-eaten pasta Jun ordered for him earlier.

Jun sighs and it’s loud enough that Nino’s attention snaps back to him before Nino even realized it.

“Is this how it looks to you? That we’re monitoring you or something?” Jun inquires, levelly, but there’s that surprising edge in his voice that catches Nino off-guard. It’s not anger or even disappointment, but something else. Something Nino is certain he’s never encountered before, with Jun.

He wants to say something, to try and explain himself, but finds that he’s unable to, simply because he doesn’t understand himself either. Or maybe he does, but he’s just not averse at talking it out with other people, even if said people are his friends. To be fair, Jun’s inquiry about Ohno’s oncoming visit is harmless as it is simply, and very clearly done out of mere curiosity, but just it had happened before, he’d reacted sideways.

He really needs to get a grip or someone is bound to notice. And honestly, that’s the last thing he needs; he’s never really learned to appreciate when people tries to poke around his business, and he’s obviously not going to start now.

“Sorry, it must be this pasta, or your perfume, that’s messing with my brain. Probably the latter, though. It’s seriously strong today,” he sniffs the air for show, and valiantly tries not to humiliate himself further by telling Jun off or leaving, even though that’s exactly what he feels like doing.

Jun chuckles inwardly. “Kazu, I’m not asking after your best friend because I want to steal him from you, okay? Come on, we’re not kids anymore; and he’s not a toy that you can keep to yourself just because you hate the idea of letting anyone play with him, aside from you.”

“Okay, this conversation is getting weirder by the minute,” he grumbles as he pushes away from the table and leans back on the chair with his arms crossed over his chest, letting the defiance speak for itself.

“I thought you invited me over to eat. If I knew you were planning on cross-examining me and my decision not to share some of the things in my life that doesn’t concern you, I swear I would have declined.”

Jun looks as if he’s considering various things at the moment, like maybe stabbing Nino with his fork, or hurling his half-empty plate into Nino’s face or laughing at the hilarity of it all, even though Nino can’t, for the life of him, see anything that’s even remotely funny about the situation.

“Okay, I’ll forget you said that,” Jun remarks, “because you’re obviously trying to rile me up, and yourself, for nothing. But, just to be clear, the reason I asked you about Ohno-san’s upcoming visit is because Sho-san is planning on talking to him to ask him if it’s possible for him to extend his stay for a few days so he could be here, with you, on your birthday.”

The admission floors him, but it also confuses him as he relates to it. It’s not like he’s openly demanding things from any of them, or has even asked them to do this for him, because he’s not. He’s not. He knows how busy Ohno is with his job in Kyoto, and no matter how evil they all think he is at times, most of the time, fine, he’s not that heartless to make unreasonable demands, to Ohno, most of all, just because he feels like it.

He stares pointedly at Jun and shakes his head, unable to say anything.

Jun, on the other hand, looks as if he just realized the implication of what he’s done, the things he’d said, and is trying to come up with something, anything, to say to salvage the situation, but he’s also giving Nino this look that makes Nino want to hide, to run. The whole thing only serves to make Nino more confused than he already are to begin with, wondering what Jun is expecting him to say, when he doesn’t really understand himself half the time, either.

Knowing he would only be digging his own grave if he as much as comments on the very same thing that’s left him confused more times he’s already lost count, he looks away and lets out his breath in a rush.

He’s certain neither of them has expected this, and it’s evident in the way Jun is frowning hard and is very obviously trying to think of a way to lighten the atmosphere between them, that he didn’t, either. It’s kind of ridiculous and stupid, Nino thinks.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” he says, in lieu of saying something else, or apologizing. That’s just not his style, and Jun knows it.

“Oh-chan knows it’ll make me happy to have him here on my birthday, but that doesn’t mean I expect him to be. He hasn’t been for years, you know, but that doesn’t mean we treasure each other less.” He reiterates. He doesn’t mean to sound so melodramatic, but hearing Jun’s admission makes him feel a bit sentimental, for some reason.

“And I’m sure he’ll try his best to be here if he could. You don’t even have to ask him that, just to please me.” He adds, and follows it with a wink, prompting a good-natured eye-roll from Jun as an answer.

“Fine, fine, if you say so.” Jun agrees, and Nino finds a smile for him, grateful and equal-parts glad that Jun chose to let the issue go, at least for now.



--- then ---

Nino mentioned it as a joke – that’s just what it is, really, a joke, for god’s sake - but apparently, his best friend very obviously thought otherwise.

Ohno’s so busy he hardly even notice Nino’s presence, when Nino came over to inspect what Ohno’s been up to all afternoon; he finds Ohno in his room, engrossed in his art. Upon closer inspection, Nino could only surmise that this unplanned project is his fault.

He walks inside as quietly as he could manage it until he’s standing right behind Ohno’s work table, and takes in the sight before him. Ohno is bent over his table, busy painting one of the empty milk bottles purple. There are a couple more of the same there, plus cans of paints in various colors, pencils, paintbrushes, art papers, just the usual stuff Nino’s used to seeing when he hangs out in Ohno’s room.

Nino takes another tentative step; Ohno still doesn’t seem to notice he’s there, so he decides to inform him by tapping Ohno on the shoulder.

“Oh-chan, what are you doing?” he asks when Ohno turns, eyeing the bottle in Ohno’s hand. Looking closely, he realizes that the paint is only halfway done.

Ohno looks sheepish, but his smile is shy and soft around the edges. “Can’t you tell?”

Nino’s mouth quirk in answer, feigns exasperation and eyes the milk bottle warily. He doesn’t assume to understand how Ohno’s mind works, or how he even thinks putting Nino’s silly comment into the real thing will help, and why he even bothered doing this, but he figures Ohno’s not expecting him to anyway. He clicks his tongue and doesn’t wait for the invitation to sit to come, and just makes himself comfortable on the other empty stool there, dragging it closer to where Ohno is sitting, and then turns to give Ohno a look.

“I’m making the bottles, see? But you have to take care of the messages yourself though, since I have no idea what should be written there.” Ohno says.

Nino rolls his eyes, but that all-too familiar fondness washes through him in a rush; this seem like a regular occurrence now, he realizes, especially when Ohno does something wonderfully unexpected to please him, to make him happy.

But for his and Ohno’s sakes, he tries not to focus on it too much.

“Oh-chan, you realize it was a joke, right?” he states, shifting so he’s looking at the unobstructed view of his best friend’s face, watching the slow change in his expression as it settles from excitement to confusion within minutes. The sight of it makes him pause though, chastising himself mentally when his response only serves to make Ohno’s confusion grow.

He tentatively reaches over to touch Ohno’s wrist. “I mean, did you really think I was being serious?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

Ohno tilts his head, the gesture making him look so young, but equally vulnerable. Nino heart aches a little at the sight of it.

Ohno shrugs, but it looks half-hearted at best. “I think you were, when you were talking about it earlier,” Ohno whispers, “so I thought, why don’t I just make it easier for you by doing it myself,” Ohno pauses, worries his lips; the look on his face makes Nino feel like a massive douche bag.

“But now you’re saying it was just a joke? I don’t get it.” Ohno says, and he looks so hurt that the sick feeling within Nino grows.

He shakes his head and immediately regrets it when Ohno pulls back as if he’s been stung. He swallows past the lump that lodges itself in his throat and works his fingers around Ohno’s wrist, squeezing.

“Well, maybe because I realized it was silly, and a little childish?” he reasons, the reiterates by saying, “And it’s embarrassing, Oh-chan, seriously. I mean, no sane person would actually think of something like that and expect it to work, okay? I was obviously so out of it when I talked to you about it earlier. Please, can we just pretend this never happened?” he admonishes, feeling completely mortified that he’s forced to explain himself while also trying his best not to end up hurting Ohno’s feelings.

He’s obviously failing at that one, too.

Ohno’s lips curl unhappily, but Nino can tell there’s something else there too, in Ohno’s eyes. It looks so much like longing, and hope, and maybe all those familiar feelings he’s just too coward to admit himself. He wants to say something, a lot of things, to be honest, but none of it is enough to explain the things he can never say. Everything he’s kept to himself because he’s scared; scared of losing the one person that believes in him, knows him the way no one else does.

“I don’t get why you think it’s embarrassing,” Ohno says, “To be honest, I think it’s kind of romantic. I’ve watched that sort of movie, you know?”

Nino groans, embarrassed and equal-parts horrified, as he turns to bury his face in his hands. “Those are in movies, Oh-chan. Movies. Things like that don’t happen in real life, what are you even saying.” He points out rather rudely, but only because he’s quite certain Ohno won’t take offense. He knows Nino’s tendency to lash out when he feels cornered, but he also knows Nino well enough that he’s learned to just take it all in stride.

“Of course it does. It happens to real people too, Kazu,” Ohno returns, his tone and his expression softening marginally. “Maybe not like in the movies, but sometimes even better. All I’m saying is that there’s nothing to be ashamed of about this. It’s normal for people to want to find someone who will love them and make them happy, and vice versa.”

“The desire to find love, yes, maybe. Probably. But coming up with something so silly just to find it? Well, not so much. God, what was I even thinking?”

Ohno’s grin is a wondrous thing, and Nino feels so undeserving of it. “I still think it’s pretty sweet,” Ohno says, “Don’t you?”

He purses his lips and glares. “No.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I still intend to finish these, just in case you change your mind.”

Nino scowls. “That’s not going to happen, Oh-chan,” he says, “So, you can just, I don’t know, throw those away. I don’t even want to be reminded of this ever again, if possible.”

“How about we use these to find you some new friends?” Ohno asks, suddenly. “I mean, wouldn’t it be nice if these bottles actually find their way to people and they find their way back to you, and you and them became close, kind of like us? Like fated friends?”

Nino seriously feels like rolling his eyes again, but holds himself. “You don’t really know how to give up, do you?”

Ohno smiles. “Well, all I’m saying is, you need to have other friends too. Like, kind of back up ones for when I’m not around to take care of you.”

He frowns, and he knows he sounded breathless when he says, “I’m perfectly fine with having one best friend and a few acquaintances, to be honest. But if this is your way of saying you’re getting tired of me, then I guess it’s understandable. I’m just saying you don’t have to use this ‘message in a bottle’ crap to get rid of me. Just say so and I’ll –“

Ohno’s hand covers his mouth to shut him up. “Stop talking, Kazunari,” Ohno hisses, and he looks rightfully pissed that Nino feels like cowering at the sight of him. “Is that what you think this is about? Really?” Ohno asks, more like growls, and Nino has to divert his eyes elsewhere so he won’t have to keep looking at Ohno’s face as he speaks.

“Look at me and tell me what’s going on in your head right now. And be honest, Kazu.”

He shakes his head. He’s not even sure where that thought came from, or why he even thinks it’s possible for Ohno to hurt him that way. He can’t. He won’t.

He looks down at his hands and tries to come up with something worth saying, something that is at least closer to the truth.

“Nino, seriously –“

“I don’t need other friends, Oh-chan,” he murmurs quickly and effectively cutting Ohno off. Their eyes meet and Nino has to gather all the courage he could muster to continue, his heart heavy in his chest. “I only need you.”

The silence that comes after that almost broke his heart, at least until he feels hands on his arms, pulling him in, lips pressed against Nino’s temple, Nino digging his nose into the crook of Ohno’s neck, eyes shut close as they breathe each other in.



--- now ---
Later that evening, Aiba called to ask if he could come over so they could finish that new game they started that one night Aiba came over for an impromptu visit but didn’t finish because, as Aiba had put it, he had no motivation to play when his opponent was a massive cheat.

Nino only agreed to let him come over just so he could show the bastard who was cheating who.

Aiba arrives an hour later with dinner from his parents’ restaurant, smiling like he knows something Nino doesn’t.

Nino frowns and eyes the take-out bag warily. “If you think bribing me with food will help, you’re absolutely mistaken.” He mutters.

Aiba smiles as he leans over to press a quick kiss to the side of Nino’s mouth before Nino can even shove him away. “I know; that’s why I brought beers, too. See? Don’t you love me?”

“No,”

Aiba whines. “Psh, just let me in so we can eat this already. I’m starving!”

Nino decides to play nice for the time being, and ushers Aiba inside.

In the kitchen, Aiba unpacks the take-out boxes while Nino goes to retrieve beers from the fridge. The familiar scent of gyoza fills his nostrils and he turns to find two boxes full of it, along with a serving of seafood fried rice huge enough to feed an army.

“Wow, you’re not hungry at all, aren’t you?” he scoffs; Aiba simply beams and tells him to grab some plates too. Nino rolls his eyes and complies anyway.

They’re eating when Aiba casually mentions Jun calling him on his way here, and somehow, that prompted Nino to stop eating, remembering his last conversation with Jun earlier.

“What does he want now?” Nino demands as he puts his chopsticks down, and leans forward to rest his elbows on the counter, eyes narrowed.

Aiba seems to take Nino’s very obviously defensive stance in stride, saying nothing for a while as he continues eating.

“I swear if you don’t start talking in the next five seconds, I will choke you right there,” he warns, even though they both know he doesn’t mean it. He didn’t even sound the least bit threatening, and Aiba doesn’t even look the least bit threatened, if he wants to be completely honest about it.

Something is very obviously wrong with him lately.

Aiba shoots him a look as he chews the remains of the gyoza he stuffed his mouth moments ago, before grabbing the can of beer Nino’s set down in front of him earlier. Aiba takes it without a word, lifts it to his mouth and drinks while Nino watches.

“Nothing that should upset you,” Aiba says when he puts the half-empty can down. “Jun-chan was just… worried. Sho-chan, too.”

“Worried? About what?” he snarls in combined annoyance and disbelief. He’s certain he hasn’t done anything to warrant the way those idiots are behaving towards him, and even if he did, he’s pretty confident that it’s nothing he can’t handle and fix by himself. He’s a grown man, for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t need them to fight his battles for him.

“Do we really have to spell it out to you?” Aiba says, and Nino wonders why it feels like he’s missed half of the conversation. He’s the one asking questions and yet Aiba’s answering him with one of his own. It’s frustrating and equal-parts confusing, to be honest. “You’re so blind, Jesus, I don’t even know what else to say to you.”

It’s annoying as much as it’s confusing, really. “What?”

“You still don’t get it,” Aiba murmurs after a long pause, “After all these years, you still refuse to see it. Do you think we like seeing you this way, Nino? Do you think it’s easy?”

“What…What in hell are you even saying?”

“God, you’re so clueless, so clueless. Come here,” Aiba shakes his head and Nino feels more than hears the way Aiba’s breath whooshes out of him in a rush. Nino waits for Aiba to continue but he doesn’t; instead, he takes Nino’s hand and pulls him closer, pulling him closer still until Nino has no choice but to move with him, mashing his face on Aiba’s shoulder, as Aiba holds him close.

*

As expected, Aiba didn’t stay long after dinner and Nino kind of expected that.

He figures they will have to sit down and talk about this, sure, but it won’t be happening soon. As much as he wants to know what triggered this, he can’t say he’s not interested in the way he is behaving either. He’s never been the type to take offense on anything that’s being thrown his way especially when he knows he hasn’t done anything wrong in the first place, but that is exactly what is happening lately.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? They did say they were just concerned, and possibly even curious, but why does it feel like they were talking about something else? And what does Oh-chan coming over to see him have anything to do with all of it?

It’s all so confusing that his head hurts just thinking about it.

So, he decides not to. It’s easier that way, he suppose, because what good would it do him if he would keep worrying over things that exist mostly just to confuse him? Those three obviously don’t feel like talking yet, and Nino’s learned to simply take things as they come, because, what else is there for him to do but that?
He leaves the cleaning for later and decides to distract himself away from thinking by playing the game he’s supposed to play with Aiba, but even that proves to be rather difficult. He didn’t even notice he was spacing out until his character screams on the screen and dies.

As if on cue, his phone sitting on the low table vibrates, signaling a call.

It’s Ohno.

The controller falls from his hand but he ignores it, and the smile that punches out of him is so sudden he doesn’t even realize it until he answers the phone and his voice sounded thin and breathless, and there’s this blooming warmth in the center of his chest hearing his best friend’s voice despite the static noise.

“Oh-chan, hey.”

There’s a brief pause after that, and the next thing Ohno says after he said hello is, “Hey, you alright?” like Ohno knows he isn’t; it’s one of the things that puzzles Nino until now, because, how it is that Ohno can tell how he’s feeling by just the sound of his voice? Or the fact that Ohno seem to know just when to reach out, as if he knows Nino needed cheering up?

But then again, maybe, he doesn’t really have to know. It’s just one of the things that are just so, at least when it comes to the two of them. And it’s okay. It’s okay. He’s used to this. Even if it still feels unsettling, somehow.

“Better now.” He murmurs as he settles back on the couch and spends the next few seconds listening to Ohno breathing softly on the other end of the line.



--- then---

The normally crowded room is quiet and empty, saved from the two of them, and in other times, Nino might even appreciate being invited here, but not this time, no. It’s cold and it honestly feels like his balls are freezing too, standing here in the middle of the room with all these creepy sculptures around, while his best friend seems to be in another dimension, too engrossed on his clays and very obviously ignoring everything else.

He’s certain there’s a good enough reason why Ohno’s asked him to come here, but all this waiting is honestly wearing his patience thin.

“What am I even doing here?” he mutters, loud enough to startle anyone within hearing distance, but not Ohno. Nino feels like screaming, or hurling something at Ohno’s head to get his attention.

“Satoshi!” he yells, and feels oddly satisfied when it snaps Ohno’s attention away from his clays, fucking finally.

He grins as Ohno scowls. “Jesus, can you not do that please? What if someone heard you? They’ll think I’m harassing you or something.”

“Serves you right for making me stand and wait here like a creep,” he grumbles, then decides he’s sick of standing around as he makes his way to where Ohno is. “So, are you going to tell me why I’m here? Or should I guess?”

Ohno stares blankly at him and Nino feels like hitting him. “Oh.”

“Don’t you oh me, you imbecile,” he sneers, but it only sounded ridiculous saying it while he’s laughing, too. God, why did he even bother? He should be used to this by now, right? Right? “You told me to come meet you here as soon as I’m free, so I’m guessing it’s important? What is it?” he asks, while simultaneously trying not to hyperventilate.

His pulse quicken when Ohno darts his gaze elsewhere, Nino’s heart beating mile a minute when Ohno bites his bottom lip absently.

Somehow, Nino can tell this is something else, and not actually what he thinks it is. Something serious. And maybe, possibly, even potentially heartbreaking. “Oh-chan, what’s wrong?”

“Um, you remember that program you told me to sign up for at the beginning of the term?” Ohno asks; Nino nods.

“What about it?” he returns, even though a huge part of him already knows what this is, what Ohno’s going to say next.

“I’ve just been accepted,” Ohno answers, voice quiet and his expression is solemn, if not pinched. Nino feels like he’s just been punched in the gut.

“When?” he stutters, “When are you supposed to leave?” he reiterates, before he can even stop himself. He’s not sure why he’s even asking, it doesn’t matter now, does it?, but he still wants to know. Ohno looks as if he’s trying not to comment on the way Nino is behaving, or maybe it’s just because Ohno doesn’t know how.

Ohno’s fingers are cold against his skin when Ohno wraps them around Nino’s wrist, light and barely-there.

“In three weeks,” Ohno says. Nino blinks, but he feels numb; he shakes his head and turns around, starts walking, ignoring Ohno entirely, even though he can hear Ohno calling his name repeatedly.

He walks and walks and doesn’t stop until he’s certain he’s far enough from the room he’s left Ohno, shaking as he stares at the opposite wall he found himself facing minutes later. The realization settles hot and heavy in his chest, and he just can’t seem to shake it off.

He’s not supposed to cry over this, he knows, but he can’t help that either.

“Idiot,” he mutters, as he wipes the moisture off his face. “You’re a goddamn idiot, Ninomiya, that’s what you are.” He repeats as if it will make a difference, telling himself that.

It doesn’t make him feel any better, but at least it helped ease the ache he feels in his chest for a little bit.



--- now ---

He’s at work when Jun called. Nino wonders if Jun’s calling to apologize, but knowing Jun, it would be better not to get his hopes up just yet. After all, Jun still thinks he didn’t do anything wrong, or said anything wrong for that matter, even though he’s pissed Nino off so badly Nino’s considering hanging up two seconds after the call has connected just to be rude.

He doesn’t, even though he’s tempted to. It’s kind of disconcerting, in a way, but he thinks that maybe, it’s what trying to be a mature, grown up person actually feels like.

What, you’re still mad at me?” Jun mutters from the phone, and he at least sounded sort of apologetic. Kind of. Or maybe, it’s just Nino’s brain deluding him. He could be hearing (or seeing) things that aren’t even there; it’s entirely possible, he thinks, given his bizarre reaction to his friends making inquiries after his best friend, after Ohno, even though he knows they’re just...curious. Concerned, maybe?

Harmless stuff, and yet he's acting like a psychopath. His brain is such a scary place, seriously.

“If I say I am, will you apologize?”

“No.”

Nino rolls his eyes and is only half-glad Jun couldn’t actually see him. “Well, then there’s your answer, prick.”

Jun chuckles. “Hmm, I guessing that means you are not upset anymore,” he says, making Nino wonder about it, somehow. “Did you talk to Ohno-san again?” Jun follows, as if it’s not the exact same thing they were arguing about before Jun left for work.

“No, did you?” he counters, just because he feels like it. He’s honestly getting tired of their no-nonsense inquiries, their puzzling questions, so if they won’t tell Nino what in hell they think they’re up to, he guesses he doesn’t have to indulge them and their mind games, either.

“Yes. This morning, actually; I called him after I’ve had coffee,” Jun says, and his answer has Nino sputtering in shock right after.

“You called Oh-chan?! You have his number?!” Nino splutters, only remembering lowering his voice when he realizes he’s in the office and not in the privacy of his apartment.

Jun chuckles. “Obviously! How did you expect me to call if I didn’t?”

Nino’s temple throbs, feeling the onset of a terrible headache coming. “You’re not kidding, are you?”

“No, why would I? Also, is there something wrong about that? I mean, I’ve been acquainted with your best friend ever since I met you, so I think it’s pretty normal that we would have exchanged email addresses and phone numbers with each other by now, don’t you think? ” Jun asks.

Nino doesn’t dignify that with an answer. “Come on, Nino, is it really that surprising? I mean, I’ve known him for over a decade now. And he’s your best friend, for crying out loud! I don’t really get why you’re acting so weird about this.”

“I’m not acting weird, you jerk,” he grouches, though he can’t really fault Jun for saying it. He is acting weird, after all. “I’m just…I’m just surprised, okay? I have no idea you guys are close. I mean, I have never even seen you guys talk to each other when you all happened to be in the same room together. How come I don’t know this?”

Jun snorts. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you always seemed distracted when Ohno-san is around that it’s difficult for you to notice anything else.” Jun remarks off-handedly. Nino gapes, unable to speak for a moment as his brain tries to process Jun’s statement and the apparent ridiculousness of it.

He counts mentally to ten, continues it to twenty, barely even making it to twenty five because it honestly feels like there’s an army of tap-dancing elephants in his chest and making their way out through his throat.

“I don’t…really know what you’re talking about,” he croaks, when he’s sure his voice box is finally working and he could grumble something without choking.

There’s a brief moment of silence in which neither of them said anything, but when Jun, Nino knows there’s an obvious pattern to all this, and he’s just the last one to see it.

“Yeah, Nino. Keep telling yourself that.” Jun says.

Nino shuts his eyes close and realizes, it’s the things Jun doesn’t say that stand out the most.

He hangs up.


*

The program he’s coding could wait; his nagging curiosity, however, could not. Once he’s made sure he’s properly logged off his computer, he stands up to leave; he passes by Rui-chan’s desk to tell her he’s going out for a smoke break, even though he’s not planning on it. She simply nods and waves him off.

He ends up on a stairwell three floors down from their office; then, he calls Ohno.

And because it’s Ohno, he doesn’t answer. Nino called four more times just in case Ohno’s found the brains to actually check his phone after the past few minutes Nino couldn’t get a hold of him, but with no luck. He calls one more time, and when Ohno still didn’t answer, he calls Sho instead.

Sho thankfully answers on the third ring. “Nino, what’s up?”

Nino hesitates only for a moment. “Sho-chan, is this a good time? Are you free to talk?” he asks.

Sho sounded baffled when he answers. “Yeah, it’s fine. Are you okay?”

Nino goes for the truth, knowing Sho would appreciate Nino’s honesty even though they probably don’t deserve it. “Not really,” he says, “I was just thinking maybe you know what’s crawled up Jun-kun and Aiba-chan’s asses lately? They’re acting weird and saying equally bizarre shit, it’s actually freaking scary.”

Nino tries to be rational about this, truly, but it’s hard when he can’t explain what’s happening to him either. His emotions are all over the place and he can’t exactly justify the way he’s reacting so harshly over something frivolous, not to mention silly, because that’s exactly what this is. It’s nonsense, and very clearly not something worth fretting over, but unfortunately, that is easier said than done.

Sho sounded calm, even vaguely unaffected when he asks Nino what he meant. Nino knows what Sho is trying to do, but he’s past the point of caring what he can and can’t say; he just want to understand what they’re trying to say, because this stupid guessing game is not something worth playing, and it’s giving him enough of a headache to last him two lifetimes as it is.

“I’m not sure either, but they did sound like they’re trying to tell me something,” he answers, if only to let Sho know that he’s taking the bait. He’d rather bite the proverbial bullet than to pretend he’s not the least bit bothered by any of this, because, how can he not?

“Like what, exactly?” Sho counters, and his non-answers convinced Nino that Sho’s doing that on purpose.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” he grunts in return. “I’m sure you know it better than I do,”

There’s a brief pause where Nino only hears the sound of Sho breathing softly on the other end of the line. Nino can very well picture the wheels on Sho’s head spinning. Nino knows Sho is also considering his next words, because it took him a while to answer.

“You’re right, there’s something we have been meaning to tell you,” Sho says, matter-of-factly.

Nino’s pulse races and he fights to keep it under control despite the difficulty.

Honesty; they owe each other this, too. “Well then, let’s hear it,”



--- then ---

It’s only been two days since Ohno left, but it honestly feels much, much longer. His best friend had at least kept his promise, sending him an email not even an hour after he landed in Florence, saying he got there safely. Nino tries to be understanding about not getting any call so far, knowing how hard it must be for Ohno to settle in in a new place, a new country, and alone.

It’s his free period, and instead of spending the rest of his three-hour break missing Ohno’s company while feeling sorry for himself, he finds himself setting off for the library. When he got there, he borrowed a book about Italian culture, chose a table further from where the crowd of students usually congregates and resigns himself for some reading.

Not even ten minutes later, a figure approaches him. Nino tears his eyes away from the book he’s reading and into the face of a guy he doesn’t recognize. He’s lanky, with smiling eyes and equally-smiling mouth. He is also looking down at Nino like he’s waiting to be acknowledged, and Nino tilts his head hesitantly by way of greeting.

“Hi. Are you Ninomiya-san?” the guy asks.

Nino quirks an eyebrow in answer. “Who’s asking?”

“Ah, sorry. My name is Aiba. Aiba Masaki,” the guy introduces himself, as he gestures on the empty chair opposite of Nino. Nino shrugs, and somehow, the other guy takes it as a permission to make himself comfortable, hands fidgeting on the zipper of his bag.

“Um, I hate to point out the obvious, Aiba-san, but, do I know you? And is there a particular reason you’re here?”

The guy, Aiba, grins. “Obviously not, though I hope to remedy that soon,”

“Excuse me?”

Another smile. Nino realizes this guy likes to smile, a lot. “Please, just hear me out, okay? I swear I’m not a creep, but I’ve been trying to locate you for days, but with no luck. But I guess today’s my lucky day.”

Nino pinches his lips, wondering if he should just leave. “Ah, please don’t be afraid. As I said, I’m not a creep. There’s actually a reason why I’ve been trying to find you,” Aiba-san says, at the same time he tugs his bag open and points at the familiar-looking, green-painted bottle sitting inside.

Nino blinks and doesn’t even realize he’s reaching over to touch it until his fingers slide across the paint-color body. He wonders what it’s doing here, inside the bag of a stranger, when the last time he saw it, it was in the box under Ohno’s work table, along with the others like it.

“Where did you find it?” he asks, both in awe and in disbelief. “Did…Did someone give it to you?”

“No, I found it at the men’s bathroom on seventh floor. It looked interesting so I picked it up. When I opened it, that’s when I saw the paper inside, your name and your course are written…ah, wait, here let me show you,” Aiba-san pauses here and Nino watches as the other guy fiddles on something in his bag. When his hand reappears, he’s holding a piece of small paper out, offering it to Nino.

Nino swallows through the lump in his throat and takes the paper out of Aiba-san’s hand, squints at the painfully familiar handwriting there.

“I seriously considered throwing it away but I guess I got…curious. I wasn’t really expecting the person’s name written there really exists. So I decided to find you,” Aiba-san says. “It’s yours, isn’t it? Did you make it?”

Nino shakes his head, warmth settling across the general vicinity of his chest, and missing Ohno dearly. He lets his fingers linger across the bottle and offers Aiba-san a smile.

“No,” he murmurs, “My best friend did.”

*

The next day, Nino finds Aiba-san waiting for him in the library, like the other guy knows he’ll be there. Aiba-san caught sight of him walking, and starts waving enthusiastically at him from inside the library in greeting, surprisingly, from the same table Nino was occupying the day before.

He’s close enough when he notices another person standing next to Aiba-san. “Hi, I saved us a table, I hope it’s okay,” Aiba-san says. Nino nods without saying anything, and instead glances to the other guy standing there.

“Oh, yes, sorry, I almost forgot,” Aiba-san grins, jerking his thumb towards the serious-looking guy standing to his left. “Meet Sakurai Sho-san, Ninomiya-san,” he says; to the other guy, Sakurai-san, he nods. “There he is, Sho-san. Told you I’d find him.”

The exchange is as weird as it gets, at least until the other guy, Sakurai-san, offers Nino a smile just as he fishes something out from his bag. The appearance of the familiar, now painted red, bottle, almost makes Nino cry.

“Hello, Ninomiya-san,” Sakurai-san greets Nino with a smile that is both charming and boyish as he holds his hand out. Nino bows his head slightly and does the same, feeling Sakurai-san’s hand gripping Nino’s own for a firm but careful handshake.

“It is nice to finally meet you.”

*

He’s on his way to his last class when he spotted a group of students standing in the hallway pointing towards his direction. He walks past them hoping they wouldn’t bother him if he pretends not to notice them staring and pointing at him like he should care, even though he really, really shouldn’t.

He is rewarded for his efforts with more disappointment, because he hasn’t even gotten far when he heard his name being called out. He thought about ignoring that, too, but propriety says he shouldn’t.

Against his better judgment, he pivots to see who called his name, and stops.

It’s pretty boy, Matsumoto Jun. Nino wonders what he’s doing here and how it’s possible he knows Nino’s name, when all his mental inquiries are answered when Matsumoto stops and says, “You’re Ninomiya?”

Nino absently nods. “I got your message. We can be friends, but not right away. Do you like coffee?”

Nino nods again. “Good. Meet me at Donnie’s later, after class. We should…hang out. That okay with you?”

Nino nods again. “Cool. See you later.” And off he goes.

Nino blinks. What in hell just happened?



--- now ---

The conversation he had with Sho on the phone ended with him marching back to the office not only to get his keys, but also to inform their department secretary that he has to leave early. Minutes later, he’s riding the elevator down to basement parking, gets inside his car and sits there for a moment, trying to calm himself down, to breathe, despite the difficulty.

The past few hours feels entirely like a roller coaster of emotions, for him at least, yet Nino knows there would be more. There are questions he needs answered, but he’s pretty sure he won’t get all of them from Sho, or from Jun or Aiba, because even though they’re the ones that started this, it’s clear they have no intention of finishing it.

Sho was, at the very least, much helpful than the other two; he had gone straight to the point unlike Jun and Aiba who preferred to speak in riddles and thus making Nino’s headache worse in the process.

“The bottles didn’t end up in our hands by accident, Nino, and the three of us meeting you after we found it wasn’t, either.” Sho had uttered, voice low and serious, and if that’s not admission enough, Nino wonders what else it’s supposed to be.

It is only past two in the afternoon when he starts driving, already decided halfway where he’s going. He knows Ohno will be arriving later in the afternoon, so that means he has plenty of time to see the evidence for himself, if they are still there, just as Sho had hinted earlier.

But even if he doesn’t, Nino knows he has to talk to Ohno about so many things, and not just about this. It’s been years but he guesses he can’t really say that he’s been entirely truthful about his feelings, because, well, that’s not really the case here, is it? He knows it’s there, god knows he does, these feelings he’s kept to himself for so long, but, can they blame him?

His friendship with Ohno is important to him, for so many obvious reasons, and doing something careless, and stupid, that will certainly upset the status quo is not only worrying, but also somewhat downright terrifying. But it’s not just about that anymore, because he’s asked himself these questions so many times in the past and he knows the answers to them. The thing is…the thing about knowing exactly what he feels and doing something about it are two entirely different things, and Nino’s far too pragmatic to even consider the possibilities that he can have his cake and eat it too.

Right?

The implication is unmistakable though, because Nino is not stupid. He knows what his loudmouthed friends are talking about, what they’re referring to, but what he doesn’t get is why they’re doing it now. Is there a bigger reason why they’re saying this now, and not before?

They obviously got tons of things to talk about, and soon. But he has to take care of some things first, and right on top of his list is Ohno.

The thought makes Nino shiver, somehow.

Though it still frightens him, Nino knows there’s no way around this anymore, no way to avoid the issue and pretend it doesn’t exist, because it does. Like a train wreck waiting to happen, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. He’s wasted so many years, so many chances, to say what he really feels because he’s afraid of losing him. Somehow, it might even be possible that he isn’t the only one.

God, what an absolute fucking mess, and Nino knows it’s up to him now to fix this.

He’s going to have to be brave, and honest, and he hopes Ohno would be, too. A few hours of mental preparation might not be enough to ready himself, but he has to be. He wants to.

He owes Ohno this, too.

*

The thing about being friends with Jun is that he’s an absolute star at pissing Nino off. He’s great at finding the perfect timing to do it too. He’s driving past the Daimon Station when his phone starts vibrating, signaling a call.

“What is it now?” he grouses, with feelings, right after Jun said hello.

Jun doesn’t even sound the least bit offended. “Ease up, chief. You’re so stressed; maybe you should take a chill pill before you go see Ohno-san later. Just saying,”

Nino huffs. “I’m not stressed. And don’t tell me what to do,”

“Ah, but you’re not denying it, good to know,”

Nino feels his temple twitch. “I seriously don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,” he says.

“You’re a lying liar who lies, that’s what you are, Ninomiya,” Jun tells him; he sounded cheerful and very obviously basking on Nino’s misery, god damn him. “I know you’ve talked to Sho-san, and I also know you have left your office right after you talked to him so, I’m guessing you’re either on your way to murder someone, or you’re out on a mission to track the person responsible for your broken heart, which could only be either the three of us, or Ohno-san, obviously. So, which is it?”

There are seriously several offensive things in that sentence, but Nino’s brain chooses to focus on the one that probably doesn’t matter all that much right now. “How the hell did you know I’m no longer in the office? Are you saying you have paid someone there to spy on me, you creep?”

“What? Don’t flatter yourself too much, Nino. I just happened to call your office number right after I dialed your mobile number because you didn’t answer. Your secretary, that lovely woman said you left early.” Jun explains.

Nino feels like screaming. “You really need to stop doing that,” he grits.

Jun chuckles, softly, from the other end. “Nino, breathe. Breathe. I was just teasing you, okay? Just try to calm down, please. I know you’re upset, and I can’t really blame you. I mean, all of this feels like something that came right out of a bad romance movie. And unfortunately, we’re all a part of it, whether you like it or not,”

Nino snorts. “Tell me about it,” he says, mentally rolling his eyes at the absurdity of it all.

Jun laughs. “Oh, believe me, I wanted to. And not being able to tell you straight to your face everytime I tried to wasn’t easy. Watching you make a complete fool out of yourself because you thought no one would notice is hilarious as it’s heartbreaking, I swear.”

“And that should make me feel better now?” he counters, annoyed.

“I don’t suppose it should, especially if you think about all those fucking years you’ve wasted loving Ohno-san in secret,” Jun remarks, and Nino sputters, swearing colorfully under his breath. “What, you honestly think we didn’t know? You think you’re that good at hiding it? Well, to tell you the truth, Nino, you’re not. I won’t even be surprised to know that everyone knows it too, well, of course, except from the two of you.”

“Oh my god, Jun –“

“Exactly. And it wasn’t supposed to be this way, you know? Seriously. I mean, we’ve even devised a plan to help the two of you get together when Ohno-san came back from Italy, but you guys didn’t even give us a chance to make it happen. You remember? He’d only been back for a week when you told us that he’d been offered a job in Kyoto and was relocating there very soon,”

Nino doesn’t answer but he does remember it. He remembers all of it, really – the joy of having his best friend back, the shock of Ohno’s very sudden decision, and the accompanying pain of it when he realized Ohno wasn’t joking.

“What?”

“We were supposed to talk to you that time, believe me, but the timing just wasn’t right,” Jun muses, “We knew something must have happened because you were really upset, so, talking to you about it, and how the bottles have made their way to us during that time might not give us the results we were hoping for,”

Nino bristles. “So, what, you’re saying you’ve been working on letting me in on this secret for literally like, the whole time? Then, how come I have no idea about this until now? I don’t get it. I mean, if that plan didn’t work out then, why didn’t you tell me soon after? Like, a month later? Three months? Six? A year later? You have every opportunity to do this before, Jun, but you didn’t. And now you’re telling me I should do something about these stupid feelings I have for my best friend now, more than two decades too late? Don’t joke now..”

“Oh, but we did,” Jun counters, matter-of-factly. “but you were so stupid not to follow us instructions back then. You remember the box Sho-san told you about? It was the same one Ohno-san threw into the garbage the day before he was to leave for Kyoto, and the same one we’ve given you. We even told you to go through them, right, and for a very good reason. We were hoping you did, because that’s where you’d find everything. The answer to all of this, all the hints we hoped you needed to see for yourself, which you obviously didn’t, because, well, we’ve already established the fact that you’re an idiot, so there’s that. We really didn’t know what to do when you acted like the box’s contents meant nothing, so we thought that maybe, we were wrong. But I guess it’s clear now, huh? You didn’t check what was in the box, did you?”

Nino feels like hitting something. “No. No, I didn’t.” he grits.

“Yeah, we guessed as much. We only realized our mistake a couple of years ago when we saw you two again, together,”

Nino cleared his throat. “What do you mean?”

Jun chuckles, amused and so, so fond. “Nino, we thought you didn’t care, okay? So, we let it go. But then we saw you two together, and somehow, things just clicked into place. Your reaction, Ohno-san’s too. It was kind of painful, watching you two together. You didn’t see the way he looked at you, Nino, and I’m guessing it’s the same way for him too. You were both so busy masking your affection toward each other that you both didn’t notice they’re there.”

Jun inhales deeply before he continued. “Is it our fault? Probably. Do we regret how things turned out between the two of you? Of course. Though, we can’t really say for certain what would have happened if you found out about this back then. I mean, seeing how immature you were? I bet you’d have said so many things that would have ended your friendship with Ohno-san for good.”

“So, you’re saying that it could be fate or whatever shit this is, that I didn’t find out about this idiocy back then? Or is that simply your way of saying ‘I know I fucked up, but this is me doing my best to make up for it now’?”

“Oh, that sounds kind of romantic, but, no, and no, to answer both your questions.” Jun quips.

“I swear to god I’m going to punch you in the face the next time I see you, you jerk.”

“Well, maybe I’ll let you, but just this once,” Jun says, “because I get it, yes, I deserve it. The same way you deserve to be happy, so, whatever it is you’re planning, do your best! When you see him, please try to avoid acting like a homicidal freak and just, I don’t know, talk to him? He might still deny a lot of things but I hope you’ll be smart enough to see through the lies this time around. Don’t let him get away with it again, Nino. You might not get another chance after this,”

The way this conversation ended up in is overwhelming as it is confusing. But Nino can totally relate, because, isn’t this what he was planning?

“I…What if I can’t? What if it’s too late, and what if he doesn’t –“ love me anymore, he wants to say, but the words don’t come when they want them to. So he tries again. “What if he’s not -” really in love with me?, remains unsaid.

God, he’s hopeless.

“He does, Nino,” Jun declares, confident in a way that Nino is not. “He is. Believe me on this, okay. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m sure you’ll see it yourself when you get there I know you will, Nino.” Jun reassures him, and somehow, Nino finds himself believing Jun despite himself.

*

He reached his apartment about half an hour later, and the first thing he did after he’d let himself in was to find the box Ohno allegedly left (or thrown away) behind before he’d moved to Kyoto. It is thankfully, where he’d left it –in the closet in his bedroom, carefully stocked away behind his extra beddings and pillow cases.

He digs it out of its hiding and carries it to bed, takes the cover off and starts going through its contents. If he remembers it correctly, the box contains various artworks; maybe books and other stuff he didn’t exactly paid extra attention to at the time. He had been so upset to even want to, as he just kind of took a quick peek on whatever was on top that he could see and sealed it off again.

But as he is carefully unearthing the contents from inside the box and onto the bed, he realized that there are more. They’re artworks, alright; from tiny clay figurines to odd sketches, some are drawn on the pages of Ohno’s own notebooks, probably during boring classes; there are birthday cards too, some postcards, and post-it notes (because Ohno tends to be forgetful when he’s busy with a project), and, as Sho had mentioned earlier, the remaining two bottles identical to the ones Ohno had allegedly handed over to Sho, Aiba and Jun, (but only in different colors) two weeks before Ohno’s scheduled trip to Florence.

Nino had no idea they were here in the first place, in his possession all along, and seeing them now makes the regretful feeling in Nino’s chest worse. The sight of them makes him pause, and as he swallows through the lump in his throat, he remembers, somehow.

The days he spent in Ohno’s room for what seemed like hours on end, the many times he’d been there, just sitting around watching Ohno and keeping him company. The memory aches like a permanent heartbreak, and Nino finds himself biting back the urge to cry and smiles around it instead.

He takes the two bottles out and sets them down, inspects them carefully as though it’s the first time he’s seeing them. These two are painted yellow and blue, he thinks, but unlike the other three that are in Sho, Aiba and Jun’s possession, these two are designed with two identical faces, heads, to be precise, drawn over the front. Looking at one of the bottles, however, Nino realized it’s a black man’s head. What stand out, however, is the silly-looking headbands they’re wearing, the other one is red, while the other is blue. On both the yellow and blue bottles, and under the intricately drawn faces, are names Nino recognized instantly.

Yuuji and Taka

The silly nicknames he and Ohno used to call each other with back in high school.

The ache in Nino’s chest returns tenfold, as he stares at the drawn faces trying his best not to cry.

Swallowing hard, he grips the yellow bottle and twists the cap open, quickly peeks inside and wills his fingers not to shake as he flips the bottle upside down and watches the paper as it slides out from inside the bottle and onto the bed.

He reaches down and takes the paper in between his trembling fingers, unfolds it, and starts reading.

He’s sobbing when he finally puts the paper down, regretting all the things he could have said and done, but didn’t.

God, they were right. He is an idiot.

*

The drive to the train station was nerve-wracking, and Nino was honestly afraid he would end up getting himself into an accident and dying before he could even talk to Ohno. The text he’d sent his best friend fifteen minutes prior was vague and possibly all kinds of stupid, but it seemed like Ohno understood it anyway.

To make things easier for everyone involved, he’d told Ohno he was coming to the station to pick him up. And because it’s Ohno, he declined. But to Nino’s insistence, he caved in in the end.

That brings Nino here, now, in the basement parking of Ikebukuro Station, inside his car and sweating like a common criminal. His palms are sweaty around their grip on the steering wheel, and there’s this cold knot forming at the bottom of his stomach every damn minute that passes by.

His phone vibrates where he’s stashed it on the dashboard, startling him. He laughs as he reaches for it, feeling rather silly for acting like a nervous teenager meeting his crush.

The message is, as expected, from Ohno. It reads, I’m here. Getting off the elevator now. See you in a bit.

Get it together, Ninomiya, he tells himself, willing himself not to shake at the prospect of letting some decades old secret out hoping he’s not about to make the biggest mistake of his life by doing so.

*

It took Ohno about ten minutes to find Nino’s car, and during the interim, Nino has contemplated between driving off and hitting himself repeatedly in the face for even thinking it. The memory of seeing the bottles earlier reminds him yet again of what he’s about to do, and just the thought of it is enough to terrify him out of his wits.

Can he really do this?

He’s still mostly hyperventilating when a knock on the passenger’s side door snatched him out of his reverie and he turns, finding Ohno waving at him from outside.

Nino’s heart flips once, then again, when Ohno tilts his head and smiles. God, how could he be so blind for not seeing this? For even thinking he’s good at hiding his feelings when it’s obvious to everyone with functioning eyes, aside from him and Ohno, apparently, that he’s anything but?

He bites back the urge to flee and gestures Ohno in instead. He watches as Ohno pulls the passenger door open, smiles, and effectively making Nino’s heartbeat accelerates at the sight of it, feels the way his own lips curl helplessly in return as he watches Ohno settles on the seat next to him right after he’s thrown the bag he’s carrying into the backseat.

When Ohno turned around, he’s grinning, and Nino doesn’t even hesitate when he reaches over to pull Ohno in, hugging the other man tightly.

“Missed me?” Ohno teases, but for once, Nino is not laughing. He doesn’t know what to say either; he just nods and pushes his face into the crook of Ohno’s neck, and breathes.

*

Nino knows he should have planned this better, but everything seems easier in his head than in reality, because now that he has Ohno here, sitting next to him in the car, his brain and his mouth wouldn’t cooperate.

Maybe he could start by explaining why he suddenly decided to come and pick Ohno up, but Ohno beats him to it.

“Nino, are you okay?”

“Huh?”

He spies Ohno from the rearview mirror, shaking his head. Nino must look kind of silly to warrant that reaction, and Nino finds himself chuckling too despite himself.

“Something wrong?”

He shakes his head. “I’m fine, Oh-chan,” he says, keeping his eyes on the road even though all he wants is to keep looking at Ohno. “Just…it’s been a long day, I guess.”

“I get that,” Ohno says; he’s smiling like he knows exactly how Nino feels, and probably because he does. He’s wonderful like that, Nino surmises with a smile of his own.

“Are you hungry? How about we have dinner somewhere? My treat.” Ohno adds; in other times, Nino won’t be caught refusing such kind offer, but

Nino swallows the lump in his throat as he turns to Ohno. “I have a better idea, Oh-chan. I swear it’s cheaper, too,”

“Eh, what do you mean?”

“Just sit tight and leave it to me, okay?”

Ohno doesn’t answer and simply pats Nino’s knee in silent agreement.

*

To Ohno’s credit, he didn’t even comment on the fact that Nino’s driving way past the direction of the hotel he’s supposed to check into, and remains uncharacteristically quiet even when it’s obvious that he noticed the direction they’re heading to. He still doesn’t say anything when Nino drove the car into the parking area of Nino’s apartment building, quiet still even when Nino pulled the car over and kills the engine.

Nino held back in explaining himself, and instead gestures Ohno out of the car. Ohno is still not saying anything as he retrieves his bag from where he’s thrown it earlier and follows Nino out. Nino waits until Ohno is close enough to press the elevator’s button going up, and very carefully avoids looking at their reflection on the door as it slides open.

Nino steps in, hoping Ohno would do the same.

Ohno does, and somehow, the action speaks louder than any words they’re both capable of at the moment, as Nino turns to face the closing door, smiles when Ohno presses the number to Nino’s floor without being prompted.

He inhales deeply to compose himself, and hopes for the best.

*

The silence is deafening when they step inside, and the tension is so palpable Nino can literally taste it in the air he’s breathing as he walks the rest of the way inside, hearing Ohno’s footsteps not far behind. He turns the lights on on his way inside and hears the telltale sound of Ohno’s bag hitting the floor. He ignores that for now and goes straight to the direction of the kitchen to grab them both something to drink, beers as Ohno prefers it, and comes back out to the sight of Ohno inspecting the contents of the box Nino had purposely left there on the low table in the middle of his living room.

Interestingly, Ohno doesn’t seem all that surprised finding it there. But he can’t really say for certain; Ohno has a knack for making himself look disinterested when in fact it’s the complete opposite.

Their gazes catch then, and Nino balks at the solemn look on Ohno’s face. He wills himself to keep walking despite the urge to run, and sets the beer down on the table trying to avoid looking at Ohno entirely. Ohno is still standing awkwardly in the middle of Nino’s living room, and Nino makes it easier for him to decide where to sit by settling there on the floor.

He grabs one of the beer cans he brought with him and pushes the other one on the opposite side of the table, eyeing Ohno contemplatively. Ohno sighs and hesitates only a moment before he’s rounding to the opposite side, and copying Nino’s position there on the floor.

“We can have dinner now, if you want,” he offers, before taking a quick swig of his beer and watching Ohno do the same. “If you’re hungry, that is.”

Ohno puts his beer can down and focuses his gaze on him. “Maybe later,” Ohno says, “You want to talk to me about something else first, Nino?” he asks, staring pointedly at the box.

Nino feels his pulse race as he squares his shoulders and looks Ohno in the eyes. He can feel his fingers shake around the can as he puts it down.

“Yes,” he murmurs under his breath; shifting on his knees, he grabbing the box two-handedly, and setting it down next to him on the floor. “This,” he says, and picks the first thing he sees.

On the paper is a detailed sketch of a dog; Nino would bet it’s the one he owned a very long time ago.

“It’s Haru-chan, isn’t it?” he turns the paper around for Ohno to see.

The nostalgia in Ohno’s eyes hit Nino like a crashing wave; it’s beautiful and heartbreaking to witness, knowing he could be the cause of it.

“He’s…cute,” is what Ohno says, as if it should explain why he’d felt like drawing Nino’s dog decades earlier and keeping it a secret.

“The cutest,” he agrees readily with a smile. “I didn’t know you have a drawing of him from when he was alive, though.”

Ohno doesn’t answer, but the way he’s darted his gaze away from Nino’s face speaks volume. The gesture didn’t escape Nino’s attention; it makes him wonder, somehow, if it is acceptable to skip the talking part now and just crawl his way to where Ohno is, folds himself around the other man and never let go, but he can’t do that now, can he?

“Right. Well, I guess you do now,” Ohno remarks, contritely; the ache in Nino’s chest doubles on its own.
“But I didn’t, before,” he points out, “And it seems like there are so many other things about you and me that I didn’t know about.”

Ohno is looking at him as if he’s contemplating leaving or saying something he knows he might regret later. Both are kind of disconcerting because just looking at Ohno now makes Nino feel like he’s doing this the wrong way. It’s kind of terrifying, to be honest.

“You want to talk about that now? Really?” Ohno looks skeptic, but he sounds hopeful, somehow. Nino honestly doesn’t know what to make of it.

Nino plucks the yellow-painted bottle from the box and sets it on the table. “We could have, years ago, but you didn’t give me the chance. You left before I could even say anything.” he bites out, but he’s certain the venom he’s expected to hear in his voice is missing. It’s only laced with pain now, regret even more so.

Ohno looks unimpressed and he’s smiling like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You want me to believe that?”

Nino nods. “It’s the truth,”

Ohno shakes his head. “The truth is you don’t know what you’re saying, Nino,” Ohno says, frowning hard. “And you can’t use my decision to leave Tokyo as an excuse because that’s just…that’s just stupid. You could have talked to me about this before, or even after I left,“ Ohno pauses to eye the bottle Nino’s set on the table , “if you wanted to, of course. Don’t you think it’s a little too late for us to be discussing this now? It’s been what, almost a decade since–“

“I could have, yes, but so could you,” he says, “Remember, it was you who took the easy way out and ran, when you could have just talked to me.”

“And you’re saying you would have understood?” Ohno returns, laughing mirthlessly. “Don’t joke now, Nino.”

He chuckles, feeling slightly affronted. “I’m not just saying it,” he says, pursing his lips. “And I know I would have. God, we’ve known each other for how many years then, Oh-chan; couldn’t you have trusted me enough to talk to me first before you decide I wasn’t worth the effort and left the first chance you got?”

Ohno’s lips twitch and he looks somewhat apologetic. “It was what I thought was best for the both of us at the time,” Ohno says.

“For you, maybe,” Nino counters, and this time, he knows it’s the frustration talking. “But you shouldn’t have made the decision for me then, Oh-chan. You don’t know how hard it was for me when you left,” he says. The remark seems to throw Ohno off, for some reason.

Ohno purse his lips. “That’s…a lie, isn’t it?”

Nino shakes his head. “I never lied to you,” This is the hardest part, he thinks; explaining himself and the facts that brought them here, to this moment. “The same way I would never have lied about not having the slightest idea of what you felt for me back then, because if I did –“ he says, but Ohno cuts him off quickly.

“How do you expect me to believe that when you had that box with you all along?” Ohno says, sounding hurt and equal-parts bitter. “And that bottle, too.”

“I’m not expecting you to, but I’m telling the truth. I had no idea, Oh-chan, because I did not check the contents of this box when I received this back then. I only checked it this afternoon, when Sho-chan asked me to,”

Ohno opens his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He reiterates by shaking his head and mumbling a quiet, “And that should explain why you never bothered checking it?”

“I planned to, but I told myself I’ll do it after I’m done being mad at you,” he says, and the look on Ohno’s face tells Nino he remembers that time too, after Ohno’s very sudden relocation to Kyoto, when they didn’t talk with each other for months. “But then stuff happened and I got busy. I completely forgot about it until a little while ago when Sho-chan and Jun-kun mentioned it,”

“I don’t even know how that box ended up here, with you, when it’s supposed to be long gone. I threw that in the garbage the day before I was supposed to leave for Kyoto,” Ohno says.

“Yeah, that was what Jun-kun told me. Apparently, one of them three idiots saw you threw this out; they said they waited until you’re gone before they retrieved it, and then handed it over to me hoping it would fix things between us, which didn’t happen, obviously, because I was stupid,” he counters, unperturbed.

Then, with all the courage he could muster, he asks, “Why would you do that, Oh-chan?”

Ohno looks decidedly pissed. “Do what, throw it away? Well, you know the answer to that already,”

“I don’t, that’s why I’m asking you,”

Ohno falls quiet after that, and Nino honestly wonders what he is thinking.

“It doesn’t matter now anyway,” Ohno says, as he settles his gaze on the bottle and leaves it there. Nino wonders if it’s so he doesn’t have to keep looking at Nino, and be reminded of the things he’d rather forget.

“Things happened, end of story. Bringing the past back won’t change anything, you and I both know it.”

“Discussing it might help improve the status of the present, don’t you agree?” he mutters, barely resisting the urge to turn away when Ohno’s gaze zeroes in on him. Nino takes a deep breath, lets it out, if only to try and calm that agonizing knot settling at the pit of his stomach.

Ohno doesn’t answer. Nino heaves a sigh and decides to change tactics instead.

“The message you put inside that bottle, did you mean it?” he asks. The message is still inside, where it spent the last decade hiding. Nino’s memorized every line, every word, and wonders if it’s enough.

Ohno tilts his head but says nothing. It’s honestly driving Nino insane, trying to interpret the gestures, the non-verbal answers. “Satoshi, please,”

Ohno simply makes a noncommittal shrug. “As I said, it doesn’t matter –“

“But it does, Oh-chan,” he cuts in, and he knows he may sound and look desperate now, but he doesn’t mind. “It does, because I swear to you I would have told you the exact same thing many years ago if I knew I wasn’t the only one,” he confesses, swallowing bitterly. “But I was scared, too, you know? I was afraid if I said anything, you’d leave. So, I kept my mouth shut and said nothing, but the end result was still the same,”

Is this how he’d imagined it would go? How it would end? Is this the reason why he was so afraid to admit his feelings, even to himself, because he knew the possibility of it ruining everything is there from the very beginning?

“Don’t,” Ohno hisses, but it only sounded forced, and breathless. “Don’t you dare…” Ohno whispers, and Nino’s heart aches at the sight of him. His pain mirrors that of Ohno’s own, that it’s getting increasingly difficult to pretend and act brave in the face of such heartbreak.

“I know, Oh-chan,” he whispers, and he knows his voice is shaking too, but he so doesn’t mind. There’s nothing else he wants more than to be honest, for Ohno to understand that he’d suffered too. But this is him trying to make it right, if Ohno will let him. “But, if I ask you to, just this once…will you hear me out?” he asks, more like begs, without breaking their gazes.

The expression on Ohno’s face takes in a new meaning, and Nino braves the consequences by crawling on all fours to where Ohno is, taking the bottle with him and almost knocking his half-empty can of beer down in haste. He’s close enough when he stops, kneels in front of his best friend as he holds the bottle out, his other hand taking Ohno’s own and guiding Ohno’s fingers around it. It shakes in their grip, and Nino swears his entire existence shakes with it, too.

Ohno seems so, so lost, small and vulnerable, miserable and equal-parts regretful, that Nino can’t stand to look.

“I need to say this to you honestly,” he murmurs, and swallows past the lump in his throat. Ohno’s eyes are huge in his face, and he looks terrified, too. Nino tightens his grip around his arm and sidles closer, breathes, breathes. He can do this.

“I know this is decades too late, and it’s my fault for not saying it sooner, but you have to know that you’re wrong,” he whispers, “It’s not just you, okay? It’s never been just you,” his breath hitch on each word spoken, but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t mind, not anymore. This close, Ohno looks – caught, cornered, maybe a little scared; he’s breathing harshly like he’s run for miles, and Nino’s heart aches at the sight of him.

“I’ve loved you just as much, Oh-chan,”

*
Ohno is biting his lips and he looks like he’s seconds away from crying, but at least he hasn’t pushed Nino away just yet. He also hasn’t comment on Nino’s very unexpected confession, and Nino wonders whether he should be glad or terrified or both.

“I…waited until you return from Italy to…to talk to you,” he admits, distracted at the way his fingers dance across Ohno’s skin, around his wrist.

“But I never got to. Your decision to move to Kyoto took me by surprise. I…I was so upset that I decided not to call you or even attempt to contact you for months, you remember?” he adds.

Ohno’s gaze is dark and unwavering, and it makes Nino feel warm so suddenly. Ohno looks like he’s considering things, probably thinking what he could and couldn’t say. Nino hopes he could tell him he doesn’t mind; he’ll be glad to hear anything from Ohno at this point, really.

“I left when I realized you’re in a relationship with those guys. I…I thought I could stay and be happy for you, but obviously, I couldn’t. That’s why I came up with the idea of telling you there was a job offer, even though there wasn’t.” Ohno says in one go.

Unfortunately, Nino’s brain is still trying to catch up with it, filtering everything except the part where Ohno suspected him being in a relationship with several people.

What. The. Actual. Hell? “Which guys?” he inquires, feeling slightly hysterical and wondering if it’s acceptable to punch one’s best friend in the face for being so fucking stupid.

“Aiba-san, Sakurai-san and Matsumoto-san,” Ohno answers.

Woah. “What?!”

“I even saw Aiba-san kissing you one time –“

“That’s a harmless kiss!” he insists, half-hoping Aiba is here so he can punch him too. “Very harmless, I’m telling you. He does that all the time, that asshole, but it doesn’t mean… oh my god, are you saying…Oh, is that why you left? Because you think I’m a whore? And here I thought you knew me better than anyone, Oh-chan,” he says, disbelieving, torn between laughing out loud and punching something. Very hard. Jesus fucking Christ. “Are you even serious? Me and those three? In a relationship? Can you even hear yourself right now? Fuck, I’ll just stay celibate for the rest of my pathetic life, I swear!”

Ohno sure looks like he can’t believe what he’s hearing either. There’s a hint of a smile forming on his lips, and Nino’s fingers itch to touch it, feel it bloom into a full-blown, charming one under his hand.

“That wasn’t how it looked like to me at the time,” Ohno murmurs, very softly, his expression softening, too.

“Obviously, because you’re stupid,” he mutters, with feelings. “As I said, you could have just talked to me. Instead, you decide to throw away our chance to be happy, together, and ran to where I couldn’t follow you,”

“Don’t be silly, it’s just Kyoto, you know,”

Nino snorts. “And it’s still far from Tokyo, shut up,” he grunts with a frown, then smiles when Ohno chuckles as he sidles closer. “Hey, so, can I ask you something? It’s important,” he says.

Ohno shrugs. “Ask away,”

Nino grins; he feels all kinds of ridiculous as he lets his hand travel upward, from Ohno’s forearm to his shoulder, up to settle against the nape of his neck.

“So, I already told you I love you,” he whispers, and it’s ridiculous, because he’s grinning so wide and making his move, kneeling up until they’re almost nose to nose.

“Hmmm,”

“Is this the part where you tell me the ship has sailed and that we can’t be together anymore, because, that would truly suck, if you ask me,” he asks, his heart too full he could hardly speak. But he trusts Ohno to understand, feels Ohno’s arm worming around his waist from behind to pull him closer.

“You’re a jerk,” Ohno whispers, breathless, and pulls him in until he has no choice but to move with Ohno, sitting on his lap and very subtly try not to go cross-eyed at the way their fit so perfectly like this. Ohno’s hand settle across the small of Nino’s back, and the warmth is both reassuring and arousing. Nino finds himself ducking to nuzzle Ohno’s cheek, his temple, the bridge of Ohno’s nose as he presses closer, and closer still.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, touching Ohno’s cheek.

“And I don’t really know why I stayed in love with you,” Ohno says, and it’s a confession as much as it is everything Nino hopes to hear. A promise, too. “I mean, it's kind of absurd, if you think about it,” Ohno breathes.

“You don’t have to sound so miserable,” he teases.

Ohno narrows his eyes, feigning hurt. “You’re one to talk,” he says, but the way his arms tighten around Nino says otherwise. “You sounded pretty miserable yourself, you know?”

“It’s kind of hard, falling in love with an idiot,”

“Agreed,” Ohno laughs. Nino feels the knot in his stomach loosening at the sound of it, and in its place, something else settles.

Something that feels entirely like happiness and relief, rolled into one. Maybe even more.

He leans forward to rest their foreheads together, and smiles until his face hurts. “Just shut up and kiss me, Oh-chan,” he bites out without heat. It’s an invitation and a plea.

Ohno chuckles and worms a hand across the back of Nino’s neck, tugs Nino’s face down for a kiss. It’s soft and gentle, almost chaste, and everything Nino’s expected their first kiss to be.

Then Ohno makes a noise of approval from the back of his throat and Nino kind of tilts his head for a better fit, thus deepening the kiss.

There’s the second one. And it’s already so much better.

Nino’s certain the third will be phenomenal.

He can’t wait.

Comments

[reveetoile]

This story was adorable. Nino and Ohno are both a bit hopeless that they never talked about it outright but luckily they have friends who are making all things right (even if a bit late XD) So cute. Thank you for sharing. I loved this story

[satoyan]

Ahh, a sweeping story over many years, with supremely tangled emotions to suit. Also, I love the idea with the colored bottles, that's so fun! I'm glad that Nino and Ohno figured it out, finally, and that hopefully from now on they will be better at communicating~ It makes me happy they're together. Thank you for sharing! ♥

[gomushroom]

What a story filled with misunderstandings and concealed emotions. Oh, Nino <3 I really like the story pace and how things are unraveling slowing, because I was also asking what's their problem and then it slowly clears up The color bottles was so great, and it's such a simple one but at the end they stay friends for a decade. Ohno!Artist is always <3! And i'm glad things cleared up at the end, for them to start again with what they have now. Thank you for this <3

[daisukidesu3]

Leave it to Ohmiya to simultaneously be way off base and on the same page. Only them. Seriously. Lol. Glad they finally figured things out.

😊💙💛

[jkc80]

Far out those two.... wasting decades.... I love the whore part lol