fic for dirtbaguette!

[nino_mod]

For: dirtbaguette
From: :3.

Title: Rainy Season
Pairing/Focus: Aiba/Nino, side pairings
Rating: PG
Word count: 33k
Warnings: past bullying, including brief mentions of violence
Summary: Nino had struggled most of his life, but living and working alone from now on meant everything would finally be simple. Or: In which Nino is a scientist but still somehow convinced that getting rained on will make you sick.
Notes: For dirtbaguette, with the hope that you'll find something you like. With many thanks to my usual person for being her usual wonderful self.

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Seven days before Nino turned 29, he moved into his new house.

He touched his fingers to the bare mattress, picturing it in the bedding set he'd had since his undergraduate days, and scrunched his toes on the wood floor. He'd make the bed, dig out his cozy rug, plug in the lamp on the bedside table, and that might be it for the day. No matter that he'd pushed himself through years of school, part-time jobs to pay for said school, and hobbies to keep him somewhat sane despite all of the above, no matter that he'd negotiated himself a ridiculously unique situation by sheer force of talent (not to mention wiles) and could settle in knowing he'd achieved goals he'd had since he was a young child, no matter that he'd even hired movers--the simple act of switching from one dwelling to a new one was enough to make him useless for the rest of the day. It didn't help that it was hot, it was humid, and of course, it was raining.

"Here's the last box."

Jun's voice, even when he was out of breath, was uncomfortably familiar to Nino. He hadn't asked Jun to help him move, and it made Nino feel itchy every time Jun was there for him with no reason. He didn't deserve that warm feeling. It wasn't like he wanted it, either.

"That one goes in the lab," he said distantly. "It says so right on the top." Most of his boxes had been staged by the movers, but some were important enough he didn't like to let anyone he didn't know handle them. Keeping this new situation required keeping the specifics of his knowledge to himself.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs. Nino hoped against hope that Jun would put the box where it went and go right back out the front door. Nino had a place of his own now, a place where he could live and work and make his small contribution to the world without dealing with other people. Jun, in turn, was in the last stage of interviews for a professorial position, and Nino, even if he put his bias aside, was certain he would get it. The two college misfits who'd turned their back on anyone they didn't need had made it.

He tried saying it out loud to himself.

"I don't need you anymore."

It sounded weak, and probably would read as lonely. Nino knew he'd have to do better. Jun wasn't one to give up without a fight.

He jumped about a foot as Jun cleared his throat behind him. "It's very clean in here."

Nino refused to turn, but he couldn't help a wry smile. "If you have something to say, spit it out."

"It'll hurt to see your slovenliness ruin such a nice place."

Nino wanted to protest. He kept things clean enough by most people's standards, even if he did tend toward loosely themed piles of stuff building up wherever they'd be convenient. But he figured Jun was trying to draw him out, trying to drag their dynamic back to their usual prickly ease, so he ignored the bait.

"The foundation hired someone to cook and clean on weekdays. It's in my contract."

Jun made a noise of surprise. "I can't believe the deal you got. Getting to work from home? Someone to take care of the house and keep you fed? Most researchers live in closets and have hellish commute times, you know."

Nino shrugged. "All part of the plan. If you make yourself a product no one else can compete with, you can set your own terms." He tried to leave it at that, but couldn't keep from adding, "Not that they liked it, mind you. No doubt I'll have to fight off their attempts to pull me into their regular system."

"My bet's on you," Jun laughed. "If you could negotiate a contract like this--"

Nino cut in. He didn't want this getting any longer than it had to. "My mom got her boyfriend to do the lawyering for me. I didn't even know about the maid until yesterday--she must have slipped in a word when I wasn't around." He didn't want the maid around any more than he wanted Jun, but at least he knew there wouldn't be any questions of friendship.

He made himself look at Jun. His one and only friend was easily offended, but he was also kind, competent, and absurdly handsome, not to mention smart as a whip. He'd never needed Nino as much as Nino needed him--had needed him.

Jun narrowed his eyes, reading Nino's face as a vanishingly small number of people could. He smiled. "Let's get takeout."

"I'm not hungry."

"Well I am, and you can eat the leftovers tomorrow."

"The maid starts tomorrow--I won't need it." Nino forced himself to meet Jun's gaze. "Go on, I'll be okay here."

Jun crossed his arms over his chest, losing the smile. "I'm ordering food."

Nino put his hands on his hips. "Then make sure you get them to deliver it to your place."

"Nino. You asshole." Jun took a deep breath, then tried again. "Nino. Who do you think is more stubborn, you or me?"

"Oh, you for sure," Nino said. "But in this case, I'm in the right. Thank you for helping me move, Jun-kun. Good luck with your new job, when you get it, and with your new life."

Jun considered this. "In the right?"

Nino wanted his sheets, his rug, his mindless smartphone game. He wanted to sleep so deeply it'd be like sloughing off the years of struggle. He was starting new, in a life he'd chosen himself and worked his ass off to achieve. He was better alone. Jun had to know that.

He waited for his only friend to give in and leave him. Jun sure was taking his time about it.

Finally, Jun stepped forward slowly, and Nino watched him stretch out a hand. Recognizing goodbye, Nino held his breath, considering whether he was really going to do this, then made himself take Jun's hand and shake it firmly. He looked at Jun's face, remembering him at twenty-one, all jagged emotions and relentless drive, and recognizing all over again how much Jun had grown into himself. Nino reminded himself that he didn't care that he wouldn't get to see who Jun would become from now on.

He looked down, eyes catching on their joined hands. Jun hadn't let go. Nino tugged experimentally, but Jun held on.

When he raised his eyes again it was with a frisson of anxiety. Letting Jun go was difficult enough without Jun making it even more so. Why had he even let Jun touch him just to say goodbye?

Jun spoke deliberately, hand holding tight to Nino's. "You can be an asshole all you want. There is nothing you can do to make me go away."

Nino yanked uselessly at his hand and gave into childish bluster. "I don't need you. Get out of my house!"

With his free hand, Jun poked Nino in the belly, hard. As if in cahoots with the enemy, it gave a loud rumble.

"You're hungry, and I'm going to feed you," Jun said. "Tomorrow I'm going to text you, and you're going to tell me all about your new maid. And if you get any ideas about trying to cut me off, recollect that I know where you live."

Nino inhaled deeply, let it out slowly.

He could try harder to drive Jun away--his acid tongue had been legend among his classmates--or he could give in. For one, it wasn't like he'd be giving in forever. They'd both be busy with their new lives, and it was natural that soon Jun would see that he didn't need Nino. Plus, by giving in now and letting it peter out on its own later, Nino would get free food tonight.

Thinking about sitting in his new house and eating takeout with Jun made some of his tiredness fade away. No doubt it was because he was hungrier than he'd realized.

Jun let him go with a last squeeze of the hand. "I'll order the food, and then as an apology for your behavior you can tell me all about that letter. You know, the one from that ambitious-sounding editor interested in your book?"

"You read my personal correspondence?!" Nino said, trying to sound more outraged than he was. He'd forgotten it on the kitchen table, and now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure it had just been lying there open like an invitation. He'd have to be more careful, have to keep Jun from getting too invested in something like this when it was time for his natural waning of interest.

"I didn't even know you wrote," Jun said. His eyebrows drew together for a moment in displeasure that Nino had kept something like that from him. "How in the world did you ever find time? If you were submitting to publishers, you must be serious about it, too."

"No, it's just a hobby," Nino said at once. "My mom submitted it. It's terrible--" He cut off, unwilling to talk too badly about something that had been such an escape for him from starting graduate school to finishing his PhD. "I liked building another world, that's all, like doing crossword puzzles to pass the time. It's really none of your business."

Jun's assessing eyes stayed steady for a further uncomfortable second before he turned away. "I carried all the heavy boxes, so I'm choosing the food."

Nino followed him, touching one hand to the doors of his new house as they passed. He listened to Jun debate the merits of various takeout options as they left his bedroom, went past the bathroom, the bath, down the narrow stairs with their unfamiliar creaking, his tiny office, the much more spacious room that had been refitted as a laboratory, another small bathroom, through the living room, notable for its lack of boxes or furniture, and into the kitchen, which included a dining area. The light was already on, and the table was clean and sturdy-looking, like it was meant to be used by a family three times a day. Nino pictured himself coming down in the morning and eating at the table like a normal person.

Jun had apparently decided what he wanted to eat and was dialing. Nino sat at the table on a matching sturdy chair.

He wouldn't come down in the morning. He'd set up the lab, probably going hungry until noon, then meet with the new maid to set out the plan to keep them out of each other's way as much as physically possible. His time would be in his lab, doing the pharmaceutical discovery work that kept him above the line of worthlessness, or in his office, crafting a polite rejection to the editor's unexpected letter, or in his bedroom, hooking up all the wires for his precious gaming equipment.

He watched Jun open cabinets looking for plates and curse at the realization that what little kitchenware Nino had was still in boxes. It felt strange that Nino's first night here, in the place he'd made for himself to spend a solitary life, would be eating at the table with a friend, but tomorrow was the true beginning. His loner nature could withstand a single sociable night without being warped into extroversion.

"What are you grinning about?" Jun said suddenly, his face exaggeratedly stern. "I told you to tell me about your book already."

Too sapped of energy to resist, Nino gave in to the chummy atmosphere. "If you must know, Jun-kun, it's a heist novel. One of the characters has a bad attitude and daunting eyebrows, but I mention that for no reason."

Jun whacked him lightly on the head like he had so many times before. Though it was a foolish feeling, unrelated to anything important, Nino was momentarily glad it wouldn't be the last time.

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Six days before Nino turned 30, he was waiting for his assistant to arrive.

I can't believe you actually hired someone. You did, for real, right? As I have been telling you to do for months as I watched you work yourself to a shadow of your former self? 😵👎

Nino rolled his eyes at his phone. Sure, he'd been working hard to keep up with the lab work on his own, and sure, he had been rather frantically making the edits to his first book ever since he had decided it was a waste not to get the money the publishing company had offered for it, but Nino had always worked himself that hard. He wouldn't be where he was today if he couldn't take it.

He sent a dismissive reply and turned back to look at his newest seedlings. They were scrawnier than usual, but he thought they might pull through. He shook out his aching shoulders and bent down to see if any of them needed pruning. His phone buzzed again.

"I am trying to work!" he complained out loud. With that out of the way, he checked to see Jun's next words.

I know you didn't hire them, it was just an expression. I was trying to be polite--some of us make that effort sometimes. Speaking of, I might be by this afternoon to make sure your new coworker isn't a convenient fiction. See how polite I am? 💜

Just an expression, indeed. He wouldn't confess it to Jun, but he'd suggested the added manpower to the foundation of his own accord. They had considered him an off-chance outlier at first, better to have than to let someone else have, but now that there had been signs of progress in his research they had been pressuring Nino for months to get him to join one of their fancy labs. On one hand, that way they would devote more money and people to his research, but on the other, it was his research, and he'd work in a regular lab over all of his coworkers' dead bodies. Sending another person to work in this weird solo venture hadn't been something they'd wanted to do at all, but when he'd started to hint about testing the waters with various other pharmaceutical companies, they'd given in.

Starting today he would have help, hopefully help that was actually useful, five afternoons a week. Given Nino had been working seven days a week for longer hours than he let anyone know, so long as he didn't have to see the new person very often he was exhausted enough to be grateful for them. He'd even switched from one of his usual ratty t-shirts to a Henley shirt, of which he'd bought a five-pack that had been deeply discounted online. The neutral colors felt somewhat presentable for working, and long sleeves made him less self-conscious about his scars.

He deliberately didn't answer Jun's last text and hunched down to do some of the endless pruning instead. Just as he was finishing up, there was a knock on the door.

"Leave it," Nino said shortly. He wasn't surprised when the door opened anyway and the comfortably tidy figure of his housekeeper appeared.

Ohno, a compact, sun-browned man not much older than Nino, was good at keeping out of Nino's way when it mattered, to the extent that during the week Nino sometimes forgot someone else was in the house at all. But his natural instinct to give the space Nino needed was coupled with a seemingly supernatural sense for when Nino's strictures could be ignored. For a while Nino had been suspicious that Ohno was trying to keep tabs on him for his employers, or maybe spying on him for a competitor, or even worse, trying to make friends, but after a full year of being around Ohno, Nino had realized it wasn't any of those things.

Ohno was simply a weird mixture of careful consideration and utter obliviousness, and he was going to do things his own way. Since he did keep to himself nearly all of the time, giving Nino the physical and emotional space he needed, and since, if Nino had to confess, there was something about him that was impossible to get mad at, Nino had given up trying to correct his sometimes unruly behavior.

Still, he couldn't let it pass completely.

"I believe I said to leave it, old man," he said, narrowing his eyes at his obstinate housekeeper. "Does your cleaning not include your ears?"

"Today is pasta," Ohno said happily, despite the bad mood he'd been in earlier about having to come to work. His dark, spiky hair was pushed back in a headband about which he was impervious to teasing. "Please eat it while it's hot." He set the tray down on what he called Nino's "science desk," as opposed to the desk in the office, which was his "writing desk," and then perched on a stool that was clearly chosen for its positioning to observe lunch being eaten properly.

"Maybe I'm not hungry. Maybe I don't like pasta, did you think of that?"

"You do," Ohno said. "Also, I have a strict cleaning schedule this afternoon. I need to get back to the kitchen."

"Oh, don't let me keep you." Nino sat with deliberate slowness at the desk, but made no move to touch his lunch.

"I need that tray to come with me," Ohno said, and he poked a finger at the tray like Nino needed an extra hint.

"Feel free to take it," Nino replied kindly.

"With the dishes." Ohno thought about this for a second. "With the empty dishes."

Nino gave him a dirty look. "You're saying if I don't eat, you won't leave."

Ohno scratched his ear, eyes going unfocused as his mind seemingly drifted elsewhere, and just like that, Nino's sudden decision to lay down the law and make sure Ohno knew that no amount of banter meant they cared about each other, and how dare he try to make sure Nino ate, etc, melted into what Nino named amusement but sometimes felt, if he were feeling uncharacteristically honest, like fondness.

But when it came down to it, he knew nothing about Ohno, and Ohno only knew the day-to-day routine about him, so it was a distant feeling that could be safely ignored.

He started to eat. The pasta was good, warm and satisfying.

"My new assistant will be here in about half an hour, diligent maid of mine. To make matters worse, Sakurai-san is coming for a meeting this afternoon, and on top of all of that, Jun-kun is threatening a royal visit."

Ohno smiled vaguely. "I'll make muffins."

Nino lifted his eyebrows. "What happened to your tight schedule?"

"Muffins make themselves."

That just didn't seem like it could be accurate, to Nino's mind, but he let it go. He enjoyed the intricate workings of Ohno's seemingly placid mind, but kept himself from being too interested. One friend he couldn't get rid of was more than enough.

"I'm done," he said about a minute later. Ohno's brow was scrunching up in preparation for an argument about the many noodles left on his plate when the doorbell rang.

Ohno's brow unscrunched. "It's okay. Later you'll eat a muffin."

While Ohno got the door, Nino washed his hands in the small downstairs bathroom, taking the chance to reset his mood in front of the mirror. It wouldn't do to seem too buddy-buddy with the newcomer.

When he got back to the lab, he got his first glimpse of his new lab assistant, and he hadn't needed the effort of making his expression look uninviting after all. On the contrary, it was all he could do not to back right out of the room.

The newcomer was alone, apparently another victim of Ohno's tight schedule, and fidgety. In the five seconds before he noticed Nino, his face twitched from excited to nervous to happy to stressed and back again, and his hands were fists at his sides.

He had reddish-brown hair on the long side, still damp from the rain but starting to curl against his neck as it dried, and a healthy glow to his complexion Nino had never come close to achieving even when he was little and able to play baseball. Despite obvious nervousness, there was a certain grace in that long-limbed figure that made Nino want to touch. He told himself firmly that he didn't touch people he planned to keep seeing the next day (and in this case, indefinitely...), but his normally compliant body ignored him. When the man turned his big eyes on Nino and immediately lit up with a blindingly beautiful smile, Nino's heart joined the rebellion.

For a second, he couldn't say anything.

The other man was opening his mouth to speak, looking more nervous and more delighted with every moment, when Nino snapped.

"What, you're too good for an umbrella? You probably dripped all over my wood floors."

That brilliant smile faltered. "What? I'm sorry..."

Nino shoved his hands in his pockets and shuttered his expression. He could practically hear Jun calling him an ass, and even worse, an irrational ass. What was it to him if this person let himself get soaked for no reason?

"You're Aiba Masaki, correct? Ninomiya Kazunari. I believe you received my email outlining your work duties here. You will perform those duties in the afternoon, and I will work in the morning. Report to me at the beginning and end of your shift."

He made to leave the room, but Aiba jumped forward and caught his sleeve. Nino jerked away like he'd been burned. He couldn't face Aiba, but he inclined his head just far enough that Aiba might feel like he could say whatever he needed to say.

"You're not going to show me what to do?"

This was a logical question. Nino oriented his body even more completely toward the door. "If you're halfway competent, you should be able to follow my written instructions without destroying my work. If you have any questions, well, don't. No. Write them down and give them to me at the end."

He actually heard the sound of Aiba whooshing into a deep bow. "I'll do my very best, Ninomiya-sensei!"

Nino hunched his shoulders. "If you have to speak to me, call me Nino." He fought with himself for a second longer, his desire to flee battling with his minuscule conscience less than his desire to protect his research, then spit out, "I will come to make sure you haven't killed anything in half an hour, but carry on like I'm not here." Somehow his mouth kept going, the panic he felt at this unexpected threat to his serenity spilling into words. "You have to be able to do this work alone, because I have other responsibilities in the afternoon, so if you're not suited to that--if you won't be happy here, maybe you should leave now so we can get someone else. You seem like maybe--"

"Ninomiya-sensei," Aiba interrupted. "Um, I mean, Nino--Nino-sensei. Thank you for your concern." He sounded a little closer than he had before, making Nino twitch uncomfortably. "I will do my very best to live up to your standards, so leave it to me." There was another whooshing noise.

Nino sighed. "Whatever. Get on with it."

He heard more enthusiastic promises to work hard, but this time he didn't pause. He made it to his office and shut the door, wishing it locked, then collapsed at his writing desk and put his head in his hands.

He'd known adding another person to the household routine was a mistake, however unavoidable, but this was beyond his expectations. If it weren't for the fact that they really shouldn't be overlapping hardly at all, he might have had to send Aiba back right away. The attraction thing could be easily ignored, of course, when he wasn't taken by surprise, but Aiba was clearly a people person. The very idea of working with a charming--with a beautiful--with a sociable person was enough to give Nino hives.

He shoved his worries away, though, because he had plenty to do and not enough time to do it. While he'd finally gotten the edits done on his novel, somehow that career-minded Sakurai had coerced him into signing a deal for a second book--and he figured that once the first one was published and it didn't sell, the offers would stop coming, which meant he'd been too weak, again, to turn down the offer. His work as a scientist put money in the bank, but more money meant more security, more satisfaction, more certainty that he'd be able to keep living on his own without needing the ties of coworkers, family, friends. On top of that, he wanted even more of a safety net in case his mom's fiancee turned out to be scum, as people were wont to do. After all she'd done for him his entire life, if she needed anything, ever, he was going to provide it.

Freedom came down to money, no matter how he thought about it. If some idiotic publisher was willing to give him money for another heist novel that wouldn't sell, even if it meant Nino barely had time to sleep (with gaming taking priority over something like that), he felt like he had to do it. It didn't hurt that he enjoyed the working relationship with Sakurai more than he'd expected, and now he'd come to feel that he didn't want to let him down.

Even with the pressure, though, it was hard to focus on the rough outline when all he could think about was having to go back into the lab and see Aiba. He fiddled with it until it had been 25 minutes, then rested his forehead on his desk for the last five just to show he wasn't having trouble waiting for the ordeal. While he waited, he compared his scrub pants and new shirt to Aiba's nice trousers and perfectly fitting button-down. He'd probably come off as a slob, though of course that didn't matter.

When Nino came in, Aiba was working properly. He was bent over one of the counters (Nino noticed he had to bend a lot farther than Nino himself) and carefully pruning. He was also talking to himself--or half to himself, and the other half seemed to be to the plants. While Nino wasn't much bothered by the grow lights, Aiba was sweating already.

"Nino-sensei said to leave the grafted parts alone, but clip anything natural that has reached, ummm, two centimeters in length, like this--oh, you are quite handsome, thank you for your contribution to science. Did you know, together we're going to reduce the effects of--oh my, is this long enough, too? Let's measure, ah! Just under, you can keep that one for now. But you're working so hard, your soil looks a bit dry. Nino-sensei said to measure the water and mark it down, because consistency is key, so let's just check in this binder here... you are due for water, my dear! Now where did that pencil go?"

Feeling at a remove from the whole scene, Nino saw the abandoned pencil on the floor by the freezer and picked it up. Then he realized the inevitable outcome of holding the object Aiba was seeking. His eyes went wide. Aiba was starting to turn, and he couldn't think of what to do, so he flung the pencil at Aiba's feet and swiftly brought his hand up to his chin like he was wisely observing Aiba in an entirely scientific fashion and not panicking and throwing pencils at all.

"Oh!" Aiba said, looking down at the pencil.

Nino scratched his chin contemplatively. He could hear his own pulse thumping. "You dropped it. Should I be concerned? There's a lot of glass in this room that I'm sure the foundation would rather not have to pay to replace."

Aiba let this pass with a level of tact Nino wouldn't have expected from his flustered first impression. He picked up the pencil. "I've finished this first set, Nino-sensei. I was about to move on to the next, as soon as I get this watering done."

"I'll check this set, then, and if it's good enough you can do the rest on your own." He recalled that Aiba would always be working on his own, so it wasn't like he needed to phrase it like that, as if there was some chance that Nino would be there working with him. "Since I'm so busy. Lots to do all the time."

Aiba peered at him with a touch of concern. "You do look quite tired, Nino-sensei."

Nino grouchily retracted his thought about Aiba's tact. He checked the first set, giving Aiba plenty of space as he watered, then retreated to the door.

Aiba stood at attention, clutching his pencil to his chest like a lifeline.

Nino grabbed the doorknob. "Good enough."

As he left, he heard a cheer. He turned for his office, a slight smile on his face, and nearly ran into Ohno.

For a moment, they just looked at each other. Nino tried to lessen the smile gradually enough that Ohno wouldn't notice the effort.

Ohno held out something shiny. "I made muffins."

"And here I thought they made themselves," Nino groaned, skirting around Ohno and the muffin pan to get where he wanted to go.

"I was going to eat a muffin, but then I thought that they're really company muffins, and it'd be a shame if I ate the first one."

"Huh? Company muffins?"

Ohno looked sulky. "I made them special. They're special muffins, Nino."

"Sakurai-san will be here soon. Or if you can't wait, Ai--the new assistant might be hungry."

Ohno pouted further.

Nino did his best to ignore this. He really wasn't hungry. "Just to warn you, since you haven't met much, but Jun-kun might not eat your company muffins either."

"Either?" Ohno said sadly. "Then I guess, maybe Aiba-san..."

Sometimes Ohno liked to pretend things. When Nino had finagled the cleaning company Ohno was contracted out from into letting Ohno wear clothes other than their uniform while working, Ohno had pretended to be angry for nearly a week. Nino looked at him closely, wondering if he were truly sad or if he were playing another of his unfathomable games.

Finally, Nino said. "What do you mean, maybe Aiba-san? I'm your boss, Ohno-san. I deserve the first muffin."

Ohno looked up, eyes lighting. "The first muffin? Wait, you are not, the name on my checks is always--"

"Not the point," Nino said regally. "I am your liege lord, if you squint, maybe, and I require the first muffin or--or I will demand satisfaction from any ruffian who dares to part me from it!"

Ohno just grinned at him.

Losing patience, and struggling not to grin back, Nino held out his hand. "Give me the damn muffin."

"Yay," Ohno said softly. He carefully examined each muffin, apparently trying to find the best one, then solemnly held one out to Nino. Just as solemnly, Nino reached for it. He stilled as he caught sight of Aiba, past Ohno by the door to the lab.

Aiba had a very strange expression on his face. Nino tried his best to read it, but then Ohno was turning to Aiba, and Nino could just sense that he was going to get sucked into something that would not do a single thing for his goal of living a solitary life, so he grabbed the muffin and made a break for his office.

He then realized the obvious next problem, stuffed half the muffin in his mouth, and opened the door again.

"This is a delicious, very special, certainly worthy of company muffin, Ohno-san."

Now that the muffins had his stamp of approval, he could hear Ohno graciously offering Aiba the second one as he closed the door. He sat at his writing desk, feeling discombobulated. Before he could do anything to get back to normal, the doorbell rang.

"Who will get the third muffin," he muttered to himself, shutting his eyes against what felt like the entire world in his space.

After a minute, there was a polite knock.

Nino sighed. "Come in, Sho-san."

"Good afternoon, Ninomiya-san. How is the writing going today?"

"It's not," Nino said bluntly. He waved Sho to the other chair.

"That isn't good news," Sho said, running his hands through his hair. He looked like he'd already done that several times today. His suit was more rumpled than usual, too. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I've told you to call me Nino. Ninomiya-san sounds like my father." He made a face. Sho looked like he wasn't quite sure what to do with that.

"Were there," he started, clearly trying to figure out how to sympathize about Nino's childhood or parents or some such. He struggled to finish his sentence. Suddenly he seemed to reach some internal consensus and said earnestly, "It is quite hard, isn't it."

Nino had no idea what specifically Sho was referring to, but he refrained from saying so. He might have more tact than some people and not say it out loud, but Sho look tired. He'd been a go-getter ever since Nino had known him, and he scheduled his days and accumulated stress more than seemed healthy, but in the past month or so he'd seemed less focused, more frazzled. The evident enjoyment in his work was still there, but muffled more and more by some other, less pleasant emotion.

Nino said abruptly, "Did you get a muffin?"

Sho's shoulders slumped. "I'm trying to lose weight."

As Nino watched, Sho twisted his wedding ring around and around on his slim finger. It looked like something he'd done so often he didn't even know he was doing it.

Nino thought of Ohno. He said with as much persuasiveness as he could manage, "Later you'll eat a muffin."

Sho sighed, then smiled at Nino. "Okay. Tell me about your writing? Sorry for coming so early--after this I have another meeting and then there's this networking dinner..."

Nino just looked at Sho for a moment. The doorbell rang again.

Sho startled a little, like he'd been close to dozing off in the few seconds since he'd spoken.

"Well, that decides it," Nino said firmly. "I'm done working for now, which means you're done working for now as well. Let's go see Jun-kun and eat some company muffins."

"Who's Jun-kun," Sho said tiredly. Then, "I could use a muffin."

Nino stretched a hand out toward Sho's shoulder, then pulled it back. He stared at it, marveling at this impulse to give comfort, and folded his fingers into a fist instead.

Sho might need a muffin, but he didn't need Nino. And Nino had endured entirely too much social interaction today--his insignificant emotions were becoming louder, threatening to take over. He needed a good long break to settle himself down.

He hustled Sho out the door, then pointed to the lab. "Collect Aiba-san there, then go to the kitchen. Tell Ohno-san my door is locked."

One of the things Nino most appreciated about his housekeeper was that even if a door didn't lock, he would pretend it did if Nino asked.

"What? Who's Aiba-san? Aren't you coming?"

"While you're at it, tell him to make sure Aiba-san borrows an umbrella on his way out. Have a good muffin, Sakurai-san."

Nino gave him a strained smile as he shooed him down the hall.

He pressed his cheek to the inside of the door and listened to Sho's footsteps shuffle slowly away. Ohno had muffins and got people even if he was weird. Aiba was approachable and seemed friendly. And Jun, well, Jun was going to take one look at the stressed-out shell that was Sakurai Sho right now and shift into caretaker mode, Nino just knew it.

Some people were meant to be close with others, and some weren't. Nino folded himself onto the small sofa he'd wedged into the back of his office and closed his eyes for a much-needed nap.

💦💦💦💦💦

Five days before Nino turned 31, he was struggling to bounce back from an excursion.

Filling out some paperwork at his science desk, for once he didn't have to try not to watch his assistant work. Aiba was done checking cultures already, so he'd moved to harvesting the buds in the latest of seemingly endless rounds of maturing plants. Nino normally found Aiba's intent expression and adroit fingers compelling, but right then he was worn out enough not to care.

After nearly a year of badgering, Jun had finally succeeded in getting Nino to give a guest lecture at his university. For most of his life, Nino had dealt with the masses at the various schools he'd attended, but after two years of his dream solo venture he'd gotten out of practice.

The lecture itself had been fine once he got going, given he could give a talk about designing new drug therapies in his sleep, but getting there had been enough of an obstacle that he hadn't had the pride to turn down Jun's offer to meet him at the house so they could go together. Getting home by himself after surviving the question and answer session had been even worse, with the constant rain only adding to his stress. He'd probably been home about fifteen minutes, but his nerves were still vibrating like he was in the crowded train.

Aiba was humming to himself now. Nino bunched his shoulders up defensively. He should really be grateful to Aiba, who'd come in even earlier than usual and was planning to stay late to make up for Nino's missed morning, with it being a constant hardship to make their quota. But all he could think was that any minute now he'd be able to go, transition to his writing work in the afternoons and be alone. He only had to wait until--

The door opened. Ohno brought in a tray crowded with dishes.

"Lunch for you both." He sounded smug.

Nino sighed loudly. "Too bad it has to be a working lunch for me. I'll take the tray to my office and leave Aiba-san's part here."

Ohno opened his mouth, no doubt to argue, but suddenly Aiba was there. He put a hand out to tweak the ruffle on the top of Ohno's apron.

"Maybe you'll keep me company instead?"

Ohno hesitated, leaning companionably toward Aiba. He shook his head. "I need to do some extra cleaning."

"That's right," Nino said, drooping further. "My mom's visit starts tomorrow, doesn't it." He loved his mom, loved seeing her, too, but he always felt like he had to pretend to be somewhat normal so that she wouldn't worry. Right then the idea of pretending was painfully tiring.

For a bit, the only sound in the room was the scratching of Nino's pen as he plodded along on his last form.

"Aiba-chan," Ohno said out of the blue. "I forgot the water pitcher. Would you mind getting it from the kitchen?"

Nino watched Ohno from the corner of his eye as Aiba cheerfully agreed and left the room. Aiba was straightforward, and he liked helping people, so he didn't stop to think why Ohno couldn't just go get it himself.

Ohno rested against the desk next to Nino's chair. "Could I put my hand here?" he asked, letting it hover over Nino's left forearm.

Nino tried to imagine Ohno's touch on his tense muscles. "No."

Ohno hummed understanding. "I don't think you should be alone right now."

"All I want is to be by myself." Nino felt himself getting smaller and smaller under Ohno's unwarranted concern.

"Let's wager. If you feel worse after eating lunch with Aiba-chan, you can hold it against me for a thousand years."

"Oh-chan," Nino sighed, forgetting himself for a second. "Just leave me alone."

Ohno waited.

His hand was very close to Nino's on the desk, but he didn't touch. Nino blinked at it slowly.

They weren't friends, they weren't, but there were times it seemed like Ohno understood him better than Nino did himself. Plus, somehow or other, he'd come to trust Ohno.

Even though Nino didn't think he was right in this case, it turned out he didn't want to make Ohno worry either, even if he had to sacrifice himself.

"A thousand years? Make it five thousand and we have a deal."

Ohno glared at him. "Two thousand or it's all off."

Aiba appeared with the water. "What are we talking about?" he asked brightly. "Hey, I found another tray, Nino!"

"You sit there," Nino said imperiously, pointing to the scrap of empty counter closest to his desk. "I'll eat here."

"I'll be back for the dishes." Ohno gave a bow and left.

Nino could feel Aiba's curious eyes on him occasionally as Aiba divvied up the food and relocated his tray to the counter. Nino's shoulders coiled in even tighter. Ohno's instincts were formidable, but there was a first time for everything, and this time he'd made a mistake.

But Aiba didn't say anything. Once he'd settled in at his stool he didn't press Nino by looking at him, either. After a few minutes of silence, Nino found himself looking at Aiba instead.

When his research had started to show tangible results, the demand for the fruit of his and Aiba's labors had gotten high enough that about six months ago he'd given in and asked for permission for Aiba to come in during the mornings as well. He'd gotten used to seeing Aiba around before that, but working in close proximity had worried him.

But now, with Aiba eating in silence off the tray he'd brought so that Nino could leave him all alone to eat, Nino thought for the hundredth time that Aiba was a comfortable kind of person. It was a different kind of comfortable from Ohno, who was a quiet force of nature, and even less expected.

As a coworker, everything was easy: Aiba learned quickly and worked hard. He wasn't afraid to speak up when he thought something they were doing could be done better. While he liked to chat while they worked, if Nino let the conversation die out he didn't push the issue, and even when Nino snapped at him, he barely ever seemed to care.

As a person, he was engaging and funny, and he gave every appearance of enjoying Nino's company, unlikely as that was. But Nino spent so much time trying not to be drawn to him that he was only just realizing that under Aiba's guileless charm, he had to be working just as hard at not poking any of Nino's many weak spots, being friendly without overstepping, making his kindness not just a trait, but actions.

"You must have pushed yourself this morning," Nino said, forgetting some of his own tiredness at the thought that even the boundless energy of Aiba might have worn itself out. "Remember you have approval to stay late this afternoon, so don't swoon or anything dramatic trying to get it all done on time."

Aiba smiled at him, nodded. He was eating at a faster pace than Nino and with much more enjoyment.

"You'll choke," Nino scolded, making himself look away from the way Aiba's black hair framed his handsome face. It had been months since Aiba went back to his natural hair color but Nino still wasn't used to it. He slid a dumpling around his plate instead. "Sho-kun's been trying to get me to sign for another book, but I won't this time. Then I can work here in the afternoons, too, and you won't have to--"

"No!" Aiba said, barely swallowing a gulp of water in time. "You love writing, you shouldn't stop!"

"Love?" Nino scoffed. "Writing? It's a hobby. What we're doing in here, it helps people."

Aiba just looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe we need another worker."

"Like they'd give me another. Besides, you're--" Nino stopped before saying 'in my way enough as it is.' Just like Ohno, Aiba wasn't his friend, he wasn't, and not like Ohno, he had to work not to let himself feel anything ... inconvenient, but it wouldn't hurt him to sometimes attempt a fraction of Aiba's kindness. He finished stiltedly, "--here. I mean, they probably don't even want to let me keep you, when all they want is for me to sell them my research so they can make it into a product even faster and profit off it."

Aiba thought for a second. He perked up. "How about an intern? We could draw from the colleges nearby."

Nino was already shaking his head just imagining the hassle, but as Aiba started listing potential matches he went still.

"What was that last one? Is that a women's college?"

"Oh yeah, you're right! I know it has a strong science department--a while back Matsujun-sensei mentioned collaborating with a professor there."

Nino thought about his mom, who'd be there the very next day, and about the idea of setting up a program to give opportunities to young women who wanted to make a career in pharmaceutical research.

"I'll think about it."

"Really?! I mean, oh good, I agree it's a good idea."

"It was your idea in the first place, idiot, and don't get your hopes up."

Aiba said offhandedly, "I have never been hopeful in my entire life."

Nino stared at him, then covered his face with his hands as he laughed. He peeked out to see Aiba goggling at him.

"You!" he said accusingly, pointing at Aiba. "You're ridiculous, you know."

Aiba smiled at him, suddenly all soft and happy. "I know. Hey, if it ever stops raining, we should eat outside! We could have a picnic--"

"No," Nino interrupted, immediately exasperated. He scrubbed a hand down his face as if to get rid of any lingering levity. "I'm not a dog, I don't need to be walked."

"That's not... just, wouldn't it be nice to be together in the sun--no, no, I'm done, don't yell!"

Nino, who had certainly been going to say something cutting but didn't yell, thank you, looked down at his food. He lifted another bite to his mouth because he was a little concerned that Ohno might traitorously report to Nino's mom that he wasn't eating enough.

Aiba bounced back quickly. "Or we could exchange contact information, I mean, just in case of--no, I know, you won't go for that. But, oh, how about you come to Sweets Club tonight? We have room for another member, since there's only me, and Oh-chan, and sometimes--"

"Absolutely not. Besides, I have plans."

"You're always saying you have plans," Aiba complained. "Wait, I didn't hear you say no about giving me your number!"

"I actually have plans this time!" Nino ignored the other part with ease of practice. "Jun-kun's taking me to dinner to thank me for my miraculously inspiring turn as a professor today."

"Oh, so that's why we're having our meeting at Oh-chan's place instead of just the kitchen!" Aiba seemed pacified. "Where's Matsujun taking you?"

"I should probably ask," Nino said unwillingly, getting out his phone. He really didn't want to leave the house again. He had to make an effort not to sound too ungrateful in his text to Jun.

The rest of the meal passed in comfortable silence. Though Nino didn't appreciate Aiba's attempts to make him exercise, or eat more sugar, or whatever that contradictory weirdness had been, as he finished up his lunch he realized, a bit reluctantly, that he felt ... better. He was still tired, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to get much writing done, and of course he didn't want to leave the house for the foreseeable future. Even so, he knew for a fact that five years ago, and probably even just a year ago, too, he would have desperately needed to recharge alone after so much stimulation, but today was different.

Though there were parts of himself that Nino chose to disregard most of the time, he didn't usually surprise himself. His friendship with Jun had been strange and sometimes ugly, and though they'd evened out for the most part, it still held a unique status for him. His dealings with Ohno had been different, somehow easy from the start, and it felt now like maybe Ohno was a safe person to practice social interactions with, not only because he was a laid-back sort of person in the first place, but because he and Nino were on the same wavelength in a lot of ways. When you added in Sho, a person Nino was actually excited to get to work with, and Aiba, who could be in the same room as Nino for hours on end without it becoming oppressive, well.

It seemed like maybe, just maybe, it could be time for Nino to acknowledge to himself that he might have more than one friend. As a side bonus of shocking developments, judging by the last half an hour, there might be times when he could recover from emotional tiredness with someone else.

Jun stuck by him. Sho strengthened him. Ohno accepted him. Aiba complemented him. When he added his mom and his sister, he could no longer count the people he cared about on one hand.

"I should be freaking out right now," he said aloud, and Aiba looked over with an inquiring noise. That perfectly Aiba curiosity, warm without being pressing, loosened something inside Nino. "Why do I feel better with you here? Don't answer that. You're wrong anyway. Shut up."

He dropped his head down to avoid an answer, alarmed by his lack of control and how Aiba might respond, but then he could hear Aiba moving--getting off the stool, walking in Nino's direction, coming close enough Nino's heart started beating entirely too fast.

"Nino."

Nino pulled his hands to his lap and shrank into himself, suddenly afraid he might be touched, even more afraid of what would happen to him if he were.

But nothing happened. Eventually, he chanced a look up.

Aiba wasn't there next to him, not looming over him or moving in to take liberties. He was across from Nino, crouched down, hands folded on top of the desk like he could've waited for Nino to look up all day. He was smiling.

"Aiba-ch... Aiba-san," Nino whispered. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be any louder. One of his hands lifted, as if of its own volition, from his lap to his stomach, to the edge of the desk, then over. He rested it there, barely breathing, but Aiba didn't move.

Nino had categorized himself into an unlikable, semi-defective, hardcore loner box for so long, but now, there were people who understood him. The look in Aiba's eyes right then made Nino think that maybe Aiba understood him a great deal. Might also even care.

Nino's hand crept forward. Not everyone was as weird about touching as he was--friends could touch. Jun still swatted him every once in a while, and he'd seen friends bumping shoulders, hugging, even holding hands...

And it felt like if he could just reach out enough to touch Aiba's hand, the rest would work itself out. If he could just get across that last bit of distance, over the desk to the golden tan and long fingers of Aiba's hands--

A loud noise from the side startled Nino enough he banged his knees on the desk. He cursed, gaze jerking up to Aiba's face. Aiba stood and came around the desk.

"It's your phone," he said gently. He picked it up from the desk and held it out.

Nino took it, careful not to let his skin brush Aiba's. He took a deep, deep breath, then answered the phone.

"Sho-san, how goes it?"

Sho sounded like he was rushing to get somewhere. "Everything is excellent as always, Ninomiya-san! Couldn't be better."

Nino's focus snapped from his current situation to Sho (who was, he realized all over again, one of his friends). "Great," he said carefully. "I'm glad you called." It was as close to asking why Sho was calling without asking--Sho's voice sounded so brittle right then he was afraid a direct question might somehow do damage.

"Excellent," Sho said again, pitch getting higher and higher. "Just excellent."

He didn't say anything else. He was really breathing very hard, and when Nino stopped to listen closely, it sounded less like the breathing hard of a person hurrying, and more like the breathing hard of a person trying not to have an emotional meltdown.

"Sakurai-san," he said, going with his instincts. "I actually desperately need you here as soon as possible."

He heard Aiba give a questioning 'hm?' from back across the desk.

"It's Aiba-san," Nino improvised. Except he couldn't think of anything but the one thing he really didn't want to use. "He's, uh, having breathing problems again, but he refuses to go to the hospital. Please hurry, Sakurai-san."

"Aiba-san?" Sho echoed, alarmed. "That's awful. I'll be there--except I can't be there, I have to go back to work, it's absolutely imperative that I finish all my work for the day, and then there's the paperwork to turn in for--well, but... wait, why do you need me again?"

Nino looked at Aiba and scrunched his face apologetically. "He respects you so much, he always tells me so. Thinks of you as a big brother." Aiba shrugged acceptance of this, or maybe even agreement. Nino thought wryly that Sho would make a good brother. Aiba probably thought so too.

"I'm really worried, Sho-kun." He dropped his voice down to a more personal pleading. "I need you here, I can't do it without you."

After probably a lifetime of being reliable, this had Sho's wavering voice going firm. "I'll be there. Hold on until I get there, okay?" He hung up.

Nino gripped his phone spasmodically. "Aiba-san, I couldn't think of anything else to get him here fast, but I swear to god if you so much as cough from now on I'm sending you to the hospital. The idea of using something like that, why couldn't I think of something else, that was so fucking scary and what if it happens again--"

Aiba shook his head. "It'll be okay, Nino. I'm sure you had a good reason, and I'm fine, the doctors said so!"

Nino started to argue against this foolish optimism, but Aiba interrupted, "And I will keep getting checkups and taking good care of myself, I promise. You didn't curse me, don't worry about me. What's going on with Sho-chan?"

Sho-chan? Since when was that what Aiba called Sho? Nino pushed the thought aside.

"I don't even know, but something's wrong. Would you go tell Ohno-san to make something especially comforting? Not the usual stressed-Sho baked goods, but something more substantial; pull out the big guns. I know he has an early end today because of my dinner out, so please apologize for the trouble."

"He won't mind," Aiba said with certainty. "But will he have time before Sho-chan comes?"

"It'll have to do."

Aiba nodded and hurried off.

Nino sat at his desk and thought about leaving Sho to Ohno and Aiba. Usually when Sho was stressed, Nino sent him to the kitchen for something sweet and a dose of Ohno's calming presence, but that had been before he'd realized they were friends, before he realized that maybe, just maybe... maybe he wasn't such a loner after all, not all the time, at least not anymore.

If there was something he could do for Sho, he wanted to try.

His phone pinged. Automatically, Nino flipped it over and poked open the text from Jun.

Thank you again for today, Nino. Considering the downpour right now, I'm tempted to make you dinner there. Should've thought of it sooner, but I assume it's all right? I'll bring everything I need, and you can stay in your ratty home clothes and laze about if that'd make you happy. I'll be by after work, probably around seven. 🌧🚈🎉

Nino stared at his phone. He didn't know how an asshole like him could attract such good people, but he had to have the kindest friends there were.

He clenched his fists on top of his desk. Then he ran up to his bedroom and got his coziest blanket and pillow, flying back down the creaky stairs to arrange them on the sofa in his office. He dragged his chair close. This time he couldn't falter; he had to be able to reach out and touch and give comfort, if Sho was able to receive it.

A knock, and Aiba came in. "Oh-chan says to leave the food to him. Is there anything I can do?"

Nino looked at him gratefully. "If you would, though I know it's probably not what you want to do, but if you could keep working? I'm sorry to ask, but you know if we miss even half a day, catching up will be awful." If it were just himself, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but the idea of Aiba having to work twice as hard tomorrow when he was already pushing himself more than Nino liked...

"Of course," Aiba said immediately. "You're right, Nino, good job thinking ahead! But if you need anything, please get me, okay?"

For some reason, Jun's text mentioning rain popped back into Nino’s head, reminding him of something he’d meant to tell Aiba earlier. He probably wouldn’t get a chance to say it once Sho came, so Nino made himself say it now as smoothly as he could.

"Well, also, I noticed you have once again forgotten an umbrella, but I happen to have bought an extra one for my own use in case of, uh, your forgetfulness being contagious. If you insist then I will let you borrow it when you leave. No need to beg."

Aiba gave an irreverent bow of thanks. "And I was just about to beg. Maybe next time!"

"Wait," Nino said, losing confidence in his ability to carry out his plan, even with such good intentions. "Maybe we should switch. I'll work in the lab and you help Sho-kun, okay?"

Aiba came over and put his hand very lightly on Nino's shoulder, just for a second. "Nino, he called you. He called you for a reason."

Nino kept his head down. He didn't say anything, and Aiba left.

Despite his awkwardness, Nino was feeling obscurely better not just from Aiba's words, but also that fleeting touch. He thought back to starting his day what felt like ages ago, early this morning with Jun at his side, and the guest lecture that had felt like a leap into the unknown, then all the time on the train when he'd worried he might not be able to keep breathing surrounded by so many strangers... to the meal he'd shared with Aiba, because Ohno had known, somehow, that Nino needed someone right then.

Right now, Sho needed someone. Nino wasn't sure he could be that person, but he'd done a lot of hard things today and emerged without permanent damage. Though he made a face just thinking it, his mom would say he'd grown. He pushed that thought away for one more practical: he had backup in two people better than he was, the caring sort of people, so all he had to do was try.

When the doorbell rang, Nino ran to get it. As soon as he saw Sho's face, he said, "Aiba-san's all right. I'm sorry I lied, but he's all right, please don't worry."

Sho's tense expression sagged with sudden confusion. "What? Why would you do that?"

"Sho-kun." Nino stepped into the open doorway, only half into his shoes. "I just wondered if maybe you might need a friend right now."

Sho looked startled. Nino sucked in a breath, hoped he wasn't about to make things worse, and reached out. His hand settled clumsily on Sho's elbow, slid against the fabric of his suit jacket, grabbed on.

"Won't you come in? Ohno-san's making food, but I thought maybe you could rest a while before that. Maybe, if someone like me will do, you could talk to me?"

"You've never touched me before." Sho sounded lost, but Nino didn't think it had anything to do with Nino's touch.

"Come in," he said, making his voice soothing. "You're letting all the hot air into my house."

Sho choked out a little laugh, but then his face went stricken, and the next helpless sound couldn't have been mistaken for amusement. But his feet still weren't moving, and Nino didn't know how to get him to that carefully prepared sofa.

He wasn't a touching sort of person, neither he nor his sister ever had been, and they got that from their mother. But once when he was little, when he'd been really sick, and miserable with it, his mom had smoothed his hair off his forehead, and said...

"I've got you," Nino said. "I've got you, Sho-kun."

The door closed behind Sho as he started to talk, and though at first it wasn't clear what he was even talking about, Nino didn't let go.

💦💦💦💦💦

Four days before Nino turned 32, he overslept.

In some part of his mind, he knew he was supposed to work today, even though it was Saturday, since they'd all decided to use today in place of the Monday they'd taken off to give Aiba a little longer of a trip home to Chiba. He'd get up soon and be useful, he would.

It was only that for some reason, getting out of bed felt like much more of an obstacle than usual. He had a hazy memory of sending Ohno away with whatever had been for breakfast, and the sound of his ring tone and notification ping echoed in his ears regularly enough to become part of his uneasy dreams.

Eventually, he managed to unlock his phone. Gratitude from Jun about his guest lecture appearance yesterday, plus a question of when he could take Nino out for the usual thank-you dinner.

Another time, thanks, Jun-kun 💛

It might've been a few missed calls later, but his next accomplishment was answering the phone.

"Mmm, nah, I don't wanna do a book signing."

He closed his eyes for a while, letting Sho's voice wash over him. It was a soothing sound: Sho had crashed on his couch for a while after his divorce, and Nino kind of missed him, sometimes, ever since he'd gotten his own place.

"Too many people, Sho-chan," Nino said simply, because that settled everything. Doing the guest lecture every term for Jun was more than enough interaction with crowds for him, right? He smiled as if Sho could see him. "Talk to you later, bye-bye."

He kept smiling as he stared at the blurry ceiling. He was messed up, but his friends still stayed. After a while, he realized anew that sleep was very strong today. He gave back into it with a sense of relief.

A loud noise, getting louder. Possibly it had been going on a while. Maybe that was just in his dream.

"Nino!"

Ah. Nino smiled involuntarily, a little giddy with that special happiness that popped up so inconveniently around Aiba. Right then he couldn't remember why it was inconvenient.

"Nino! I'm coming in, okay?"

Nino couldn't stop smiling in time, so he flopped over and smushed his face into his pillow. He wasn't sure why this was necessary, but the instinct was strong enough he did it anyway.

"Nino--"

"'s my name. You're in my room." Wait, that was true, really true. Aiba was in his bedroom. Aiba.

That realization was enough to get Nino to pull himself together, at least to the point of feeling truly awake for the first time that day. It was not a pleasant feeling--his whole body ached.

"Yes, because we have a science emergency," Aiba said seriously, hovering close to the door.

Nino twitched, his body wanting to respond but not quite achieving it. "A science emergency? What kind? Should you call the fire department instead of bothering me?"

Aiba sidled over his direction. As Nino ran through all the possible catastrophes that could happen in their lab, Aiba perched on the edge of the bed, just barely, to the extent that he was probably still holding most of his weight himself.

"The science emergency," he said, starting soft and getting louder as he went. "It's in your body! Nino, you are sick."

Visions of fires, floods, and mutant mice fading, Nino snapped blearily, "Get out of my room."

"Oh-chan's making you porridge." Aiba scooted a little more solidly onto the bed.

"Blech."

"And I brought you this from the convenience store!" He held out a garishly colored bottle.

"Umm, thanks. I'll be down in a minute, okay?" Nino shuffled around under the covers. He was pretty sure getting out of bed would be possible at any moment.

His phone chimed again. He scrabbled his hand for it, but Aiba was faster.

"I have not trained you properly," Nino mused into his pillow. "I'm going to have to be meaner. Starting tomorrow, because today I'm a little--"

"Today you're resting!" It was unclear whether Aiba was responding to him or just making a blanket statement. "You're sick. Matsujun will understand."

Nino squeezed his eyes shut in horror. "Did you tell Matsumoto Jun that I'm sick?"

"... Yes?"

"You unleash the hounds of hell on me and that's all you can say," Nino complained, voice fading despite the vehemence of his emotions. It felt good to keep his eyes shut, even though part of him wanted to keep watch on the Aiba intruder, so he left them that way.

Aiba was grumbling to himself. It seemed to be about Nino working too much, and how Aiba knew Nino often worked at night after everyone else had gone home, and now Nino was worn down to a nub and no wonder he'd gotten sick, and so on in that vein. Normally Nino would have a sharp retort to all this overstepping, but right then he found the sound of Aiba's husky voice worrying about him unaccountably soothing.

When the phone rang again, he didn't even bother to fight for it. He needed Aiba to go away. Ignoring him seemed like the best way to make that happen.

"Sho-chan? No, Nino's sick." Aiba tilted his head inquisitively at whatever Sho was saying.

He was so pretty. Nino lov--liked him very much as a friend.

"Go away," he croaked. He dragged his arm up and shoved his face into it to avoid temptation.

"Probably a fever? Maybe he'll let Oh-chan check. He's shivering and his voice is all hoarse."

"I'm just cold. I'll put on clothes, uhhh, more clothes, and working'll be warm..."

"Deadline?"

Aiba sounded alarmed. Nino peeked over his elbow.

"Nino, you have a deadline? Sho-chan says he needs a detailed outline by tomorrow or his boss will throw a fit."

Nino gave a tiny nod, relaxing back down. "It's on my writing desk."

"Oh, I think it's done, Sho-chan! Yay for book three on the way! I'll work on him about the book signing, don't worry."

"Not happening," Nino muttered.

"He says he'll think about it," Aiba said blithely. "And when you come pick up the draft you can stay for Sweets Club after all, double hooray!"

When Nino opened his eyes again, Aiba wasn't holding his phone. The light in the room was a little different.

Aiba leaned in. "I told Oh-chan to give you another little while. You looked so sweet, Nino--I mean, a little sweaty, but so cute."

Nino accepted that he was sick. It made sense to be flushed when he had a fever. "I'll rest today. You go work, Aiba-san."

"I'll go when Oh-chan comes back."

Nino tried to rearrange himself into a more comfortable position. He was hot, he was cold, he hated the covers, he needed them desperately. He settled onto his back with his arms on top of the blanket as a compromise.

But even then, he couldn't get back to sleep. His head felt full of mud, his mouth dry, his eyes itchy. He could feel the cold sweat Aiba had been so boorish as to notice. He shifted around fretfully.

Aiba angled closer again, eyes crinkling as he smiled down at Nino. "Want me to hold your hand?"

He looked amused, and concerned, and undeniably affectionate. Nino might have been making an effort with the touching thing lately, but Aiba was not included in that effort, so probably he should be saying no to the dangerous suggestion, right about now he should say no...

Aiba's smile widened. He took Nino's hand like it was nothing.

"I was gonna say no," Nino muttered.

"Of course you were."

It was probably only that he didn't want to move and accidentally pull Aiba closer or something, but Nino felt a smidgen more comfortable after that.

And anyway, he hadn't said yes, and he was sick. With all that plausible deniability to protect him, Nino admitted to himself that he wouldn't mind if this interlude lasted forever, flu and all.

The sound of Ohno at the door had Nino worming his hand free hastily. Afterwards, he remembered his hand was sweaty, and he closed his eyes to better worry about that. Aiba was probably grossed out.

Then he realized, this was Aiba he was thinking about. Aiba didn't gross out easily.

He daydreamed muzzily about the various episodes that had given him that knowledge about Aiba, each sillier than the last. After a while of that he felt a poke on his cheek.

"You're smiling."

Oh-chan's voice. He could smell porridge with brown sugar.

Nino forced open his eyes. "... Aiba-chan?"

"He had to go," Ohno said. He was all the way on the bed next to Nino with his back against the headboard and his legs stretched out. "The doorbell rang."

Nino sighed. "Crap. The new intern."

The corners of Ohno's mouth turned down. "I'll miss Yoshine-chan."

"Me too," Nino admitted. "But the foundation set the internship for six months, and besides, she got a real job."

"A job that pays?" Ohno smiled a little. "Jobs that pay are good."

"Taira-kun will be good, too, I think. At the interview she had me convinced I could retire and leave it all to her."

Ohno didn't answer, but it felt comfortable. Ohno didn't always feel like he had to answer out loud.

"I'll be behind tomorrow. Aiba-san'll have to work twice as hard. I won't have any time to write, and the idea I had for the ending will slip away before I can get it down on paper, and there's no time." He turned his face toward Ohno like maybe Ohno could fix it. "Why don't I ever have enough time?"

"You and Aiba-chan were holding hands," Ohno said as if it were the obvious reply.

Nino groaned. "Yes, your eagle eyes didn't deceive you. Not to complain, but he was a much better nurse than--"

Ohno reached over and grabbed Nino's hand. He let their joined hands rest in his lap. "There."

Nino would have seen that coming and not provoked Ohno into it if he hadn't been sick. His brain clearly wasn't working correctly.

On the other hand, this wasn't Aiba, this was Ohno, and Ohno was okay to touch sometimes.

Though somehow, confusingly, this felt different.

Nino looked at his hand in Ohno's. Ohno's hand wasn't as tan as usual, he thought. Maybe he was spending less time chasing the fishes.

But no, that wasn't the difference. He struggled to think of what it was.

Eventually, he gave up. "Oh-chan, why does this feel funny?"

Ohno huffed a little laugh. "Nino-chan. You don't usually let me touch you."

Nino screwed up his face, then regretted it. It only made his head hurt more. "That's silly. Touching goes both ways."

Ohno squeezed his hand and made a thinking face. Despite himself, Nino wriggled a little closer. He liked that Ohno always took his concerns seriously.

"You touch me for me," Ohno said at last. "This is for you." He looked down at Nino fondly. "Thanks for letting me do this for you, Nino."

Nino didn't know why, but something about Ohno saying that made him want to touch more. He thought, I think I probably could, but made himself read Ohno's expression again to check that Ohno wasn't just being nice.

Ohno tipped his head back and made a pleased face. "I was going to clean the bathroom, and now I don't have to."

Grinning, Nino turned on his side to squirm in close. His knees bent up against Ohno's ankle, and he pressed his face right up against Ohno's thigh.

Satisfied with his efforts, he murmured, "I know you like cleaning the bathroom, you weirdo." Ohno tended to approach cleaning like the house was defying him by being dirty and he had to enact a full-scale battle to bring it to rights. He often referred to the bathrooms as if they were a formidable enemy worthy of respect.

"Putting it off is nice, too." Ohno squeezed his hand again. "Sometimes I feel like I don't have time either. But right now, this isn't so bad, right?"

Nino nodded against Ohno's leg. Right then, despite his aching body and stuffy head, or maybe because of them, because he had to accept that he couldn't work that day, he didn't feel rushed. He had time to lie here, letting himself touch and be touched by his dear, weird friend.

Very gently, like he didn't want to scare Nino away, Ohno used his free hand to brush his fingers against Nino's head.

Nino didn't move. He was remembering how it felt to comfort his friends, and thinking that part of being friends was probably also letting them comfort him.

Also, it just felt nice.

Ohno combed his fingers carefully through Nino's damp hair, slow and steady, over and over.

It felt so good, in a way Nino had experienced only a very few times, that Nino's breath caught.

"Tell me something," he said hoarsely. He didn't want to make it awkward. Ohno talking would distract him, and he trusted Ohno to do what he asked without making him feel dumb for it. Then he had a horrible thought. "Wait, I'll get you all sick--"

"Maybe so," Ohno said agreeably. He didn't let go of Nino's hand, and the touch on his head moved to brush the hair off his forehead.

"I guess it's too late." Nino felt guilty that he might get his friends sick, but also glad there was little point in moving away now. How good it felt to be close to a friend gave him an uneasy sense that he'd have things to think about, but another perk of being sick was he didn't have to do it right then.

"Sho-chan had his first date since Keiko-san."

This felt out of the blue, but then Nino remembered he'd asked Ohno to say something.

"How did it go?"

Ohno's hand stopped for a second, then started again. "Not so well, I don't think. But he did it."

Nino did his best not to feel left out hearing about this big event only after the fact. He knew his friends didn't do it on purpose, and also knew that it was mostly because he was good at isolating himself despite their best efforts (and his own gradually increasing efforts). Sometimes it still hurt.

He swallowed. His throat really was very sore. "That's good, right?"

"Yes. He was very brave. I'm gonna make him a special treat to celebrate at the next Sweets Club."

Nino remembered Aiba's conversation on his phone. "Aiba-san said Sho-kun will be by today, and maybe staying for your club. Do you... should you go get ready, then?" He tried not to butt his head against Ohno's thigh demandingly. "I don't need anything. I should probably sleep anyway."

"Thanks, Nino," Ohno said quietly.

Even though Nino didn't want him to leave, it made him feel warm that he'd tried to be a good friend and succeeded. It was hard to keep trying, sometimes, when it felt like his worst tendencies would always win out, but there were times his perseverance bore results.

He waited, but Ohno didn't move. "Aren't you going?"

"When Matsumoto-san gets here. Oh, I thought of something else."

Nino was caught up in instant worries about disgusting herbal remedies. "Hm?"

Ohno bent over, looking at Nino much more closely from a reverse diagonal that made Nino's head spin dizzily. He whispered, "Satomi and I want to have a baby."

Nino stared. Ohno sat back up, looking very satisfied even mostly upside-down. "Satomi?" Nino echoed. "Baby?"

"Yeah. We've wanted to for a while, but it doesn't make sense." Here Ohno paused, then said like he was reminding himself, "We don't have the money, or the space. And we both work a lot."

"Mmhmm?" Nino managed. He thought it was possible he'd slipped back into nonsensical dreams, but this Ohno seemed to need the encouragement.

"But we just want to!" Ohno finished defiantly. "So we're going to, um... look at all the logistics and see if we can find a way to make it work." The last part sounded like a quote.

It was a very convincing dream, and even more convincing was how he could feel Ohno's body heat and the way those deft fingers still stroked his hair. Which meant that he had known Ohno for three years and not known some of the most basic things about him.

He said, trying not to sound accusing, "You never told me you're married."

"Ah." Ohno pulled the hand from Nino's head, making Nino crane his neck up to look. "See?"

Ohno was holding something gleaming. It was a silver ring, attached to a necklace that he had to have had under his shirt. He must have been wearing it there all along.

"It's been five years."

"Tell me more," Nino demanded. Rather than getting offended, Ohno chuckled. He let the ring fall to his chest and resumed petting Nino's hair.

He was quiet for a bit, but Nino could tell words were coming. He pushed his hot face back against Ohno and waited. His head was swimming more and more, but Ohno grounded him, making the misery more bearable.

"I work here all day," Ohno said slowly, giving Nino's nape a particularly sweet pat to make up for the reminder that Ohno was actually here all the time because the foundation was paying him. "And Satomi works longer hours than me. She gets home tired, and sometimes I'm cranky--"

"No!" Nino interjected, like he couldn't believe the very idea. Ohno flicked his ear.

"But even just having to do the chores, somehow it's okay," he finished. "Together, things are fun, you know?"

Nino didn't really know, having never had someone like that, but he nodded anyway. The contentment in Ohno's voice spoke volumes.

He wanted to know more, wanting to hear anything Ohno would be willing to tell him. He felt like he'd been missing out for years. But he was getting groggier and groggier, and somehow he couldn't get another question out.

Some time later, Nino surfaced to find Ohno still there, his hand propped casually on Nino's head.

Like an armrest, Nino thought, but there was no bitterness to it.

"Oh-chan?"

"I think Matsumoto-san's here," Ohno said softly. "Do you need anything before I go?"

Nino clutched his hand. "Tell him I'll drink the one in the green box. Not the others. Especially not the blue one, tell him not the blue box."

Ohno made an impressed face that felt like hidden laughter. Nino was sure he wouldn't be laughing when he got sick and it was his turn to experience how horrifying a taste could be.

"Other than that, leave me to him," Nino said more calmly, and he took his hand from Ohno's so that he could wrap both his arms around Ohno's knees and squeeze. Just as casually, he added, "No matter what you hear, leave me to him. It could get grisly up here, Oh-chan."

Ohno looked down at him with owlish confusion. "Grisly?"

After a brisk knock, Jun entered. He narrowed his eyes at Nino briefly, then nodded a polite greeting to Ohno.

"I've got this, Ohno-san."

Ohno didn't move right away. Jun had a tendency to act like he owned the place anywhere he went, but Ohno could be stubborn, too.

"Matsumo-san," Ohno said, making Jun twitch. "I'll just heat up Nino's porridge and come back, then."

"We're not quite to the porridge stage," Jun said flatly. He turned his appraising gaze back on Nino. "Give me half an hour." He cracked his knuckles menacingly. "Forty-five minutes tops."

Not bothering to check that Ohno would comply this time, Jun went back to the hallway. He returned with an enormous duffle bag that had Ohno's eyes going even rounder.

"Nino, I brought clean sheets. What do you suppose you have to do before I let you lie on them?"

Nino said sulkily, "Shower." He clung to Ohno like Ohno could protect him from this travesty.

"And?" Jun said ruthlessly.

"Clean clothes," Nino sighed. Though it was hard to picture anything feeling refreshing right then, in his sweaty pajamas and twisted sheets, he knew from experience that he wouldn't regret it after. However, there was a certain way this went. With his body rebelling against him, it somehow made him feel a little more at ease to stick to tradition.

Jun looked back to Ohno and smiled. "After that we would be very glad of your porridge, Ohno-san. It smells delicious."

Ohno went cheerful at once. "I'll make you a bowl too, Matsumo-chan!"

Jun's face softened abruptly. Nino held on tighter to Ohno's knees, sensing oncoming betrayal.

"We do have clean sheets here though," Ohno added.

"Mine are nicer. I'll take all this with me when I go, too, so you won't have to wash them."

Nino knew laundry wasn't one of Ohno's favorite enemies. He let go of Ohno's legs with a despairing moan.

Ohno got up and went over to Jun. He held out his hand, like they were coming to an agreement. Looking bemused, Jun took it and shook it firmly.

Ohno held on an extra second. "The green box," he said sternly.

It looked at first like Jun was going to argue, but then, unexpectedly, he shrugged. "That'll do."

Nino sent a silent but fervent thank-you Ohno's direction. As long as it was just the green box, he could get through the impending carnage.

As Ohno left, though, Nino met Jun's eye and smirked.

Jun glowered back as he removed his jacket (he'd recently started wearing the ones with elbow patches, which was hilarious but also somehow suited him) and rolled up the sleeves of his button-down shirt. They both knew Nino wasn't going to make it easy for Jun. Despite what the people downstairs might think when the ruckus started, they also both knew he'd feel better afterward.

"Please take care of me," Nino said snidely. He twined his hands into the bedding and took a firm grip.

Jun grinned at him. "Oh, I intend to."

💦💦💦💦💦

Three days before Nino turned 33, he ate breakfast in the kitchen for once.

Tonight he was having dinner with his mom, who was in town only long enough for a quick visit before embarking on an around the world cruise the next day. Though Ohno had been the one to cook breakfast for Nino and Jun, they'd decided this still counted in place of the usual thank-you for guest lecturing.

He was starting work a little late to have this meal with Jun, but it gave Aiba and Nagano some space to settle in. While he didn't think anyone could live up to Kuroshima, Jun pointed out that he always felt like than when an intern left.

"It's too bad we can't keep Kuroshima-kun on, too," Nino said regretfully. "We could use the extra hands, though at a certain point the lab starts to feel like a tin of sardines."

Jun made a noncommittal noise. Nino eyed him suspiciously while pretending not to.

"They're barely letting me keep the one position," he continued, testing out his idea that Jun had something he wanted to say on the current theme. Usually Jun was blunt about his opinions, but every once in a while he displayed an annoying habit of deciding to let Nino figure something out on his own. "They haven't given up on me turning over all the work to them, the vultures. My life's work!"

Jun snorted at this. "You're what, 32?"

"Down the drain for their profit!" Nino considered adding something on about Jun being even younger and still managing to act like a stodgy old professor, but thought better of it. He could sense that Jun was close to breaking about whatever it was he wanted to say.

He watched Jun take a meditative bite of cheese souffle. Ohno had been fighting against the fussy dish all last week in order to give them something special. Nino thought that it might have been more special if he hadn't been fed all the failures, but Jun did seem impressed.

Nino fished a sliver of pear out of his salad. He had more questions about the topic before this one, because while Jun complaining about his colleagues occurred frequently, it wasn't often he opened up and talked to Nino about his research. But if he went back to that now, he'd never get to hear what Jun really wanted to say.

Jun took a sip of his sparkling water. It was garnished with strawberries, because Ohno had the notion in his head that Jun was fancy. Despite Jun liking things to be correct, he was more focused on flavor than elaborate presentation, but it made Ohno too excited to try to be fancy for Nino to disillusion him.

"To me," Jun started. He adjusted his glasses like he was considering whether to give his opinion or not. Nino tried not to look too eager. "As my personal opinion, I don't think it sounds like such a terrible idea."

"What?!" Nino hadn't expected anything like that.

Jun sighed. He put down his spoon with some finality. Nino kind of wished he'd turned the conversation back to eukaryotic microorganisms.

"You're basically doing two full-time jobs, Nino."

Nino rolled his eyes. "Writing's not a job--"

"--And you only love one of them."

"So you're saying I should sell the work I love to some soulless company?"

"First off, if they were some soulless company, you wouldn't have been working for them all this time. You're just trying to make it more black and white than it is so that you don't have to think about it. Secondly, I meant writing."

"Writing is a hobby. What we do in that lab, that's how I contribute to the world."

"I think you devalue your writing," Jun said calmly. This was a conversation they'd had before. Jun was always trying to talk to him about his books. "But even if you weren't, selling your research to the foundation would help more people in the long run. You can't keep up with demand, you haven't been for years, and besides, it's arrogant to think that there isn't anyone in their labs that can better your formula."

Something about Jun's calmness made Nino feel like his world was already crumbling. "I've put everything into this work. I'm supposed to give it away for money because you think it's more logical?"

Jun shrugged. "It's only right that you receive compensation for your efforts, but if it bothers you that much, turn it into a scholarship. Your interns could tell you how hard it is for women in science to get funding."

Nino drew in a breath, let it out carefully. When he was a kid, his mom had often talked about how she'd wanted to be a scientist, and how it had been made very clear to her wherever she went that there was no place for her, no matter how much she worked. When he'd been deciding what good someone like him could possibly provide the world, he'd chosen science for her.

"You could work as a mentor as well." Jun was unrelenting. "There's always a student or two in my class who's promising but doesn't know what to do with themselves. You're pretty much doing that with these interns; why couldn't you keep doing it?"

His research, given the time, funding, manpower it deserved. The money for it, put to scholarships for women interested in scientific study. He could even put the scholarship in his mother's name. Mentoring... seemed like something someone better should do, but maybe it wasn't so foolish an idea. Maybe there really were other ways he could contribute.

"I'd expect you to keep up the lectures as well, by the way. We have entered into a social contract." Jun took his spoon and tapped it against a dish, as if the souffle were a key part of their negotiations.

Nino tried to smile cheekily. "I know I'm a giver, Jun-kun, but..." He trailed off, not able to keep up any pretense of nonchalance. "This is too much."

"I know. But you can't keep up like this." Though Jun's words were matter of fact, his tone was sympathetic.

Nino couldn't keep still, thinking about what Jun was saying. He fidgeted and tapped his fingers and cast his eyes around the room. Jun was clearly giving him space to think, but it was too much to think about, it was all too much. But on top of all the legitimate concerns, there was also the one aspect he really didn't want to acknowledge, because it shouldn't factor in at all.

"How do I let it all go?" he said instead.

Jun saw through him, as usual. "Just because he wouldn't work here doesn't mean you couldn't see him."

There was no point to it, but Nino lied anyway, "I wasn't thinking about Aiba-san, if that's who you mean. Who cares if he leaves?"

Jun smacked his hand on the table, making Nino jump. "Oh good! Then you won't mind me saying that this job is holding him back. He could do more than be your assistant, he just likes it here too much to leave."

Nino shook his head. This was starting to feel like a nauseatingly real possibility. The things Jun was saying were making sense to Nino not just in terms of logic, but what he felt, maybe even what he wanted.

He wanted his scientific work to contribute to the world, but didn't want to join someone else's lab. He wanted to keep doing his very small part to support the never-ending fight for gender equality in academia. He wanted to keep writing, but didn't have enough time to do it. And, though it shouldn't matter as much as the other things, he'd been feeling guilty for a while about Aiba, deep down. Though the idea of not seeing him regularly was unbearable, it was selfish of him to have kept him this long.

"You're not wrong," he conceded finally. "I... I'm not ready. Jun-kun, I might never be ready."

Jun laid his hand atop Nino's. "I think you either do it or you don't."

Nino turned his hand over and grabbed on hard. Jun let him, not complaining even as the seconds turned to minutes and Nino still agonized.

At last, the tension in Nino's body drained away, leaving him with resignation and more than a little fear. His hand relaxed in Jun's without letting go.

"Nino." Jun twisted closer with a serious expression. "It wouldn't have to be tomorrow, or even next month. You can go slowly."

Nino nodded. A lot of things he'd been putting off thinking about, some for years, had just crashed down on him. He'd never feel ready, but if he decided to do it for real, and he took it step by step, maybe he'd come out the other side intact.

"And don't forget you have friends." Jun pulled away and settled back into his chair, arms crossing over his chest. He looked more like an off-duty king than Nino's guest. "Friends who'll support you, but also shove you back in the right direction if you mess up."

Nino smiled suddenly, feeling strangely relieved. He didn't trust his own instincts when it came to choosing the right path. He'd chosen this one a long time ago and never let himself think of any other. He was afraid his own deficiencies would lead him astray, maybe far enough that he'd lose what little he had to give, and above all else, he didn't want to be worthless ever again.

But Jun was right. He wouldn't let Nino ruin his life, and neither would Ohno or Sho. He was surrounded by good people. He could take a risk or two without worrying it would lead to complete destruction, not with these people to set him right.

But letting Aiba go...

Ohno bustled in wearing his apron and headband, looking impossibly cute. "Well?" he said impatiently, jabbing a finger at the mostly eaten souffles.

"Delicious," Nino said automatically, realizing something else as he watched Ohno's face light up. "You've outdone yourself, Oh-chan."

The foundation paid Ohno's salary. There was no getting rid of Jun even if he wanted to, and keeping on with writing meant he'd still see Sho. It was past time to say goodbye to Aiba. Admitting that to himself felt like sticking his hand in a blender.

But what about Ohno? What could Nino do to keep this precious dingbat in his life?

For once, Jun misread his expression. "Go talk to him already," he said, waving a hand in the general direction of the lab.

Nino poked Ohno in the side as he got up. Ohno danced away like they were in a choreographed fight scene.

"While you're gone, Ohno-kun can tell me how he made these souffles," Jun said, turning a sweet smile on Ohno.

After poking Ohno one more time, resolving that he'd figure out some plan to keep him around for good, Nino made for the door. The next step, no matter how much he wanted to avoid it, was talking to Aiba.

"Oh, it was nothing," Ohno said grandly from behind him. "I just threw these old things together on a whim."

Nino talked to Aiba in his office while they had Nagano fill out some paperwork in the lab.

"I know this seems sudden," he said toward the end. He gripped the edge of the sofa cushion tightly with the effort of only saying the things that needed saying. "It's not like there's zero chance I'll change my mind, but you should operate under the assumption that it's happening."

"How long?" Aiba asked.

"I've been trying not to think about anything like this for a long time." Nino knew Aiba deserved that truth. "But today, when I looked at the situation more honestly... it's already starting to feel inevitable."

Aiba shook his head. "I meant, how long do we have together?"

Nino's heart jumped. Together.

"Ah, yes," he said, trying for a professional tone. "Right now I'm thinking six months. That'll give us a chance to work with Nagano-kun for her full term, and we can do a careful transition of our work. Granted, I haven't mentioned anything to the foundation yet, and they'll probably take a year or so to get over the shock of me giving in."

"Six months." Aiba looked down. It was strange to see him so still when he was sitting on Nino's rolling chair. The times he'd wheedled himself a seat in it before, he'd always ended up spinning around wildly, laughing that happy hyena laugh.

Before he'd gone into the lab to get Aiba, six months was what Nino had figured to be the best amount of time for this proposed transition. When he'd decided, it had seemed like he was really dragging his feet, but now, looking at Aiba... it felt horribly short.

He cleared his throat. "I will, of course, provide you a glowing reference--"

Aiba stood suddenly. He looked down at Nino, making Nino's pulse race with the silent intensity of his expression, but then, just as abruptly, turned and left the room.

It took Nino a while before he could breathe properly again. Once he managed it, his next step was calling Sho. Of all the people he had to talk to about this potential development, he expected Sho to be uncomplicatedly happy.

In his own self-absorbed stressing, he'd forgotten Sho had experience with big life upheavals. The conversation turned into Sho talking Nino through a little low-key emotional devastation, but ended with Nino more resolved on the scary new plan than before.

It was easier after that to talk logistics. Nino wasn't going to focus on writing if writing couldn't pay the bills, but Sho thought that it was a pretty safe bet. His first book had ended up with decent sales, and his second book had performed even better. According to Sho, there was a sizable fanbase waiting for his next book, which Nino couldn't quite believe. Sho said this would give Nino bargaining power for his next deal, which, now that he was ready to commit, should be for multiple books.

With a more solid idea of being able to support himself with writing, Nino steeled himself to call his mom. Though he knew she'd support him no matter what, he wasn't sure what her first reaction would be.

Her first words when she answered the phone were, "You do know I'll see you tonight, right?" but when she heard his tone, she listened to what he had to say carefully.

After talking to Sho, he was more able to put it concisely, with far fewer roundabout excuses, but it still took a while. When he finally petered out and fell into anxious silence, it took her a moment to respond.

"Kazu. I've always been proud of you. You had such a hard time growing up, and I blame myself for a lot of it--"

"No," Nino got out, his throat too tight to say anything else.

"--but despite everything you turned into this wonderful person doing wonderful things." She was silent for another few seconds. "There were times it felt like your choice of career was for my sake. As proud as I am of you and all you've accomplished, my number one hope is for you to be happy."

"I wanted to do it for you. I should keep going, I should do more..."

"There have also been times I thought your choices were in opposition to mine. With you seeing how I was while you were growing up, the problems with your dad, and my job, and never having enough money... how I couldn't protect you, and how the other kids made you suffer because I couldn't. Even when you were grown up, I could see it in you. What you valued and how you were with people. The way you think you can't protect anyone but yourself."

Nino couldn't say anything. He thought he'd put it all behind him years ago, and thinking that it still affected his decisions was an awful idea.

"I'm happy with my life, Kazu. And you, you got through all of it. You saw me at my weakest for longer than I can bear, but you came out so strong."

Nino shook his head helplessly. "I'm not strong."

"You are," his mom said firmly. "I know you. If this is what you want, you can do it. Decide what you want for yourself, and I'll support you."

"Mom. I wouldn't be here without you."

"Same goes for you, you know. Look, I need to get going or I'll miss the train. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Nino let himself doze off after that. There was only so much he could handle without a break.

He woke to a knock, then Ohno peeking his head through the door.

Nino smiled sleepily. "Just the person I wanted to see."

"It's lunchtime already," Ohno said. He came in hesitantly, eyes resting on Nino for a second and then moving away. Nino didn't know if he'd heard something from Jun or Aiba or if he was just reacting to the fact of Nino napping during work hours.

"Could we eat together?" Nino asked. A plan was starting to coalesce in his mind concerning Ohno, but it was something he couldn't work out any further without talking to the person himself.

Ohno looked at him warily. "Give me a hint."

"The preview of the talk is this," Nino said, lifting his hands like he was framing a shot for a movie. "Take me and you, and look to the future, and think about Satomi-san, and maybe even a baby, and add in some heists but subtract some science, and then--"

"Wait," Ohno interrupted. "I don't even know what a heist is. Does it have to do with making a baby?"

Nino just looked at him, then sighed. "Let's go eat and I'll tell you all about making babies, okay? I'm a scientist, after all."

Despite the joke, he was surprised by how comforting he found it to say that. No matter what, he was a scientist, too. He had his education and his experience, and if writing fell through, he could come back to this.

During lunch, Nino's nascent idea surprised Ohno into tears, but Nino was pretty sure they weren't sad tears. When he was able to think about the living plan and how it might actually work, Ohno had a lot to say, and Nino was hopeful that they might be able to figure something out together, though not just the two of them, of course.

Afterwards, he checked in on Aiba and Nagano. He was worried that his morning off meant they'd be slammed, but it turned out Mei, as Aiba was already calling her, was a quick study, so he had the afternoon to write after all.

There was no way he could focus. He lay on the sofa and just thought about things. What did it mean to live for himself? Wasn't that what he'd been doing all along, living in pursuit of his own selfish goals? And could his mom be right that some of his choices were in response to seeing hers--like, for example, if he had to specify one thing or another... his romantic choices?

While he'd evolved a great deal in the last few years, this next one looked to be even more momentous. He had to think about not just what he wanted, but what he could achieve, and he had to do it in a way that considered what was best for those around him as well. He had a suspicion that thinking too much about what his mom had said might stress him to the point that the whole overwhelming ordeal tipped over into impossibility.

He couldn't do it all at once. After he got settled into his new life, assuming that he was really going to choose this madness and that he would make it work somehow, then... then he would have to sit down with himself and think about what connection his mom's words might have with his various choices.

He realized he could hear someone pacing in the hallway outside his door. It seemed he wasn't the only one fighting with internal issues.

Nino called, "You might as well come in, Aiba-san!" He sat up, watching cautiously as Aiba did so. He loved this person, far too much. He had to be careful.

He was prepared for another round of questions about his career change, but Aiba surprised him.

"Sorry to bother you, Nino. I was just thinking, there's this new restaurant that opened just a ten-minute bus ride away, and it has ramen, and I know you like ramen, and maybe, if you liked, we could go together?"

"Always with the restaurant recommendations," Nino chided, feeling on familiar ground. "You and Oh-chan, both constantly trying to feed me. But he feeds me here, so he wins. Anything else?"

After a moment, Aiba perked back up. "What about the batting center? Matsujun mentioned once that you played baseball as a kid, and we could--"

"No." This time, Nino didn't bother to pretty up his answer. Early on in elementary school, his bullies had found him playing baseball after school as if he were a normal kid, and he'd ended up with a broken wrist. Since then he hadn't had any desire to touch the sport. "I'm not doing that."

There was barely any gap before Aiba was firing off another idea. "We could go see a movie! Since you're a writer, and writers need inspiration, so, how about that, maybe some Friday night?"

Nino hesitated. Aiba was often giving him activity suggestions like this, as if he thought Nino's life was barren of all enjoyment or something, but this felt a little different. Maybe while he was angsting about losing Aiba in his life, Aiba was making plans for them to continue on as friends?

It was tempting. Nino had gotten better at letting people in, and sometimes it felt like the next step of that was getting over his obtrusive feelings for Aiba and letting him in more as a friend as well. He wasn't sure exactly what made him hesitate.

Except that, somehow, he felt like he would hurt Aiba. He wasn't sure why he thought that, or what he thought might happen, but his conviction was nonetheless strong. He had the irrelevant thought that his mom might have been able to explain it to him, but he pushed that away. What was obvious here and now was that he couldn't hang onto Aiba just because of his own selfish feelings. Aiba deserved better.

But making their parting clear to Aiba now... he couldn't. In one day, to go from thinking he'd be seeing Aiba for the foreseeable future to saying goodbye, even one that wouldn't be put into motion yet, he just couldn't. He thought back to Jun saying he didn't have to make all the changes right away.

He met Aiba's eyes. "Ask me again on our last day."

Aiba brightened. For such a small concession, he brightened far too much.

Nino added bluntly, "I'll probably still say no."

Aiba's face fell just as fast. He took a step forward, then another, until he was close enough that Nino could have touched him.

"Why?"

For all his gnarled logic, Nino wasn't sure he actually knew why. He didn't think 'you deserve better' would go over well, either. "... I'm sorry."

He watched miserably as Aiba struggled to control himself. But then, for once, Aiba seemed not to be able to keep himself at the distance Nino was requesting. There was open distress on his face and pleading in his words.

"Nino, please. It doesn't have to be like this. I mean, who will buy me umbrellas to keep me dry? Who will I tell about my family and our animals? Who will get Oh-chan to make me food I want to try?"

Nino swallowed hard. He needed Aiba to give up before the reason Nino was doing this became inexplicable even to himself. He tried for lightness as he said, "You do lose a ridiculous number of umbrellas. It might be some kind of condition."

Aiba wasn't derailed. If anything, there was more emotion in his voice than before. "What will I do without seeing your five almost identical shirts? Or watching you and Oh-chan wrestle over who has to check the mail? Nino, I've barely even seen you outside this house. You've been letting people in more and more--why am I the only one left out?"

Nino looked down, lifting a hand in a silent plea for a moment to think.

Careful. Figure out what to say before you blurt out something you can't take back.

With the person he loved making Nino confront his shortcomings, he saw that his mom was right. Seeing her crippled by love, making the wrong choice over and over again in the hope it would turn out differently, dealing with the aftermath as she fell apart again and their small family fell into poverty with her, those experiences had made him a certain way. It felt like he was a baseball player with one hand tied behind his back. He couldn't undo the knot without time, so he had to find a way to fight as he was.

Looking at it in terms of right now, Aiba either loved him back or didn't. If Aiba didn't feel that way about him, then Nino, as he was, couldn't let him all the way in. In that case, he'd keep hurting Aiba. If by some miracle Aiba did have the hots for him, different problems arose. Nino, as he was, could admit his feelings to himself all he wanted, but he knew he wasn't yet ready to act on them. It could be years before he untangled the knot, if ever. In that case, too, he'd keep hurting Aiba.

In terms of the future, there was a possibility that given time apart from Aiba, Nino's useless feelings would fade. He was going to bet on that hope, that someday he'd be able to meet Aiba again and be his friend for real, because that was what would give him the resolve to make a clean break now.

He cleared his throat and looked back up at Aiba, who straightened up a bit in anticipation of Nino's answer. How was it someone so irrepressibly bouncy and enthusiastic at times could be so patient when it came to giving Nino space at others?

"I hope you will stay until the end," Nino said. "You have been a moderately adequate assistant."

He'd worked to get his voice to come out steady, but as he maintained eye contact with some effort, what he'd just said rang in his ears. The words themselves had been fine, but the tone, somehow that had come out chock full of Nino's hidden feelings.

He couldn't look away from the emotions shifting across Aiba's face. To have decided not to confess, and then maybe give himself away accidentally had his heart hammering wildly. This was no carefully thought out step, it was a mistake, it was all a mistake. Who was he to love Aiba?

In his anxiety that he might have betrayed himself at long last, he forgot Aiba was kind, forgot he wouldn't leave him for something like this, forgot to trust his friend. When Aiba took another step closer, Nino flinched back.

Aiba immediately stopped. His hands came up to cover his face, and for a second, there was no sound but that of his rapid breathing. Nino wanted to apologize, but he still felt like a cornered rabbit, ready to make a break for it at any opening in Aiba's guard.

Finally, Aiba stepped back. He was quiet for what felt like forever before he said, "Six months."

Nino nodded spasmodically. "Six months."

Aiba bowed. "I look forward to working with you."

Nino didn't manage to say anything before Aiba was gone. Despite having all the way to the end of the year left with Aiba at his side, he felt like something had ended for good. He wasn't sure if he'd just ruined everything or done exactly what he needed to do to move on.

There was no point lingering on the first option, so he decided on the latter. He was about to upend his entire life in a way that left no going back. Moving on from this was the only way for him to go forward with everything.

No going back, he thought again. The next step was to talk to someone from the foundation.

He ran his hands through his hair, reeling from the talk with Aiba, from the whole day, really. Maybe after he made the appointment to start negotiations on selling his life's work, he'd squeeze in another nap.

💦💦💦💦💦

Two days before Nino turned 34, he stumbled out of bed in time to catch his housemates before they finished breakfast.

He bumped into Ohno by the sink, who gave him a shove to Satomi by the refrigerator, who grabbed his shoulders and twirled him. When he made it to his seat at the table, he put his head down and moaned dramatically. Sometimes living with morning people was a lot.

Satomi put a plate in front of him, and Ohno started to fill it up with food.

"I can do it myself, old man," Nino crabbed, waving away the second helping of eggs.

Ohno laughed on his way out of the kitchen. He tended to be so happy in the mornings now that Nino could hardly believe how grouchy he'd been at times during their former arrangement. Not having to commute, giving much more of himself to working on art, not to mention getting to see a lot more of Satomi, it all conspired to make him grateful enough that whenever he drank more than two beers he teared up and had to talk about it at length.

Get three-quarters of a beer into Nino, though, and he'd be about the same way. Having to do his own laundry, clean his personal spaces, and rely on convenience store food for sustenance a lot of the time had nothing on the fact that he'd looked losing Ohno in the face and managed to avoid it, and now he got to be around Satomi as well. He'd gone into this arrangement determined to make it work, but the most surprising thing had been how painless it all was. He was so relieved they'd gotten to stay in this house, a feat that had required the help of his mom's lawyer husband.

Unfazed by Nino's rejection of Ohno's help, Satomi put an extra-large pancake on his plate. "What shall we make it today, Nino? A word count won't do at all!"

Satomi had gotten into the habit in the last month or so of giving Nino a goal for the day. She was good at making it hard enough that he only got there about a third of the time, but doable enough that he almost never gave up, and there was usually some small stake like playing whatever video game he picked when she got home. He'd thought she wouldn't have one for him today, though, considering he'd be doing a completely different type of work from his usual.

"What do you think?" he asked. "You can't push your responsibility onto me, you know."

She held up a hand with a flourish. "Five, then. Five real smiles and I'll get Satoshi to make his special hamburg steak for dinner tomorrow."

Nino contorted his face into the biggest, fakest smile he possibly could.

Satomi laughed and flicked his cheek. "While you're working, smartass."

Nino took a big bite of pancake, then made the same face at her again, this time with chipmunk-full cheeks. It served a double purpose in that it got some of the food off his plate: now that Ohno was cooking for himself and Satomi, and only sometimes for Nino, he made less of a fuss about Nino not making a big enough dent in his meals, but Sho was coming to pick Nino up soon. Nino had a feeling they wouldn't be leaving the house before he'd proved that he'd eaten properly.

"I'm not showing, am I?" Satomi asked suddenly, turning to the side so Nino could judge better. "I can smell a promotion coming if those assholes in HR don't figure anything out for another few weeks."

Nino considered her silhouette. "I can tell, but I already know. Maybe leave your jacket unbuttoned?"

"Nino, I laid out the clothes Matsujun bought you on your bed," Ohno said as he went by. He started gathering up his and Satomi's dishes and put them in the sink.

"And how did he say I should do my hair?" Nino asked chirpily. "Parted to the right or to the left?"

Ohno's eyes got big. "I don't remember. Should I call him?"

"I'm off," Satomi said, patting Nino's shoulder goodbye before hooking an arm through Ohno's. "See me to the door, darling?"

Ohno nodded. He always looked a little smug when she called him that, but Nino couldn't blame him. It had to be nice when the person you loved doted on you.

"Have a good day," Nino called. He put some more pancake in his mouth. He debated whether he could fit in some eggs, as well, but decided his choking to death wouldn't make Sho any happier than not eating enough.

"It's gonna be a great day," Ohno said when he got back.

Nino cast him a dismissive look as he swallowed his current mouthful. "Is not."

Ohno stopped in his tracks. He turned to give Nino the evil eye. "Is too!"

Nino shrugged like was giving in. When Ohno turned away to the sink, Nino muttered, "Is not. It's raining, my head hurts, and this whole event is going to be awful."

As if he'd already lost interest in their spat, Ohno said, "Maybe so," and started filling the sink up with water.

"You're supposed to be reassuring!"

After a minute or two, Ohno turned off the tap and came over to sit by Nino. He looked at where a watch would be, should he be wearing one, and then pointedly at Nino's still mostly full plate.

"Sho-chan won't be so kind as to be late," Nino agreed despairingly. He shoveled in some scrambled eggs.

Ohno brought a hand up to his chin and made a pondering face. "I think you could make it awful if you try. Maybe don't try? And just try to--"

"Stop saying try!" Nino complained around his eggs. "I bet no one'll even come, and then it'd be awful whether I try or not."

Ohno smirked at him. Nino realized he'd just admitted that he wanted people to come.

"No, no," he explained, like it was Ohno who had made the mistake. "It's just since Sho-chan went to all the trouble of setting it up, I don't want to embarrass him with low attendance." This sounded too true again, because the idea of Sho working so hard for him and then having no one come had been something he'd fretted about for weeks. He finished as nonchalantly as possible, "He's delicate like that. By the way, this is way more food than I could eat all day."

Ohno smiled. "I made some for Sho-kun, 'cause he said he'd be by early." He dipped forward and crooked his head in his best approximation of looking at Nino head-on from right next to him. "He told me during Sweets Club."

Nino ignored this. By now, Ohno, plus Sho and usually Jun, had largely given up on trying to get Nino to see or even talk about Aiba, so these kinds of pointed but non-confrontational remarks were all Nino had to deal with. Aiba, seemingly, wouldn't come by the house, which meant Nino was safe on all sides. He tried not to take this personally--though on the other hand, he probably should take it personally because it had been his doing.

It was for the best. There were even days he believed that--after the mad scramble of re-orienting his entire life had settled a bit, he'd actually done what he'd promised himself and started to try to suss out what was going on inside his brain. He'd done more talking about his own issues than he liked, mostly with his mom but also with his sister, and sometimes Jun, and he'd figured out some painful things. Harder than figuring them out in the first place had been making himself grapple with them instead of ignoring it all, but with people he loved around him to hold him accountable, he was doing the work properly.

At this point, however, his only motivation was personal growth, for his own sake and for the people around him, and, just on the off chance it'd happen, giving himself the potential to engage with future romantic partners. Except for in his weakest moments, he told himself that he no longer had a specific person in mind, because Aiba hadn't even tried to contact him for six whole months. That friendship possibility had faded, and no matter how much he'd daydreamed about it in the years since he'd admitted his feelings to himself, the romantic possibility had never been there in the first place.

"As usual," Ohno chuckled, as if to himself. "All it takes to get you thinking about something else is one mention of--"

"The point is," Nino said loudly, "I hope your fishing trip will be stupendous and all, but my day is going to suck, and that's final."

Ohno stared at him for half a second before striking. He wrapped an arm around Nino's neck and slapped his other hand over his mouth. "Is not," he said gleefully. "Isn't final, won't suck, gonna be an awesome day!"

Nino struggled hard, twisting his torso and flailing his arms. He got an elbow to Ohno's gut that loosened the hold on his mouth for a second. Before he could gasp out his retort, Ohno pulled him in even closer and shoved Nino's whole face against his chest.

It turned into an all-out scuffle, at least as much of one as could be accomplished with both of them still mostly seated in their respective chairs.

Nino had just gotten both hands in Ohno's hair and was preparing to viciously leverage that for freedom when he heard a voice behind them.

"Children," Sho said loudly and lovingly. "This sort of rumpus can't be good for your digestion."

For an obstinate moment, Nino and Ohno just held onto each other tighter, then they let go and sat back up in their chairs like nothing had happened. Nino tried to face forward, but he caught a glimpse of Ohno's hair in his peripheral vision and had to look. Though Ohno's expression was dignified, his hair was sticking out in all directions.

Nino burst out laughing, but Sho was made of stronger stuff. He came around the table and bent down to retrieve Ohno's fallen headband, then carefully slid it back into place. Ohno maintained his air of disheveled majesty.

Later, when Sho was out there giving an introduction for Nino to the people who might or might not have been waiting beyond the curtain at the bookstore, he sounded so distinguished that it was hard to believe he was the same person making obscene noises of appreciation for Ohno's pancakes barely an hour before.

Nino couldn't tell if there was a good crowd and that was why Sho also sounded pleased, or if Sho was just so professional that he would sound that way regardless in order to put up a good front for the local organizers. Despite wanting to peek out, Nino was held back by the presence of the bookstore's manager at his side, and no matter how he strained his ears nothing was audible except Sho's voice.

But then it was time, he had to go out there no matter the outcome, and he took a deep breath and went through the curtain.

He saw Sho first, and Sho was clapping, and then he registered that other people were clapping as well. He turned and saw that all the folding chairs were occupied, and there were people standing behind the seating area as well. They were all clapping for him. He was extremely glad he'd given in and let Jun pick out his outfit.

Some part of Nino's mind shut down, but the rest of it kept him going through the event without any deathly embarrassing moments. He did the reading, answered a few questions and evaded others, and even got the crowd to laugh a few times on purpose. When he chanced a look over to Sho, his editor looked so happy he seemed like he might float into the air at any moment.

After that it was time for the signing, and Nino carefully focused in on each person in front of him. He wanted to be polite and show gratitude, but he also thought that if he let himself look at how long the line was and realized fully that everyone was there for him, he might pass out.

One after another, everyone had something nice to say. It's not like he hadn't known people read his books, but he was only just starting to let himself admit that he put a great deal of effort into writing them. To see so soon that his efforts were being recognized was overpowering.

He gave a wave goodbye to the middle-aged lady who'd spent the whole time he was signing her book recapping her favorite parts of the first three. He looked to the next person, still smiling (score another toward Satomi's goal), and there he was.

"Aiba-chan," Nino said helplessly. He was even more beautiful, even more Aiba than he'd remembered. He'd dressed up for this, too, with a stylish jacket and scarf, and his hair was getting long--

"If you would," Aiba said, his voice sounding a little hoarse. Nino barely kept himself from asking after his health. Maybe he'd found someone to remind him to carry a damn umbrella.

Aiba was holding out a copy of Nino's book.

"Of course," Nino answered automatically. There was still a long line after Aiba, and he hoped that the part of his brain that had gotten him through so far would carry on despite this interlude. After half a year, why was Aiba here now, like this? As a fan?

He wrote, To Aiba-chan, with best wishes, and signed it Minomiya Kazuya with much less grandiosity than usual.

"I thought I might hear from you," Aiba said quietly.

Nino was closing the book, and it slid through his hands and hit the table. He swallowed hard. "I don't know what to say."

He looked up, suddenly cursing himself for looking away from Aiba even for a second. He'd been longing to see this person for months. He wanted to see his smile, hear his laugh, find out what he'd eaten for breakfast. He wanted to tell Aiba how he was doing and how much he'd missed him.

If Nino was seeing things correctly, it almost looked like Aiba's eyes had a certain sheen to them. Nino wondered if this was their real goodbye. They'd gotten through the goodbye at the lab with strict professionalism, both refusing to acknowledge any sort of personal feelings, so maybe that was Aiba's reason for being here. Was it just that he wanted to end on a better note?

"I'm glad you're well," Aiba said finally. He held out a hand to Nino.

Nino took it. For a moment, there was no one else in the room, only Nino, looking up at this person he adored, and Aiba, eyes going intent, his lips parting like he might have something left to say.

"Is this a handshaking event?!"

Nino saw the person behind Aiba angling in to see what was going on. He snatched his hand away and shook his head vehemently.

Aiba left his hand where it was, and it was only then that Nino realized that of course, obviously, Aiba had been reaching out for his signed book. Nino was sure his whole face was red.

He thrust the book at Aiba. "Thank you for coming," he stuttered out.

Aiba took the book, but he didn't leave. Nino squinted up at him, curious if all he'd been going to say was goodbye, but then Sho was there to smooth things over. He helped Aiba away, and the next person in line took his place. The nosy fan looked disappointed, but Nino couldn't quite bring himself to exert the charm needed to soothe him back into satisfaction.

Every now and then he glanced around in case Aiba was still there, but though Sho came back, Nino didn't see Aiba again.

When Jun came to the house later to make the two of them a late lunch, Nino didn't mention the incident.

"Can you believe how many people were there?" he asked. His memory was alternating between seeing Aiba and the reality of so many people showing up to see him. He'd probably said something about the crowd five times already to Jun, who was either being very patient or simply ignoring him while he cooked. "Do you think maybe my real identity got out online, and so people know what I look like and came to see if I was just as handsome in person?"

Jun said dryly, "I'm sure that's it." He started arranging the food on the table Nino had set. "On the other hand, maybe people care about your books. Sho-kun said just the other day you get a ton of fan mail even if you never bother to read it."

Nino looked at him curiously. "When did you see Sho-chan? He's so busy with work lately... oh, did you join Sweets Club at last?"

Jun snorted. "More like the processed carbohydrates club. I would hope you know me better than that."

Nino did. Thinking about it, he probably knew Jun better than anyone did, and Jun returned the favor. Ohno had seen the minutiae of Nino's daily life for years now, but Jun had seen him at his worst so many times, had heard about his childhood and seen his scars, had held tissues for Nino to blow his nose in and stuck his fingers down Nino's throat when he needed to throw up.

"I hope you understand how evolved I am being," Nino said, smiling complacently at Jun, "when I tell you out loud with words that I'm glad you're my friend."

Jun paused as he was about to set a pan on the stove. He turned to look at Nino.

Nino had the thought that despite his confidence just then, it really was probably the first time he'd ever said something like that to Jun.

Jun put the pan down and came over to Nino. He rested a hand on Nino's shoulder, just for a second, and Nino returned his smile. Sometimes it was hard to believe he'd ever thought he didn't like being touched. For one thing, it was an excellent mode of communication.

Jun moved to take his seat, and they both gave thanks before starting to eat. "Actually, going back to Sho-kun, I suppose now will do to tell you."

"Mmhmm," Nino said distractedly. He made himself take a little bit of everything Jun had prepared despite suddenly being really hungry and wanting to start in right away on Jun's famous butter chicken. "Wait, what about Sho-chan? Did you start another club?"

Jun looked at him sardonically, but Nino was enjoying this idea enough that he delayed even the chicken.

"Wait, let me guess. Is it the Drag Nino out of the House Club?"

Jun laughed. "We've all been in that club a long time. No, it's just... well, I ran into Sho-kun at a club."

Nino choked on his food. "An actual club?!"

"Some of us like dancing. You should try it."

Nino thought about this. "Sho-chan likes dancing?"

Jun added more salad to his plate, though it was already mostly salad. "Well, no. But I guess he's decided he's ready. That's why he was there."

"Ready for what?" Nino wondered. "Dancing?"

"That too." Jun grinned. "He's very bad at it."

Nino repeated, "Ready for what? Tell me already." He figured this would also give him some time to focus on the chicken, which seemed even more delicious than usual. It was possible the book signing had depleted his body's resources. It wasn't often he had an appetite beyond the underlying knowledge that he probably needed to eat regularly to survive.

Jun twirled a fork demonstratively. "We danced, we kissed, he came home with me, the usual."

Nino's mouth was full, but he stabbed his own fork into the air at Jun with great menace and flapped a hand by his cheek to signify Jun needed to talk more about this frankly unbelievable revelation. Jun and Sho?!

Jun sighed. "I don't know if it'll go anywhere. I've kind of had a thing for him for a while now, I guess, but he's always been so closeted, you know."

Nino had not known. He thought back: hadn't Sho's brief post-divorce dating activities all been with women? He flapped his hand again for more.

"Now he says he's ready, but that doesn't mean he's ready for me, right?" Jun pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. "He'd gotten himself all psyched up for his first big night out, so I was probably just another adventure. He didn't even say anything when he left in the morning."

Nino couldn't imagine Sho would do something like this lightly, but it seemed there was a lot he didn't know about Sho. He finally reached a save point with the chicken and opened his mouth to start the questioning.

Jun said, "Anyway, what about you? I can't think about this anymore, distract me."

Nino gaped embarrassingly. "What? That's it? I'm dying here, Jun-kun!"

"That's all you get for now, and I need to stop stewing about it, so I'll ask again," Jun said forbiddingly. He wouldn't quite meet Nino's eye--it seemed like he really was struggling with what had happened, in some way or other. "What about you?"

Nino sighed gustily and gave in. "Well, I'm not going to a club."

With Nino still preoccupied with other thoughts, Jun executed a frontal attack. "We've been trying to give you space about Aiba-chan, but aren't you ready? Why don't you tell him how you feel?"

Nino hedged, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm trying to eat a celebratory lunch after many difficult exertions and here you are dropping bombshells and starting interrogations!"

Jun poured a scant amount of dressing onto his salad. He stared at that, then poured a little more. Nino thought he might be letting his line of questioning go, but then he looked up at Nino with that particularly serious Jun face that meant he was thinking hard about what was best for Nino. It was a face that never boded well for Nino's peace of mind.

"I found your argument about not dating seriously fairly persuasive those many years ago, but it's getting less and less so now that you're pretty much a real person, not to mention disgustingly in love."

"Disgustingly?" Nino yelped, then wondered if what he should have quibbled with was the part about being a real person. No, thinking about it, he definitely took that as a compliment.

Jun was not to be distracted. "Try telling it to me again and let's see if I still buy it."

After a moment of silent resistance, Nino caved. He recited, "I don't need it, and life is simpler without it. I like having a simple life and I'm the one who gets to decide how I live." While Jun was still thinking about that, Nino added, "I still think that, but were there to be another option, I'm prepared to admit I might now choose differently."

Jun's face lit up. "You'll choose Aiba-chan?"

Nino shook his head immediately. "I was speaking generally. Believe me, the person of whom you speak isn't an option."

Jun was silent for a moment. Then: "I don't believe you. You're just afraid."

Nino considered he'd been fairly honest about his feelings just then, really, unprecedentedly honest if one weren't prejudiced against Nino's point of view, so this got his back up. "I am not!"

"It makes sense you're afraid," Jun said consolingly. There was a definite smirk lingering in the evil curve of his lips. "You've never done it, after all."

"What do you mean by that! You know I have."

"I don't mean sex. I mean love. You've seen how bad it can go, but you've never done it yourself. It doesn't always go badly." Jun's mouth twisted. "Not that I'm one to talk."

"I know," Nino said despite himself. "Living with these two, it's impossible not to know. Apparently there really are people who are better together." His tone came out entirely fond and he didn't even mind.

"You'd probably be really bad at it at first," Jun mused. "But Aiba-chan's patient, and I think you'd figure it out together."

"This is irrelevant." Nino looked down at his plate. "Aiba-chan doesn't feel that way about me, okay? He doesn't. I saw him today, and I know."

He waited for the questions, waited for the analysis and renewed prodding to confess to Aiba.

After a minute, Jun cleared his throat. "Let me heat up your chicken."

Horribly relieved, Nino grinned at him. "Ooh-la-la, Jun-kun."

When they were done eating, Nino offered to do the cleaning up, but Jun waved him away.

Nino ended up in his bedroom. With Ohno and Satomi taking the upstairs, it was his former office, and Jun had called it squashed on more than one occasion. Nino thought of it as snug. He had to store just about everything in a corner of the former lab, which was now Ohno's studio, but he had his little sofa, and his writing desk, and there was room on the floor to spread out his futon at night. He'd given Ohno and Satomi his bed and stored away his cozy rug, but he was comfortable enough.

He lay on his sofa, trying to settle his restless mind, then moved to his desk and shuffled papers around. People read his books. He'd seen Aiba today. Jun had slept with Sho.

For a minute, all he could picture was himself instead, going to a queer-friendly club and meeting Aiba, and dancing with him, kissing him, bringing him home to this very room, knocking into the furniture before ending up on the floor...

What if he hadn't met Aiba until now, when he just might be able to do something about his feelings, and he'd never hurt Aiba or pushed him away? When he'd wanted someone for a night before, he'd been fairly good at putting on the moves--if he and Aiba met now for the first time, was it impossible his moves might have worked on him as well?

Of course, there was no point thinking about it. Nino forced his mind back to the signing. For a while it was difficult, but then he got sucked into a thought spiral about writing instead: he had more than enough to digest on the that front, too.

Nino had started off as a writer from a sense of self-preservation. He'd hated everyone, including himself, and while he found his graduate research interesting, most of his classes had felt pointless. Trying to de-stress, he'd spent more time playing games than sleeping, and in one of them his character had organized and executed a heist.

It hadn't been a very good heist, but that very fact made Nino imagine a better one. A motley crew of specialists coming together with a single purpose, set in a world that made you want to root for the criminals. The twists and turns as the team came together, the purpose becoming clear, the villains striking back or turning one of the team to their purpose. Nino had thought of it as a puzzle, with each character and their particular skills and motivations as a piece, and it was part of the fun to make it so that the entire picture couldn't be seen until the very end.

He'd turned to that first heist idea when his brain needed an outlet, and it had taken years of intermittent tinkering before it turned into an actual story. It got longer, more complicated, with double-crosses he wouldn't have guessed himself at the first imagining, and then, somehow, it started to feel like a novel.

Even when he'd started getting paid to write, it had felt like something just for him. He'd worked relentlessly to achieve his goals as a researcher, but when he needed something that was all his own, he turned his mind to the next heist.

But people read those novels. From all appearances, a lot of readers loved them. Even the few negative comments he'd received today had been because people had been invested in his stories to the point of feeling hurt when the team suffered a big loss or he killed someone off.

Nino had always had an imaginary reader in his head, someone he wanted to surprise, delight, frustrate, and ultimately satisfy. Now he had faces to put to that concept, and he wondered how that would change the way he wrote the next book.

He wondered, but he found he wasn't worried. He already felt the spike in motivation, like he wanted to get started now and write a book that would top the ones before. Feeling the adrenaline, he thought of what Jun had said earlier, what Sho had said many times.

He opened the bottom left drawer of his desk and took out the fat stack of fan letters.

He wasn't sure how long a range this batch covered, because Ohno mentioned sometimes that he'd moved the old ones to a cabinet in the studio, but it was a start. After so many fans had come out for his first public appearance, he felt like he should read some of their words in return, not least for the people who didn't live close enough to come.

He set the stack on his desk and took off the rubber band. He kind of wanted to spread them out over his desk and pick whatever one struck his fancy, but he made himself start with the one at the top.

When he had to take a break an hour later, he felt like he was surfacing from underwater. People didn't just read his books, they thought about them, worried about them, speculated about them, complained, praised, nitpicked, and got invested in them. People also took the opportunity to tell him what heists they thought would be good for him to write next, described the pets they'd named after his characters, and went on long tangents about their own lives. There was one fan who'd written him about once a week in this representative stack alone, and Nino found himself rather inspired by her. She would be a great character--an utterly unexpected criminal mastermind librarian with an expert eye for references and incongruity.

He wanted to keep reading, but his eyes were feeling the strain. He put the rubber band around the remaining letters, leaving the ones he'd read out to be put away somewhere else when he figured out a system, and returned the stack to the drawer.

When he sat back up, he saw that he'd missed one unopened letter from the bottom of the pile, still sitting atop his desk. He touched his hand to it and debated whether to put it with the others or leave it for later.

The next moment, something about it had him squinting at it more closely. It felt like he'd seen the handwriting before, and then, there was something else...

He realized the letter was addressed to his real name, not his lazy pseudonym. He tore it open, his suspicion about the handwriting adding to the sudden hope, and searched for the signature first.

He was right. It was from Aiba.

He dragged his eyes back up and started reading from the beginning.

Thank you for letting me work with you all this time, Nino. I've learned so much from the experience.

Nino sped through the long paragraph about Aiba's gratitude for the years of scientific partnership. He knew he'd come back to it, and he could tell now that he'd feel proud and touched later, but he had to know what else Aiba was going to say. It was not a short letter.

The next paragraph was about Aiba taking to heart Nino's commitment to supporting women in the sciences however he could, and how Aiba would put that into practice himself whenever he had the opportunity to do so. This led into a paragraph about their former interns, how much he missed working with them, and how the four of them had decided to start an alumnae club. Aiba said he'd been invited as a guest to the first meeting.

The fourth paragraph was different. It started with Aiba's first impression of Nino, how it had changed over time, and how he'd always wished Nino would let him in. But the way it ended, that was what made Nino's breath stop.

It wasn't long after that moment that I realized that when I wanted to be close to you, it was different from how I wanted to be close to Oh-chan. I should have been ready for that, right? I mean, from the first time I saw you I wanted to--

Nino strained his eyes at the blotchy mess that followed. It appeared that Aiba had written something, written something else over it, and then violently crossed everything out in an attempt to keep it from being legible. It was a full line before the letter resumed.

I thought it was just a friendly, physical thing, like that one guy in college.

Despite everything, Nino rolled his eyes at this. Trust Aiba to think that vague reference to something Nino had certainly never heard about would clarify his meaning.

But it wasn't. It's not. I love--

Nino closed his eyes. This couldn't be happening. This sort of thing couldn't have been in his room this whole time, unopened in a bottom drawer like it was meaningless paperwork.

But there it was.

I love you, Nino. I liked you from the start, no matter how much you didn't want me to, and I wanted to (censored by scribbles) you, you have no idea, it was so hard to focus when you were there in those clingy shirts with the unfair open neck, and your hair in your eyes because I know you hate getting your hair cut, and your eyes, your mouth... I saw you smiling sometimes, learned to see it even if you tried to hide it, and it made me want to find out all the things you hid away. And then somehow, before I could stop myself, I was in love with you. I even wrote poems about it, though I kind of already regret writing that down? Even if you get this and decide to give me a chance, I will never show them to you, but that is how far gone I am. A notebook of shitty poetry in your honor. My whole heart is full of you.

Nino pictured Aiba, ray of sunshine Aiba, with his kindness and grace and filthy sense of humor, writing love poetry about him, a maladjusted hermit with a bit of a hunchback and a fondness for seeing how long he could go without leaving the house.

He read the last paragraph more slowly, afraid to get to the end.

I don't expect you to return my feelings, but I couldn't say goodbye without being honest. I don't know why we can't be friends, and maybe this will only make that worse, but the idea of having these huge important feelings and never even telling you about them seemed wrong. I love you, I love you, I love you. If you were willing to give me a chance, I would do my best!! If you aren't, but are willing to have me as a friend, please believe me when I say that would make me almost as happy, because I can't picture my life without you in it. Finally, if your goodbye hasn't changed, or if this only makes you want to avoid me more... I understand. I mean, I don't really understand, but I know there is some reason and I trust that you're doing what's best for you. I'm always rooting for you, Nino! Please have the best life ever!!

When Nino rushed into the kitchen, socked feet sliding across the linoleum, his breathing still wasn't quite right.

"Jun," he attempted to yell. His voice got stuck in his throat and came out barely audible. Nino flailed the letter in his friend's direction.

Jun didn't notice. He was dancing to some western song, hips shaking as he lifted his arms above his head. Nino saw Ohno was spinning Satomi behind Jun, faster and faster as she laughed.

Nino tried again. "Help, Jun, stop your lascivious swiveling and help your friend in his time of need..." His heart hurt. Was happiness supposed to make his heart hurt? Was this happiness? He kind of felt like he was going to pass out.

"Nino!" Satomi called happily, and Ohno boogied over to catch Nino's wrist. Jun turned, smiling, and Nino flapped the letter at him again in frenzied appeal. Ohno imitated this like he thought it was Nino's new dance move.

"He loves me," Nino said weakly. Perhaps sensing Nino wasn't committed to the dance, Ohno spun away and caught Satomi up in a faux waltz. Jun, blessedly, came over to Nino, walking instead of swiveling.

"I've been reading your book," he said, still smiling. "It's so good already; I meant to go home ages ago but I couldn't stop reading, and then these two idiots got home and somehow--"

"Jun," Nino interrupted. "He loves me. Aiba-chan loves me!" He waved the letter at Jun. Jun looked gratifyingly shocked.

"He loves you," Ohno sang out, dipping Satomi grandly.

When she was upright again, Satomi nodded, cheeks flushed and hair disarranged. "He does." When Nino stared at her, she shrugged. "As an honorary member of Sweets Club, I've been present for many conversations about Aiba-chan's feelings. It's practically a club tradition."

Jun grumbled, "Should've gone to the stupid club after all," but kept reading intently.

Nino focused on him. "What if it's too late? Wait." He had an appalling realization. "When... when did this come?"

Jun took a second from his reading to scan the page. "There's no date."

Nino drew in a long breath, worrying, then made a run for his bedroom. The envelope was still on the desk from when he'd careened out of the room. The post office stamp was marked only a day or two after he'd ended his working relationship with Aiba.

"Six months," he said hopelessly, skidding back into the kitchen. "It came six months ago."

Jun looked up from the letter. "This was very brave."

Feeling the contents of the letter rippling through him anew, leaving warmth in their wake, Nino reached his hand out to brush the letter gently. "Yes. I know."

"Six months," Jun said next, his strong-featured face grim. "You said you saw him today?"

"I thought I might hear from you."

"He seemed," Nino started. He thought frantically. "Well, I don't think he seemed mad?"

"Either way," Jun said, but Nino interrupted him. He knew what he had to do.

"No, of course. It's my turn to be brave." He took a deep breath. "And I can do it."

Jun handed him back the letter. "I know you can."

"I can even say it to you," Nino said recklessly, his face going hot with the idea that he was going to tell someone at last. "I'm in lo--"

"Ahh!" Ohno said, cutting off Nino's confession. Nino looked at him in disbelief. He could feel his mouth hanging open.

"What are you doing looking at your phone at a time like this?" Satomi laughed, pinching Ohno's side.

Ohno looked offended. "Looking for Aiba-chan," he said like it was obvious. He frowned at his phone before coming over and showing it to Nino.

Apparently Aiba had just posted to Instagram. It was a picture of the outside of some stylish cafe. Underneath, he'd written, "Finally ready to move on! ✨🤞💚"

Nino was frozen in place.

"Move on?" Jun said, sounding worried.

"I hadn't heard that," Satomi said guiltily. Ohno shook his head that he hadn't either.

"Seems like everyone is ready for change," Nino said hollowly. He noticed Jun's resulting shy expression and Ohno resting a hand gently on Satomi's stomach. She put her hand over his, smiling despite the way she still had concerned eyes turned to Nino.

Nino had a moment, irrelevant to the more pressing issue at hand, of speculating on just how much longer he'd be able to keep this living situation going. When the baby came, they really might not have enough space, and would they really want to keep Nino around much longer anyway?

"Focus," Jun snapped.

Nino nodded shakily. "Like you said, Jun-kun. Either way. Either way I have to tell him. I have to try to be brave like he was."

"Maybe right now?" Ohno said, pointing to his phone. "Like... right now?"

"Got it," Satomi interjected. Nino's phone buzzed. "That's the address of the cafe."

"How are you so fast?" Ohno wondered. Satomi gave him a sympathetic pat. Ohno was very good at his favorite smart phone game, but he was less proficient at basic skills like typing and searching.

Nino got his phone out and looked. He told himself to go. His feet didn't move.

Jun wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in tight. "Go on. We'll be here when you get home."

Home.

It might not be pretty, but Nino could do this. He'd get through it, whatever happened, and then he'd come home to his friends. Even if his heart got broken, they'd take care of him.

As he left the room, Jun was texting, Satomi was getting out the playing cards, and Ohno was dancing again, though the music had long since stopped. The very lack of music seemed to give Ohno extra pep.

Nino took a taxi, damning the expense, because not only did he want to get to Aiba as quickly as possible, it was raining. Of course it was raining, and for once, he was the one who'd forgotten an umbrella.

It seemed to take forever to get there. He thought about sending a text or calling, but he'd always refused to exchange numbers with Aiba and he hadn't thought to get it from someone before he left. Instead, he fidgeted restlessly the whole time he was in the taxi, trying to come up with what he should do when he got to Aiba.

Then, at last, he saw the trendy cafe and his heart started racing.

As he stepped out of the cab, he caught sight of someone. Actually, he thought, squinting... wasn't that Aiba's lean figure at the door?

Nino ran for it, all thoughts disappearing except that he couldn't let Aiba go in before he told Aiba how he felt. At his shouts, Aiba turned, looking confused, then stepped out into the rain.

"Nino?" Raindrops hit his hair, his jacket, his face. Nino should have known he'd only be lovelier when he was wet.

Nino felt more like a drowned rat, but he squared his shoulders with great determination. After all his efforts, here he was planning not to let Aiba go in out of the rain, but there was no help for it.

"Don't go in," he said insistently.

Aiba took a step closer. "But I already went, and besides--Nino, let's go in? You're getting soaked."

"You already went in?" Nino examined Aiba's expression. Was this the face of a person who'd just had a first date with some normal person, someone with whom he meant to move on? Aiba mostly just looked confused, but then a light bulb seemed to go off.

"One second!" Aiba said, and he returned to the door before jogging back to Nino. "Here."

He showed off an umbrella. He opened it and held it out to Nino.

Nino didn't move. "I bought you that."

Aiba looked a little embarrassed. "I couldn't lose this one, at least. It's the last one you gave me."

Nino was unable to resist a second longer. He took a step forward, then another, and he felt the rain stop falling on him. He looked at Aiba's hand around the umbrella, then back to his face.

He took another step, and somehow kept going, until he was burrowing wetly against Aiba's chest.

"Nino?" Aiba said softly, sounding surprised. He moved the umbrella to cover both of them. "Are you all right?"

Nino turned his face into Aiba's damp jacket. "You already went in? I'm too late?"

He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, and then Aiba's hand settled warmly across the back of his neck. "What do you mean?"

"You're moving on," Nino said miserably. "I only just got your letter."

He felt Aiba's body go tense. He said awkwardly, "My letter, huh. Nino..."

"I know. You sent it ages ago. If you still want to be friends, I want that too, but I have to--" Nino cut himself off, clutching Aiba's waist. "Before we do that, if you even want me as a friend anymore, I have to tell you the truth. Either way, I have to."

Aiba was quiet for a second. "Okay. Whatever you need, I'll listen, okay?"

Nino cleared his throat. He was a writer. He should be able to express himself in words.

"I... I bought you umbrellas because I couldn't stand it when you got sick. I know it doesn't make sense, but I thought if I could keep you out of the rain, you wouldn't get sick, and then you'd be at work every day and I wouldn't have to worry about you, or miss you. I've missed you, Aiba-chan."

Aiba let his hand with the umbrella come to rest on Nino's shoulder. The touch made Nino feel a little more secure even though he was making a hideous botch of everything. Why, at this critical moment, did he feel the need to be honest to the point of triviality? But he couldn't stop himself.

"And you mentioned it once, so I guess you noticed after all, but since it seemed like you always wanted to try new restaurants--well, I'm not great at public places, and I hated the idea that you'd only bring me along out of pity. I got Oh-chan to cook you things to try to make up for it. I suck at it, I know, but I just want you to be happy."

Aiba said hesitantly, "This is what you came here to say? That you want me to be happy?"

"No!" Nino exclaimed, thinking about Aiba moving on with someone else. "I mean... yes, of course I want you to be happy, but none of that is what I came here to say. What am I talking about?"

Aiba chuckled. "I'm not sure."

"They told me to go, and they're home playing cards or something but here I am, and I took a taxi, Aiba-chan. Could you imagine if we met at a club? Would you have come home with me? If I hadn't been too late?"

He heard Aiba suck in a breath, but he couldn't let Aiba say anything to that. He was saying all sorts of useless things. None of it was relevant.

There was only one thing he'd come to say.

"I love you," he blurted out. "Oh god, I love you, I've always loved you. You were so brave in your letter, and now I only love you more. Even if you're moving on, I have to tell you."

Aiba's hand slid up and petted Nino's hair. Nino nudged against it, thinking it was just like Aiba to comfort the person whose heart he was about to break.

It turned out Aiba was better at getting to the point. "Nino, it was for a job."

Honestly, Nino was a little distracted by the feel of Aiba's hands on him. "Hmm?"

Aiba pulled him impossibly closer. "You idiot. I was in there just now having a job interview. It took me a while to be ready, because I'd loved our work together so much, but I'm finally ready to move on."

Nino realized that he was in Aiba's arms. Aiba, who might not be moving on from loving Nino. Aiba, to whom Nino had confessed at last.

Just to be sure, he said it again. "I love you."

Aiba laughed. "Thank goodness! When I saw you today, I thought you'd read my letter and chosen option three. That was the worst of all options, Nino, so I was feeling very bad. Hopefully I didn't botch my interview because of it, but oh well."

Nino thought aloud, "Option three was..."

"Nothing," Aiba answered. "Never seeing each other again. The worst option by far, right?"

Nino inched his hands forward haltingly until he had his arms wrapped firmly around Aiba's waist. "Option two?"

"Being friends! A good one, and infinitely better than option three. However, I've always figured it's better to shoot for the moon, so I was hoping maybe we could do something a little different."

Pressing his smile against Aiba's chest, Nino squeezed him encouragingly. "What was option one again?"

"Huh," Aiba said slowly. "You know, I don't remember?"

"What?!" Nino yelled, pulling away. "You don't remember option one?"

Aiba was laughing, tugging him back in, touching his hand to Nino's jaw and tilting his chin up to get him to make eye contact. "What if I don't? I mean, it's been a long time since I wrote that letter."

Nino slid his hands up to grab onto Aiba's shoulders. Just then, he couldn't think of what they were talking about, not really. Couldn't Aiba just tell him he loved him still so they could...

Nino swallowed hard. He wasn't afraid--this was Aiba, and he didn't think he could be afraid with Aiba ever again. But he did kind of feel like if he wasn't sure in the next thirty seconds that Aiba loved him, his heart might explode.

"I want option one," he said, eyes falling to Aiba's mouth. "I've always wanted that, I just... I think now is the first time I could actually have it."

Aiba leaned in. He looked very serious all of a sudden.

Nino gave him a little shake. "Do you remember now?"

Aiba nodded several times. "Oh yes, option one! Hmm, yes. Well then, how about this? I'm going to tell you I love you, and then I'm going to kiss you. Please kiss back, okay? Or... if you want to?"

Nino skimmed one hand up to touch his fingers to the hollow of Aiba's neck, feeling the quick thump of his pulse. "If you must," he said roughly, then shook his head. "I mean, please. I want to kiss you, Aiba-chan."

Despite everything, this honesty seemed to startle Aiba, but only for a second. "I love you," he said loudly, and Nino's heart stuttered wildly, and then Aiba was kissing him.

Nino kissed back. Nino wasn't sure he'd ever put so much of himself into anything as he put into kissing Aiba back.

At some point Aiba dropped the umbrella. His mouth was addictive, and his arms enveloped Nino like he'd never let go, so Nino didn't mind getting wet. If nothing else, the rain gave them a feeling of privacy. Right then, though, Nino thought that even if the emperor himself had been standing there watching there would be no way to keep from kissing Aiba.

He murmured against Aiba's mouth, "I love you," and Aiba kissed him desperately. Pleased with this result, Nino managed next, "I would very much like to hear the censored parts of your letter."

Aiba jolted away, which was much less welcome, but the look on his face was so interesting, both shyness and desire, that Nino couldn't bring himself to regret his words. Aiba's mouth opened and closed like a fish.

Nino gave his head a flirtatious slant, eyes locked on Aiba. "How about this? If you were to communicate those parts of the letter with, say, a kiss--"

Aiba made a grab for him, and Nino laughed out loud, letting himself be grabbed, and then they were kissing again. After a while of this, Nino thought he had a relatively good idea what Aiba had wanted to say in the scribbled-out parts. He found he was in full agreement.

When they couldn't breathe properly and had to stop, Aiba picked up the umbrella again and held Nino underneath it for a while, both of them completely drenched. Nino found he no longer mourned the idea of meeting Aiba now for the first time in a club and taking him home. He wouldn't trade anything for the way it felt to hold this person close as the people they were just then, having come so far to be with each other.

Nino said with certainty, "Option one, then."

Aiba nodded, pressing his face into Nino's neck. Nino was pretty sure he was crying at least a little. "The best one, you're right."

Nino grinned and hugged Aiba tight. "It was your idea."

Aiba sniffled. Then he laughed. "You're right! I should get credit for that forever."

Nino liked the sound of that. Forever. He didn't need such assurances right then, but if they were going for option one, they might as well shoot for the moon.

Everyone was in the kitchen playing Babanuki when Nino and Aiba got to the house. Sho had arrived sometime while Nino was out, and he was taking his time picking a card from Ohno with a look of such amused affection on his face that even Ohno, stressed out by the joker being in his hand, which Nino could tell from across the room at a glance, couldn't help laughing too.

Jun caught sight of them. "Well now," he said, face easing into an entirely different smile. "So good to see you two together."

Ohno put down his cards with a thump. "The game's over!" he barked at Sho, who guffawed so hard he had to put his head down on the table. Then Ohno came over, expression changing on a dime from belligerent to delighted, and wrapped his arms around Nino.

Nino let go of Aiba's hand to return the favor. Ohno was particularly good at giving hugs.

"Don't forget me," Aiba said beside them. "Me too, Oh-chan!"

Ohno held on a second longer, then turned to embrace Aiba. Nino saw Ohno was teary-eyed and wasn't surprised. Ohno tended to tears when he was happy, and it seemed like lately he was happy so often that his defenses were particularly low.

Satomi came over and shook Nino's hand solemnly. Nino said, "I forgot earlier, Satomi-chan. I smiled at least five times today during work."

She gave him an aghast look. "And you prioritized confessing to the person you love over telling me that? Well, I suppose a deal's a deal. Satoshi, hamburg steak for dinner tomorrow!"

"Okay," Ohno said, muffled by Aiba's shirt. Then he let go of Aiba and moved to the side, and Jun was there so Ohno hugged him next. Sho, always quick to recognize a cue, moved into place to be the next recipient. Nino, his eyes sharp despite his soft emotions right then, saw Sho's hand brush against Jun's before shying away.

"Actually," Aiba said hesitantly. "I was hoping Nino would have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

Nino's eyes snapped to his. "You mean, like a date?"

Aiba nodded. "There's this restaurant I've been wanting to go to that has--"

Nino interrupted. "Yes." He figured it was a given that he'd say yes, but his smile faltered when Aiba gawped at him like it was the surprise of the century.

"Oh-chan," Aiba breathed. "Did he just say yes?"

Ohno was just shifting from Jun to Sho, with Satomi arranging herself to be his final destination. "He did," Ohno mumbled, sounding very pleased. "He really did."

Nino objected, "Did you think I'd say no?!"

"You always say no," Aiba said like it was indisputable. "I've asked you out a million times, you know."

"You have not," Nino said promptly. "Don't be ridiculous."

Ohno turned his face to the side without letting go of Sho, who was patting his head. "He has too. You just never notice."

Nino felt his face go hot. This was a lot to take in on top of literally everything else in his life right then.

He decided the most dignified way to respond was by moving the conversation along. "Well then, our first date is tomorrow."

"Speaking of," Sho said, his volume unnaturally high. He passed an unresisting Ohno off to Satomi. There was an awkward silence for a few beats, during which time Sho seemed to lock eyes with the microwave oven. Finally Sho got out, "Perhaps we should have our first date tomorrow as well."

Aiba whispered, "Who's he talking to?" Nino muffled his laugh in his elbow, eyes sliding to Jun.

When Jun looked completely incapable of speech, Nino said slyly, "What, your filthy dancing didn't count?"

At once, Jun's chin lifted proudly. "I won't hear something like that from someone who's never had a proper date." He turned and looked purposefully at Sho. "I'd be honored, Sho-kun."

Ohno moved to stand on his own, though he kept hold of Satomi's hand. "Then should we go out tomorrow, too?" he asked, smiling at her.

"Nah," she said, smiling back. "The house'd be lonely if we all left, you know."

"You're right," Ohno breathed. "Then I'll make us something yummy and we can have a date here!"

"Thank goodness it's all settled," Nino said acidly, then looked more closely at Ohno. "Oi, why is your face so red, old man!"

Satomi swung her hand in Ohno's. "We've been celebrating in advance, just in case you came home happy. And Satoshi's drinking for two, right?"

Ohno pointed gleefully at her midsection. "Three!"

Satomi sighed emphatically. "Don't drink for our unborn child!"

She tugged Ohno back over to the table. "Here," she said, holding something out to him. "Have a cookie for our unborn child instead." Ohno took it and held it carefully while reaching out for another. "You too," he said sweetly, offering that one to her.

Nino sneaked a look at Aiba. As casually as he possibly could, he reached down and grabbed Aiba's hand.

Later, when he saw Aiba off to the door, he found it difficult to let him go. Aiba was taking his time putting on his shoes and jacket, too, so maybe it was mutual.

"They're still wet," he said, but it was less a complaint than a celebration, to the extent that Nino half-expected Aiba to add on that they were wet with his and Nino's love.

When Aiba finally stopped stalling and turned to say goodbye, Nino caught his sleeve. "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight," he admitted, smiling at Aiba a bit shyly.

Aiba reached out to touch Nino, hand sliding slowly from his waist to his hip. His eyes were big and dark in the dim entryway. Like he was drawn in by a magnet, Nino leaned in, the difference in levels in the entryway and hall making their heights even, and pressed their lips together.

"Call me later," he said, letting Aiba go at last.

Aiba agreed and put his hand to the door, then turned with a wide-eyed look. "I don't have your number!"

Nino snickered. "Okay, then I'll get yours from Oh-chan and call you."

"Got it!" Aiba opened the door and went partway out, then turned and waved excitedly. "See you tomorrow, Nino! For our first date!"

Nino waved back, but found himself swallowing hard. His first date ever. He wondered if it'd be cheating to get Jun to pick out his clothes.

💦💦💦💦💦

The day before Nino turned 35, he was lazing about at home before yet another event for his upcoming book.

They were all in the living room, a room that had been rarely used for anything but video games until Nino's new housemate arrived. As usual, baby Yumi was the focal point.

She was sound asleep in the middle of the couch with Nino on one side, Jun on her other side and her doting papa tucked into an armchair. Nino had been half-asleep for some time, and he suspected Ohno was in about the same state.

Nino blinked awake when he heard Sho let himself in with a quiet greeting. He knew he should get up and go get ready, but he couldn't bring himself to move quite yet.

"Good morning," came Aiba's whispered voice, and Nino's mouth curled into a smile. It had to be past noon, but he'd let it go this once. He hadn't known Aiba was coming with Sho. He'd seen him yesterday when they were both honored guests at the intern alumnae meeting, but he hadn't said he'd be by today.

"Hello," he mumbled. "Sho-chan, I'm almost ready."

He slitted his eyes open to see Sho at the other end of the couch, resting a hand on Jun's shoulder.

"I forgot today was babysitting day. Do you want me to pick up dinner on my way home?"

Nino was happy to help whenever Ohno and Satomi needed him, but he was just as happy to be present without being the one responsible for keeping the baby healthy and content. Jun, on the other hand, had taken one look at Yumi-chan's face and promptly signed up for regular babysitting duties.

He was over to their house about once a week for that, and another few times a month to talk to Nino about his research or Nino's next guest lecture or what student he thought Nino should mentor next, and he also came by to see them just because. Getting to see so much of him was something Nino was nothing but grateful for.

Jun shook his head. "I'll have time to make something." He touched a finger to the wispy curls at Yumi's temple.

Nino widened his eyes at Sho and jabbed meaningfully in Ohno's direction like he was tattling.

Sho took the hint, saying with what seemed genuine confusion, "Wait, if you're babysitting, why is Satoshi-kun still here?"

Jun made a wry face. "That one wouldn't leave. Ohno-san, you're supposed to be painting!"

His voice got louder toward the end, and Ohno reacted immediately. "You're gonna wake her up with your nagging."

Jun bit his lip and didn't say anything else. He was completely besotted with Yumi.

"Besides," Ohno continued, canting to one side so he could stare at her sleeping face. "She's too cute. How am I supposed to work if she's this cute?"

Nino shook his head as Sho helped him up from the couch. "If your part of the rent is late, I'll know who's to blame. I'm a starving artist too, you know, I can't be covering you." Ohno and Satomi had never been late on the rent, helped by the fact that theirs was a little less per person. This adjusted for the fact that Ohno cleaned everywhere but Nino's room and the downstairs bathroom, not to mention often cooked for all of them. Nino was in charge of maintaining their budgeting balance to keep everything fair, something he very much enjoyed, not least because it involved the constant reminder that he was financially stable doing something he loved.

"And you?" Nino asked, gesturing at Aiba with Sho's hand still clasped in his. "Why are you here?"

"Be a little more welcoming," Aiba complained at once. He was grinning. "You know I can't go a day without seeing..." He trailed off and looked around the room for a person to say.

Nino gave an exaggerated shocked reaction. "It's not me?! Truly the poetry has faded before I even got to read any."

Ignoring this reference to the poems Nino had often requested to see, Aiba finished belatedly, "Matsujun. Hi Matsujun! I'm here to see you."

Jun lifted an eyebrow at him, then smiled cheesily. "Hi Aiba-chan! Glad you're here to see me."

Nino sagged against Sho for comfort after this terrible blow.

Ohno finally noticed Nino's spot on the couch was empty and moved to claim it. Then he searched the room for Nino, found him holding hands with Sho, and got a disgruntled look on his face.

"Hey," he said, at a volume clearly meant to get someone's attention.

By the quality of the silence afterward, Nino could tell he wasn't the only one not sure who was supposed to respond.

Ohno turned to Jun and put out a hand commandingly. He said again, in the exact same tone, "Hey!"

Beneath his hand, Yumi slept on. The whole house was thankful she'd turned out to be a baby who, once asleep, tended to sleep like the dead. On the other hand, waking her up was hell.

Jun made an unimpressed face. "And what exactly am I supposed to do with that? Go over to those saps if you want to hold hands."

Not seeming bothered by the potential skirmish, Aiba walked over and took the chair Ohno had vacated. There were other chairs in the living room but none nearly as comfortable.

"Oi," Ohno said, making grabby motions at Jun. He wasn't good at letting something go when he'd gotten it in his head he wanted it.

Jun leaned down carefully and touched his nose to the tiny curve of Yumi's ear. Ohno's face went slack as he considered his next step. Then he got a crafty look.

He sighed loudly, waving his arm down closer and closer to the sleeping baby. "My arm's getting tired. It'll fall on--"

Jun sat up and grabbed Ohno's hand. He tucked their joined hands safely behind Yumi on the couch like Ohno's hand was a menace that was now contained.

Ohno sank back like now he could relax properly. For a second, nobody moved. Then Nino looked over to Aiba and said again, "Wait, why are you here?"

Aiba just beamed at him this time. "I'm coming to get my book signed!"

Nino laughed. "I'll sign you a copy right now, you know. You don't have to go out in the rain just for me."

"No, I will stand in line properly and show I am a true fan." Aiba looked very virtuous.

Jun said lazily, "I'll take a copy right now, if you're offering. I've been waiting for ages." Then he frowned at Nino. "This isn't really the last book, right?"

"Fifth and final, but don't worry," Nino said, all benevolence. "I have an idea for another series."

"Oh thank goodness," Sho said with a heartfelt clinch of Nino's hand to his chest. "I can pay the bills another day."

"As the one who handles our money, let me attest we're doing perfectly fine." Jun looked at Nino. "As a fan, however, I can't wait."

Thinking of Jun and Sho arranging dinner for later, handling their money as partners, Nino's eyes slid to Aiba, who was distracted by Satomi coming home from her errands.

Lately, Aiba had been showing signs of wanting to live with Nino. It wasn't like Nino didn't want the same thing, but the idea of leaving Ohno, Satomi, and Yumi was more than he could contemplate, and there was no way they could fit another person in this house. Aiba was as considerate as a person came, but the household was barely squeezing in as it was.

If their house were bigger, he'd propose the idea to his housemates the next day. Or if they moved--

Nino squished close to Sho again, body going taut with anxiety. He pulled his gaze from Aiba. He didn't want to leave this house. It was his safe haven, his happiest place, the home where'd he grown into himself and found love in many forms.

Instinctively, Sho reached across to pat Nino's shoulder, but the motion had him catching sight of his watch. "We really have to go--Nino! You aren't even dressed!"

Nino resisted Sho's prodding. He could feel Aiba's eyes on him, and somehow it felt like Aiba knew what he was thinking, though maybe he was imagining it. Regardless, Nino wanted to talk to Aiba about it. Something in him, the most honest part of him that had taken so long to find, didn't want to let himself run away from this problem.

Satomi, who'd been chatting with Aiba about the next Sweets Club, turned to Jun. "I came home early hoping I could take that one on a picnic. Do you mind, Jun-kun?"

Jun shook his head. "Picnic away. I'll be here." He shifted in toward Yumi like he was just waiting for her to wake up so he could hold her, though it was more likely than not that she'd wake up somewhere in the range from fussy to screaming.

"Nino," Sho hissed, a woeful undertone to his voice. "Please go get dressed?"

Nino met Aiba's eyes.

Aiba got up and came over to them, eyes crinkled with that particular Aiba happiness. "I can't wait to see you up there, Minomiya-san." He moved in close, nose brushing the sensitive spot beneath Nino's ear. "I think we should get dinner after, but let's figure out the specifics later?"

"Specifics?" Sho said, frustrated. "Like the fact that we're specifically going to be late?"

Nino's muscles lost some of their rigidity as he swayed unconsciously toward his boyfriend. Whether Aiba knew what Nino was thinking about or not, Aiba was right: they would figure it out eventually. He needed to let it rest in the back of his mind for now, because he had a job to do.

As it turned out, Nino wasn't late to the event, but it was a close call.

He waited as Sho introduced him, buttoning and unbuttoning his jacket nervously. When he stepped out and saw the crowd, though, the familiarity of it relaxed him. These people were here to support him, and if anyone wasn't, he could trust that they'd be asked to leave. He was here for the fans, as well, and he intended to deliver.

"Greetings, everyone! Thank you for coming. I'm here to sell you all a copy of my latest book, though I must also confirm the rumor that it's the last one."

Groans from the crowd.

Nino smiled widely. "Don't worry, I won't be leaving you. As soon as this book is safely out into the world, I'll be back at my writing desk, starting the first book in a new series. Please take care of me!"

He bowed deeply. As he straightened back up, he caught sight of Aiba. Everyone else was clapping excitedly, but Aiba was just looking up at Nino. He was radiating pride.

As always when he looked at Aiba, some of Nino's needless fears dropped away, leaving him seeing things more clearly than before. It wouldn't hurt to talk about things even if they scared him. As he waved down the applause with purposefully false modesty, he thought absently that there was more reason to think about moving than the thing with Aiba, too--his mom was visiting next week, and having her sleep in the living room wasn't ideal. She was also completely in support of his and Aiba's relationship and would definitely advise him to take whatever step he could so they could live together.

Right now he had to focus on work, had to give his full attention to the people who were here for him, but later he'd talk to Aiba, sit down on his own and crunch numbers, and discuss it with his family, both born and chosen. Somehow, just then, looking back to Aiba and feeling himself react like a flower to the sun, he had a sense of how it would all end up.

💦💦💦

On Nino's 36th birthday, he moved into his new house.

He had a new bed, and he would put on new sheets, but his cozy rug and bedside lamp would be the same when he found them. He sat on the bare mattress, trying to catch his breath. No matter that he'd developed groundbreaking research, written bestselling novels, mentored young scientists, gone on a national author tour, and been named godfather to an actual tiny human being, moving from one house to another was enough to make him feel like he might never recover. It didn't help that it was raining.

"Here's your last box." Jun set it down by the bed before resting next to Nino. "Aiba-chan said he'd bring up his own."

"Thanks, Jun-kun," Nino said, bumping Jun's shoulder companionably.

"Shall we gather in the kitchen? We need to order takeout sooner rather than later because I'm getting hungry to the point of pissed off."

Nino scrunched up against Jun. "Just... give me a second, okay? I loved that house."

Jun waited, unhurried despite his words. After a minute, he said, "You'll love this one, too. For one thing, you'll actually have enough space to breathe. Plus, my sweet Nino living with a significant other for the first time?"

Feeling poked in a weak spot, Nino said tensely, "I expect advice. I will need advice, and I am going to call you at all hours of the day for it and I expect you to--"

"Don't worry," Jun said more seriously. "Aiba-chan's put up with you this far, hasn't he? He's as patient as people come." When Nino glared at him, Jun said hastily, "And also I will give you advice at all hours of the day, yes, you're right."

"It'll be okay," Nino said, more to himself than Jun. "I can do this."

"Of course you can." Jun laughed softly. "I mean, look at us. Would you have ever thought we'd be here when you met me?"

Nino snickered, in full agreement. "We were wrecks. I didn't think I'd even still know you after we graduated, for one thing, but healthy relationships? Might be a sign of the apocalypse."

"Well, if it's coming it's coming," Jun sighed. "Let's get some food while we can."

Nino followed him, touching a hand to the doors of the new house as they walked. Jun couldn't stop talking about all the restaurant options in their new neighborhood, sounding very hungry indeed, and they left his and Aiba's bedroom, past the bathroom, the bath, Nino's office, where Nino peeked in to check that his little sofa was there unharmed, down the stairs with their unfamiliar carpet, past the laundry area with the door to the back yard, then down the hall past Ohno's studio, Ohno and Satomi's bedroom, Yumi-chan's room, the bathroom, the guest room... they had so much space now. Nino had the sudden sense that he might live in this house forever.

But after going through the living room with Nino's boxes of gaming equipment and what seemed like all of Aiba's stuff, they reached the kitchen, and there his feeling changed.

He might not live in this house his whole life, but these would be his people regardless.

Ohno was studying takeout menus with Sho, while Aiba was tickling Yumi on Satomi's hip. Nino came in and grabbed the toddler away, making her cackle with glee, and then she was stolen by Jun.

"Jun-kun needs food!" Nino said authoritatively to the room. Ohno and Sho nodded like they accepted this weighty task. "And you," Nino continued, pointing at Aiba. "Aren't you going to take your boxes up? Right now I'm feeling like the whole second floor is mine."

"Help me," Aiba whined.

Nino had been waiting for just that sort of request, and he raced back to the living room before Aiba knew what he was about. He was inspecting the boxes when Aiba caught up, and then he had the best one in his arms.

"That one," Aiba said accusingly, "is a lampshade. I only even put it in a box because I had an extra."

"What, you don't want it? I can put it out with the garbage."

They ended up in their room shoving boxes around to try to find the one with Nino's rug and the one with Aiba's pajamas.

"I told you not to pack stuff like that, who knows if we'll find them by tonight," Nino criticized.

"Ah, who cares," Aiba said suddenly, collapsing back on the floor. "I'll wear yours."

Nino jumped up onto the bed to feel the bounciness of the new mattress. "And me? I'm just supposed to freeze to death on our very first night in this house?" He smacked the mattress and was pleased with the response. If they had to spend so much money on something, it should at least be a good one. He felt the same way about buying a house, but somehow he was more dubious about the mattress.

He looked up warily when he realized Aiba hadn't responded, but then Aiba was there, tumbling them both back onto the bed and pinning Nino's hands so that he could hover above him like a happy panther.

"I'll keep you warm," Aiba said, his mouth pulling up in a crooked smile that promised all sorts of good things. Nino stared up at him. With his dark brown hair and sun-kissed complexion, Aiba was just as beautiful as the day Nino had met him, but now Nino knew him, inside, out, backwards and upside-down, and sometimes his heart hurt with how much he loved him.

This was the first day of them living together. Nino wanted to say something to commemorate the occasion, wanted to tell Aiba that he would be as kind and as honest as he knew how to be, would love Aiba a little more every day, judging by the past two years, and never make Aiba regret giving Nino this chance.

But Aiba was still staring down at him with that captivated, possessive, thoroughly pleased expression, and Nino decided the words could wait for later. He waited until Aiba started to look a little doubtful, then yanked his arms down with all his might.

Aiba could have held him if he'd been expecting it, but as it was he lost his balance and came crashing down onto Nino.

Nino panted, winded from Aiba's weight, but before Aiba could pull away he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. He said, "Let's live here together," and Aiba pushed up just enough so he could look down at him.

At first he seemed a little confused, but then he smiled. "We'll make it the best ever." He slid a hand down Nino's arm, seeking, until he found the little scar that so often received his touch.

It was the mark of someone putting out a cigarette on Nino's forearm when he'd been in his second year of high school, and he would never, ever have thought he'd look on it with any sort of positive feeling.

But here he was, a real person and everything, and Aiba loved him--loved every inch of him, scars and all. Nino didn't have to hold on to any part of the past he didn't want to, not now that he knew he was worthwhile, not when he had people around him to remind him of that when he forgot. Nino was coming to love that scar, too. It was the perfect size for Aiba's thumb.

Nino said confidingly, "Jun-kun's getting dangerously hungry. You'd better kiss me now before he hunts us down."

Aiba nodded and leaned down. It was their first kiss in their new home, their new bedroom, their new bed. Nino was never going to get tired of kissing this person, not ever.

"Love you," Aiba said against his mouth, and Nino smiled.

Pulling back, Aiba traced the curve of Nino's mouth with his fingertips. He said softly, "You smile so much now."

Nino's smile didn't waver under Aiba's attention. When their relationship had started, it had often been a fight with himself to let Aiba in, but lately it was starting to feel natural. With this person, he'd found, there was nothing he needed to hide.

Then Jun was pounding on the door, shouting threats, and Nino and Aiba were chasing each other back to the kitchen like the person who got there in front would bear less of Jun's wrath.

When he finally wrangled all of their food choices, Jun ordered the food. Yumi was singing a nursery song off-key, with Ohno clapping along, and Satomi was performing what she probably thought was a surreptitious sniff of Yumi's diaper. Jun and Sho set the table around the flowers Nino's mom and stepdad had sent as a housewarming present, in perfect sync with each other, and Nino wondered if he and Aiba would be like that after they'd lived together for a while. Their routine involved more people, though, and it might take a while for them to find the right way forward for all of them together.

Aiba swooped in to grab Yumi, telling Satomi that he'd just seen the diaper bag and would take care of everything. Satomi came over and hooked an arm in Nino's to pull him over to the window.

Right from their kitchen they could see the setting sun over the far horizon where the skies were clear. Nino gazed out at the oranges, reds, pinks, and acknowledged to himself without bitterness that he could never write something so beautiful. Somehow the unfamiliar skyline of their new neighborhood reminded him that there were batting cages down the street. Even if he wasn't ready to visit them yet, he thought sometime during their time living here he would be.

He felt Ohno hooking his chin on Nino's shoulder from behind, felt the shift of Satomi's body as Ohno wrapped an arm around her. "This is good," Ohno said contentedly, and Nino and Satomi murmured agreement.

"Aiba-chan!" Jun shouted. "Your housemates are having a poignant moment while you change a poopy diaper!"

"Ahhh, now you've done it," Sho laughed. "Now there'll never be any peace."

Nino turned partially so he could laugh along with Sho, the joke being a worry he might've once had but did no longer. Sure, it'd be loud here sometimes, but he'd chosen the upper level for that among other reasons, and his and Aiba's bedroom wasn't above any of what he suspected would be the noisiest areas. If all else failed, he could barricade himself in his office, huddle into his sofa, and take a solitary nap.

But as Aiba slid into view with Yumi in his arms, Nino thought that while he was sure he'd take that refuge sometime, he couldn't imagine it being all that frequent.

"Well?" Nino said, gesturing at the window. "Aren't you coming to join in the moment? The sunset waits for no one."

Aiba looked like he wanted to pick up the argument, but then he was carrying Yumi over to join their huddle in front of the window. Yumi got a hand in Nino's hair and held on.

"All right," Jun said from behind them. "Time for rock-paper-scissors to see who's coming with me to pick up the food. Yumi-chan, you too--this has to be fair."

"I don't have a driver's license," Ohno said, monotone.

"We're walking," Jun countered. "Hurry up and do it so we can go."

Nino considered offering to be the one who went, but doing rock-paper-scissors to decide was far more fun. They all knelt down so Yumi could play, too, and matched her serious expression with their own.

"This is for all the mab-marbles." The trip in his words didn't lessen Ohno's intense aura.

"Won't lose," Sho whispered. "Gotta get those marbles."

"You might think I'll go easy because of Yumi, but think again," Satomi said. "I'll stomp you all." She threw a few practice scissors threateningly.

Aiba opened his mouth, but Jun snapped, "Hurry up already!"

Nino said, "Ready, set--" and the games began. It took a while for it all to get figured out, but in the end, Nino lost.

He took Yumi's hand and said gravely, "You're in charge here, baby girl. Guts pose."

She made tiny fists and raised them up just like Sho had been teaching her, her fierce face mitigating the accidental plop backwards down to the floor at the end of it.

Aiba trailed Nino and Jun to the door. "I'll be there waiting," he said, pointing to the couch nearly hidden by boxes.

"Um, okay?" Nino said. Jun grumbled loudly about their food not picking up itself.

Aiba cast a wary look at Jun, then pressed in close to whisper in Nino's ear, giving him the shivers. "So you can say 'I'm home' for the first time. I'll be ready."

Nino couldn't help it, he had to kiss Aiba's cheek, but then he rushed to get his shoes on before Jun blew his top.

"I'll make it a good one then, Aiba-chan. I look forward to your response."

Jun opened the door. With the lateness of the day, the heat swept in much less unbearably than earlier.

"Ah!" Aiba said behind them. When Nino turned, Aiba was holding out an umbrella.

As Nino walked out into the rain with Jun, he had the thought that after he heard Aiba's welcome home, he just might tell everyone what day it was.

He'd told himself for years that he didn't want people to do anything for him, but he'd long since realized it was that he'd felt he wasn't worth anyone's effort. Even after realizing it, resisting his friends' efforts to find out the special date had become a habit. Sho had sworn not to look in his file at the company, and his mother and sister had played along with remarkable fortitude during their visits.

As he watched storm clouds to the west gathering like they could blot out the sunset, adding grays and blues and purples and making it even more picturesque, Nino decided he'd tell them after dinner. Maybe on the way home he'd pop into the convenience store and buy some pudding or something.

With the big move, today was worthy of commemorative pudding. Not to mention, it was Nino's birthday, and he'd finally come to feel that he deserved to be celebrated, too.

Comments

[dirtbaguette]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM POSITIVELY SHITTING MYSELF WITH JOY RIGHT NOW LIKE !!????????!!!??? 33k OF AIMIYA IN WHICH!!!!! nino!!! is!!!! a!!! scientist!!!!!! like literally the reason i’m gonna wait until tomorrow to really enjoy the f out of this is bc im at a scientific conference right now BUT AS SOON AS I GET ON THAT PLANE ITS AIMIYA TIME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh you’ve already made my heart so happy but pls hold, more feelings to come after i take all this in!!!!! thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!

[dirtbaguette]

ok ok ok ok OK OK okkkkkkkkay like MY DEAR, DEAR WRITER how do I even begin to describe to you how much this absolutely DESTROYED me???????? I can tell you now that maybe only 2% of this is going to be any semblance of coherent bc like UMMMMMMMMM I literally had to go back to my sign-up post to figure out how on earth this fic could literally be so. fucking. perfectly. tailored to my interests. HONEST TO GOD I was getting freaked out like HOW DOES THIS PERSON KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS ABOUT MY PREFERENCES I AM SCARED and then I realized that you YOU MY QUEEN AND HERO went through the pains of including like 80% of all the silly things I wrote in my sign-up in hopes that ONE of them would be any bit inspirational like ACK. I just. T^T THANK YOU SO MUCH I CAN NEVER THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE IN THIS PIECE BUT GOSH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

like nghhhhh waxrose said it perfectly in her comment and I can only echo her words that the real love story here is Nino/everyone who STOOD SO STEADFASTLY BY HIS SIDE to help him recover from the terrible things that happened in his childhood that made him close his doors and just /gosh/ the way little by little he started opening up was so natural and lovely. I also have to admit that I watched the 5x20 mv in between my first and second reading of this which made me appreciate the way you wrote the five of them here all the more because they are exactly as you portrayed: so, so there for each other; every time, no matter how hard, regardless of ANYTHING. I'm so sad and so happy at the same time and just aboslutely torn to pieces.

ofc the way you wrote Aimiya was like???? CAN I INVENT A LEVEL ABOVE S-RANK BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE IT ugh. I have to admit that I literally never even imagine writing them as anything but childhood friends because I always want them to be just like MIND-READING AND HOLDING HANDS in a way that'd be unnatural for strangers!!! BUT GAH YOU /NAILED/ their dynamic from the moment they met each other, throughout the entire journey of getting to know each other and falling in love and ofc when they finally reveal their feelings to each other AND AND AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU TOOK THIS PIECE ALL THE WAY TO SHOWING THEM AS A COUPLE!!!!!!!!! which is2g I almost never see but I ALWAYS WANT TO SEE BC IT'S LIKE HELLO REWARDS OF ENDURING THE PAIN/PLEASURE OF SLOWBURN my sweet boyfs :'))))))))))

ALSO ALSO JUST BEFORE I START INTO specific bits and lines I loved, I just want to yell a little bit about the Nino/Jun here because yes yES YES as much as I love the fact that Aiba and Nino are childhood friends, Jun is the lesser-talked about childhood friend in that circle!!! they literally spent all their formative years together and jun loves his teeny tiny nino so dearly and ahhh the part about jun sticking his fingers down nino's throat to help him throw up GOSH I REMEMBER WHEN THAT STORY CAME OUT AND I WAS LIKE DAMN don't we all need a friend like matsumoto jun except HONESTLY who really is even as big of a fan of matsumoto jun as nino LIKE C'MON. there is a video series on the interwebs of nino stanning jun which is one of my favorite things of all time OF COURSE, NOW, NEXT TO THIS.

so anyway LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT SOME SPECIFICS of how perf this is:

Ohno scratched his ear, eyes going unfocused as his mind seemingly drifted elsewhere, and just like that, Nino's sudden decision to lay down the law and make sure Ohno knew that no amount of banter meant they cared about each other, and how dare he try to make sure Nino ate, etc, melted into what Nino named amusement but sometimes felt, if he were feeling uncharacteristically honest, like fondness.

wowowowowow i don't think i've read anything so wonderfully ohno has this because literally this is ohno like 40000% percent of the time AND YESSSS NINO IS SO FOND OF EVERYTHING THAT IS OHNO SATOSHI including his spaciness but also his talent and his tolerance for his shit BUT ALSO THE WAY HE STRIKES BACK AGAINST HIS SHIT.

ohno the sweets-making, no nonsense housekeeper was literally the gift that kept giving in this fic SIGHHH.

"A thousand years? Make it five thousand and we have a deal."

Ohno glared at him. "Two thousand or it's all off."

LIKE THIS WHAT THE HELL??? HOW DO YOU WRITE THEM SO PERFECTLY??? SPILL YOUR SECRETS.

"Won't you come in? Ohno-san's making food, but I thought maybe you could rest a while before that. Maybe, if someone like me will do, you could talk to me?"

"You've never touched me before." Sho sounded lost, but Nino didn't think it had anything to do with Nino's touch.

"Come in," he said, making his voice soothing. "You're letting all the hot air into my house."

ugh AND THEN THERE WAS NINO AND SHO'S RELATIONSHIP and how Nino's desire to help poor, sweet Sho actually ended up helping himself as well by pushing him out of his comfort zone. this exchange was just a /pitch perfect/ example of a slightly stilted yet tactful way of offering comfort completely in keeping with both the Nino you've created here and the Nino that can make anyone comfortable that we know in real life.

Ohno squeezed his hand and made a thinking face. Despite himself, Nino wriggled a little closer. He liked that Ohno always took his concerns seriously.

"You touch me for me," Ohno said at last. "This is for you." He looked down at Nino fondly. "Thanks for letting me do this for you, Nino."

THIS IS SO WARM AND SO LOVING AND ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT LET'S GO BACK TO THE REFRAIN OF "THIS IS A LOVE STORY BETWEEN NINO AND EVERYONE WHO LOVES HIM AND STANDS BY HIM NO MATTER WHAT"

"--but despite everything you turned into this wonderful person doing wonderful things." She was silent for another few seconds. "There were times it felt like your choice of career was for my sake. As proud as I am of you and all you've accomplished, my number one hope is for you to be happy."

"I wanted to do it for you. I should keep going, I should do more..."

how dare you LITERALLY HOW DARE YOU BRING MRS. NINOMIYA INTO THIS AS IF MY HEART IS NOT ALREADY IN SHREDS ON THE FLOOR ;A;

He looked up, suddenly cursing himself for looking away from Aiba even for a second. He'd been longing to see this person for months. He wanted to see his smile, hear his laugh, find out what he'd eaten for breakfast. He wanted to tell Aiba how he was doing and how much he'd missed him.

writers throughout all of history have waxed poetic about being in love but everyone go home bc THIS IS IT. this is exactly what it feels like, with none of the fluff and all of the honesty. OH BUT ALSO THERE'S THIS BIT:

"I'll keep you warm," Aiba said, his mouth pulling up in a crooked smile that promised all sorts of good things. Nino stared up at him. With his dark brown hair and sun-kissed complexion, Aiba was just as beautiful as the day Nino had met him, but now Nino knew him, inside, out, backwards and upside-down, and sometimes his heart hurt with how much he loved him.

THEY LITERALLY DIVIDED UP THE CLASSIC "KEEP YOU DRY AND WARM" WITH NINO KEEPING AIBA DRY AND AIBA KEEPING HIM WARM PLS EXCUSE ME AS I SCREAM INTO THE DISGUSTING CHICAGO HUMIDITY. this is so beautiful I AM UNDESERVING OF YOU.

I don't know why we can't be friends, and maybe this will only make that worse, but the idea of having these huge important feelings and never even telling you about them seemed wrong. I love you, I love you, I love you. If you were willing to give me a chance, I would do my best!

aiba's voice tho I CAN IMAGINE AIBA SAYING THIS SO VIVIDLY NGHGHGHGHH in fact Aiba's entire letter was so sweet and YES HE WAS SO BRAVE AND SO GOOD AND DESERVES EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD but he would have also stayed nino's friend bc he just wants nino in his life PERIOD no matter in what form. and you know Aiba is so resilient that I think he would have recovered and they would have made gr10 bffs too BUT THE GODS OF FATE SMILED DOWN ON THEM SUCH THAT THEIR LOVE IS REQUITED AND THEY CAN SMILE THEIR STUPID SMILES AT EACH OTHER AND ADMIRE EACH OTHER UP CLOSE hdmfmmfdmfmfmmf

Nino took a taxi, damning the expense, because not only did he want to get to Aiba as quickly as possible, it was raining. Of course it was raining, and for once, he was the one who'd forgotten an umbrella.

ALL RIGHT LIKE LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU TOOK MY STUPID CLICHE LOVE CONFESSIONS IN THE RAIN PROMPT AND SPUN IT INTO THIS BEAUTIFUL THREAD THROUGHOUT THE PIECE and /of course/ it's time for Aiba to save Nino from the rain this time OR YANNO THEY CAN JUST GET DRENCHED IN THE DOWNPOUR AND NOT GIVE ANY FUCKS BC THE PERSON THEY LOVE LOVES THEM BACK AND WHAT IS A LITTLE COLD HERE AND THERE.

"Being friends! A good one, and infinitely better than option three. However, I've always figured it's better to shoot for the moon, so I was hoping maybe we could do something a little different."

AIBA ALWAYS SHOOTS FOR THE MOON. CONFIRMED.

and it's like there's all of these components that I absolutely adore and explicitly asked for which you graciously included BUT LIKE ALSO. THE SHO/JUN???????? AND THE OHNO/SATOMI?????????????????? LIKE LITERALLY HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY WEAKNESSES WHO ARE YOU AND FROM WHERE DO YOU WATCH ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. literally I could not have imagined a better endgame than Nino/Aiba, Sho/Jun, and Ohno/Satomi like YOU HAVE LITERALLY WRITTEN MY PERFECT ENDING WHAT THE HELLLLL.

"Speaking of," Sho said, his volume unnaturally high. He passed an unresisting Ohno off to Satomi. There was an awkward silence for a few beats, during which time Sho seemed to lock eyes with the microwave oven. Finally Sho got out, "Perhaps we should have our first date tomorrow as well."

AHHHHHHHHHHH this is 200000% the sho/jun that we all know and love and gosh just SHO LOCKING EYES WITH THE MICROWAVE OVEN I was laughing and clutching my heart at the same time nghgh

plus PLUS Nino as a scientist who moonlights as a writer???????

He cut off, unwilling to talk too badly about something that had been such an escape for him from starting graduate school to finishing his PhD. "I liked building another world, that's all, like doing crossword puzzles to pass the time. It's really none of your business."

you made the uglest squeaking noise here because UM this is literally my life right now like if this is in any way autobiographical for you WE RLY SHOULD TALK BC hello kindred spirit pls be with me :') i mean EITHER WAY WE SHOULD TALK bc UM you literally just wrote me my perfect Aimiya fic i feel like i owe you at least a kidney??? or smth????

i may re-emerge with more feelings as i continue to read this 10, 20, 3000 more times but i'm going to leave this garble of nonsense here for now and just thank you one more time for all the hard work and care you've put into creating something so perfectly Arashi and Aimiya and everything i could have ever wanted in a fic and so much more.

[satoyan]

(excuse me while I write you a long comment no one asked for!)

omg you should have seen my face when I saw in your placeholder comment that you are an actual science-knowing person, fjdksalf I about died. I was already feeling guilty that the "science" and "research" (and "other things" too) don't make any logical sense at ALL but I was like, I will just wave my hands at it and hope for forgiveness, but then to find out I wrote this silliness for a SCIENCE PERSON! was a blow. HOWEVER, the fact that you liked it despite that makes me so happy! PHEW.

First off, I really wanted to write you Aiba/Jun/Nino since it is your dream, but I actually wrote that particular threesome for kittoex 2014, and then I wrote threesomes for ninoex 2016 and 2017, and for some reason even though those were literally years ago, I still feel kind of threesomed out? :D Apparently I don't know how to do threesomes except with Full-Throttle Emotional Times, so I ruled that one out early (and then of course still wrote full-throttle emotional times, because I make good choices).

After that it was easy to choose Aiba/Nino, and then it was great fun to be able to include whomever I wanted, so thank you for that. :D I can't describe the great joy I took in casting the science interns, fjdlsaflksj, I had a whole list. Then I took your signup to a coworker who helped me brainstorm last year, and somehow what we end up doing is trying to fit in every single prompt...? And then somehow they actually seemed to be fitting together (except a couple, like fake relationships, which is too bad because I LOVE FAKE RELATIONSHIPS but I have also written that a couple times, and since I do ninoex every year I have probably even done it from Nino's point of view...... probably even with Aiba, lol), so then I started plotting it all out and trying to figure out how to make it all work! It was actually really nice to have so many prompts--whenever I got to a point where I needed to figure out what should happen next, I could look back at your signup and be like, oh HERE is where I can fit the lost letter, and here is the lazy pseudonym, and here is the confession in the rain! So that was excellent, hooray. It is only later that I realized I focused so hard on your prompts that I didn't look enough at what you didn't want, which is how I ended up writing something with (off-screen but) violence, melodrama, angst, etc, whoops. But by that point it was WAY too late, so I crossed my fingers (again) and hoped for the best. So I doubly relieved that it worked for you! Yay, yay. ♥

the real love story here is Nino/everyone
I definitely have this tendency, but who could begrudge it of me when they all love each other so much?! Any fic that isn't at least a little bit OT5--well, I'll read it if it looks good or something, but in my heart it'll be AU. <3 They are the friendship/family/Arashi OT5 that rules my heart, after all. Anyway, I definitely tried to make that a focus--since I plotted everything out (for once) I could kind of see where the balance needed tweaking, and I wanted to make sure everyone had important moments and relationships with Nino (including Satomi <3). I also literally wrote out a timeline of how Nino opens up over time, but that was harder to stick to, so I'm glad it still felt natural to you. Nino is such a clingy motherfucker in real life, and also (from my point of view!!) quite emotionally well-adjusted, so I had to fight my instincts a lot~ Like, Nino would just reach out here and WAIT NO, NOT THIS NINO.

I literally never even imagine writing them as anything but childhood friends
I am like this too! I almost always write them as BFFs of long standing, but it's definitely interesting to do it from another angle, like, what WOULD it be like if they met as grownups? And not only that, but Nino is in this difficult emotional space, so they can't immediately fall into the usual dynamic? I wanted to make sure Nino was cold enough, but I also wanted Aiba to see through it, at least a little bit, pretty much immediately. (Thus catching the episode with the company muffins.) Also this is where I note that I couldn't find a way to fit it in (... that I remember) but it is my head-canon that Jun drops a brief word of warning to all the new people in Nino's life not to take his shit too seriously, first Ohno, then Sho, then Aiba. There was a fair amount I couldn't find a way to fit in, really--like why was Jun such an outcast in college? It is in my head, okay, but I should've at least implied SOMETHING so that it'd make SOME kind of sense, but oh well, past-me did her best I guess.

SHOWING THEM AS A COUPLE!!!!!!!!!
This is one of my favorite things both as a reader and writer! This is some of the most fun things to see, I think!!!

the part about jun sticking his fingers down nino's throat
I really, really, REALLY enjoyed writing Jun as Nino's best friend. They love and support each other so much in real life, and in this fic they're kinda broken but STILL supporting each other, and then it becomes more and more healthy over time, and for some reason it just makes me happy to write such smooshy friendship feelings with these two. Plus, like sticking the fingers down Nino's throat, there is such good stuff to refer to, fjdlkafjas, I will never ever get over that anecdote. I'm pretty sure I've used it before and even more sure I will use it again.

ohno the sweets-making, no nonsense housekeeper
WRITING OHNO IN THIS WAS SO FUN. I of course had all these extra head-canon bits I wanted to fit in but failed to, so part of me is like ugh this doesn't all make sense, but when it comes to Ohno (unlike science) I can fully trust in his Magic Ohno Powers to overcome plot shortcomings. Ohno might be my favorite to write, actually, and this was a particularly fun-to-me version of Ohno. I mean, I got to put him in an apron (WITH ruffles) and headband AND marry him to Satomi, so I was living the dream.

AND THEN THERE WAS NINO AND SHO'S RELATIONSHIP
Nino and Sho's relationship came less easily, but I am fairly pleased with where it ended up! It made plot sense to have him work with Nino, but then it wasn't as easy to wedge him into the emotional aspects of Nino's life. I eventually just decided that it's Nino and Sho and they're gonna get along and care about each other no matter the technical working relationship, so then I let my heart have the Sho/Nino sweetness I wanted.

SO WARM AND SO LOVING
There was a moment where I was like, IS THE SICK SCENE TOO MUCH, but then I was like, dirtbaguette wants hand-holding and I want cuddles, so fuck it!! Who was I even kidding, thinking about pulling back the fluff--that's not me.

HOW DARE YOU BRING MRS. NINOMIYA
I wanted to bring in (this) Nino's sister, too, but I couldn't fit it in, harrumph. But I had to bring his mom in, she is important!! And also I wanted to show that Nino isn't the only one who figures out his shit and becomes happy in himself--his mom is also living well and finding her happiness, which makes me feel better about dumping so much shit on her in the back-story, lol. Plus, even though I don't know that much about her or anything, I have an impression of real-life Nino and his mom having an interesting and good relationship. ♥

Aiba's entire letter was so sweet
Aiba's letter was hard to write and I am still not fully happy with it, but whatever, it is in the PAST, and also you like it and that is all that matters. I knew I wanted to do the lost letter plot, but then the moment I realized I actually had to write the letter, too, I was stricken with regret. At least I weaseled out of writing the poetry!!!

he just wants nino in his life PERIOD
I have definitely written fics where characters feel they can't be friends with people they romantically love, and I get that dynamic also, but I really wanted something else for this Aiba. He waits for Nino for SO LONG, not just for Nino to (openly) love him back, but even to be real friends and let him in, and he's so patient and so loving, that to me, YES, Aiba would've found a way to resolve his romantic feelings and stay friends with Nino and been happy to have him as a friend, period. (Note that in real life I am more on the side of 'oh god i care too much burn it all' so no judgment to those of us not strong enough to be like this Aiba, afjdlas.)

SPUN IT INTO THIS BEAUTIFUL THREAD THROUGHOUT THE PIECE
One of the first things I thought of for this fic was Nino sneakily giving Aiba's umbrella to keep him from getting soaked, but somehow I didn't do a good job of explaining any of it, so I had to go back and wedge in references--all this to say, I am really really glad it worked for you! Because it was hard to look at the entire fic, then add those bits to it, and not feel like it was like putting clashing patches on a finished outfit. So phew! Good. I definitely wanted to keep the rain and the umbrellas. ♥ I also realized way late that I could just make it rain in literally every section, but that was way easier to slip in.

Nino/Aiba, Sho/Jun, and Ohno/Satomi
Oh thank sparkle you like those pairings! I know you said to do whatever with side pairings but I was worried. :D I had Sho and Jun in mind from early on, but I waffled on who to put with Ohno--there are a lot of people I'd love to write with him, so many delightful actresses he either has shown good chemistry and an interesting dynamic with OR I have imagined that he would given the chance, fjdlkas. I really came close to making his wife Haru (because Ohno/Haru omg) but the age difference was too large when Ohno has already been married for years when we meet him. I ended up very glad to have chosen Satomi--Ohno/Satomi is another of my favorites, and she was fun to write. ♥ With the Jun/Sho, I really like them but haven't written them much? So I was glad for that opportunity as well. ♥ I had one million head-canons about this Jun/Sho relationship, but it's probably for the best they didn't fit in, lol.

Nino as a scientist who moonlights as a writer
Sorry again that neither of his jobs made any sense, though!! But I hoped you would be plot/logic-forgiving, and thank goodness you seem to have been, fdsjal. I ended up being really interested in how Nino felt about writing in this fic, idk why exactly, but it was fun. Probably my favorite part of Nino being a writer was bookworm Jun being his #1 fan. ♥

i feel like i owe you at least a kidney???
lololol please keep your kidneys and just be my friend!!!! It was fun to write for you, and I'm so glad you liked it, and we definitely seem like we value a lot of the same things in both Arashi and in fic (which I could tell as soon as I looked at your signup, omg, like, yes there are the things, yes GOOD).

thank you one more time
You're welcome. ♥ It was my pleasure! Thank you so so much for your wonderful comment--you have no idea how happy it made me (and continues to make me whenever I think about it)! ♥

[dirtbaguette]

alsdjflkj HONESTLY this whole experience has been more than I dare ever ask for like not only did you give me the fic of my dreams but also now I have a making of commentary???? AHHHHHHHHH thank you for telling me about all your headcanons for this story because it makes me happy to know that some fit exactly with my own and even happier to hear about the ones that I /hadn't/ thought about and am currently gleefully daydreaming about ♥

ALSO THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME AWARE THAT JUN/NINO/AIBA EXISTS and the fact that YOU wrote it makes me want to track it down RIGHT THIS MOMENT. I mean I basically want to go through your entire bibliography and I THINK I VERY LIKELY WILL but I am a terribly slow reader so it will Take Some Time and you might get comments on some very old fic but I'm just so overjoyed to discover that there is so much more where this beautiful, beautiful piece came from NGH.

I feel like I could literally talk to you about this fic 6ever because that is my degree of fangirl but for brevity I will limit myself to five points:
1) I'm 10000% into the fact that you went, hmm too much fluff? NAW. bc yes. NAW.
2) UM excuse me while I go hunt down that fake relationship fic of yours as well :))))))
3) like ofc no pressure but just saying if it ever ~tickles your fancy~ to expand on those sho/jun headcanons I am here for you like sun for day.
4) also honestly I am still SHOOK about all this bc I was like 80% sure you had to be someone I knew on Twitter (despite the fact that I talk to like 4 people LOL) because /how else could you have known about all of my interests/ but it really must be that we just happen to be well-matched in our Arashi & fic preferences! So YES let's definitely be friends and talk about everything we love together and I hope that one day I will be able to return even HALF the favor ♥
5) I have been stalking comments on this post like a creeper (because, again, I am THAT type of fan...) and I'm sorry to hear that you kind of felt like this was thrown into a void!! Honestly, I think I checked back on this post more than I did for the piece I wrote because I just felt like this deserved at least 40x more comments & I hope that that will be the case on AO3. But really I just want you to know that this piece is Very Important to me and is the ultimate Aimiya (and Arashi fic!) of my heart.

..."brevity," I claim as I launch into yet another ramble argh. I'm not sure if you're on Twitter at all, but I'm @ dirtbaguettes there! If not, let me know your preferred way to keep in touch, but otherwise, you will deffo hear from me in your comments section at AO3!!

[satoyan]

You talked to me so much in your comment, I felt like I had to talk back! <3 Plus it's fun to think about~~~ I spent so many weeks thinking about it constantly that there is a lot of it in my head.

I mean I basically want to go through your entire bibliography
omg don't do it--I mean, follow your dreams or whatever, but there are some terrible things in there! When I first started writing for this fandom, I had never written fic (or creative writing in general) before, ever............. I try not to think about it. :D Though I mean, they're still about Arashi, and honestly as long as a fic writer clearly loves Arashi and that comes through in the story, personally I will forgive many things. But those early ones are painful, and my ~early period~ lasted a long time, save yourself etc. Despite me saying that, please do exactly as you please, and while there is no pressure for comments ever, I certainly don't mind (and in fact treasure) comments on previous fic. ♥

that fake relationship fic of yours
So I got curious and looked and it turns out I have written at least three fake relationship fics! That is another thing I will be sure to do again. Actually a book at the library the other day gave me an idea for one, too, so even though I most likely won't write it, maybe I'll just imagine it for six to ten days, go.

It is definitely not your fault at all that I had those feelings! You were very prompt with your first comment and your second comment is basically the stuff fic comment dreams are made of, fjdlasfkdas, this is not on you. Sometimes fic exchanges are whimsical and give some fics lots of comments and others not so much. When I first started doing exchanges (a stormy period of much fic angst), it probably would've bothered me, but now I am (comparatively) a weathered veteran and it doesn't. :D What still gets me is just waiting for the first comment to respond to the fic, because a small dramatic part of me is always like 'oh dear this fic is so atrocious no one will ever even be able to lie about liking it,' which means that first comment is the one to dispel that paranoia. So getting your placeholder, then the paranoia-dispelling comment, and then your jumbo joy comment, that is plenty for me, so I even got a bonus this time. ♥

(because, again, I am THAT type of fan...)
(I am THAT type of fan, too.)
(And am also not good at the brevity, no worries at all.)

I mostly use dw, but I kind of have a twitter? (I have a twitter I used to kind of try to use for Japanese language practice, but I haven't used it in ages, and then I started a quasi-fic/in-English twitter because I wanted to encourage myself to participate in these #arashiweek things, but ... I haven't actually done anything on it yet--I don't think I have even a single tweet.) I do follow a few people, though, so I will look you up there. ♥

[waxrose]

THIS. This fic utterly floored me. It's beautiful. It's just SO BEAUTIFUL.

While I love the Aiba/Nino focus (YES SO. GOOD.) and will get back to that later, I have to say that what I love most is the way that you bring in each Arashi member (and Satomi!!!) into this universe. Each one is important and connected to helping Nino grow, and that's the real 'love story' here. I love that Sweets Club exists in this universe, too!

"Nino-sensei said to leave the grafted parts alone, but clip anything natural that has reached, ummm, two centimeters in length, like this--oh, you are quite handsome, thank you for your contribution to science. Did you know, together we're going to reduce the effects of--oh my, is this long enough, too? Let's measure, ah! Just under, you can keep that one for now. But you're working so hard, your soil looks a bit dry. Nino-sensei said to measure the water and mark it down, because consistency is key, so let's just check in this binder here... you are due for water, my dear! Now where did that pencil go?"

Can I just say that Aiba tending to the plants was the most charming thing ever? Who wouldn't fall in love with him?

"Yay," Ohno said softly. He carefully examined each muffin, apparently trying to find the best one, then solemnly held one out to Nino. Just as solemnly, Nino reached for it. He stilled as he caught sight of Aiba, past Ohno by the door to the lab.

...

"This is a delicious, very special, certainly worthy of company muffin, Ohno-san."

And Ohno as a slightly surly housekeeper ahhhhhh. I can just imagine his cute little spiky hair pushed back with a headband. And the company muffins! The company muffins!

I have to say, I didn't see the Sho/Jun thing coming at all, but I love how it developed in the background. The way it all developed towards Nino being warmly surrounded by all of his wonderful friends was so satisfying and sweet.

Nino's manner/personality is so realistically portrayed, and he's trying so hard to grow - and you can see how he emerges and works hard throughout the whole fic. It's so gradual, and it's seen so naturally through his own thoughts and interactions with the others. I also love that they accept him as he is.

Finally! Nino falling for Aiba was just heartwrenching and beautiful, and since everything is through Nino's POV, we just get these little glimpses of how strongly Aiba feels for Nino. The two of them in love is a beautiful thing, and thank you so, so much for writing this! I'm super excited for dirtbaguette to read this, because I know she is going to adore it, and I can't wait to talk about all of our favourite parts together!

[satoyan]

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you liked it. ♥

I loved writing them all together and making sure their relationships are all important. I also really really enjoyed writing in Sweets Club, haha, I want a whole side story (that appears out of thin air with no effort) that is just a montage of Sweets Club meetings.

I'm so glad Aiba was charming in that moment to you--I really wanted Nino to fall for Aiba pretty much immediately, first from looking at him, then talking to him, then hearing him be so sweet to plants, and then it's like every interaction with Aiba just throws him deeper into the feelings pit.

I can just imagine his cute little spiky hair pushed back with a headband.
I imagined this pretty much constantly because it's SUCH a good thing to imagine, omg. Ohno the slightly surly housekeeper was a joy to write. ♥ Who could resist his company muffins?

I'm so so glad Nino's progression in the fic felt natural, that was important to me. It was tricky when we only see him one day out of every year, and there were definitely times I regretted choosing this format. But it also really made me think about what would change and when and how, and how Nino's relationships would change as he change, and such.

It made me happy and a little sad (but mostly happy) to write in those little glimpses of Aiba loving Nino and Nino not even realizing. Like, it's funny to me that Aiba asks Nino out and Nino doesn't notice, but it's also a symptom of deeper issues... but then it works out, and they get together, so all is well. :D Sometimes I forget that the things I write can be angsty because I always have the picture of the happy ending in my head. ♥

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. It kind of felt like this fic was put out into the void, and then dirtbaguette came with the placeholder comment and I was relieved, but then I was even MORE relieved that a human came and read the damn thing and told me it wasn't terrible, fjkdlsaja, a key role and you filled it beautifully. Thank you for saving me with your kind words. ♥♥

[waxrose]

Ahhh, I'm so sorry I missed this until now! I need to check DW more often.

Honestly, this fic is just really, really beautiful. And YES, a montage of Sweets Club meetings would be beautiful. Would also love a sidefic focused on Sho and whatever starts building between him and Jun.

This entire fic is just Nino being completely weak to Aiba, which is so true and relatable. I loved the premise of 'just one day', and I felt you encapsulated the growth of each year so well in that. And yes, just to emphasize, the way that everyone is there for Nino and for each other and just all the connections between them! This is the kind of fic I live for and aspire to write! No one is a means to an end, everyone matters. ♥

[reveetoile]

This is such a wonderful story. I think I have to read it again later on :) So beautifully written. One can really see Nino's growth with him he was so brave and always getting stronger and stronger I felt very happy and proud of him :D

[satoyan]

Thank you! I'm so glad it worked for you. ♥ It was hard to write Nino having so many struggles, but it was rewarding to have him grow so much, too. Thank you for your kind comment! ♥

[reveetoile]

It was honestly so well written, I really liked it because it was not too little nor over the top (if that makes any sense?) and I think it's a very fine line people often don't manage to find

[rinalin]

Late to the party, but that's how I roll.

So Arashi on SNS has sucked me back in and this is literally the first fic I've read in maybe two or three years that wasn't one of my own.

I really can't seem to come up with the words I want to say, but this, as a story, deeply touched me. Nino's struggles were very real and empathetically written. As someone who frequently battles with self-isolating behavior, I found your treatment of his mental health beautiful and compassionate and it genuinely gave me hope that there's something worthwhile on the other side of all the hard work that it takes to grow past it. And you demonstrated that by showing that it took years for Nino to grow into someone who can trust.

Serious stuff aside, ARASHI/NINO YES! Nino's self-preserving snark hit all my soft spots. I don't even know. Ohno-papa and everyone living together and all the warmth and love and Jun and SHO! JUN AND SHO! And Jun just like... letting it slip all casually that they had a thing and Nino--!

Just gonna keep flailing to myself for a bit. Hand-holding.

Hand. Holding.

[satoyan]

Whether you're late to the party or not, you are quite welcome here. ♥

I'm honored you chose this fic to read, and even more honored that you think it did all right by Nino's struggles. There's a part or two of his battles that I relate to a lot, but more of it isn't, so I am relieved to hear that I didn't mess it up too badly. <3<3 The idea that this fic could give you hope is a beautiful one--thank you for sharing that.

And you liked the less serious stuff too, hooray! :D I really enjoyed writing in so much hand-holding in different kinds of relationships~

Thank you so much for taking the time to write me such a lovely comment. ♥!