fic for inaudible_d (2/2)

[nino-mod.livejournal.com]

For: inaudible_d
From: akhikaru

Part 1


“Welcome to San Diego Zoo,” a young and good-looking man greeted them as soon as they passed the gates. Kazunari noticed how Satoshi sneaked an arm around Sho’s waist when the young man stared too much at Sho, who only giggled and continued walking. Satoshi continued glaring until the young man looked away.

“Papa doesn’t like when people look at him,” Jun whispered in Kazunari’s ears.

“It’s because papa is too good-looking,” Masaki shrugged.

“Which of them are you talking about?” Kazunari said.

“Sho papa,” Jun said. “He gets stares sometimes when we go out. And Satoshi papa hates it, so he glares at people.”

“Ah, I see…” Kazunari nodded. “Do you call both of them ‘papa’?”

“Of course, they’re both papas after all” Jun shrugged.

“And don’t they get confused?”

“Sometimes they do, so they both come to help us when we call,” Jun laughed.

“I told Jun-pon we should call Sho papa ‘mama’ instead, but he said Sho papa wouldn’t like it,” Masaki said. “I think he’s like a mama.”

“Me too…” Kazunari mumbled.

“See? Kazu thinks the same!” Masaki grinned. “Maybe we should call him mama from now on!”

“No!” Jun opposed strongly. “A papa is a papa, we can’t call him mama!”

“You’re boring,” Masaki said. “Hey, Kazu…?”

They found the other boy standing not far from there, his eyes fixed on a giraffe which towered right over him, separated only by a metal fence. It had been a long time since Kazunari saw a giraffe in real life. Those animals always fascinated him, with their brown spots and long limbs.

“Do you want to feed them?”

A young woman wearing a t-shirt with the zoo’s logo approached them from behind, making Kazunari jump. She laughed at his reaction and repeated the question, not knowing that the boy didn’t speak English.

“She just said…”

“No, Jun! I’ll tell him!” Masaki interrupted his brother. “She said… she said… umm…” The boy furrowed his eyebrows, racking his brains to find the translation of those words. “AH! I know! She asked if you want to give food to the giraffes!”

“That’s correct!” Jun patted the boy’s shoulders with a smile.

“So, do you want to?” Masaki grinned at Kazunari.

“Ah, umm…” he nodded.

“Okay!” Masaki winked at him –that was a weird wink, Kazunari thought– and turned towards the young woman. “My brother said he wants to feed it!” he told her, pulling Kazunari closer to him.

“He does?” she smiled. Kazunari just nodded, following the other boy’s motion. “Then come closer to the fence! I’ll get you guys some lettuce for the giraffes, wait a moment.”

It was confusing for him when she ran towards a booth, leaving them alone once again. “Where is she going?”

“Umm, I think she went for food… right, Jun?”

“She did,” Jun replied. “She will get us some lettuce for the giraffes.”

“I see,” Kazunari grinned.

“Ah, so that’s what she said, lettuce! I didn’t get that part,” Masaki pouted.

“His English isn’t that good yet,” Jun giggled.

“It’s not my fault! I’ve only been living here during a year, you know!”

“Just one year?” Kazunari frowned.

“Yup,” Masaki nodded. “Mama and I moved here last year to live with grandpa and grandma.”

“Eh? But…”

“Papa adopted him around Christmas last year,” Jun explained. “That’s when he came to live with us.”

“So you’re not really brothers?”

“Of course we’re brothers!” Jun snapped. “You don’t need to be born from the same parents to be brothers, right?” he said the last part to Masaki, who nodded at Kazunari, slinging an arm around Jun.

“We are brothers,” Masaki said. “I’m the oldest one, since I’ll be turning seven this year. Jun-pon will turn six tomorrow,” he said while tousling his brother’s hair.

“No, Masaki stop!” Jun laughed, swatting the boy’s hands away from him.

“You’re older than Jun, aren’t you? Papa said you turned six two months ago,” Masaki said.

“Yes, I’m a bit older, I guess,” Kazunari mumbled.

“That means I’m still the big brother even if you’re here, I like that!” Masaki said with a smug expression.

“And I’m still the younger one!” Jun grinned.

“What do you mean?” Kazunari tilted his head.

“That you’d be the middle child, silly,” Masaki rolled his eyes at him. “Ah, that girl is back! Let’s go feed the giraffes!”

There wasn’t time to object or make any question when he was pulled by both boys towards the fence, Masaki gripping his left arm and Jun holding his right hand. They took the lettuce from the zookeeper’s hands and raised their hands as indicated. A huge giraffe leaned in, taking the food with its long tongue. Kazunari laughed, because the sensation was a bit ticklish. The animal just walked away when they ran out of food.

“So?” the other two boys stared at him, eyes and smiles wide and expectant.

“That was fun!” he said.

The two brothers exchanged a glance and nodded before pulling him again. “Let’s go to the pandas now!” Masaki declared.

“Shouldn’t we wait for your parents?”

“They’re right there. See?” Jun pointed to a spot just a couple of meters behind them. Sho and Satoshi waved at them, both men carrying cameras in their hands. “Let’s go!”

Masaki dragged them during most of the way. He was running so fast that Kazunari could barely keep up. They only stopped when they reached the panda viewing area. Masaki slumped on the floor, his cheeks red due to the exercise. “Ah, I can’t breathe!” he whined, taking deep breaths.

“Are you okay?” Jun knelt next to him with a worried face.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Masaki laughed.

“Papa said you shouldn’t be running too much!” Jun folded his arms across his chest, puffing his cheeks. “You made me worry, idiot!”

“Sorry,” Masaki sat up smiling at his brother. “See? I just needed to rest a bit. The doctor said I’m okay now after all!”

“But…”

“What happened?” Kazunari asked, kneeling next to Masaki as well.

“Masaki was sick this year. He couldn’t breathe well, so papa took him to the doctor and he had to stay there for a long time,” Jun said. “They said he shouldn’t be running like this so soon, but he never listens!”

“I’m okay, Jun!” Masaki protested. “He’s just afraid that I’ll die and leave him alone,” he said between laughs.

“Don’t play with that!”

Masaki rolled his eyes at his younger brother and hugged him. “Aww, don’t worry! I’ll be here to annoy you forever!”

“You’d better,” Jun grumbled.

The brothers’ antics made Kazunari chuckle. He clasped a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, since he didn’t want to get caught. He didn’t have siblings of his own, so he didn’t really understand how things were supposed to work in that situation. Teasing each other, laughing together, worrying when the other wasn’t well, playing and sharing time together… that seemed to be the things brothers did. With all the days he had spent by himself since he was taken from home, he sure wished he could have someone who did those things with him.

“Stand up! If you stay there, you won’t see a thing!” Masaki’s voice brought him back to reality.

“C-Coming!” he replied, feeling a bit embarrassed for spacing out in front of the other boys. His face turned bright pink as he slowly approached them.

“Over there!” Jun pointed excitedly at a tree. A panda cub was running happily towards his mother, who just chewed on a piece of bamboo quietly. “They’re so cute!”

“Mickey C. from my class said that pandas could eat you in five seconds if they weren’t in a zoo,” Masaki commented.

“That’s not true! Pandas are nice!” Jun rebutted.

“Yeah, but have you seen their claws? They’re bears after all!” Masaki continued. “What do you think, Kazu?”

“Umm… I think… I think they wouldn’t attack people…” he mumbled. “But they could if someone hurt them…”

His answer didn’t seem to please either brother, so both boys stared at him as if expecting he’d take a side in the discussion. Fortunately, Sho and Satoshi showed up right in that moment.

“We’ve been looking for you!” Sho complained, his lips forming a pout. “Why did you run without telling us where you were heading?”

“We wanted to show him the pandas,” Masaki replied.

“There’s a cub over there, see?” Jun grinned and showed him the little panda.

Sho narrowed his eyes, ready to tell them off, when Kazunari tapped Jun’s shoulder and showed him another cub that was lying not far from the mother. The boys giggled and talked excitedly to each other, making Sho forget what he was about to say. Satoshi put an arm around his shoulder and smiled at him.

“Now where should we go?” Kazunari asked. His expression was so different from the usual, with his happy and bright eyes, as well as a smile on his face.

“Tigers,”

“Cheetahs,”

Masaki and Jun glared at each other for a few seconds, and then turned towards Kazunari demanding for him to choose. “I like tigers better than cheetahs…” he mumbled.

“Yes!” Jun celebrated.

“Alright, we’ll go to see the tigers first…” Masaki sighed in defeat. “But I’ll choose the next one!”

They skipped away happily, followed closely by the two adults who continued snapping pictures when they weren’t looking.

-----------------

It took them some hours to finish watching all the animals. Sho told them they’d be having a picnic in the park, so the three boys and Satoshi rushed in that direction right away. Kazunari got tired almost instantly though and stayed behind to walk next to Sho.

“What’s wrong?”

“They’re too fast!” the boy complained. “I don’t like running.”

“I don’t like running too much either,” Sho chuckled. “Those three are always running when we go to the park. I think that’s Masaki’s influence. That boy has too much energy, and those two can’t help but follow along…”

“Jun said Masaki started living with you last year.”

“It’s true. Satoshi met him at a hospital that time…” Sho’s expression changed as he started his narration. “He had broken his arm one day a when friend of his invited him to go fishing in a yacht. It seems he fell off from somewhere. He didn’t tell me much… I think it’s because I would have scolded him for it.”

“Papa, we found it!” Jun yelled at them from the distance. “We found it!”

“We’re coming!” Sho replied. They continued walking in the same pace anyway. “So, umm… what was I saying?”

“That you wanted to scold Satoshi-jiisan,” Kazunari reminded him.

“Ah, right,” Sho laughed. “Well, when they took him to the hospital, he met a little boy in the Emergency Room.”

“Masaki,”

“Exactly,” Sho nodded. “He had fallen off a tree. His grandparents were really worried, but he kept smiling as if nothing happened. He told Satoshi that day that his mom always said that when you smile, good things will come, and therefore he had to continue smiling. Satoshi was astonished when he heard it.”

“Umm…”

“After that day, Satoshi visited him again sometimes, since the doctor said they needed to check his injuries. Masaki was hospitalized, because his leg fracture was pretty serious and he also hit his head. He fell nearly five meters, you know! Satoshi always tried to distract him when he went there. His grandparents couldn’t be there during most of the day, and he didn’t know English at all.”

“Just like me…” Kazunari mumbled to himself.

“Satoshi and I taught him some words. He always tried to talk with the nurses, but they wouldn’t understand a thing,” Sho laughed. “But… his grandparents seemed worried all the time. It turned out that they had money problems. They couldn’t sustain Masaki anymore.”

“But… his mama…”

“His mama left him under their care and disappeared,” Sho sighed. “No one knows her whereabouts. She was a single mother, so they didn’t have anyone else to help them. That’s why we took charge of him. It was Satoshi’s idea. I was very surprised, you know. He… he used to say that he didn’t want to have children. I think Jun and Masaki really changed him.”

Kazunari observed Satoshi carefully. He was laughing and playing with the boys around the tree, looking like he was the happiest man in the world. If there was ever a time he didn’t want to be a parent, it was definitely way behind. The three stopped playing once he and Sho arrived. Jun pulled Sho’s hand and took him to a spot under the tree.

“It’s here! It was here, right?” he was practically jumping up and down in joy, like he had just found the location of a treasure from a map –if he did, he’d better share it with everyone, Kazunari thought.

“It was…” Sho knelt on the grass and sighed. “This is where we met…” he put his arms around the boy.

“Can we have the picnic here?”

“Of course, dear, of course…”

No one mentioned what exactly happened in that tree, and Kazunari decided not to ask for the moment. They extended a blanket on the grass and made themselves comfortable while Sho took out the food from the basket.

“Did you buy the sandwiches we liked the other time?” Masaki asked.

“Nope,” Sho shook his head in response, “I cooked.”

The two boys’ faces went pale, Kazunari noted. Satoshi burst in laughter, holding his stomach after a while. Sho raised his head and glared at them. “What’s with those faces, you both? And you, why are you laughing?”

“N-Nothing…” the three of them replied in synchrony.

“It’s just that you usually don’t cook, since you’re so…”

“Bad at it,” Masaki completed Satoshi’s sentence.

“That’s so unfair, Masaki!” Sho pouted like a little child and ducked his face down. “I worked so hard this time!”

“Let’s taste it before saying anything, okay boys?” Satoshi proposed.

The look on everyone’s faces as they brought the food to their mouths was priceless, as if they were martyrs facing death. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Kazunari was very excited to taste Sho’s cooking, especially when the man said he worked very hard to make everything. He took a big bite of his sandwich, as big as his mouth allowed him.

“It’s delicious!” he said right away, and he meant it. He continued devouring it eagerly under Sho’s happy glance.

The other two boys decided to eat theirs, to check it for themselves. To their utter surprise, the food was just as Kazunari had said, delicious. Not even a crumble was left on their plates that day. Even Satoshi seemed taken aback. “Are you sure you didn’t buy this anywhere?”

“I didn’t!” Sho said in an offended tone. “I told you, I worked very hard!”

After resting during half an hour, Satoshi decided it was time to play some more. Kazunari decided to stay with Sho under the tree. The man patted the space next to him, inviting him to come closer. “Did you really like my food?”

“I did, it was very good!” Kazunari said sincerely.

“I don’t usually cook, but today was special since you were here,” Sho smiled. “It was also for Jun’s birthday, since we can’t really celebrate it tomorrow because it’s Monday. He said he wanted you to be here today no matter what and that he wanted to find this tree…”

“Why?”

“This is the place I met him. Actually, it’s the place where I found him…” Sho said. Kazunari snuggled closer, not wanting to miss any detail of the story. “I was on my way home when it happened. Satoshi was holding an exhibition in the museum near here, so I had to walk through this path to get to the parking lot. We… we had a fight that day…”

Kazunari guessed the fight was pretty serious because Sho became silent during some time. His face or the words he said when he resumed his tale didn’t reveal much about the nature of their fight though. If it was sad, then he didn’t need to know it, he decided. He was probably better off ignoring the details.

“It was raining, and I didn’t have an umbrella. I stopped for a while under this tree, since it’s really big. And that’s when I heard a baby crying. He wasn’t even wrapped in a blanket. He just had a plastic bag to cover him, as if he was garbage…” Sho bit his lip so hard that Kazunari thought it’d bleed. “I couldn’t leave him like that, so I brought him home. Satoshi almost got a heart attack when he saw me with a baby,” he chuckled bitterly. “It wasn’t easy to convince him of adopting Jun.”

“How did he accept?”

“Hmm… I don’t know…” Sho hummed. “One day I came home and he said he wanted to do it. I was so glad he did… I’m glad he stayed with us, that we became a family…”

“I think you’re a good family…” Kazunari mumbled. “I wish… I wish I had a family like yours…”

“There’s no need for wishing that…” Sho said, ruffling Kazunari’s hair. “You’re part of this family now, you know,” he paused when the boy didn’t react to the words. “Kazu… we are adopting you, how does that sound? You want to come and live with us?”

A verbal answer wasn’t necessary. Kazunari’s smile was more than enough.

-----------------

Parting that day wasn’t easy, not after knowing Sho, Satoshi, Masaki and Jun would become his new family. Kazunari wanted to go straight to his new home, but rules were rules and at 9pm they were in front of the orphanage.

Masaki wailed when Sho said his new brother couldn’t come home yet. He tried in vain to retain him using all his extremities. Jun just hugged him tight, entrusting his precious teddy bear to him. “Give it back to me the next time,” he said with a smile.

Satoshi and Sho walked him to the front door. The former just patted his head, while the latter kissed his forehead. “I’ll come back for you soon, I swear,” Sho said. Kazunari believed his words. He knew he wouldn’t have to wait for long.

The following two days went by too slowly. The kids still chanted that song about “Asian cooties” which he just ignored; the cook still gave him extra snacks when no one was seeing, winking at him before disappearing in the kitchen again; the gardener still tried to woo the blonde woman’s assistant, getting turned down every time; and the fat blonde woman still watched over him all day long. Kazunari just sat by the window holding Jun’s teddy bear, waiting for a familiar car to appear.

It was Wednesday morning when the fat blonde woman came into his room with teary eyes. “He’s here. Mr. Ohno has arrived.”

Ohno… That was his new family name. From that day on he was Ohno Kazunari, son of Ohno Satoshi and Sho, brother of Ohno Masaki and Jun. His life and memories as Ninomiya Kazunari would be a matter of the past, even if they’d continue having an important place in his heart. He picked up his belongings –just the toys he had received from Satoshi and Sho on his birthday and his drawing pad–, took a last look at the room he shared with a bunch of strangers until that day and closed the door. His new life was about to begin.

The fat blonde woman saw him off, giving him a last bear hug before guiding him to the door where his parents were supposed to be waiting… except that they weren’t there, at least not the two of them.

“Is it just you today?” he frowned when he noticed that only Satoshi was standing in the porch.

“Sorry, Sho couldn’t make it on time,” the man apologized. “Shall we go? A taxi is waiting for us.”

“Sure…” Kazunari mumbled.

It would have been a lie to say he wasn’t disappointed, for he hoped that his parents and brothers would be there, waiting with a smile for him to come out of that house. He imagined they’d all go together to a nice place, spend all day long playing before going home together to have dinner. Then they’d take a bath, maybe play in the water a little, get scolded by their parents for making a mess in the bathroom but then, when they forgot about it, they’d read a tale and get a good-night kiss as Sho and Satoshi covered them with a blanket. He wouldn’t admit he had such a fantasy though.

At least Satoshi was there and he was taking him home. He’d see the others later, when everyone was back in the house. Sho was probably at work saving people, he remembered, so he couldn’t blame him. He’d ask about it, thinking that a lawyer surely had some cool stories to tell. Meanwhile he could just paint something with Satoshi. It sounded like a good plan.

The taxi stopped in front of a two-story house in a nice neighborhood. The atmosphere was similar to the place where he used to live in Japan. “Do you like it here?” Satoshi asked. He nodded in response and let the man lead the way towards the front door.

It was dark inside; the entire place seemed to be empty. He put on a pair of slippers and walked towards the living room slowly, trying to memorize every detail of the place which would be his home from that day on. The sound of party poppers startled him, before the lights came back.

“WELCOME, KAZUNARI!”

Three figures emerged out of nowhere with happy faces. He stood in his spot watching them, not knowing whether to laugh, to cry, or to just run towards them in that moment. His two brothers reacted faster, catching him between their arms for what had to be the tightest hug in his entire life. He pushed them away yelling “I CAN’T BREATHE, YOU IDIOTS!” with a red face, both of embarrassment and lack of air. The two boys just laughed and hugged him again, this time giving him some breathing space.

“Doesn’t papa get a hug too?” Sho pouted behind them. Kazunari jumped to the man’s arms, enjoying when he was lifted and nestled against that warm chest. “Welcome home, dear.”

“I’m home,” Kazunari replied.

“So… are you hungry? I made my special curry today!” Sho grinned. Right next to them Masaki and Jun paled. They had done the same before, so Kazunari didn’t mind them. He waited in his sit for the food excitedly, wondering if it would taste as good as the last time. “Here it is!” Sho announced and put a plate in front of each boy.

“Eh, doesn’t it look… weird?” Kazunari commented. The color was darker than he remembered curry should be.

“It… it got a bit burned…” Sho admitted sheepishly. “I… I think it tastes good though…”

The four of them took their first mouthful with some wariness. Kazunari tried hard not to make a face, but the other three weren’t as discreet as him. Satoshi said “THIS IS BAD!” right away, followed by Masaki who cringed when the food was in contact with his tongue and Jun who spat it out in just a second.

“I get it, it’s really bad…” Sho sighed and took out his phone. “What should we order then?”

Everyone turned to look at Kazunari, waiting for him to choose. “Umm, hamburgers?” he mumbled, not knowing whether they liked that kind of food as well.

“Got it,” Sho nodded and dialed the number.

They ate the most gigantic hamburgers Kazunari had seen in his life that day. He could barely finish his and declined having dessert afterwards. It was delicious though, more than any other hamburgers in the world. Masaki and Jun pulled him from his seat right after he finished, saying it was time to see their room.

“Whoa! This is our room?”

“YES!” the other two replied.

What waited for him behind that door looked like the definition of paradise for any child of his age. There were three beds, of course, as well as three little desks lined up in the opposite corner. But the area in between was filled with cushions, toys, and a huge TV with tons of game consoles. Sho had given him a portable one for his birthday, and he loved it more than life itself, but playing in such a big screen had to be much cooler.

“Want to play Mario? I got the latest one!” Masaki grinned, handing him a controller.

“Sure!” he slumped on one of the cushions next to his brother. Jun sat at the other side, saying he’d just watch because he didn’t like video games that much. After a while they got bored and abandoned the game just on time to take their bath. Masaki whispered in his ear that they should team up and tease Jun, which he agreed to do, so they spent all the time throwing water in the younger’s face and laughing at his incessant whining when they hid his favorite rubber duck in a tall shelf.

“You guys are so mean!” Jun complained and stormed off the bathroom after they finished.

“Is it okay to do this?” Kazunari asked.

“Yeah, he never gets really angry for something like this,” Masaki assured him. “But don’t talk to him first. His punches aren’t soft.”

As Masaki said, Jun sulked for a while but then returned to his usual disposition. He demanded his teddy bear back though. Kazunari found his attitude funny, so he made a mental note to tease his younger brother again the next day. Nothing too mean, of course.

Sho and Satoshi showed up when it was bedtime. Satoshi was in charge of telling them a tale, but since he didn’t find a book to read to them, he just made a story on his own. Jun was asleep before he even ended, sucking his thumb and hugging his teddy bear. Masaki also fell asleep soon, his legs and arms stretched widely.

“Good night,” their parents said before closing the door and turning off the lights.

Kazunari was unable to sleep. The bed was certainly more comfortable than the one at the orphanage, but he just couldn’t keep his eyes closed. He turned and twisted until he gave up and came out of the room hugging a pillow. He marched straight to the door of the room across theirs, which Masaki told him was their parents’ room. It was slightly opened, so he just pushed it a bit.

He tilted his head to the side, not sure about what he was seeing. Sho was lying on the bed, legs wrapped around Satoshi’s waist as they licked each other’s lips –that was just gross, Kazunari shuddered. He was shirtless, and so was Satoshi, who was trying to pull Sho’s pants down. Were they playing wrestling? If so, they were doing it wrong! One never tugs at one’s friends’ clothes when wrestling! That’s cheating! He shook his head at them. Or maybe it was a different game? Whatever it was, it sure was weird.

“Papa…?”

They both jumped out of the bed when they noticed his presence looking very embarrassed. Of course, Kazunari thought. He had just caught them cheating during a game, that had to be a shame for any adult.

“K-Kazu… w-what are you doing out of bed, dear?” Sho hastily put on his t-shirt and crouched down in front of him.

“I can’t sleep…” he replied, lowering his eyes. “Jun is too noisy when he sleeps…”

“Is that so?” Sho laughed nervously. “Well… do you want to sleep here tonight?”

“EH! But Sho-chan…!” Satoshi protested behind him. He just huffed when his husband glared at him and told him to take a cold shower.

“Won’t papa get mad at me if I sleep here?” Kazunari mumbled.

“Of course he won’t,” Sho ruffled his hair with a smile.

“But…”

“Come here and make yourself comfortable,” Sho patted the space in the middle of the bed. “I’ll take care of that old man, okay? Just wait a moment.”

Kazunari jumped on the bed and did as he was told. He rested his head near Sho’s pillow. It smelled a bit like him, he smiled, and also a bit like Satoshi. The scent soothed him in no time, making him fall asleep before the two men came out of the bathroom some minutes later.

“Satoshi, stop it,” Sho giggled when his husband kissed his nape as they walked out of the bathroom. “You promised to behave when we finished our shower.”

“Fine…” Satoshi pouted. “Give me my good-night kiss?”

Sho rolled his eyes at him and pecked his puckered lips shortly. “Kazu could see us,” he whispered and walked towards the bed. The boy was already asleep, curled up in a little ball. “Isn’t he the cutest? Look at him, sleeping so peacefully…”

“Now our family is complete, right?” Satoshi smiled at him.

“Are you saying that because you don’t want me to adopt more children?” Sho narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“That’s because more children means less alone time for us!” Satoshi pouted, earning a punch on his arm. “But if it makes you happy, I’m happy. Besides, I love our kids. They’re the best!” he added.

They got under the covers right away, letting Kazunari sleep between them. During some time they just watched him sleep, until their eyelids were so heavy that they couldn’t keep their eyes opened.

The sun was up in the sky when Kazunari woke up to the unfamiliar sound of someone snoring next to him. He opened his eyes and found Sho with his mouth semi-opened and an arm around him. Satoshi was on the other side, his arm wrapping Sho’s waist. Kazunari giggled and snuggled under the covers again. Why waste a perfectly good morning getting out of bed when he could just stay there as long as he wants?