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ninoexchange2020-06-18 11:35 pm
nino_mod) wrote in ninoexchange2020-06-18 11:35 pm
Entry tags:
fic for sky_fish7!
For: sky_fish7
From: :3.
Title: From Where I Had Left Off
Pairing/Focus: Sakumiya (Sho’s POV)
Rating: R (warnings: mental illness, hospitals/clinics)
Word Count: 10,000+
Summary: Sho is a “worn-out” salaryman who has nothing to look forward to in his boring life until he encounters a street performer named Nino at a park he often goes to. Following his psychologist’s advice, Sho takes a day off from work. He sees Nino again at the same place and, mustering all his courage, he asks Nino out.
Notes: Hi, Sky_Fish! Originally I was supposed to go the supernatural route but RL got in the way. So instead I went with your Work AU, which I hope you don’t mind. Special thanks to my beta-reader and also to the mods. Cheers.
Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going—
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.
Those were the written words of a dying man, Kozan Ichikyo. To turn the dreadful into something beautiful, Sho admired that. He longed for it.
“Sakurai-san?” He heard the secretary call out his name.
Sho gently closed the book in his hands and stood up from his seat. The secretary escorted him inside his psychologist’s office. He was delighted to see the clean lavender-painted walls as always.
“Good afternoon, Matsumoto-sensei,” Sho greeted. Matsumoto was at his desk, fixing and organizing some papers, probably looking for Sho’s file.
“Good afternoon, Sakurai-san,” Matsumoto said, as soon as their eyes met. “Have a seat.” He gestured his hand to the lone wingback chair which faced Matsumoto’s desk. Sho sat on it and settled himself down, holding onto the book and placing it on his lap. He had visited Matsumoto many times already, but the view from his seat still gave him the chills. The chair’s curved back restricted him from looking to his sides, leaving Sho with no other choice but to look at the man in front of him.
Matsumoto took out a red folder and opened it. “So, how’s your day?” Matsumoto asked while adjusting his glasses. “Did anything happen at work?”
“Just the same old stuff,” Sho said.
“Any recent burnouts?”
“No.”
Jun hummed. “That’s good,” He said. “At least you’re coping with that.” Matsumoto then smiled. Sho mirrored it. “What’s that you’re holding?”
Sho looked down at the book on his lap. “I brought a book to read while waiting.” He told him.
“May I see?”
Sho caressed the edges of the pages with his fingertips. Matsumoto stared at him, bringing forth his hand to taunt him.
Sho let out a sigh, giving in to Jun’s silent demand, and gave him the book. “Death poems?” Matsumoto eyed at him with a raised eyebrow.
“I-It’s not what you think,” Sho said, averting his eyes. He could hear the psychologist flip the book open, scanning each page one by one. “I just really love the poems…” Sho mumbled.
Once he had finished skimming it, Matsumoto closed the book and returned it to Sho. “Other than work, what else have you done for the past month?” He asked.
“Uh…”
“Excluding reading and buying new books.”
Sho pressed his lips and went into deep thought. Other than books and work, what else did he do? “I tried to bake,” He then said. “But, it all got burned in the end.”
“Was there anything else that interested you?” Jun pressed the button of his ball pen a few times with his thumb.
Sho lowered his gaze, which landed on the book of death poems once again. Books were his comfort zone. He loved to get absorbed in the contents of it, drowning into people’s ideologies and the worlds that they shaped. Characters were also essential. Sometimes, he deemed them to be actual people and vice-versa. Then, a memory rekindled in his mind. “Well, I saw this guy,” Sho said. “He’s a musician who performs near the train station to my office.”
“Okay; could you elaborate on that?” Matsumoto said. “Did you become friends with him?”
“No, I just see him every day, before and after work.” He said.
Jun gave a nod.
“He was… fascinating, Matsumoto-sensei.”
Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smile. The psychologist put down his pen. “Is he your type?” He asked with a rather playful tone compared to his serious voice earlier.
“I don’t know,” Sho said. “I can’t say he is yet. But that’s what I feel about him.”
Sho remembered clearly the moment he first saw the guy. He was making his way back home from the office, walking on his route to the train station, his eyes glued to the ground, looking at his own feet. At some point, he had bumped into someone, uttering a groan. “Sorry,” Sho immediately said. Raising his head, he noticed the crowd encircled near a light post. The sound of strummed strings of a guitar reached his ears, drawing him closer to where it came from.
Sho went around the crowd, trying to find a good spot. Once he did, he stood still, staring. Delicate fingers held onto the guitar effortlessly. His pale skin seemed to pop out against his dark clothing. A sweet melody fell from his thin lips; it had touched Sho’s heart—Sho’s soul.
Sho stayed and listened for an hour. He couldn’t help but gaze at the musician’s beauty. Despite his disheveled hair and tattered clothing, the man was breath-taking; a refreshing oasis. Normally, Sho wouldn’t notice people of that kind, but on that night, he became a changed man.
The musician’s name was Nino. Sho learned that as he read the board leaning onto Nino’s guitar case. Also written on the board was his reason for playing; to provide for his sick mother. Before he left, Sho took out a bill and placed inside the box right in front of Nino’s feet. At that moment, their eyes met. Sho could clearly see the hazel hue of Nino’s eyes. The musician simply gave a smile. “Thank you,” He said, bowing his head. There were very simple words but they were instilled in Sho’s heart and mind. Since then, there was not a day when Sho wouldn’t notice Nino, every morning before going to work and every night after that.
“If you say he’s that interesting, I suggest you, at least, break the ice maybe?” Jun said.
“Break the ice… but, he’s a stranger.”
Matsumoto chuckled. “Aren’t we all strangers when we first met?”
“I get that, but, I can’t just talk to him.”
“Then at least greet him or something.”
Sho sighed. “Well, you know me.”
“Of course I do, that’s my job. You can do it. I know you can… Anyway, although your medication has been very effective and since you’re doing well, I would still advise you to take a break from work.”
“A break?”
“Yes. At least for one day, that’s all I ask of you.”
Sho clenched his fingers onto his book once again.
“Is there something important coming up that’s making you this anxious?”
“None…” Even if there was, Sho wouldn’t be interested.
“Alright; I’ll be seeing you after a month, right?”
Sho nodded and stood up from his seat.
“Promise?”
“I promise,” Sho replied.
“Don’t let that kind of stuff get into your head, alright?” Matsumoto said, pertaining to the book Sho held.
“I won’t.” Sho then turned away and went to the door, holding the doorknob.
“Take care, Sakurai-san.”
Sho couldn’t say anything back. He swung the door open, and just like that, he left the clinic.
***
Sho rose up from his chair as he shut down his computer. He had just finished re-organizing the papers he needed and relocating those which seemed unnecessary. He packed up his bag and switched off the lamp on his desk. He rested his hands on the smooth wooden surface which he had known for almost a decade. It was a hard decision for him to make, but he finally heeded to Matsumoto’s advice. Although it was only for one day, it was difficult for him to set him apart from his usual lifestyle. For him to leave an hour earlier than usual tonight had caused a stir within him.
Sho went out of his room, closing the door behind him. He had bid farewell to his colleagues while walking down the hall to the elevator. He pressed the down button and as he waited for the elevator to arrive, he is called by a familiar voice.
“Sakurai-san,”
Sho turned around and there stood a tall fellow behind him.
“Oh, Aiba-kun,” Sho said. “You’re leaving early too?”
Aiba let out a little laugh, his hand scratching his brown hair. “I always leave at 8 pm, Sakurai-san.” He remarked.
Sho chuckled back. “Ah, is that so?” He then looked down at his feet. “I never noticed…”
The elevator doors slide open and the two went inside. Aiba pressed the button to the ground level for Sho, who mumbled his thanks. “I heard you’ll be taking a leave tomorrow, is that true?” Aiba asked.
Sho nodded. “Yes, it is.”
“Why’s that, if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked. “I hope you’re alright. You’re not sick or something, aren’t you?”
“Not really…” Sho had never disclosed to anyone about his condition. He didn’t think of it as necessary. “I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“That’s good. Well, I hope you enjoy your day off, Sakurai-san. You’ve always worked overtime; I always see you so absorbed in what you do. It’s very remarkable for me. I guess you could say that I admire you.”
Although the uttered words were supposed to please him, Sho couldn’t bring himself to smile. To be looked up to by a junior for what he does didn’t seem right. It was nothing to be proud of at all.
“Thank you, Aiba-kun,” He said. “I really appreciate that.”
The doors open again and Sho stepped out of the elevator.
“See you tomorrow—ah! I mean, see you the day after tomorrow, Sakurai-san!” Aiba said with a wide-toothed grin.
“Yeah, see you.” He said and the doors closed shut.
The streets were crowded as always. Sho pushed himself through his way to the train station. Halfway there, he came to a standstill, his ears hearing the vibrating sound of a guitar string. Sho spotted the young musician again, sitting at the same spot he always occupied. It appeared that the musician had just come back, preparing for his performance tonight by tuning his guitar. Sho wasn’t in a hurry to go home, so he went up to him. As always, he took out some money and placed it inside the box.
Their eyes met once again. This time Nino’s gaze lingered much longer at him like there was a spark of familiarity in them. Butterflies fluttered inside Sho’s stomach when he caught a glimpse of Nino’s smile. His feet were stuck on the pavement. What could he say to such a person?
“Um, do you do requests?” Sho asked.
“Yeah, sure,” Nino said. “What song do you want me to play?”
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You.”
Nino simply nodded. “Alright, I can do that.”
Sho turned around on his heels to distance himself from Nino and finding a good spot before the performance started. His mind was scrambling. Of all the songs he could think of, that was the first thing that popped in his mind. Moreover, it’s in English! He didn’t take consideration if Nino knew the lyrics well or not.
A few minutes later, Nino started playing some chords. At once, Sho recognized that it was the song he requested. Nino had a fairly good English pronunciation to his surprise. Many were attracted to the beautiful voice and soon, a crowd gathered around him. Some even sang along with Nino. It was a special moment for Sho to witness and to be a part of.
Nino performed the whole night until nine. By that time, the crowd had dispersed and Nino was already packing his things to get on his way home. Sho stayed behind and was observing the musician. Although he had done his deed, there was still dissatisfaction within him.
“Excuse me,” Sho said as he approached Nino. The musician looked up at him with wide eyes. “I just want to say thank you for playing my song tonight.”
“Ah, no problem,” Nino said. “You’re welcome.” His thin lips curved into a smile.
Sho could feel his face turn into a pink blossom. “My name’s Sakurai Sho,” He said.
“Ninomiya Kazunari; hence, Nino for short. It’s nice to meet you, Sakurai-san.”
For a moment, Sho’s heart had stopped. He found it hard to believe that Nino, with that sweet voice of his which sang wondrous melodies, spoke out his name. There was a rush of emotion that went over him from head to toe. It was hard for him to process. He was like a fish out of water, exposed on the dry land. It all felt wrong.
“What’s with that look?” Nino asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“I- I- I’ll be going now,” Sho said and took a few steps back. “I’m sorry!” He said, and at once, turned away, going into a sprint.
Sho buried his face into the yellowed pages of the book he held in his hands. He loved the musky odor which tickled his brain nerves. The bookstore was his second home, but in a few minutes he would need to leave for it was almost closing time.
Sho brought himself upfront to the counter, placing the book on the wooden surface. The cashier with his sleepy-looking eyes took it and scanned the barcode at the back. The man’s name was Ohno, as it said on his nametag.
“We have some new releases. Would you be interested in taking a look?” Ohno asked.
“Ah… No, I’ll just buy this.”
He then gave a nod. “Very well,” Ohno put the book inside a recycled paper bag and gave it to Sho. “Thank you very much! Hope to see you again, Sakurai-san.”
Sho was taken aback by the sound of his name. Ohno wore a gentle smile and gave a slight bow before Sho went on his way out of the store.
This wasn’t the first time this had occurred. Of course, it was expected, since Sho frequented the bookstore. Sometimes Ohno would do some small talk like asking how his day went and such. Sho didn’t mind the conversations, what he did mind was the fact that Ohno knew him—his name, his face—which scared him.
Sho went upstairs to his apartment, with each step emitting a creaking sound. By the time he had reached his front door, he pulled out his keys and opened it. He rushed to his room, placing the book he bought on his desk, and went straight to his bed to lie down flat on his face.
Sho wished to be six feet under. He wanted to get rid of the memory of his conversation with Nino and move on without any hardship. The confused look on the young man’s face earlier was unbearable. Even worse, he had carelessly told him his name. Sho bet that Nino had already labeled him as a weird man.
He rose up in order to undress and put on his sleeping wear. On his desk, there was a CD player placed by the corner. He went to turn on the device and it started playing from where it left off the last time he’d played it. Sho picked up the paper bag once again, taking out the book. His bookshelves no longer had any space for any of the books he kept collecting. Instead, he had stacked the rest against the empty corner of his room. He propped the book just on top of the death poems one.
The tower of books was already just as tall as he was. And yet, there were still books that he had not read and more he was planning to obtain. It was never enough, and he would still keep wanting more, but for what cause? To deny the reality he was in, perhaps; to have a means of escape even for at least a minute.
A sound of nostalgia called onto him, causing him to turn around. He couldn’t remember the title, but he knew that song with all his heart. He felt the sadness, the frustration, and the yearning of affection. They were the feelings he had kept to himself for a long period of time. Through music, he could express all those neglected feelings.
Once the song had finished, he turned the CD player off.
***
The next morning, Sho started his day pretty well. He got up as soon as he heard his alarm clock, took a shower and prepared himself breakfast: dried fish and sweet eggs on a bowl of rice, with some miso soup on the side. In just a few hours, he’ll need to put in more effort again at work today.
Sho slumped on his seat. He had forgotten he was on leave. All of a sudden, the food was tasteless.
Frustrated, he got up and went out to the balcony. The sun was brighter than usual; he squinted his eyes from its rays. He looked down at the people passing by his building. Some walked on foot and some rode their bikes. He even saw the bookstore cashier, Ohno, going to the pastry shop just across the street.
He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he last looked around the neighborhood.
Sho stepped back inside his home. He was finally free and was at a loss. He had never gotten this much freedom ever since he’d started working at Storm Enterprises. He needed to do something. Anything…
Sho went to his closet and took out his clothes one by one, laying them on the bed. After some thought, he settled with wearing a grey jacket over a white printed shirt and dark red pants. While putting on his slip-ons, he cast a glance at the mirror. He had almost forgotten what it was like to wear something casual. He fixed his hair by brushing it his fingers and, once he was satisfied, he went off.
Sho gazed at the fleeting clouds of the blue sky while he walked on aimlessly. He had passed by the numerous shops he hadn’t noticed before; there was an art store, a watch repair shop, and even a candy shop. Cars came and went on the road of all shapes and sizes, and colors too. He then rode the train and luckily got a seat. He could spot out the numerous businessmen and businesswomen aboard the vehicle; some were on their phones and some were asleep.
By the time he got out of the train and went up the stairs, Sho had found himself at the plaza, realizing that he had unconsciously taken the route to his workplace.
Sho shook his head, frustrated. No matter what he did, his work would always be in his mind. Even after gaining freedom for one day, the result would still be the same.
And, just as he expected, he heard the resounding sound of a guitar. Lifting up his head, he immediately spotted Nino at his usual place. At once, he felt sick as he remembered the conversation they had. Sho put on his hood and kept his head down, refraining himself from looking at him, and with long strides, he passed him by.
“Hey,” Sho heard Nino call out, but he kept walking. “Hey, you with the hoodie!“ Sho groaned and turned around, finding himself face to face with the musician. There was a glint in Nino’s eyes. “I knew it was you,” He said. “Sakurai-san, was it? Am I right?”
Sho pressed his lips, hiding his hands into his pockets. “Yes, that’s me,” He replied.
“You’re not wearing your suit.”
“It’s my day off today.”
“Ah, I see.” He said, nodding. “Why did you run away from me last night?” He asked.
“Uh,” Sho averted his eyes.” I suddenly remembered that I needed to be somewhere. I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s alright. So, you’re on a day off, huh? That’s nice. I guess you’ve got some plans today.”
“I don’t have any plans...”
“Well, tough luck,” Nino said. "But not knowing what you’re doing is a good start actually.”
“How so?”
“In some way, not knowing what to do lets you be pulled into the unexpected, like a current or something. It’s quite hard to explain, but do whatever comes to mind.”
“How exactly do I do that?”
Nino shrugged his shoulders. “You just do it,” He said. “It’s like basic instinct; if you’re hungry, grab something to eat. If you want to sing, go to the karaoke bar. It’s not that hard. Anyway, I don’t want to drag our talk any longer. I need to perform. It was nice meeting you, Sakurai-san.”
Sho watched the musician turn away, going back to settle down on his sitting mat and practice again a few chords. He pondered on Nino’s words of advice. He found it hard to think of the places he wanted to go to and the things he wanted to do when he was distracted by Nino’s guitar playing.
The truth was he rather just sit and watch Nino perform rather than go on an adventure around the city by himself.
Unless…
“Nino,” Sho went in front of him. “I have a request.”
Nino raised his head. “Okay, what song would you like?” He asked.
“No, I don’t mean that.”
Nino blinked a few times, his face contorting with confusion.
Sho breathed in and out until he found the courage to speak up. “Will you go out with me?”
Nino’s jaw dropped. “What?” He exclaimed, his cheeks flushing.
“I- I mean, could you accompany me for the whole day?” Sho corrected himself, hoping that would save himself from embarrassment.
“What? Right now? But, I just got here! I mean, I’d love to help you, but I’m sorry. I need to make a living, not only for myself but also for my family.” Nino then continued to play a random melody.
“Well, how about I pay you in exchange for that? You said you need money, right?”
Nino stopped playing at once. He was all eyes on him now. “You’ll pay me? For how much?”
“I- I don’t know; any amount would be fine! I can give you as much as you want.”
“As much as I want?”
“Yes!”
Nino hummed while pondering. “Sure, but, I don’t think you’d be able to handle such a large amount. It might be too much for you…” He said. “How does 50,000 yen sound for you?”
“It’s fine,” Sho said. “Like I said, any amount! I could even pay you more than that! Heck, I can give you half a million! Please, accept my offer! I’ll do anything! I promise!” He cried out.
“Hey, pipe down,” Nino said, shushing him. “People are starting to stare.”
“Nino, for these past few weeks, you’ve been driving me crazy.” Sho started. “I was so immersed in watching you perform the first day I saw you. Since then, I’m drawn to you every time. I love your music, I love your voice, but most of all… I think I’m in love with you!”
The tears spilled on Sho’s face. Nino was speechless, taken aback by the older man’s burst of emotion. Embarrassment didn’t sink into the two of them, not until they heard a few witnesses started squealing from a distance.
Nino buried his face into his hand and sighed. “Fine, I’ll go with you.”
***
“Here’s your coffee.” The waitress said, setting the cups on their table.
Sho bowed his head as a courtesy. He brought forth his cup of coffee in his hands to his lips, the bittersweet taste lingering at the tip of his tongue.
Nino was sitting across the table, looking at him with arms crossed. “Hey, don’t just stare at me; speak up,” Nino said.
“S- Sorry…” Sho said.
“Geez, where did all the courage you had gone earlier? You’re the one who brought me here and all, at least say something…” He was quite irritable at the moment, mostly because he had so many things he had to bring with him. They even had to set aside Nino’s guitar case at the corner of the room since they didn’t have a proper place to put it at their table.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say...”
“What do you mean? You’ve never been on a date before?”
“It’s not that; I’ve been to dates a few times. Usually, the daughters of my seniors in the company I work at, but they never work out.”
“Well, that’s a pity. How much are you giving me again?”
“100,000 yen.”
“Is that final?”
Sho nodded in reply.
“Well, why don’t we start getting to know each other first? We could skip the names; since I remember your name very well. I guess you still remember mine, right?”
“Yes, Kazunari.”
“Wow, you’re going for a first name basis?”
“Actually, I do like calling you Nino better.”
“It’s fine either way.” Nino took his cup and tried to cool it off by blowing it. “Anything you’d like to know about me?” He said with a smile.
“Um, how old are you?” Sho asked.
“34.”
“Oh, wow, you look younger.”
Nino chuckled. “Yeah, a lot of people think that too. And you?”
“I’m 35.”
“Hm, a one-year age gap, not bad.”
“Are you a music graduate?”
“No, I took a different course. Business management, I think? Whatever, I dropped out.”
“Why’s that?”
“It was boring. Besides, there are a lot of dropouts that got to succeed big time in life.”
“It doesn’t always go like that. Those people are just lucky.”
“You only say that because you’re a college graduate. Sure, you can read all the textbooks and listen to all the lectures, but let’s face it, we don’t learn anything new, not until we do the dirty work ourselves. As for me, I’m just not going to let myself waste four years only to make myself imprisoned in an office cubicle until I rot. That’s not the kind of life I want… I’m sorry if that bursts your bubble, I couldn’t help but say it.”
“No, it’s fine. You’re right.” Sho said. Although it hurt to hear those words from another, he couldn’t have said the same thing better than he did. “You actually described it perfectly.”
“At least someone finally admitted it. From what company are you from, by the way?”
“Storm Enterprises,” Sho brought out a small plastic case from the front pocket of his pants and pulled out a card, giving it to Nino.
“Even on your day off, you still carry those things,” Nino remarked.
“Of course, I do. Don’t freelancers have business cards too?”
“Well, yeah but I never had the thought of needing one. After all, I bring my business wherever I go.” He said, taking the card. Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Vice President?”
“Yes, of Marketing.”
Nino looked back and forth at the card and at Sho. “You sure don’t look like one. Then again, that does explain why you have the guts to give me 100,000 yen. Do you have any hobbies?”
“I read books.”
“What kind of books?”
“Any book is fine, but I’m recently into poems.”
“Have you tried writing one of your own?”
“Not really. I don’t have such talent. Yours is making music, isn’t it?”
“You really think that a musician’s life only revolves on music? No, it’s games.”
“Games?”
“Yeah, on my phone, computer, or game console. I also go to the arcade from time to time.”
A distant memory crept into Sho’s mind. “I haven’t been into one since high school,” He said.
“You wanna go to the arcade later?” Nino asked.
“I don’t know. The arcades are too noisy nowadays.”
“Then, what exactly do you have in mind?”
Sho shrugged his shoulders. “Go to the bookstore?”
Nino slumped on his seat. “You’re such a boring guy. Come on, Sakurai-san, give it a chance! Imagine yourself stepping into an arcade after so many years, doesn’t that sound exciting?” He said, spreading his arms wide. “Well?”
“Yeah, it does,” Sho replied flatly.
“Perfect. Just perfect,” Nino said. “You’re finally getting it.”
“Getting what?”
“The flow; getting yourself into the current, just like I told you earlier!” Nino stood up from his seat. “Now, I want to eat some spaghetti.” He said and ran off to the counter.
Sho turned around and watched the young man talking to the cashier. He wondered if the Nino he had talked to earlier was the same Nino facing the cashier right now. Sure, Nino is a nice guy, but there was doubt stirring within him. Nino was only doing this for the money, was he?
Sho sipped up the last of his coffee as he felt that the day would be longer than he would expect it to be.
Sho stood at the front of the arcade which Nino suggested. He gazed at the whole length of the tall, red building which was decorated with huge game advertising posters on each side. Nino was at the door, waiting for him to come in.“What’s wrong?” Nino said. “Don’t worry, I’m a regular here. My card still has some points. You don’t need to use your money.”
“On second thought, I think I’m too old for this,” Sho said.
“The arcade’s for all ages, silly.”
Sho grumbled and covered his ears as he went inside. He trailed Nino like a dog following wherever its master went: car racing games, ball games, and even the toy crane. Sho would stand by Nino’s side, watching him play. He had witnessed a different side of Nino through it. To be able to see a cunning and determined look on the young man’s face, his eyes looking nowhere else but only what was before him, and from time to time would shout out a cuss word when things went wrong, Sho never expected such behavior from a laid back guy like Nino.
Sho had lost interest in playing video games as he grew older. He had made himself detached from the things which he feared would distract him from his goals, whether it was an outing with friends or watching a variety show on TV. Once he started working in Storm Enterprises and hung out with his peers, he felt alienated. Everyone had a common ground, things that would spark nostalgia in them. Sho had nothing to share with them. It was only then he realized the importance of that “growing-up” stage.
It seemed that Nino never lost the child inside of him. His youthfulness too never left his face. It was a delightful sight. Sho was glad for him, and a bit jealous too in fact.
The two of them happen to pass by a dance platform game. Nino perked up, rushing to it. He dropped his things at once to the ground, setting them aside. He set afoot on one pad, which lit up whenever he pressed his foot on one of the arrows. Nino turned round, facing Sho. He had his mischievous grin on once again and gestured Sho to enter and occupy the other platform next to his.
“No thanks,” Sho said.
Nino pouted. “Aw, come on! It wouldn’t be fair if I’m the only one having fun on this date of ours.”
“I’m not a good dancer, alright?”
“Neither am I. But you don’t need to be good at this game. All you need is timing and reflexes. Besides, your body’s worn out from work, you need to loosen up.”
Sho went forth and stood on the other dance pad. “Just take it easy on me, please.”
“Yeah, sure,” Nino said, pressing buttons to scan through the song list. Once he had found a track he liked, he went to adjust the settings, before entering to start. It was shown in a flash, but Sho felt his knees buckling as soon as he saw it: three stars, hard mode.
Sho collapsed to the floor on his knees after the dance. His face was dripping with sweat and his feet were sore. Nino jumped off the dance pad and approached him, kneeling down. “Fun, right?” Nino said. He too was breathing heavily.
“This isn’t fair, you’re not fair,” Sho said.
Nino let out a laugh. “I couldn’t help it! Damn, you look so exhausted. Wanna go somewhere to cool off?”
Sho shook his head. “Just get me out of here…”
“Ah, wait, there’s something else I want to do before we go.”
“What?” Sho exclaimed.
“Oh, relax; I’m not going to torture you.” Nino held out his hand to him. “Come on, don’t glare at me like that,” He said. “Don’t you trust me?”
After much debate with himself, Sho took hold of Nino’s hand and stood back on his feet. To Sho’s surprise, Nino took him into a photo booth. It was big enough for the two of them to fit without their shoulders touching. Nino drew the curtain close and went to touch the screen in front of them. “I always get my picture taken whenever I come here,” Nino said.
“You come here alone?” Sho asked.
“I sometimes come with my friends, sometimes by myself.” Nino pressed enter, and the screen started a countdown. Sho watched as Nino quickly fixed his hair to make it look decent for the camera. “Hey, don’t just stare at me! Fix yourself!” Nino said, putting his hands to fix Sho’s flyaway hair. The gesture surprised Sho, causing him to blush. Nino then guided him throughout each photoshoot, telling him on what pose or what dynamic they should go for. Of course, Sho didn’t forget to smile, but this time it didn’t feel like a pain for him to do. He was actually enjoying what he was doing. Nino seemed to be happy too while looking at the photos taken.
“You’re actually quite handsome when you smile,” Nino said.
“I should smile more often then,” Sho replied. He laughed when Nino made their eyes large and with long eyelashes. “That looks creepy.”
“Yup, that’s the best thing about it.”
They waited for the pictures to get printed outside. Nino took them out as soon as it finished. “Here,” Nino said, handing over one strip to Sho.
“Thank you,” He said.
“Don’t thank me,” Nino replied with a smile. Sho smiled back, although he didn’t know what he meant by that.
“Gosh, I can’t believe it’s already 5 o’clock,” Nino said while exiting the arcade. “I wonder what else we can do…” The two of them walked around and looked at the shops across the street.
“I’ve always wanted to try those,” Sho said, pointing out a certain store to Nino.
“You’ve never eaten a crepe before?”
“Not the fancy ones.”
“Alright, let’s go get one.”
The two of them went up to the counter window; Sho ordered a strawberry vanilla cream crepe drizzled in caramel, while Nino ordered a savory spinach, ham and cheese crepe. “The ice cream’s actually bigger than I thought,” Sho said once he had received it. He loved the sweetness of the caramel complementing the tangy taste of strawberry.
“Mind if I have a taste?” Nino asked. Even before Sho could reply, Nino took hold of Sho’s hand, leaned forward, and took a bite of the sweet crepe. Nino hummed. “It’s good,” He said, clueless of the trace of ice cream on the corner of his lips.
Sho couldn’t help but stare the white liquid glistening against the fluorescent lights of the shop.
“What?” Nino said.
“Ah, there’s something on your lips.”
Nino wiped it away with the back of his hand. Sho then looked away, embarrassed, and continued to eat.
As they finished their crepes and threw their wrappers away, the two went on sightseeing again. The city began to show its bright colors, welcoming the night sky. The air between them was strangely calm. Over the course of the day, things had been going well so far. They went in and out of the shops they deemed were interesting to their tastes. Sometimes, Nino would tell a joke or two and Sho would laugh each time. It seemed picture-perfect.
The two of them settled down at a park and sat on a bench. Their legs were now worn out from all the walking, but it wasn’t as painful as before. Sho felt good; he felt like he had wholeheartedly taken a day off, not even thinking about work or anything else, but focusing on this very moment.
“Hey, Nino, have you ever been with a man before?” Sho asked.
“I’m with one right now.”
Sho let out a brief chuckle. “I’m serious.”
“Well, I have had a few relationships.”
“How many?” Sho asked.
It took a while for Nino to give out his answer. “Three.”
“So, you had three boyfriends.”
“I don’t really consider them boyfriends.”
“Oh…”
The silence fell unto them.
“I- I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s fine, it’s all in the past anyway. Why do you ask?”
“Nothing, I just thought maybe you were actually straight or something...”
Nino then laughed. “I get that.”
Sho looked up at the night sky and sighed. “Now what?” He said. They had done a lot of things today, yet it still wasn’t enough. Moreover, Nino would be leaving soon and be taking the money with him.
“We could go to the bookstore,” Nino said.
“Eh? I thought you didn’t want to go.”
“I didn’t say that!” He argued. “Since I got to show you the stuff I like, I might as well also have to check out what you’re into. That way, we’re even. So what’s your decision, Vice President?”
Sho stared at him, dumbfounded. It never crossed his mind that someone would be eager to know his interests. “Well, there’s one place I often go to read.”
“Alright, let’s go there.”
Nino roamed around, looking at the books displayed on the ebony wooden shelves. He pulled out one and, because of the dust, he sneezed. “Sorry, ugh...”
“It’s alright, you’ll get used to it,” Sho said. He had brought Nino to the bookstore under his apartment. He was more familiar with the place, and since Nino was interested, he gave it a go.
“Are all of these like secondhand?” Nino asked.
“Some of them.”
Although Sho was delighted to see Nino invested in his reading hobby, he couldn’t help but feel nervous the longer they stayed. Ohno was watching them from the counter, quite curious about Sho’s companion. “Excuse me,” Nino yelled. “Do you sell any comics here?”
“Unfortunately, we don’t sell them, sir,” Ohno replied.
“Well, that’s a bit of a letdown,” Nino mumbled to Sho while returning the book to its proper place.
A bright light suddenly flashed through the window panes, followed by a loud rumble from the heavens. The three were startled, and soon they realized rain was pouring outside. “Well, that’s just great.” Nino groaned.
“If you guys need an umbrella, I could get some of our spare ones at the back, if you’d like,” Ohno said.
“Oh, thank you very much,” Nino said and bowed to him.
As soon as Ohno went away, Sho spoke once again. “I could walk you to the train station.”
“No, it’s fine. Besides, I don’t really think I can go home today. Come on, look at all that rain! It’s not like my guitar’s waterproof.”
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I’m the one who brought you all the way here.”
“Don’t say that.”
Sho peaked through the door window. The streets were soaked and puddles started to grow around the area.
“Hey, is it alright if I sleep over at your apartment?”
Sho turned around. He had doubted if he heard it right. “W- What?”
“You won’t mind right?”
Sho’s heart had stopped once again. His throat turned dry, and his insides were stirring. He pressed his lips. He was at war with himself at that very moment. And yet, he knew. He knew he couldn’t say no.
Sho opened the lights of his apartment and the two of them entered his room. It looked messier than before in Sho’s eyes now that he had brought a guest. Nino had put down his guitar case and his bag at the nearest corner of the room. All of a sudden Sho had forgotten how to breathe. It’s really happening. He’ll be spending a night with Nino in his own room.
“Some collection you have here,” He heard Nino say. Sho turned around and found Nino looking at the book tower. “You read all of these?” Nino asked.
“Almost,” Sho said as he approached him.
Nino took a peek at the book on the very top. “Flowers of Evil?”
“I just bought that book, so I don’t know the contents, but I heard it’s good,” Sho remarked. “Anyway, here, 100,000 yen.” He placed the bills on the palm of Nino’s hand.
“Thank you,” Nino said, placing them at the nearby desk. “By the way, sorry for the inconvenience. I never expected that this would happen.”
“Neither did I. Do you want something to eat?”
“No thanks, I’m good.” Nino walked towards Sho’s bed and casually sat on it. “How long have you been living alone?”
“15 years.”
“Well, no wonder you’re lonely. Don’t you have any friends?”
Sho shook his head.
“Not even at work?”
“No. I don’t think people like me that much, so I distance myself from them.”
“Why’s that? Did something happen in the past?”
Sho looked down at his feet. “You could say that. I was an outcast during high school; I was at fault. I only focused on my studies, not caring about anyone or anything. When I started working, I managed to fix that, but I knew I still lacked something. I guess that’s why I admire you so much. Compared to me, you seemed to have a better life.”
“You think too highly of me.”
“But, it’s the truth. I can never be happy.”
The bed creaked. Sho heard footsteps approaching him and, having his chin lifted, looked at Nino.
“But, you did have fun today, right?” Nino said.
The dim lights of his apartment looked good on Nino’s skin. He could also trace his silhouette on the wall, trying to engrave it into his mind. Sho reached out his hand to caress Nino’s face. Nino looked at him tenderly. Sho could even see his reflection in those brown eyes. Was it just his imagination? Or was it real? Everything seemed so genuine with Nino that he no longer knew what to believe anymore. Nino drew closer and closer to him, feeling his breath tingling on his lips. Sho pulled Nino in and they were kissing.
“Woah,” Nino gasped and pulled back.
“D-Did I do something wrong?”
“No; you’re…actually good? Is this your first time?”
“No.”
Nino let out a chuckle. “Funny, all this time I thought you were a virgin.” He said, and Sho chuckled back.
There was something about Nino’s thin velvety lips that Sho liked. Of all the kisses he had in his life, this had a different feeling.
The mattress seemed vast, although Sho could’ve sworn it was smaller than that. Clothes were tossed to the ground naturally for both of them. There were warm breaths against flushed skin, and there were tears too. Sho didn’t know why, but he started crying in the middle of it. Nino was just as surprised as he was and had wiped the tears off his face. For some reason, Nino was smiling at him. Sho didn’t like it. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve it at all…
The next day, Sho woke up on his bed, alone. He had expected it. He already decided to accept the reality and think of yesterday as a good dream. He got up on his feet and picked up his clothes from the floor. Walking around, he spotted something on his working desk. He placed his clothes aside and picked them up. It was the 100,000 yen.
***
“So you haven’t seen him since then?” Matsumoto asked after Sho had finished his story. Although his appointment was still a few weeks away, Sho had called him, asking if he could see him during the weekend in advance. He had no one to confide with, and Matsumoto was the only person who could understand him.
“No,” Sho replied. “He doesn’t even appear on the streets to perform anymore. He just disappeared like that.”
“Have you tried looking for him?”
“I don’t think he wants to see me again. So what would be the point?”
Matsumoto put down aside his paper and pen. “I appreciate that you’re trying to move on, but I hope you’re not bottling up your emotions.”
“I’m not, and I won’t.”
Matsumoto sighed and leaned back against his chair. “It’s strange though.” He said, crossing his arms.
“What is?”
“Well, why do you think he left the money? Think about it, Sakurai-san. You did mention before that he needed money to provide for his sick mother, correct?”
“Yes. And what does that have to do with anything?”
“Maybe he didn’t need the money at all in the first place?”
Sho’s heart dropped. “Are you saying I got scammed?”
“No, no! If you were scammed, you wouldn’t have gotten your money back. Ack, Forget it. Whatever I said, don’t think about it too deeply.” Matsumoto clarified and went back to writing notes.
“Matsumoto-sensei, what do you think of me?”
Matsumoto lifted his head and looked directly at him. “Why ask that so suddenly?”
“I just want to know; what exactly am I to you? It’s been on my mind lately… Do you act friendly towards me because I’m your patient? Do people approach me, talk to me, or admire me all because I’m their co-worker? Do they feel obliged to just because I’m their regular customer? Is that all there is to it?”
There was nothing but silence.
Matsumoto took off his glasses and tucked them into his coat pocket. Sho noticed his watery eyes. “Sakurai-san, indeed, you are my patient. But believe me that the friendship we have is real,” He said. “Maybe you should ask yourself the same question. How do you view the people around you, Sakurai-san? Did you give money because you wanted to help that person, or because you wanted to gain something from them? Do you ask me such questions to find answers or do you just want to state what’s in your mind?”
Sho slumped on the seat. He had never seen Matsumoto so hurt.
“Please, don’t think so low of yourself, Sakurai-san.”
Within a few minutes, Sho began crying. Matsumoto stood up from his seat and went towards him, leaning in for a hug. Sho rested his head onto his shoulder while Matsumoto patted his back. “It’s alright,” Matsumoto said. “You’ll get through it. I know you will, my friend.”
“Welcome!”
Sho stood still at the front of the doorstep. Ohno had that dazzling smile of his as always.
“You’re early today,” Ohno remarked.
Sho went towards the counter and faced him. “Are there any books you can recommend for me?”
“Of course.” Ohno went his way around and went through the bookshelves, looking for something that would catch Sho’s eye. “Here you go.” Ohno came back and gave the book to Sho. “The Art of War by Sun Tzu; actually, I was reading it the other day, so I figured that—Are you okay?”
Without realizing it, Sho had started crying again.
“I- I have a chair here,” Ohno said. “You can come in and sit down, would that be alright? Would you like some tea?”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
Ohno didn’t answer and escorted Sho inside the counter to sit on his chair. Sho wiped his tears with the tissues Ohno gave him. Ohno later arrived with a tray in hand, offering a cup of green tea to him. Sho blew his nose before taking a sip.
“Feeling better?” Ohno asked.
Sho nodded in reply.
“By the way, your friend came in here.”
“Friend?”
“Ninomiya, yeah. I remembered his name. He entered the store the morning after that rainy night. He was looking for a few book titles-- which I asked for him to write down. Here, I kept the list with me just in case.”
Sho took the list and found very familiar book titles: The Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire, Confessions of a Mask by Mishima Yukio, Kokoro by Natsume Soseki, and so on. The death poem’s book was also on the list, and after seeing it, Sho put the list down, not wanting to read more. They were all from his book collection.
“Did you ask why he wanted them?” Sho asked.
“I don’t usually ask, I just give. That’s all he wanted. If I remember correctly, I gave him Confessions of a Mask, Flowers of Evil, and the death poems book.”
Sho was at a loss. Why on Earth would Nino buy those books?
“You were asking something earlier, right?” Ohno said. “What was it?”
“It’s nothing. It’s just that… even if I’ve known you for so long, but I never had a proper conversation with you. I’ve always taken you for granted. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, Sakurai-san.” Ohno patted his shoulder. “I have always thought of what’s best for my customers. Ever since my late grandpa had bestowed me this bookstore 10 years ago, I had to keep track of his regular customers, and that includes you, Sakurai-san.”
Sho’s eyes grew misty again. He had almost forgotten about that old man who used to greet him every morning whenever he was on his way to work. He always wondered back then where he had gone, but now he knew. And all this time, it was his grandson who had kept watch over him for this past decade.
“Thank you, thank you for everything,” Sho said.
“You’re welcome.”
It was lunchtime at the office. Sho was eating his bento at the cafeteria on the ground floor. In the end, he had bought the book Ohno had recommended to him. He flipped the book open while munching on some spring rolls. He had a bookmark for it; a very special one. It was the photo strip of him and Nino from the arcade. It never failed to make him chuckle, although he doubted that he’d ever see Nino again. It felt nice to relive those memories, no matter how painful the end result was.
“Sakurai-san!”
Sho looked up and found a tall man grinning at him and waving his hand from a distance. “Aiba-kun?”
“Sakurai-san, do you always eat lunch by yourself?” Aiba asked.
“Well, I just prefer to be alone most of the time.”
“May I sit down?”
“Sure.”
Aiba brought out his bento from his bag. The whole thing was filled with fried chicken, along with a container full of rice with some seaweed sprinkled on top. “I made a whole lot,” Aiba said, shyly. “If you want you can have some.”
“Is that alright?”
“Yeah, we could exchange if you want. Those spring rolls look delicious.”
“Alright,” Sho said, letting Aiba get one spring roll, and getting one piece of fried chicken afterward.
“Hmm, food tastes better when you’re eating it with someone, doesn’t it?” Aiba said.
“Yeah… Thank you, Aiba-kun.”
“You’re welcome! By the way, what’s that you’re reading?”
“Oh, this? It’s The Art of War.”
“War? That sounds scary.”
“It’s not scary.”
Aiba hummed and with a quick flick of his hand, he took out the photo strip from the book.
“Hey!”
Aiba laughed. “Gee, I wonder what this is… Huh?” Aiba exclaimed. He held the photo strip with both hands and narrowed his eyes. “Nino?”
The two stared at each other for a moment; neither of them moved an inch.
“Y-You know him?” Sho said.
“Yeah, Nino and I went to high school together.”
Sho’s heart started racing. “Do you know where he lives? Do you know where he is now?” Sho said. “Tell me!”
“Hey, hey, calm down… What’s the deal with you and Nino?” Aiba asked.
“Well, I just wanted to see him again,” Sho said and began to narrate what had happened, minus some of the personal stuff. Aiba listened intently to his story; he didn’t once speak up in between.
“Damn… it must’ve been hard for you.” Aiba said. “How long has it been already?”
“Two weeks.”
Aiba sighed. “I do know where he lives. I can help you and take you to where he is. Just tell me when, if you’re ready.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he isn’t there?”
“He lives with his sister and his mother; he never moved out of the house. I’m sure of that. If he doesn’t want to see you, then at least you tried.” Aiba packed up his things and stood up. He took out his business card and placed it on the table. “See you, Sakurai-san.” He then walked away.
Sho picked up the card, caressing the surface with his thumb. It was his ticket to Nino. It was his only way to see Nino again. “I’ll go!” He yelled out.
Aiba turned around and looked at him with a smile.
“I’ll go and see Nino.”
***
The car stopped at the front of the house. It had been a long journey that Sho had fallen asleep halfway. He was surprised to see many plantation fields around the town. “Is that their house?” Sho asked, looking at it through the window. It was a little yellow house with a dark blue roof.
“It is,” Aiba said.
The two of them went out of the vehicle and approached the gate. Aiba pressed the doorbell and a young woman’s voice came out of the box. “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Kazumi,” Aiba answered.
“Masaki? What on Earth are you doing here so suddenly?”
“Is Nino here?”
“He’s out right now. He went to buy groceries.”
“I have a friend with me right now. Could we come in?”
At once, the gate was unlocked and Aiba pushed it open.
Kazumi was standing by the doorstep. She resembled Nino so much that a chill ran through Sho’s spine. “It’s been a while,” She said.
“Yeah, you’ve grown more beautiful than ever after all these years,” Aiba remarked. “I mean, isn’t it great you got your teeth fixed a bit thanks to those braces. I can’t imagine what you might’ve looked like if you still had those big teeth coming out of your—Ow!“
Sho took a step back when Kazumi hit Aiba at the stomach with her knee. “Please do come in,” she said to Sho.
“Thank you,” Sho said and bowed. Aiba, holding his stomach while walking, followed suit.
In the middle of the living room, there was an old woman in a wheelchair. “Mom, we have visitors,” Kazumi announced.
“Visitors?” The old woman said.
“Oba-san, it’s me, Aiba! Remember me?”
“Aiba?”
“Yes, I was Kazunari’s playmate. You used to always make rice balls for me whenever I visited.”
“My boy, I’m sorry. I do not remember.” She said. “But I’m so glad a friend of Kazunari’s has come to visit.” She turned her head, noticing Sho’s presence. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”
“No, this is the first time I’m here, madam.”
“Oh, that’s good. I thought you were someone I knew before.”
So, it was true that Nino’s mother was sick. Sho felt guilty for the times he had doubted Nino about her illness. He was glad to know that he had helped her in his own little way with the money he had given Nino during his street performance days.
A buzz emitted throughout the house. “I’ll get it!” Kazumi said, going to the front door to take a peek of who was outside.
Sho leaned on against the wall, his energy draining all at once. It was as if he already knew who was going to enter the house with every fiber of his being.
“Kazumi!” Nino shouted as he went inside. “Who on Earth parked their car on our front? Where am I supposed to put my bike—oh…” He immediately spotted Sho in the midst of the room.
“Hey, Nino,” Aiba waved at him. “I can explain later, but I brought Sakurai-san here—”
Nino dashed out of the house, leaving the groceries with Kazumi. “Hey, Kazu! What the heck?” She said.
Without a second thought, Sho ran after him. Forgetting about Aiba, Kazumi, and Mrs. Ninomiya, all that Sho could think about is Nino. He chased him with all his might until they reached a field of tomatoes. Nino collapsed to the ground on his knees and groaned. Sho slowed down, his legs buckling and held onto his knees, breathing in and out carefully.
“Why? What are you doing here?” Nino managed to speak.
“I came here for you,” Sho said. “You, you forgot to take the 100,000 with you.” He searched for the money in his pockets. “Here, take it.”
“I didn’t forget it. I left it on purpose.”
“What? But why? I thought you needed it for your mom? Wasn’t that the deal?”
“I don’t need your money anymore, alright? I don’t.” Nino wiped his sweat with the towel on his back. “My mom’s doing well now. All I want now is to be with her for as long as I can.”
“So… you’re not angry with me?”
Nino chuckled. “Angry? Why would I be angry?” He then slowly got back up on his feet. “Gosh, I can’t believe you came all the way here.”
“O- Of course I would! I was worried. You weren’t at your usual place. I was thinking that you hated me for what I had done to you, that you only did those things because I forced you to.”
“Forced me? What?”
“I’m sorry, I really am,” Sho cried. “It was wrong for me to do such a thing. I barely even know you… I hope you could forgive me, Nino. No, I take that back; that would be too much to ask from you. Anyway, I’m glad you’re alright and I wish you well.” He then bowed down to him.
“Now, now, wait a minute. Please don’t bow.” Nino said. “You’re being too harsh on yourself. I think we have a misunderstanding here.”
Sho lifted his head up.
“If I’d be honest, you were one of the lamest people I’ve ever met, but you know, I actually enjoyed being with you! I had so much fun that day to the point I forgot all of my problems. I’m sorry I left without letting you know. You’re a good guy, Sakurai-san. Don’t let yourself think otherwise.”
Sho crumpled his face and shut his eyes closed.
“Hey, you’re making that face again. What’s wrong?”
“I-“ Sho sniffed his runny nose. “I think I like you way too much.”
“Uh, as if I didn’t know that already. Come on, please, don’t cry like this…” He went to hug him and pat his back.
“I was ready to let go, you know,” Sho continued. “Just in case you never wanted to see me again; but the moment I saw you, I still got scared. I didn’t want to lose you again.”
“Well, I’m here right now, aren’t I?” Nino said, cupping his hands on Sho’s face. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. You’ve done enough for me. It’s time to put that same effort on yourself, to live no matter what. You hear me?”
Sho nodded. “I will,” He said, smiling without effort. “I will!”
As the sun was setting, the two of them walked hand in hand, taking their time to go back to the Ninomiya residence. “Why did you try to run away from me earlier?” Sho asked.
“I don’t know,” Nino said. “It must be because it felt like, for the first time, I was unsure of what I should do at that moment.”
“I guess that makes us even. You’re not coming back to the city to perform, are you?”
“I’d love to, but I have other priorities now.”
Sho stared at their silhouettes on the rocky ground. Their figures seemed to merge in one.
“Though, you could just ask me directly, you know,” Nino said. “I won’t mind performing for you, no payment required. Or better yet, visit us at least once a week. I do need a little help with getting the meaning of some poems.” He then pecked his lips onto Sho’s cheek and, letting go of his hand, he ran off laughing.
And Sho let him run. He enjoyed watching the young man soar with his endless youth, and he wouldn’t mind his company at all. He was probably going to live longer than he had expected. After all, he wouldn’t want to miss out on all the fun he could have with the person he loved, and what could await him beyond that.
“How about giving me a business card with your phone number instead?” Sho yelled out.
And Nino yelled back, “I’m working on that!”
sky_fish7From: :3.
Title: From Where I Had Left Off
Pairing/Focus: Sakumiya (Sho’s POV)
Rating: R (warnings: mental illness, hospitals/clinics)
Word Count: 10,000+
Summary: Sho is a “worn-out” salaryman who has nothing to look forward to in his boring life until he encounters a street performer named Nino at a park he often goes to. Following his psychologist’s advice, Sho takes a day off from work. He sees Nino again at the same place and, mustering all his courage, he asks Nino out.
Notes: Hi, Sky_Fish! Originally I was supposed to go the supernatural route but RL got in the way. So instead I went with your Work AU, which I hope you don’t mind. Special thanks to my beta-reader and also to the mods. Cheers.
Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going—
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.
Those were the written words of a dying man, Kozan Ichikyo. To turn the dreadful into something beautiful, Sho admired that. He longed for it.
“Sakurai-san?” He heard the secretary call out his name.
Sho gently closed the book in his hands and stood up from his seat. The secretary escorted him inside his psychologist’s office. He was delighted to see the clean lavender-painted walls as always.
“Good afternoon, Matsumoto-sensei,” Sho greeted. Matsumoto was at his desk, fixing and organizing some papers, probably looking for Sho’s file.
“Good afternoon, Sakurai-san,” Matsumoto said, as soon as their eyes met. “Have a seat.” He gestured his hand to the lone wingback chair which faced Matsumoto’s desk. Sho sat on it and settled himself down, holding onto the book and placing it on his lap. He had visited Matsumoto many times already, but the view from his seat still gave him the chills. The chair’s curved back restricted him from looking to his sides, leaving Sho with no other choice but to look at the man in front of him.
Matsumoto took out a red folder and opened it. “So, how’s your day?” Matsumoto asked while adjusting his glasses. “Did anything happen at work?”
“Just the same old stuff,” Sho said.
“Any recent burnouts?”
“No.”
Jun hummed. “That’s good,” He said. “At least you’re coping with that.” Matsumoto then smiled. Sho mirrored it. “What’s that you’re holding?”
Sho looked down at the book on his lap. “I brought a book to read while waiting.” He told him.
“May I see?”
Sho caressed the edges of the pages with his fingertips. Matsumoto stared at him, bringing forth his hand to taunt him.
Sho let out a sigh, giving in to Jun’s silent demand, and gave him the book. “Death poems?” Matsumoto eyed at him with a raised eyebrow.
“I-It’s not what you think,” Sho said, averting his eyes. He could hear the psychologist flip the book open, scanning each page one by one. “I just really love the poems…” Sho mumbled.
Once he had finished skimming it, Matsumoto closed the book and returned it to Sho. “Other than work, what else have you done for the past month?” He asked.
“Uh…”
“Excluding reading and buying new books.”
Sho pressed his lips and went into deep thought. Other than books and work, what else did he do? “I tried to bake,” He then said. “But, it all got burned in the end.”
“Was there anything else that interested you?” Jun pressed the button of his ball pen a few times with his thumb.
Sho lowered his gaze, which landed on the book of death poems once again. Books were his comfort zone. He loved to get absorbed in the contents of it, drowning into people’s ideologies and the worlds that they shaped. Characters were also essential. Sometimes, he deemed them to be actual people and vice-versa. Then, a memory rekindled in his mind. “Well, I saw this guy,” Sho said. “He’s a musician who performs near the train station to my office.”
“Okay; could you elaborate on that?” Matsumoto said. “Did you become friends with him?”
“No, I just see him every day, before and after work.” He said.
Jun gave a nod.
“He was… fascinating, Matsumoto-sensei.”
Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smile. The psychologist put down his pen. “Is he your type?” He asked with a rather playful tone compared to his serious voice earlier.
“I don’t know,” Sho said. “I can’t say he is yet. But that’s what I feel about him.”
Sho remembered clearly the moment he first saw the guy. He was making his way back home from the office, walking on his route to the train station, his eyes glued to the ground, looking at his own feet. At some point, he had bumped into someone, uttering a groan. “Sorry,” Sho immediately said. Raising his head, he noticed the crowd encircled near a light post. The sound of strummed strings of a guitar reached his ears, drawing him closer to where it came from.
Sho went around the crowd, trying to find a good spot. Once he did, he stood still, staring. Delicate fingers held onto the guitar effortlessly. His pale skin seemed to pop out against his dark clothing. A sweet melody fell from his thin lips; it had touched Sho’s heart—Sho’s soul.
Sho stayed and listened for an hour. He couldn’t help but gaze at the musician’s beauty. Despite his disheveled hair and tattered clothing, the man was breath-taking; a refreshing oasis. Normally, Sho wouldn’t notice people of that kind, but on that night, he became a changed man.
The musician’s name was Nino. Sho learned that as he read the board leaning onto Nino’s guitar case. Also written on the board was his reason for playing; to provide for his sick mother. Before he left, Sho took out a bill and placed inside the box right in front of Nino’s feet. At that moment, their eyes met. Sho could clearly see the hazel hue of Nino’s eyes. The musician simply gave a smile. “Thank you,” He said, bowing his head. There were very simple words but they were instilled in Sho’s heart and mind. Since then, there was not a day when Sho wouldn’t notice Nino, every morning before going to work and every night after that.
“If you say he’s that interesting, I suggest you, at least, break the ice maybe?” Jun said.
“Break the ice… but, he’s a stranger.”
Matsumoto chuckled. “Aren’t we all strangers when we first met?”
“I get that, but, I can’t just talk to him.”
“Then at least greet him or something.”
Sho sighed. “Well, you know me.”
“Of course I do, that’s my job. You can do it. I know you can… Anyway, although your medication has been very effective and since you’re doing well, I would still advise you to take a break from work.”
“A break?”
“Yes. At least for one day, that’s all I ask of you.”
Sho clenched his fingers onto his book once again.
“Is there something important coming up that’s making you this anxious?”
“None…” Even if there was, Sho wouldn’t be interested.
“Alright; I’ll be seeing you after a month, right?”
Sho nodded and stood up from his seat.
“Promise?”
“I promise,” Sho replied.
“Don’t let that kind of stuff get into your head, alright?” Matsumoto said, pertaining to the book Sho held.
“I won’t.” Sho then turned away and went to the door, holding the doorknob.
“Take care, Sakurai-san.”
Sho couldn’t say anything back. He swung the door open, and just like that, he left the clinic.
***
Sho rose up from his chair as he shut down his computer. He had just finished re-organizing the papers he needed and relocating those which seemed unnecessary. He packed up his bag and switched off the lamp on his desk. He rested his hands on the smooth wooden surface which he had known for almost a decade. It was a hard decision for him to make, but he finally heeded to Matsumoto’s advice. Although it was only for one day, it was difficult for him to set him apart from his usual lifestyle. For him to leave an hour earlier than usual tonight had caused a stir within him.
Sho went out of his room, closing the door behind him. He had bid farewell to his colleagues while walking down the hall to the elevator. He pressed the down button and as he waited for the elevator to arrive, he is called by a familiar voice.
“Sakurai-san,”
Sho turned around and there stood a tall fellow behind him.
“Oh, Aiba-kun,” Sho said. “You’re leaving early too?”
Aiba let out a little laugh, his hand scratching his brown hair. “I always leave at 8 pm, Sakurai-san.” He remarked.
Sho chuckled back. “Ah, is that so?” He then looked down at his feet. “I never noticed…”
The elevator doors slide open and the two went inside. Aiba pressed the button to the ground level for Sho, who mumbled his thanks. “I heard you’ll be taking a leave tomorrow, is that true?” Aiba asked.
Sho nodded. “Yes, it is.”
“Why’s that, if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked. “I hope you’re alright. You’re not sick or something, aren’t you?”
“Not really…” Sho had never disclosed to anyone about his condition. He didn’t think of it as necessary. “I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“That’s good. Well, I hope you enjoy your day off, Sakurai-san. You’ve always worked overtime; I always see you so absorbed in what you do. It’s very remarkable for me. I guess you could say that I admire you.”
Although the uttered words were supposed to please him, Sho couldn’t bring himself to smile. To be looked up to by a junior for what he does didn’t seem right. It was nothing to be proud of at all.
“Thank you, Aiba-kun,” He said. “I really appreciate that.”
The doors open again and Sho stepped out of the elevator.
“See you tomorrow—ah! I mean, see you the day after tomorrow, Sakurai-san!” Aiba said with a wide-toothed grin.
“Yeah, see you.” He said and the doors closed shut.
The streets were crowded as always. Sho pushed himself through his way to the train station. Halfway there, he came to a standstill, his ears hearing the vibrating sound of a guitar string. Sho spotted the young musician again, sitting at the same spot he always occupied. It appeared that the musician had just come back, preparing for his performance tonight by tuning his guitar. Sho wasn’t in a hurry to go home, so he went up to him. As always, he took out some money and placed it inside the box.
Their eyes met once again. This time Nino’s gaze lingered much longer at him like there was a spark of familiarity in them. Butterflies fluttered inside Sho’s stomach when he caught a glimpse of Nino’s smile. His feet were stuck on the pavement. What could he say to such a person?
“Um, do you do requests?” Sho asked.
“Yeah, sure,” Nino said. “What song do you want me to play?”
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You.”
Nino simply nodded. “Alright, I can do that.”
Sho turned around on his heels to distance himself from Nino and finding a good spot before the performance started. His mind was scrambling. Of all the songs he could think of, that was the first thing that popped in his mind. Moreover, it’s in English! He didn’t take consideration if Nino knew the lyrics well or not.
A few minutes later, Nino started playing some chords. At once, Sho recognized that it was the song he requested. Nino had a fairly good English pronunciation to his surprise. Many were attracted to the beautiful voice and soon, a crowd gathered around him. Some even sang along with Nino. It was a special moment for Sho to witness and to be a part of.
Nino performed the whole night until nine. By that time, the crowd had dispersed and Nino was already packing his things to get on his way home. Sho stayed behind and was observing the musician. Although he had done his deed, there was still dissatisfaction within him.
“Excuse me,” Sho said as he approached Nino. The musician looked up at him with wide eyes. “I just want to say thank you for playing my song tonight.”
“Ah, no problem,” Nino said. “You’re welcome.” His thin lips curved into a smile.
Sho could feel his face turn into a pink blossom. “My name’s Sakurai Sho,” He said.
“Ninomiya Kazunari; hence, Nino for short. It’s nice to meet you, Sakurai-san.”
For a moment, Sho’s heart had stopped. He found it hard to believe that Nino, with that sweet voice of his which sang wondrous melodies, spoke out his name. There was a rush of emotion that went over him from head to toe. It was hard for him to process. He was like a fish out of water, exposed on the dry land. It all felt wrong.
“What’s with that look?” Nino asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“I- I- I’ll be going now,” Sho said and took a few steps back. “I’m sorry!” He said, and at once, turned away, going into a sprint.
Sho buried his face into the yellowed pages of the book he held in his hands. He loved the musky odor which tickled his brain nerves. The bookstore was his second home, but in a few minutes he would need to leave for it was almost closing time.
Sho brought himself upfront to the counter, placing the book on the wooden surface. The cashier with his sleepy-looking eyes took it and scanned the barcode at the back. The man’s name was Ohno, as it said on his nametag.
“We have some new releases. Would you be interested in taking a look?” Ohno asked.
“Ah… No, I’ll just buy this.”
He then gave a nod. “Very well,” Ohno put the book inside a recycled paper bag and gave it to Sho. “Thank you very much! Hope to see you again, Sakurai-san.”
Sho was taken aback by the sound of his name. Ohno wore a gentle smile and gave a slight bow before Sho went on his way out of the store.
This wasn’t the first time this had occurred. Of course, it was expected, since Sho frequented the bookstore. Sometimes Ohno would do some small talk like asking how his day went and such. Sho didn’t mind the conversations, what he did mind was the fact that Ohno knew him—his name, his face—which scared him.
Sho went upstairs to his apartment, with each step emitting a creaking sound. By the time he had reached his front door, he pulled out his keys and opened it. He rushed to his room, placing the book he bought on his desk, and went straight to his bed to lie down flat on his face.
Sho wished to be six feet under. He wanted to get rid of the memory of his conversation with Nino and move on without any hardship. The confused look on the young man’s face earlier was unbearable. Even worse, he had carelessly told him his name. Sho bet that Nino had already labeled him as a weird man.
He rose up in order to undress and put on his sleeping wear. On his desk, there was a CD player placed by the corner. He went to turn on the device and it started playing from where it left off the last time he’d played it. Sho picked up the paper bag once again, taking out the book. His bookshelves no longer had any space for any of the books he kept collecting. Instead, he had stacked the rest against the empty corner of his room. He propped the book just on top of the death poems one.
The tower of books was already just as tall as he was. And yet, there were still books that he had not read and more he was planning to obtain. It was never enough, and he would still keep wanting more, but for what cause? To deny the reality he was in, perhaps; to have a means of escape even for at least a minute.
A sound of nostalgia called onto him, causing him to turn around. He couldn’t remember the title, but he knew that song with all his heart. He felt the sadness, the frustration, and the yearning of affection. They were the feelings he had kept to himself for a long period of time. Through music, he could express all those neglected feelings.
Once the song had finished, he turned the CD player off.
***
The next morning, Sho started his day pretty well. He got up as soon as he heard his alarm clock, took a shower and prepared himself breakfast: dried fish and sweet eggs on a bowl of rice, with some miso soup on the side. In just a few hours, he’ll need to put in more effort again at work today.
Sho slumped on his seat. He had forgotten he was on leave. All of a sudden, the food was tasteless.
Frustrated, he got up and went out to the balcony. The sun was brighter than usual; he squinted his eyes from its rays. He looked down at the people passing by his building. Some walked on foot and some rode their bikes. He even saw the bookstore cashier, Ohno, going to the pastry shop just across the street.
He couldn’t remember how long it had been since he last looked around the neighborhood.
Sho stepped back inside his home. He was finally free and was at a loss. He had never gotten this much freedom ever since he’d started working at Storm Enterprises. He needed to do something. Anything…
Sho went to his closet and took out his clothes one by one, laying them on the bed. After some thought, he settled with wearing a grey jacket over a white printed shirt and dark red pants. While putting on his slip-ons, he cast a glance at the mirror. He had almost forgotten what it was like to wear something casual. He fixed his hair by brushing it his fingers and, once he was satisfied, he went off.
Sho gazed at the fleeting clouds of the blue sky while he walked on aimlessly. He had passed by the numerous shops he hadn’t noticed before; there was an art store, a watch repair shop, and even a candy shop. Cars came and went on the road of all shapes and sizes, and colors too. He then rode the train and luckily got a seat. He could spot out the numerous businessmen and businesswomen aboard the vehicle; some were on their phones and some were asleep.
By the time he got out of the train and went up the stairs, Sho had found himself at the plaza, realizing that he had unconsciously taken the route to his workplace.
Sho shook his head, frustrated. No matter what he did, his work would always be in his mind. Even after gaining freedom for one day, the result would still be the same.
And, just as he expected, he heard the resounding sound of a guitar. Lifting up his head, he immediately spotted Nino at his usual place. At once, he felt sick as he remembered the conversation they had. Sho put on his hood and kept his head down, refraining himself from looking at him, and with long strides, he passed him by.
“Hey,” Sho heard Nino call out, but he kept walking. “Hey, you with the hoodie!“ Sho groaned and turned around, finding himself face to face with the musician. There was a glint in Nino’s eyes. “I knew it was you,” He said. “Sakurai-san, was it? Am I right?”
Sho pressed his lips, hiding his hands into his pockets. “Yes, that’s me,” He replied.
“You’re not wearing your suit.”
“It’s my day off today.”
“Ah, I see.” He said, nodding. “Why did you run away from me last night?” He asked.
“Uh,” Sho averted his eyes.” I suddenly remembered that I needed to be somewhere. I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s alright. So, you’re on a day off, huh? That’s nice. I guess you’ve got some plans today.”
“I don’t have any plans...”
“Well, tough luck,” Nino said. "But not knowing what you’re doing is a good start actually.”
“How so?”
“In some way, not knowing what to do lets you be pulled into the unexpected, like a current or something. It’s quite hard to explain, but do whatever comes to mind.”
“How exactly do I do that?”
Nino shrugged his shoulders. “You just do it,” He said. “It’s like basic instinct; if you’re hungry, grab something to eat. If you want to sing, go to the karaoke bar. It’s not that hard. Anyway, I don’t want to drag our talk any longer. I need to perform. It was nice meeting you, Sakurai-san.”
Sho watched the musician turn away, going back to settle down on his sitting mat and practice again a few chords. He pondered on Nino’s words of advice. He found it hard to think of the places he wanted to go to and the things he wanted to do when he was distracted by Nino’s guitar playing.
The truth was he rather just sit and watch Nino perform rather than go on an adventure around the city by himself.
Unless…
“Nino,” Sho went in front of him. “I have a request.”
Nino raised his head. “Okay, what song would you like?” He asked.
“No, I don’t mean that.”
Nino blinked a few times, his face contorting with confusion.
Sho breathed in and out until he found the courage to speak up. “Will you go out with me?”
Nino’s jaw dropped. “What?” He exclaimed, his cheeks flushing.
“I- I mean, could you accompany me for the whole day?” Sho corrected himself, hoping that would save himself from embarrassment.
“What? Right now? But, I just got here! I mean, I’d love to help you, but I’m sorry. I need to make a living, not only for myself but also for my family.” Nino then continued to play a random melody.
“Well, how about I pay you in exchange for that? You said you need money, right?”
Nino stopped playing at once. He was all eyes on him now. “You’ll pay me? For how much?”
“I- I don’t know; any amount would be fine! I can give you as much as you want.”
“As much as I want?”
“Yes!”
Nino hummed while pondering. “Sure, but, I don’t think you’d be able to handle such a large amount. It might be too much for you…” He said. “How does 50,000 yen sound for you?”
“It’s fine,” Sho said. “Like I said, any amount! I could even pay you more than that! Heck, I can give you half a million! Please, accept my offer! I’ll do anything! I promise!” He cried out.
“Hey, pipe down,” Nino said, shushing him. “People are starting to stare.”
“Nino, for these past few weeks, you’ve been driving me crazy.” Sho started. “I was so immersed in watching you perform the first day I saw you. Since then, I’m drawn to you every time. I love your music, I love your voice, but most of all… I think I’m in love with you!”
The tears spilled on Sho’s face. Nino was speechless, taken aback by the older man’s burst of emotion. Embarrassment didn’t sink into the two of them, not until they heard a few witnesses started squealing from a distance.
Nino buried his face into his hand and sighed. “Fine, I’ll go with you.”
***
“Here’s your coffee.” The waitress said, setting the cups on their table.
Sho bowed his head as a courtesy. He brought forth his cup of coffee in his hands to his lips, the bittersweet taste lingering at the tip of his tongue.
Nino was sitting across the table, looking at him with arms crossed. “Hey, don’t just stare at me; speak up,” Nino said.
“S- Sorry…” Sho said.
“Geez, where did all the courage you had gone earlier? You’re the one who brought me here and all, at least say something…” He was quite irritable at the moment, mostly because he had so many things he had to bring with him. They even had to set aside Nino’s guitar case at the corner of the room since they didn’t have a proper place to put it at their table.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say...”
“What do you mean? You’ve never been on a date before?”
“It’s not that; I’ve been to dates a few times. Usually, the daughters of my seniors in the company I work at, but they never work out.”
“Well, that’s a pity. How much are you giving me again?”
“100,000 yen.”
“Is that final?”
Sho nodded in reply.
“Well, why don’t we start getting to know each other first? We could skip the names; since I remember your name very well. I guess you still remember mine, right?”
“Yes, Kazunari.”
“Wow, you’re going for a first name basis?”
“Actually, I do like calling you Nino better.”
“It’s fine either way.” Nino took his cup and tried to cool it off by blowing it. “Anything you’d like to know about me?” He said with a smile.
“Um, how old are you?” Sho asked.
“34.”
“Oh, wow, you look younger.”
Nino chuckled. “Yeah, a lot of people think that too. And you?”
“I’m 35.”
“Hm, a one-year age gap, not bad.”
“Are you a music graduate?”
“No, I took a different course. Business management, I think? Whatever, I dropped out.”
“Why’s that?”
“It was boring. Besides, there are a lot of dropouts that got to succeed big time in life.”
“It doesn’t always go like that. Those people are just lucky.”
“You only say that because you’re a college graduate. Sure, you can read all the textbooks and listen to all the lectures, but let’s face it, we don’t learn anything new, not until we do the dirty work ourselves. As for me, I’m just not going to let myself waste four years only to make myself imprisoned in an office cubicle until I rot. That’s not the kind of life I want… I’m sorry if that bursts your bubble, I couldn’t help but say it.”
“No, it’s fine. You’re right.” Sho said. Although it hurt to hear those words from another, he couldn’t have said the same thing better than he did. “You actually described it perfectly.”
“At least someone finally admitted it. From what company are you from, by the way?”
“Storm Enterprises,” Sho brought out a small plastic case from the front pocket of his pants and pulled out a card, giving it to Nino.
“Even on your day off, you still carry those things,” Nino remarked.
“Of course, I do. Don’t freelancers have business cards too?”
“Well, yeah but I never had the thought of needing one. After all, I bring my business wherever I go.” He said, taking the card. Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Vice President?”
“Yes, of Marketing.”
Nino looked back and forth at the card and at Sho. “You sure don’t look like one. Then again, that does explain why you have the guts to give me 100,000 yen. Do you have any hobbies?”
“I read books.”
“What kind of books?”
“Any book is fine, but I’m recently into poems.”
“Have you tried writing one of your own?”
“Not really. I don’t have such talent. Yours is making music, isn’t it?”
“You really think that a musician’s life only revolves on music? No, it’s games.”
“Games?”
“Yeah, on my phone, computer, or game console. I also go to the arcade from time to time.”
A distant memory crept into Sho’s mind. “I haven’t been into one since high school,” He said.
“You wanna go to the arcade later?” Nino asked.
“I don’t know. The arcades are too noisy nowadays.”
“Then, what exactly do you have in mind?”
Sho shrugged his shoulders. “Go to the bookstore?”
Nino slumped on his seat. “You’re such a boring guy. Come on, Sakurai-san, give it a chance! Imagine yourself stepping into an arcade after so many years, doesn’t that sound exciting?” He said, spreading his arms wide. “Well?”
“Yeah, it does,” Sho replied flatly.
“Perfect. Just perfect,” Nino said. “You’re finally getting it.”
“Getting what?”
“The flow; getting yourself into the current, just like I told you earlier!” Nino stood up from his seat. “Now, I want to eat some spaghetti.” He said and ran off to the counter.
Sho turned around and watched the young man talking to the cashier. He wondered if the Nino he had talked to earlier was the same Nino facing the cashier right now. Sure, Nino is a nice guy, but there was doubt stirring within him. Nino was only doing this for the money, was he?
Sho sipped up the last of his coffee as he felt that the day would be longer than he would expect it to be.
Sho stood at the front of the arcade which Nino suggested. He gazed at the whole length of the tall, red building which was decorated with huge game advertising posters on each side. Nino was at the door, waiting for him to come in.“What’s wrong?” Nino said. “Don’t worry, I’m a regular here. My card still has some points. You don’t need to use your money.”
“On second thought, I think I’m too old for this,” Sho said.
“The arcade’s for all ages, silly.”
Sho grumbled and covered his ears as he went inside. He trailed Nino like a dog following wherever its master went: car racing games, ball games, and even the toy crane. Sho would stand by Nino’s side, watching him play. He had witnessed a different side of Nino through it. To be able to see a cunning and determined look on the young man’s face, his eyes looking nowhere else but only what was before him, and from time to time would shout out a cuss word when things went wrong, Sho never expected such behavior from a laid back guy like Nino.
Sho had lost interest in playing video games as he grew older. He had made himself detached from the things which he feared would distract him from his goals, whether it was an outing with friends or watching a variety show on TV. Once he started working in Storm Enterprises and hung out with his peers, he felt alienated. Everyone had a common ground, things that would spark nostalgia in them. Sho had nothing to share with them. It was only then he realized the importance of that “growing-up” stage.
It seemed that Nino never lost the child inside of him. His youthfulness too never left his face. It was a delightful sight. Sho was glad for him, and a bit jealous too in fact.
The two of them happen to pass by a dance platform game. Nino perked up, rushing to it. He dropped his things at once to the ground, setting them aside. He set afoot on one pad, which lit up whenever he pressed his foot on one of the arrows. Nino turned round, facing Sho. He had his mischievous grin on once again and gestured Sho to enter and occupy the other platform next to his.
“No thanks,” Sho said.
Nino pouted. “Aw, come on! It wouldn’t be fair if I’m the only one having fun on this date of ours.”
“I’m not a good dancer, alright?”
“Neither am I. But you don’t need to be good at this game. All you need is timing and reflexes. Besides, your body’s worn out from work, you need to loosen up.”
Sho went forth and stood on the other dance pad. “Just take it easy on me, please.”
“Yeah, sure,” Nino said, pressing buttons to scan through the song list. Once he had found a track he liked, he went to adjust the settings, before entering to start. It was shown in a flash, but Sho felt his knees buckling as soon as he saw it: three stars, hard mode.
Sho collapsed to the floor on his knees after the dance. His face was dripping with sweat and his feet were sore. Nino jumped off the dance pad and approached him, kneeling down. “Fun, right?” Nino said. He too was breathing heavily.
“This isn’t fair, you’re not fair,” Sho said.
Nino let out a laugh. “I couldn’t help it! Damn, you look so exhausted. Wanna go somewhere to cool off?”
Sho shook his head. “Just get me out of here…”
“Ah, wait, there’s something else I want to do before we go.”
“What?” Sho exclaimed.
“Oh, relax; I’m not going to torture you.” Nino held out his hand to him. “Come on, don’t glare at me like that,” He said. “Don’t you trust me?”
After much debate with himself, Sho took hold of Nino’s hand and stood back on his feet. To Sho’s surprise, Nino took him into a photo booth. It was big enough for the two of them to fit without their shoulders touching. Nino drew the curtain close and went to touch the screen in front of them. “I always get my picture taken whenever I come here,” Nino said.
“You come here alone?” Sho asked.
“I sometimes come with my friends, sometimes by myself.” Nino pressed enter, and the screen started a countdown. Sho watched as Nino quickly fixed his hair to make it look decent for the camera. “Hey, don’t just stare at me! Fix yourself!” Nino said, putting his hands to fix Sho’s flyaway hair. The gesture surprised Sho, causing him to blush. Nino then guided him throughout each photoshoot, telling him on what pose or what dynamic they should go for. Of course, Sho didn’t forget to smile, but this time it didn’t feel like a pain for him to do. He was actually enjoying what he was doing. Nino seemed to be happy too while looking at the photos taken.
“You’re actually quite handsome when you smile,” Nino said.
“I should smile more often then,” Sho replied. He laughed when Nino made their eyes large and with long eyelashes. “That looks creepy.”
“Yup, that’s the best thing about it.”
They waited for the pictures to get printed outside. Nino took them out as soon as it finished. “Here,” Nino said, handing over one strip to Sho.
“Thank you,” He said.
“Don’t thank me,” Nino replied with a smile. Sho smiled back, although he didn’t know what he meant by that.
“Gosh, I can’t believe it’s already 5 o’clock,” Nino said while exiting the arcade. “I wonder what else we can do…” The two of them walked around and looked at the shops across the street.
“I’ve always wanted to try those,” Sho said, pointing out a certain store to Nino.
“You’ve never eaten a crepe before?”
“Not the fancy ones.”
“Alright, let’s go get one.”
The two of them went up to the counter window; Sho ordered a strawberry vanilla cream crepe drizzled in caramel, while Nino ordered a savory spinach, ham and cheese crepe. “The ice cream’s actually bigger than I thought,” Sho said once he had received it. He loved the sweetness of the caramel complementing the tangy taste of strawberry.
“Mind if I have a taste?” Nino asked. Even before Sho could reply, Nino took hold of Sho’s hand, leaned forward, and took a bite of the sweet crepe. Nino hummed. “It’s good,” He said, clueless of the trace of ice cream on the corner of his lips.
Sho couldn’t help but stare the white liquid glistening against the fluorescent lights of the shop.
“What?” Nino said.
“Ah, there’s something on your lips.”
Nino wiped it away with the back of his hand. Sho then looked away, embarrassed, and continued to eat.
As they finished their crepes and threw their wrappers away, the two went on sightseeing again. The city began to show its bright colors, welcoming the night sky. The air between them was strangely calm. Over the course of the day, things had been going well so far. They went in and out of the shops they deemed were interesting to their tastes. Sometimes, Nino would tell a joke or two and Sho would laugh each time. It seemed picture-perfect.
The two of them settled down at a park and sat on a bench. Their legs were now worn out from all the walking, but it wasn’t as painful as before. Sho felt good; he felt like he had wholeheartedly taken a day off, not even thinking about work or anything else, but focusing on this very moment.
“Hey, Nino, have you ever been with a man before?” Sho asked.
“I’m with one right now.”
Sho let out a brief chuckle. “I’m serious.”
“Well, I have had a few relationships.”
“How many?” Sho asked.
It took a while for Nino to give out his answer. “Three.”
“So, you had three boyfriends.”
“I don’t really consider them boyfriends.”
“Oh…”
The silence fell unto them.
“I- I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s fine, it’s all in the past anyway. Why do you ask?”
“Nothing, I just thought maybe you were actually straight or something...”
Nino then laughed. “I get that.”
Sho looked up at the night sky and sighed. “Now what?” He said. They had done a lot of things today, yet it still wasn’t enough. Moreover, Nino would be leaving soon and be taking the money with him.
“We could go to the bookstore,” Nino said.
“Eh? I thought you didn’t want to go.”
“I didn’t say that!” He argued. “Since I got to show you the stuff I like, I might as well also have to check out what you’re into. That way, we’re even. So what’s your decision, Vice President?”
Sho stared at him, dumbfounded. It never crossed his mind that someone would be eager to know his interests. “Well, there’s one place I often go to read.”
“Alright, let’s go there.”
Nino roamed around, looking at the books displayed on the ebony wooden shelves. He pulled out one and, because of the dust, he sneezed. “Sorry, ugh...”
“It’s alright, you’ll get used to it,” Sho said. He had brought Nino to the bookstore under his apartment. He was more familiar with the place, and since Nino was interested, he gave it a go.
“Are all of these like secondhand?” Nino asked.
“Some of them.”
Although Sho was delighted to see Nino invested in his reading hobby, he couldn’t help but feel nervous the longer they stayed. Ohno was watching them from the counter, quite curious about Sho’s companion. “Excuse me,” Nino yelled. “Do you sell any comics here?”
“Unfortunately, we don’t sell them, sir,” Ohno replied.
“Well, that’s a bit of a letdown,” Nino mumbled to Sho while returning the book to its proper place.
A bright light suddenly flashed through the window panes, followed by a loud rumble from the heavens. The three were startled, and soon they realized rain was pouring outside. “Well, that’s just great.” Nino groaned.
“If you guys need an umbrella, I could get some of our spare ones at the back, if you’d like,” Ohno said.
“Oh, thank you very much,” Nino said and bowed to him.
As soon as Ohno went away, Sho spoke once again. “I could walk you to the train station.”
“No, it’s fine. Besides, I don’t really think I can go home today. Come on, look at all that rain! It’s not like my guitar’s waterproof.”
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I’m the one who brought you all the way here.”
“Don’t say that.”
Sho peaked through the door window. The streets were soaked and puddles started to grow around the area.
“Hey, is it alright if I sleep over at your apartment?”
Sho turned around. He had doubted if he heard it right. “W- What?”
“You won’t mind right?”
Sho’s heart had stopped once again. His throat turned dry, and his insides were stirring. He pressed his lips. He was at war with himself at that very moment. And yet, he knew. He knew he couldn’t say no.
Sho opened the lights of his apartment and the two of them entered his room. It looked messier than before in Sho’s eyes now that he had brought a guest. Nino had put down his guitar case and his bag at the nearest corner of the room. All of a sudden Sho had forgotten how to breathe. It’s really happening. He’ll be spending a night with Nino in his own room.
“Some collection you have here,” He heard Nino say. Sho turned around and found Nino looking at the book tower. “You read all of these?” Nino asked.
“Almost,” Sho said as he approached him.
Nino took a peek at the book on the very top. “Flowers of Evil?”
“I just bought that book, so I don’t know the contents, but I heard it’s good,” Sho remarked. “Anyway, here, 100,000 yen.” He placed the bills on the palm of Nino’s hand.
“Thank you,” Nino said, placing them at the nearby desk. “By the way, sorry for the inconvenience. I never expected that this would happen.”
“Neither did I. Do you want something to eat?”
“No thanks, I’m good.” Nino walked towards Sho’s bed and casually sat on it. “How long have you been living alone?”
“15 years.”
“Well, no wonder you’re lonely. Don’t you have any friends?”
Sho shook his head.
“Not even at work?”
“No. I don’t think people like me that much, so I distance myself from them.”
“Why’s that? Did something happen in the past?”
Sho looked down at his feet. “You could say that. I was an outcast during high school; I was at fault. I only focused on my studies, not caring about anyone or anything. When I started working, I managed to fix that, but I knew I still lacked something. I guess that’s why I admire you so much. Compared to me, you seemed to have a better life.”
“You think too highly of me.”
“But, it’s the truth. I can never be happy.”
The bed creaked. Sho heard footsteps approaching him and, having his chin lifted, looked at Nino.
“But, you did have fun today, right?” Nino said.
The dim lights of his apartment looked good on Nino’s skin. He could also trace his silhouette on the wall, trying to engrave it into his mind. Sho reached out his hand to caress Nino’s face. Nino looked at him tenderly. Sho could even see his reflection in those brown eyes. Was it just his imagination? Or was it real? Everything seemed so genuine with Nino that he no longer knew what to believe anymore. Nino drew closer and closer to him, feeling his breath tingling on his lips. Sho pulled Nino in and they were kissing.
“Woah,” Nino gasped and pulled back.
“D-Did I do something wrong?”
“No; you’re…actually good? Is this your first time?”
“No.”
Nino let out a chuckle. “Funny, all this time I thought you were a virgin.” He said, and Sho chuckled back.
There was something about Nino’s thin velvety lips that Sho liked. Of all the kisses he had in his life, this had a different feeling.
The mattress seemed vast, although Sho could’ve sworn it was smaller than that. Clothes were tossed to the ground naturally for both of them. There were warm breaths against flushed skin, and there were tears too. Sho didn’t know why, but he started crying in the middle of it. Nino was just as surprised as he was and had wiped the tears off his face. For some reason, Nino was smiling at him. Sho didn’t like it. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve it at all…
The next day, Sho woke up on his bed, alone. He had expected it. He already decided to accept the reality and think of yesterday as a good dream. He got up on his feet and picked up his clothes from the floor. Walking around, he spotted something on his working desk. He placed his clothes aside and picked them up. It was the 100,000 yen.
***
“So you haven’t seen him since then?” Matsumoto asked after Sho had finished his story. Although his appointment was still a few weeks away, Sho had called him, asking if he could see him during the weekend in advance. He had no one to confide with, and Matsumoto was the only person who could understand him.
“No,” Sho replied. “He doesn’t even appear on the streets to perform anymore. He just disappeared like that.”
“Have you tried looking for him?”
“I don’t think he wants to see me again. So what would be the point?”
Matsumoto put down aside his paper and pen. “I appreciate that you’re trying to move on, but I hope you’re not bottling up your emotions.”
“I’m not, and I won’t.”
Matsumoto sighed and leaned back against his chair. “It’s strange though.” He said, crossing his arms.
“What is?”
“Well, why do you think he left the money? Think about it, Sakurai-san. You did mention before that he needed money to provide for his sick mother, correct?”
“Yes. And what does that have to do with anything?”
“Maybe he didn’t need the money at all in the first place?”
Sho’s heart dropped. “Are you saying I got scammed?”
“No, no! If you were scammed, you wouldn’t have gotten your money back. Ack, Forget it. Whatever I said, don’t think about it too deeply.” Matsumoto clarified and went back to writing notes.
“Matsumoto-sensei, what do you think of me?”
Matsumoto lifted his head and looked directly at him. “Why ask that so suddenly?”
“I just want to know; what exactly am I to you? It’s been on my mind lately… Do you act friendly towards me because I’m your patient? Do people approach me, talk to me, or admire me all because I’m their co-worker? Do they feel obliged to just because I’m their regular customer? Is that all there is to it?”
There was nothing but silence.
Matsumoto took off his glasses and tucked them into his coat pocket. Sho noticed his watery eyes. “Sakurai-san, indeed, you are my patient. But believe me that the friendship we have is real,” He said. “Maybe you should ask yourself the same question. How do you view the people around you, Sakurai-san? Did you give money because you wanted to help that person, or because you wanted to gain something from them? Do you ask me such questions to find answers or do you just want to state what’s in your mind?”
Sho slumped on the seat. He had never seen Matsumoto so hurt.
“Please, don’t think so low of yourself, Sakurai-san.”
Within a few minutes, Sho began crying. Matsumoto stood up from his seat and went towards him, leaning in for a hug. Sho rested his head onto his shoulder while Matsumoto patted his back. “It’s alright,” Matsumoto said. “You’ll get through it. I know you will, my friend.”
“Welcome!”
Sho stood still at the front of the doorstep. Ohno had that dazzling smile of his as always.
“You’re early today,” Ohno remarked.
Sho went towards the counter and faced him. “Are there any books you can recommend for me?”
“Of course.” Ohno went his way around and went through the bookshelves, looking for something that would catch Sho’s eye. “Here you go.” Ohno came back and gave the book to Sho. “The Art of War by Sun Tzu; actually, I was reading it the other day, so I figured that—Are you okay?”
Without realizing it, Sho had started crying again.
“I- I have a chair here,” Ohno said. “You can come in and sit down, would that be alright? Would you like some tea?”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
Ohno didn’t answer and escorted Sho inside the counter to sit on his chair. Sho wiped his tears with the tissues Ohno gave him. Ohno later arrived with a tray in hand, offering a cup of green tea to him. Sho blew his nose before taking a sip.
“Feeling better?” Ohno asked.
Sho nodded in reply.
“By the way, your friend came in here.”
“Friend?”
“Ninomiya, yeah. I remembered his name. He entered the store the morning after that rainy night. He was looking for a few book titles-- which I asked for him to write down. Here, I kept the list with me just in case.”
Sho took the list and found very familiar book titles: The Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire, Confessions of a Mask by Mishima Yukio, Kokoro by Natsume Soseki, and so on. The death poem’s book was also on the list, and after seeing it, Sho put the list down, not wanting to read more. They were all from his book collection.
“Did you ask why he wanted them?” Sho asked.
“I don’t usually ask, I just give. That’s all he wanted. If I remember correctly, I gave him Confessions of a Mask, Flowers of Evil, and the death poems book.”
Sho was at a loss. Why on Earth would Nino buy those books?
“You were asking something earlier, right?” Ohno said. “What was it?”
“It’s nothing. It’s just that… even if I’ve known you for so long, but I never had a proper conversation with you. I’ve always taken you for granted. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, Sakurai-san.” Ohno patted his shoulder. “I have always thought of what’s best for my customers. Ever since my late grandpa had bestowed me this bookstore 10 years ago, I had to keep track of his regular customers, and that includes you, Sakurai-san.”
Sho’s eyes grew misty again. He had almost forgotten about that old man who used to greet him every morning whenever he was on his way to work. He always wondered back then where he had gone, but now he knew. And all this time, it was his grandson who had kept watch over him for this past decade.
“Thank you, thank you for everything,” Sho said.
“You’re welcome.”
It was lunchtime at the office. Sho was eating his bento at the cafeteria on the ground floor. In the end, he had bought the book Ohno had recommended to him. He flipped the book open while munching on some spring rolls. He had a bookmark for it; a very special one. It was the photo strip of him and Nino from the arcade. It never failed to make him chuckle, although he doubted that he’d ever see Nino again. It felt nice to relive those memories, no matter how painful the end result was.
“Sakurai-san!”
Sho looked up and found a tall man grinning at him and waving his hand from a distance. “Aiba-kun?”
“Sakurai-san, do you always eat lunch by yourself?” Aiba asked.
“Well, I just prefer to be alone most of the time.”
“May I sit down?”
“Sure.”
Aiba brought out his bento from his bag. The whole thing was filled with fried chicken, along with a container full of rice with some seaweed sprinkled on top. “I made a whole lot,” Aiba said, shyly. “If you want you can have some.”
“Is that alright?”
“Yeah, we could exchange if you want. Those spring rolls look delicious.”
“Alright,” Sho said, letting Aiba get one spring roll, and getting one piece of fried chicken afterward.
“Hmm, food tastes better when you’re eating it with someone, doesn’t it?” Aiba said.
“Yeah… Thank you, Aiba-kun.”
“You’re welcome! By the way, what’s that you’re reading?”
“Oh, this? It’s The Art of War.”
“War? That sounds scary.”
“It’s not scary.”
Aiba hummed and with a quick flick of his hand, he took out the photo strip from the book.
“Hey!”
Aiba laughed. “Gee, I wonder what this is… Huh?” Aiba exclaimed. He held the photo strip with both hands and narrowed his eyes. “Nino?”
The two stared at each other for a moment; neither of them moved an inch.
“Y-You know him?” Sho said.
“Yeah, Nino and I went to high school together.”
Sho’s heart started racing. “Do you know where he lives? Do you know where he is now?” Sho said. “Tell me!”
“Hey, hey, calm down… What’s the deal with you and Nino?” Aiba asked.
“Well, I just wanted to see him again,” Sho said and began to narrate what had happened, minus some of the personal stuff. Aiba listened intently to his story; he didn’t once speak up in between.
“Damn… it must’ve been hard for you.” Aiba said. “How long has it been already?”
“Two weeks.”
Aiba sighed. “I do know where he lives. I can help you and take you to where he is. Just tell me when, if you’re ready.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he isn’t there?”
“He lives with his sister and his mother; he never moved out of the house. I’m sure of that. If he doesn’t want to see you, then at least you tried.” Aiba packed up his things and stood up. He took out his business card and placed it on the table. “See you, Sakurai-san.” He then walked away.
Sho picked up the card, caressing the surface with his thumb. It was his ticket to Nino. It was his only way to see Nino again. “I’ll go!” He yelled out.
Aiba turned around and looked at him with a smile.
“I’ll go and see Nino.”
***
The car stopped at the front of the house. It had been a long journey that Sho had fallen asleep halfway. He was surprised to see many plantation fields around the town. “Is that their house?” Sho asked, looking at it through the window. It was a little yellow house with a dark blue roof.
“It is,” Aiba said.
The two of them went out of the vehicle and approached the gate. Aiba pressed the doorbell and a young woman’s voice came out of the box. “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Kazumi,” Aiba answered.
“Masaki? What on Earth are you doing here so suddenly?”
“Is Nino here?”
“He’s out right now. He went to buy groceries.”
“I have a friend with me right now. Could we come in?”
At once, the gate was unlocked and Aiba pushed it open.
Kazumi was standing by the doorstep. She resembled Nino so much that a chill ran through Sho’s spine. “It’s been a while,” She said.
“Yeah, you’ve grown more beautiful than ever after all these years,” Aiba remarked. “I mean, isn’t it great you got your teeth fixed a bit thanks to those braces. I can’t imagine what you might’ve looked like if you still had those big teeth coming out of your—Ow!“
Sho took a step back when Kazumi hit Aiba at the stomach with her knee. “Please do come in,” she said to Sho.
“Thank you,” Sho said and bowed. Aiba, holding his stomach while walking, followed suit.
In the middle of the living room, there was an old woman in a wheelchair. “Mom, we have visitors,” Kazumi announced.
“Visitors?” The old woman said.
“Oba-san, it’s me, Aiba! Remember me?”
“Aiba?”
“Yes, I was Kazunari’s playmate. You used to always make rice balls for me whenever I visited.”
“My boy, I’m sorry. I do not remember.” She said. “But I’m so glad a friend of Kazunari’s has come to visit.” She turned her head, noticing Sho’s presence. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”
“No, this is the first time I’m here, madam.”
“Oh, that’s good. I thought you were someone I knew before.”
So, it was true that Nino’s mother was sick. Sho felt guilty for the times he had doubted Nino about her illness. He was glad to know that he had helped her in his own little way with the money he had given Nino during his street performance days.
A buzz emitted throughout the house. “I’ll get it!” Kazumi said, going to the front door to take a peek of who was outside.
Sho leaned on against the wall, his energy draining all at once. It was as if he already knew who was going to enter the house with every fiber of his being.
“Kazumi!” Nino shouted as he went inside. “Who on Earth parked their car on our front? Where am I supposed to put my bike—oh…” He immediately spotted Sho in the midst of the room.
“Hey, Nino,” Aiba waved at him. “I can explain later, but I brought Sakurai-san here—”
Nino dashed out of the house, leaving the groceries with Kazumi. “Hey, Kazu! What the heck?” She said.
Without a second thought, Sho ran after him. Forgetting about Aiba, Kazumi, and Mrs. Ninomiya, all that Sho could think about is Nino. He chased him with all his might until they reached a field of tomatoes. Nino collapsed to the ground on his knees and groaned. Sho slowed down, his legs buckling and held onto his knees, breathing in and out carefully.
“Why? What are you doing here?” Nino managed to speak.
“I came here for you,” Sho said. “You, you forgot to take the 100,000 with you.” He searched for the money in his pockets. “Here, take it.”
“I didn’t forget it. I left it on purpose.”
“What? But why? I thought you needed it for your mom? Wasn’t that the deal?”
“I don’t need your money anymore, alright? I don’t.” Nino wiped his sweat with the towel on his back. “My mom’s doing well now. All I want now is to be with her for as long as I can.”
“So… you’re not angry with me?”
Nino chuckled. “Angry? Why would I be angry?” He then slowly got back up on his feet. “Gosh, I can’t believe you came all the way here.”
“O- Of course I would! I was worried. You weren’t at your usual place. I was thinking that you hated me for what I had done to you, that you only did those things because I forced you to.”
“Forced me? What?”
“I’m sorry, I really am,” Sho cried. “It was wrong for me to do such a thing. I barely even know you… I hope you could forgive me, Nino. No, I take that back; that would be too much to ask from you. Anyway, I’m glad you’re alright and I wish you well.” He then bowed down to him.
“Now, now, wait a minute. Please don’t bow.” Nino said. “You’re being too harsh on yourself. I think we have a misunderstanding here.”
Sho lifted his head up.
“If I’d be honest, you were one of the lamest people I’ve ever met, but you know, I actually enjoyed being with you! I had so much fun that day to the point I forgot all of my problems. I’m sorry I left without letting you know. You’re a good guy, Sakurai-san. Don’t let yourself think otherwise.”
Sho crumpled his face and shut his eyes closed.
“Hey, you’re making that face again. What’s wrong?”
“I-“ Sho sniffed his runny nose. “I think I like you way too much.”
“Uh, as if I didn’t know that already. Come on, please, don’t cry like this…” He went to hug him and pat his back.
“I was ready to let go, you know,” Sho continued. “Just in case you never wanted to see me again; but the moment I saw you, I still got scared. I didn’t want to lose you again.”
“Well, I’m here right now, aren’t I?” Nino said, cupping his hands on Sho’s face. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. You’ve done enough for me. It’s time to put that same effort on yourself, to live no matter what. You hear me?”
Sho nodded. “I will,” He said, smiling without effort. “I will!”
As the sun was setting, the two of them walked hand in hand, taking their time to go back to the Ninomiya residence. “Why did you try to run away from me earlier?” Sho asked.
“I don’t know,” Nino said. “It must be because it felt like, for the first time, I was unsure of what I should do at that moment.”
“I guess that makes us even. You’re not coming back to the city to perform, are you?”
“I’d love to, but I have other priorities now.”
Sho stared at their silhouettes on the rocky ground. Their figures seemed to merge in one.
“Though, you could just ask me directly, you know,” Nino said. “I won’t mind performing for you, no payment required. Or better yet, visit us at least once a week. I do need a little help with getting the meaning of some poems.” He then pecked his lips onto Sho’s cheek and, letting go of his hand, he ran off laughing.
And Sho let him run. He enjoyed watching the young man soar with his endless youth, and he wouldn’t mind his company at all. He was probably going to live longer than he had expected. After all, he wouldn’t want to miss out on all the fun he could have with the person he loved, and what could await him beyond that.
“How about giving me a business card with your phone number instead?” Sho yelled out.
And Nino yelled back, “I’m working on that!”
It's cute & lovely
(Anonymous) 2020-06-21 05:48 am (UTC)(link)