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ninoexchange2013-06-18 07:32 pm
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fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kamja
For: kamja
From:clipsie
Title: Tales From The Break Room
Pairing/Focus: Nino, mentions of A.B.C-Z, NEWS, KAT-TUN, V6, SMAP, KinKi Kids, TOKIO, other members of Arashi, Kanjani∞, Toma and Kis-My-Ft2.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of death, which, yes, there is a bit, but it’s fairy tales. There was no way around it, especially with the one I decided to use. No way!
Summary: Nino becomes a cop in a magical land during the weekends. He figures it’s just ridiculous enough to talk about…
Notes: This is pretty much intergrouped to death. Not sorry. I really hope you enjoy it and the ridiculousness inside.
Chapter One
Another Monday, another day at work making subs for the customers. Nino was actually ecstatic to be there.
He yawned.
See, ecstatic. He was particularly ecstatic because it was break time, and if there was anything Nino was, it was distracting on his break, with his body lying across the break table as he watched everything going on around them. He’d be happier if they were in the busier part of town, but they weren’t, and for some strange reason he was always allowed to take his break close to the shift change, as Koyama stayed out front to take care of the customers.
He yawned again, finding his vision thrown a little out of focus. Blinking, he was brought back to find Massu sitting across from him, drinking down some honey as he waited for his shift to start.
“Heeeeey,” Nino said, stretching out in the direction of Massu. “You should let me go home early.”
This only caused Massu to laugh.
Nino pouted a little, looking him dead in the eyes. “I have a second job, okay? I’m tired.”
Massu, surprised by this, just ended up asking, “Oh? What kind of job?”
“Well…”
---
You see, I’m actually a cop in Fairy Tale Land. Only on weekends, though. Fairy Tale Land has enough cops as it is. Especially lately, it’s an up and coming job. I just got through the training a few weeks ago. I didn’t actually realise it would be so much work, either! Too much work. This is totally Jun-kun’s fault.
Jun-kun and I ended up going on our first case this weekend. Jun-kun wouldn’t let me drive the carriage, though. It was pretty disappointing. His reasoning was that I hit someone when we were in training. He seems to forget he did too, but that’s beside the point.
We had to go settle a harassment dispute at the Charming’s castle. Seems Prince Taguchi Junnosuke and his husband, Princess Ueda Tatsuya, had been getting harassed by Princess Ueda’s stepfather and stepsiblings as of late.
We went to interview the royals first.
“So, tell us about the harassment you’ve been experiencing.” Jun-kun asked.
“Well, they keep trying to get an evil witch to cast a spell on us,” said the prince.
“But the evil witch won’t, since…” the princess cut in, unsure, “well, since the evil witch and I have a history.”
I couldn’t help asking, as I gave a curious glance, “What kind of history would you say you and this witch have?”
“Well, we used to catch butterflies together as children,” said the princess.
“And he helped us get together at the ball,” the prince added.
Jun-kun was recording all of this, like the diligent police officer he is, offering only a, “So, it’s not a romantic connection?”
“No! Not at all!” the prince and princess said in unison.
“I see,” I said as I nodded confidently, “so you’re filing this on behalf of yourself and the evil witch. What noble royalty.”
“We’re also filing it on Nakamaru-kun’s behalf,” said the princess.
“Nakamaru?” Jun-kun and I said together. Ahh, there was such random unison at this meeting, don’t you think? Anyway, Jun-kun continued that thought for me. “Isn’t that your stepbrother?”
The princess just smiled wide to this, laughing a bit. “Yeah, but he’s not a bad guy. He’s the only one who was nice to me, and he gets along with the evil witch really well.”
We ended up discussing the situation a bit more before going to see the stepfather and stepsiblings of the princess. When we were there, we interviewed them all at once to start.
“So, tell us about your relationship with your stepson,” Jun-kun said as he gestured to the stepfather, Kamenashi-san. “And in your cases, stepsibling,” he added, gesturing to Nakamaru-san and Koki-san.
“Also, tell us why you have different last names!” I interjected.
My last bit caused the three of them to laugh. See, I cause laughter there, unlike at this sub shop. I’m pretty cool, aren’t I? Anyway, again, to the story.
“We have different last names since I’ve been married three times now,” Kamenashi-san said calmly with a smile, well, I think it was a smile, it might have been a smirk, on his face.
I nodded to this fact, and Jun-kun continued writing. You should really see his reports. He’s so diligent, and it’s adorable, really.
“Also, our relationship is fine,” Kamenashi-san said emotionally, “or it would be if our dearest Tacchan didn’t cut us out of his life completely.” He said this while dabbing his eye with a handkerchief.
“We only want to be a part of his life!” Koki-san said.
There was a long pause after that, with Nakamaru-san not saying anything, and the other two slowly swinging around to look at him, shocked.
Nakamaru-san ended up shrugging and saying a bit timidly, maybe, there was stuttering, “I’m still part of his life.”
Jun-kun just nodded to that and signalled my turn.
“I’m terribly sorry to inform you two,” I said, specifically to Kamenashi-san and Koki-san, “that there has been a restraining order placed against you two. You’re not to go near the castle via magic or any other way that takes you within the fence. As well, you are to stay one block away from the royal couple if you see them in the street.”
Ahh, their surprised faces were rather priceless, and Nakamaru-san just ended up laughing at them for a bit.
Right after that, we bid them goodbye and wished Nakamaru-san luck. We hope he’ll get out at some point.
---
Massu sat there, once Nino was done his story, finishing off the honey he’d brought. He started laughing in the end, unsure of how to really react.
The laughter ended up making Nino feel a bit awkward, so he said, “Oh, I think Koyama-kun is calling. See you when you start!” and he scampered off.
Chapter Two
The following Monday, Nino was once again on his break at the time of shift change. This time, he was working with Massu, who he left in charge of the store so he could relax.
He ended up perking up when Okada came in. He wanted to complain about his weekend again, since weekends are just so hard.
When Okada sat down, Nino stretched and sat up. He had decided it was a more professional approach to telling a story.
“So, Okada-kun, did I tell you about my weekend job?” he asked.
Okada just laughed at this. “No, you haven’t, but Masuda-kun mentioned it in passing the one time I worked with him last week.”
“Ahhh, you two finally talked! How rare!” Nino exclaimed at him. “Did you share a sub? Are you still hiding from us when you see us on the street?”
Okada stammered a bit at these questions before looking down and answering, “No, we didn’t share a sub, and yes.”
Nino just shook his head at Okada before he began telling Okada all about his weekend.
---
So, last weekend I became a certified Fairy Tale Land cop. It’s all very exciting. This weekend ended up being my second case ever, and this time Jun-kun let me drive. I didn’t hit anything; I normally don’t. I don’t even know why Jun-kun was worried last time. I mean, when he just got his carriage driving licence, he ended up hitting the side of a troll’s toll bridge, which was horrible.
This time, our case was a little unusual. It involved a murder and a possible switcheroo. Switcheroos are kind of fun cases. Basically, what happened is that a beautiful and young prince, Hashimoto-san, along with his teacher, Goseki-san, and his helper, Kawai-san, were all travelling to Totsuka-san’s kingdom to get married in a few months. On the way there, Goseki-san talked Hashimoto-san into... okay, apparently it was more like threatened... to switch places, so when they arrived, they introduced Goseki-san as the princess, and that same night, Kawai-san was murdered and shoved down a well, but he wasn’t found at that point. It’s all very exciting for a police officer, right?
Takizawa-san, Hashimoto-san’s father, ordered an investigation when he didn’t receive an invitation in the mail to the royal ball that was promised to him when the two were to be married.
We ended up going there, and nothing seemed out of order to us. Takizawa-san had just shown us a picture with no clear instruction of who Hashimoto-san really was, as Goseki-san was in that picture as well. What a mess. It took us a few days to really get to the bottom of it. The biggest help was Tsuka-chan, the stable boy, though.
“Excuse me, police officers, can I talk to you?” he said one day to Jun-kun and me, completely out of the blue.
“Sure!” Jun-kun responded. Jun-kun is such a good, friendly cop despite his strong face.
Tsuka-chan looked around and motioned for us to follow him. We weren’t really doing anything, so I shrugged at Jun-kun as if to say we may as well, and I got an eye roll in response. Can you believe it?
When we got to the stable, Tsuka-chan turned to us with a dead serious face, which was rare, because we’d only seen him with a smile since we’d gotten there.
“So, what can we help you with, Tsukada-san?” Jun-kun asked, so formal.
Tsuka-chan just shook his head to that. “Please, just Tsuka-chan.”
“Tsuka-chan it is. So, buddy,” I said, clapping his shoulder with my hand, “what’s up?”
His face was suddenly horrified. “I think Kawai-san is dead and possessing this horse right here.”
I admit, I laughed. I laughed so hard at this, and Jun-kun just kind of smirked at first, trying to hold in a laugh. It got free at some point, but he turned back to serious as quick as he could.
“What makes you think that, Tsuka-chan?” Jun-kun asked. I was still far too amused by this to say anything.
“Well, he’s eating nothing but natto, and he was bothering Kitayama-san. You see, Kitayama-san was friends with Kawai-san,” Tsuka-chan said.
We paused and nodded to this. We then decided to test that theory the next day.
The next day ended up too late, though. The horse ended up being killed in the middle of the night and the head ended up on Tsuka-chan’s bed.
This didn’t stop our investigation, though! The horse’s head was talking! Not in horse, either! He was talking in Japanese, plain and simple!
Okay, so it was mostly saying, “Wrong one… Check the well…” repeatedly, but that was enough to get our curiosity flowing, so we checked the well, and sure enough, we found Kawai-san’s body in there.
Upon examination of the body, which I had to do, because Jun-kun won our game of rock-paper-scissors and got to be the scribe, we found a photo in his pocket of him and Hashimoto-san, along with the now dead horse. Written on the back was, “The prince’s first riding lesson.”
Upon finding this, Jun-kun and I left the clean up to the palace and went to find Hashimoto-san in the kitchen. When we showed him the picture, he started to cry. Jun-kun tried to comfort him, but that isn’t really his specialty, so I ended up with a wet shoulder.
Hashimoto-san explained everything, and so we confronted Goseki-san, who sneered and evaded our attempts of arresting him so quickly. He’s really a quick man.
You know, we probably wouldn’t have caught him if it weren’t for Detective Tsubasa, who decided to show up with Takizawa-kun. Tsubasa-san is really quick after all. If only we could have, though. Our first arrest. It would have been so great!
---
“And that’s about it.” Nino said, smiling at Okada.
Okada, on the other hand, just sat there with his mouth open for a few moments. “Nino-kun, there is no way that happened.”
Nino smiled at him before bouncing off, saying, “Somehow I knew you’d say that. Okada-kun should learn to believe.” The last word, said with wiggling fingers.
Okada just watched him leave after that before wondering something entirely different, “Why would Massu and I share a sub…?”
Chapter Three
On the third Monday, it was Koyama’s turn to be a victim of Nino’s stories. He’d heard from Okada and Massu that Nino had been telling weird stories, and instead of being afraid to hear anything, he actually showed up earlier than the other two had.
When Nino came off he break, he smiled. “Ahhh, Koyama-kun, how great to see you!”
“Ah, really? It’s great to see you as well, Nino-kun.” Koyama smiled right back at him. “How was your weekend?”
This caused Nino to light up even more. Even if no one believed him, it was so fun to talk about his weekends. Sitting down, he began.
---
This weekend, Jun-kun and I had to travel all the way to a deep part of the magical forest. We even had to travel by foot at one point. Okay, correction, Jun-kun had to travel by foot. I walked a bit and then convinced him to carry me. It worked out!
When we got to the house, it was made out of gingerbread and rather tasty, I have to say. Needless to say, my taste test ended pretty quickly, as the man inside ushered us in.
When we sat down, Jun-kun began the questioning. “So, Sakamoto-san, are you aware of why we are here today?”
“I am,” Sakamoto-san said as he pulled some cookies out of the oven. “Those awful children who had you come talk to me told me why.”
“They… They told you why?” Jun-kun was as surprised as I was when he said that.
Sakamoto-san nodded and set some cookies in front of us. I took one, naturally. I have to say, the guy, he’s an amazing cook. You’ve never tasted cookies this good in your life, even if the ones we sell here are like crack.
Anyway, as he nodded, he said, “They did. They come here all the time, especially now that they aren’t children anymore.”
“But…” Jun-kun sputtered as I chewed on a cookie, “the one who showed up at the station… I could have sworn he was 15.”
I laughed at this along with Sakamoto-san, before I said, “Jun-kun, didn’t you know? Looks are very deceiving.”
Jun-kun looked a little disheartened, so I took over. “So, Sakamoto-san, about this ‘Momo-chan’ who went missing, as well as the fact that the guy at the station, a one Miyake-san, mentioned something about cannabalism.”
“Ahhh, yes, yes.” Sakamoto-san nodded as he grabbed a cookie for himself. “I eat children at times. It’s not very often, and I like a lot of different foods, but they cook up so nicely. Go-kun and Ken-chan, the one from the station, I was going to eat them a while ago, but they shoved me in an oven.”
“Was this oven on?” I asked, curiously.
“It was! But, you know, us magical people, you just cannot keep us down.”
Jun-kun seemed to have rebooted at that time and looked at Sakamoto-san seriously. “We aren’t here because of a missing child, are we?”
“No, no.” Sakamoto-san smiled sweetly at Jun-kun. “It’s my cat. She’s been catnapped!” His face changed to one of overexaggeration when he said the word “catnapped”, and then turned suddenly sad.
Jun-kun went silent again. He really needs to take policing Fairy Tale Land less seriously.
“Catnapped?” I asked. “We don’t normally do catnapping, and besides, how to you even know?”
Sakamoto-san stood up and walked over to his bookshelf, taking a note from it, being very careful to only touch the edge.
“They sent this random note.” Sakamoto-san down sluggishly. “They want all the cream pies in the world or else they’ll kill my Momo-chan!”
I didn’t really know what to say, but the next thing that popped from my mouth was either the most intelligent thing I’ve said or the stupidest thing I’ve said. “Did they leave an address?”
Sakamoto-san paused and walked over to the bookshelf once more. He had an envelop in his hand this time. When he walked back over to the table, he showed it to me. They did indeed!
I nudged Jun-kun to write it down, and so we set off. When we arrived, two men greeted us, both introducing themselves as Domoto-san. One was red and the other was blue.
We were invited inside, but we decided we were fine outside. We explained why we were there and showed the note to the two Domoto-san’s, who agreed that was their address. What was surprising was what came after.
“Why did you write this, Domoto-san?” Blue Domoto-san said to Red Domoto-san.
Red Domoto-san looked upset and walked back into his home. When he returned, he had a little dog.
“Please explain to us what exactly happened, Domoto-san,” Jun-kun said.
What Red Domoto-san said next was really long. It was something about how the troll, Nakai-san, had stolen his dog for soup, but agreed to give Pan-chan – that’s the dog – back if he went and catnapped Momo-chan. Red Domoto-san, unable to live without his dog, agreed to it. He catnapped Momo-chan and had made the exchange just that very morning.
We thanked the Domoto’s for their help and said to Red Domoto-san that if he would try as a witness, he wouldn’t be charged. He agreed.
Next we had to find Nakai-san, which was a little more difficult. We did, though, when we were closer to the little bridge. Getting the cat back wasn’t so easy.
“Nakai-san, if you could give us a few minutes...” Jun-kun started as Nakai-san ran.
Jun-kun raced after him while I searched Nakai-san’s area. I found a pot with a cat in it, which was still alive and wearing a little bell with “Momo” engraved on it.
The next thing I knew, a few minutes had passed and Jun-kun appeared out of nowhere with Nakai-kun in cuffs. Jun-kun decided to take Nakai-kun to the carriage as I returned Momo-chan to Sakamoto-san.
When I got there, Morita-san, Ken-chan, and a couple with a small child were there. The new guy introduced himself as Inocchi and his wife, Asaka-san. Sakamoto-san was nowhere to be seen at the moment, so I waited. When he did return, though, he was ecstatic.
“You found her!” he said, as he walked over and picked her up. “Thank you so much!”
He then showered me with cookies, most of which I gobbled up before I headed back to Jun-kun. I was nice, really. I brought him two.
---
Koyama had hung onto every word Nino said, his face cradled in his hands. When Nino stopped, his face fell a bit.
“What happened next?” he asked.
Nino just shrugged, “We booked him, what else could happen? His court date is in a month.”
Koyama smiled at Nino. “I’m glad I got to hear about this. It was great.”
“Ahhh, you just think they’re stories, don’t you?” Nino asked.
Koyama looked at him with wide eyes. “What else could they be?”
Nino didn’t respond to that. He only shrugged.
Chapter Four
On the fourth Monday, it was Ohno’s turn to be the next shift. Sometimes they wished there was consistency to the schedule, but there wasn’t anything they could really do about it.
When it was time for Nino’s break, Ohno had already been there for a half hour. He’d made it a habit to come really early after he’d been late a few too many times in the first week.
Nino pulled up a chair super close and stared at Ohno until he stared back. When he finally did, all Nino said was, “Want to hear about my weekend?”
Ohno sleepily nodded.
---
Jun-kun ended up driving again. The horse doesn’t really seem to like him, but he insists they just have to get used to each other. Apparently it’s because they’re going to be great partners in Fairy Tale Land, but I don’t know. The horse really doesn’t like him.
This time we had to deal with an attempted murder charge, which was kind of ridiculous, especially since the guy filing the charge was representing himself. You see, he’s a lawyer, of all things.
When we got to the house, we were greeted by Kato-san almost immediately. He had been outside, waiting for us with his husband, one of the seven men who had helped him back to health and such when he was banished and then almost murdered, Maruyama-san. Actually, now that I think about it, Maruyama-san woke Kato-san from a deep slumber after Prince Sho tried and failed. It was a huge controversy at the time.
Inside, he offered us some tea, which we gladly accepted before getting down to business.
“So, as you two may have heard, the queen tried to murder me. Multiple times actually,” Kato-san said. “I’d like to file attempted murder charges against him.”
Jun-kun nodded as he pulled out the form.
“I also wish to put a restraining order in place against him,” Kato-san continued.
Jun-kun also pulled out that form and handed them over to Kato-san. “Kato-san, if I could get you to fill these out, then we can be on our way,” he said.
I, on the other hand, looked around the home. It was pretty normal. There were six twin beds and a queen bed, as well as some game equipment.
“Maruyama-san, who owns the game systems?” I asked.
“That would be Yoko-kun.”
“I see…” I said as I walked back to the table. It’s not the first time I’ve found game equipment. I wonder if a Fairy Tale Land tournament would be feasible.
Anyway, about ten minutes later, Kato-san had finished filling out all the required paperwork. We filed it straight away, since it’s Fairy Tale Land. You wouldn’t believe how fast they are with paperwork there! There are pocket universes, and it’s just so great!
We then headed over to the castle to give the queen, a Tegoshi-san, the restraining order as well as a court summons. Needless to say, he wasn’t really pleased to see us. I could tell, since he kept offering us apples. Apples of all things! How revolting and healthy. Ahhh, I really could have gone for a cookie from Sakamoto-san again. Oh, right! He’s a children eating cannibalistic witch, makes the best cookies. Anyway, there’s no work, eating a cookie, unlike apples.
After turning down the apples, we went on our merry way. This is by far one of the easiest cases we’ve had. I really don’t know how.
---
When Nino had finished his story, Ohno smiled at him and said, “Jun-kun sounds like a good guy, all things considered. Maruyama-san and Kato-san as well.”
“Oh, I think you’d get along with them. Kato-san had a book that was called The Top Ten Fishing Spots in Fairy Tale Land,” Nino said.
“He does sound like a good guy, eh? You’ll have to introduce me some day,” Ohno said before walking off to go to the washroom.
Nino just shook his head at him as he walked off.
Chapter Five
On the fifth Monday, Aiba had finally returned to work after a holiday in Australia. Nino was so happy he was the person who would be in the break room that day, and when he got there, he sat super close to the guy.
“So, Aiba-chan, how was your holiday?” Nino asked him, smiling.
Aiba looked at him with a massive smile on his face. “It was good! I’ll tell you all about it the next time we hang out, which reminds me! I couldn’t get a hold of you or Jun-kun on the weekend, so I ended up going out with Toma-kun on Saturday!”
“Ahh, about that. Jun-kun and I have a weekend gig, now,” Nino said with an apologetic smile.
Aiba perked up with curiosity. “What kind of weekend gig?”
“Well… How about I tell you about this weekend?”
“Yes please!”
---
It was a really sunny day on Saturday in Fairy Tale Land. Jun-kun and I had been called to the seaside to resolve a particular issue. You know, right, Jun-kun and I are Fairy Tale Land cops, who have the weirdest duties, I swear.
Anyway, we had to go resolve an issue near the sea, so we travelled rather quickly. I drove this time. Last time, on the way back, the horse stopped working and tried to hurt Jun-kun. The horse really doesn’t like him at all.
When we got there, a very silent man and his wife, the princess, who wants to remain nameless for some reason, greeted us. They invited us inside rather quickly to get down to business, although for the first few minutes we were interrupted by their five and two year old sons, who are to remain nameless as well.
Yamaguchi-san, the man, took us to the back room that looked out to the water. He mainly stared while the princess explained.
“He went out surfing the other day, and returned with his voice gone.” She paused. “Again!”
“Again?” Jun-kun asked.
“Yes. Again. This happened when we met. He gained his voice back when we were married though. It was all peculiar.”
This clicked in my head. This man, he was the littlest mermaid, and to be honest, he is pretty short.
“Please don’t tell me he was cursed by an evil sea monster…” I mumbled.
She heard it, though, and pointed happily at me. “That’s exactly what happened! He says it was a man named Taichi, who lives under the sea.”
“Under… the… sea?” My face was horrified when I repeated that back; Jun-kun was, of course, rather amused by this turn of events.
She nodded again. “Yes. I ask of you, can you please dive and get it?”
Jun-kun stepped in before I could even get a word in. “You have our word. I’ll dive in and retrieve it for you while my associate stays on land here. He’s terrible with water.”
Yamaguchi-san and the princess were both amused to hear this. Her mocking laugh and his mocking body shake that should have been a laugh but wasn’t. They did agree in the end, so they can’t be all that terrible.
Jun-kun dove down straight away and took a little too long for my liking. I didn’t want to be by the sea any more than I really had to, which isn’t really surprising.
About two hours later, Jun-kun finally came up with a locket clutched in his hand. The princess grabbed it as soon as it came to view and opened it straight away. Yamaguchi-san’s voice returned.
I think the best part of this mission was the fact Jun-kun took an hour to get out of the water afterwards. He wouldn’t say why, but I suspect he was turned into a mermaid. Good thing we’re cops, though. We have anti-curse.
Yamaguchi-san invited us to a dinner after he finally left the water, as a thank you. He actually sang for us and played his bass with his friend, Joshima-san. The performance was really good.
The food on the other hand, it was really expensive food, so Jun-kun ended up having to drive home, since I had an upset stomach.
---
“That about sums up my weekend, as well as Jun-kun’s,” Nino said to a smiling Aiba.
“You know! You should let me come along next time!” Aiba exclaimed in the loudest voice he could muster at work.
“Heavens to Betsy, Aiba-chan!” Nino says, throwing up his arms in defeat. “Of all the people I’ve told about my weekends, of course you’re the one to believe it!”
“Heavens to…?”
“It’s a saying,” I said, “but seriously, why do you even believe me?”
“Well, it’s Jun-kun and you,” Aiba said very matter of factly. “What reason would you have to lie?”
Nino could only shake his head at this with a smile on his face. From now on, Aiba would be the one he tells about his weekends.
kamjaFrom:
clipsieTitle: Tales From The Break Room
Pairing/Focus: Nino, mentions of A.B.C-Z, NEWS, KAT-TUN, V6, SMAP, KinKi Kids, TOKIO, other members of Arashi, Kanjani∞, Toma and Kis-My-Ft2.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of death, which, yes, there is a bit, but it’s fairy tales. There was no way around it, especially with the one I decided to use. No way!
Summary: Nino becomes a cop in a magical land during the weekends. He figures it’s just ridiculous enough to talk about…
Notes: This is pretty much intergrouped to death. Not sorry. I really hope you enjoy it and the ridiculousness inside.
Another Monday, another day at work making subs for the customers. Nino was actually ecstatic to be there.
He yawned.
See, ecstatic. He was particularly ecstatic because it was break time, and if there was anything Nino was, it was distracting on his break, with his body lying across the break table as he watched everything going on around them. He’d be happier if they were in the busier part of town, but they weren’t, and for some strange reason he was always allowed to take his break close to the shift change, as Koyama stayed out front to take care of the customers.
He yawned again, finding his vision thrown a little out of focus. Blinking, he was brought back to find Massu sitting across from him, drinking down some honey as he waited for his shift to start.
“Heeeeey,” Nino said, stretching out in the direction of Massu. “You should let me go home early.”
This only caused Massu to laugh.
Nino pouted a little, looking him dead in the eyes. “I have a second job, okay? I’m tired.”
Massu, surprised by this, just ended up asking, “Oh? What kind of job?”
“Well…”
You see, I’m actually a cop in Fairy Tale Land. Only on weekends, though. Fairy Tale Land has enough cops as it is. Especially lately, it’s an up and coming job. I just got through the training a few weeks ago. I didn’t actually realise it would be so much work, either! Too much work. This is totally Jun-kun’s fault.
Jun-kun and I ended up going on our first case this weekend. Jun-kun wouldn’t let me drive the carriage, though. It was pretty disappointing. His reasoning was that I hit someone when we were in training. He seems to forget he did too, but that’s beside the point.
We had to go settle a harassment dispute at the Charming’s castle. Seems Prince Taguchi Junnosuke and his husband, Princess Ueda Tatsuya, had been getting harassed by Princess Ueda’s stepfather and stepsiblings as of late.
We went to interview the royals first.
“So, tell us about the harassment you’ve been experiencing.” Jun-kun asked.
“Well, they keep trying to get an evil witch to cast a spell on us,” said the prince.
“But the evil witch won’t, since…” the princess cut in, unsure, “well, since the evil witch and I have a history.”
I couldn’t help asking, as I gave a curious glance, “What kind of history would you say you and this witch have?”
“Well, we used to catch butterflies together as children,” said the princess.
“And he helped us get together at the ball,” the prince added.
Jun-kun was recording all of this, like the diligent police officer he is, offering only a, “So, it’s not a romantic connection?”
“No! Not at all!” the prince and princess said in unison.
“I see,” I said as I nodded confidently, “so you’re filing this on behalf of yourself and the evil witch. What noble royalty.”
“We’re also filing it on Nakamaru-kun’s behalf,” said the princess.
“Nakamaru?” Jun-kun and I said together. Ahh, there was such random unison at this meeting, don’t you think? Anyway, Jun-kun continued that thought for me. “Isn’t that your stepbrother?”
The princess just smiled wide to this, laughing a bit. “Yeah, but he’s not a bad guy. He’s the only one who was nice to me, and he gets along with the evil witch really well.”
We ended up discussing the situation a bit more before going to see the stepfather and stepsiblings of the princess. When we were there, we interviewed them all at once to start.
“So, tell us about your relationship with your stepson,” Jun-kun said as he gestured to the stepfather, Kamenashi-san. “And in your cases, stepsibling,” he added, gesturing to Nakamaru-san and Koki-san.
“Also, tell us why you have different last names!” I interjected.
My last bit caused the three of them to laugh. See, I cause laughter there, unlike at this sub shop. I’m pretty cool, aren’t I? Anyway, again, to the story.
“We have different last names since I’ve been married three times now,” Kamenashi-san said calmly with a smile, well, I think it was a smile, it might have been a smirk, on his face.
I nodded to this fact, and Jun-kun continued writing. You should really see his reports. He’s so diligent, and it’s adorable, really.
“Also, our relationship is fine,” Kamenashi-san said emotionally, “or it would be if our dearest Tacchan didn’t cut us out of his life completely.” He said this while dabbing his eye with a handkerchief.
“We only want to be a part of his life!” Koki-san said.
There was a long pause after that, with Nakamaru-san not saying anything, and the other two slowly swinging around to look at him, shocked.
Nakamaru-san ended up shrugging and saying a bit timidly, maybe, there was stuttering, “I’m still part of his life.”
Jun-kun just nodded to that and signalled my turn.
“I’m terribly sorry to inform you two,” I said, specifically to Kamenashi-san and Koki-san, “that there has been a restraining order placed against you two. You’re not to go near the castle via magic or any other way that takes you within the fence. As well, you are to stay one block away from the royal couple if you see them in the street.”
Ahh, their surprised faces were rather priceless, and Nakamaru-san just ended up laughing at them for a bit.
Right after that, we bid them goodbye and wished Nakamaru-san luck. We hope he’ll get out at some point.
Massu sat there, once Nino was done his story, finishing off the honey he’d brought. He started laughing in the end, unsure of how to really react.
The laughter ended up making Nino feel a bit awkward, so he said, “Oh, I think Koyama-kun is calling. See you when you start!” and he scampered off.
The following Monday, Nino was once again on his break at the time of shift change. This time, he was working with Massu, who he left in charge of the store so he could relax.
He ended up perking up when Okada came in. He wanted to complain about his weekend again, since weekends are just so hard.
When Okada sat down, Nino stretched and sat up. He had decided it was a more professional approach to telling a story.
“So, Okada-kun, did I tell you about my weekend job?” he asked.
Okada just laughed at this. “No, you haven’t, but Masuda-kun mentioned it in passing the one time I worked with him last week.”
“Ahhh, you two finally talked! How rare!” Nino exclaimed at him. “Did you share a sub? Are you still hiding from us when you see us on the street?”
Okada stammered a bit at these questions before looking down and answering, “No, we didn’t share a sub, and yes.”
Nino just shook his head at Okada before he began telling Okada all about his weekend.
So, last weekend I became a certified Fairy Tale Land cop. It’s all very exciting. This weekend ended up being my second case ever, and this time Jun-kun let me drive. I didn’t hit anything; I normally don’t. I don’t even know why Jun-kun was worried last time. I mean, when he just got his carriage driving licence, he ended up hitting the side of a troll’s toll bridge, which was horrible.
This time, our case was a little unusual. It involved a murder and a possible switcheroo. Switcheroos are kind of fun cases. Basically, what happened is that a beautiful and young prince, Hashimoto-san, along with his teacher, Goseki-san, and his helper, Kawai-san, were all travelling to Totsuka-san’s kingdom to get married in a few months. On the way there, Goseki-san talked Hashimoto-san into... okay, apparently it was more like threatened... to switch places, so when they arrived, they introduced Goseki-san as the princess, and that same night, Kawai-san was murdered and shoved down a well, but he wasn’t found at that point. It’s all very exciting for a police officer, right?
Takizawa-san, Hashimoto-san’s father, ordered an investigation when he didn’t receive an invitation in the mail to the royal ball that was promised to him when the two were to be married.
We ended up going there, and nothing seemed out of order to us. Takizawa-san had just shown us a picture with no clear instruction of who Hashimoto-san really was, as Goseki-san was in that picture as well. What a mess. It took us a few days to really get to the bottom of it. The biggest help was Tsuka-chan, the stable boy, though.
“Excuse me, police officers, can I talk to you?” he said one day to Jun-kun and me, completely out of the blue.
“Sure!” Jun-kun responded. Jun-kun is such a good, friendly cop despite his strong face.
Tsuka-chan looked around and motioned for us to follow him. We weren’t really doing anything, so I shrugged at Jun-kun as if to say we may as well, and I got an eye roll in response. Can you believe it?
When we got to the stable, Tsuka-chan turned to us with a dead serious face, which was rare, because we’d only seen him with a smile since we’d gotten there.
“So, what can we help you with, Tsukada-san?” Jun-kun asked, so formal.
Tsuka-chan just shook his head to that. “Please, just Tsuka-chan.”
“Tsuka-chan it is. So, buddy,” I said, clapping his shoulder with my hand, “what’s up?”
His face was suddenly horrified. “I think Kawai-san is dead and possessing this horse right here.”
I admit, I laughed. I laughed so hard at this, and Jun-kun just kind of smirked at first, trying to hold in a laugh. It got free at some point, but he turned back to serious as quick as he could.
“What makes you think that, Tsuka-chan?” Jun-kun asked. I was still far too amused by this to say anything.
“Well, he’s eating nothing but natto, and he was bothering Kitayama-san. You see, Kitayama-san was friends with Kawai-san,” Tsuka-chan said.
We paused and nodded to this. We then decided to test that theory the next day.
The next day ended up too late, though. The horse ended up being killed in the middle of the night and the head ended up on Tsuka-chan’s bed.
This didn’t stop our investigation, though! The horse’s head was talking! Not in horse, either! He was talking in Japanese, plain and simple!
Okay, so it was mostly saying, “Wrong one… Check the well…” repeatedly, but that was enough to get our curiosity flowing, so we checked the well, and sure enough, we found Kawai-san’s body in there.
Upon examination of the body, which I had to do, because Jun-kun won our game of rock-paper-scissors and got to be the scribe, we found a photo in his pocket of him and Hashimoto-san, along with the now dead horse. Written on the back was, “The prince’s first riding lesson.”
Upon finding this, Jun-kun and I left the clean up to the palace and went to find Hashimoto-san in the kitchen. When we showed him the picture, he started to cry. Jun-kun tried to comfort him, but that isn’t really his specialty, so I ended up with a wet shoulder.
Hashimoto-san explained everything, and so we confronted Goseki-san, who sneered and evaded our attempts of arresting him so quickly. He’s really a quick man.
You know, we probably wouldn’t have caught him if it weren’t for Detective Tsubasa, who decided to show up with Takizawa-kun. Tsubasa-san is really quick after all. If only we could have, though. Our first arrest. It would have been so great!
“And that’s about it.” Nino said, smiling at Okada.
Okada, on the other hand, just sat there with his mouth open for a few moments. “Nino-kun, there is no way that happened.”
Nino smiled at him before bouncing off, saying, “Somehow I knew you’d say that. Okada-kun should learn to believe.” The last word, said with wiggling fingers.
Okada just watched him leave after that before wondering something entirely different, “Why would Massu and I share a sub…?”
On the third Monday, it was Koyama’s turn to be a victim of Nino’s stories. He’d heard from Okada and Massu that Nino had been telling weird stories, and instead of being afraid to hear anything, he actually showed up earlier than the other two had.
When Nino came off he break, he smiled. “Ahhh, Koyama-kun, how great to see you!”
“Ah, really? It’s great to see you as well, Nino-kun.” Koyama smiled right back at him. “How was your weekend?”
This caused Nino to light up even more. Even if no one believed him, it was so fun to talk about his weekends. Sitting down, he began.
This weekend, Jun-kun and I had to travel all the way to a deep part of the magical forest. We even had to travel by foot at one point. Okay, correction, Jun-kun had to travel by foot. I walked a bit and then convinced him to carry me. It worked out!
When we got to the house, it was made out of gingerbread and rather tasty, I have to say. Needless to say, my taste test ended pretty quickly, as the man inside ushered us in.
When we sat down, Jun-kun began the questioning. “So, Sakamoto-san, are you aware of why we are here today?”
“I am,” Sakamoto-san said as he pulled some cookies out of the oven. “Those awful children who had you come talk to me told me why.”
“They… They told you why?” Jun-kun was as surprised as I was when he said that.
Sakamoto-san nodded and set some cookies in front of us. I took one, naturally. I have to say, the guy, he’s an amazing cook. You’ve never tasted cookies this good in your life, even if the ones we sell here are like crack.
Anyway, as he nodded, he said, “They did. They come here all the time, especially now that they aren’t children anymore.”
“But…” Jun-kun sputtered as I chewed on a cookie, “the one who showed up at the station… I could have sworn he was 15.”
I laughed at this along with Sakamoto-san, before I said, “Jun-kun, didn’t you know? Looks are very deceiving.”
Jun-kun looked a little disheartened, so I took over. “So, Sakamoto-san, about this ‘Momo-chan’ who went missing, as well as the fact that the guy at the station, a one Miyake-san, mentioned something about cannabalism.”
“Ahhh, yes, yes.” Sakamoto-san nodded as he grabbed a cookie for himself. “I eat children at times. It’s not very often, and I like a lot of different foods, but they cook up so nicely. Go-kun and Ken-chan, the one from the station, I was going to eat them a while ago, but they shoved me in an oven.”
“Was this oven on?” I asked, curiously.
“It was! But, you know, us magical people, you just cannot keep us down.”
Jun-kun seemed to have rebooted at that time and looked at Sakamoto-san seriously. “We aren’t here because of a missing child, are we?”
“No, no.” Sakamoto-san smiled sweetly at Jun-kun. “It’s my cat. She’s been catnapped!” His face changed to one of overexaggeration when he said the word “catnapped”, and then turned suddenly sad.
Jun-kun went silent again. He really needs to take policing Fairy Tale Land less seriously.
“Catnapped?” I asked. “We don’t normally do catnapping, and besides, how to you even know?”
Sakamoto-san stood up and walked over to his bookshelf, taking a note from it, being very careful to only touch the edge.
“They sent this random note.” Sakamoto-san down sluggishly. “They want all the cream pies in the world or else they’ll kill my Momo-chan!”
I didn’t really know what to say, but the next thing that popped from my mouth was either the most intelligent thing I’ve said or the stupidest thing I’ve said. “Did they leave an address?”
Sakamoto-san paused and walked over to the bookshelf once more. He had an envelop in his hand this time. When he walked back over to the table, he showed it to me. They did indeed!
I nudged Jun-kun to write it down, and so we set off. When we arrived, two men greeted us, both introducing themselves as Domoto-san. One was red and the other was blue.
We were invited inside, but we decided we were fine outside. We explained why we were there and showed the note to the two Domoto-san’s, who agreed that was their address. What was surprising was what came after.
“Why did you write this, Domoto-san?” Blue Domoto-san said to Red Domoto-san.
Red Domoto-san looked upset and walked back into his home. When he returned, he had a little dog.
“Please explain to us what exactly happened, Domoto-san,” Jun-kun said.
What Red Domoto-san said next was really long. It was something about how the troll, Nakai-san, had stolen his dog for soup, but agreed to give Pan-chan – that’s the dog – back if he went and catnapped Momo-chan. Red Domoto-san, unable to live without his dog, agreed to it. He catnapped Momo-chan and had made the exchange just that very morning.
We thanked the Domoto’s for their help and said to Red Domoto-san that if he would try as a witness, he wouldn’t be charged. He agreed.
Next we had to find Nakai-san, which was a little more difficult. We did, though, when we were closer to the little bridge. Getting the cat back wasn’t so easy.
“Nakai-san, if you could give us a few minutes...” Jun-kun started as Nakai-san ran.
Jun-kun raced after him while I searched Nakai-san’s area. I found a pot with a cat in it, which was still alive and wearing a little bell with “Momo” engraved on it.
The next thing I knew, a few minutes had passed and Jun-kun appeared out of nowhere with Nakai-kun in cuffs. Jun-kun decided to take Nakai-kun to the carriage as I returned Momo-chan to Sakamoto-san.
When I got there, Morita-san, Ken-chan, and a couple with a small child were there. The new guy introduced himself as Inocchi and his wife, Asaka-san. Sakamoto-san was nowhere to be seen at the moment, so I waited. When he did return, though, he was ecstatic.
“You found her!” he said, as he walked over and picked her up. “Thank you so much!”
He then showered me with cookies, most of which I gobbled up before I headed back to Jun-kun. I was nice, really. I brought him two.
Koyama had hung onto every word Nino said, his face cradled in his hands. When Nino stopped, his face fell a bit.
“What happened next?” he asked.
Nino just shrugged, “We booked him, what else could happen? His court date is in a month.”
Koyama smiled at Nino. “I’m glad I got to hear about this. It was great.”
“Ahhh, you just think they’re stories, don’t you?” Nino asked.
Koyama looked at him with wide eyes. “What else could they be?”
Nino didn’t respond to that. He only shrugged.
On the fourth Monday, it was Ohno’s turn to be the next shift. Sometimes they wished there was consistency to the schedule, but there wasn’t anything they could really do about it.
When it was time for Nino’s break, Ohno had already been there for a half hour. He’d made it a habit to come really early after he’d been late a few too many times in the first week.
Nino pulled up a chair super close and stared at Ohno until he stared back. When he finally did, all Nino said was, “Want to hear about my weekend?”
Ohno sleepily nodded.
Jun-kun ended up driving again. The horse doesn’t really seem to like him, but he insists they just have to get used to each other. Apparently it’s because they’re going to be great partners in Fairy Tale Land, but I don’t know. The horse really doesn’t like him.
This time we had to deal with an attempted murder charge, which was kind of ridiculous, especially since the guy filing the charge was representing himself. You see, he’s a lawyer, of all things.
When we got to the house, we were greeted by Kato-san almost immediately. He had been outside, waiting for us with his husband, one of the seven men who had helped him back to health and such when he was banished and then almost murdered, Maruyama-san. Actually, now that I think about it, Maruyama-san woke Kato-san from a deep slumber after Prince Sho tried and failed. It was a huge controversy at the time.
Inside, he offered us some tea, which we gladly accepted before getting down to business.
“So, as you two may have heard, the queen tried to murder me. Multiple times actually,” Kato-san said. “I’d like to file attempted murder charges against him.”
Jun-kun nodded as he pulled out the form.
“I also wish to put a restraining order in place against him,” Kato-san continued.
Jun-kun also pulled out that form and handed them over to Kato-san. “Kato-san, if I could get you to fill these out, then we can be on our way,” he said.
I, on the other hand, looked around the home. It was pretty normal. There were six twin beds and a queen bed, as well as some game equipment.
“Maruyama-san, who owns the game systems?” I asked.
“That would be Yoko-kun.”
“I see…” I said as I walked back to the table. It’s not the first time I’ve found game equipment. I wonder if a Fairy Tale Land tournament would be feasible.
Anyway, about ten minutes later, Kato-san had finished filling out all the required paperwork. We filed it straight away, since it’s Fairy Tale Land. You wouldn’t believe how fast they are with paperwork there! There are pocket universes, and it’s just so great!
We then headed over to the castle to give the queen, a Tegoshi-san, the restraining order as well as a court summons. Needless to say, he wasn’t really pleased to see us. I could tell, since he kept offering us apples. Apples of all things! How revolting and healthy. Ahhh, I really could have gone for a cookie from Sakamoto-san again. Oh, right! He’s a children eating cannibalistic witch, makes the best cookies. Anyway, there’s no work, eating a cookie, unlike apples.
After turning down the apples, we went on our merry way. This is by far one of the easiest cases we’ve had. I really don’t know how.
When Nino had finished his story, Ohno smiled at him and said, “Jun-kun sounds like a good guy, all things considered. Maruyama-san and Kato-san as well.”
“Oh, I think you’d get along with them. Kato-san had a book that was called The Top Ten Fishing Spots in Fairy Tale Land,” Nino said.
“He does sound like a good guy, eh? You’ll have to introduce me some day,” Ohno said before walking off to go to the washroom.
Nino just shook his head at him as he walked off.
On the fifth Monday, Aiba had finally returned to work after a holiday in Australia. Nino was so happy he was the person who would be in the break room that day, and when he got there, he sat super close to the guy.
“So, Aiba-chan, how was your holiday?” Nino asked him, smiling.
Aiba looked at him with a massive smile on his face. “It was good! I’ll tell you all about it the next time we hang out, which reminds me! I couldn’t get a hold of you or Jun-kun on the weekend, so I ended up going out with Toma-kun on Saturday!”
“Ahh, about that. Jun-kun and I have a weekend gig, now,” Nino said with an apologetic smile.
Aiba perked up with curiosity. “What kind of weekend gig?”
“Well… How about I tell you about this weekend?”
“Yes please!”
It was a really sunny day on Saturday in Fairy Tale Land. Jun-kun and I had been called to the seaside to resolve a particular issue. You know, right, Jun-kun and I are Fairy Tale Land cops, who have the weirdest duties, I swear.
Anyway, we had to go resolve an issue near the sea, so we travelled rather quickly. I drove this time. Last time, on the way back, the horse stopped working and tried to hurt Jun-kun. The horse really doesn’t like him at all.
When we got there, a very silent man and his wife, the princess, who wants to remain nameless for some reason, greeted us. They invited us inside rather quickly to get down to business, although for the first few minutes we were interrupted by their five and two year old sons, who are to remain nameless as well.
Yamaguchi-san, the man, took us to the back room that looked out to the water. He mainly stared while the princess explained.
“He went out surfing the other day, and returned with his voice gone.” She paused. “Again!”
“Again?” Jun-kun asked.
“Yes. Again. This happened when we met. He gained his voice back when we were married though. It was all peculiar.”
This clicked in my head. This man, he was the littlest mermaid, and to be honest, he is pretty short.
“Please don’t tell me he was cursed by an evil sea monster…” I mumbled.
She heard it, though, and pointed happily at me. “That’s exactly what happened! He says it was a man named Taichi, who lives under the sea.”
“Under… the… sea?” My face was horrified when I repeated that back; Jun-kun was, of course, rather amused by this turn of events.
She nodded again. “Yes. I ask of you, can you please dive and get it?”
Jun-kun stepped in before I could even get a word in. “You have our word. I’ll dive in and retrieve it for you while my associate stays on land here. He’s terrible with water.”
Yamaguchi-san and the princess were both amused to hear this. Her mocking laugh and his mocking body shake that should have been a laugh but wasn’t. They did agree in the end, so they can’t be all that terrible.
Jun-kun dove down straight away and took a little too long for my liking. I didn’t want to be by the sea any more than I really had to, which isn’t really surprising.
About two hours later, Jun-kun finally came up with a locket clutched in his hand. The princess grabbed it as soon as it came to view and opened it straight away. Yamaguchi-san’s voice returned.
I think the best part of this mission was the fact Jun-kun took an hour to get out of the water afterwards. He wouldn’t say why, but I suspect he was turned into a mermaid. Good thing we’re cops, though. We have anti-curse.
Yamaguchi-san invited us to a dinner after he finally left the water, as a thank you. He actually sang for us and played his bass with his friend, Joshima-san. The performance was really good.
The food on the other hand, it was really expensive food, so Jun-kun ended up having to drive home, since I had an upset stomach.
“That about sums up my weekend, as well as Jun-kun’s,” Nino said to a smiling Aiba.
“You know! You should let me come along next time!” Aiba exclaimed in the loudest voice he could muster at work.
“Heavens to Betsy, Aiba-chan!” Nino says, throwing up his arms in defeat. “Of all the people I’ve told about my weekends, of course you’re the one to believe it!”
“Heavens to…?”
“It’s a saying,” I said, “but seriously, why do you even believe me?”
“Well, it’s Jun-kun and you,” Aiba said very matter of factly. “What reason would you have to lie?”
Nino could only shake his head at this with a smile on his face. From now on, Aiba would be the one he tells about his weekends.