fic for jade_lil (2/5)

[nino-mod.livejournal.com]

For: jade_lil
From: phrenk

Part 1

*

Nino didn't spend very much time in his cubicle, because for actual work he preferred to steal Aiba's desk and Jun had an uncanny sense of when Nino was trying to game during agency hours.

He sat in his chair and, after an uncomfortable minute during which Ohno looked at his stony face and visibly tried not to laugh, Ohno sat in a chair stolen from the unoccupied cubicle next door.

The only change for the next solid minute was that their awkward staring was now at the same eye-level.

Finally Ohno picked up an unsharpened pencil and fiddled with it. Nino saw him think of something a good ten seconds before he actually said anything--saw those artistic hands still their fidgeting, saw his mouth soften, saw his eyes focus on something unseen.

At length, the thought developed to the point that Ohno gave it words and asked, "Do we have a cop car?"

Nino tilted his head patiently. "We're not cops."

Ohno tilted his head the same direction so he could meet Nino's expression properly. His hands started fiddling with the pencil again.

At last he said, "I guess I don't have a license anyway."

Nino drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Plus there's all the bombs."

Ohno nodded solemnly. Nino regretted making light of the bombing for a moment, but if there was anyone who understood his experience six months ago, it was Ohno.

It seemed like the preliminary awkwardness should be clearing up, or that he should be clearing it up soon so that he could get on with his mentoring, but it was so hard to focus on anything work-related when he was still lingering over the taste of Sho's kisses while, simultaneously, wondering what Ohno would do if Nino scooted his rolling chair across the scant space between them and dragged Ohno into his lap.

"Too bad about the siren, though."

Nino pulled his gaze up from Ohno's well-muscled thighs. "The what?"

"The siren," Ohno said, eyes unfocused like he was imagining something. "On the cop car."

Nino stared at him. After a beat, Ohno met his eyes, face blank. Despite their strange connection, Nino genuinely couldn't tell if Ohno was fucking with him.

Ohno shrugged. "Seems fun, the siren part. Like, 'get out of my way, everybody!' sort of thing."

"Let's take a tour," Nino said abruptly, but as he stood his phone chimed. Ohno didn't bother getting up yet, just waited patiently as Nino checked his new message.

It was from Sho. It said only, I can share.

Nino squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could, trying to breathe. Then Ohno was in his space, even though Nino hadn't heard him move, and there was a warm touch on Nino's arm.

Nino jerked away. "I said let's take a tour, not that it's all right to… to…" He still had his eyes closed because he wasn't sure he should see Ohno's face from that close.

"What's there to see, if there aren't any cop cars?" Ohno asked a moment later, audibly a safe distance away.

"We have other cars," Nino said in as steady a voice as he could manage. He opened his eyes and succeeded in not immediately leaping on Ohno like a hungry animal. "Some of them I haven't even wrecked yet."

Ohno, whispering despite the current absence of people in their vicinity, said, "Do you think Machimoto-san knows I don't have a driving license?"

Nino said with emphasis, "Matsumoto-san? Our boss? It's always safest to assume he knows everything, Ohno-san."

Ohno nodded slowly like this was the wisest advice he'd ever heard in his life. Looking at that easygoing face, Nino remembered suddenly that Ohno was only there right now because he'd survived the agency's basic training, which was not so much basic as it was basically six months of hell. He was almost definitely in this best shape of his life, and he should've been changed by the experience--should've been sharper, or harsher, or slower to trust.

Even while Nino had this thought, Ohno stared at him with the placid expression of a person who was willing to stand there zoning out for the rest of the day, if Nino wanted.

"Let's go," Nino said curtly. "We've got a lot of ground to cover. I assume today is your first time in this building?"

Ohno nodded, eyes widening a bit like he was realizing he was going to be there every work-day for the foreseeable future, at least when he wasn't on a mission.

"Then pay attention. I'm not saying you should take notes, Ohno-san, but when I'm talking it's always a good idea, I've found. With me as your mentor, you might even want to invest in a tape-recorder so you can listen to my voice again when you get home at night--"

Nino cut off as his bluster started to veer into dangerous territory.

"Let's go," he said again, and they started off.

*

They made it through two floors before Ohno's intermittent attention changed to overt boredom. Nino continued his droning, glad of the respite from Ohno's eyes on him, but then they got to the gym and the look in those doe eyes changed from glazed torpor to something keen and thoughtful.

When Ohno turned those sharp eyes on Nino, it was all Nino could do not to shiver.

Ohno gestured to the gym--not to the weights or the ellipticals or the sauna, but to the wrestling mats spread in the middle of the wide room where there were agents practicing even now.

"Wanna spar?" When he didn't immediately receive a response, Ohno took a step closer. "Since you're my mentor. I could take notes on your technique."

For the second time that day, Nino grasped Ohno by the wrist and pulled him along after him with purpose. Ohno didn't seem to mind that he wasn't gentle about it, if the little chuffs of laughter he heard behind him were any indication.

Nino opened a door to an empty conference room and shoved Ohno inside, making the motion sensor turn on about half the room's lights. When he not only shut the door behind them but locked it, Ohno's eyes snapped to his and darkened perceptibly. He seemed closer suddenly even though he hadn't moved an inch.

Nino didn't bother to turn on the rest of the lights, just stepped back to lean against the door--as far away as he could get without leaving the room--and said, "We're not soulmates."

Instead of looking surprised, Ohno just shrugged. His eyes didn't shift from Nino's. "I know."

"Don't you believe? Doesn't everyone believe these days, if they've paid any attention to the last hundred years?" Nino asked, exasperated.

Ohno shrugged again. His demeanor softened suddenly, like his switch had been turned off, and Nino was afraid he knew just what Ohno had looked so damned present for--he'd thought that there was about to be some kissing.

Nino could remember what it felt like to be kissed by an entirely present Ohno.

Ohno mumbled, "Yeah, I've been waiting… waiting a long time. Ever since my mama told me what my mark meant, as a kid."

"Hasn't everyone? Isn't everyone with a mark just waiting--" Nino said, then remembered he himself had a mark and was not about to give Sho up and wait around for someone who would supposedly be better for him.

Ohno scratched his nose in something perilously close to picking it. "What color's yours, Nino?"

Nino considered that lazy stance, those sleepy features. "Piss yellow."

Ohno laughed like his amusement was something unfiltered from deep inside. He laughed for a second longer than was quite normal, and he was still smiling with what seemed like his whole body when he opened his eyes again and locked his gaze on Nino.

"I'm not going to wait anymore."

And then Ohno was there, so close Nino couldn't focus, couldn't breathe, could only heat up from the inside out. Ohno's hands pressed against the door on either side of Nino's head as he moved his body close and leaned in. He'd been impossibly quick in his movements up to that second, so it was almost torturous the slowness with which he tilted his head, and licked his lips, and took one more breath of Nino's air before he moved that last inch closer and--

"I'm with someone," Nino said. He sounded like he was being strangled, but he managed to turn his face away.

"I know," Ohno said, his voice low. "I'm so glad that you found him again."

He didn't move from their shared space. Nino could feel the warmth of his body, and trapped between Ohno's arms, his line of sight included one of those graceful, flexible wrists, the jacket and shirt sleeves rucked up with Ohno's sudden motion. Nino didn't know where Ohno's soulmate tattoo was, but there was a chance it was right there, on that smooth skin, if only they'd sparked so he could see it. It took every ounce of control he possessed to keep his face turned away.

After a charged moment, Ohno said in a different tone, "Oh, you mean…"

"Exclusively."

A beat, and then Ohno asked, "Just the two of you?"

Nino wanted to be able to say something devastating about Ohno not even knowing what exclusive meant, but he was too busy remembering the tone of Sho's voice as he'd said, I can share.

What came out of his mouth was, "I … think so."

But it was enough that Ohno backed off. He was a little less effortless than he had been in coming close, and Nino waited until he couldn't hear Ohno moving anymore before he turned his head to look at him.

Ohno was staring at him, his face hard to read in the dim light. "Then… I guess I'll keep waiting."

Something about the inflection on the last word had the gears turning in Nino's head. Suddenly he thought that when they used the word waiting, they were talking about entirely different things.

The words, "Oh-chan, have you ever…" slipped out, but then he shut his mouth and shook his head as if to take back the half-spoken question. Instead he said, "Don't wait for me."

"I won't come between you," Ohno said, heartfelt. "You know I wouldn't do that."

It was not exactly what Nino asked, but it was enough. He turned and left the room without waiting for Ohno to follow.

*

Sho didn't seem surprised when Nino barged into his office, but then, he'd been the one to send that text in the first place.

"No, you can't share," Nino said angrily. "Don't share me, and I'm not sharing you!" It was possible his emotional turmoil was keeping him from his true eloquence, but he trusted Sho to understand what he meant regardless.

"Not even with Ohno-kun?" Sho said mildly. He was still sitting at his desk like Ohno's reappearance didn't threaten everything he and Nino had been building together.

Nino paused, imagining it despite himself, then stalked around the desk to stick his finger in Sho's face. "Don't try to distract me, Sho-kun. I'm telling you, you can't just--"

"I'm not trying to distract you." Sho batted Nino's hand away with an irritated huff. "I'm trying to have a serious discussion with you. Do you think you can breathe for a second and work through this with me?"

"There's nothing we need to work through," Nino said, more to be stubborn than anything else. Despite that, he did try his best to breathe and think, though it was hard to think calmly when Sho was so visibly holding tight to his patience. "No, there's nothing to work through. You don't want it to be just you and me, because you think when you spark it'll be easier--easier if I have someone else, and you can leave me and have your happily-ever-after, but I'm not going to make it easy for you, Sho-chan, I'm just not."

Sho closed his eyes for a moment. Then he said, expression pained, "Nino, what if you spark first? You're so worried I'll leave you behind. If I'm the one left behind--"

"I would never."

"I just think you'll regret it," Sho said softly. "The same way I'd have regretted it if I'd avoided being with you because I was scared."

Nino drew in a shaky breath and perched on the edge of Sho's desk before his legs gave out. "It's not the same thing."

"And Ohno-kun, what if he sparks tomorrow? Or what if he doesn't spark until he's eighty? He's been alone for a long time, I don't know if he's told you. We owe him so much, and--"

"Love and owing are unrelated," Nino said with finality. He covered his face with his hands, exhausted, and tried not to wonder what Sho meant about Ohno having been alone a long time. The idea of Ohno being lonely was like a physical ache.

"That's not what I meant, but--but Nino, if you say we're staying exclusive, then we are. But since we're talking about it, I'm not going to let Ohno-kun be alone anymore."

Nino dropped his hands. "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm going to be his friend, if he'll have me," Sho said simply. He reached out and took Nino's hands, then pulled him into his lap with a little sound of pleasure at the belated physical contact. "I don't need permission, but Nino, I will ask you something else."

Taking a deep breath, Nino nodded, listening carefully. Sho's eyes were warm and brown and beautiful.

"Ohno-kun's not your soulmate, or your boyfriend, but he saved your life. He brought you back to me, and he's… Can't you see he's someone important? He knew it as soon as he heard your voice, that you were important. He wouldn't leave you."

Nino leaned in and rested his forehead against Sho's, closing his eyes.

Sho said softly, "Can't you put your fear aside and be his friend as well? He's worth the effort, don't you think?"

Nino nodded wordlessly, and Sho's hands came up to frame his face. He didn't say thank you, because he shouldn't have had to ask. Nino knew he was right.

Still, he wasn't above saying petulantly, "Why did you recruit him, anyway?"

"Ah, that's a different question," Sho said jovially, and he lifted Nino up to sit on his desk in a display of upper body strength that made Nino feel a little faint. Nino put his shoes on Sho's shiny pants just to be contrary.

Sho wrapped his hands around Nino's ankles without missing a beat. "It built up over time, but first off, I noticed one day that Ohno-kun has a nearly supernatural ability to fade into the background when he wants to. This group of totally scary high-school boys came in--"

"You were scared by a bunch of high-school boys?" Nino interrupted. He was ignored.

"--and I swear, one second Ohno-kun was there, talking to me, and the next he'd disappeared! I found him by the DVDs after the kids had left, pretending to be a customer."

Nino stared at his boyfriend's enthusiastic face. "Uh-huh."

"And his reflexes!" Sho said next. "One time I knocked over a display of cup noodles, like a whole pyramid's worth! And before they even hit the ground, Ohno-kun did this ninja move, like, he was all whoosh and phwip and the pyramid was complete again, Nino, just like a movie, and--"

"Sho-chan," Nino said slowly. "His fear of teenagers and ability to re-stack cup noodles made you think he'd be a good secret agent?"

Sho stopped, mouth open. Then he said stubbornly, "Did he or did he not make it through training? Is he or is he not an agent right now, because of me? Did I or did I not--"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Nino laughed. "He's the next coming of James Bond and you're a genius for seeing it."

Sho nodded, grinning. "But then he moved away, so I found out where from that low-life manager of his, which cost me more than I'd like to admit in bribe money, and I went and asked him if he was interested in changing jobs."

Nino hesitated. "But how do you know about him being alone?"

"It's not like he said anything about it," Sho said, leaning forward and resting his chin on Nino's knee while he thought. "But he always got me talking somehow, about you, about my family and friends, and he never reciprocated. And it's not just that he didn't talk about them... Somehow I could tell, they just weren't there to talk about. He had this shitty job, and that was it."

Nino smiled suddenly, feeling like he could power the whole block with his feelings for Sho. "So you recruited him. Now he has a marginally less shitty job, and he has--"

He stopped, but Sho looked up at him, eyes shining. "And he has us."

Nino stressed, "As friends," but there wasn't any bitterness left in it. He and Sho looked at each other for a long moment, matched, but then Nino had to say, "And the other thing, the sharing thing… I don't want to hear it again."

Sho didn't bother to look surprised. "Then I won't say it."

He stopped there, but Nino heard the implication. Sho wouldn't say it, but that wouldn't mean he wasn't thinking it, and Nino would always know.

This, too, was enough. Like Nino and Sho, like what they had without destiny, their chosen happiness… and like friendship with Ohno, it was enough.

*

Summer turned to autumn, and autumn to winter, and though Nino resisted the impulse to cover himself at all times in public so that his skin wouldn't touch anyone new, his soulmate tattoo didn't spark. Neither did Sho's, and, though it was of course irrelevant, neither did Ohno's.

Sho kept his word. Not only did he refrain from trying to push Nino into anyone else's arms, he became friends with Ohno. So did Nino.

Nino tried to keep their friendships separate, for no reason he could put into words. It felt right to be friends with Ohno, as least infinitely more right than not being friends with Ohno, and Sho and Ohno were so easy and sweet together that it started to seem impossible that there'd been a time they hadn't competed weekly to find the best box lunches to share with each other, or gone out drinking and ended up passing out in a karaoke bar, or gifted each other with t-shirts from their travels that, as Nino had occasion to know, at least one of them wore to shreds as a sleeping shirt from then on.

Some evil impulse of that asshole, destiny, had Ohno assigned to the cubicle next to Nino's. Without acknowledging it to anyone, Nino started to work at his own desk instead of stealing his handler's. Aiba, not sure whether to be relieved or to protest at the abandonment, settled for coming and hanging out with them whenever his own workload permitted, which was perhaps more frequent than their boss would have wished.

After Ohno settled in, Jun sent him on a mission with Aiba as his handler and Nino as backup, and Ohno sailed through without a snag. His training-mates, Eikura and Yoshida, showed similar promise in the field, though Yoshida had a tendency to try to bulldoze through any problem. It worked for her an alarming amount of the time.

Toma got assigned as Ohno's handler after the trainees ended their probationary period, and soon Nino could tell, heartbreakingly easily, that Ohno had more friends than he'd had since he'd been young. He had Eikura and Yoshida, who teased him and trained with him and pushed him to be better, and Toma, who was the voice in his ear and had his back in every situation. He had Aiba, who had taken to Ohno from the first, and even Jun, who tried and failed not to be obvious about how much he doted on his versatile new employee.

And he had Sho, whose decision to become Ohno's friend soon seemed less a decision than completely inevitable, and, of course, he had Nino.

Nino's friendship with Ohno was a tricky thing. It was, as it had been since the first time they'd met, a relationship where it seemed at times that they could read each other's minds. At the same time, there were things under the surface that needed to stay there or their friendship would founder, if not outright explode.

Nino touched Ohno a lot, because he was a tactile person and it would've felt weirder not to, but he didn't always react well to Ohno touching him back. He avoided drinking too much when Ohno was present, and he worked hard to keep any occasions where he and Sho and Ohno were in the same room to professional ones.

Those few times he allowed himself to be around both of them at the same time off the clock were the times that most tested his resolve. There was something about the way Sho and Ohno were together that made him feel left out in a way he didn't feel when he was watching Sho interact with Aiba or Yoshida, both of whom frequently gravitated toward Sho in social situations. Worse than feeling left out were the times that Sho and Ohno would reach a pause in their conversation and look around the room until their eyes found him.

Sho never said anything about it, and Ohno learned to follow Sho's example, but Nino always felt like they were waiting for him to join them, and it was embarrassing to think that he didn't have the self-control to do so, even if he wanted to.

And he wasn't sure he wanted to. He got drunk more than once in those months, which was rare for him--a few times with Sho and once with Aiba. He never talked about his feelings for Ohno, even then, but he let out things at those times that couldn't be considered unrelated if one knew the particulars as well as he and Sho did. (Aiba was more confused, but willing to lend his shoulder regardless.)

It was the same old story, always--the fact that he was with Sho and wanted to stay with Sho no matter what happened with their soulmate marks. But now when he drunkenly said things about how hard it was, he knew that Sho could hear that this wasn't just about him. It was also a reason he couldn't be with Ohno. It took all his strength to hold on to this one love, this one relationship, this one undestined person, all the while knowing that someday, perhaps soon, it would end. The idea of doing the same thing twice over was unimaginable.

Nonetheless, the tension of working closely with someone he found so attractive was something he could handle only with the constant assistance of his ever-obliging boyfriend. The surge in their already steady physical intimacy was another thing they didn't talk about, though sometimes Nino wondered if he was the only one working out Ohno-related frustration in this most satisfying way. He wondered about that, and he wondered about the way Sho looked at Ohno sometimes when Ohno wasn't looking, like he wanted to give him the world but couldn't, and he wondered, couldn't stop wondering, if Ohno was feeling the same tension that he was--and if he was, if he'd found a consenting adult with whom to work it off.

It was that inflection on the word waiting from back in the beginning that really sent his thoughts spinning. There were people who waited to have sex until they met their soulmate, Nino knew, but it wouldn't have occurred to him that Ohno would be one of them. But he'd said he'd been waiting, and the way that he'd said it was curious… and there were times when he looked at Nino with that blank face of his but his eyes would be so hot on Nino's skin that Nino had to leave the room or he would grab Ohno and find out just what it was Ohno was thinking of doing with him.

Nino wouldn't have bet money on it, because that would've been an unnecessary financial risk on something he wasn't sure wasn't mere speculation of his Ohno-fevered brain, but he didn't think Ohno was working off the tension with anyone. He didn't think Ohno ever had.

He confessed this thought process to Sho one time when they'd been drinking, and Sho had been abstracted the rest of the night. Later Nino found the generosity to hope that Sho asked Ohno about it, because it was likely something Ohno kept to himself, something about which he could use a confidante, but the idea of asking Ohno himself was one he never considered seriously. Every word in that direction was dangerous.

Despite the double strain of destiny and Ohno, Nino and Sho continued to have a relationship that was both solid and frighteningly satisfying. Despite the double strain of Sho and sexual tension, Nino and Ohno settled into a friendship that was both natural to them and odd to everyone else.

It was never clear when you walked by Nino and Ohno's cubicle--two cubicles they'd rearranged to be one big space for both of them--whether you were walking by them as their normal selves, or them in some live-action play they'd concocted on the spot for their own amusement, and they concocted everything together without needing to discuss it while out of character. Adding to that strangeness, how much Nino touched his friends took on a new dimension with Ohno that some seemed to understand better than others. Aiba, for one, agreed with Nino that Ohno's butt had healing properties, but Jun, though he held off from saying anything, tended to get a look on his face like he'd bitten a lemon every time Nino cupped the seat of Ohno's pants and squeezed.

On one memorable occasion as winter edged back toward spring, Sho himself got spectacularly drunk. He drank so much that Nino, who had possibly had a few drinks himself, sneakily borrowed a shopping cart from the nearby supermarket in order to get his boyfriend home. Twisted like a pretzel in the cart in a way that would fill him with regrets the next day, Sho let loose with a constant refrain that it was torment for one person (unnamed) to grope another person (also unnamed) when the second person (Sho thought) was probably already frustrated to the point of having wet dreams every night while the first person (the groper) had someone (unnamed but vigorously gestured to) with whom to fornicate (and Sho used the word 'fornicate' more often that night that Nino had ever heard it from everyone else combined). After the third time Sho had gone through it, each time a bit louder than the last, Nino had gotten out his phone and recorded the next one. Someday, he'd thought blearily, surely someday it would be funny.

The following day Sho hadn't said anything about it other than apologizing for Nino having to take care of him, and he'd seemed lighthearted enough when he consented to pose for a picture with the purloined shopping cart before they wheeled it back to the store late the next night.

But soon after that was the incident at the club with Ohno, and Nino was never sure afterwards if the two events weren't connected in some way he couldn't work out. A whole group of them had gone out, spurred on by Aiba and Toma. Aiba had refused to take no for an answer so Nino agreed to come as long as Aiba bought his drinks.

Nino nursed his drinks for a long time, watching Ohno dance. Sho wasn't there that time, but several other of his coworkers were, and Ohno was dancing with Eikura and Toma and Aiba in the middle of the dancefloor to the pounding rhythm. Then his dance partners found their way back over to Nino, sweaty and laughing, and Ohno was left alone in the crowd, dancing by himself among strangers.

Nino wasn't much of a dancer, but he knew, watching Ohno just then, that he could have slipped through the press of bodies to his friend, wrapped his arms around Ohno's neck, and danced with him for hours. Or at least half an hour, at which point he would have collapsed with dehydration, but honestly he wasn't sure he would have made it half an hour dancing with Ohno before they would've been kissing, and it would have all gone downhill from there.

Nino was imagining this in more detail than he would have if he hadn't been drinking when he saw that Ohno, the real Ohno, had a partner. And it wasn't long after that that Ohno, the real Ohno, was making out on the dancefloor for everyone to see.

It was about that time when Nino dropped his glass on the floor and demanded to be taken home, but he got an eyeful of Ohno kissing some gorgeous stranger before he ended up in a cab bound back to Sho.

That night, Nino lay on their bed, shaking his head no when Sho reached out to touch him. He suspected from his detached observation of Sho's behavior that he eventually wormed the truth out of Aiba via texts, but Sho didn't force the issue. They lay there together, not touching, for well over an hour before either of them slept.

The following day was notable in more ways than one. First came the encounter with Ohno, which had repercussions that were felt for a long time to come.

Second, and this was true for everyone at the agency, it was the last day of the slow year they'd had before information--the right information--finally came in and was passed along from their allies to them about the bombings the year before.

At the time of the debrief on Ohno's first day, Jun had said that it wouldn't be long before they were given a chance to bring the perpetrators of the attack on Japanese soil to justice. In fact, as it turned out, their fearless leader broke more than a few office items during Ohno's first year as a secret agent.

There were the countless pencils he snapped when starting a morning meeting with the reminder that they had to be ready at a moment's notice. Over time it got to be a set thing--he said the usual words and broke the pencil, and then they could get down to the actual work they had to do.

There was the time he kicked a chair as he left the room after a false alarm about the terrorists' location and the chair snapped a leg against the wall. This one, Jun claimed, was not his fault. He said to anyone who brought it up, even by an amused facial expression, that the chair must have been about to break anyway to fall apart at so little provocation.

The best, Nino thought, was when he'd thrown the stapler after the United States had run a mission without their knowledge, violating their agreement to bring Japan in at the end. It had turned out to be yet more false information, but Jun's anger in the moment had been blazingly genuine. Nino argued later, over drinks with Aiba and Yoshida, that the incident topped the chart of Jun's office supply destruction because it managed to destroy two at once--the stapler, which splintered against the wall, and the projector screen, which the stapler tore a hole through on the way to its doom.

It wasn't always funny, but they were used to finding humor where they could. Even Sho, who when it came down to it had to come up with the budget for office supplies, didn't say anything to Jun about it. To Nino privately Sho admitted that it saved them money in the end, because without the outlet for his anger Jun might quit, and without Jun he thought the agency would fall apart.

The endless delay and uncertainty did give the new agents--Ohno, Eikura, and Yoshida--a relatively peaceful first year. They had the minor missions, tedious stakeouts, and endless paperwork Nino had already come to know as making up the majority of his job, punctuated rarely by actual or closely averted catastrophe.

Of course, that was only professionally. On that last day before the work lull finally broke, the day after Nino had seen Ohno making out with a stranger, Nino confronted Ohno in a way he'd been avoiding since that time Ohno had pressed him up against that conference room door.

*

Nino was weird all morning. He couldn't help it--all he could think about was the way it had felt to watch Ohno kissing someone else. He was late to the morning meeting, failed to listen to anything if Jun wasn't addressing him directly, and took his work, for the first time in ages, down a floor to Aiba's desk instead of using his own.

Ohno found him there, in the office Aiba shared with Toma. He didn't bother to make an excuse about anything work-related, he just sat on top of Toma's desk and looked at Nino, who was hunched over a mission report next to Aiba.

Toma glanced between Ohno and Nino. Then he looked at Aiba. As one, they stood and awkwardly left in silence, leaving the office to their field agents.

"Come to help me with the paperwork?" Nino asked pleasantly. He held out half of his stack, but Ohno didn't take it. He looked tired.

Nino wanted to shake him. He wanted to go to Sho's office and lock the door and get his boyfriend so worked up that Sho fucked every thought of Ohno out of them both.

Instead he filled out paperwork. Ohno daydreamed, or maybe waited for Nino to break, or maybe slept with his eyes open like the old man he was.

It was almost lunchtime when Nino snapped. Without turning around, he asked tightly, "Does kissing count?"

No answer.

Nino repeated the question, getting angry, and waited as long as his patience could take before he turned around to wake Ohno up and ask him again.

Ohno wasn't sleeping. He was sitting in Toma's chair with typically terrible posture and a gleam in his eyes that made Nino wish he could take back his question.

He couldn't, of course. Ohno said, "Count for waiting or count for us?"

Nino caught his breath at this acknowledgement of the two biggest issues under the surface of his friendship with Ohno. He shouldn't have asked; he'd known he shouldn't ask.

"Forget it."

Ohno just smirked. "You know, I don't think I will." In that moment his physical presence was a force, all self-confidence and heavy-lidded eyes.

Rather than give in to it, to himself, Nino said, "You're crossing a line right now, you know that."

"You're the one who asked," Ohno said, holding Nino's gaze. "What kind of answer were you looking for?"

"There is no us," Nino said ruthlessly, "and you know I told you not to wait for me, so if that's what you're waiting for, don't."

Ohno's expression hardened, his eyes losing their gleam, and he looked more tired than ever. "My feelings are my own."

"But--" Nino started, but Ohno interrupted him.

"My feelings are my own, Nino, and no matter how much you act like they're the problem, you know they're not. I'm not asking you for anything, so if you… if you and Sho-kun are struggling, leave me out of it."

"We're not struggling," Nino said, surprised into simple honesty. Nino was struggling with his feelings for Ohno, and Sho probably had some feelings of his own he was putting aside to be with Nino, but Sho and Nino's relationship was as much a refuge as ever.

He meant to say something else--he didn't know if it would have been angry or not, but he was sure there was more to say--but Ohno seemed suddenly changed in a way that stopped the words on Nino's tongue.

He didn't even look all that different, really, but somehow Nino just knew Ohno was more than exhausted.

He looked like he might break.

Nino didn't know what to do. He tried to think what Sho would do, because Sho was generous in ways Nino simply wasn't, and he settled on saying tentatively, "Oh-chan, do you need me to get someone? I could get Sho-chan, if it'd help."

Ohno closed his eyes, and when he opened them again the fragile look was gone. "No, I don't need anyone. Thank you."

Rather than fuck it up further, Nino left him alone.

*

That night after they were both in bed, Nino gathered his courage and asked Sho, "Why aren't we struggling? It's been a year and a half since we got back together, almost as long as we made it the first time. Not to mention--"

Sho made a thinking noise and turned on his side to look at Nino. "Do you want to mention it? I'm up to talk about it, if you'd like."

It was a testament to Sho's patience with Nino that he used the word "it" instead of "him," or even "Ohno."

Nino hesitated. "Today he asked me… today I asked him something that crossed a line, and then--he's right, we should be struggling, but we're not."

"I am struggling with it," Sho said. He quelled Nino's panic before it even began by reaching out and brushing the backs of his fingers against Nino's cheek. "But that's on my own, and with you, I'm with you. There's nothing I would do differently if it meant I had to give you up, Nino."

"I feel the same," Nino murmured. "But then--"

Sho sighed. "So when you think about it, the person who's struggling is Satoshi-kun, all by himself. Do you think…" he started, then tried again with an only slightly more believable attempt at objectivity, "Do you think he went home with that guy last night?"

"I got mad at him about that," Nino confessed. "I know I shouldn't have. And I don't think--Sho-chan, I don't think he did go home with him. Before, I think he was waiting for his soulmate, but now--"

"Now he's just waiting for you."

Nino shook his head with certainty. "Not just me."

Sho's eyes lit up in the moment before his brain kicked in and remembered why that wasn't a good thing. "Shit, we have to let him go."

Nino laughed despite himself. "But we haven't even taken him yet!" The word yet seemed to echo in his ears, but Sho ignored it, more intent on what they needed to do to help their friend.

"We've spent the last year in bed more than out of it, it feels like, and Satoshi-kun's been waiting for us? We have to let him go, Kazu, so that he can find his own happiness."

Nino said loftily, "I've been enjoying our increased activities, Sho-chan. These days I hardly ever have to go to the gym."

Distracted, Sho waved a hand dismissively at Nino and said, "Yes, let's do it after this, okay, but first I'm being serious here--"

Nino turned his head to kiss Sho's hand, which had settled back naturally onto his cheek. "It's your romantic nature that makes the sex so good," he sighed, then wriggled across the bed and into Sho's arms.

"Nino, you're avoiding the issue."

Smiling against that ragged t-shirt from Ohno's trip to Okinawa, Nino mumbled shamelessly, "I think you're going to let me."

Sho rolled on top of him, to Nino's delight, but before he moved in for the kiss he said seriously, "Bring Satoshi-kun up to my office tomorrow, when you get a minute. We have to discuss this, all three of us."

Nino bit his lip, amusement fading. "Sho-chan, I don't know if it's the right time. You didn't see the look on his face today. It was like… it was like he'd given up on something, and if we take away what little hope he has left--"

"It's never going to be the right time," Sho said sadly. "It's never going to feel right to do it, you know that."

Nino swallowed. "Tomorrow, then." The words were nearly impossible to say. "And Sho-chan? I wish that back then, when you said you could share… I wish I could've said yes."

Sho settled his body down over Nino's, his eyes dark. "I don't know, Nino. Maybe it wouldn't have worked--it might've been harder than I thought." He ran his thumb over Nino's mouth, then leaned in to kiss him deeply. After a moment he sat up to dispose of his shirt, which ended up on the floor halfway to the laundry basket, and Nino wasted no time in getting his hands on Sho's body.

"Why?" he asked, breath starting to come more quickly. No matter how many times he saw his boyfriend like this, he couldn't imagine ever not feeling overwhelmed.

Sho came back to him, kissing his neck, running his hand up Nino's side, rocking with his hips. "Because the idea of someone else having you like this is unbearable."

An echo of Sho's long ago words about sharing came back into Nino's mind. Not even with Ohno-kun?

Sho might've been right that it would've been hard back then, but he'd come to have a bond with Ohno, like Nino had, even if it wasn't enough to push Nino and risk their relationship. Nino had to think that if they were all three together, the emotions Sho would have when he saw Ohno with Nino like this wouldn't be the kind that wanted them to stop.

He didn't say it. He had Sho with him, and he was with Sho, and part of him still thought that this was something he didn't really deserve and needed to grip tightly without ever taking a moment to breathe.

He pushed down his worry for Ohno, for all of them, and opened his mouth for Sho's fervent kisses, his thighs for Sho's hips, and his heart for the words Sho murmured from time to time, the words that belonged to Nino alone.

*

In the morning meeting the next day, Ohno was withdrawn. It was normal for him to be quiet, though, and Nino focused on paying attention to Jun, who'd made a sharp comment the day before about Nino being late and not listening.

Afterwards, Nino waited for Ohno so they could walk to their cubicle together, but Ohno must have gone out the other door because in the milling of agents Nino never saw him. He then waited at his desk for twenty minutes without Ohno showing up.

Finally Nino went out to look for him.

He looked everywhere ordinary, from Aiba and Toma's office to the bathroom and the gym, then more unusual places, like Jun's office and the legal department and that one vending machine that had awful sandwiches.

He was about to start checking the vents when he thought of one more place he might find him.

This time, a year later, when he pushed open the door of that random conference room that was probably used for boring budget meetings or the creation of vision statements, the motion detectors didn't turn on any lights. Nino was about to back out and try somewhere else, or maybe start over at the beginning and try again at all the places he'd already tried, when he saw a small figure against the opposite wall, sitting in the dark.

"Oh-chan," he said quietly, and the figure's head lifted.

Nino came into the room, letting the door shut on its own behind him. He left the lights off--Ohno must have pushed the button to disable them--and came around the table to sit against the wall next to his silent friend.

He didn't touch Ohno, but he put his hand on the floor between them in case Ohno wanted to hold it. He asked softly, "Are you all right?"

Ohno nodded. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

Nino considered a flippant remark, but something about the quality of Ohno's stillness had him holding back. A moment after that, he realized Ohno's breathing sounded strange, like he might be on the verge of tears, and he forgot everything except the need to make whatever was wrong better if he could.

He held out his arms to Ohno, who didn't move, then gathered him up against himself as tightly as he could. Ohno was stiff for a second before he curled up against Nino's chest and let Nino hold him.

"I'm fine," he whispered. He didn't sound fine. "It's not a big deal."

With as much gentleness as he could manage, Nino said, "What isn't?"

Ohno leaned into him a little closer and rested his head on Nino's shoulder. "Last night I lost--" he started, then paused as Nino drew his breath in sharply. "--to my body."

Nino's tension broke, and he was almost chuckling when he asked, "But Oh-chan, what does that even mean?"

Ohno didn't laugh, and though his body stayed relaxed against Nino's own, it felt like his heart rate picked up a bit. "It means I called that guy from the club and went home with him."

"You… oh."

Nino swallowed hard, struggling to be his better self. He wondered if it was possible to let Ohno go emotionally like Sho said they needed to without having to let Ohno physically out of his arms. It was terrifying that it felt so right to touch Ohno without there even being anything arousing about the context.

They were a match. But Nino was with Sho, and Ohno had slept with someone else, and Sho thought they had to let Ohno go.

After a strained moment, Nino managed, "How was it?"

This time he heard a definite sniffle. "It was awful."

"What kind of awful?" Nino asked, then went very still. "Oh-chan, did he--"

"I wanted it," Ohno said dismally. "Or I thought I did. Nino, are there people who just don't like sex?"

Nino knew there were, of course, but he couldn't help remembering the possessive way Ohno had kissed him, not to mention that memorable occasion when Ohno'd pushed him up against the door in this very room and nearly seduced every stitch of clothing from his body.

Still, he wasn't about to invalidate whatever emotions Ohno was having about his sexuality, so he said calmly, "Yes, there are. Do you think that might be true of you?"

"I don't know. I definitely didn't like that."

"Did he," Nino started, then stopped. "Was he…" He didn't know what to ask in order to get the knowledge he needed to help Ohno feel better.

That time Ohno almost laughed, though the tone of it only gave away how close he was to all-out tears. "He didn't realize I'd never done anything but kissing before. I don't think he knew my name, even, he just, I could've been anyone and he wouldn't've cared. He got what he wanted, then made sure I came, and then somehow I was out the door with my clothes back on like nothing'd happened."

"But you…"

Nino was having a real problem putting his tumultuous thoughts into words. But Ohno, as ever, understood him.

"I did, I wanted it. He wasn't mean, exactly…" Ohno thought for a minute, and when he came to a conclusion he actually sounded like it was one that made him feel a bit better. "He was actually just kind of … dense. I know I only ever got to a middle-school sort of kanji reading, but Nino, at least I notice things about people, right? And I try to do the right thing--"

"Of course you do," Nino soothed. He held Ohno for several minutes after that, making understanding noises as Ohno cried.

When Ohno got his breathing back under control, Nino helped him sit back on his own and turned to face him in the dark. All he could see was the shape of Ohno's face and the glint of wet eyes, but he looked directly at him anyway so that he could say what he needed to say without it coming off like a joke.

"Oh-chan, I'm sorry your first time was terrible. Nothing I'm about to say will change the fact that it was terrible, but listen anyway because I'm your senior when it comes to sex and I have to tell you something important."

He could make out that Ohno nodded.

Nino said bluntly, "Just about everyone you've ever met had a terrible first time. It doesn't mean they won't like sex, except when it does, of course, and it doesn't mean they've done anything wrong… You definitely didn't do anything wrong. It's just, most of the time, your first time having sex is shit."

"No, that's impossible," Ohno mumbled stubbornly. "I waited for so long, for my soulmate and then--and then, and if I'd only just kept waiting for the right moment, it would've been perfect."

Nino tried hard not to laugh, but a bit of it must of leaked out with his exhale, because Ohno made an irritated sort of noise that Nino considered to be emotional progress considering the weepy mess he'd been just a few minutes before.

"Maybe it would've been," he said, trying not to sound disbelieving. "But probably not? And okay, that's a bummer, but let me tell you, the first time I had sex, I had trouble getting it up because she had all these stuffed animals next to her pillow, and after we finally got it in I realized we were in her little brother's bed. She said his room was farther from their parents' so she'd made him trade for the night, Oh-chan. The first time I had my dick inside someone else I was trying not to make eye-contact with Totoro."

Ohno was either silently laughing or crying. Nino forged on.

"And then I had my first time with a guy, and it was a little better, because, you know, I'm more into guys, but neither of us knew what we were doing, and let me just tell you it hurt like a motherfucker."

"Ah," Ohno said suddenly, and Nino was relieved to hear that he sounded much more like he'd been laughing. "It hurt… for me too."

Nino pushed down all of his anger and sadness and frustration, because he didn't want Ohno to think for a second that any of it was at him. He held out his hand. Ohno took it.

"It's not supposed to hurt, I promise. And you have time to try again, and try again, and with people who are way less dense and who'll know your name, and then--and also with someone you love… that's something else, sometimes."

Ohno squeezed his hand. "But the people I love don't love me like that."

Nino jerked back like he'd been burned. "What did you just say?"

"No, I know you love me," Ohno hastened to say. "Both of you, I know you do. But it's different from how I love you, and maybe I'll never get over it. What if I don't meet my soulmate for another fifty years and I'm an old man who's only ever had sex once, and it was… yeah, it was shit."

"I mean, you could still have good sex without a soulmate or either of us, but Oh-chan, you have to know--"

Nino wasn't sure exactly what he meant to say but he was so far from the point of letting Ohno go that he was already pulling Ohno toward him by the hand when Aiba burst through the door and hit the lights.

"Oh shit, here you are," Aiba said, his voice that fast, deep way it got when he was working in a volatile situation. "We've been trying to find you for twenty minutes--Matsumoto-san's called a meeting, right now."

Nino got up and pulled Ohno with him, or maybe it was the other way around. He let go of Ohno's hand and searched for his phone, but he must have left it at his desk. No wonder Aiba'd had to track them down in person. "The information?"

"He thinks it might be right this time--and he's not going to let them leave us out."

Nino turned back to Ohno, who'd wiped away any remaining tears and stood there looking quietly capable. "You good?"

Ohno nodded, all thoughts of his personal life clearly forgotten. "I'm ready."

*

Nino, however, didn't forget about Ohno's confession, or about Ohno's misunderstanding, or about how he needed to somehow make everything right, if he could only figure out how.

He did shove it down as far as he could because within 24 hours, he and his closest colleagues, including Ohno, would be putting their lives on the line in order to catch and bring to justice those responsible for the terrorist attack of nearly two years before.

The meeting only lasted about fifteen minutes after Nino arrived. In it Jun shared the information they'd received from the United States, then outlined a few different potential situations they'd be walking into when they reached their destination, which turned out to be a remote location in far northern Russia. The information seemed solid--the terrorist group was supposed to be there to buy a biological weapon, and they'd risked bringing all their multinational members because the maker of the weapon had promised them injections that would give them chemical immunity to the weapon in question.

After sketching out what they faced, Jun, as was his custom with high-risk missions, asked a couple of his most trusted, veteran agents what they would do if they had the planning of it.

For the very first time, he included Nino, who couldn't help sitting up a bit straighter, holding himself a bit more proudly. There wasn't much recognition to be had in the job he'd chosen. The one he'd just received was something he hadn't expected for years to come.

He laid out his plan for the group with coldblooded, unhesitating efficiency. When he finished, Jun nodded.

"Sakamoto-san, what about you?" he asked, turning next to one of the most seasoned agents they had.

Sakamoto, a spare, elegant-looking man whose very body was a weapon, considered for a few seconds as he looked up at the screen with the relevant logistics. He had led more missions and trained more agents than Nino could count. He was also one of the few agents who had a visible soulmate tattoo, though Nino had never met his wife.

"There isn't much I would change about Ninomiya-kun's plan," he said at last. Nino's spine reached an extra level of straightness as he tried to look worthy of this. Sakamoto went on to rearrange some agents and tweak the timing, but the praise wasn't diminished because of it, and at the end Jun simply nodded and said, "Let's do it."

Everyone in the room was going, and they were all to meet in the underground garage in five minutes. Jun didn't have to mention not to be late.

Nino threaded his way through the crowd to the door as fast as professionally possible. There was one person he had to see before he was on a plane to Russia with Ohno, and Aiba, and so many other people he cared about--and no guarantee they'd all make it back alive.

Sho was standing in the doorway to his office, waiting impatiently. As soon as he saw Nino coming he started for him.

Nino met him halfway. They held each other close for a long second, then started down the hallway together--away from Sho's office, not toward it, because five minutes wasn't enough time for any sort of conversation unless it was on the move.

"Sho-chan," Nino started, gripping Sho's hand hard as they rounded a corner. "I'm confused, about Oh-chan, I don't know if you were right--"

"We'll figure it out when you get home," Sho said. He always got really intense before Nino went on missions, and this time was no exception. He looked like he was imagining every single thing that could go wrong. He looked like he was trying, by willpower alone, to force the universe into the alignment that would keep Nino safe and bring him back to him. But this time, Sho's selfish, desperate thoughts weren't only for Nino.

His voice was gruff, but he got the words out: "Whatever you have to do, Nino. You make sure he knows he's not alone."

Nino nodded wordlessly. The best agents were the most skillful, the best prepared--and they were the ones who had people to come home to.

"He's good," he said tightly, trying to forget that this would be Ohno's first big combat mission. "Not as good as me, of course, but who is?"

They were at the last turn before Nino would join the others, right on time, and Sho grabbed Nino's wrist, spun him around, and kissed him like it could make time stop.

Then he pushed Nino around the corner and started away. He'd always hated watching Nino leave, and Nino suspected this time he couldn't face the thought of seeing Ohno disappear either.

They were both hopeless when it came to letting Ohno go.

Nino looked one more time at the empty hallway, his mouth still feeling Sho's ungentle kiss, then turned to Jun, to Aiba, to Eikura and Toma and Yoshida and Sakamoto and all the other agents who were his team in what was to come. There in the middle was Ohno.

He looked like he belonged there. Nino went and stood beside him as they waited for the cars to arrive to take them to the airstrip, to the plane that would take them to see if they could put an end to one criminal group's reign of terror.

*


Part 3