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ninoexchange2012-06-22 09:35 pm
nino-mod.livejournal.com) wrote in ninoexchange2012-06-22 09:35 pm
Entry tags:
fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
heavenlyjuliet
For: heavenlyjuliet
From:jadeswallow
Title: Sunshower
Pairing/Focus: Sho/Nino, Jun/Nino friendship, past Ohno/Aiba
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Nino just didn’t want to put a name on what made him unable to leave.
Notes:
Dearheavenlyjuliet, this is my attempt at mixing feudal japan AU with magic, but it turned out more folklorish instead. I don’t know if I have been successful in writing your prompts, but I do hope that you’ll find this story enjoyable to read. This is, by far, the hardest ending I’ve ever written. I wish it’s a quite satisfactory (if not a little bit too chessy) way to end the fic.
Dear I, thank you for being so amazingly patient with me.Dear K, you are the best ever and ILU ♥
Dear Nino, happy 29th birthday!
A little explanation from Wikipedia: sunshower is a meteorological phenomenon in which rain falls while the sun is shining. Additionally, the phenomenon has a wide range of sometimes remarkably similar folkloric names in cultures around the world. A common theme is that of trickster animals, or the devil, getting married, although many variations of parts of this theme exist.
Nino was lying still in the forest, curled up with his knees pressed tightly against his chest. He tried to locate his position, but his vision was blurring and his concentration was slipping away. Everything around him was white. White ground, white sky, white trees. He decided that it was not a bad place to die after all, where everything was white but for the blood dripping from his wound to the ground. His breath came out in tiny puffs, and Nino knew how close he was to the end. Nino’s last thought was that he had sinned for contaminating the white. Licking his lips and closing his eyes, he was ready to depart.
---
Nino woke up in layers and layers of blankets.
He blinked.
He tried to comprehend his situation, digging his mind to remember how he could end up in a room with tatami floors, still very much breathing. He turned his head and saw through the cracks at the window that snow had stopped falling and someone had swept the white from the trees.
No memory of what had happened between him dying and him being brought to safety came to him, but the world was suddenly filled with colors again. The sun was setting down and Nino flinched at the purple and pink and orange and blue that was leaking inside. He found himself wondering silently if he had gone to heaven.
The thoughts were stopped when he heard the sounds of footsteps outside; each step bringing the owner closer to the room he was in, and for a moment of panic, Nino thought he had finally been caught. He needed to run, but raising his head from the futon brought back the shooting pains from his stomach and Nino remembered about the wound. He winced and gasped and bit his lips to prevent himself from screaming, counting silently for the pain to go away.
There shouldn’t be any pain in heaven, so only one explanation was possible. He was alive and his life depended on the person just outside the room.
Nino was not sure about why he didn’t feel any kind of joy. Nino loved life (how could he not when he was so close to reaching his dream), but as his hand touched his wound, Nino wasn’t sure what he wanted.
He was at number nine when someone slipped inside.
---
Nino had seen a lot faces in his life, and he had learned to decipher every expression, every move, every gesture. The face Nino looked upon as he struggled to keep his eyes opened was of a young man who had gone through a lot of things in his life; a strong-willed survivor with sharp eyes and thick lips that quickly curled into a smile when he found Nino looking back at him.
Nino was too weak to speak his gratitude but he did hear the explanation of how he had been found in the middle of the woods. The man coughed and smiled again, and Nino could see the hint of guarded loneliness, but also cheerful optimism, in his eyes. Nino curled himself tighter and watched as the man squat down next to the futon, very awkwardly offering him a bowl of fruit.
The man was not a threat, Nino decided before closing his eyes. As he was drifting off to another sleep, he remembered that even if he had died, no god was that foolish to put him in heaven.
---
Nino was not exactly invited as a guest, but he was not asked to leave either. He took it as an excuse to come back to the same room every night and wandered to every corner of the house.
His steps were too light for anyone to hear him coming so he lurked from room to room, listening to the discussion between the guards, the whispers between the servants, the conversations between local farmers who brought the goods. It didn’t take a long time for Nino to learn that the man who saved him was called Sakurai Sho, and the house was built as his prison.
The fallen Lord, they called him behind his back. Sakurai’s father chose the enemy’s side at war, convinced that he had joined the winning side and would be richly rewarded. He was not wrong about the victor, but the lord he had helped declared that he could not put faith in a traitor. Duty and honor. The last Lord Sakurai had neglected those responsibilities and in consequences, and Sakurai Sho was kept as a hostage to ensure his family’s loyalty.
Sakurai had no friends and no true home. As soon as he was old enough to hold a sword, he was put in the front line of every war. Without a doubt, the lord – that had become the emperor-- wanted him dead. Every time, Sakurai failed the emperor’s hopes and came back without a scratch, and all the other lords knew their master wouldn’t be able to handle Sakurai for much longer. After the last battle, Sakurai was sent to this house to rest, but everyone knew its true purpose was to prevent him from getting stronger.
---
Nino had a few vague ideas about why Sakurai let him sleep in the house, but Nino was not the type who asked and Sakurai never clarified, so Nino prolonged his stay during the winter. He spent the day roaming around in the garden, nicking food from the kitchen, or sitting beside his savior to watch him practice his swords or write poems.
Sakurai always started and ended his day by reading a book, continuing a new one after a book was finished. He would eat his breakfast in the garden, his lunch in the dining room, and his dinner in his bedroom. Sakurai loved to plan his meals days ahead of time, always had to know exactly what he would eat the next day. He would practice his swords after lunch, and in the afternoon, he grabbed a stack of paper and wrote words upon words that Nino could not read, and added them to a tower of paper at the corner of his room. Nino thought it was weird, but he kept his comments to himself because Sakurai would immerse himself in those activities so passionately. Sometimes he would draw, and Nino would scrunch his nose up when Sakurai flashed the results at him. Above all the odd things Sakurai did, his drawings were the weirdest of them all.
They were often left alone in silence, but Nino could sense everyone’s sullen disapproval of him. The head of the servant asked Sakurai politely about his existence in the house, but Sakurai merely waved him away and Nino felt a tingle of unexplainable joy. He didn’t say anything but scooted closer to Sakurai, reducing the usually two meters distance into one.
Sakurai would look down and smiled at him sometimes, and Nino could see a glimpse of his loneliness. Sakurai was brought up in battles, and living without one had to feel odd for him.
Nino could comfort him if he wanted to, he could, but the memory of his last experience haunted him. The scar in his stomach was still fresh and would forever remind him of what he was, so Nino quickly averted his gaze away.
The snow was slowly melting and he woke up one night with a realization that it was the longest time he had ever stayed in one place without a purpose.
Sakurai’s breath in next room was heavy and irregular, and Nino laid awake the whole night thinking of a few variations of how he didn’t want, didn’t need, shouldn’t feel this. Nino should never feel so attached to something, or someone.
Nino silently made a promise to leave in the morning.
When the sun rose up, he saw Sakurai outside of his room, smiling the gentle, endearing smile of his, and found himself unable to leave.
---
Spring had come when he woke up to the sound of a person creeping up outside.
The person was skillfully trained, but the movement sounded thunderous in his ears. Nino opened his eyes and he was already in Sakurai’s room, ready to handle intruder before he was even fully awake.
Nino swallowed. His hand stopped mid-air.
If he woke Sakurai up, he would need to do a lot of explaining later on, and the fear almost sent back to his room. Nino tried to convince himself that he could find another place to live, but the intruder was coming closer and there were no good intentions in his steady, unhurried steps.
A shiver ran down Nino’s back that he couldn’t tell was from fear or from excitement or from something else he didn’t want to name. Nino just had to, just needed to, just very much wanted to see Sakurai’s smile again.
He made the decision knowing that a part of him would regret doing this. His touch was light, gone in a second, but it was enough. Sakurai sat up straight away, freezing when he saw Nino beside his futon.
Nino made a quiet gesture to the door, completely aware of how weird the gesture had to look like on him, on his current appearance, but the sounds of footsteps came again and Sakurai was immediately alert as he reached out for his swords. The young Lord’s face was firm and steady.
The intruder opened the door slowly; he appeared confident in fulfilling his mission, but Sakurai moved fast, and took him in a stranglehold. While the intruder was struggling to escape, Nino ran hurriedly to the door, throwing it wide open to let the moonlight in. His eyes scanned the intruder, but there was nothing special to distinguish the man, and Sakurai seemed to realize it as well.
Stifling the intruder, Sakurai hissed, “Who paid you?”
The intruder wriggled out of Sakurai’s hands, proving himself to be stronger than Nino originally thought he was. He ran to the garden outside, trying to escape, but Nino was faster. He managed to grab hold, but the intruder kicked him in the stomach and Nino was forced to let go, his wounds opening up again. Sakurai took the chance to pull the man’s clothes, throwing him to the pool just outside. The man tried to rise, but the water weighed him down heavily and he slipped back into the water.
Sakurai went after him and struck him on the face. “Where are you from?”
The intruder groaned, his breath coming in loud gasps. He tried to hit back, splashing Sakurai with water in his effort, but Sakurai held him firm. His long sword was on the man’s neck, the short one in the stomach.
The intruder gritted his teeth, and then he was dead before they could even react, collapsing into the ground.
Sakurai made a tsking sound. “Poison.”
Nino wanted to come to Sakurai, but he could barely move.
The guards and servants surrounded them soon, drawn by the noises. The women were screaming and the men were busy checking Sakurai’s condition and getting rid of the body. Sakurai, on the other hand, looked strangely composed for a man that was just about to be murdered in his sleep.
Nino curled up tighter. The blood was dripping to the tatami floor and Nino felt dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. It would be better if Sakurai had left him in the forest to die. Sakurai went inside the room when his count reached number nine, and if the elders were here they would say that it was a sign.
Everyone said the ninth would be the most special one, Nino thought as his consciousness slipped away.
---
Nino woke up in layers and layers of blankets again.
The sun was rising this time; orange and gold and blue and yellow greeted him as he tried to make his vision into focus.
There were no sounds of footsteps outside, but Sakurai was sitting beside him.
“What are you?”
Nino closed his eyes. His fear had come true -- he would have to leave.
When he opened them again, he was staring right at Sakurai. Sakurai’s brows were furrowed, his glare was suspicious, but there was concern in his eyes, and Nino’s heart fluttered at the possibilities that Sakurai might still care about him.
“You’re not an ordinary fox.”
Sakurai had found Nino in his animal form, when he was deeply wounded and could not manage his other form. Nino had came to the forest searching for a place to die, but Sakurai had found him, healed him, feed him, and kept him in his house. Nino closed his eyes. If he was not wounded, he could easily run away, but the pain was throbbing from his stomach, and Nino knew he had to answer.
He pretended not to hear Sakurai’s sudden gasps as he curled into a tight ball of white and slowly changed his appearance. Nino shook away the blankets.
Sakurai’s eyes widened, watching the alteration in a gaping silence until Nino transformed into a young man and conjured up his tails -- eight of them -- as a finishing touch.
Sakurai hadn’t closed his mouth yet.
Nino didn’t dare to move for a long time, and nor did Sakurai. He noted that Sakurai seemed to have lost his tongue, but that was to be expected. After all, there were no words that could really describe how a pet turned into a young man with eight tails.
Sakurai’s eyes were studying him from head to toe, from Nino’s pale skin to his light brown eyes to his stubby fingers and the scars in his stomach and continued down below, and Nino felt a sudden rush of heat creeping up his cheeks and ears. Nino couldn’t bring himself to look away, not before Sakurai did, so they stayed across each other like that for what seemed to be forever, until Sakurai let out a choked noise that sounded like a cross between fear and amusement, and Nino finally, finally, shifted a little.
“You...” Sakurai snapped back from his shock.
“Exist.” Nino’s voice was hoarse for not being used in a long time.
“I...” Sakurai scrambled to find the word.
“Healed me,” Nino offered helpfully. He wrapped himself in the blankets. “I am grateful.”
“Ah,” Sakurai covered his mouth, still unable to talk in proper sentences.
Nino rubbed his tails in one, two strokes before making them disappear. “I was about to get my ninth tail when my plan failed and I ran to the woods. You found me and brought me back to this house instead of leaving me to die. Thank you.”
It was strange, to converse with Sakurai like it was a normal situation, and Nino was not sure why he was being so honest. If he was asked later, he would said that Sakurai was still looking at him with the same tight steadiness, and the lie that usually came out easy was caught up in his throat. He took a deep bow.
“Where are you going?”
Nino lifted his head up.
He didn’t know where he could go and said as much.
What came next was unexpected.
“Then stay.” Sakurai leaned closer, and pressed their lips together.
Nino blinked, unsure if he had heard the right word. “Stay?”
“Stay.”
“Stay?”
“Stay.”
Nino decided that it had to be the most beautiful word ever said to him. “Stay.”
---
To Nino’s delight, nothing had changed much. Nino still sat beside Sakurai to watch him practice his swords or writing poems, and Sakurai still started and ended his day with reading a book. The difference was they were left alone more often. No one dared to come near Nino and he overheard the servants speak of how the young lord was cursed.
Sakurai could not care less. He was a prisoner in his house, and he longed for company, any kind company, or so Nino had told himself. Deep, deep within, Nino knew he had expected more, but he would never say as much.
The one meter distance easily became twenty centimeters and Nino could feel Sakurai’s warm breath near his face. Sakurai used to just smile at him and show him his drawings, but now that Nino could talk they would discuss everything but his origin and his wounds. They would sit together until late at night and Nino had this wonderful burst of feeling when Sakurai laughed at his jokes. Nino loved watching Sakurai when he was relaxed and full of laughter, mentally taking notes of the crow’s feet in the corner of Sakurai’s eyes when he smiled.
Nino was happy, but he was not at ease. His tails were itchy at night and his sleep was restless as he tried to ignore the call to gain his ninth tail. Sakurai had tried to kiss him twice, but Nino had denied him of both. No matter how badly Nino wanted to taste Sakurai’s lips against his, it was not right. Nino didn’t want Sakurai to be the ninth, but he also didn’t want to leave him. As the day went on, Nino lingered and lingered, and he knew he was getting even more attached to Sakurai.
Whenever he thought Nino was not looking, Sakurai would look at him with sadness in his eyes, as if he was afraid for the day of their separation.
However, Nino was always looking.
---
They found out about the intruder’s purpose on the same day a friend came to visit.
Another young lord from the north was rebelling against the current government and the Sakurai family had joined the war in his side. The victory would make the family regain their honor, and Sakurai would be free to return to his hometown. Losing, however, would cause the family to perish. Sakurai’s very existence was a threat. He might be allowed to roam freely in the house, but he was still a hostage, and his life could be taken from him any moment.
Nino was watching Sakurai from afar when he was trying to write a letter to his family. The mental struggle was clear on his face, his lips pursed into a thin, straight line and his hands clutching the brush so tightly it cracked. Nino wanted to go to him, to straighten up his brow, comfort him, and ease his worries, but his itchy tails reminded him of what he was, and what he was capable of doing. Nino restrained himself.
“Look at him brooding. Doesn’t he make you want to run and hug him?”
Nino had heard the voice too many times in his life and he immediately recognized to whom it belong to. He smiled.
“Jun.”
His best friend appeared on his side, dressed in black, his seven tails wagging in the back. His hair was swept to one side and there was a playful smile on his lips, but Nino had known Jun long enough to recognize that Jun was not actually that happy.
He admitted his sin before Jun was able to shoot him down. “I’ve stayed here for too long.”
Jun raised his eyebrow. “You’ve stayed here for too long.”
Nino gave an awkward smile. “Doing nothing.”
Jun echoed, “Doing nothing.”
“My wound has not healed yet.”
Jun glared at him, halfheartedly. “The Nino that I used to know would use it to gain sympathy.”
“The Nino that you used to know?”
Jun sighed.
“There is no other way, Nino,” Jun touched his hand, not unkindly, but Nino felt like Jun had come at him with a knife. Seeing Jun had brought Nino back to his senses and a future he was trying to escape from.
“There is another way,” said Nino calmly.
The disappointment in Jun’s eyes of how Nino even thought about that option was almost too much to bear. Nino wondered where the thought had come from and why now, when his childhood dreams were so close to coming true.
Well, in Nino’s defense, it was not entirely his fault. Sakurai Sho was rather irresistible.
“I will leave when summer comes.” He made a promise, a promise that he knew he would have to fulfill. For Jun. Or for himself. Nino wasn’t sure anymore. He almost asked why they had to make things so complicated, but Nino knew the reason better than anyone else.
“I’ll see you again, in the land we have always dreamed of.”
Nino nodded. “After the ninth tail.”
“After the ninth person.”
“When summer comes.” Nino repeated himself, long after Jun had gone.
---
Sakurai buried himself in his books the next day, and Nino transformed into a fox again, wriggling his way into Sakurai’s lap. Sakurai stroke him up behind his ears, reciting quotes from the book he was reading, and Nino purred, trying not to think about Jun’s arrival or the time to leave.
For a long moment they just sat there, enjoying each other’s presence. Nino watched the way the sunlight flooded in through the open door that lead to the garden, and Sakurai buried himself in the book.
Nino heard it first, the sounds of drizzle hitting the roof, and Sakurai noticed last, only looking up after water noisily splashed the ground.
Nino yawned and stretched under Sakurai’s hand.
“When I was a kid,” said Sakurai, startling Nino. “My mother told me not to go outside when rain fell from the sunny sky. She said a couple of foxes were having a marriage ceremony and we shouldn’t disturb them.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Nino was already in his human form when Sakurai’s eyes found him.
“You wouldn’t?”
Nino shrugged, almost absentmindedly. “Foxes can only come to the homeland after they gain nine tails. I only have eight.”
A pause.
“How do you gain the tail?”
Nino gave no answer.
“Is it where your wound came from?”
“I do not want to talk about that,” Nino instantly cringed after the words came out in a cold tone. He could see a flash of hurt in Sakurai’s expression. Sakurai was only naturally curious and it was wrong of him to react so harshly.
Nino opened his mouth quickly to correct himself but stopped when he saw Sakurai shyly turning away his gaze.
Sakurai’s ears turned red, and Nino only realized then that he was naked underneath the kimono. Sakurai’s lips parted, his eyes were back on Nino, and Nino thought about how summer would come soon. He leaned closer in, telling himself that a sweet kiss would hurt no one.
He could not be more wrong.
Sakurai’s lips were light and soft, and neither of them moved at first. Their eyes were still open, and Nino could see the sincerity in Sakurai’s eyes. Nino regretted it immediately. Sakurai was stunned, and Nino wondered what was going on in his mind when he decided to kiss Sakurai – and though he he knew the answer Nino liked to pretend he didn’t. He was about to draw back when Sakurai closed his eyes and held him closer, kissing him passionately.
Nino almost forgot to breath.
The kiss made him forget about who he was, what his tasks were, where the land he had always dreamed of was; and yet everything suddenly started to make sense because Nino had come to a conclusion that what mattered was only Sakurai, and Sakurai’s lips, and the way Sakurai’s body pressed against him. He could feel everything, from the way Sakurai’s lips moved against his to the way his fingers rubbed circles into Nino’s back. He moaned and Sakurai took the chance to deepen the kiss, nibbling at his bottom lip as he laid Nino down on the tatami floor.
He tugged Sakurai’s closer, lifting himself up, desperately trying to make the space between their bodies disappear.
“Can’t I be your ninth person?” Sakurai quiet question in his ears was unexpected and Nino’s heart stopped in his chest.
He didn’t know whether to cry or laugh.
Nino wanted to shout that Sakurai didn’t know what he asked for-- but how could he when Nino had never explained anything? Nino wanted to scold Sakurai for his bad timing, but he was also grateful that Sakurai asked before they went any further. It was wrong to do this. Not with Sakurai. The realization was almost too late, but Sakurai could still be saved.
Nino kicked Sakurai off, transformed back into his animal form, and ran off into the woods, ignoring the pleas that were calling him back.
---
Nino appreciated Jun for not greeting him with any variation of I told you so.
Nino appreciated Jun less for trying to persuade him to leave the woods every single day.
He reminded his friend that the promise was for the beginning of summer, not before, and he would stick to that vow, because wouldn’t Jun expect him to be true to his words in the first place? Jun opened his mouth to argue but closed it again fast. Nino’s eyes and nose were red, and Nino was looking back at Jun with unmoved determination Jun didn’t often see.
He was certainly displeased, but after the eighth day Jun gave up and let Nino watch Sakurai from the forest, muttering stalker under his breath as his last effort to bring Nino around.
Nino didn’t even flinch.
---
Nino didn’t know what made him hang about. Perhaps it was Sakurai’s smile, perhaps it was because he was tired of running, perhaps it was because Sakurai provided him with a home he never thought he would have.
Perhaps it was because of his simple wish for Nino to stay.
Nino didn’t want to put a name on what made him unable to leave.
---
Nino knew the moment was inevitable, but when the first pain came, it caught him off guard, and his fingers immediately went to the base of his spine, trying to ease it back from creeping through his entire torso. Nino had to bit his lips to prevent himself from screaming as it passed through his feet, his hands, his neck, his fingertips, his tails; it spread through him like fire. He tried to concentrate on the sunrays that were peeking through the bushes.
Nino started counting for the pain to stop, intentionally skipping number nine.
---
“Do you think foxes have their marriage during sun-showers?”
Nino turned to Jun, acting like nothing had happened. The pain had stopped when the rain started falling, and Jun came back to his side. If Jun noticed it, he hadn’t mentioned it yet, so Nino thought maybe he was lucky.
“We’ll know the answer soon.”
Jun glanced at the sky, but Nino’s eyes were fixed on the house. Rebellions were growing everywhere in the country, and the guards for Sakurai had doubled. It was getting harder to get a glimpse of his face -- a face that Nino wished he could see before the pain came again.
---
Nino didn’t get the chance. The interval between attacks was getting shorter, the pain was getting worse, and it was getting harder to hide it from Jun. Soon, Nino ran out of luck.
Jun dragged Nino out of the woods and into a hut in the village as soon as he knew it, giving a speech about how they should leave and how Nino should move on from the heartbreak because he was the one who chose to leave. Despite his harsh words, Jun was gentle, covering Nino up in blanket and never actually forcing him. If Jun wanted to, he could put Nino in a bag, quite literally, and they’d be on another side of town in the morning, away from Sakurai. Jun could do it, but he didn’t, and Nino was grateful.
One night, Jun woke Nino up as he regained consciousness from the pain. He could barely keep his eyes open at the best of times, and the best of times didn’t come often. Nino peered over his hand, vision blurry; they stared at each other for a few seconds, and Nino knew there was something serious Jun had to tell him.
“The battle is almost over.”
Nino swallowed. “Victory or defeat?”
“Sakurai’s house was taken over by the other side.”
Nino looked up at Jun and knew that Jun understood. Before he said anything, before he asked for Jun’s permission, Jun had opened the door for him, and Nino’s feet took him running to where Sakurai should be.
---
Sakurai’s house didn’t look any different when he arrived. The building was the same, only with different guards and servants, but it made no matter to Nino as they also never heard him coming. Even when his sleepiness hadn’t completely gone, he still remembered where Sakurai’s room was located, and Nino shuffled quietly into the bushes just in front of the room to see that Sakurai was not alone.
Another man with sleepy eyes and dark skin was sitting in front of him, sipping his tea calmly. Nino’s rough guess was that he had to be the one who took the house over.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t come sooner.”
The man started the conversation and Nino hid quickly; placing his small body in the nearest crack between two trees, his inquiring eyes never leaving Sakurai.
“No,” Sakurai took a bow. “Although I’m their hostage, they didn’t treat me poorly.”
“Ah,” the man returned the bow; a pleased smile came across his face. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Congratulations on your victory, Ohno-san.”
“Thank you.”
Both men smiled politely at each other and returned to burying their faces into their tea. Nino used the chance to observe every detail of Sakurai. This would be the last time he saw him. Summer was only a few days away, and Nino had to leave.
“I heard that you have a fox,” said Ohno, out of nowhere.
Sakurai choked, dropping his cup to the tatami floor with a thud, and Ohno’s eyes followed the movement curiously, as if Sakurai’s reaction and not his question was strange.
Outside, Nino’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t understand; why had Ohno asked about him? Nino lowered his head down listened more attentively.
“I did,” said Sakurai, after a pause.
“You don’t have one anymore?”
“It left me.”
“I heard stories.” Ohno only looked slightly uncomfortable. “Did it have more than one tail?”
Sakurai was not able to hide his surprise this time. “Yes.”
“Was it brown?”
“No. He was white.”
“Ah,” Ohno chuckled, but there was something in his voice other than just genuine interest. Nino wondered what it was-- loneliness? Grief? Disappointment? “So it’s not him. I thought I would be able to see him again.”
“See who?”
“My fox. He left me, too.”
“I, I’m sorry to hear that.”
After a moment of silence, Ohno quietly added. “He was brown.”
“What happened?”
“Didn’t your fox tell you before he left?”
“No, he just...” Sakurai trailed off, feeling uneasy.
“Ran?” Ohno supplied, like it had happened to him before. Judging from the kindness in his eyes, Nino didn’t think he was lying.
Sakurai nodded.
“Foxes must gain their tails.” Ohno said that like it clarified everything. “They have to, otherwise they die.”
“Tell me more.”
“When a person falls in love with the fox,” Ohno soothingly explained, “the fox will draw the soul out of the body. It will transform into their tail. When they have nine, they can go home.”
Sakurai ran his fingers through his hair, and Nino could see that Sakurai was slowly being affected by Ohno’s calming attitude.
Sakurai opened his mouth, closed it; he straightened his body before finding his voice again, his words spoken as if he had practiced them several times in his head. “Then I do not understand why he left. When I found him in the forest, there was a rumor of a fox demon that escaped from killing a lord. As soon as I laid my eyes on him, I knew that he was the one they were searching for, and I took him home hoping that he would take my soul instead.”
Nino’s heart sank. He almost jumped into the room.
What did it mean? So, Sakurai knew what he was, and took him home for a special purpose in mind. Nino wanted to be mad, he ought to feel betrayed, to be furious, to be hurt for Sakurai’s lies, but Sakurai’s voice had sounded so hopeful, so unsure, and Nino knew there were truth in Sakurai’s eyes and Sakurai’s kiss when they were together.
Nino started to feel the pain again.
“If it was love he needed, he could have me as his next tail,” Sakurai chuckled mirthlessly, “I never thought I would fall for a fox. I never even knew what his name is.”
Nino could see the way Sakurai’s face shifted, but for once he couldn't pinpoint the expression.
Ohno, meanwhile, nodded thoughtfully. “Perhaps it was because he loves you. He didn’t want to take your soul away.”
Nino thought it was unfair how Ohno was the one who understood him despite never meeting him, but perhaps it was because during similar experiences Ohno’s fox was better at explaining.
Sakurai was about to say something, but Nino never knew what, as the pain chose the moment to start creeping along his back, and Nino failed to held back a groan. Perfect situation.
Sakurai and Ohno immediately rose up.
Just as Nino was about to run, he saw them. There were intruders climbing the wall near Sakurai’s room, only a few feet away from him. Nino didn’t remember exactly how it happened, especially considering he was not meant to have any strength left, but he was attacking the intruders before he knew it.
One of the intruders groaned when Nino bit him, and his friend unsheathed his sword. Nino gasped, but the pain was nothing after all that he had endured during the past weeks. Nino didn’t let go and Sakurai was beside him the next second, strangling the man with the sword. The other men attacked Sakurai from behind, and Nino wanted to warn him of it, but Ohno had already taken care of them.
Sakurai shouted something, but Nino couldn’t hear it clearly.
Sakurai was safe. With that thought in his mind, Nino closed his eyes and started counting. He hadn’t even reached number nine when the pain took him away.
---
When Nino opened his eyes, he was surrounded by red. Red ceiling, red floor, red wall. No, Nino shook his head; after a closer look, the floor merely reflected the color of the ceiling. Nino glanced down and found himself staring at his own pale reflection, the reflection with eight tails in his back. Where was he? Did he actually die this time -- because, well, red was an appropriate color for hell, and certainly suited him better.
“Nino,” someone called out, and Nino immediately turned around.
A tall stranger was standing behind him.
Another fox.
His nine tails were wagging cheerfully on his back and there was a genuine smile on his face.
Nino squinted. He had never seen another fox with nine tails before. This had to be hell, but the stranger seemed too nice for a devil. “Who are you?”
“I’m the brown fox.”
Nino tilted his head and noticed that the other fox’s tails were brown, indeed.
The brown fox smiled. “I’m Aiba. Nice to meet you.”
Nino was still unsure. “The one Ohno talked about?”
“Yes.”
“The one who ran away from him?”
“Yes.”
“Aiba?”
“Yes.”
Nino sat down in the middle of the room. “Where are we, Aiba?”
“The border between our land and the human’s land.”
“Does this mean that I have died?”
“No, Nino,” Aiba moved to sit beside him. “But it’s true that you’re dying.”
“I see.” When the words were out, Nino was rather surprised how cold he sounded. Nino wondered why he didn’t feel anything. He used to dream about his home, counting the days – and tails – left to make it to that place. What had changed?
That’s when Nino realized that none of it mattered if he reached that place alone.
“Did you come to pick me up?” he asked lightly.
“I’m here to give you another option.”
Aiba sounded gleeful and hopeful altogether, looking far too excited for meeting a stranger like him, and Nino sat there, blinking, because he was not following, at all.
“So you won’t have regrets like I do.” Aiba added, crossing his arms like he was the solution of all Nino’s problems.
Nino didn’t know what to say. He settled for a ‘Huh?’ instead, which sufficed.
“We have to gain our tails, or we will die without ever seeing our homeland. That’s the only rule we know, right?” Aiba continued with the same eagerness, “After leaving Ohno, I arrived in the land of foxes, and found out about the other option I wish I had taken.”
“What kind of option?”
Nino had finally taken an interest to Aiba’s words, but all he got was a mysterious smile.
“Ohno knows. Ask him.”
Nino made a face, frustrated at how Aiba couldn’t even finish his explanation properly. It was not helping even in the slightest bit.
As he was aiming for Aiba’s neck, the room spun around, and Nino felt himself shrinking into the floor, his consciousness slipping away. Nino wondered how he could ever think that Ohno’s fox was better at explaining things than he was, because Aiba’s last answer was as vague and as confusing as every other sentence.
“It’s not as complicated as we think it is!” was the last bit of unhelpful advice Aiba screamed before the red room was gone from his vision.
---
Nino was not wrapped up in blankets this time. He woke to the sound of metal clashing together. Someone shouted, and when Nino turned to look, he was pushed to the ground.
“Stay low!”
Out of the corner of his eye, Nino could tell that they were in the middle of a battle. Ohno lifted his sword against someone’s, but Nino was safely surrounded by a pair of arms; Sakurai’s face only a few centimeters away from him.
Nino held on tighter.
“We were under attack.” Sakurai’s face was a mix between solemn and joyful, and Nino was too distracted by a little bit of blood on Sakurai’s forehead to ask why he seemed so happy. His hand immediately went up to sweep it off and Sakurai let out an awkward chuckle. “That’s not mine. It was... someone else.”
Nino stared at him, not sure how to react, and then he remembered. Sakurai Sho, the warrior. Of course it would take more than a few enemies to defeat him.
Sakurai swallowed and Nino broke his gaze with much difficulty.
Nino sat up and spotted Jun running towards him, wearing his usual worried expression. He was wrong; they were not in the middle of a battle, but there had been one. Sakurai stepped back and Jun took a glance at the wound on Nino’s back, looking ready to drag him out of the room. “I came as soon as I heard the shouting.”
The joy had disappeared from Sakurai, leaving only the grief behind. The emptiness in Sakurai’s eyes as they swept over the room was haunting.
“It’s over,” Ohno approached them with a calm smile, oddly unaffected by the sudden attack. “Is this your fox?” He tilted his head at Jun’s direction, “And your fox’s fox friend?”
Sakurai chose to ignore Ohno’s last two questions. “There’ll be another battle.”
“We’ll defeat him. Soon. The emperor. And then we’ll be free.”
“I’m not sure about freedom,” Sakurai took a deep sigh and Nino was looking at him, at the way his lips were pursed into a thin line and the way his brows furrowed, and the tired, exasperated look in his face. Nino recognized the loneliness that lingered in Sakurai’s eyes, but there was something else there, something that Nino had never quite understood before but he suddenly did, and then everything became obvious.
“You are done with war.”
Sakurai spun around.
“That’s why you took me home.”
Jun stood up. Ohno’s eyes were darting from Nino to Sakurai and back.
“You know what I am capable of.”
Sakurai’s mouth was opened but quickly shut, as though he had so much to say that couldn’t be said, but he knew excuses would fall flat.
“I have a vague idea.”
Nino bit his lip. The realization that Sakurai had planned to use him should have made him turn his back on him, but still that did little to stop Nino from wanting to be with Sakurai. Nino had no regrets. He could do all sort of things for Sakurai; Nino was just not sure he could extend that to taking his soul away.
“It’s just...” Nino looked up and Sakurai’s ears were red, “I took you home to give me death, but you’ve brought me to life instead.”
Nino’s next breath caught up in his chest.
“It’s been too long since I could recall living in peace,” Sakurai went on and Nino remembered the way Sakurai often saw him when he thought Nino was not looking. “Being with you brings back all of those memories.”
Nino had felt accomplished back then, floating from one person to the next, successfully gaining one tail after another. But nothing was genuine, everything was calculated. He was lonely and that had only when he lived with Sakurai. Nino wanted to add, you gave me life, too, but there were some things that didn’t need to be said aloud to be understood. He had meant something both to and for Sakurai; he had given Sakurai a reason to keep living, and now Sakurai could keep living even after he was gone.
The thought was comforting enough to help Nino leave Sakurai with more ease.
He nodded, the pain creeping over his back. Before he could take a step out of the room, a hand grabbed him. Sakurai’s.
“Do you think I’d let you run away again?”
---
It’s like everything was suddenly put into a long, stretching pause. The morning sun was shining through and Nino could see flashes of yellow in the blue sky. Nino thought of the day when Sakurai slipped inside the room -- just as his count reached number nine, and everything that happened between that day and this moment now.
Sakurai held his hand, tight, and Nino couldn’t let go. In the back of his mind, he could hear the promise he had made to Jun about reaching the homeland together and leaving Sakurai when summer came, but when he looked into Sakurai’s eyes and found him looking back, Nino knew he had been lying. The homeland didn’t matter anymore, because he had found it here, a place for him.
“Is it true that you are dying?”
Sakurai’s question broke Nino out of his trance. He turned around and saw neither Ohno nor Jun. Sakurai coughed and Nino’s attention was back on him.
“Will you die if you don’t find your ninth person?”
Nino wanted to lie, but he could feel the pain creeping up in his back, from the wound and a reminder of his future fate, and Nino’s lie was held in his tongue.
“I’m not able to leave,” he said the truth instead.
“Then take me.”
Sakurai was standing closer to him now and Nino swallowed. He wasn’t sure who had moved first, but suddenly their hands were entangled between their bodies. Nino unconsciously tipped himself a bit to the front, as if his body knew better and wanted to lean on Sakurai.
“There’s no point of saving your life if I’ll be the cause of your death.” Sakurai’s breath tickled his ear.
“There’s no point of reminding you the joy of life if I’ll be the one who takes it away.”
Sakurai twisted their fingers together as Nino’s words hung in the air. Nino let him, cherishing every moment.
"Look at us," Sakurai finally said, "trying to defeat each about who’s killing who."
If only there was any other way, Nino wanted to said. If there was indeed another way, Nino didn’t know what was it, and Aiba’s hints were not helping in the slightest.
“I don’t even know your name,” Sakurai’s laugh was bitter. “I thought I would find it easier if I never knew your name, but it seems that the name doesn’t actually relate to the feelings.”
Feelings. Nino had never hoped for anything more than the ability to ease the loneliness in Sakurai away.
“It’s Nino,” he said.
“Nino.”
Sakurai pulled him into an embrace, “Thank you for everything, Nino.”
“Sa...” Nino was about to call Sakurai, only to realize that he had never called him before.
“It’s Sho.”
"Sho," he said, the name felt comforting on his tongue. Nino couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh or both. He had to say it, because if not now, then when? He tightened his arms around Sakurai. On Sho. “I wanted to stay with you forever.”
For a brief moment of pause, Nino was afraid that Sho would push him away, but his worries faded when Sho’s lips found his forehead.
“I feel the same.”
All activity seemed to still for a moment. It was not something he could give a name to, but Nino had come to the decision that what mattered most was having Sho beside him.
And then, Sho was covered in a light, red glow.
---
The light started at his toes, crawling up his feet and sweeping past his body, trailing off to his hands, and continuing up to his head, as if the light had truly absorbed him.
Nino pulled back, watching in disbelief as the light transformed the man in front of him, slowly, surely, into something. Something that was not human.
The transformation was familiar but Nino didn’t want to believe it, because he had never, ever heard of something like this happening before. Nino was sure that he was wrong, he had to be wrong, but when the light was gone and he was left staring at a red fox where Sho had been, he couldn’t think of any other possibility.
Nino looked at the fox and the fox looked back up at him. Nino blinked and the fox blinked, and Nino picked the fox up from the tatami floor. A red fox with nine tails. “It can’t be.”
But it could.
The scared, frantic eyes that were staring back at him were definitely Sho’s. It was hardly the appropriate moment, but Nino thought Sho was as endearing as a red fox as he was in human form. Nino cradled the fox in his arms and Sho let out a yelp.
“Oh.” Ohno showed up from the next room with Jun behind him. “You found it.”
Jun was staring at both of them, mouth hanging open and looking completely puzzled. Nino made Sho give a little wave with his paw.
“The key to reach your homeland without having to sacrifice anyone’s soul,” Ohno continued merrily, like watching a man turning into a fox was his daily activity. “Is when the feeling is mutual.”
Nino exchanged looks with Jun. He didn’t want to believe it -- he would certainly laugh if he heard the stories from other party -- but he was holding that very proof in his hands. Jun made a gesture to his back and Nino found out that he had gained another tail.
The pain that had been torturing him for weeks was gone.
“Foxes are tricksters after all.” Ohno shrugged. “Things are not as complicated as we make them out to be. Sometimes, one soul can be far more precious than nine.”
“Well...” Nino put Sho down. “What happens now?”
“I don’t know,” Ohno said. “Do you want to stay here, or in your homeland?”
“I don’t even know we had a choice.”
“Well,” Ohno scrunched up his nose. “You do now.”
Even with Ohno saying that he had choices, Nino didn’t know what to do. At this point, Nino realized that his trouble had shifted; while he had been struggling to face his feelings, trying hard to accept that he would eventually stop seeing Sho, and when he was just able to decipher the loneliness in Sho’s eyes, this happened. Suddenly he was not obliged to search for the ninth person, he was not dying, he had completely obtained nine tails, and he had Sho near him, as a fox.
Nothing could have prepared him for this.
Nino was not sure what he was supposed to feel, but as he wandered his thoughts he could hear the echo of Aiba’s last words. He stopped questioning it then, stopped making it complicated. Nino had Sho, and they didn’t have to argue about whose life mattered the most. That was what important.
Sho was looking at him with tight steadiness, and Nino knew that together there was nothing they couldn’t work through. He remembered Sho’s weariness with war, about his exasperation of life.
“Jun.” Nino reached out for his best friend. “I’m leaving.”
Jun nodded. He seemed to have grasped the situation faster than Nino. “Goodbye,” he mumbled, burying his face in Nino’s shoulder.
“Follow me.” Nino patted Jun’s back gently, twice. “Find someone and follow me home. I’ll be waiting.”
Jun let go and Nino went back to Sho, holding him tight. Sho looked up and gave him a nod. Nino might not have all the answers, but he's satisfied. After offering one last polite nod to Ohno before closing his eyes, Nino was ready to start a new beginning.
---
“Ah,” Ohno lifted his head up. “Sunshower.”
He was standing in the middle of the road. The rain was soaking his body, splattering against the grass on the ground, but the sun was up. The warmth caressed Ohno's cheeks, and he smiled. Aiba had told him the meaning of sunshowers before.
He turned and found Jun trailing him. “Do you want to come with me?”
Jun was still for a moment, taking his time to think it over carefully. Then he shrugged. “I don’t know where else I could go.”
Rain was still falling and Ohno let Jun stand by his side, his heart feeling a little lighter. The war ahead didn’t seem as terrible when he company beside him.
Ohno thought that he would not mind ending as a fox. Later, after the battle was over. There was still time for that.
---
Nino counted to number nine before he opened his eyes. They were surrounded by rainbows; all sort of colors were there, flashing before their eyes, and Aiba greeted them with a wide smile.
“I told you it isn’t complicated.”
Nino’s grin was painfully large as he turned to Sho beside him.
“This was better than my original plan.”
Sho smiled back at him, and Nino beamed, pressing his nose lightly against his. Sho cupped his face and kissed him breathless.
For them, it was summer.
heavenlyjulietFrom:
jadeswallowTitle: Sunshower
Pairing/Focus: Sho/Nino, Jun/Nino friendship, past Ohno/Aiba
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: Nino just didn’t want to put a name on what made him unable to leave.
Notes:
Dear
heavenlyjuliet, this is my attempt at mixing feudal japan AU with magic, but it turned out more folklorish instead. I don’t know if I have been successful in writing your prompts, but I do hope that you’ll find this story enjoyable to read. This is, by far, the hardest ending I’ve ever written. I wish it’s a quite satisfactory (if not a little bit too chessy) way to end the fic.Dear I, thank you for being so amazingly patient with me.Dear K, you are the best ever and ILU ♥
Dear Nino, happy 29th birthday!
A little explanation from Wikipedia: sunshower is a meteorological phenomenon in which rain falls while the sun is shining. Additionally, the phenomenon has a wide range of sometimes remarkably similar folkloric names in cultures around the world. A common theme is that of trickster animals, or the devil, getting married, although many variations of parts of this theme exist.
Nino was lying still in the forest, curled up with his knees pressed tightly against his chest. He tried to locate his position, but his vision was blurring and his concentration was slipping away. Everything around him was white. White ground, white sky, white trees. He decided that it was not a bad place to die after all, where everything was white but for the blood dripping from his wound to the ground. His breath came out in tiny puffs, and Nino knew how close he was to the end. Nino’s last thought was that he had sinned for contaminating the white. Licking his lips and closing his eyes, he was ready to depart.
---
Nino woke up in layers and layers of blankets.
He blinked.
He tried to comprehend his situation, digging his mind to remember how he could end up in a room with tatami floors, still very much breathing. He turned his head and saw through the cracks at the window that snow had stopped falling and someone had swept the white from the trees.
No memory of what had happened between him dying and him being brought to safety came to him, but the world was suddenly filled with colors again. The sun was setting down and Nino flinched at the purple and pink and orange and blue that was leaking inside. He found himself wondering silently if he had gone to heaven.
The thoughts were stopped when he heard the sounds of footsteps outside; each step bringing the owner closer to the room he was in, and for a moment of panic, Nino thought he had finally been caught. He needed to run, but raising his head from the futon brought back the shooting pains from his stomach and Nino remembered about the wound. He winced and gasped and bit his lips to prevent himself from screaming, counting silently for the pain to go away.
There shouldn’t be any pain in heaven, so only one explanation was possible. He was alive and his life depended on the person just outside the room.
Nino was not sure about why he didn’t feel any kind of joy. Nino loved life (how could he not when he was so close to reaching his dream), but as his hand touched his wound, Nino wasn’t sure what he wanted.
He was at number nine when someone slipped inside.
---
Nino had seen a lot faces in his life, and he had learned to decipher every expression, every move, every gesture. The face Nino looked upon as he struggled to keep his eyes opened was of a young man who had gone through a lot of things in his life; a strong-willed survivor with sharp eyes and thick lips that quickly curled into a smile when he found Nino looking back at him.
Nino was too weak to speak his gratitude but he did hear the explanation of how he had been found in the middle of the woods. The man coughed and smiled again, and Nino could see the hint of guarded loneliness, but also cheerful optimism, in his eyes. Nino curled himself tighter and watched as the man squat down next to the futon, very awkwardly offering him a bowl of fruit.
The man was not a threat, Nino decided before closing his eyes. As he was drifting off to another sleep, he remembered that even if he had died, no god was that foolish to put him in heaven.
---
Nino was not exactly invited as a guest, but he was not asked to leave either. He took it as an excuse to come back to the same room every night and wandered to every corner of the house.
His steps were too light for anyone to hear him coming so he lurked from room to room, listening to the discussion between the guards, the whispers between the servants, the conversations between local farmers who brought the goods. It didn’t take a long time for Nino to learn that the man who saved him was called Sakurai Sho, and the house was built as his prison.
The fallen Lord, they called him behind his back. Sakurai’s father chose the enemy’s side at war, convinced that he had joined the winning side and would be richly rewarded. He was not wrong about the victor, but the lord he had helped declared that he could not put faith in a traitor. Duty and honor. The last Lord Sakurai had neglected those responsibilities and in consequences, and Sakurai Sho was kept as a hostage to ensure his family’s loyalty.
Sakurai had no friends and no true home. As soon as he was old enough to hold a sword, he was put in the front line of every war. Without a doubt, the lord – that had become the emperor-- wanted him dead. Every time, Sakurai failed the emperor’s hopes and came back without a scratch, and all the other lords knew their master wouldn’t be able to handle Sakurai for much longer. After the last battle, Sakurai was sent to this house to rest, but everyone knew its true purpose was to prevent him from getting stronger.
---
Nino had a few vague ideas about why Sakurai let him sleep in the house, but Nino was not the type who asked and Sakurai never clarified, so Nino prolonged his stay during the winter. He spent the day roaming around in the garden, nicking food from the kitchen, or sitting beside his savior to watch him practice his swords or write poems.
Sakurai always started and ended his day by reading a book, continuing a new one after a book was finished. He would eat his breakfast in the garden, his lunch in the dining room, and his dinner in his bedroom. Sakurai loved to plan his meals days ahead of time, always had to know exactly what he would eat the next day. He would practice his swords after lunch, and in the afternoon, he grabbed a stack of paper and wrote words upon words that Nino could not read, and added them to a tower of paper at the corner of his room. Nino thought it was weird, but he kept his comments to himself because Sakurai would immerse himself in those activities so passionately. Sometimes he would draw, and Nino would scrunch his nose up when Sakurai flashed the results at him. Above all the odd things Sakurai did, his drawings were the weirdest of them all.
They were often left alone in silence, but Nino could sense everyone’s sullen disapproval of him. The head of the servant asked Sakurai politely about his existence in the house, but Sakurai merely waved him away and Nino felt a tingle of unexplainable joy. He didn’t say anything but scooted closer to Sakurai, reducing the usually two meters distance into one.
Sakurai would look down and smiled at him sometimes, and Nino could see a glimpse of his loneliness. Sakurai was brought up in battles, and living without one had to feel odd for him.
Nino could comfort him if he wanted to, he could, but the memory of his last experience haunted him. The scar in his stomach was still fresh and would forever remind him of what he was, so Nino quickly averted his gaze away.
The snow was slowly melting and he woke up one night with a realization that it was the longest time he had ever stayed in one place without a purpose.
Sakurai’s breath in next room was heavy and irregular, and Nino laid awake the whole night thinking of a few variations of how he didn’t want, didn’t need, shouldn’t feel this. Nino should never feel so attached to something, or someone.
Nino silently made a promise to leave in the morning.
When the sun rose up, he saw Sakurai outside of his room, smiling the gentle, endearing smile of his, and found himself unable to leave.
---
Spring had come when he woke up to the sound of a person creeping up outside.
The person was skillfully trained, but the movement sounded thunderous in his ears. Nino opened his eyes and he was already in Sakurai’s room, ready to handle intruder before he was even fully awake.
Nino swallowed. His hand stopped mid-air.
If he woke Sakurai up, he would need to do a lot of explaining later on, and the fear almost sent back to his room. Nino tried to convince himself that he could find another place to live, but the intruder was coming closer and there were no good intentions in his steady, unhurried steps.
A shiver ran down Nino’s back that he couldn’t tell was from fear or from excitement or from something else he didn’t want to name. Nino just had to, just needed to, just very much wanted to see Sakurai’s smile again.
He made the decision knowing that a part of him would regret doing this. His touch was light, gone in a second, but it was enough. Sakurai sat up straight away, freezing when he saw Nino beside his futon.
Nino made a quiet gesture to the door, completely aware of how weird the gesture had to look like on him, on his current appearance, but the sounds of footsteps came again and Sakurai was immediately alert as he reached out for his swords. The young Lord’s face was firm and steady.
The intruder opened the door slowly; he appeared confident in fulfilling his mission, but Sakurai moved fast, and took him in a stranglehold. While the intruder was struggling to escape, Nino ran hurriedly to the door, throwing it wide open to let the moonlight in. His eyes scanned the intruder, but there was nothing special to distinguish the man, and Sakurai seemed to realize it as well.
Stifling the intruder, Sakurai hissed, “Who paid you?”
The intruder wriggled out of Sakurai’s hands, proving himself to be stronger than Nino originally thought he was. He ran to the garden outside, trying to escape, but Nino was faster. He managed to grab hold, but the intruder kicked him in the stomach and Nino was forced to let go, his wounds opening up again. Sakurai took the chance to pull the man’s clothes, throwing him to the pool just outside. The man tried to rise, but the water weighed him down heavily and he slipped back into the water.
Sakurai went after him and struck him on the face. “Where are you from?”
The intruder groaned, his breath coming in loud gasps. He tried to hit back, splashing Sakurai with water in his effort, but Sakurai held him firm. His long sword was on the man’s neck, the short one in the stomach.
The intruder gritted his teeth, and then he was dead before they could even react, collapsing into the ground.
Sakurai made a tsking sound. “Poison.”
Nino wanted to come to Sakurai, but he could barely move.
The guards and servants surrounded them soon, drawn by the noises. The women were screaming and the men were busy checking Sakurai’s condition and getting rid of the body. Sakurai, on the other hand, looked strangely composed for a man that was just about to be murdered in his sleep.
Nino curled up tighter. The blood was dripping to the tatami floor and Nino felt dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. It would be better if Sakurai had left him in the forest to die. Sakurai went inside the room when his count reached number nine, and if the elders were here they would say that it was a sign.
Everyone said the ninth would be the most special one, Nino thought as his consciousness slipped away.
---
Nino woke up in layers and layers of blankets again.
The sun was rising this time; orange and gold and blue and yellow greeted him as he tried to make his vision into focus.
There were no sounds of footsteps outside, but Sakurai was sitting beside him.
“What are you?”
Nino closed his eyes. His fear had come true -- he would have to leave.
When he opened them again, he was staring right at Sakurai. Sakurai’s brows were furrowed, his glare was suspicious, but there was concern in his eyes, and Nino’s heart fluttered at the possibilities that Sakurai might still care about him.
“You’re not an ordinary fox.”
Sakurai had found Nino in his animal form, when he was deeply wounded and could not manage his other form. Nino had came to the forest searching for a place to die, but Sakurai had found him, healed him, feed him, and kept him in his house. Nino closed his eyes. If he was not wounded, he could easily run away, but the pain was throbbing from his stomach, and Nino knew he had to answer.
He pretended not to hear Sakurai’s sudden gasps as he curled into a tight ball of white and slowly changed his appearance. Nino shook away the blankets.
Sakurai’s eyes widened, watching the alteration in a gaping silence until Nino transformed into a young man and conjured up his tails -- eight of them -- as a finishing touch.
Sakurai hadn’t closed his mouth yet.
Nino didn’t dare to move for a long time, and nor did Sakurai. He noted that Sakurai seemed to have lost his tongue, but that was to be expected. After all, there were no words that could really describe how a pet turned into a young man with eight tails.
Sakurai’s eyes were studying him from head to toe, from Nino’s pale skin to his light brown eyes to his stubby fingers and the scars in his stomach and continued down below, and Nino felt a sudden rush of heat creeping up his cheeks and ears. Nino couldn’t bring himself to look away, not before Sakurai did, so they stayed across each other like that for what seemed to be forever, until Sakurai let out a choked noise that sounded like a cross between fear and amusement, and Nino finally, finally, shifted a little.
“You...” Sakurai snapped back from his shock.
“Exist.” Nino’s voice was hoarse for not being used in a long time.
“I...” Sakurai scrambled to find the word.
“Healed me,” Nino offered helpfully. He wrapped himself in the blankets. “I am grateful.”
“Ah,” Sakurai covered his mouth, still unable to talk in proper sentences.
Nino rubbed his tails in one, two strokes before making them disappear. “I was about to get my ninth tail when my plan failed and I ran to the woods. You found me and brought me back to this house instead of leaving me to die. Thank you.”
It was strange, to converse with Sakurai like it was a normal situation, and Nino was not sure why he was being so honest. If he was asked later, he would said that Sakurai was still looking at him with the same tight steadiness, and the lie that usually came out easy was caught up in his throat. He took a deep bow.
“Where are you going?”
Nino lifted his head up.
He didn’t know where he could go and said as much.
What came next was unexpected.
“Then stay.” Sakurai leaned closer, and pressed their lips together.
Nino blinked, unsure if he had heard the right word. “Stay?”
“Stay.”
“Stay?”
“Stay.”
Nino decided that it had to be the most beautiful word ever said to him. “Stay.”
---
To Nino’s delight, nothing had changed much. Nino still sat beside Sakurai to watch him practice his swords or writing poems, and Sakurai still started and ended his day with reading a book. The difference was they were left alone more often. No one dared to come near Nino and he overheard the servants speak of how the young lord was cursed.
Sakurai could not care less. He was a prisoner in his house, and he longed for company, any kind company, or so Nino had told himself. Deep, deep within, Nino knew he had expected more, but he would never say as much.
The one meter distance easily became twenty centimeters and Nino could feel Sakurai’s warm breath near his face. Sakurai used to just smile at him and show him his drawings, but now that Nino could talk they would discuss everything but his origin and his wounds. They would sit together until late at night and Nino had this wonderful burst of feeling when Sakurai laughed at his jokes. Nino loved watching Sakurai when he was relaxed and full of laughter, mentally taking notes of the crow’s feet in the corner of Sakurai’s eyes when he smiled.
Nino was happy, but he was not at ease. His tails were itchy at night and his sleep was restless as he tried to ignore the call to gain his ninth tail. Sakurai had tried to kiss him twice, but Nino had denied him of both. No matter how badly Nino wanted to taste Sakurai’s lips against his, it was not right. Nino didn’t want Sakurai to be the ninth, but he also didn’t want to leave him. As the day went on, Nino lingered and lingered, and he knew he was getting even more attached to Sakurai.
Whenever he thought Nino was not looking, Sakurai would look at him with sadness in his eyes, as if he was afraid for the day of their separation.
However, Nino was always looking.
---
They found out about the intruder’s purpose on the same day a friend came to visit.
Another young lord from the north was rebelling against the current government and the Sakurai family had joined the war in his side. The victory would make the family regain their honor, and Sakurai would be free to return to his hometown. Losing, however, would cause the family to perish. Sakurai’s very existence was a threat. He might be allowed to roam freely in the house, but he was still a hostage, and his life could be taken from him any moment.
Nino was watching Sakurai from afar when he was trying to write a letter to his family. The mental struggle was clear on his face, his lips pursed into a thin, straight line and his hands clutching the brush so tightly it cracked. Nino wanted to go to him, to straighten up his brow, comfort him, and ease his worries, but his itchy tails reminded him of what he was, and what he was capable of doing. Nino restrained himself.
“Look at him brooding. Doesn’t he make you want to run and hug him?”
Nino had heard the voice too many times in his life and he immediately recognized to whom it belong to. He smiled.
“Jun.”
His best friend appeared on his side, dressed in black, his seven tails wagging in the back. His hair was swept to one side and there was a playful smile on his lips, but Nino had known Jun long enough to recognize that Jun was not actually that happy.
He admitted his sin before Jun was able to shoot him down. “I’ve stayed here for too long.”
Jun raised his eyebrow. “You’ve stayed here for too long.”
Nino gave an awkward smile. “Doing nothing.”
Jun echoed, “Doing nothing.”
“My wound has not healed yet.”
Jun glared at him, halfheartedly. “The Nino that I used to know would use it to gain sympathy.”
“The Nino that you used to know?”
Jun sighed.
“There is no other way, Nino,” Jun touched his hand, not unkindly, but Nino felt like Jun had come at him with a knife. Seeing Jun had brought Nino back to his senses and a future he was trying to escape from.
“There is another way,” said Nino calmly.
The disappointment in Jun’s eyes of how Nino even thought about that option was almost too much to bear. Nino wondered where the thought had come from and why now, when his childhood dreams were so close to coming true.
Well, in Nino’s defense, it was not entirely his fault. Sakurai Sho was rather irresistible.
“I will leave when summer comes.” He made a promise, a promise that he knew he would have to fulfill. For Jun. Or for himself. Nino wasn’t sure anymore. He almost asked why they had to make things so complicated, but Nino knew the reason better than anyone else.
“I’ll see you again, in the land we have always dreamed of.”
Nino nodded. “After the ninth tail.”
“After the ninth person.”
“When summer comes.” Nino repeated himself, long after Jun had gone.
---
Sakurai buried himself in his books the next day, and Nino transformed into a fox again, wriggling his way into Sakurai’s lap. Sakurai stroke him up behind his ears, reciting quotes from the book he was reading, and Nino purred, trying not to think about Jun’s arrival or the time to leave.
For a long moment they just sat there, enjoying each other’s presence. Nino watched the way the sunlight flooded in through the open door that lead to the garden, and Sakurai buried himself in the book.
Nino heard it first, the sounds of drizzle hitting the roof, and Sakurai noticed last, only looking up after water noisily splashed the ground.
Nino yawned and stretched under Sakurai’s hand.
“When I was a kid,” said Sakurai, startling Nino. “My mother told me not to go outside when rain fell from the sunny sky. She said a couple of foxes were having a marriage ceremony and we shouldn’t disturb them.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Nino was already in his human form when Sakurai’s eyes found him.
“You wouldn’t?”
Nino shrugged, almost absentmindedly. “Foxes can only come to the homeland after they gain nine tails. I only have eight.”
A pause.
“How do you gain the tail?”
Nino gave no answer.
“Is it where your wound came from?”
“I do not want to talk about that,” Nino instantly cringed after the words came out in a cold tone. He could see a flash of hurt in Sakurai’s expression. Sakurai was only naturally curious and it was wrong of him to react so harshly.
Nino opened his mouth quickly to correct himself but stopped when he saw Sakurai shyly turning away his gaze.
Sakurai’s ears turned red, and Nino only realized then that he was naked underneath the kimono. Sakurai’s lips parted, his eyes were back on Nino, and Nino thought about how summer would come soon. He leaned closer in, telling himself that a sweet kiss would hurt no one.
He could not be more wrong.
Sakurai’s lips were light and soft, and neither of them moved at first. Their eyes were still open, and Nino could see the sincerity in Sakurai’s eyes. Nino regretted it immediately. Sakurai was stunned, and Nino wondered what was going on in his mind when he decided to kiss Sakurai – and though he he knew the answer Nino liked to pretend he didn’t. He was about to draw back when Sakurai closed his eyes and held him closer, kissing him passionately.
Nino almost forgot to breath.
The kiss made him forget about who he was, what his tasks were, where the land he had always dreamed of was; and yet everything suddenly started to make sense because Nino had come to a conclusion that what mattered was only Sakurai, and Sakurai’s lips, and the way Sakurai’s body pressed against him. He could feel everything, from the way Sakurai’s lips moved against his to the way his fingers rubbed circles into Nino’s back. He moaned and Sakurai took the chance to deepen the kiss, nibbling at his bottom lip as he laid Nino down on the tatami floor.
He tugged Sakurai’s closer, lifting himself up, desperately trying to make the space between their bodies disappear.
“Can’t I be your ninth person?” Sakurai quiet question in his ears was unexpected and Nino’s heart stopped in his chest.
He didn’t know whether to cry or laugh.
Nino wanted to shout that Sakurai didn’t know what he asked for-- but how could he when Nino had never explained anything? Nino wanted to scold Sakurai for his bad timing, but he was also grateful that Sakurai asked before they went any further. It was wrong to do this. Not with Sakurai. The realization was almost too late, but Sakurai could still be saved.
Nino kicked Sakurai off, transformed back into his animal form, and ran off into the woods, ignoring the pleas that were calling him back.
---
Nino appreciated Jun for not greeting him with any variation of I told you so.
Nino appreciated Jun less for trying to persuade him to leave the woods every single day.
He reminded his friend that the promise was for the beginning of summer, not before, and he would stick to that vow, because wouldn’t Jun expect him to be true to his words in the first place? Jun opened his mouth to argue but closed it again fast. Nino’s eyes and nose were red, and Nino was looking back at Jun with unmoved determination Jun didn’t often see.
He was certainly displeased, but after the eighth day Jun gave up and let Nino watch Sakurai from the forest, muttering stalker under his breath as his last effort to bring Nino around.
Nino didn’t even flinch.
---
Nino didn’t know what made him hang about. Perhaps it was Sakurai’s smile, perhaps it was because he was tired of running, perhaps it was because Sakurai provided him with a home he never thought he would have.
Perhaps it was because of his simple wish for Nino to stay.
Nino didn’t want to put a name on what made him unable to leave.
---
Nino knew the moment was inevitable, but when the first pain came, it caught him off guard, and his fingers immediately went to the base of his spine, trying to ease it back from creeping through his entire torso. Nino had to bit his lips to prevent himself from screaming as it passed through his feet, his hands, his neck, his fingertips, his tails; it spread through him like fire. He tried to concentrate on the sunrays that were peeking through the bushes.
Nino started counting for the pain to stop, intentionally skipping number nine.
---
“Do you think foxes have their marriage during sun-showers?”
Nino turned to Jun, acting like nothing had happened. The pain had stopped when the rain started falling, and Jun came back to his side. If Jun noticed it, he hadn’t mentioned it yet, so Nino thought maybe he was lucky.
“We’ll know the answer soon.”
Jun glanced at the sky, but Nino’s eyes were fixed on the house. Rebellions were growing everywhere in the country, and the guards for Sakurai had doubled. It was getting harder to get a glimpse of his face -- a face that Nino wished he could see before the pain came again.
---
Nino didn’t get the chance. The interval between attacks was getting shorter, the pain was getting worse, and it was getting harder to hide it from Jun. Soon, Nino ran out of luck.
Jun dragged Nino out of the woods and into a hut in the village as soon as he knew it, giving a speech about how they should leave and how Nino should move on from the heartbreak because he was the one who chose to leave. Despite his harsh words, Jun was gentle, covering Nino up in blanket and never actually forcing him. If Jun wanted to, he could put Nino in a bag, quite literally, and they’d be on another side of town in the morning, away from Sakurai. Jun could do it, but he didn’t, and Nino was grateful.
One night, Jun woke Nino up as he regained consciousness from the pain. He could barely keep his eyes open at the best of times, and the best of times didn’t come often. Nino peered over his hand, vision blurry; they stared at each other for a few seconds, and Nino knew there was something serious Jun had to tell him.
“The battle is almost over.”
Nino swallowed. “Victory or defeat?”
“Sakurai’s house was taken over by the other side.”
Nino looked up at Jun and knew that Jun understood. Before he said anything, before he asked for Jun’s permission, Jun had opened the door for him, and Nino’s feet took him running to where Sakurai should be.
---
Sakurai’s house didn’t look any different when he arrived. The building was the same, only with different guards and servants, but it made no matter to Nino as they also never heard him coming. Even when his sleepiness hadn’t completely gone, he still remembered where Sakurai’s room was located, and Nino shuffled quietly into the bushes just in front of the room to see that Sakurai was not alone.
Another man with sleepy eyes and dark skin was sitting in front of him, sipping his tea calmly. Nino’s rough guess was that he had to be the one who took the house over.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t come sooner.”
The man started the conversation and Nino hid quickly; placing his small body in the nearest crack between two trees, his inquiring eyes never leaving Sakurai.
“No,” Sakurai took a bow. “Although I’m their hostage, they didn’t treat me poorly.”
“Ah,” the man returned the bow; a pleased smile came across his face. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“Congratulations on your victory, Ohno-san.”
“Thank you.”
Both men smiled politely at each other and returned to burying their faces into their tea. Nino used the chance to observe every detail of Sakurai. This would be the last time he saw him. Summer was only a few days away, and Nino had to leave.
“I heard that you have a fox,” said Ohno, out of nowhere.
Sakurai choked, dropping his cup to the tatami floor with a thud, and Ohno’s eyes followed the movement curiously, as if Sakurai’s reaction and not his question was strange.
Outside, Nino’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t understand; why had Ohno asked about him? Nino lowered his head down listened more attentively.
“I did,” said Sakurai, after a pause.
“You don’t have one anymore?”
“It left me.”
“I heard stories.” Ohno only looked slightly uncomfortable. “Did it have more than one tail?”
Sakurai was not able to hide his surprise this time. “Yes.”
“Was it brown?”
“No. He was white.”
“Ah,” Ohno chuckled, but there was something in his voice other than just genuine interest. Nino wondered what it was-- loneliness? Grief? Disappointment? “So it’s not him. I thought I would be able to see him again.”
“See who?”
“My fox. He left me, too.”
“I, I’m sorry to hear that.”
After a moment of silence, Ohno quietly added. “He was brown.”
“What happened?”
“Didn’t your fox tell you before he left?”
“No, he just...” Sakurai trailed off, feeling uneasy.
“Ran?” Ohno supplied, like it had happened to him before. Judging from the kindness in his eyes, Nino didn’t think he was lying.
Sakurai nodded.
“Foxes must gain their tails.” Ohno said that like it clarified everything. “They have to, otherwise they die.”
“Tell me more.”
“When a person falls in love with the fox,” Ohno soothingly explained, “the fox will draw the soul out of the body. It will transform into their tail. When they have nine, they can go home.”
Sakurai ran his fingers through his hair, and Nino could see that Sakurai was slowly being affected by Ohno’s calming attitude.
Sakurai opened his mouth, closed it; he straightened his body before finding his voice again, his words spoken as if he had practiced them several times in his head. “Then I do not understand why he left. When I found him in the forest, there was a rumor of a fox demon that escaped from killing a lord. As soon as I laid my eyes on him, I knew that he was the one they were searching for, and I took him home hoping that he would take my soul instead.”
Nino’s heart sank. He almost jumped into the room.
What did it mean? So, Sakurai knew what he was, and took him home for a special purpose in mind. Nino wanted to be mad, he ought to feel betrayed, to be furious, to be hurt for Sakurai’s lies, but Sakurai’s voice had sounded so hopeful, so unsure, and Nino knew there were truth in Sakurai’s eyes and Sakurai’s kiss when they were together.
Nino started to feel the pain again.
“If it was love he needed, he could have me as his next tail,” Sakurai chuckled mirthlessly, “I never thought I would fall for a fox. I never even knew what his name is.”
Nino could see the way Sakurai’s face shifted, but for once he couldn't pinpoint the expression.
Ohno, meanwhile, nodded thoughtfully. “Perhaps it was because he loves you. He didn’t want to take your soul away.”
Nino thought it was unfair how Ohno was the one who understood him despite never meeting him, but perhaps it was because during similar experiences Ohno’s fox was better at explaining.
Sakurai was about to say something, but Nino never knew what, as the pain chose the moment to start creeping along his back, and Nino failed to held back a groan. Perfect situation.
Sakurai and Ohno immediately rose up.
Just as Nino was about to run, he saw them. There were intruders climbing the wall near Sakurai’s room, only a few feet away from him. Nino didn’t remember exactly how it happened, especially considering he was not meant to have any strength left, but he was attacking the intruders before he knew it.
One of the intruders groaned when Nino bit him, and his friend unsheathed his sword. Nino gasped, but the pain was nothing after all that he had endured during the past weeks. Nino didn’t let go and Sakurai was beside him the next second, strangling the man with the sword. The other men attacked Sakurai from behind, and Nino wanted to warn him of it, but Ohno had already taken care of them.
Sakurai shouted something, but Nino couldn’t hear it clearly.
Sakurai was safe. With that thought in his mind, Nino closed his eyes and started counting. He hadn’t even reached number nine when the pain took him away.
---
When Nino opened his eyes, he was surrounded by red. Red ceiling, red floor, red wall. No, Nino shook his head; after a closer look, the floor merely reflected the color of the ceiling. Nino glanced down and found himself staring at his own pale reflection, the reflection with eight tails in his back. Where was he? Did he actually die this time -- because, well, red was an appropriate color for hell, and certainly suited him better.
“Nino,” someone called out, and Nino immediately turned around.
A tall stranger was standing behind him.
Another fox.
His nine tails were wagging cheerfully on his back and there was a genuine smile on his face.
Nino squinted. He had never seen another fox with nine tails before. This had to be hell, but the stranger seemed too nice for a devil. “Who are you?”
“I’m the brown fox.”
Nino tilted his head and noticed that the other fox’s tails were brown, indeed.
The brown fox smiled. “I’m Aiba. Nice to meet you.”
Nino was still unsure. “The one Ohno talked about?”
“Yes.”
“The one who ran away from him?”
“Yes.”
“Aiba?”
“Yes.”
Nino sat down in the middle of the room. “Where are we, Aiba?”
“The border between our land and the human’s land.”
“Does this mean that I have died?”
“No, Nino,” Aiba moved to sit beside him. “But it’s true that you’re dying.”
“I see.” When the words were out, Nino was rather surprised how cold he sounded. Nino wondered why he didn’t feel anything. He used to dream about his home, counting the days – and tails – left to make it to that place. What had changed?
That’s when Nino realized that none of it mattered if he reached that place alone.
“Did you come to pick me up?” he asked lightly.
“I’m here to give you another option.”
Aiba sounded gleeful and hopeful altogether, looking far too excited for meeting a stranger like him, and Nino sat there, blinking, because he was not following, at all.
“So you won’t have regrets like I do.” Aiba added, crossing his arms like he was the solution of all Nino’s problems.
Nino didn’t know what to say. He settled for a ‘Huh?’ instead, which sufficed.
“We have to gain our tails, or we will die without ever seeing our homeland. That’s the only rule we know, right?” Aiba continued with the same eagerness, “After leaving Ohno, I arrived in the land of foxes, and found out about the other option I wish I had taken.”
“What kind of option?”
Nino had finally taken an interest to Aiba’s words, but all he got was a mysterious smile.
“Ohno knows. Ask him.”
Nino made a face, frustrated at how Aiba couldn’t even finish his explanation properly. It was not helping even in the slightest bit.
As he was aiming for Aiba’s neck, the room spun around, and Nino felt himself shrinking into the floor, his consciousness slipping away. Nino wondered how he could ever think that Ohno’s fox was better at explaining things than he was, because Aiba’s last answer was as vague and as confusing as every other sentence.
“It’s not as complicated as we think it is!” was the last bit of unhelpful advice Aiba screamed before the red room was gone from his vision.
---
Nino was not wrapped up in blankets this time. He woke to the sound of metal clashing together. Someone shouted, and when Nino turned to look, he was pushed to the ground.
“Stay low!”
Out of the corner of his eye, Nino could tell that they were in the middle of a battle. Ohno lifted his sword against someone’s, but Nino was safely surrounded by a pair of arms; Sakurai’s face only a few centimeters away from him.
Nino held on tighter.
“We were under attack.” Sakurai’s face was a mix between solemn and joyful, and Nino was too distracted by a little bit of blood on Sakurai’s forehead to ask why he seemed so happy. His hand immediately went up to sweep it off and Sakurai let out an awkward chuckle. “That’s not mine. It was... someone else.”
Nino stared at him, not sure how to react, and then he remembered. Sakurai Sho, the warrior. Of course it would take more than a few enemies to defeat him.
Sakurai swallowed and Nino broke his gaze with much difficulty.
Nino sat up and spotted Jun running towards him, wearing his usual worried expression. He was wrong; they were not in the middle of a battle, but there had been one. Sakurai stepped back and Jun took a glance at the wound on Nino’s back, looking ready to drag him out of the room. “I came as soon as I heard the shouting.”
The joy had disappeared from Sakurai, leaving only the grief behind. The emptiness in Sakurai’s eyes as they swept over the room was haunting.
“It’s over,” Ohno approached them with a calm smile, oddly unaffected by the sudden attack. “Is this your fox?” He tilted his head at Jun’s direction, “And your fox’s fox friend?”
Sakurai chose to ignore Ohno’s last two questions. “There’ll be another battle.”
“We’ll defeat him. Soon. The emperor. And then we’ll be free.”
“I’m not sure about freedom,” Sakurai took a deep sigh and Nino was looking at him, at the way his lips were pursed into a thin line and the way his brows furrowed, and the tired, exasperated look in his face. Nino recognized the loneliness that lingered in Sakurai’s eyes, but there was something else there, something that Nino had never quite understood before but he suddenly did, and then everything became obvious.
“You are done with war.”
Sakurai spun around.
“That’s why you took me home.”
Jun stood up. Ohno’s eyes were darting from Nino to Sakurai and back.
“You know what I am capable of.”
Sakurai’s mouth was opened but quickly shut, as though he had so much to say that couldn’t be said, but he knew excuses would fall flat.
“I have a vague idea.”
Nino bit his lip. The realization that Sakurai had planned to use him should have made him turn his back on him, but still that did little to stop Nino from wanting to be with Sakurai. Nino had no regrets. He could do all sort of things for Sakurai; Nino was just not sure he could extend that to taking his soul away.
“It’s just...” Nino looked up and Sakurai’s ears were red, “I took you home to give me death, but you’ve brought me to life instead.”
Nino’s next breath caught up in his chest.
“It’s been too long since I could recall living in peace,” Sakurai went on and Nino remembered the way Sakurai often saw him when he thought Nino was not looking. “Being with you brings back all of those memories.”
Nino had felt accomplished back then, floating from one person to the next, successfully gaining one tail after another. But nothing was genuine, everything was calculated. He was lonely and that had only when he lived with Sakurai. Nino wanted to add, you gave me life, too, but there were some things that didn’t need to be said aloud to be understood. He had meant something both to and for Sakurai; he had given Sakurai a reason to keep living, and now Sakurai could keep living even after he was gone.
The thought was comforting enough to help Nino leave Sakurai with more ease.
He nodded, the pain creeping over his back. Before he could take a step out of the room, a hand grabbed him. Sakurai’s.
“Do you think I’d let you run away again?”
---
It’s like everything was suddenly put into a long, stretching pause. The morning sun was shining through and Nino could see flashes of yellow in the blue sky. Nino thought of the day when Sakurai slipped inside the room -- just as his count reached number nine, and everything that happened between that day and this moment now.
Sakurai held his hand, tight, and Nino couldn’t let go. In the back of his mind, he could hear the promise he had made to Jun about reaching the homeland together and leaving Sakurai when summer came, but when he looked into Sakurai’s eyes and found him looking back, Nino knew he had been lying. The homeland didn’t matter anymore, because he had found it here, a place for him.
“Is it true that you are dying?”
Sakurai’s question broke Nino out of his trance. He turned around and saw neither Ohno nor Jun. Sakurai coughed and Nino’s attention was back on him.
“Will you die if you don’t find your ninth person?”
Nino wanted to lie, but he could feel the pain creeping up in his back, from the wound and a reminder of his future fate, and Nino’s lie was held in his tongue.
“I’m not able to leave,” he said the truth instead.
“Then take me.”
Sakurai was standing closer to him now and Nino swallowed. He wasn’t sure who had moved first, but suddenly their hands were entangled between their bodies. Nino unconsciously tipped himself a bit to the front, as if his body knew better and wanted to lean on Sakurai.
“There’s no point of saving your life if I’ll be the cause of your death.” Sakurai’s breath tickled his ear.
“There’s no point of reminding you the joy of life if I’ll be the one who takes it away.”
Sakurai twisted their fingers together as Nino’s words hung in the air. Nino let him, cherishing every moment.
"Look at us," Sakurai finally said, "trying to defeat each about who’s killing who."
If only there was any other way, Nino wanted to said. If there was indeed another way, Nino didn’t know what was it, and Aiba’s hints were not helping in the slightest.
“I don’t even know your name,” Sakurai’s laugh was bitter. “I thought I would find it easier if I never knew your name, but it seems that the name doesn’t actually relate to the feelings.”
Feelings. Nino had never hoped for anything more than the ability to ease the loneliness in Sakurai away.
“It’s Nino,” he said.
“Nino.”
Sakurai pulled him into an embrace, “Thank you for everything, Nino.”
“Sa...” Nino was about to call Sakurai, only to realize that he had never called him before.
“It’s Sho.”
"Sho," he said, the name felt comforting on his tongue. Nino couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh or both. He had to say it, because if not now, then when? He tightened his arms around Sakurai. On Sho. “I wanted to stay with you forever.”
For a brief moment of pause, Nino was afraid that Sho would push him away, but his worries faded when Sho’s lips found his forehead.
“I feel the same.”
All activity seemed to still for a moment. It was not something he could give a name to, but Nino had come to the decision that what mattered most was having Sho beside him.
And then, Sho was covered in a light, red glow.
---
The light started at his toes, crawling up his feet and sweeping past his body, trailing off to his hands, and continuing up to his head, as if the light had truly absorbed him.
Nino pulled back, watching in disbelief as the light transformed the man in front of him, slowly, surely, into something. Something that was not human.
The transformation was familiar but Nino didn’t want to believe it, because he had never, ever heard of something like this happening before. Nino was sure that he was wrong, he had to be wrong, but when the light was gone and he was left staring at a red fox where Sho had been, he couldn’t think of any other possibility.
Nino looked at the fox and the fox looked back up at him. Nino blinked and the fox blinked, and Nino picked the fox up from the tatami floor. A red fox with nine tails. “It can’t be.”
But it could.
The scared, frantic eyes that were staring back at him were definitely Sho’s. It was hardly the appropriate moment, but Nino thought Sho was as endearing as a red fox as he was in human form. Nino cradled the fox in his arms and Sho let out a yelp.
“Oh.” Ohno showed up from the next room with Jun behind him. “You found it.”
Jun was staring at both of them, mouth hanging open and looking completely puzzled. Nino made Sho give a little wave with his paw.
“The key to reach your homeland without having to sacrifice anyone’s soul,” Ohno continued merrily, like watching a man turning into a fox was his daily activity. “Is when the feeling is mutual.”
Nino exchanged looks with Jun. He didn’t want to believe it -- he would certainly laugh if he heard the stories from other party -- but he was holding that very proof in his hands. Jun made a gesture to his back and Nino found out that he had gained another tail.
The pain that had been torturing him for weeks was gone.
“Foxes are tricksters after all.” Ohno shrugged. “Things are not as complicated as we make them out to be. Sometimes, one soul can be far more precious than nine.”
“Well...” Nino put Sho down. “What happens now?”
“I don’t know,” Ohno said. “Do you want to stay here, or in your homeland?”
“I don’t even know we had a choice.”
“Well,” Ohno scrunched up his nose. “You do now.”
Even with Ohno saying that he had choices, Nino didn’t know what to do. At this point, Nino realized that his trouble had shifted; while he had been struggling to face his feelings, trying hard to accept that he would eventually stop seeing Sho, and when he was just able to decipher the loneliness in Sho’s eyes, this happened. Suddenly he was not obliged to search for the ninth person, he was not dying, he had completely obtained nine tails, and he had Sho near him, as a fox.
Nothing could have prepared him for this.
Nino was not sure what he was supposed to feel, but as he wandered his thoughts he could hear the echo of Aiba’s last words. He stopped questioning it then, stopped making it complicated. Nino had Sho, and they didn’t have to argue about whose life mattered the most. That was what important.
Sho was looking at him with tight steadiness, and Nino knew that together there was nothing they couldn’t work through. He remembered Sho’s weariness with war, about his exasperation of life.
“Jun.” Nino reached out for his best friend. “I’m leaving.”
Jun nodded. He seemed to have grasped the situation faster than Nino. “Goodbye,” he mumbled, burying his face in Nino’s shoulder.
“Follow me.” Nino patted Jun’s back gently, twice. “Find someone and follow me home. I’ll be waiting.”
Jun let go and Nino went back to Sho, holding him tight. Sho looked up and gave him a nod. Nino might not have all the answers, but he's satisfied. After offering one last polite nod to Ohno before closing his eyes, Nino was ready to start a new beginning.
---
“Ah,” Ohno lifted his head up. “Sunshower.”
He was standing in the middle of the road. The rain was soaking his body, splattering against the grass on the ground, but the sun was up. The warmth caressed Ohno's cheeks, and he smiled. Aiba had told him the meaning of sunshowers before.
He turned and found Jun trailing him. “Do you want to come with me?”
Jun was still for a moment, taking his time to think it over carefully. Then he shrugged. “I don’t know where else I could go.”
Rain was still falling and Ohno let Jun stand by his side, his heart feeling a little lighter. The war ahead didn’t seem as terrible when he company beside him.
Ohno thought that he would not mind ending as a fox. Later, after the battle was over. There was still time for that.
---
Nino counted to number nine before he opened his eyes. They were surrounded by rainbows; all sort of colors were there, flashing before their eyes, and Aiba greeted them with a wide smile.
“I told you it isn’t complicated.”
Nino’s grin was painfully large as he turned to Sho beside him.
“This was better than my original plan.”
Sho smiled back at him, and Nino beamed, pressing his nose lightly against his. Sho cupped his face and kissed him breathless.
For them, it was summer.