fic for natsunonamae (9/10)

[nino-mod.livejournal.com]

For: natsunonamae
From: sky_fish7

Part 8


~ * Chapter 9 * ~

Everything could be so perfect. Things between Sho and Ninomiya are going smoothly, they enjoy each other's company, they spend a lot of time together, the sex is amazing, there's nothing more that Sho could ever wish for. Just... that it stays. That it will become a constant in his life, something he does not have to miss any longer. But sometimes, life is challenging, testing, and things aren't as easy and smooth as they can be.

By the end of July, Sho and Ninomiya's relationship is brought to such a test and to say it's troublesome, is an understatement. Though, the trigger of their troubles doesn't come from within their relationship, they have to face a threat from the outside.

It's Saturday midday when Ninomiya is invited to join Sho and Satsuki for lunch. They cooked and were enjoying it together, when the doorbell rings. Sho receives a registered letter, addressed to Satsuki, sender, an address from Europe, Vienna. Confused, Sho hands the letter to his daughter, who immediately pales and it's then when he remembers that the music school Satsuki took the piano test for is located in Vienna and that she told him they would announce the results at the end of July.

Hurriedly, the girl rips the letter open, pulling a bunch of papers out of the envelop, everything is written in English, making her frown a little, but she can read the cover letter with the subject "Invitation for Scholarship" in bold letters. Sho's eyes widen, just as those of his daughter and a second later, the girl is squealing, holding the letter high in the air and starting to hop from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to Vienna!" she screams, but stops abruptly when her father grabs the papers from her hands.

"What? Wait, wait, stop! Let me see that," the man says, quickly skimming the English letter and the enclosures, some kind of countless complicated-looking formula for who knows what.

"Kazu-kun," the girl addresses Ninomiya, who is watching the scene quietly for now. "I'm going to Vienna!"

"Young Lady, we have not talked about this yet!" Sho says in a strict voice, earning an uncomprehending look from Satsuki.

Indeed, they haven’t talked about this opportunity at all, in fact, it's the first time, Sho actively considers this as a possibility. True, he remembers that Keiko pulled their daughter along to that test, of course, but to be honest, so many things have happened recently, he hasn’t found time to think about what is going to happen if his daughter actually received a scholarship for that music school. No, to be honest, he isn't even ready to think about it now...

"But Dad, look at it, they offer me a scholarship, in Vienna!" she points out.

"And that's really awesome, so congratulations, but... just like that you want to go there?" her father asks, frowning. "Have you even thought through everything yet?"

The girl looks at her father as if he has gone mad. "I... what do I need to think through, it's a scholarship, wouldn't I be stupid to decline?!"

"You have school here, you're in the middle of your first year in high school," Sho starts making a list. "You're barely 16, do you think I will just let you move to Vienna without talking this out with you properly?"

Stubbornly, Satsuki pouts. "So it's a problem that I have to move there?"

Sho chuckles in disbelief. His daughter sounds as if everything is decided already and he doesn't approve of it. This is a decision that they have to file together, as a family! "You're 16, god damned it, you're still a child! Do you really want to live abroad, all alone, in a country you don't even speak the language?"

"I... I'm sure they speak English there too!"

"And how good is your English?" he arches an eyebrow.

"Uhm..."

"Kazu, how good is her English?" Sho asks Satsuki's teacher, his eyes not leaving his daughter.

"… I'd say good average," Ninomiya murmurs. "She's not that bad but..."

"I dare to say that you need exceptionally good English knowledge to survive in a foreign country, young Lady, not just good average!" the other man shoots, and he would be lying if he said he doesn't feel glad to finding a reason against all this...

"Dad!"

"Sorry, but ask yourself, do you think your English is good enough for you to get yourself through over there?" he challenges her again.

"Mostly?"

"And what about living all alone?" Sho asks. "Nobody will drive you around or cook for you or wash your clothes or-"

"Dad, I've grown up, I can do those things on my own already and you know that very well," Satsuki replies, rolling her eyes. She's right.

"...And what about your friends?" And your Dad, Sho wants to add but doesn't.

For this argument, Satsuki doesn't have an answer, not an immediate one. She takes a deep breath, pouts and puffs up before she stomps her feet and yells at her father. "Oh, I hate you, Dad, why are you ruining this for me now?!"

"I just want you to think about it properly!" Sho replies defending, not much quieter than his daughter, who turns around and leaves the kitchen, stomping through the corridors of the apartment, approaching her room. Sho follows her. "Pros and cons, remember? And then we'll talk about it and decide together what's best for you so -"

"I will think about it properly, OK?! Satisfied?" the girl grumbles at him, the knob of her room's door in her hand, ready to push it open.

Sho crosses his arms. "You have to consider what it means. You will quit school here and attending school in Austria will be hard, especially because you are lacking in the language. I want you to graduate properly and... and to consider that we... we'll be apart..."

"Well, if that is the problem, I do have a solution for you. You can come with me and play Daddy there!" she hisses, grabbing her letter and all the other papers that are already slightly crumbled by now, out of her father's hands and storms into her room.

"Satsuki, wait," her father wants to hold the door open but he's too late, hearing it slam close and the key turn.

"Leave me alone, I have to think!" Satsuki yells from the other side of the door.

"Satsuki..."

Sho sighs, hanging his shoulders but even if he knocks on the door several times, his daughter doesn't reply and instead he can hear her turn up the volume of her music and so he gives up. So, this did not work out as he wanted to, at all, but when did it get out of hand? They both have been super emotional. Wasn't his daughter too excited to begin with? Or was it his mistake, giving her the feeling that he'd be against the idea? No, it's not like he's completely against it, it's just... he wasn't prepared for this, not for the scholarship offer and even less for Satsuki's willingness to take the offer without a second thought. To be honest, and it may sound stupid, he is feeling a little hurt that she doesn't seem to consider talking it through with her father at all before making such a big decision. Sure, it's a chance, maybe a once in a lifetime chance, but still...

When Sho returns to the kitchen, full of doubts regarding his fatherly qualities, Ninomiya is washing and drying some of the dishes, his look lowered, and he looks a bit absentminded. The young father comes to his side and offers him a hand, Ninomiya gives him the dish towel while he digs into the filled sink again, to clean the next plate.

"I'm sorry, Kazu, I didn't want you to witness this...," Sho murmurs apologetically. Surely, it wasn't a pleasant father-daughter discussion to listen to.

But the teacher just shakes his head slightly. "Don't worry, it's normal that families have arguments and this... is a severe topic..."

Again, Sho sighs and after he dries the next plate, turning to his boyfriend, he asks, "What do you think about all this?"

Ninomiya gives him a surprised look. "Eh? I? I... I don't know...," the man stammers. "I think, Satsuki is amazing if she manages to get a scholarship..."

"Of course, she's amazing! But...," Sho frowns, worried. "Do you think I'm too strict?"

"Uhm Sho, really...," the teacher averts his eyes, obviously insecure about the situation. "I don't know... you are her father and even if I appreciate that you are asking for my opinion, I don't think it's my right to butt into such a situation."

Sho gets the hint and retreats immediately. Maybe it's too early after just a few months to include his boyfriend in family decisions, especially if he's her teacher. Sho has unconsciously followed his wish of building a family with the three of them, but probably, he has been thinking that it's easier than it really is. Sho never thought about it that way, but maybe, being the boyfriend of a student's father in reality isn't that easy for Ninomiya. He probably has to keep a certain amount of emotional distance to the girl in order not to favour her over the other students. And if that's the case, Sho has to accept it.

"Sorry, if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"No no, I'm sorry for not being helpful."

"I guess it's a father-daughter thing, right?" the man rubs his forehead, troubled.

"I think so, yes."

Sho takes the next plate and Ninomiya lets the excess water drain out of the sink before drying his hands with a small towel. "Good. I hope she'll get herself together soon so that I can talk to her properly..."

"Hm... Yeah," Ninomiya replies, still rubbing his hands with the towel although they are long dried.

Sho looks at him for a few seconds, before he takes the cloth from his boyfriend, apparently pulling him out of thoughts in the process. He frowns, leaning a bit forward to meet his partner's slightly absent gaze. He places a small kiss on Ninomiya's forehead, causing his boyfriend to blush slightly before averting his eyes. Strange, they should have passed this level of shyness between them already...

"Kazu, is everything OK?"

"Eh? Ah, sure, everything's fine."

Again, Sho frowns. "Really?"

With a slightly awkward smile, Ninomiya repeats. "Really..."

But it isn't fine, Sho will have to learn soon. Not fine at all. Since the fight between him and Satsuki, not only the relationship between him and his daughter has suffered a bit (after a few days, Satsuki is still huffy and the two still have not talked properly about the topic yet, since the deadline for Satsuki's reply to the letter is mid-August anyway) but also Ninomiya's behaviour changes.

First, he refuses to have sex, claiming he's not feeling well or not in the mood. Then, he calls off dates, saying he's busy with school work and Sho feels like his boyfriend is making excuses. He assumes the other needs a little more space and so he retreats, accepting his refusals for now but planning to come back on it later, if nothing changes for the better by itself.

Unfortunately, things don't get better and slowly but surely, Sho starts to panic. He has no idea what he has done wrong or what is happening to Ninomiya, but somehow, when he remembers that his boyfriend's strange behaviour has started on the day Satsuki received her scholarship offer. He wonders if his partner's sudden change of mood can be related to the situation with Satsuki, even if he wonders how.

For a moment, Sho thinks that it may have to do with Ninomiya's past dream of becoming a professional pianist when he was younger but couldn't achieve due to an injured hand, but he quickly dumps the idea. Ninomiya isn't the jealous or remorseful type, he's happy for Satsuki, he's happy with his current life, his job, and he told Sho that he wouldn't want to have it any different since fate brought him and Sho together and he's grateful for that. But what else could it be?

No matter how Sho tries to make the other talk, it doesn’t work and somehow, it feels like Ninomiya is drifting away from Sho, which frightens him. He loves the young teacher so much, it's the first time since... forever, that Sho finally has someone by his side other than his beloved daughter, whom he loves so much that he can't imagine his life without that person any longer. He doesn't want to lose Ninomiya, but approaching him is becoming almost impossible as the young man has locked himself in and refuses to share his thoughts with Sho.

One evening, after Ninomiya has finally agreed to another date, the two meet for a stroll through the park. Even though it's dark, Ninomiya doesn't seem ready at all to even allow Sho take his hand in his, which is what he usually likes, instead, he even walks some steps further besides him, creating distance between them. The gap hurts Sho and the atmosphere between them is strange, too strange, considering how happy they have been just a few weeks ago and still, Sho cannot put a finger on what exactly is wrong. It's just that Ninomiya is quiet, very quiet, and he looks sad. Heartbreakingly sad. Sho just hopes that he isn't the reason behind it and that his boyfriend will finally share his sorrows with him so that he can try to help him. He promises himself that if Ninomiya doesn't talk about it when he brings him back to the bus station, he will ask him himself again, directly.

Sho doesn't get the chance to do so though, because after about 15 minutes of walking silently through the park lit with only with street lamps, Ninomiya eventually starts talking.

"Have you and Satsuki made a decision about Vienna?" the man asks out of the blue, startling Sho with his sudden question.

"Not really...," he replies in surprise, thinking of how stubborn both, he and his daughter are recently, stupidly stubborn. "But I guess we should, better sooner than later."

"What will you do if she'll go there?" the teacher asks.

Sho tilts his head and sighs, wondering. He thought about this too, even though he couldn't come to a conclusion yet. There are several options, of course, but none of them seems really attractive to him. He can allow Satsuki to accept the scholarship and send her to Vienna, if she really wants, but it would mean that he has to leave his 16-year old daughter alone in a foreign country. Or he can go with her, breaking off his connections here in Japan, search for a job in Vienna and live there with her until she finishes school and they will be able to come back. But it would mean that he and Ninomiya won't be able to meet that often any longer and their relationship will be put to a severe test with the distance between them. It will be hard. Probably too hard. Probably, Ninomiya doesn't want that and will refuse to wait for him... but how can Sho ask him to come along with them? They are only a couple for just a few months now and even if he wishes it to become the truth, it doesn't mean that they will spend their whole life together. Ninomiya has his job here, a job he loves. His friends, his family. No, Sho can’t demand for him to leave everything behind and accompany them to a foreign country...

"I don't know... really, I don't know," Sho says, honestly troubled. Whichever way it will end, someone will suffer, more or less and it sucks. Ninomiya faces away from his boyfriend and Sho feels a stab in his heart.

"Sho?" the teacher finally says in a low voice, almost a whisper. "I want to break up."

It comes unexpected and it comes like a blow, like a punch right into Sho's heart. He cannot move, he cannot believe his ears, and he refuses comprehend the meaning of the words leaving Ninomiya's lips just now. Sho feels like his brain has stopped working, his head becoming empty, making him feel dizzy. Break up. Break up... break up... No...

"What? Why?" he finally asks, after what must feel like an eternity later, his voice letting him down halfway as it breaks. He wants to step forward, to grab Ninomiya's hand and make him turn around to face him, but still, the shock is too strong, he cannot move.

"I just... I think, this thing with us isn't working," Ninomiya says, still not turning around. "I'm sorry, Sho."

Sho still doesn't move, but his brain starts working again as the realization of what this means hits him hard. Flashbacks of his and Ninomiya's time together start to run through his head, he remembers their first meeting, that cute, drunken, desperate man that tried to kiss him. The happiness that flooded Sho's heart when he recognized Ninomiya on the bus that day, the surprise from finding out that he's Satsuki's teacher and the amusement over Ninomiya's shyness. And of course, the funny misunderstanding of Ninomiya who thought that he had a drunken one-night stand with Sho and panicked about losing his job as a teacher afterwards. How they slowly got to know each other better, how Ninomiya helped Sho when he was so scared about losing Satsuki when she suddenly disappeared without warning, their first kiss, their first date, their first...

No. Sho doesn't want this. He doesn't want to lose his precious boyfriend, the man he has fallen in love with, the first person he has fallen in love with after so many years. They are so good together, they are perfect together, and he wants this perfection back, now. He wants to take Ninomiya and shake him, shake him back to sanity, to convince him that he shouldn't break up with him and that Sho will do anything the other wants to make this thing work between them. He wants to hug the man, pour all his love over them and make him reconsider...

When the young man starts walking away without a word further, Sho starts to panic. He swallows, his throat feels dry and it burns. His feet feel like blocks of cement, but he finally manages to move, slowly first, then he speeds up, his heartbeat with him, and he reaches out to hold his boyfriend back. He desperately clasps Ninomiya's hand, pulling it slightly to make him stop. Finally, the young man stumbles a little and comes to a halt, turning slightly, feeling annoyed, and trying to free his hand from Sho's grip.

"Let go of me," the man murmurs, but Sho doesn't listen.

"Kazu, I don't understand," he says, desperately. "I thought everything's going fine between us. Look, we're so good together... even if the past two weeks were a bit... strange maybe... and I want to tell you that whatever it is that troubles you, if it’s something I did something wrong or anything, I'll fix it, I promise! Just... just tell me what it is so that I have a chance."

"Sho, no," the other replies and maybe, Sho is imagining it, but in the dim light of the street lamp nearby, it looks almost like Ninomiya's cheeks are wet. Is he crying? "I don't want to... it's... it's over, OK?"

"I don't want that, Kazu, please," the other says, pleading, feeling his own eyes becoming watery. "Don't leave me. I don't want this to be over!"

"Too late, Sho. I'm sorry..."

Ninomiya's hand slips out of Sho's grip and the man's heart feels so heavy that it grounds his body to the very spot he's standing now. He feels like he can't breathe, his heart hurting so much that it paralyses his whole body. He wants to say something but he just can part his dry lips. His hand, with the warmth of Ninomiya gone, falls down as if every last ounce of strength has left Sho's body all at once and this time, he really cannot move, the shock forcing him to watch one of his two most important people in his life walk out of his life, unable to do anything against it.

A first tear runs down Sho's cheek when he's finally able to breathe again, yelping frantically.

~ * ~

If there is something Nino learned from Jun, then it's that relationships have to part if circumstances interfere too much with a couple's plans. When their circumstances go apart too far, when their interests don't match or when distance is put between them. He has learned it the hard way, but he has overcame this crisis before and probably, he'll be able to overcome such a crisis again, even if right now he just wishes that he can drown in the darkness made from his own tears, and let it swallow him forever.

Three days have passed since he broke up with Sakurai and it's Nino's luck that it's summer holidays so he can shut himself inside his apartment and let the world outside exist without him for a while as he's busy with mourning the loss of his relationship. Admittedly, his own self-inflicted loss, but he's convinced that it is his only choice.

Even if Sakurai has tried to call him what feels like a few hundred times, even when Sakurai has showed up several times in front of his apartment, Nino has ignored every attempt of his ex-boyfriend to contact him. He just hides in his living room, dressed in his most comfortable (and probably also the most ugly) old pants and shirt, living from instant ramen and cheap alcohol that he has bought from a convenience store that night of the break up, abandoning his promise not to drink alcohol again – at least not excessively. His apartment looks like his trash can exploded and on the TV screen he watches the very same recording of the musical "Elisabeth" as months ago.

Nino can see a pattern, he has to admit, remembering his break-up with Jun a few months ago. He definitely has not planned to return to this situation so quickly again, he hasn't planned to ever feel so heartbroken again, but that's how it is. He's been in the same miserable state, well, maybe not completely as miserable as right now, with one difference. At least, Jun's expensive whiskey has been a tiny little bit tastier than the shit from the convenience store.

Next to Sakurai's attempts to contact him, Nino also ignores the calls of his best friend Aiba and Aiba's boyfriend Toma, who are probably the only other people that care about him when he doesn't respond for three days, but frankly, he doesn't feel like talking to them at all.

He also ignores it when Aiba hammers against his apartment door, calling his name desperately, threatening to call an ambulance if he doesn't show a sign of life immediately. Grumbling, Nino barks something like "Get lost" in the direction of his apartment door and for a moment, the hammering on his door stops, however, it seems to be just interrupted for something else. Nino can hear some distant clattering, then the familiar sound of a key getting pushed into a key hole and then, to his horror, he can hear his apartment door being opened and closed.

He doesn't bother to stand up though, the huge blanket wrapped around his miserable figure is too heavy, and just waits until the person who just let himself into his world without permission, shows up in the living room, flashing him a worried look.

"Nino...," Aiba murmurs when he spots the other.

He sighs and immediately sits down on the couch right next to his friend, pushing the blanket off Nino's head so that he can at least look into his friend's face. Nino averts his eyes, quickly, knowing that he must look horrible, dark circles eating his face, his hair unwashed, his cheeks smeared with tears and he surely reeks of alcohol. When Aiba slowly wraps his arms around the blanket, pulling his best friend into a hug and pats his head slightly, as if trying to cheer him up, Nino's heart bristles and he starts crying again. And just when the timing can’t be any better, he gets a little hiccup, which makes him want to cry even more.

"Masaki, what the fuck," he starts, whining between two hiccups, "... how?!"

"Idiot, did you forget? You gave me a spare key, years ago. I was just lucky enough not to be forced to use it so far but enough is enough," Aiba replies.

Nino buries his face at his best friend's shoulder. "Go home... I don't want company at the moment...," he says, even if he knows that his action and words are contradicting.

Aiba sighs heavily, tightening the embrace. "I told you to call me when you want to drink again! You're doing this whole thing completely wrong!"

"I am not aiming to become a drinking pro like you, so I don't care," Nino whines.

After a few seconds of silence, Aiba finally asks. "Nino, what happened?"

"Nothing," Nino shakes his head, stubbornly, still pressing it against Aiba's shoulder. "I saved my heart. Or I committed the worst mistake of my whole life. I still haven’t figure it out yet, but I will."

Then, the man loosens their hug and pushes Nino back slightly, to make him face him properly. "Nino, what did you do?"

Nino averts his eyes before he replies. "I broke up with Sakurai."

"But why? Didn't you tell me you love him?" Aiba looks at him, worried. "That he's the love of your life and you finally found him?"

"I said that, true," Nino murmurs.

"So what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Nino, look at me and stop lying," Aiba says after a deep sigh. "What happened? Did he hurt you? Did he cheat on you?"

"No... no, nothing like that," Nino shakes his head.

"What is it then?" the other digs deeper, not giving up but Nino remains silent.

"It's because of his daughter," he finally blurts out, causing Aiba to frown in confusion.

"Eh? What's with his daughter?"

"She got the offer for a scholarship at a music school in Vienna..."

"Really? Wow, that's a big thing!" Aiba gasps. "But... I don't get what this has to do with you and Sakurai?"

"You don't get it?" Nino frowns at him.

"No? Sorry, maybe I'm stupid so come on and tell me, already!"

"He... he may leave me...," the young teacher spits out, earning a puzzled look from his best friend.

"What? Why should he?"

"If she accepts the offer... if he allows her to accept the offer... he may leave me and... and oh gosh... I'm a horrible teacher and boyfriend of her father when I feel so bad about this, really...," tears are welling up again and Nino presses his hand before his lips to suppress a desperate sob. He feels like shit.

"Nino, I still can't follow your thoughts. Can you be a bit more precise maybe?"

Nino sighs, frustrated. Why can’t he get it?! "Isn't it logical?! If she accepts the offer and goes to Vienna, I'm convinced there's no way that he won't accompany her."

"Did he say he'd go with her?" Aiba asks, calmly.

Nino shakes his head. "He didn't but... those two only have each other... I don't think they will separate... he'll rather go with her and leave me here behind..."

"Ok, wait," Aiba finally interrupts his best friend's whining. "Let me get this straight. You broke up with the love of your life because you assume that in case his daughter accepts a scholarship for a foreign country, he maybe decides to go with her and will possibly break up with you?"

"… Pretty much that, yes."

"Do you know how stupid this sounds? Nothing is decided yet and you already assume the worst!"

Nino stares at his best friend, looking dumbfounded. "But... but, it's the logical solution for this situation! The only logical solution..."

"Maybe he won't go with her. Or he won't break up with you and you can have a long-distance relationship," Aiba points out.

"Bullshit," Nino shakes his head. It's impossible, how naïve can his friend be? "Why should he want to have a long-distance relationship with me for what, more than three years? He'll rather break up with me and find another guy there..."

"Do you think that because that’s what Jun did?"

"Eh?" Nino freezes.

"You told me, Jun broke up with you because next year he's going to the US for a new job, right?" Aiba sums up.

"Right...," Nino murmurs.

Aiba sighs. "Oh Nino... you're probably more traumatized by that than you thought..."

"What do you mean?" the teacher frowns.

"You unconsciously transferred what happened with Jun to your current situation and now you are scared like hell that just because Jun decided against your relationship and for leaving the country, that Sakurai will do the same."

Maybe... maybe Aiba is right, Nino thinks. But still. "It's the logical solution... because of Satsuki..."

"Still, he hasn’t even decide yet, so you cannot know. You're foretelling a decision that's not made yet!" Aiba lectures him in a loud voice and it's seldom that he does this so the surprise alone is enough to make Nino's eyes glued to his friend. "That's bullshit and unfair towards Sakurai. You didn't even give him the chance to solve the situation differently. You just ran away and are now hiding from a possibility, because you don't want to get hurt!"

Nino doesn't react but it hits him heavily. He knows that his best friend is right.

"Now look," Aiba continues, his voice sounding less strict again. "You're back at the beginning, getting drunk because of a guy..."

"Because it's impossible...," Nino murmurs. He still refuses to allow his heart to hope.

"Nino, you're worse than after the break-up with Jun!" Aiba sighs and when he sees his friend spilling more tears, he hugs him again to comfort him. Brushing his hair, soothingly, he whispers into Nino's ear. "If you love Sakurai so much that you're pushing yourself to such extremes, I think nothing is impossible. Talk to him again. Maybe it's not be too late yet. You want this to work out, don't you?"

Aiba is right, Nino thinks and nods slowly into his friend's embrace, he's right, if it's possible, he wants to fix things. But he's scared, he's still scared, and he feels bad from all the crying and all the alcohol and now he's just so freaking tired, having not slept properly for days. How can he face Sakurai like that? The other will be disgusted, probably, he won't even consider taking him back if he asks him...

"Come up now, you need a bath and something else to drink than this cheap whiskey," Aiba chuckles, spotting the brand of the bottle standing on the low table. "Go to the bathroom and I'll clean up here a little."

"Thank you, Masaki," Nino smiles and pulls himself together to stand up and follow his friend's advice. Taking a nice bath will be a good first step, to get him clean and help him to sort through his thoughts, that's true.

"Take your time," Aiba smiles and starts to pick up some trash.

Nino walks to his bedroom to choose some fresh clothes and enters the bath, leaving his friend behind, grateful for his help. He doesn't realize though, that Aiba picks up Nino's cell phone from the couch and starts browsing through the address book before he dials a number.

TBC


Part 10