fic for inaudible_d (2/2)

[nino-mod.livejournal.com]

For: inaudible_d
From: koi_choshi

Part 1


***

“Sweden.”

“Oh,” Nino replied. He was standing in front of the dining room table, trying to sort his messy pile of music sheets.

“Kazu.”

Nino stopped fiddling with the papers and quietly looked up at Aiba through his red-rimmed glasses. He did not notice the music sheet wrinkling in his tight grip.

Aiba sensed what Nino was thinking “I did not say I’m going to accept it,” he hastily said, looking away.

“What?” Nino looked puzzled. “This is your chance!” He looked back at his music sheets but his concentration was gone. His vision was getting blurry as tears stung the corners of his eyes.

Aiba walked towards Nino and turn him around to face him. “Kazu, are you okay?”

Nino bit his lip, hesitating. He knew that if he speaks up, he might not be able to hold back his emotions.

“Kazu, please.”

Nino took a deep breath and said, “I really hate that feeling of being away from you, you know that?”

“Kazu.  Kazu, I-” Aiba started. He studied Nino’s face, shocked how the man looked forlorn. “Were you- were you lonely without me?” he asked. Nino remained quiet. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Aiba added.

Nino balled his hands into fists. “I didn’t want to make you worry, okay?” he yelled, making Aiba flinch. “I don’t want to be stupidly dependent on you!” He turned around to avoid looking at the hurt on Aiba’s face. “I don’t want to be a burden to you. It’s selfish.”

Before Aiba could reply, Nino pushed him away and stormed out of the house. “Kazu!” Aiba called after him. It was raining hard outside with occasional thunder and lightning.

Nino just ran away. He could not bear the thought of Aiba being miles and miles away from him. He would be too miserable.

Nino hugged his knees. He was stuck under the awning of a closed restaurant. He wanted to cry but he thought it was childish. But he definitely could not return home to see Aiba.

“Stupid Aiba-shi. Of course I can’t tell you that I’m lonely!” he murmured. “I’ll just hold you down,” he thought, looking at the ripples the rain created on the puddles.

Nino took a deep breath. He was as wet as a stray cat and looked just as pitiful. “No wonder Aiba always runs home to me in the middle of his work. I feel so weak.” He shivered and touched his neck. Then he remembered that he was not wearing his favorite scarf.

Nino felt helpless and he hated it. It was Aiba’s praise that sparked his dying motivation. It was Aiba who gave him inspiration to write his songs. And everytime he felt lost, it was Aiba who led him back to the right track.

Nino knew very well that Aiba wanted to go to Sweden and do that stupid photography project. He knew that his being emotional could actually stop Aiba. He did not want his beloved to leave but he also did not want to pull him down.

“Kazu.” Nino heard a familiar voice through the heavy rain. Aiba leaned down in front of him, trying to keep him dry by handing him an open umbrella even though it was useless.

“Aiba-shi,” Nino said, looking up at Aiba’s worried eyes.

“Let’s go home.”

Nino stood up and embraced Aiba, crying on his chest.

“Kazu, please don’t cry,” Aiba said with a slight chuckle. He raised the umbrella up for the both of them. “Let’s go back, okay? I’ll make some hot chocolate for you.”

“What am I? A kid?” Nino snapped, his voice muffled as his face was still against Aiba’s jacket. The photographer laughed.

“Yes, you are acting like one right now,” Aiba replied with a smile as he wiped Nino’s tears.

They returned home, leaving their wet shoes by the door. Aiba rushed towards his bedroom, the same way that he did when he first brought Nino to his house. When he returned to hand over the towels, Nino grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a wet, sloppy kiss. The coldness of the rain disappeared as they felt each other’s warmth

They both sat side by side on the couch, enjoying the comfortable warmth and silence coupled with the sound of the rain. Nino had finished his hot chocolate and he felt warm snuggled beside Aiba, his right arm around Nino.

Nino’s eyes were already closed and he was on the verge of falling asleep when he heard Aiba say quietly, “You’re not a burden. You never were.” He tried to hide his smile when Aiba started to stroke his black hair affectionately. “Kazu, your songs inspired me to do all of these. Don’t think that you’re being too dependent on me because I, too, need you.”

Nino finally fell asleep as Aiba placed the large green-and-yellow scarf around their bare necks for extra warmth. Nino wished that they could stay like that forever. But there was still the reality that Aiba would have to leave him.

A few days later, Nino decided to move out and stay in the employee dormitories of the hotel where he was working. Nino wanted to get used to this kind of arrangement as early as possible and staying in Aiba’s house would make Nino miss him more. Aiba seemed devastated about his decision but Nino was glad that Aiba respected his wish.

Nino heard his phone ring a dozen times. He also received a lot of messages. He ignored them all. His forehead was resting on the top of his piano as he nonsensically pressed random keys. That was the day of Aiba’s departure to Sweden and he would be staying there for six months… or more if the project manager is pleased with his work.

Nino could not bear to see Aiba go and he probably knew about that; Aiba always leaves at dawn while Nino’s asleep so there was no need for face-to-face goodbyes.

But this one was different. This was another country and the length of time was long. Too long.

“Ninomiya-san.” A voice interrupted his piano playing at the lounge.

A suit-clad executive stood before him.

“Ah, Ohno-san,” Nino acknowledged.

The president sat beside him and looked at the piano keys. “You know, I have never imagined myself playing this piano.”

“Oh,” Nino replied.

“Anyway, it’s already late,” Ohno said, “and no one will bother to come here at this time in the evening.”

“Ohno-san, can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“Are dreams and ambitions really that important?” Nino started playing some random notes. “Can you actually imagine leaving someone for your dream?”

The president looked mildly surprised with the question. But then his features softened and he started talking. “I don’t think we really leave the important people in our lives for our dreams.” He gave a small smile. “If a loved one goes away in pursuit of his dreams, I think you should be proud, even.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Well, my father was not really happy when I told him that I would leave the company to go to Europe and pursue art,” Ohno said, pressing a key playfully. “He was the only one who was not at the airport to see me off.” He looked at Nino. “But I was really glad, you know?”

“What? Why?”

“Because he called me and told me that it’s alright for me to go my own way.” Ohno tilted his head to the side. “He told me he was proud of me because I finally stopped worrying about him. I guess I left with a lighter feeling because of what he said.”

Nino found himself running faster than any other moment in his life. He did not care that his legs were already aching as he ran towards Aiba’s rustic house. He clutched his knees, trying to catch his breath. However, he found himself looking at a deserted home.

Nino entered the gate and looked at the plants; without someone taking care of them, they might wither. He tried to open the door but it was locked.

Nino looked at the potted sunflower on the windowsill and saw a glint of silver. He immediately went towards it and grabbed the spare key that Aiba always left for Nino. He inserted the key to the slot and entered the house.

He looked around, trying to get used to the silence. Nothing was taken away; it was as if Aiba was really expecting him to go here and to stay until the day he returns.

Nino’s eyes traveled to his photograph that Aiba took a long time ago. Underneath it, resting on the couch, was a package wrapped in brown paper. It had his name in front.

Nino ripped the brown paper off and saw a new canvassed photo: it was another one of himself holding the glowing sparkler while he danced under the rain. He touched the photo and looked at it with fascination. It was very much alive, like how Aiba did his photography. It brought him back to that special moment that they shared, their laughter, their playful touches, and their fluttering kisses.

Nino’s tears started to stream down his face. He approached the other photo that was still hanging on the wall, the photo of him singing.

“You glow when you sing… like a burning fire…”

He touched the outline of the photo, amazed at how Aiba captured the movement and the passion that he showed in that performance. No one paid attention to Nino, except for Aiba, who gave him the scarf. He was the person who always supported him and cheered him up. And now, even though he had left, he still thought of Nino.

He wiped his tears. He immediately took his phone and called Aiba, praying that he would still answer.

“Nino?”

“You can stop worrying about me, Aiba-shi.”

“What do you-?”

“Aiba-shi, I’ll be waiting for you to come back. And I’ll be the fire that you wish me to be.”

***

He could not deny his fascination towards the musician in the park. He never attempted to approach him after the man packed up his guitar; Aiba had no guts to do that. He would just watch from afar, take some nice photos while the man was singing, and go home.

It was a cold winter day when Aiba decided to approach the singer and just ask him about his name and maybe give a few praises.

Aiba approached the man after his performance. The man was coughing and sneezing as he was packing his guitar. He leaned down and tapped the musician’s shoulder.

He was loss for words when the young musician looked up to face him. Rectangular glasses were framing his small brown eyes. His skin was pale, but not really sickly. He had a small cute nose and a mole on his chin. He could be mistaken for a high school boy. Aiba thought the guy was really cute.

“Excuse me?” the musician asked. Aiba could tell that he sounded annoyed.

Aiba was grateful that he had put on a mask earlier to cover his slackened mouth. He was just in awed of the man.

“Are you going to speak or what?” the musician asked, standing up and facing Aiba.

“I- well, I just want to say that-” Aiba was about to speak when the musician covered his mouth and started sneezing and coughing. “Wait, are you okay?”

The pale young man nodded but he still continued sneezing, causing his shoulders to rise up involuntarily. “I’m good.” He sounded hoarse.

Aiba removed his large scarf and carefully placed it around the musician’s neck. “Here. It will keep you warm,” he said. He tied it properly so that it would fit nicely around the musician’s neck and then smiled when he was satisfied with his work.

The man just looked at him with a baffled expression.

“I really liked your voice so you have to take care of it especially in a cold season like this,” Aiba said in a small voice, his embarrassment increasing as he felt the musician’s eyes boring into him. “T-take care, okay?” He hastily waved and ran towards the train station to avoid the cold and the man.

Aiba just wanted to melt at that spot when the musician entered the train. He looked at Aiba’s way, giving a small smile that actually looked like a smirk, then proceeded to the far end of the coach, putting his guitar down.

Aiba watched silently as the musician adjusted the green-and-yellow scarf on his neck.

Aiba remembered how he stupidly promised himself that he would do his best so that Nino would be inspired to write songs again. Each day, Aiba wondered if he had done enough to help Nino. As he started playing the audio file Sho sent him, Aiba smiled.

“It seems like he did it, huh?” Aiba muttered as he looked at his phone.

Aiba looked up. The train was barely occupied but the photographer’s eyes landed on the guy sitting a few rows in front with his back facing Aiba. A large guitar case sat next to the man. Aiba was still listening to the song that Nino composed and it made Aiba remember Nino.

“We are now at Hässelby Gård Metro Station…”

“Thanks, Sho-chan,” Aiba sent a message to Sho, who gave him the wonderful news about Nino’s song, before he hastily carried his large camera bag and got off the train.

Aiba was still absentmindedly humming the song from his player that when he stepped off the station exit, he gasped in realization as he felt sprinkling of water and a gust of cold air hit his face.

“I forgot my umbrella,” he muttered under his breath. He had no choice but to brave the rain that would possibly pour harder if he waited for a few more minutes. Aiba placed the camera bag inside his jacket, took a deep breath, and started running through the cold rain.

Unfortunately, the rain fell harder, leaving him no choice but to seek shelter under the small awning of a nearby apartment. Aiba shivered; his jacket was not enough to protect him from the cold and his socks were definitely wet inside his shoes, multiplying the awful feeling.

“Well, aren’t you stupid, Aiba-shi?” He heard a voice half-shouting in the rain. It confused Aiba because the speaker spoke in Japanese and no one called him Aiba-shi except …

“Kazu?” he exclaimed, looking to his side. Nino was smiling at him, holding up a large green umbrella, Aiba’s own umbrella. There was something different about Nino and Aiba was trying to figure out what that change was.

“Hold this,” Nino said, handing the large umbrella to Aiba. Nino removed his scarf, the one that Aiba gave him years ago, and placed it around Aiba’s neck. “This really won’t help because you’re already wet from the rain but we can try,” Nino grumbled as he carelessly looped it around Aiba’s long neck.

“Kazu, what are you doing here?” Aiba asked stupidly. Nothing really made sense. He was a continent away from Japan.

Nino smirked at him and shrugged. “Well, President Ohno asked me if I wanted to try my luck here.” He looked at the sky dreamily. “Sweden is a good place to make music, they say.”

Aiba finally saw it. It was as if he had returned to that day when he first saw Nino playing the guitar in the park with a smile, not minding the rain falling on him, burning with passion like fire in the middle of the rain.

Without another word, he grabbed Nino’s wrist, making the musician let go of the umbrella and embraced him tight. “I’m so sorry, I left, Kazu,” he breathed out, feeling guilty.

“No, you don’t have to be.”

“I really missed you so much,” Aiba said, holding Nino as if he would fade away if he lets go.

He could hear Nino chuckling. “I know, I know, it’s really obvious.” Aiba could hear Nino’s heavy breathing, and erratic heartbeat. “Aiba-shi, I missed you too.”

Aiba broke the hug so that he could look at Nino’s face. He just stared at Nino, memorizing every feature of the man he sorely missed.

“Stop staring at me like I’m some museum exhibit,” Nino said, waving a hand in front of Aiba so that he could come back to his senses.

Aiba’s lips curved up to a smile. “Well, you remind me of that young man in my favorite photograph,” he said as he looked afar, recalling that scene. “He’s like a burning fire under the rain.”

“A fire, huh?”

“Yeah.” Aiba shook his head with a bitter smile. “And I understand it perfectly now. A fire that can still glow under the rain doesn’t need anyone,” Aiba said. It left a bad feeling when he uttered those words.

Aiba looked at the changes: Nino’s stance, the way he spoke, and the brightness in his eyes. Nino was already full of confidence and contentment. “He doesn’t need me anymore,” Aiba thought sadly.

He almost gasped in surprise when Nino latched on him. “No, Aiba-shi,” Nino replied, shaking his head like a cute child. He pulled the scarf down so that he could reach Aiba’s face, kissing him earnestly and conveying a very important message. After recovering from that initial shock, Aiba responded to the kiss, showing Nino how much he longed for him. Both were unmindful to the coldness of the rain.

The two caught their breaths, their foreheads touching, after the long kiss that almost certainly lasted for a couple of minutes. The rain was subsiding, and the sun was already peeking through the gray clouds. Aiba picked up the forgotten umbrella from the ground and held Nino’s hand, their fingers laced with each other. Nino squeezed Aiba’s hand and gazed at him with a gentle smile.

“I’m here because of your love.”