fic for wendyjoly

[nino-mod.livejournal.com]

For: wendyjoly
From: lover_youshould

Title: Go-Getter
Pairing/Focus: Sho/Nino
Rating: R
Warnings: N/A
Summary: Nino and Sho teach each other something about goals.
Notes: wendyjoly! I apologize that this isn't as porny as you were probably wishing for, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. ♥ Thank you, Beta-san!


After the announcement is made, Sho is the first to congratulate Ohno-san on his new promotion. It's odd to watch, Nino thinks, looking at the way their eyes meet in a sort of confused agreement, as if neither of them can really believe that their situations aren't reversed. "Congratulations, Ohno-san," Sho says, his smile just a little too wide, and then Nino loses sight of him as he disappears into the emerging crowd of coworkers all eager to offer praise to their new supervisor.

Nino is worried, but it's Aiba who finally nudges Nino's elbow and says, "Where'd he go?" He doesn't have to say who; they both know there's only one person Nino would be looking for.

He finds Sho in the copy room, where he's taking deep, practiced breaths, facing away from the door. He doesn't even seem to notice anyone in the room with him, so Nino knocks quietly on the doorframe, not wanting to startle him when he's already so worked up.

At the sound of Nino's knock, Sho whirls to face him. "Ah, Ninomiya-kun --" His face is flushed, and his eyes might be a little watery, or maybe it's just the fluorescent lighting. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I do work here."

Somehow, Sho's eyebrows manage to furrow even deeper. He glances around and grabs a random stack of papers, stacking them haphazardly. "I'm, um -- making copies. Busy. I'll be out in a minute."

Nino lets him pretend for a few moments, watching as Sho takes the papers to the copy machine and punches in a few buttons on the keypad. But when he drops his hands down onto the machine and hangs his head, unable to pretend any longer, Nino's heart twinges in sympathy. He steps into the room and closes the door behind him, about to reach out for Sho's shoulder but changing his mind at the last second. Instead, he crosses his arms and asks, "Are you okay?"

Where they're resting awkwardly atop the machine, Sho's hands clench into fists. "Just surprised," he croaks. "I didn't think -- I don't mean to imply that I deserve it more than Ohno-san, I'm sure he'll do great, I just..."

Nino offers, "You just wanted it more."

Sho's shoulders, still turned away, slump mournfully. "I wanted it so bad. I worked so hard --"

He stops suddenly, spinning around to look at Nino. He looks stricken, pale and wide-eyed, like he's mortified to find himself whining to another soul about this. He straightens up and clears his throat, then says, "Thank you for coming to check on me. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Nino waves it off. "Don't worry about it." When Sho continues to look distressed, Nino makes an impulsive decision. He says without really thinking of the consequences, "Why don't we go for drinks tonight, and we can talk it out? My treat."

Sho's eyes narrow again, but this time his expression is suspicious. "Your treat?"

This won't be the first time they'll have gone out for drinks, so Sho is already familiar with Nino's forgotten wallet routine. Their excursions have always been Nino's idea, because the painful truth is that Nino has had feelings for Sho since they first started working together, but he gave up on chasing those feelings a long time ago. Now, all he wants to do is offer Sho some comfort. He's even willing to shell out some of his own hard-earned money for it -- or at least put a little more effort than usual into pretending he will.

He flashes a smile and a salute Sho's way, and he says again, "My treat."

Sho still doesn't look convinced, but he accepts, and for that Nino is grateful.

.

After work, they meet up at the front of the building and take the train to a cozy izakaya near the halfway point between their homes -- Nino's favorite because the employees leave him alone and the prices are cheap. They order a round of beers and some appetizers to get them started, and from there it's easy enough to delve into harmless small talk: the changing weather, summer plans, how such-and-such relative is doing. An hour and three rounds of beer later, the conversation lulls. Nino finds himself picking at a skewer of grilled meat as Sho stares down into his drink with an expression that means he must be thinking about the lost promotion again.

"It's not that I don't like Ohno-san," he finally says. He sounds as if he's trying to convince Nino, or perhaps apologize for his outburst earlier that day. "I do like him, and if Matsumoto-san thinks he's the best person for the job, then I agree."

Nino stays quiet and waits for the But... that he knows is coming.

After a few tense sips of his drink, Sho delivers. "But... I've just been working so hard, you know? I've been trying to impress Matsumoto-san ever since he told us about the promotion, and he just turns around and gives it to Ohno because he has potential?" He sets down his beer and begins listing items off on his fingers: "I've never been late. I always finish my projects on time. I'm a good leader." He stops with a sigh and lowers his head down onto the table, just barely avoiding getting his hair in a dish of dipping sauce. "I'm sorry," he groans. "How embarrassing. I must sound so ungrateful."

"No, no, I understand." Nino pats Sho's shoulder, wanting to comfort him but not sure how to go about it. He does understand, intellectually, but he has no personal experience to compare it with. He's always been the type to take the path of least resistance, doing only what he needs to in order to get by, so he can only guess at the frustration of working so hard only to have his dreams snatched away by someone else.

He does, however, know what it feels like not to be able to reach out for the thing he wants.

Sho turns his head to look at Nino, his cheek squished against the table. "It's just," he mumbles. "I've always had this dream of rising quickly through the ranks, making it to the top, earning the respect and admiration of everyone below me. But now I'm working under Matsumoto-san, who's younger and less experienced and who got hired just because the president thought his resume showed promise, and here I can't even get a lousy promotion --"

Sho is just getting himself more and more worked up as he goes, so Nino does the only thing he can think of to pull him out of it: he reaches out to pat Sho's shoulder and says, "Get over it."

At first, Sho just stares at him. Then he sits up and laughs, but it sounds more incredulous than amused, like what Nino just said is painfully outrageous and laughing is the only thing Sho can do to keep from breaking down.

"I'm not saying you should give up on your dream," Nino says. "But the reality is you didn't get this promotion. You tried your best, and in the end our boss thought the job was better suited for someone else. Get over that. Move on. Make due with what you have." He takes a sip of his beer, and then, when Sho laughs some more, he says, "You think you're the only one unhappy in your position? I don't even want an office job."

Sho goes quiet very suddenly. "Really? What do you want to do, then?"

"Direct movies."

Sho's eyes grow impressively wide. "How artistic! How did you decide on that?"

Nino scoffs, giving a soft jab to Sho's arm with his elbow. "I didn't decide on it, obviously! It's just what I've always wanted, ever since I was a kid. But it's hard to get by just doing that, right? Unless you make it big, which I clearly haven't. So instead I work in an office and pretend that some day I'll finish the projects that have been waiting on my hard drive for years, because after sitting in a cubicle pushing papers all day, it's easier to just come home and play video games until it's time to sleep."

For a long moment, Sho says nothing, but he doesn't look away either. Finally, he says, "When you put it that way, it sounds sad."

Nino shrugs. "That's my point. We all have dreams, but sometimes you have to give up on them, either temporarily or permanently, so that you can deal with real life." He thinks but doesn't dare say, The way I gave up on chasing after you.

Sho hums in agreement, and after that they're both silent as they sip at their beers and nibble at their food. When there's just two skewers left between them, Sho asks quietly, "What do you think Ohno-san's dream is?"

Nino answers without thinking, "Art."

Sho laughs, completely tickled this time, before he realizes Nino is serious. "How do you know that?"

Nino counts the reasons on his fingers, mimicking Sho's list of complaints from earlier. "His shoes have paint splatters on them. There's always clay under his fingernails. He doodles during meetings. He has these little handmade figures in his cubicle. Sometimes he goes out to lunch and comes back with a shopping bag from the art supply store down the street."

For the first time that day, Sho is smiling hugely. "What a good eye for detail! As expected of Director-san!"

The praise, even as playful as it is, makes Nino feel light and happy inside, especially combined with the knowledge that he can make Sho smile even in a situation like this. He covers it up by muttering, "It's obvious if you'd just look."

Sho is still smiling as he picks up one of the remaining skewers and bites a hunk of meat off the end. "What about Aiba-san?" he asks around a mouthful of chicken. "What do you think he wants to be?"

"Probably the guy at the circus who sticks his head in the lion's mouth."

Sho is laughing openly now. "And Matsumoto-san?"

Nino waves his hand, laughing as well. "I can't even guess with him. He's probably never wanted to be anything other than an office manager."

Sho snorts very unbecomingly into his beer, then wheezes out, "Or maybe a drill sergeant."

Feeling bold, Nino says, "Or a professional dominant."

Sho nearly falls over laughing at that one. Nino's quick reflexes are the only thing that saves their beers from getting knocked over, and several other patrons turn to scowl at the noise. Nino smiles cordially and bows his head to them, apologizing repeatedly until Sho calms down enough to wipe the mirthful tears from his eyes.

Still chortling under his breath, Sho leans fully against Nino's shoulder and sighs, "Ah, Nino."

The sound of his name on Sho's lips makes Nino's face go red. He's been telling Sho to call him that for years, but this is the first time it's been anything other than Ninomiya-kun or, even worse, Ninomiya-san. He suddenly feels warm all over, and it's not just from Sho's body heat.

But the feeling fades along with the last notes of Sho's laughter, and in the stretch of silence, the look on Sho's face grows somber once again. He chews a bit more at his skewer before he finally says, almost too quiet for Nino to catch, "I've always wanted to go skydiving."

Nino tilts his head, remembering the supposed fear of heights Sho brings up at every opportunity. He asks, "Why haven't you?"

"Too scared," Sho says, still not looking up from his food. "I've always wanted to visit Hawaii, too -- but it's too expensive. It's important to save money, right? Who knows when you'll need it. And I've always wanted..." Now he looks up at Nino, his eyes a little wider than they were before. He stares for a minute, until Nino feels like shrinking away, and then Sho swallows thickly and says, just a bit too loud, "We should do all those things."

Nino blinks. "We?"

"Yeah -- tonight!"

"Tonight?" There's a long list of reasons they can't do any, let alone all, of those things right now, but Nino starts with the most obvious: "Sho-kun, we both have work in the morning."

"Nonsense! Let's do it all!" Sho is speaking now with wide, sweeping gestures, nearly spilling his drink yet again. "All the things that have been holding us back, we need to just get over them -- that's what you said, isn't it?"

"Ah, that's not quite what I meant --"

Undeterred, Sho reaches out to grasp Nino's hands in his, holding on tightly as he stares unblinking into Nino's eyes. "Nino, what have you always wanted to do?"

Startled by the name and the contact, Nino stutters helplessly. He almost says it -- Kiss you -- before clearing his throat and pulling himself together enough to deadpan, "I've always wanted to speedrun Mario without using any items."

This time when Sho laughs, there's something different, more genuine, about the way his eyes crinkle up at the corners. He pats Nino's hands, laughs some more, and says, "We can do that too."

He scarfs down the last piece of chicken, chugs his beer, and gets up to pay for everything. He doesn't even act out his part in their usual forgotten wallet routine; he knows the game by now. Nino feels thrown off by all of it and somehow bashful about being treated even after all the times he's weaseled his way out of paying his share, but he ignores the unfamiliar feeling of uneasiness in favor of gathering their belongings while Sho pays.

When they make their way outside, Sho skips halfway down the block and throws his arms skyward, stretching like he's just woken up. His cheeks and the tip of his nose are already starting to turn red from the cool air. "What should we do first?" he asks when Nino catches up to him.

"Well, we can't really go skydiving right now."

Sho nods.

"And going to Hawaii is out of the question too."

"Mm," Sho agrees. When Nino has nothing left to offer, he scratches the back of his head and hums thoughtfully, then says, "I've always wanted to stay out drinking so late that I have to take the last train home."

Nino finds that a little hard to believe. "You're thirty-three years old -- you've never taken the last train home?"

"Well, I have," Sho says, crossing his arms defensively. "But it's always been from working late."

Nino pulls out his cell phone to check the time: it's nearly midnight. "I think we can accomplish at least one thing on your list tonight."

He shows the time to Sho, who exclaims loudly and starts turning, trying to see through the haze of alcohol to remember which way they came. Finally, he recognizes the street that leads to the nearest train station, and he darts into a sprinting run, waving for Nino to follow. "We have to hurry!"

Nino wails after him, "Wait!" He hates running, especially with a stomach full of food and beer.

But Sho doesn't stop, just slows down enough to look at Nino over his shoulder and yell, "Come on! We'll miss the last train!"

Nino grumpily thinks to himself that they could just walk home and use less energy than it would take to run all the way to the station -- or, better yet, Sho could call them a taxi and they wouldn't have to spend much energy at all. But then he remembers the sound of his nickname said in Sho's voice, the feel of Sho's skin on his, the way his jokes made Sho's sad face light up in a smile, and he feels himself propelled forward as if by some force beyond his control.

Just this once, he can run after the thing he wants.

Sho makes it to the station first, Nino a few seconds behind. They stand there panting ridiculously as Sho looks through squinted eyes at the train schedules. He lives in a little suburb, and Nino knows without having to look that he's probably too late to make the last connection to his line. When Sho drops his head and huffs out a curse, Nino knows he's just figured it out too.

"Look," Nino pants, pointing to a different line that's just about to pull out of the station. "This one goes by my place. You can crash there."

Sho nods frantically. "I'll take it!"

They squeeze onto the train just before the doors snick closed behind them, and they try to find relatively comfortable spots between all the bleary-eyed tourists and fellow office workers who stayed out working or, like them, drinking. They don't talk during the ride, but Sho looks breathless and happy, smiling to himself without a care to how odd it must make him look. More than once, Nino catches himself smiling too.

.

They walk the few blocks from the station to Nino's apartment, huddling close and moving clumsily. They're starting to sober up, but they're still riding high on excitement -- Sho from his success, Nino from Sho's infectious happiness. "That's one thing I can cross off my list," Sho boasts, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of Nino's neighbors, but Nino doesn't care right now. He'll deal with them later.

If he had known he'd be bringing company over, he might have cleaned up a bit, but luckily there's nothing too incriminating lying out for Sho to see. The dirty clothes are all in his room, and the dirty dishes are plentiful but at least limited to the area in and around the sink. Sho doesn't comment on them either way, just beelines for Nino's couch and collapses onto it with a loud, content sigh. Nino suspects that the stress from this morning, the long work day, the late night out, and the run to and walk from the train station must all be catching up to Sho. "I'll go get you some blankets," he says.

From his spot on the couch, Sho calls after him, "Seriously, Nino, thank you for this."

When Nino emerges from the hallway with an armful of bedding, he grins over the stack and says, "It's no problem. Oh, and I found some pants for you to sleep in. I left them in the bathroom."

While Sho goes to change and wash up, Nino dumps the couch cushions onto the floor and lays out the bedding, making it neater than he would for anyone else. When Sho comes back, he's wearing only his undershirt and the red flannel pajama pants Nino set out for him, his slacks, dress shirt, and necktie all left in the bathroom. He flops onto the couch and gets comfortable, and Nino busies himself with neatly stacking the discarded cushions. He he doesn't really care about the cushions, but he doesn't want to leave yet either.

"Nino..."

Nino glances up to see Sho peeking at him from over the armrest. "Yes?"

"Do you still want to play Mario?"

Nino laughs quietly, feeling warm and fond. "No, it's okay."

A moment passes, and Sho says again, "Hey, Nino."

"Hm?"

There's no response this time, so Nino stands up straight and steps back over to the couch. Sho is stretched out along the length of it, and Nino has to fight very hard to keep his eyes trained on Sho's face instead of drifting downward. "You've been really helpful tonight," Sho says.

"It's, um -- it's no problem."

Sho flashes that same crinkly-eyed smile from the izakaya. "I just thought of one more thing you can help me cross off my list."

"I'd be happy to." Nino imagines -- but he doesn't dare hope. "What is it?"

Sho reaches up, hooks his fingers around the knot of Nino's necktie, and pulls him down into a kiss.

That first contact is more of a shock than anything else, a little awkward as they knock teeth, but they move past it quickly. Nino balances himself with one knee on the couch, he gets his hands on Sho's shoulders, and he shivers appreciatively when Sho's fingers run through his hair. When their tongues brush for the first time, Nino feels it like a jolt -- like all his fantasies have just come to life and it's better than anything he could have imagined on his own. He doesn't know where this is coming from, what could have possibly inspired Sho to do this, but he's not going to question it.

For a few blissful minutes, they do nothing but kiss. Nino isn't even sure who starts it, but eventually they work together to loosen his tie, finally pulling apart so they can pull it over his head, and then they tackle the complicated task of unbuttoning his shirt. After several failed attempts, he finally smacks Sho's hands away and undoes the buttons himself. He flings the shirt onto the floor and is about to pull his undershirt off too, but Sho grabs him by his wrists and yanks him back down into another kiss.

He kisses Nino hard, nips at his bottom lip to make Nino gasp, and tickles his fingertips up along Nino's sides, under the T-shirt. Nino holds his breath as Sho reaches just below his nipples, until Sho murmurs against his mouth, "Do you like...?" At the same time, he bends one of his legs to fit right between Nino's, giving him something to rub against.

Nino sees stars and gasps out the only thing he can think of: "Anything you want -- anything."

Sho closes his fingers around Nino's nipple, pinching gently, and Nino gives a helpless whine, rutting against Sho's leg.

Beneath him, Sho suddenly goes stock-still.

Nino leans back to look at Sho, only to find him already staring bback, wide-eyed. Sho is completely motionless, and then all in a rush, he jerks his hands away as if he's just been scalded.

"I -- sorry," he stutters.

Nino doesn't want to hear sorry. He's painfully turned on, and more than that, he's starting to worry. "Sho-kun?"

"Sorry," Sho says again. His voice is pitched higher than usual. "I think -- I think we should stop."

Nino's heart lurches in his chest. "Um -- okay, if you want --"

"Let's stop," Sho croaks, louder this time, so Nino scrambles off of him and stands there, feeling awkward and terrified, as Sho hastily grabs the sheet Nino had given him and pulls it up to his chin. His eyes are still ridiculously wide, and he looks almost like a child afraid of a monster under his bed. Nino would laugh if he weren't so concerned.

"Goodnight," Sho says, sounding at once both firm and regretful.

With shaking hands, Nino gathers his shirt and tie. He swallows the lump in his throat and says, "I'll see you in the morning?"

Sho has already turned away. He doesn't answer.

.

Nino gets his clothes ready for tomorrow, dutifully laying Sho's own clothes out on the bathroom counter as well, and then jerks off in the shower. It helps relieve some of the tension, but as he gets into bed and lies there fretting, he still feels frustrated and confused. He's not upset that Sho stopped -- if Sho didn't want to do it, Nino's glad he didn't continue -- but if Sho really didn't want to do it, why did he start at all? Was it just an experiment -- just some random urge fueled by alcohol and hormones, something to be regretted and forgotten come sunrise? Nino thinks back on everything they did that night, everything he told Sho. Even when faced with Sho's hope and desperation, the best Nino could offer was a shitty lesson about getting over it -- about moving on.

With nothing to distract him from his thoughts, Nino has no choice but to let them run wild. Why had he given up on Sho in the first place? It happened so long ago that he can barely even remember anymore. He's not sure when he threw away his dream of ever being with Sho, if it happened because of something Sho did or said, or if it was just something Nino decided for himself. Was it because wanting Sho was too much work -- because it was too frightening to think that Nino might put his heart on the line only to have it rejected?

If this is what that rejection feels like, Nino is glad he gave up all those years ago. He only wishes he'd been smart enough to remember that decision when he needed it most.

.

In the morning, Nino wakes up to discover that his couch cushions have been put back into place, that the sheets have all been folded up, that Sho is gone without so much as a note, and that he's already twenty minutes late to work. He skips breakfast and gets ready all in a rush, and for the second time in twelve hours, he runs to catch the train.

He remembers the way Sho was smiling to himself on their ride home last night, then bitterly pushes the thought out of his head. Sho probably won't be taking the last train home with him again any time soon.

At work, he's reprimanded halfheartedly by Ohno-san, who sounds more like an actor practicing lines for a stageplay than any kind of disciplinarian Nino's ever encountered, each of his sentences sounding as if it's being punctuated with a question mark. As Nino leaves Ohno-san's new office, he runs into Aiba, who gives him a quizzical look as they pass wordlessly in the hall. Nino is confused, but when he gets to his cubicle, it all becomes clear.

Sho is sitting in his chair waiting for him.

In an instant, Nino's whole body goes tense. He feels ambushed and unprepared, and it takes him a moment to find his voice. "Look," he finally mutters, "if you want to pretend none of that ever happened, that's fine --"

Sho cuts in before he can continue. "Ninomiya-san, will you please assist me with something in the copy room?"

The name nearly makes Nino flinch. He thinks this must be Sho's way of avoiding an embarrassing conversation in public, so he goes along with it, not daring to meet any of their coworkers' eyes as they make the trek across the floor to the copy room -- the place where, this time yesterday, Nino had been offering Sho comfort.

As soon as the door closes behind them, Sho launches into a painfully formal apology. "I'm very sorry for what happened between us last night," he says. "I know my actions were rash. I just wasn't thinking clearly."

That's all stuff Nino was expecting, but what surprises him is what comes next:

"I've been wanting to do that for so long, and drinking so much made it more difficult to control myself. Once again, I'm very sorry."

For a long, terse moment, Nino says nothing. Then he stutters, "I -- what?"

Sho's mouth closes into a thin, pinched line. He repeats, "I'm... sorry?"

"No, no -- before that -- you've been what?"

Now Sho looks angry, like he thinks Nino is asking him to repeat it in order to humiliate him. "I shouldn't have said anything at all -- I'm sorry --"

"Stop apologizing," Nino snaps. "I'm not asking you to be sorry. Just don't tell me you've been wanting to do that unless you really, really mean it, because I -- I've been wanting to do it for years."

Sho goes pale, his eyes opening comically wide. His voice drops down into a whisper: "Really?"

Nino nods.

Sho runs his hands through his hair. He's starting to breathe a little fast. "I was afraid you wouldn't want the same thing -- you've always been such a good friend to me and I didn't want to ruin that -- and then, last night -- I didn't want to take advantage of you after we'd been drinking --"

He looks so distressed that Nino doesn't dare laugh, but he's starting to feel a little giddy and amazed. "Sho-kun," he says, smiling despite himself. "I promise, you weren't taking advantage."

"So then, you... think of me the same way?"

Nino is practically laughing now, unable to hold back the emotions that have been building inside of him for years now that there's an opportunity to let them out into the open. He answers with an emphatic "Yes!"

Sho still doesn't quite look convinced. "And you might want to try it again?"

"Yes!"

"While we're both sober?"

"I'm telling you, yes!"

Sho's panicked look of fear is giving way to an equally panicked smile, but he still looks pinned in place, like he had a plan and doesn't know what to do now that it's changed. Nino wonders where his go-get-it attitude from last night has gone off to, and that's what finally makes him realize that maybe he's been following his own get-over-it advice for too long if this is what's been waiting for him this whole time. In the face of Sho's huge eyes, terrified and relieved all at once, Nino thinks that maybe it's time to stop depending on Sho to be the one who always pushes forward.

Maybe it's time to stop moving on from his dreams and jump in after them instead.

He's the one who asks, "Sho-kun, can I kiss you?", but once the words are out, Sho is quick to nod yes. They meet in the middle.

This kiss feels like all the things Nino has been wanting for years, even more than last night, because now his head is clear, his thoughts not weighed down or muddled by alcohol or happy confusion. Now he knows Sho's true feelings, and they match up so perfectly with his own.

When they part after a few moments, Nino says, "I meant it when I said I've been feeling this way for years."

Sho smiles. "Me too."

Nino hooks his fingers in the belt loops of Sho's slacks. "That's a lot of time for daydreaming. You know what I've always wanted to do?"

"Other than speedrun Mario with no items?"

Nino pulls Sho closer to whisper into his ear, "I've always wanted to blow you in this copy room."

He means it to be seductive, but Sho's sharp breath has him regretting it. It's still so sudden, and he's already seen what it looks like when Sho panics and backs out. He adds hastily, "If that's something you'd want -- when you're ready --"

But when he pulls back to see Sho's face, Sho is grinning, no sign of conflict anywhere in his expression. He kisses Nino again and says, "I'm definitely ready for some more adventure in my life. Besides..."

He untucks Nino's shirt from his belt, hiking it up so he can get his hands on the bare skin of Nino's waist, then higher.

"Every now and then you should get the things you want."