fic for pierrot (2/2)

[nino_mod]

For: pierrot
From: :3.

Part 1


It was one of those rare days off, when Nino decided to go out for a stroll through the city, just to get some errands done and maybe snap some random pictures with his phone, like he enjoyed doing in his spare time. The crowded city could be stressful, but sometimes, Nino felt being calmed down by the hustle and bustle, which allowed him to separate himself from his surrounding, as if he was living in some kind of bubble. From that place, he was able to see the city in new light and like this, he often discovered unexpected things and places, beautiful things, that at least were worth a shot.

Honestly, Nino was surprised that Nagase had even granted him a day off, considering that he was still unsuccessful with the "Sakurai-affaire", as his boss called it casually. Of course, Nino had done other jobs and written articles about other celebrities, but he preferred to stay home and apply himself to his – as Aiba called it – "growing obsession with Sakurai Sho" but still had not written a single word about the man (if you didn't count the pages of praise he typed when he – just for fun – started writing reviews for the actor's works).

Aiba said that he didn't want to write a revealing feature about Sakurai anymore, and Nino had to admit that his best friend was right. The more he developed that strange affection for the actor, the less he wanted to complete the task he received from his boss, the less he wanted to harm Sakurai. But still, he was assigned to that project and somehow he had to deal with it. He just didn't know how.

Nino toyed with the thought of visiting the "Kujira Shokudou" again just to see if he would be lucky and be able to spot Sakurai there again, but in the end, he decided that he better shouldn't. Not only because he wanted to respect the actor's privacy, but also because he still didn't want to confront himself with the man.

His feelings for the actor – if you could even call them "feelings" – were still confusing the hell out of Nino. He didn't know what to think about them. Maybe he had kind of accepted by now that he had developed a celebrity crush on the man, but he disagreed with Aiba, who thought it was more than that, and he couldn't really say that he enjoyed it. Just hypotetically, having a crush was frustrating enough, having a celebrity crush though, knowing that chances were even lower when it came to such people, was just devastating and yeah, crushing. Maybe that was the true meaning behind that term, to begin with...

The young man had just finished some grocery shopping when he decided to walk through the city a little longer. An iced matcha latte in his one hand, his cell phone camera ready for any shot that might cross his path in the other, he walked down the streets. He watched people going in and out of the newest, hippest stores, children cheering happily over a balloon given to them by their parents, and sometimes he even checked the shop windows if something nice caught his interest.

What he did not expect was, that in the middle of all this, when he reached a small square, surrounded by trees and flower beds, housing a few food booths, a fountain and a small stage for one of those countless small local events that were spread all over the country, someone specific managed to walk into the frame of his cell phone camera. Sakurai Sho. That was, if Nino wasn't mistaken.

The man's chin almost dropped when he was holding his camera towards the small event stage, only with the intention to take a random shot, and he suddenly recognised the actor's face. He let his phone screen sink and focused his eyes onto the person he had just saw through the camera, a man, dressed up as an old man, who he might not even recognise, if he had not paid so much attention to that man's face recently.

Nino looked around to see what exactly was going on, but there was no big audience, only a couple of parents with their elementary school kids, sitting in a bunch of seats arranged before the stage. There was a woman up there talking, to explain the scenes that were being played. There were no cameras around – Nino checked once more – no group of fans or anything. Maybe he had mistaken? Maybe, this man wasn't Sakurai but just someone who looked alike?

Driven by his natural curiosity, the journalist decided to come closer and took one of the seats in a middle row at the very side, next to a father with his kid, trying to make himself as invisible as possible, and watched the scene for a few minutes. Apparently, the kids on stage together with the elderly-dressed man were acting some scenes about how kids should treat and help older people, and apparently, that was everything this was about.

Nino was speechless. He indeed must be right, recognising the man. He had the same facial expressions, even if the make-up made him appear much older than he was, and he had the exact same laughter that Nino heard so often on recordings of TV shows and on clips that he had watched over and over on YouTube. He knew that laughter, he knew it by heart and he would probably recognise it among thousands.

Still, he had had no idea about this event and Sakurai's participation, and even when checking his phone, he found nothing at all about this. There was no publicly announcement on any website or forum, not even a rumour thread on the Sakurai Sho fan forum, absolutely nothing.

The only thing that the journalist found after a few more minutes of browsing his phone, was a tweet by someone with the hashtag "#SakuraiSho" - a girl which apparently was only standing a few meters away from Nino at this very moment - had just posted a picture of the old man surrounded by kids. Nino refreshed the page, and then read a reply by someone who wrote that this couldn't be Sakurai Sho since a busy actor would not have time for such unadvertised event and that the girl must be mistaken. Nino looked up and turned his head again, just to see the girl leaving, her head slightly hung. When he refreshed the page again, the tweet from before had been deleted.

But Nino did not give up so easily, but continued watching the happenings on stage. His heart was beating a little faster, and he was wrecking his brain over why the actor would be here, undercover almost, if there were no official announcements of his participation in this act. When the young journalist couldn't get any further, he finally stood up again and went a few steps forward, approaching one of the workers for the event who was standing next to the audience.

It was a woman in her forties, who was holding a big basket filled with little presents, which consisted of a small information booklet and a muffin wrapped in cellophane, ready to be handed out to the guests of the event after it was over. The woman didn't seem less impressed by the man on stage, than the rest of the audience, and Nino actually wondered if they were all wondering about the same thing as he was.

In the end, he stepped in front of the woman, bowing slightly to catch her attention, a smile on his face.

"Excuse me, but..." he started. "That man over there..."

The woman smiled back, seemingly ready to help. "Ah, Sanada-san?"

Nino arched an eyebrow. "Sanada-san? Is that his name?"

"Yes, he's one of our volunteers," the woman replied, chuckling happily. "The children love him. We are really grateful for his help. And he's so handsome... he looks a bit like that actor, doesn't he?"

"Hm," So Nino – and that young girl from before – were not the only ones who had made this association, at least.

"Honestly, the first time he appeared, I thought it was him, but turns out, they are just looking a bit alike," she whispered, bowing a little forward to Nino, but still not saying Sakurai's name. It didn't seem important to her, she apparently was convinced that it was not him. Then, she switched the topic. "Are you interested in volunteer work too, young man?"

"Ah... uhm, well... I'm thinking about it," Nino fibbed, tilting his head, not wanting to appear indifferent.

The woman flashed him a huge smile and reached into the basket. "Here, take this," she said, pressing one of the give-aways into Nino's palm. "You can find more information on our website, which is printed in the little information booklet. Maybe I can see you joining us in such an event too, in the future."

"Thank you, I'll check it out," Nino replied with a nod, wishing her success with the rest of the event and finally retreating back to his row.

Nino continued watching the performance, a frown painting his face. He was still convinced, that despite the twitter response on the internet and the woman's words, the person up there on the small stage – assuming that it wasn't an unknown twin and such - was Sakurai Sho, even if he might be working under – probably another – alias. Or was it his real name he was using here? Anyway, he was an actor after all, it would be easy for him to play another person.

It was then, when suddenly, the man on stage looked right into Nino's direction and their eyes met. Nino's eyes widened, and the reaction of the actor on stage was not much different, and with that, it was a clear case for Nino. Their eye contact had only lasted for the split of a second, but it was enough proof for him that Sakurai must have recognised him. Crap.

Nino's heart started racing and his palms started sweating slightly, still holding the little give-away from the event in his hands. The cellophane was rustling silently as he crinkled it by tightening the hold around it.

He did not consider the possibility of being spotted by the other man and so he wasn't prepared and had no idea how to react now. Should he just stand up and walk away? Or should he wait until the event was over and try to approach him? His heartbeat sped up even faster at the thought that he could actually meet Sakurai again. It made him feel unease like hell.

Aiba said, that Sakurai was a nice man and might give him a second chance if he chose not to act against him but... give him a second chance for what exactly? What did Nino expect? He couldn't expect the other man wanting to have anything to do with him. He couldn't expect them to become friends, or... more. That was simply unrealistic and he was still in denial about if he even wanted that.

Anyway, Nino's feet seemed to be glued to the floor for as long as the event continued, and only when Sakurai finally left the stage, approaching some of the other volunteers of the event, Nino shot up from his seat and came closer too. Still, he held back, nervous and unsure about how to proceed from that point. Sakurai did not make eye contact with him again, either because he thought the journalist was already gone, or because he didn't intend to draw any more attention to him. The actor bowed to his colleagues and then disappeared into a small tent behind the stage, probably to change out of his costume.

Trying not to draw any attention onto himself, Nino slowly walked to a small group of trees nearby from which he could keep an eye on the small tent. As expected, after a few minutes, someone exited again – a man looking much younger than the one who entered earlier, with straight combed hair, wearing thick framed glasses and a facial mask. Nevertheless, Nino couldn't be fooled. Even if in disguise - it was Sakurai, for sure.

The man approached one of the volunteer women again, they exchanged a polite bow and he waved one last time at the group of kids who were on stage with him, and were now playing around cheerfully. Then, the man started throwing glances around him, as if he wanted to check if someone was observing him, and Nino quickly hid behind the tree he was leaning against, his heart hammering in his chest. When he dared to look again, Sakurai had started walking away, aiming for a side street. Probably, he came to the conclusion that Nino – in case he really recognised him – had left already.

Quickly, Nino left his position and went after him, first carefully, following him into the almost empty side street, then he started walking a little faster, trying to catch up. He swallowed, trying to press his heart, which was pounding in his throat, back down where it belonged, and then, he gathered all the courage he could find in every cell of his body and mind, and parted his lips.

"Sanada-san?" he finally exclaimed, using the man's alias to not make his cover blow up. "Sanada-san! Please, wait!"

The man in front of him suddenly stopped walking, and when he turned around and the men's eyes met again, Nino swallowed and Sakurai released a deep sigh.

"Ninomiya-san..."

"I knew it was you!" Nino said, triumphing inwardly, before taking a few more steps forward. He walked in front of Sakurai and looked at him, not able to hide a smirk. "Sanada-san sure, the hell! Ah, Sorry, I mean..."

"So it was really you in the audience... for a moment I thought I was just dreaming," the other man said, pulling down his facial mask. Nino's heart skipped a beat. Yes, those lips definitely belonged to Sakurai Sho. "Tell me, how...?"

"To be honest, it was pure coincidence," Nino replied in a low voice. "I was just doing some errands and then... I didn't know and I never expected you to be doing such events... there was nothing on the internet about it or anything..."

Sakurai chuckled, rubbing his neck with his hand. "Well..."

"You really didn't advertise it?" Nino wanted to confirm, frowning at the actor.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why should I?" Sakurai asked, sincere. "The purpose of this event was to teach children, that's all."

"But, you could use this as publicity!" Nino noted, stating the probably most common way of thinking in the situation. "People would be amazed to see you doing such things."

But the actor held up against the journalist. "It would only draw unwanted attention to it. This kind of events are preferably to be kept low-key, so that they don't miss their purpose."

The man started walking again, passing Nino, who followed him like a little dog would follow his owner. "Do you do this frequently?" he asked, curiously.

Sakurai hesitated, probably considering if he should tell Nino more or just leave him behind with his questions, but in the end, he replied. "Sometimes, if my schedule allows it."

"Why?" Nino asked, knowing that he sounded extremely curious. Well, he was. Honestly.

"I want to help," Sakurai said calmly. "I'm doing this for those people and to be honest... also for my own peace of mind."

For a few seconds, Nino didn't say anything, letting the information seep in. He knew about celebrities doing volunteer work or donating large sums of money to good causes, but usually, those gestures were spread all over the media, advertised by the person's management, covered by the media, and even if those were of course good things, Nino often got the vibes that in the end, the respective celebrities did not really care about what they were doing, as long as they received attention. But this case, Sakurai's case, was completely different.

"I'm impressed," Nino finally said. "Really, I'm impressed."

"Thank you, but you don't need to be...," Sakurai murmured and they fell silent for another few seconds, just walking next to each other.

Nino wondered where Sakurai was even heading to and if he was going to tell him to stop following him, when they reached a small café and Sakurai stepped inside. It wasn't a well-visited place although it was really nice, probably one of those places that suffered from the side-street complex, having customers taken away by shops lined along the nearby main shopping streets. Sakurai went straight to the counter, ordering a strawberry-lemon short cake and a cup of coffee for take away. Before long he left the shop again, the journalist still in tow.

"Listen...," Nino finally spoke up again, his eyes sparkling at Sakurai, who exchanged a short look with him, his beautiful lips connected to the plastic lid of his coffee.

The young journalist was suddenly struck by an idea. Maybe, he just found a way to finish his job to write about Sakurai, without having to dig deeper into his past, without pulling out all that nasty stuff his boss was expecting to be hidden by the actor. He could turn this project into a positive feature, he could write about Sakurai and his secret volunteer work, and nobody would be hurt. In fact, instead of crushing the actor with a devastating feature, he wanted to tell the whole world what a wonderful person Sakurai Sho was.

"May I write about this?" the journalist finally asked.

The actor looked at Nino, honestly surprised. He seemed to think about the offer, then, his face changed and he didn't exactly look amused by the suggestion, but rather concerned.

"Ninomiya-san...," he said, sighing slightly. "I really appreciate what you are asking and I know I can't stop you now that you caught me, but as I said, I think if too much attention is drawn to such events because of me, it would turn them into something else and they could miss their purpose. So I wish you would keep this as a secret, please, could you?"

The man stopped again, turned to Nino and sent him a pleading look. It was hard for the journalist to keep the eye contact, Sakurai's piercing look also piercing his heart.

"I mean, I don't need to write about what exactly you do, just... I think it's a wonderful thing to do what you're doing and I want people to know," Nino then voiced his sincere intentions.

Sakurai just chuckled, before he took another sip of his hot drink.

"Didn't you want to expose my dirty secrets to the world just some time ago?" he asked, arching a challenging eyebrow at Nino, that made the other man blush slightly and avert his eyes. "And now you want to show the world what a good man I am?" When the actor's voice suddenly changed from amused to a much more serious tone, Nino looked up at him again. "Believe me, I'm far from being a good person as you may see me as, now. I made mistakes. Horrible mistakes... and all I can do is to try to atone," Sakurai added and if Nino wasn't completely being fooled by his vision, he could see a hint of regret in Sakurai's suddenly sad eyes.

Nino's heart skipped a beat. Not only because he felt the urge to throw his arms around the man in front of him and hug him close to comfort him, but also because he felt his curiosity about that man returning full force. Just when he had kind of decided to accept Sakurai as the one he decided to show everyone around him, he had dropped such a hint, re-enforcing Nino's suspicion that Sakurai was indeed hiding something. But more than wanting to dig it up and serve it to Nagase to distribute it to the world, Nino wanted to truly understand Sakurai, so that he would be able to cheer him up and help Sakurai to find the peace of mind he was searching for.

He wanted to ask Sakurai what happened, he really wanted to, but he also knew that it was too early, that the man probably did not trust him. He had no reason to, after all. He was right, the last time they met, Nino still wanted to crush that man, he couldn't know how much his feelings had changed since then...

"I'm sure, you are a good person," was everything, Nino finally managed to say, trying hard, not to brush.

He sincerely hoped that he didn't sound as stupid as he felt right now, but when he saw Sakurai's face lighting up with a genuine, grateful smile, and Nino's heart stopped beating for a second, he didn't care anymore. It was like Sakurai's smile was everything that mattered now.

"What if you write an article about the importance of such events themselves? Without mentioning my name? Maybe that would help the volunteers and the kids," Sakurai unexpectedly suggested, leaving Nino dumbfounded. "Now, if you would please excuse me, I have a meeting after this and I don't want to be late. It's been nice to see you again, Ninomiya-san," Sakurai then continued, still smiling, when he realised that Nino wasn't really going to say anything anymore.

Nino wasn't able to. In the end, the actor nodded slightly, wishing the journalist a nice day, as if this was the most normal thing to say to someone who had been trying to ruin your reputation by uncovering the truth behind your past, for the past few weeks. Nino couldn't believe it. He just didn't get it.

Of course, if Nino had wanted to, he could have follow the man around. Maybe, just a few weeks ago, he would have done it. Maybe, if it wasn't about Sakurai but someone else, he would have done it. But at this very moment, he didn't feel like disrespecting a boundary someone just clearly made. He probably would even call himself lucky that he himself was treated with as much respect as Sakurai had treated him, by not being impolite, calling him names, or anything, and even chatting with him for a few minutes without sending him away.

It was enough for now, Nino thought. He shouldn't become greedy. Thus, he repeated the greeting, calling it after the man, and stopped in the middle of the street, staring at the slowly but surely disappearing silhouette of Sakurai.

That man was an enigma, through and through and the more Nino tried to decipher him, the more enigmatic he appeared. The more wonderful he appeared. The more pieces of Nino's heart did he steal, and if this continued, it wouldn't take long until Nino would be fully his.

Damned Aiba and his too smart conclusions, Nino cursed inwardly. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want to fall for a celebrity, especially not for someone who disliked him. How the hell did he manage to end up in such a messed up situation?! But it was probably too late already. He already was up the creek with no paddle, and passed the point of return.

On his way back home, Nino clenched the small present he had received from the volunteer of the event, that Sakurai participated in, planning to definitely check out their website once he was home. Sakurai had said something really meaningful. Maybe, Nino really could be of help, and offer his skills to them to spread their intentions in the right way. Just like Sakurai was contributing his talent for a good cause.

- - -

"Matsumoto?"

"Hm?"

"If I told you that this was our last time... what would you do?"

Nino bedded his head on top of Matsumoto's chest, as the two of them were cuddling on the huge hotel bed while watching a late-night movie together. Underneath the bedsheets – of course – they were naked. Matsumoto shifted a bit, and Nino sat up, escaping from the actor's embrace and darted a serious look at him.

"I would raise my eyebrow and ask you, why," the other man replied, doing exactly what he said, adding a slightly surprised smirk on top.

Nino averted his eyes, sighing. "I think I can't do this anymore... I mean, it was great, like always," he added, smiling at Matsumoto for the split of a second, before his look turned serious again. "I think I just can't sleep around anymore and such..."

Matsumoto was still looking at the young journalist – he could feel his eyes on him – and then he circled his arm back around Nino's slim waist to pull him into a caring hug. He smiled at him, friendlily.

"What's wrong? Anything you want to talk about? We're not having anything serious, Nino. It's just to relax. To have fun. Because we're both really good at this," the man stated.

"I know..."

"But you can't have this kind of fun with me anymore?"

Nino paused before he slowly shook his head. "I fear, I can't. I'm sorry."

After looking at his friend for a few seconds, Matsumoto asked, "Did you fall in love?"

It was a question which was not unexpected. From the very beginning, when the two men started sharing a bed on an occasional basis, Nino had made clear, that he would not sleep with Matsumoto, if the latter was in a serious relationship or anything. Even if he used sex as some kind of tool in his job, at times, Nino had his principle. He never used it as something to drive people apart. He never slept with married people or people who were seriously dating someone. He always respected those limits and it was just now that he realised, that he wanted others to respect those limits too, even if... well, he actually wasn't dating anyone. But dating or not, his feelings were becoming serious and he felt like he should treat them in a more respectful way.

"Oh Nino... really? You found a partner? Are you in a relationship?" Matsumoto asked, counting Nino's silence as confirmation. True happiness was lying in his voice as he pressed the other man a little closer like he wanted to congratulate him.

It made Nino's heart constrict a little bit and he shook his head, blushing in embarrassment before he chuckled, bitterly.

"Far from it but I can't help it...," he sighed. "It's stupid, isn't it? Love can't exist for me in that world..."

"You're talking about the showbiz world?" Matsumoto prompted, realization hitting him. "So you fell for one of us..."

"I fear I did," Nino replied, brushing a hand over his face.

"It could indeed become very hard," the other man said, thoughtfully.

"It already is."

"How are your chances?" Matsumoto asked.

Nino chuckled, nervously. "I can't even imagine telling him. And our... relationship is rather problematic, I think."

"Hm...," the actor tilted his head, curiously. "You mind telling me who it is?"

"I'd prefer to try a bit harder before I tell everyone who I'm unluckily in love with," Nino admitted after considering the option. Of course, he was talking about Sakurai Sho – who else – since after his last encounter with that man, he had made up his mind and finally accepted that he was in love with him, and it wasn't like he didn't trust Matsumoto, but he didn't want to jinx anything. Not yet.

"I can understand that."

"Sorry about all this..."

"It's OK, don't worry," the other man laughed. He put his hand from Nino's waist and lifted it to gently pat his hair before he progressed to bring both of his hands back to his own neck, folding them behind his head and leaning against the backrest of the bed. "To be honest, I probably would have talked to you about this the same way pretty soon...," he then added with a tiny smile dancing on his face.

"Oh! Does this mean, you and Ikuta-," Nino caught on, but confused over the now slightly frowning look of his friend, he stopped.

"It's not so easy yet," Matsumoto explained. "We're... getting closer I'd say. At least, he started texting me frequently and just a few days ago he even asked how I'm doing with my boyfriend... I think I can count this as a good sign, right?"

The journalist nodded heavily. "He definitely sounds interested, if you ask me."

"Or he's simply curious as fuck," the other man chuckled.

"No no, he's definitely interested," Nino repeated, enforcing. "So what did you tell him about your boyfriend?"

"I told him that he's a nice guy but that I'm not sure if things will work out for us," Matsumoto started to explain Nino the status of their fake relationship.

"Did he already offer you a shoulder to cry on?" Nino asked smirking, arching an eyebrow at his friend.

"More or less, yes," the other man replied, biting his lips in a cute way. "And to be honest, with you asking us to end this... I could actually make good use of the situation and try staging a disastrous break-up, crying my heart out in his arms..."

Nino chuckled amused. "You actors are a wicked folk."

"You're not so different from us, Nino," Matsumoto challenged and they both laughed before they fell silent, snuggling closer again and continuing to watch the movie that was still flickering over the TV screen.

"Matsumoto?" Nino started again a few minutes later, turning his head to lock eyes with the other man. He bit his lower lip, a bit nervously. "Would you... I mean... if this comes to an end, can we can still..."

"Be friends?" the other offered immediately, smiling broadly. "Of course we can. We can just text each other meet for drinks once in a while, instead of... you know what."

"I'm banned from the Matsuoka's, you know that, right?" Nino chuckled.

"Too well, I almost received a ban too for sneaking you in," Matsumoto explained.

"Eh?!" Nino sat up, staring at the actor. "I didn't know that! I'm sorry about that, it was completely my fault."

But the other man just shrugged it off. "I chose to take the risk when I let you in, so don't blame yourself. I knew what I was doing."

"You like risks, don't you?" the journalist smirked.

"It keeps me excited, I have to admit," Matsumoto replied, a dangerous glint flashing through his eyes. "Anyway, there are tons of other locations we can meet at, so I'm sure we will be able to arrange something."

Nino offered him a relieved smile. "I'd appreciate that. Really. You might not know, but your friendship means something to me, not only because of our business connection."

"Same. I came to like you quite a lot, little snoop," the actor said, throwing Nino a meaningful wink. "Good luck with your chosen one."

"Thanks, I might need it," Nino smirked, a bit bitterly but grateful for the support, before he leaned closer to place one last kiss on Matsumoto's lips. "Same to you."

- - -

Sho had just finished preparing things for the usual trip that he would be taking for the last day of the month ever since he had started working as a professional actor in Tokyo.

Tomorrow, he would get up early in the morning, go buy a few things to bring along, and then drive to his hometown, where he would still arrive before midday. He would meet with that woman, like he always did, and then go to the cemetery to offer his respect. Then, he would pay his parents a visit; spend the rest of the day with them and spend the night at their place, before driving back to his life in Tokyo the next morning, starting a new month with new energy.

This had become so much of a ritual that people might think it must have turned into a conditioned reflex, not holding much meaning anymore, but actually, each and every time, it was still a painful experience for Sho and would probably continue to be. Which was fine. He deserved it.

However, this time, if everything would go according to plan, for the first in a very long time, Sho wouldn't go alone.

The actor had made his decision, whether he would bring that specific person with him or not, rather quickly, and he was waiting for that one last sign to follow through with his plan. It was almost too late, but the sign came. So, the actor was now sitting at home in his bed, the clock ticking towards bedtime. He was about to send a text message that he had thought about carefully for the last few minutes and his heartbeat was racing. He went through everything in his head, for a last time.

If this worked out, Sho would expose himself in front of someone who was neither family, nor a close friend. It was uncertain if that person would even become something similar to a friend or even how that person would react to the whole thing. Sho would expose his past and his darkest side to someone, who was a threat to him and his career just a few weeks ago, but now became the symbol of his complete trust in humanity.

Was it crazy to decide everything on one card, to bet everything he had one number, to trust everything he was and had been to one person, just based on intuition and the words of a stranger?

Probably, yes. It could damage Sho's career to an extent he couldn't quite predict if it went wrong. He could lose faith in people, and he could be thrown back to rock bottom and lose everything he had worked for so hard. But somehow, he hoped, it was worth the risk.

Probably, Ohno was right, and Sho loved danger. But for him, that was fine. Besides being crazy, this would also be a challenge. A challenge for that person, as well as a challenge for himself, and Sho swore to himself, he would survive, no matter how it would turn out in the end. He had survived other things, he had committed mistakes, had been at his lowest and raised up again, atoning for his sins, earning the place in life he was holding now. Whether this whole thing would work out or not, he wouldn't let the world crush him.

It had been a surprise for Sho to meet Ninomiya in town, some days ago, completely by chance, as it seemed. He definitely had not expected the young man to recognise him during the small volunteer event, he had participated in under his alias "Sanada", and so he was simply not been prepared to face the young man at all. Even less had he expected the man to hold a conversation with him as they did, afterwards. Somehow, it had given him hope.

If Sho was completely honest, first and foremost though, it was Ninomiya himself who surprised him the most. He still had in mind the daring, self-confident and cheeky journalist, who didn't even back off from flirting – and kissing - as weapons to reach his goals, so the Ninomiya that Sho had met some days ago had been completely different. Like 180 degrees different.

He seemed friendlier, a bit shyer, and his intentions seemed to have changed completely. He seemed to be much less dangerous for the actor; at least, Sho hoped his guts didn't betray him. He could not be completely sure if all this had just been a tactic to confuse him, or if it was more like the real Ninomiya, Aiba had referred too. Judging from their encounter and listening to his own intuition though, Sho decided that Aiba must be telling him the truth. Ninomiya wasn't such a bad guy.

Sho also really wanted to believe it, because, additionally, this would make him feel much better regarding his confusing feelings towards the man. Probably, he wouldn't think of it as so strange to feel physically attracted to the man, that he might also find interesting as a character. And being honest, he must say that this rather cute and much less aggressive Ninomiya attracted him even more. At least, he couldn't say that he had not enjoyed the spontaneous little encounter with the other man, even if he was first a little shocked and might not be able to show it.

Before Sho decided to fully trust the young man, though, he had waited for one last sign. This eventually came in the form of a message from one of the women from the volunteer project, who happily texted their colleagues about a young journalist offering to help them with presswork as well as their internet representation, on a volunteer basis, in order to properly advertise and spread their good work. Sho didn't need to ask for that journalist's name, he just knew that it must be Ninomiya who offered his service, and the thought that Ninomiya really considered his suggestion made his heart beat a little faster.

With this, Sho had gathered enough proof for putting the plan he had worked on for the last few days, into action. He had stayed in contact with Aiba, so he knew that Ninomiya was still clinging to his job, even if he himself had indeed starting to slowly change for a while. Maybe, it wasn't too late yet for Ninomiya to get off that dangerous path he was walking on, and maybe, everything that the man needed was one last push in the right direction in order not to end up in those dark places that Sho had visited. Aiba said that Sho had the power to make Ninomiya change his mind, and if that was true, Sho wanted to try. He couldn't bear the thought of another person doing the wrong things and maybe end up regretting things that couldn't be undone. Sho might sound like a wanna-be hero, but he really just wanted to prevent Ninomiya from ending like he did.

Sho's plan was admittedly kind of risky, and it had taken him quite a bit of courage to decide on it. He would expose himself, completely, by deciding to trust Ninomiya with the darkness of his soul, and he would hope that it would make the man realise he was currently walking on the wrong path.

After taking one last deep breath, Sho finally tapped the send button on his phone, and continued to stare at the screen. He looked at the time, which was in the upper right corner in little numbers, showing that it was already half past 10. Hopefully, Ninomiya was still awake, or Sho's plan would fail right away. He cursed inwardly for taking so long to write that message, and read it again. It didn't even sound very special, or was especially long or anything. He groaned, frustrated.

On his screen there it was, simply written, "Ninomiya-san, this is Sakurai. I got your number from your friend Aiba. There is something I want to show you. Are you free tomorrow?"

He almost dropped the phone, when it suddenly vibrated, indicating an incoming message.

"Are you kidding me? Who are you, and where do you know Aiba from?"

"I'm the real Sakurai Sho," the actor replied, feeling a bit stupid about it, but how else could he -

"Prove it!" the next message dinged its way into Sho's phone.

He quickly thought about what to do to prove that he was actually real (this was so absurd, somehow), but in the end, he could only come up with one solution.

He started a video call.

When Ninomiya actually picked up, and saw Sho's face, his expression slipped immediately and it was the journalist, who literally dropped his phone in surprise, then.

"Oh holy sh...!" Sho could only hear parts of Ninomiya's cursing, the speakers of the phone covered by whatever the man's phone had fallen into, he couldn't help but grin, amused. Then, the phone was picked up again, and Ninomiya – with cutely tousled hair – frowned into the camera. "Sakurai-san!"

Sho chuckled, still amused over the other man's reaction. "I told you, I'm the real one. Good evening, Ninomiya-san."

"Fuck, I mean yes, OK, you convinced me… go-good evening," the journalist stuttered, obviously feeling nervous.

It caused Sho to chuckle, before something behind the young man caught his eyes. When he realised what it was, he felt his heart jump a little and his cheeks turning warm, and he had to try hard not to grin like a complete fool.

"Is that a poster of me on the wall behind you?" the actor then asked, smirking.

"What?! That – Don't look at my background, that's embarrassing!"

It amused Sho immensely to see Ninomiya flushing red and starting to panic right away, turning his head and then quickly standing up, just to change positions. He came to halt in front of what Sho assumed to be the man's bedroom door – at least, a poster less background. The actor bit his lower bottom lip, a question burning on his tongue that – even if he knew the answer already since Aiba told him – he couldn't help but ask, even if it was just to tease the other man.

"I forgot to ask you last time we met but... did you like my signature?"

By now, Sho really was grinning like a fool and Ninomiya could only stare at him, dumbfounded, his face, red like a tomato. When he lifted his free hand and tried to hid behind it, he was looking utterly cute, Sho noticed.

"I...," the young man tried to say something, but in the end, nothing more than an embarrassed "Yes, thank you" left his lips.

"You're welcome," Sho replied, satisfied. "I'm glad you like it."

"So... What do you want me to see?" Ninomiya managed to ask after a short silence.

"I can't tell you yet," Sho said. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 7."

"Do you even know my address?" Ninomiya frowned at him, confused.

"Aiba told me."

The journalist chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes. "Of course, he did... Should I even ask how you two ended up being in contact?" he questioned rhetorically, before he continued. Apparently, he didn't seem too surprised over his friend's action.

"Let's say you probably have the greatest best friend in the whole world," Sho smiled at the journalist. "So, are we meeting tomorrow?"

"I have no idea what you are up to, but yes, sure... I'll be ready."

"Good," Sho smiled, satisfied. "Then see you tomorrow, Ninomiya-san. Good night."

"Good night, Sakurai-san," Ninomiya replied.

After Sho hung up, he took a deep breath, trying to calm his heartbeat. That phone call had been surprisingly cute, he thought, but even more important was that things would work. Now everything was settled and there was no turning back. Ninomiya had agreed to meet, and Sho would show him everything, hoping to make something in the man click. He was pretty convinced that it would work, even if there was still a certain amount of risk, and – as Sho now realised – apparently also a hint of fear that Ninomiya could turn his back on him after finding out. But no, he should try to think positive, right? After all, he had made a decision.

- - -

Sho pulled his car in in front of Ninomiya's apartment complex, of which he had already received the address from Aiba a few days ago. It was looking just like one of those normal, not too expensive, not too run-down places with several units, as seen all over Tokyo. When the man parked his car, he already spotted Ninomiya standing close to the entrance, leaning against a pillar, and apparently dozing off a little. Sho chuckled, wondering for how long Ninomiya was waiting for him in that position.

When the actor stepped out of his car, and approached the other man, Ninomiya seemed to be pulled out of his slight slumber, and immediately stiffened when he saw the other man coming closer. The journalist bowed slightly, wishing a good morning, and Sho gave it back with a smile. Ninomiya was wearing casual clothes again, light blue jeans, sneakers and an opened, short-sleeved navy-white checked buttoned-up shirt over a black tank top. His hair was a bit tousled and Sho had to admit that he was smitten by the stylish but at the same time very cute looking man. Not that this was important now. He was just noticing.

"Where's your driver?" Ninomiya asked curiously, obviously surprised, when they reached Sho's car and he was gestured by the other man to take the passenger's seat.

"I'm driving by myself today," Sho stated the obvious, smirking a little proudly. "You know, just because I prefer to be driven to and from work, it doesn't mean that I don't have a driving license."

Ninomiya pouted cutely, murmuring something like, "I never said anything like that," and then got into the car.

Sho took off, guiding his car smoothly through the streets of Tokyo, heading straight for the next highway. Ninomiya obviously didn't dare to say anything for the first few minutes, but judging from the side-glances Sho could almost feel from the other man, the actor assumed that it was just a matter of time before the journalist would give in to his natural curiosity. He was proven right, when Ninomiya, even before they reached the highway, turned in his seat to face Sakurai and parted his lips.

"Where are we going?" he asked, as if this question had been burning him from the inside.

"My hometown," Sho simply replied, not even taking his eyes off the road.

"And where exactly is that?" the journalist inquired further, the ants in his pants showing as he was shifting nervously in his seat.

"You'll see, when we reach it," the actor answered.

"You are not going to kidnap and kill me, are you?" Ninomiya then asked, chuckling a bit nervously, probably not sounding as convinced as he intended to.

Sho couldn't help but burst into laughter, and for once, he turned his head towards his passenger, who frowned at him, seriously troubled by now.

"No worries, I'm not... a murderer," Sho replied, but he probably also did not sound as convinced as he wanted.

"This is making me nervous," Ninomiya replied honestly, arching a critical eyebrow at the actor before he tried settling back in his seat. Then, Sho pulled up to the highway, finally, taking the Metropolitan Expressway Yaesu Road heading north.

They didn't really talk during their trip, only listening to the radio. A few times, Sho asked Ninomiya if he needed to take a small break to get some coffee or going to the toilet, but except from one small coffee break at about what Sho called halfway of their tour, they just kept driving at a fast pace. Ninomiya must have soon figured out where Sho was heading, as he seemed to carefully take in the highway signs pointing at their direction, because until the very end, Sho didn't give away the answer.

About 4 hours after their start, they finally reached Sho's hometown - Sendai in the Miyagi-prefecture. They drove a couple more minutes through the city, until Sho turned into a residential area and parked his car along the side of a street in a calm neighbourhood.

"Are we here?" Ninomiya finally asked, confused, when Sho showed signs to unbuckle his belt, but the journalist hesitated to do so himself. "Where exactly are we and what are we doing here?"

"I have something to do here. You stay in the car and watch, OK?" Sho just asked.

Then, he reached behind his seat and fetched a bag, which he brought onto his lap to pull out a thick white envelope. He put back his bag and breathed in and out strongly, a few times, trying to calm his raising heartbeat. He hated these moments, but back then, he himself had insisted on doing this, each and every month, to punish himself for what he had done. He'd survive, just like he always did. The only difference was, that this time he had an audience and yes, it made him even more nervous than usual. But he had wanted this, so he couldn't chicken out now.

"What is this all about, Sakurai-san?" Ninomiya urged the actor to explain again, but Sho just gave him a determined look.

"Please, don't say anything, and... don't run away."

"I thought, you did not kidnap me, am I not a free man?" Ninomiya obviously tried to joke with a crooked smile on his lips – maybe to lighten up the atmosphere – and just for a second it worked, and made Sho smile involuntarily.

"Just watch, OK?" he then repeated, almost begging, and if he wasn't busy with being so nervous, he would probably find Ninomiya's back to confused face right now highly amusing.

The actor took a last deep breath before he finally pushed open the car's door and stepped onto the asphalt. He crossed the street with slow steps, heading towards a small, white house with a cute small garden in the front, surrounded by waist high bushes and showing a yellow painted dog house as well as several children's toys spread over the freshly cut lawn. He pressed the doorbell at the entrance to the garden and announced himself through the intercom system. When he heard a buzzing noise, he pushed open the gate to walk up the short path towards the front door, where he pressed another doorbell.

His heart sank into his stomach during the seconds he had to wait until someone came to answer the door, and like he always did, he stepped back and already lowered his head deeply before the door even opened, holding the white envelope, clenched with his hands, out in front of him.

When the door slowly swung open, Sho didn't dare looking up right away, and just kept standing there with his lowered head, before he said, "Takeuchi-san, please accept my poor compensation again for this month!"

The person in front of him didn't move for a few long seconds, until finally, a hand took the envelop from Sho and the young man lifted his head, looking at a woman, dressed in a casual home dress, her hair falling over her shoulders in slight waves, and her age showing in the worry lines all over her face. As always, there was a sad look in her eyes, but as Sho had noticed over the last few months, the disgust and hatred that had been paired with the sadness, had ebbed down a little more, once again. Maybe, he should feel relieved about that development, but honestly, it felt rather like a stab right into Sho's heart. Even if that woman could ever forgive him what he did, it would not decrease the weight of his guilt. He swallowed down a lump in his throat.

"I accept," the woman simply said in a weak voice, before she bowed slightly towards Sho as to bid him farewell, who lowered his head deeply again, and then vanished back into the house.

When the door fell shut with a ridiculously loud clatter, Sho straightened his back again and after another second of breathing calmly, to remind himself that no matter what he did, he couldn't undo what was already done, he turned around to make his way back to his car.

When he spotted Ninomiya still sitting in his car, Sho felt ridiculously relieved. He remembered, that this time, he wasn't alone. Even if the situation was strange, and probably would become even stranger, it had something oddly soothing.

He almost expected Ninomiya to bombard him with questions the second he opened the door and sat back inside of the car, but to Sho's surprise, the journalist simply stared at him with an uncomprehending look. Sho gave himself one more moment to prepare for the following, which wouldn't be less hard than what he had just done, and then he turned to his left, looking straight into Ninomiya's eyes.

"You watched everything?" the actor asked, to start off, even if it was obvious that Ninomiya did.

As expected, the young man nodded, but still didn't say anything.

"And you didn't run away. Thank you for that," Sho sighed, relieved, before he continued. "What did you just witness here?"

"I am not sure...," Ninomiya said in a low voice. He seemed a bit insecure, and nervously averted his eyes.

Sho chuckled softly, crossing his arms. "You're a journalist, what do you think you just witnessed here?" he asked, throwing a slightly challenging look at the man beside him.

Ninomiya tilted his head, before he started summarizing his observations. "I saw you talking to a woman, who lives in this small family house with a dog and one, maybe two or more kids... giving her an envelope. Most likely... money."

"So what's your conclusion?" Sho prompted him, again.

"That...," Ninomiya hesitated for a moment, but then, he just spilled his thoughts. "I think she might be your ex or something and you are paying her to keep quiet about your past relationship and... maybe secret kids?" The man asked, arching a questioning eyebrow at the actor. He still looked utterly confused, maybe even a little worried.

"That's what it must look like for someone who does not have the insight into the situation, right?" Sho sighed.

"Maybe it's just my deduction. I might be wrong," Ninomiya replied.

"Well, you are wrong," Sho confirmed. "But I will tell you the truth."

Ninomiya looked at him, puzzled, and they locked eyes.

"Why?" he asked, his voice almost sounding weak. "I mean... aren't you scared that you are feeding a lion with such information? What if right now I'm recording our conversation and once I get back home I type it down and publish a big revelation about you in the next issue of the "Un[der]cover"?"

It didn't feel like Ninomiya meant what he said and it would also contradict how he acted the last time they met, but Sho understood that being thrown into such a situation must be difficult. The man would be trying to uphold an image, as how he had been defining himself through his job throughout the past few years. It was surely not easy to get out of what became one's daily life. Thus, Sho could not be 100 % sure of how Ninomiya would react to the situation, but he sincerely hoped his intuition wasn't fooling him and that Ninomiya was actually already halfway through the changing process. He had to trust him, he reminded himself. If he didn't even try, there would be no success.

"I know, you're not doing that," Sho simply said calmly. "Last time you offered to write something about my volunteer work, correct me if I'm wrong but it gave me the feeling that you're not interested in publishing something negative about me. Not anymore… for whatever reason. I don't think you will tell anything to anybody if I ask you to keep this information to yourself, right?"

"What makes you believe that? I don't get it... Is that also something Aiba told you?" Ninomiya asked.

"I trust you because I want to believe that deep down you are not one of those hungry gossip tab journalists," Sho said, determined, not breaking their eye contact. "Deep down you are one of those people who are sincerely interested in the truth. That's why you offered to write about my volunteer work, didn't you? And that's why you initially wanted to write about my past. But you are not interested in destroying people, right?"

Ninomiya didn't reply right away, and just kept looking into Sho's eyes, blinking a few times, insecurely. Sho felt like he could see through the man completely, at that moment, having voiced what the other had must been thinking throughout the whole time. Then, the journalist's eyes trailed off a little, breaking their eye contact. He sighed before he finally replied.

"True. I like to get to the roots of things," the man admitted. "It doesn't mean though, that I have to spread all the information that I obtain to the whole world in order to hurt someone... still, theoretically I could sell your story... you shouldn't trust people like me so blindly..."

"But you won't," Sho said once more, determined, shaking his head. Ninomiya looked back at him, sharply pulling in some air. "Because you are a good guy, and you don't want to ruin my reputation, right? I know you do not want to hurt me. That is… if you don't find the truth too disgusting, at least...," Sho finished, before it was his turn to avert his eyes.

"I just still don't get why you chose to entrust something to me out of all people...," Ninomiya asked, biting his lower lip. "Last time we met, you didn't look so comfortable when I found out about your volunteer work..."

"I was surprised to meet you there, to be honest… But just as I asked you to, you did not tell anybody about it, right?" Sho remarked. "Rather, you contacted the volunteers yourself and offered your help."

Ninomiya gasped at the actor, surprised. "How do you even know about that?"

"They told me," the other man explained, smiling, before he shook his head slightly. "But that is not the point right now. I told your friend Aiba already that I believe that people deserve a second chance. I received a second chance after I messed up really badly, and I want to give you a second chance too. So I decided to trust you."

Silence fell over the two men, for a few minutes. Then, Ninomiya swallowed and finally spoke up again.

"Tell me your story, then..."

"Let me show you something else, first, please," Sho said, buckling his belt and after Ninomiya nodded, agreeing, the man started the engine of his car again.

The ride didn't take long, and guided them just a little further into the neighbourhood, until Sho stopped the car again and asked his passenger to get out, together with him. Still confused, but willing to abide Sho's wish, Ninomiya followed him, when Sho entered a small flower shop and picked three white chrysanthemums. Then, they followed the street a little further, before Sho made a left turn, entering the local cemetery.

"This is part of my monthly ritual," Sho finally said, feeling Ninomiya's unspoken questions lingering in the air between them. "I hope you don't mind accompanying me."

"You... you're coming here every month?" Ninomiya wondered.

Indeed, Sho had to admit that it was quite frequent. However, he felt like once a year was not enough, considering the weight of his crime. They continued walking, until Sho stopped in front of a grave, knelt down, put the flowers in a vase after removing the slowly dried old ones, and then brought the palms of his hands together for a prayer.

"Why are you visiting a grave so often?" the journalist continued asking, after Sho had finished and stood up again, still looking at the gravestone. "Who... who is the person who died?"

Sho took a deep breath, preparing himself. Now, it was time to actually tell the truth. He felt his palms starting to sweat a little, and his heart pounding faster, but he had decided to do this and so he couldn't stop now. He would live through the entire horrible story once more and he would tell Ninomiya everything, every little detail.

"His name was Takeuchi Kouta," the actor finally started to tell. "He was the section chief of the product development department of a famous company here in town, and he liked playing with money. He died four years ago, and left behind a wife and two children."

Ninomiya frowned, the wheels inside his brain obviously working to catch up. "Wait... Takeuchi... isn't that the name of the woman you just visited before? I saw the name on the house plate at the entrance of their garden when we passed it..."

"It is," Sho nodded. "She is the widow."

"Why did you give her money?" the other man asked, still composed, but Sho could see that Ninomiya was turning a bit nervous. Probably, he was already putting together possible reasons and scenarios for this. He was smart after all, and if Sho just told him a few more things, he would probably be able to solve the puzzle by himself.

Sho turned around to face the young man, searching for his gaze. For a moment, he was getting scared, even if he wanted to trust Ninomiya, there was this inkling of a possibility that he would judge Sho for what he did, and maybe even starting to hate him. Sho didn't want that. He really didn't want that, he realised once more, and the imagination of losing his chances, chances that he somehow hoped to have with Ninomiya – with the real Ninomiya, made it hard for him to carry through his plan, at least for a moment.

"Sakurai-san?" the journalist asked, almost in a whisper.

During those few seconds of hesitation, Ninomiya's look had turned from curious and slightly critical, to almost scared, and Sho could see the insecurity taking over the young man. Sho took another deep breath and tried to focus.

"Because it is my fault that her husband died," he finally said, keeping his eyes locked with Ninomiya's, who immediately turned pale.

Silence fell over the place again, the bird's twittering and the sound of the cicadas taking over the summer scene were everything they heard, the noises resounding in the two men's heads becoming louder and louder.

"...What?" Ninomiya finally asked, his voice thick and almost silent. Then he slightly shook his head. "No... you're kidding, aren't you?"

Sho lowered his head. "Unfortunately, I am not."

"But... you didn't really kill anyone, right?" the journalist wanted to confirm, releasing a desperate chuckle before he turned completely serious again. "Tell me you didn't..."

"I am not a murderer," the actor jumped in, trying to prevent the other man from panicking. "At least not by the definition of law," he added.

"What happened?" Ninomiya asked, nervously.

Sho considered reaching out for the journalist's arm, however, in the end, he didn't dare to touch him, fearing he would scare him away. Instead, he decided to tell his story.

"Before I became an actor, I used to work as a stock-broker here in Sendai," Sho began, where he thought it would be appropriate to. "I used to spend my time from 9 to 5 in the office, often longer, and sell stocks to strangers, over the phone. I called them, pretended to be the best man they would ever come across when it came to stocks, and talked them into investing money in stocks and shares, like this would be the ultimate goal to reach with their money," Sho said, remembering his old self.

Ninomiya just continued listening closely.

"I was good at my job, very good and as a result, I was conceited. I could sell them everything. And so I did with Takeuchi-san. He was searching for a way to invest money into the future and he thought, stocks would be a good idea. He called our office, and just like the money hungry hyena I was, I smelled a good opportunity for a deal and sold him far more stocks than he could actually effort... first, it seemed to go well for him, but then the stock's value dropped immensely. It wasn't the only time he called and again and again he invested money, he was addicted... In the end, I didn't even need to do anything but listen to what he wanted to do, and I bought the stocks he wanted with his hard-earned money without questioning until..."

"...he went bankrupt?" Ninomiya asked carefully. As expected, he caught up to the situation immediately and by now, he probably could already see where this was heading. Sho sighed and nodded.

"The last time he called me, he was crying. He told me that he couldn't pay his daughter's school fees any longer, that his wife needed to start a part time job to keep the family from starving... it was horrible. But still, I didn't say anything to stop him when he asked me for one last time to invest his last 10,000 Yen," Sho continued. "In the end, he was unlucky again, the stock dropped and he lost everything. I didn't hear from him again, but three days later in the newspaper, I read about his suicide."

Ninomiya took in a deep breath, clasped his hand in front of his mouth, involuntarily and his eyebrows furrowed, for a moment he averted his eyes. Honestly, Sho could understand the man's reaction. It was the worst, Sho had ever experienced.

"It was a huge shock for me too, to be honest," the actor admitted, sighing when the guilty feeling overwhelmed him again. "It's not like it was written that Takeuchi-san's broker drove him to suicide or anything, but the article clearly stated strong suspicion that the man took his own life because he had money trouble and couldn't provide financial support to his family any longer. I was so naïve and selfish, until that day I was only thinking about myself and the money I'd be able to earn. I had no idea that what I was doing could have such a big effect on someone's life. I felt... so horrible," Sho said, thoughtfully, before he paused.

"What happened then?" Ninomiya asked after a few seconds of silence, knowing that the story wasn't over yet.

"Takeuchi-san's wife knew about his addiction of investing in stocks... so I expected her to call our office or send the police, or at least sue me. I expected her to want to crush me and to make me take the responsibility for what I've done," Sho continued. By now, he was slightly shaking, unable to control his body any longer. "But in the end, no police came, no letter from a lawyer came, and the call I feared so much also never came. I couldn't understand why. I couldn't understand why Takeuchi-san's wife wasn't getting to me..."

"You couldn't have known that he would go to such extremes, Sakurai-san, and she must have known that too," Ninomiya suddenly said with a soft voice, unexpectedly coming a step closer. "Also, by the law, nobody would be able to arrest you. There is no law that makes a broker responsible when a client commits suicide..."

Sho nodded, not sure if he could count Ninomiya's statement as simply that, or as a possible support. But even if he would think of Sho as innocent, it didn't matter, for what Sho was seeing himself. Even with years of therapy with Ohno, with trying to make his mind think differently, in the end, he saw himself as guilty. The only thing that changed was that he found a way to keep on living despite the feeling of guilt eating into him. He had apologized, more than once, and he had inflicted punishment on himself. He tried his best to atone, tried his best to help other people where he could, while restricting himself from happiness in other parts of his life. But no matter what he did, the guilt never left him.

"That's right, there is no such law," the man agreed. "But in the end, that's exactly what I did. I was responsible for that man's death because I let him make one wrong decision after the other and did not even try to stop him when I knew that he was about to lose everything, because I was a money-grubbing asshole! By my definition, that was negligent homicide... and all that just for money..."

The actor bit his lip, pausing for a moment. His heart was constricting painfully. It always hurt to think about it. To remember what kind of a man he was back then and to think about how much he hoped he had changed since then, because he never wanted to be like that person ever again. How cold and how heartless he had been. How much he cared for money and how little for the lives of his clients.

"But... you changed, didn't you?" he heard the journalist's voice, and it sounded gentler than he ever expected it to.

"Well, I tried to. You know... Takeuchi-san's suicide was like a wake-up call. Realising that I could have prevented it, but didn't do anything... I couldn't help but feel guilty for what happened," Sho confessed.

"When I fully understood what I did and was still about to do if I kept on doing that job, I immediately quit. You might think, it's ridiculous, but I even changed my name, and with the money I had earned over the years, I left my hometown and went to Tokyo. I couldn't stand myself anymore, I wanted to start anew. First, I didn't know what to do. I was haunted by nightmares, and when I accepted the fact that they would follow me around wherever I would go to, I hit rock bottom. I don't know where I would be today if I hadn't met Ohno – my therapist -... he really did a great job in helping me to continue living and find myself. He helped me to realise that the talent I had been using to deceive hundreds of people in my previous job, could actually be used in a good way."

"You mean your acting talent," Ninomiya concluded and Sho nodded.

"He gave me new courage and showed me how to use and firm up my strengths and I decided to live on and make use of it, as best as I can."

"And so you decided to become a professional actor?" the journalist concluded. "Didn't you fear to be... well, found out and have your career ruined? Did you want to commit career – no - symbolic suicide, if you were found out?"

Sho sighed. He could understand Ninomiya's argument, just too well. But he had his reasons. "I admit it is risky..."

"It's very risky, if you ask me!" the journalist exclaimed, sounding like scolding a friend out of worry.

"I know, but I wanted a job that allowed me to earn a lot of money," Sho explained.

"Wait...," Ninomiya brushed a hand over his frowning face. "Didn't you just tell me that money is what made you into such a money-grubbing asshole, that you didn't even care about your clients? Your words by the way, not mine," he didn't sound judging, but rather confused. "I... I just want to understand..."

"I didn't want the money for myself," the actor then continued, causing the other man to frown even more. "I wanted to earn money and offer it to Takeuchi's widow and her children. First, I was able to pay her off with my savings, since, actually, I saved quite a lot... but then I would need another, stable job, to continue providing her with money. I thought that was the least I could do for the family..."

"Are you crazy?!" Ninomiya asked, getting more and more worked up. "You said she never called your office, she never accused you, so she probably would have left you alone, but you... what, you went to her, told her "Hi, I'm the one who drove your husband into suicide, sorry about that, here take some money", or what? What if she told the press and exposed you?! That's fucking dangerous!"

Sho, who sincerely had not expected such a strong reaction from the other man, and especially not one that made Ninomiya sound so worried about him, could just stare at him, before he finally collected his words to continue.

"Well... yes, that's what I did. I told her about the situation, I told her I was sorry... and I promised her to provide her and her children with money," he said. "First, she didn't even want to take it... She said that money wouldn't bring her husband back, and she also said that exposing my involvement in the whole thing would not bring him back, either. She simple asked me to live on and to atone for my sins for the rest of my life and never to forget her husband. I promised her, but still, I wanted her to take the money. In the end, I was able to convince her, but only after I told her that I sincerely wanted to help in paying off the home loan and guaranteeing her children financial support for their future education."

Ninomiya hummed, understanding. "So ever since, once a month, you bring her money..."

"And come here to remember her husband and his death, yes."

"Once a month...," the journalist replied, thoughtfully. "That's quite a lot, you know?"

Slightly confused, Sho looked at the other man, wondering, if that was really everything he was concerned about right now, or if there were going to be more questions or statements Ninomiya wanted to drop on him. But the young man didn't say anything for a while. He took a few more steps towards the grave, so that he was now standing right next to Sho, who turned to look at the young man who just stood there, calm, letting his eyes wander over the engraved name of Takeuchi Kouta at the grey, simple tombstone.

The young man's calmness somehow had a soothing effect on Sho. A few more minutes passed without neither Ninomiya nor Sho saying anything, and the actor used the time to reflect a bit onto the situation. If he interpreted Ninomiya's behaviour right, the man would most likely not despise him about his past. However, Sho was still not sure what he really thought about it. His insecurity and the weight of his own confession then hit him once more, and the air seemed to become a bit harder to breathe.

Wishing for the whole thing to come to a proper ending, and to hear more about Ninomiya's thoughts – which for him seemed to be the only ones that counted at this very moment - Sho shyly reached out his hand to touch the other man's arm. His heart was beating faster and he almost feared that Ninomiya would draw back and give him a disgusted look or something similar, but to the actor's relief, Ninomiya did nothing like that. Instead, he just turned his head to look at Sho, softly, a hint of sadness and pity in his eyes. Pity for... Sho?

"So... what do you think?" Sho then asked, nervously, his heart pounding in his throat and making it hard for him to speak at all.

Ninomiya hummed, as if searching for the right words, before he eventually replied. "To be honest, I don't know what to think... I'm a bit shocked."

"I did some pretty bad things in my life, didn't I?" Sho said with a slightly shaking voice.

Sho wasn't even sure what exactly he was aiming for. What was he hoping for? What did he expect to happen now? Did he want the other man to scold him? To hate him? To expose him, just as he deserved? Or did he want him to say something nice to him that would make him feel better? He really did feel bad right now, it was never a nice experience to remember all the things that happened, and it was hard enough to come back to them once a month, but having to explain them to someone else in such details, had been draining. By now, Sho had certainly reached a point at which he would just want to start crying like a child.

All the doubts Sho had pushed away in order to complete his mission – to show Ninomiya how things could turn bad if people – like him – used their talents in the wrong way, as well as challenging his apparently good core, had come back over Sho, as soon as he had allowed his personal desires to show. Yes, besides all those things, in all honesty, he also just wanted to be accepted by Ninomiya. He felt a bit guilty about having those personal motives mixed into the situation, but he couldn't help it. Maybe, after all, he was still a selfish person to some extent...

Probably, if there was ever a real chance for the two men to become friends or something similar, Sho would have ruined it by now. Or maybe, Ninomiya was even thinking about how he could turn his story into the right, best-selling headlines for his tabloid, bringing punishment over Sho, which he actually deserved. Yeah, that was how bad Sho's doubts had become, but no, he still wanted to believe in the young man. He had decided to trust him, after all.

"I... I would understand if you despise me now," Sho continued, pouring all of his doubts into that statement. His heartbeat was hammering almost painfully in his chest.

"No, that's not it," Ninomiya replied, shaking his head. "Rather than that, I simply didn't expect something like that, I guess. I'm surprised."

Sho's heartbeat raised. This still didn't answer his real question.

"No," Ninomiya then continued, unexpectedly, locking eyes with Sho again. "It's true that I'm surprised, I had no idea that you've been someone so completely different before your acting career, but even more than that, I am impressed... you managed to change so much, you basically became a whole other person along the way. Now look at you, you're successfully leading an actor's life, although you had such a past," the young man said. "I think you're a very strong man, Sakurai-san."

Sho just stared at the journalist, dumbfounded. He didn't expect that... Did he understand wrongly, or did Ninomiya actually praise him?!

"I still do have very weak moments. A lot. I still can't forgive myself...," the man then confessed.

Then, something different seemed to come to Ninomiya's mind. "Did you ever think about why the widow of Takeuchi-san does not resent you and doesn't want to take revenge on you?"

Sho didn't reply, just watching the other man, who quickly caught up to tell his reasoning.

"Maybe it's because she does not blame you. At least not fully. I mean... I don't know if your therapist ever told you, but I am of the opinion, that in the end, the one who makes the last decision about committing suicide, is the victim himself, and nobody else."

Sho stiffened, and suddenly, he felt being thrown back to the acting therapy classes of Ohno, the one day when he broke down from his guilt and Ohno was the first one to tell him exactly that. "True... he once said that to me. But I have to admit, that sometimes, I tend to forget those words..."

"It may not be enough to kill that feeling of guilt inside your heart," Ninomiya continued, "But just as we are responsible for our own lives, in some cases, we are also responsible for our own deaths, right?"

The journalist had a point, Sho had to admit, but he didn't seem to have finished yet. His look turned softer now, and then, he suddenly took a step closer towards Sho. He let his eyes drop and then, lifted one of his hands, carefully, even shyly, bringing it up to Sho's chest, placing it on top of it and causing his heart to jump in confusion about what was happening. Ninomiya didn't dare to look at the other man, but Sho could see the serious look on the young man's face.

"I got to know you as a good-hearted man, so I don't want you to suffer from being ridden by this guilt forever, so please, can't you consider trying and... not forget it but forgive yourself? A little bit?"

"It's a hard task..."

"I know, but, you're not alone in this, are you?"

Sho thought about his parents, who – although he had been such a troublesome son for so many years – were always standing by his side. He thought about Ohno, who had pulled him out of his misery and was his supporter ever since. Also Keiko, whom Sho had trusted with everything so that their working together would work out as well as possible. And also Ninomiya, now, even if this might have come quite unexpected.

"I guess I'm not alone."

Suddenly, Ninomiya blushed a little, and as if he was just realising that he was touching Sho, he backed off a little, seemingly embarrassed.

"I-I think you're on the right way," he added, nevertheless, throwing shy glances towards Sho. "You are already doing your best to atone. You deserve to live the rest of your life and enjoy it. At least, that is my opinion. You earned your place."

"What are you going to do now?" Sho just had to make sure... "Are you going to sell my story to your tab? I mean... technically, now, you could. It's not in my power anymore..."

"No," Ninomiya said, thoughtfully before he turned his head and locked eyes with the actor again, this time much more determined. "Never. I won't betray your trust, and I won't take the place you owned for yourself away from you. I promise. You can be sure of my support!"

Upon hearing this, Sho honestly felt like a huge weight fell off his chest and he had to pull himself together, not to burst into tears of relief. He let out a relieved sigh, smiled at Ninomiya, sincerely, and then lifted his face, darting his look up. The blue of the slightly cloudy sky suddenly seemed even bluer than before, and the white clouds were almost blinding Sho's eyes. He blinked away the upcoming tears and then, looked back at the man standing in front of him.

"See?" he then said, chuckling, a sincere smile on his face. "I knew I could trust you."

"That was really risky, though," Ninomiya dared to point out.

"Sometimes, it's worth taking a risk."

"You're a crazy man...," Ninomiya chuckled.

Sho chuckled too, involuntarily. "Thank you, Ninomiya-san."

"For calling you crazy?" the other offered with a shy side-glance at the actor. "Oh, I can do even better."

"I mean it," Sho replied, still smiling. "Thank you. You know what for."

They slowly went back to the car, hopped inside, and once Sho felt ready to go, he took off again. For some reason, the actor found it inappropriate to turn back on the radio, and so, they drove in silence.

"And... what now? Are we driving back to Tokyo?" Ninomiya asked, a few minutes into the slightly awkward situation.

Sho was honestly glad that the other man broke the ice first. He wouldn't have known how to start a normal conversation with him again, just after making such a huge confession to the man. Thankfully, Ninomiya let the topic rest for now. It was, like he had said everything, he had on mind regarding it.

"No," Sho finally replied. "Now, we're driving to my parents. I always pay them a visit after I'm done with this."

"I'm coming with you?! To your parents?!" the journalist exclaimed, staring at the driver, surprised.

"Yeah, well...," Sho scratched his neck. "I always visit them afterwards... I even spend the night there and drive back the next morning."

"We're staying at your parents’ place?!" the other man asked in disbelief.

"It's fine don't worry," the actor smiled. "I told them that... I am bringing a friend."

"I-I don't have toothbrush with me!" the journalist complained absurdly, is if that was a real problem, but Sho just laughed and promised casually, to drop by at the next cobini.

- - -

When the two men were driving through Sendai, since apparently, Sakurai's parents were living on the other side of the city, Nino allowed himself to let his mind wander, along with his gaze outside the car window.

He remembered the last night and he had to admit that he would have never expected what exactly Sakurai wanted to show him. After receiving the actor's surprise call – and almost suffering from a heart attack upon it – the young man had a hard time finding some sleep last night. He had been tossing and turning in his bed, his thoughts wandering around, and not letting him find any sleep. He tried to think about what could be waiting for him. Maybe it had something to do with Sakurai's volunteer project? Or... was it somehow connected to what Sakurai was hinting on during their last meeting? That he wasn't as good as everyone believed, that he made mistakes... that he had a dark past? But why would he want Nino to know about something like that?

The journalist's natural curiosity went through a lot of scenarios and ever since Sakurai had picked him up in front of his apartment, he had tried to decipher any possible hints the man might give. However, he didn't dare asking too directly, and more or less kept quiet instead. After all, he didn't want to mess up and make the actor throw him out of the car even before he could get a glimpse of whatever it was that Sakurai wanted to show him. However, Nino couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities, his spinning mind continued to keep him awake last night.

Sakurai's secret, that the man actually confessed to Nino in the end, had exceeded everything the journalist could possibly imagine. It was a shocking and sad story, for the man who committed suicide, for the man's family, but also for Sakurai, who was being ridden by feelings of guilt ever since the incident. However, even if Sakurai's involvement in the unfortunate event had surprised Nino, he couldn't help but be impressed over how the ex-broker had managed to transform into the man he was now. A man who was taking responsibility for his acts as best as he could, and became a wonderful actor, who turned the evil use of his talent into something positive, something useful, something that made others happy.

For Nino, all this made the man even more admirable and desirable in his eyes. But in the wrong hands, this story could be very dangerous. People could use it against Sakurai if they wanted, and completely kill his career, and Sakurai surely knew about this risk, or he wouldn't have developed such a secretive way of protecting everything connected to his past. The fact that now he had decided to talk about it, though, made Nino wonder...

He still wasn't sure why Sakurai had decided to tell the story of his past, and even less, why he chose him out of all people to be his listener. Nino and the actor weren't exactly close, they didn't really have a good start, and more than that, Sakurai shouldn’t risk his whole career by telling a journalist all this. He was lucky that Nino had already given up on seeing him as a target for his work at the "Un[der]cover", or the actor would be in big trouble now...

Eventually, Nino thought back to the scene with Sakurai in the "Matsuoka's", where the actor confronted him, pointing out that he thought Nino was wasting his talents. He, of course, had known that Sakurai was against his work, but he had not thought too much of it but rather had felt offended to be told something like that by a stranger.

However, if Nino put two and two together, with Sakurai's remark as well as the fact that apparently, it was Aiba who at least had been in some kind of contact with the man so that he could get Nino's number from him, things started to clear up a little. Aiba wanted Nino to quit his job, as he thought he wasn't happy with it and could do better. Sakurai didn't approve of Nino's way of working and told him he was wasting his talent. In short, the two men shared the same opinion in this respect. Did these two really form an alliance to make Nino quit his job?

Actually, Nino had to admit this wasn't that much of an impossible option. But did Sakurai really go through such lengths to make Nino – an almost stranger - think about his whole situation? Did he fear that Nino would end up in a similar situation like him, which he would probably regret for his whole life?

Indeed, Nino wasn't sure how he would be able to handle it if one of his "targets" from his articles one day would suddenly commit suicide as the consequence of something that Nino wrote. Just the thought of it was horrifying and the journalist had to admit, that he was walking on dangerous grounds, especially with his witty tongue that showed in his writing very well. Maybe, so far, he had just been lucky...

But besides the possible influence of Sakurai's story on his job, was that the only reason why Sakurai decided on telling Nino everything? Since Nino doubted, that there were many people doing this for someone they almost didn't know. The young man almost didn't dare to hope, but was there possibly also another reason why the actor decided to completely trust Nino? Did he like him back, maybe?

Nino tried to ignore that exciting feeling in his chest, not to raise any false hope, but didn't really succeed. Because if he was completely honest, wasn't it that Nino secretly hoped in a little corner of his heart, that there was more between him and Sakurai?

- - -

Saying that it was a little awkward to be invited to the house of his crush’s parents, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, would be the understatement of the year. However, even if Nino was sincerely surprised, in the end he appreciated that the other man didn't just set him on the next train back to Tokyo, leaving him alone with all his questions and mixed up feelings, but allowed him to accompany him until the end of his "trip".

The young journalist would probably never admit it, but especially after the emotional scene at the cemetery and hearing Sakurai's confession, and the glint of hope that Sakurai might possibly be interested in Nino as well, he felt the urge to spend time with him even more than before.

Nino's own interest in the man, even if it had been quite deep before, had become even deeper. He had a hard time trying not to explode and confess to Sakurai right away, knowing quite well that today, with all the involved emotions, the actor would probably prefer not to be confronted with the love confession of one of his many fans. But Nino would enjoy his time together with Sakurai to the fullest, after all, this was a once in a lifetime chance and as one of the actor's fans, he could definitely count himself to the luckiest people on earth right now. He would make good use of this and gather as many information and impressions of Sakurai today. Of course, just for his personal enjoyment.

If what Sakurai had told him was true, his friendliness might have been something that only started forming a few years ago, and maybe, he really had been an asshole before the whole incident, but he managed to change and now he was living a life of supporting other people, as an actor, as a volunteer, as a financial supporter, and as a human being. For that decision and for all the good things, he was doing now, and for the courage to confess the truth in front of someone he barely knew, Sakurai deserved a lot of respect, Nino thought. He would avoid writing even just a single word about the whole story, the journalist swore to himself. After all, he didn't wish anymore to write something scandalous about the actor at all. Now, with this secret entrusted to him, he didn't only want not to damage Sakurai's career, he even wanted to support him personally and protect him.

In fact, he even found Sakurai's story very inspiring. Hearing the actor's confession, Nino wasn’t able to ignore the feeling, that some parts of Sakurai's story indeed sounded quite familiar to him. The part about using his talents for the wrong things, or being an asshole and not caring about other people's lives... those sounded quite familiar to Nino, and to be honest, over the last few years, he had spotted these tendencies in his own behaviour too – which made Aiba begin to criticise his friend.

Yeah, wasn't he doing the same, basically? He was writing for a tabloid, he was being disrespectful towards the private lives of actors and other celebrities, deceiving them, even using sex as a tool to reach his goals, and all that just for the money he earned. Yes, even if his motivation was not to become rich himself, but rather to pay back his student loan at first, the greed for money and the circumstances of his job had slowly but surely turned him into an asshole. Wasn't it only recently, in fact, for Sakurai's sake, that he had started to think differently about the whole situation? Wasn't it only now that he remembered Sakurai's words, as well as Aiba's, and finally understood that they were clearly meant to make him rethink his life?

In fact, Nino had long lost interest in this kind of job, but he had already changed, definitely not for the best, but changed so that he had even secretly started to despise himself. His best friend and Sakurai were right, he needed to stop, Nino suddenly realised. He needed to change and use his talents for a good cause, before ending up in a similar situation like Sakurai and having to atone for something he would regret for the rest of his life. Maybe, now was the time to take the last step, Nino thought, his brain suddenly feeling clearer than ever before, his heart feeling light in his chest.

Finally leaving the mist of his own thoughts again, Nino turned his head to look at Sakurai, who was still driving them to his parents. When the actor realised that he was being stared at, he glanced at Nino with a questioning look. However, Nino didn't say anything and just offered the other man a shy smile. Sakurai smiled back, a breath-taking smile that made Nino's heart jump, and his new-found motivation boost even more.

Yes, now he knew, what he had to do, and he would do it as soon as he could, he promised to himself.

- - -

Sakurai's parents, a normal middle-aged couple consisting of a high school teacher and a nurse, were really friendly people and welcomed the stranger as warmly to their place, as they did with their son. When they sat together around the table, enjoying some tea and some roll cake that Sakurai had apparently brought from a famous bakery in Tokyo early in the morning, Nino was overwhelmed by the warm family atmosphere, something that he had missed for years.

He tried to remember when was the last time when he and his older sister were sitting together with their parents around a table, sharing some afternoon tea, happily. He couldn't remember. Everything that came to his mind were the memories of him and his father, struggling to get through their daily lives, spending more time fighting with each other over who was responsible for which chores in the household, since they were both busy with working and studying respectively, than spending some quality family time together. Since the split-up of his parents, the family had split up too and Nino could only see his mother and sister once every few months, if ever. He did not even have much contact with his father anymore, who was drunk whenever his son paid him a visit, which made it almost impossible to hold a proper conversation with the man anyway. Over the years their bond had thinned out even more and for a moment, it made Nino so sad that tears welled up his eyes and he almost started crying.

He tried his best to pull himself together and to hide it, focusing on calming down before anyone would notice what was going on, but of course, Sakurai's mother already had realised that something was off.

"Hey, Dear, what's wrong?" the woman asked, touching Nino's arm gently. "Here, take another slice of cake roll, it will make you feel better," she suggested with a friendly smile, and took the last piece of cake roll from the paper carton to put it onto Nino's plate.

When the young man looked up, just to see Sakurai's disappointed face, who was still stuffing his mouth with a last fork of cake, but was obviously hoping to get his hands on the last piece too, the journalist couldn't help but burst into laughter, a few tears spilling from the side of his eyes in the process. He quickly brushed them away with his fingers and then thanked Sakurai's mother before he took his own fork to divide the piece of cake roll in half and giving half of it to Sakurai. The sincerely grateful smile, the other was flashing him in return, was definitely worth the sacrifice and Nino struggled not to completely melt upon seeing it.

Nino didn't expect it, but apparently, Sakurai's parents – rather than offering him a futon in the living room – had prepared Nino's sleeping arrangement in Sakurai's room, probably expecting their son and his guest preferring to have a guy's sleepover or whatever, over being separated for the night.

The blush on Sakurai's face, which was at least as bad as the one on his own cheeks, gave Nino the second great laugh for the day, but when the actor proposed to take the futon into the living room and let Nino sleep in his bed instead, Nino quickly shook his head. He would be completely stupid if he let go the chance of sharing rooms with his crush, after all! He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible though, when he joked that he would be stupid to refuse sleeping in the same room with a popular actor and that he would even insisted on it. Yeah, even if it was a little awkward for both parties, Nino just couldn't let this opportunity slip through his hands. Luckily, in the end, Sakurai agreed and Nino was allowed to sleep on the extra futon in his room.

That night, the two men ended up talking and talking for hours, and it was like they just couldn't stop. They shared experiences, shared secrets, shared views of different topics. They were basically exploring each other’s minds and souls, and sometimes even allowed to let the other catch a glimpse of their heart. It almost felt, like they had been friends since forever...

Nino told Sakurai about his family and his struggles during high school and university, as well as about how he missed that big chance to work for the newspaper he wanted to work for so badly, after graduation, just to find out, that the actor apparently already knew most parts of the story. It seemed like Aiba had already done his work.

On the other hand, Sakurai went into more details about how he met his therapist Ohno – who turned out to be the man who accompanied him to the ramen restaurant that evening on which Aiba got Sakurai's signature for Nino. It was the first time that Nino heard something about "acting therapy", but he had to admit, that it sounded extremely interesting. With a sincere smile, he summed up, that people should be very grateful to Ohno for having found and pushed Sakurai onto the right way. At least, he was, or he wouldn't be able to spend such a pleasurable evening with the other man now.

They only fell asleep far after midnight, Sakurai already cursing that he had set the alarm clock at around 6, but work was waiting for them and it would be better for both to reach Tokyo sooner rather than later the next day.

The drive back to the metropolis was mostly quiet, as the two men were both still very tired. But they chatted a little once in a while, over whatever their tired brain cells came up with. While Sakurai had at least two cups of coffee to stay awake while driving, Nino couldn't help but slip back into dreamland for about half an hour in between, rocked to sleep by the monotonous movements of Sakurai's car dashing along the highway, and a smooth jazz CD playing in the background.

"Do you want to listen to something else?" Sakurai asked with a smirk when Nino opened his eyes again after his short nap.

Embarrassed, Nino shot up in his seat, blushed slightly and quickly brushing the back of his hand against the corner of his lips, just in case there was some drool or anything that he might need to get off.

"It's not like jazz music bores me, I was just freaking tired," he immediately replied, making himself comfortable in his seat again, and the amused laughter that Sakurai released, made his heart beat a little faster.

"Though...," Nino then continued, when an idea hit him, searching for Sakurai's eyes, who – just for a second – looked at him, questioning. He felt his cheeks turning hot, when he voiced his wish, hoping that the other man would not see him blush. "Do you have your song somewhere? You know... your single?"

Sakurai quickly looked at Nino again, obviously surprised, before he immediately darted his eyes back on the streets before him. He obviously had not expected such a request by his companion.

"You mean my song?!" the actor repeated, dumbfounded. Then, he burst into laughing. "Don't tell me, you like that song?"

"I love it," Nino murmured sheepishly, almost inaudible, his voice drowning in the noises from the car and the jazzy tune surrounding them.

"What?" Sakurai asked, and Nino wasn't sure if the man simply wanted to confirm if he heard correctly, if he didn't hear him at all, or if he wanted to tease him.

"I love that song!" Nino repeated louder, highly embarrassed, his heart beating faster.

Sakurai laughed his beautiful laughter once more, and then, he said something that Nino had not expected, at all.

"You know, you're sitting just side by side with the actual performer of that song," Sakurai said, a smirk dancing on his lips. He glanced at the other man again, just for a second. "What do you think about a small live performance?"

Nino froze. Did he just hear correctly?! Maybe, it was just his wishful thinking that made him hear things, but he couldn't help and asked back, nevertheless.

"You will sing for me?" His heart almost performed a somersault in his chest. "Really?!"

"Sure, why not? I mean, I suggested it, didn’t I?" Sakurai smirked confidently shining through and Nino had to admit that the actor looked simply extremely attractive at this very moment. "It's been a while though since I sang that song, so I don't guarantee that I still get 100 % of the lyrics right...," he added then, his confident smirk turning into an incredibly cute, shy smile.

Nino chuckled and smiled back, his heart melting from the other man's sudden cuteness.

"I can probably help out with that," he said, considering that he had been listening to that song on repeat for so long, that he would probably be able to sing it in his sleep.

When Sakurai actually started his small private concert – just for him and him only – Nino thought he must be dreaming. Being able to hear Sakurai's attractive, deep voice singing live was even a thousand times better than listening to it via headphones, and was just amazing and the young journalist had a hard time not to flip out completely from fangirling over the situation. It was as if one of Nino's dreams was coming true and he swore to himself that he would treasure this moment forever and ever.

- - -

Nino didn't know if the trip with Sakurai was only something magical for him, and still, he had no idea, how he deserved experiencing all this, Sakurai’s trust to begin with, but he promised himself that he would treasure those memories and treat them with care for the rest of his life. It had been a trip full of surprises, excitement, embarrassment, filled with old, painful memories for both of them, but also brought them some interesting and touching conversations. Nino was surely not exaggerating, when he said that it had been an emotional roller coaster ride, probably also for Sakurai, but himself for sure.

When they finally arrived Tokyo and Sakurai headed towards Nino's apartment complex to drop him off back home, Nino couldn't help but wish, their time together wouldn't be over already. He wasn't sure what to expect from the future but he knew that he wanted to see Sakurai again.

He really had enjoyed spending time with Sakurai, it was special, and his greedy heart definitely wanted more of it, but of course, he didn't want to push himself onto the other man. Still, Nino hoped that whatever it was that made him and Sakurai share these past hours, wouldn't just come to an end just like that and would make them cross their ways again in the future.

He remembered the physical tension that he and Sakurai shared during their first and second encounter. The playful flirt at the premiere's after party, even if Nino wasn’t really serious about the actor at that time, their heated conversation in Sakurai's car, and of course, their encounter in the "Matsuoka's", which literally still brought Nino exciting dreams once in a while. Maybe it was just his wishful thinking or the magical atmosphere of their trip, but Nino could swear that during the last few hours, whenever his and Sakurai's eyes met, he could feel a similar tension between them again. He seriously wondered if it was the same for the actor...

Nino's heartbeat was running on high speed when the car's engine was turned off and Sakurai looked at him, thanking him for coming along, and Nino just could dumbly blush and wave his hands, stammering something about him being grateful. He lowered his head in a bow, bumping it against the dashboard in front of him, and his face must have turned into an even deeper shade of red from the embarrassment.

"It would be nice if you neither would hurt yourself, nor my car," Sakurai chuckled cutely.

"I'm sorry," Nino murmured as he unbuckled his seatbelt and they fell silent again. The journalist knew that he should better say something now, or it might be too late, and so, he looked at Sakurai again and although his nervous heartbeat was about to kill him, he finally parted his lips. "Will we... Will I be able to meet you again?"

Sakurai smiled (and was Nino imagining things or were the actor's cheeks actually turning a little red as well?) when he lifted one hand to scratch his neck. He frowned a little and interpreting this embarrassed gesture, Nino already feared the worst coming. His heart fell into his stomach, when Sakurai finally replied.

"To be honest, I am going to be busy for the upcoming period...," the actor explained and Nino bit his lips, already counting this as a full loss, but then, Sakurai added something more. "However, if you are OK with it, I will contact you when I'm free."

Nino stared at the other man, surprised, and his heart jumped back up into the right place, driven by the hope that Sakurai would actually mean what he just said, and that he didn't just use a polite way to dump Nino.

"I-I'd really like that," the young journalist replied, mentally face palming at how stupid his answer must sound.

"Sure. Until then, take care," Sakurai said with another friendly smile on his lips.

Nino nodded, not able to hide his own smile. "You too," he said, before he finally exited the car, and Sakurai drove away again.

Like this, they parted ways, not clearly defining whether they would eventually go back to being strangers or if they would become friends from now, but Nino wanted to believe that the tendency was leaning towards the latter. There was at least hope that he and Sakurai would meet again in the future, after all, even if, according to Nino's understanding, the actor had made clear that he wanted to be the one initiating it.

Nino could understand that, and he took it as a hint on keeping things low and patiently wait for whatever would happen. He could do that. First, before he could step under Sakurai's eyes again, he had to fix some things, anyway. And afterwards, when both of them were ready, maybe they would have the privilege of having a new start together.

- - -

The cardboard box on Nino's desk, filled with a few personal belongings, magazines and books, was ready to be picked up. His laptop was already stored in his backpack, which was leaning against one of the legs of his desk. Nino himself was sitting in his chair, leaned back, and sipping his tea from a paper cup, while his colleagues were sending him curious and uncomprehensive glances, even if they did not dare to speak up.

The young man was silently humming that song, which was still stuck in his head, letting the taste of white tea with a hint of mango flavour spread in his mouth, his look darted outside of the window of the tall office building, watching the clouds travelling slowly over the blue morning sky.

He took in the clicking noise of keyboard tapping, soft mumbling of his colleagues and the occasional phone ringing, which usually were simply background noises, easy to be ignored, knowing that he would never hear them again – at least not in this place. It did not even make him feel nostalgic, considering that for some reason he had never managed to feel like he belonged here, like he was in the right place to begin with. No, he most likely would not really miss this place or even its people. That much, he understood by now.

Nino had prepared for this moment since he last parted ways with Sakurai a few days ago, determined about what to do, and now only waiting for things to happen. And things did happen, soon enough, when his boss banged open the door, as usual startling his employees – except Nino -, and marched up to him, as he had done so often during the last few weeks.

"Ninomiya, my office!" the man grumbled in his deep voice.

First, Nino didn't react, just taking another sip from his hot drink. His colleagues now didn't only send him furtive glances, but openly stared at him, even ignoring the phone, which started ringing that very moment.

"Anyone just answer the fucking phone already," Nagase barked into the room after four painful rings filled the silent room, before focusing back on Nino. "And YOU, I won't say it again – IN MY OFFICE!"

Nino sighed, slowly placing the now empty paper cup on top of his desk, then he took a deep breath to set himself into the right mind-set, and finally stood up to follow his boss into the said room.

"Oh gosh," he heard one of his female colleagues whispering to her sitting neighbour. "Do you think he'll survive that?!"

"Shh! They still can hear you," another whisper replied.

Closing the office door behind him in his calmest mood, Nino turned to face his boss, who was now standing behind his desk, towering in front of his employee with crossed arms and the look of an angry beast on his face. Yes, he looked very angry, indeed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" the man started raging. "Why do I STILL not have any draft about your revelation about Sakurai Sho? Do you know how long I have been waiting already? Your deadline is due! The movie starts tonight, and we have nothing about him in our hands!"

"There is no draft," Nino simply stated.

Nagase stared at the young journalist, stunned. "What did you just say?" he then said in a lower and calmer, but not less dangerous sounding voice.

Again, Nino took a deep breath. He would lie if he said he wasn't a little nervous, and being yelled at was never fun, but he knew that things would be over soon and decided to stay calm.

"There is no draft and there will be no article about Sakurai Sho," he repeated.

"Are you serious?!" Nagase hissed after staring at Nino for another few seconds.

"Dead serious," Nino nodded.

"What did you even do for those past weeks then?!" the journalist's boss then continued his rant.

"I investigated Sakurai Sho and… found nothing worth telling," the journalist explained his reasons, even if he was of course lying straight into his boss's face. But he had made a promise to Sakurai, and further, he had promised to himself to keep it, no matter what would happen now or in the future. And Nino could be stubborn, people who knew him could confirm.

"So you basically wasted the last few weeks for… nothing?"

"Besides all those other articles I provided, I fear, yes."

"You… YOU…," Nagase groaned but seemed to be at a loss of words, still incapable of how to proceed his employee's words.

Nino could only imagine what might be going on in his boss' head now. Nino had disappointed him, for sure, after all, he had been one of his most loyal and skilled hellhounds, as Nagase used to call his journalists. He must be so incredibly angry at Nino for not doing his work properly and letting this chance of making the "Un[der]cover" big on the market by releasing a scandalous article about Sakurai Sho slip by, that he probably wanted to kill and not even bother burying him in a backyard by now.

Knowing, that there would most likely be no moment, which would be more fitting – or less fitting – to do this, but having to do the inevitable nonetheless, Nino swallowed. He prepared himself for one last blow, when he reached his hand into his trousers' pockets and pulled out an envelope, placing it on top of his boss' table.

"I am going to finish packing my stuff and bid everyone farewell, then," the journalist said, bowing slightly before he turned to leave the office. "I've been in your care for years, thanks for… the experience."

Nagase could just stare at the resignation letter in disbelief before he angrily snatched it, crumbling the paper in his hand, his lips crinkling in an unsettling way.

"You're quitting!?" he rambled. "You are quitting!? No, no, that's not how it works, Ninomiya, I am going to fire you!"

Nino just nodded once more towards his ex-boss, ignoring the rant, and then reached for the door handle, pushing it open to enter the group office to pick up his stuff from his desk. The door fell shut behind him with a silent clicking noise, but Nagase's following furious "NINOMIYA!" was clearly heard, as if he wanted the walls to shake from the volume of his voice.

The young man just calmly walked to his desk, picked up his backpack and his cardboard box, turned to his colleagues to thank them and say good-bye and then, he walked out of the office, leaving his old job, and his old life.

- - -

Two months later, after receiving the text message that Nino had been awaiting for what felt like ages for him, the young man was posing in his bedroom in front of his mirror, trying to find the perfect outfit for the evening. He was nervous, even more than expected. Honestly, he was a complete mess.

The bigger mess thought, was his bedroom right now, tons of clothes spread over his bed and the floor, and right now, Nino was wearing only black briefs and a black V-neck shirt. He couldn't even decide on some fucking socks yet, damned! Frustrated, he threw two other pairs of trousers – a worn pair of light blue jeans and some criminally red pants he once bought in a second-hand shop because for some reason that day he was convinced that they would look good on him – onto his bed, hitting someone with one of the trousers' leg.

"Calm down, Nino, you will look fabulous!" Aiba's voice cut through Nino's clouded brain, as his friend jumped up from the bed and went to the closet, pulling out a familiar pair of black leather pants. He pressed them into Nino's arms and nodded to his friend's mirror image. "I think this fit very well with that tight black V-neck shirt. It flatters your slim figure."

"I wore the exact same outfit already, when I went there the last time!" Nino lamented, as if his best friend had just suggested the impossible but started trying them on, nonetheless. "What if he remembers?!"

"Oh, he will definitely remember!" Aiba said, arching an approving eyebrow at the sight in front of him. "He has to!"

"He will think that I'm too poor to buy a second set of clubbing clothes," Nino groaned, rolling his eyes in frustration and pursing his lips at Aiba like a little unsatisfied child.

His friend chuckled, putting his hands onto Nino's shoulders, positioning him with his back to the full-size mirror and nodding appreciating. "Believe me, more than that, he will be thankful to the designer of those pants. Your butt looks fabulous, look!"

"Don't you think it's a bit gross when your best friend tells you have a fabulous looking butt?" Nino murmured, but when he turned his head and looked at his backside in the mirror, he had to confess, he had forgotten how well those tight pants actually complimented his butt.

"I told you much worse stuff already, Nino!" Aiba whispered into the young man's ear, as he stepped closer to his friend and teasingly grabbed him on his hips, just to feel Nino smoothly sliding out of his embrace shortly after, who just flashed him with a devilish grin.

"That was when we were still having sex with each other, now it’s different," Nino cooed before he turned to look back into the mirror, starting to wonder about what he should do with his hair.

"Don't remind me of our good old times, Nino, I might miss them," Aiba sighed, sarcastically. "Now finish up and go meet your prince, Cinderella!"

"I don't remember having glass shoes and a pumpkin carriage," Nin snorted.

"But you have the best leather pants in town, so use them!" Aiba wriggled his eyebrows.

"Do I have to be back by midnight, Fairy Godmother?"

"Hell, no!" Aiba exclaimed, shocked. "I rather forbid you to come home at all, tonight!"

"Tousled or straight?" he asked with another look into the mirror, referring to his hair and deciding to ignore his friend's innuendos, although he had to admit that his heart started beating a bit faster just thinking of the possibility of...

"Let me do this," his friend replied and grabbed a bottle of hair gel, opening it and getting ready to prepare the black mess on Nino's head.

"What are you up to, this evening, by the way?" the other asked, while he was standing there, a little lost, letting Aiba fix his hair. After all, his friend would not accompany him later.

Aiba tilted his head, slightly pursing his lips. "Oh, I think I might crash at Tacchon's and... play some board games with him or something like that...," the man voiced his thoughts and Nino grinned, knowingly, when Aiba mentioned the name of that new guy from his working place he had told him about.

"You two are spending quite some time together recently, aren't you?" he asked, cheekily.

"Well," Aiba playfully rolled his eyes, while he brushed his gelled fingers once more through Nino's hair. "Since my best friend has become so busy with writing... You look perfect now, by the way."

"Don't compare your best friend with your crush, Masaki!"

"He's still only a crush, nothing serious!" the other man tried to wave off, but Nino – especially his eyes - couldn't be fooled.

"Tell that to your pants, holy crap!" he exclaimed. "Only thinking of him seems to be enough for you already!"

"What?! He's hot!" Aiba shouted in defence. He pouted, but slightly embarrassed sat back on the bed and grabbed a pillow to hide the bulge in his crotch.

Nino couldn't help but snort at his friend’s behaviour and wish him the best of luck. He deserved it!

- - -

About an hour later, Nino arrived in front of the "Matsuoka's", feeling like his heart had sunken to his stomach and his stomach was hanging between his knees or something grotesque like that. To keep it simple, Nino was nervous like hell, for several reasons.

The first hurdle would be to actually get into the bar, since just a few months ago, he was banned from it and Nino couldn't imagine that anyone – and surely not this super tall and broad-shouldered, extremely dangerous looking hulk of a door man – would forget about his ban.

With his voice almost sounding like the squeal of a panicked mouse, Nino offered his name to the door man – his real one this time – and added that he was here as the guest of someone. The hulk – dressed in a tight black suit that seemed ready to burst around his shoulders as soon as he just made one wrong movement – eyes the young man critically before he browsed the guest list and finally seemed to find Nino's name written on it.

"Seems like your ban was lifted for tonight," the black hulk hummed – or grumbled, which probably described the sound he was making a bit better. "Watch what you're doing inside there or I myself will ensure that you fly out like a paper plane."

Nino swallowed and nodded, promising that he would behave. When he passed the door man and was just about to enter the bar, the man turned around to him and kept him back with a rather curious, "Hey, where did you buy those pants? They are hot!"

Surprised, Nino stopped, instantly gaining back some confidence and with a wide grin on his face he promised, "Thanks, I'll tell you next time!"

- - -

Inside, Nino quickly found the way to the bar, nodding at Matsuoka, who was currently polishing some cocktail glasses, before he asked the young man for his order. While looking at Nino with suspicion in his eyes, Matsuoka prepared the wish drink and then placed it in front of Nino with a small grumble. The man nodded slightly while lifting the glass to his lips and took a first sip, the alcohol immediately burning down his throat.

"Huah, that one is a strong one," Nino exclaimed, but when he saw the bar keeper throwing a disapproving look at him, the quickly added. "It's delicious, of course! Very delicious!" and took another – not less burning – sip before he put the glass down on the counter.

Nino looked around, taking in the scene around him. Nothing had really changed since the last few months he had been absent. There were still the same people coming to the bar, the same idols sneaking into the disco dance room next door, after getting some drinks from Matsuoka. Even Jun was here, sitting at a table, surrounded by friends, like usual. The only difference though was that this time, he had a staple of books with him, showing his own face on the cover, and was apparently distributing a couple of signed copies to his friends. Nino turned back to his drink. However, he couldn't help but smile proudly at himself.

"What's so funny?" Matsuoka asked him, grumpily, pulling Nino out of his thoughts.

"Ah, nothing!" the man replied.

"You're behaving suspiciously...," the bar keeper remarked, but then resumed to his duties.

"You know, I stopped," his guest then said. "That dirty business, I mean. I realised that what I was doing is wrong. And now I realised that there are people who supported me in other things, people who believed in me and pushed me back into the right direction," he continued. "I am really sorry for the problems I caused you and I'm grateful to you for agreeing to letting me in again."

"Don't get level-headed," the barkeeper growled. "It's for tonight, only. And I may say, you're quite chatty tonight, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry, it's just… I'm waiting for someone," Nino explained, although he was pretty sure that the owner of the bar knew the guest list and thus, also whom Nino was supposed to meet here tonight. He figured though that a bit chatting with the bar keeper couldn't hurt. "Listen, I feel bad for how I behaved the last time… and it's really nice that you lifted my ban."

"I didn't do that for you, I did it for the one who invited you here," Matsuoka stated coldly. "And for Matsumoto. He's a rascal but he's one of my best customers and a good friend, not only to me. He put in a good word for you."

"Thank you, really," Nino smiled again.

After a second of hesitation, Matsuoka reached for Nino's glass, taking back the cocktail and murmuring something about making a new one for him. Nino chuckled, but didn't even think about protesting.

Not long after he received his new drink – of which he downed about half of it in one go already, just because of his nerves – Nino's wait finally found its end. First, he felt a soft touch on his elbow, and then, when he turned to his right, his eyes locking with those of the one he had been waiting for, his heart performed a somersault in his chest and he almost forgot to breathe.

The man, who was now flashing him the most beautiful smile Nino had ever seen from him, looking even more gorgeous than in Nino's memory, nodded before he greeted him in his deep, friendly voice. "Good evening, Ninomiya-san."

Nino couldn't prevent a pleasant shiver from running all over his body, and he swallowed hard before he finally managed to part his lips and greet his date.

"Sakurai-san...," he stumbled stupidly, unable to say more.

"I see you received my message," Sakurai smirked, finally taking place on the bar stool right next to Nino, and waving at Matsuoka to order a drink as well.

"It caught me in surprise, I have to admit," Nino murmured, taking another big sip of his drink. He probably needed it, he decided, despite his dangerously fast pounding heart.

In fact, he had not met Sakurai ever since the day they parted ways in front of Nino's apartment, after the trip to Sendai, Sakurai's confession and Nino's promise about not spreading his secret. Even if Nino could have called or texted Sakurai – and he had wanted to, several times - he had not done it. Sakurai had told him, that he would contact him, once he was not too busy anymore and seeing on the media, how hard Sakurai was working recently with that new drama series where he was casted as the main lead, it amazed Nino, that the man even had time to text him now. Nino respected Sakurai's boundaries, thus, he had been waiting for him to contact him, and his surprise and excitement over the message he received just two days ago, had then caused him even a sleepless night.

"You look good today," Sakurai complimented Nino, to his surprise. "I recognize those pants, I think," he smirked.

Nino blushed, another sip of his drink gently wetting his throat just a second later.

"Your new job suits you," the actor sitting right next to him continued. "I read your book."

"You read it already?" Nino asked, sincerely surprised. "It just came out yesterday!"

"I pulled an all-nighter because of it and missed my script reading this morning," Sakurai chuckled, before he turned serious again upon Nino's appalled stare. "Just kidding," he waived off. "I read it yesterday and today during my breaks at work and during breakfast instead of the newspaper. It was a very good read! And to be honest, I'm more amazed that you could even publish something like this in what... less than two months? That's really something!"

Nino's heartbeat had by now reached a really dangerous speed, he thought, but he just couldn't help but be happy with the actor's praise.

"I have to admit, I'm a fast writer," the young man tried to act cool and downplay the situation a bit. "And I know the... subject of the book quite well, so to say," he added, nodding his head backwards.

"Do I want to know the details?" Sakurai asked, raising an eyebrow at Nino, who immediately stiffened.

"Probably not."

The actor chuckled, amused. "Anyway, it's a really good book! It's informative, smart, and a lot of fun but not disrespectful. It's charming. It's brilliant!"

"Could you please stop praising me? It feels weird!" Nino begged, trying to hide his red flushed face behind his arm. This was becoming too much...

"But I mean it!" Sakurai cheered, a sincere smile on his lips. "To be honest, I can't wait to read your next one!"

"Uhm... so far it's just a first, and I don't have any real plans…," Nino confessed.

"But wait until other offers come in," the actor smirked at him. "If Matsumoto continues distributing those books at such speed, soon, every celebrity will have read it, and everyone will want you to write a book about them," he joked.

He darted his look back to Matsumoto's table, where said man was still holding up one of the books with his face on the cover, advertising it. If people looked closely, they would find out that the book was actually a biography about the young actor, written by no one else than Ninomiya Kazunari.

"I can see it all over the media," Sakurai continued, making a movement with his hand as if he was tracing out a headline. "The feared hellhound of gossip turning into the celebrities' most wanted biographer, he said, theatrically, before he offered Nino another smile. "I might say, you've come quite a long way and in just such a short amount of time, I'm impressed. Maybe, soon you'll be a best-selling author."

"I'm still writing for a magazine for my main income," Nino explained, taking the last sip of his drink.

"I know, for the "Kinema Junpo", right?" Sakurai asked, causing Nino to look surprised. "I'm reading your reviews. I might say they are much more interesting than your former gossip and I feel quite honoured that you chose my work to review, among others."

By now, Nino wanted the earth to open up and swallow him. The embarrassment was killing him. "I had some things in my drawer...," he murmured, trying to say as casual as possible.

"What was that?" Sakurai chuckled, teasingly.

"I mean, during the time I did research on you... I was kind of addicted to your stuff," Nino then stated, deciding that he didn't really have a reason to hide it. The actor was happy about the reviews, and he read them anyway, as it seemed, so probably, Nino could just admit aloud how much he love the actor's works. "I couldn't help but write my thoughts down, and it just happened, it -"

"It was like a reflex?" Sakurai grinned.

"Something like that, yes," Nino admitted, before another thought hit him, and he blushed again. "Now I even feel a bit guilty that in the end, in some way, I'm... making money off you so to say."

"That's the nature of the show business," the actor declared. "Don't feel guilty for it. That kind of work is very much appreciated."

"Thank you," Nino replied, a bit relieved, however, his heart was still pounding like crazy.

"You want another drink? It's on me," the other man offered then, pointing at Nino's empty glass.

"How can I say no if the great actor Sakurai Sho offers me a drink?" the writer smiled, happily and Sakurai immediately turned at the barkeeper again.

"Matsuoka-san? Two of his favourites, please."

They quickly received their drinks and clinked glasses and Nino – again – took a big sip from his drink. He sighed, satisfied, feeling the liquid running through his veins and tried to imagine that it would be giving him more power, or at least a little more courage to keep the conversation going.

"Congrats on your new drama series, by the way," Nino said, happy to find another topic to talk about with the man next to him. "The first episode was awesome! I can't wait to write a full review once the series finished airing," he said, honestly.

Sakurai chuckled, scratching his neck in a slightly embarrassed gesture. "That's all thanks to the director and the producers –"

"And the brilliant cast. Still as modest as always, aren't we?" Nino smirked, challenging. Apparently, the second drink was doing its work, he noted, grateful.

"I can't help it. I'm nothing without the right crew."

"I appreciate your modesty," Nino said, before they fell silent.

It was that kind of awkward silence again, which the two of them had experienced together already, at least, Nino thought so, wondering, if it was the same for the other man. It was like both of them wanted to keep on speaking, but didn't really know how. Not, that Nino didn't have any ideas what else he could talk about to Sakurai, however, apparently, his drink wasn't able to provide him with enough courage. Surprisingly, it was Sakurai, who decided to speak up first.

"Do you mind some gossip?" he suddenly asked towards Nino, a cheeky smirk on his lips.

The young man arched an eyebrow, surprised. "Gossip? From your mouth?!"

"It could be scandalous," the actor continued, his smirk turning even cheekier. It suited him, Nino noticed, and he decided to hop on the train, wherever Sakurai was planning to bring them to.

"Oh, really?"

Sakurai hummed agreeing and took another sip of his drink. "You might be involved in it."

"Hm… I'm very curious, then," Nino responded.

"I might be involved in it too," Sakurai kept on and slowly but surely, Nino suspected the actor trying to flirt with him (or the alcohol was just expressing him his wishful thinking...).

"Is that so?" the young man asked, trying to sound a bit flirty too.

Then, Sakurai's voice took a more serious tone though, slightly confusing Nino, but when he said, "The really scandalous things are well hidden though, as it seems, or I wouldn't be able to meet you here like that," Nino knew what he was up to. The actor smiled at him, genuinely, and continued. "You really didn't sell my story."

"Of course not," Nino replied immediately, just as serious as Sakurai. "I made a promise, after all."

"I knew I could trust you," Sakurai said again, smiling, seemingly pleased and Nino was ready to melt over that man's smile.

"So… the gossip?" he finally managed to say after a few seconds of silence, and immediately, Sakurai seemed back in what Nino considered to be a flirty mood.

Sakurai leaned a bit closer – too close?! - and whispered into Nino's ear, "I wanted to see you," causing him to shiver again, pleasantly.

After swallowing down the lump forming in his throat, Nino tried to respond no less flirty, "I figured, when I received your message."

"No, what I mean is I really want to see you," Sakurai continued whispering; as if he was enjoying the effect his action was having on the younger man.

"Now that sounds as if you actually missed me...," Nino finally replied, also in a whisper, becoming a bit daring, as he started feeling drunk, even if rather from the excitement than the alcohol in his blood.

"I did," Sakurai stated bluntly, locking eyes with Nino, who immediately felt ready to drown in those beautiful brown eyes of the actor. "To be honest, it's been a long while since I got so close to someone and I think it means something…"

Nino figured, that it was his turn now to say something instead of just get being swallowed by Sakurai's eyes. Even if he still couldn't believe that the other man was actually flirting with him and basically just said that he missed him, which made him feel like his heart could explode any second, he tried to sound tough. He wanted to be in no way inferior to the actor.

"Do you even know what you are getting yourself into, if you continue like this?" Nino asked, trying to sound mysterious. "You know, I could cause even more trouble to you…"

"You… made my life more interesting for a while, I'd say," Sakurai chuckled and Nino chuckled in return, feeling the embarrassed blush on his face returning, which he then tried hiding behind one hand. "What about you, did you miss me too?" Sakurai then unexpectedly asked, leaning closer again.

"You want me to be honest?" Nino asked, and they locked eyes again.

"I beg you."

Then, Nino lost it all, not caring anymore about any guard or about any act of trying to be flirty or whatsoever, as he just wanted to tell Sakurai the truth.

"Gosh, you have no idea how much I missed you…," he sighed heavily. "I played with the thought of stalking you again, just to see you."

"But you didn't?"

Nino shook his head. "I respect you. I don't want to bother you. Not anymore. I'm done with that shit," he said, determined.

"I think you should make an exception," Sakurai then said, that adorable and sexy smirk dancing at the corner of his lips again. "I think, I want you to bother me."

"You sure?" Nino gaped at him, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. Could he really hope?!

"Very," Sakurai nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you earlier. I... well, it wouldn't even be a lie if I said that I've been busy, but I also needed some time to think."

"Think about what?" Nino said, his voice almost breaking, as a slight feeling of doubt suddenly started nibbling on him.

"About you and me," Sakurai stated in a calm voice.

The nibbling continued eating Nino's nerves, but somehow, he manages to say, "Did your thinking come to a conclusion?"

Another nod by the actor. "It did."

Nino swallowed again. "What did you conclude?" the man wasn't even sure, if he really wanted to know, but he asked nonetheless.

"That I want you and me to become an us," Sakurai said, completely unexpected, making Nino widen his eyes in disbelief. Turning a bit insecure, the actor chuckled slightly nervous. "That sounded pretty cheesy, I'm sorry... I'm definitely not as literary gifted as you are..."

"Actually, that was pretty cute...," Nino murmured, sincerely, his heavy heartbeat threatening to kill him.

Sakurai cleared his throat, before he continued. "I completely understand if you are not interested in me like that, I mean, I do have a dirty past, I can be a jerk, I would probably beg you to come visit my parents with me once a month -"

"And I'd love to accompany you," Nino cut the other man's rambling, making Sho breathless for a second.

"What?"

Nino blushed. "Your parents are really nice people and I... like spending some family time once in a while...," he said, sheepishly, but he meant every single word of it, and the hidden message behind them, too.

"Are you serious?" Sakurai asked to confirm.

"Really, I'd love to," Nino nodded slowly.

"So it's not awkward if I say that I want us to be together?" Sakurai grinned, the cutest grin Nino could imagine.

The actor's eyes were filled with sparkles, hope, happiness, affection, desire and curiosity gathering in them among other emotions, and if Nino hadn't already fallen so deeply in love with that man by now, he would definitely do so in that very moment.

"It's not," he said, his lips curling up into a soft smile. "We all have our flaws, but like you said, people deserve second chances. Sometimes even more," he turned more serious. "And if I am really good enough for you, I'd be happy to become your partner."

Sakurai didn't even need to reply, because his next gesture was speaking volumes. He leaned closer to Nino once more, the two of them ready to drown into each other's eyes, Nino's heart was beating so fast, that he feared he was going to faint if he didn't feel one of Sakurai's arms circling around his waist to support him a second later. Then, even before Nino's brain was able to understand what was going on, he could feel the soft brush of Sakurai's lips against his own, inviting him for a long and incredibly soft kiss. Nino moved his one hand up, blindly searching for Sakurai's shoulder, and the other to search his hand and when they met, they intertwined their fingers, pressing each other's hands affectionately.

After what felt like an eternity, and nevertheless much too short, the two men parted lips, just to look at each other again. They both smiled, leaning their foreheads against each other, happily, before Sakurai's free hand went up to Nino's face, cupping it, and before an annoyed Matsuoka could throw them out, he gently pulled Nino closer for another kiss, this time a more passionate one that would surely make the two of them breathless.

And that was just a new beginning.

THE END


Notes:

A "getsu9"-darama (speak "getsukyuu") is a Japanese TV-Series broadcasted in a certain time slot, namely Monday (in Japanese "Getsuyoubi") 9 pm, which corresponds with Japanese prime time.

The title for the possible TV-show "Sakurai Sho ni meshiyagare", Koyama is referring to in the talk show, is of course made up. It's a pun, combining Arashi's show title "Arashi ni shiyagare" as well as the Japanese word "meshiagaru" which is a respectful way to say "to eat" (compared to the more casual/common "taberu").

The "Blue High" is just a fictional movie title, you don't need to search for that, Sho never starred in it for real. (You could see it as a reference to Nino's movie "The Blue Light" though, even if they have nothing in common.)

Oricon is a Japanese charts system.

The couple of Ikuta Toma and Ueno Juri is a hidden reference to their joined appearance in "Ourouboros".

I did not mention his name but my image of Jun's former duo partner is Morita Takahiro, who started as a Johnny and member of NEWS, and, as some of you might know, later became part of J-Rock band ONE OK ROCK.

Jun's joke about Nino pretending to be a Korean popstar is a reference to Dino, member of K-pop group "SEVENTEEN", who a friend of mine compared to Nino because he's small, very cute and a good dancer (and YES the similarity of his name, AND Nino looking like forever-17, of course!).

The EXILE reference Juri makes in connection with Nino being introduced only by his nickname is based on the fact that EXILE members use to have a stage name which consists only of their given name written in caps.

The "Matsuoka's" is a fictional bar and if you guessed Matsuoka Masahiro of TOKIO being the owner, you guessed right. Nino's boss, Nagase Tomoya is of course also the one from TOKIO and show host Koyama Keiichiro IS the one from NEWS. The title of his show "Talk is the Key" is also a reference to his nickname "Keii(-chan)".

What is real though, is the reference onto the movie directed by Miike Takashi and based on a novel by Higashino Keigo. Right, I'm talking about "Lapurasu no Majou" and I'm already looking forward to seeing that movie!

Of course, Jun's "lucky man" is a shameless reference to Arashi's song with the same title.

I use the term "acting therapy" in the style of "drama therapy", which is a real thing. I learned a bit about it from a friend recently and even if I doubt that it is common practice in Japan, I found the idea interesting and very fitting to the story, so I decided to use it.

My image of the Sho-song Nino is addicted to, is something in the range of "Sugar and salt" or "Kono mama motto". Yes, you may imagine Nino alone at home, fangirling and melting to those songs now. You're welcome. XD

The "Kujira Shokudou" is a real Japanese restaurant (but of course, I "re-designed" it a bit, it seems to be a small shop and does not have any extra rooms like the one I described Ohno is using). I found out about them when googling for an appropriate foodie that Sho would take and seriously, their ramen looks simply delicious!

While the "Un[der]cover" is my own invention, the "+act" is a real Japanese magazine with tons of wonderful photo features and interviews of various Japanese actors/actresses. I LOVE that magazine (not only the ones featuring Arashi) and if I had the chance, I'd buy it regularly.

Also a real magazine is the "Kinema Junpo", which originates from Japans oldest movie magazine "Kinema Records" which first issued in the 1910s.

Aiba's crush "Tacchon" in the end is Kanjani8's Ohkura Tadayoshi.