fic for waxrose!

[nino_mod]

For: waxrose
From: :3.

Title: Garden of Firefly
Pairing: NinoxSho, NinoxOhno (past)
Rating: R
Word count: ~5900
Warning: none
Summary: Nino was lost when he had to let Ohno go. Until he met Sho who was also another lost soul.  Could they find courage to reach out and accept happiness from each other?

Note: Dear waxrose, I was so excited to be assigned to you because I am such a big fan of your work. I have tried several things in hope to please you. However, I had such a tough time trying to write lately. I still hope that this story would please you in some way. To the dearest Nino mod, thank you so much for your patient and your understanding. I deeply appreciate it <3


It was Ohno’s birthday and they decided to celebrate it with just the two of them. Nino sang Ohno a happy birthday and handed him a gift box. It was quite heavy and chunky for its size. The look Ohno gave Nino when he got the present made Nino’s heart beat faster. Ohno was visibly excited as he slowly unwrapped the gift. He reached inside the box and took out a camera.

Ohno's eyes gleamed excitedly. Nino smiled. He knew just the right thing to give Ohno for his birthday. The camera was of the latest model from the photographer magazine Ohno secretly kept under his bed. It had costed Nino more than anything he ever bought in his life, but the look on Ohno’s face when he unveiled the gift certainly worth it.

And the camera was meant for something more than just a normal birthday gift.

“Nino, this... is too much." Ohno sounded overwhelmed.

"No, it's not.” Nino smiled. He reached out and put his hand on Ohno’s shoulder. "Especially after you decided to stay here to keep me company for so long." His smile faded a bit. "It’s the least I can do to let you follow your dream.”

Ohno returned him with a smile.

The first picture Ohno took with that camera was of Nino.

.

The first time Sho met Nino he was shivering cold and soaking wet.

Sho had been wandering aimlessly for hours. He hugged his bag, which was the only possession he had left, so close to his chest. It didn’t matter that the bag was soaking wet and the contents inside was most likely ruined.  Sho needed to hold on to something. The feeling of the wet bag pressing against his chest comforted him.

Hours earlier, Sho was thrown out of his apartment with nearly nothing on him. He was several months late on his rent and his landlord decided not to tolerate him anymore. Sho didn’t blame the old lady though. He had been struggling with rents and other payments even before he lost his job. Sho spent the last few months finding work, something, anything he could get his hand on, to earn some money. Even that wasn’t enough.

Sho continued to walk. The rain became heavy. The wind blew stronger. He didn’t know where to go.

That’s when he met Nino.

“Are you lost?” A voice brought Sho back to the present. He noticed the absence of rain drops around him. He turned and saw a small man holding an umbrella for him.

Sho had been walking past the same house, Nino’s house, for at least four times. Nino noticed him and continued to watch the stranger from the second-floor window.

“Are you lost?” the small man asked Sho again.

“No,” replied Sho, although he was not sure it was perfectly true. Looking into the man’s eyes, he saw a real concern. It was a strange, unfamiliar feeling, to have someone showing a worry about him.

Nino was looking at him. His lips stretched into a thin line.

“If you are not lost, where are you going?” Nino asked. His eyes focused on Sho so intently that he had to look away.

“I don’t know.” Sho mumbled weakly. He felt tired. He didn’t realize his body was shaking from cold until Nino’s hand reached for his arm and held on to it to keep it steady. He looked up from the muddy ground and met Nino’s eyes. There was something inside those beautiful, brown eyes that Sho couldn’t describe. The way Nino was looking directly at him, it was as if he’s searching for something.

And it seemed Nino also found what he was searching for. The corner of Nino’s lips perked up a little.

“Why don’t you come in?” Nino asked simply. His hand that remained on Sho’s arm felt warm.

Sho looked at those beautiful brown eyes and saw what he had never seen in anyone. Because of it, he didn’t question why a stranger would invite him into his home. He didn’t think about the strangeness of the invitation and the possible danger of following the stranger into an odd-looking house. Sho looked at Nino’s eyes and he felt relieved. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off him.

So, Sho nodded and followed the hand leading him into the house.

Storm continued but Sho finally found a shelter. He felt that he might, finally, have found something he had been searching for.

.

What Nino remembered the most from that night was a small wooden doll they got from a trip to Niko. The doll was carved out of soft wood, just the way Ohno liked, and it used to have nice smell coming from it. Nino placed it on a small mental where he kept souvenirs Ohno got him. The doll was of particular significant because it reminded him of that time when everything was still happy and well.

"I have to go." Ohno's voice sounded like he was talking from a very faraway place when in fact the man was standing right in front of him.

Nino still kept his eyes on the wooden doll. He wondered if he still could find the shop where they bought it.

"Nino," it was Ohno again. Nino did not turn to acknowledge the origin of the sound. "I am leaving," there was a long pause, a sign, then it ended with, "this evening,"

"Would you be okay?"

Nino didn't reply. He couldn't get his eyes off the doll and his mind off that beautiful day.

.

Sho woke up to a smell of breakfast and an unfamiliar face looking down at him.

“Want something to eat?” The man asked.

Sho propped up from the sofa and looked around in daze. He tried to recall what happened the night before. He remembered the storm, he remembered the thunderous roars, he remembered the warmth of Nino’s body. Sho remembered he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

However, at this moment, Nino was gone.

Sho was still at the sofa in the living room; but, the atmosphere of the room had changed completely. There was a man in an apron standing just a few feet away. Smell of fresh pancake filled the air.

“I am making some pancakes and scramble eggs. Do you want bacon too?” the man asked. What captured Sho’s attention was the man’s thick eyebrows and his determined eyes. Despite a small smile plastering his face, he still looked intense.

Sho didn’t get a chance to reply. His stomach grumbled and did the telling. It confirmed Sho needed breakfast. The guy chuckled at the sound of Sho’s stomach. His expression softened.

“OK, it’s a yes, isn’t it?” He concluded and gestured Sho to the kitchen. Sho followed him obediently and sat in a chair at the medium size dining table. There was a stack of pancakes already on a warm plate and a bowl of beaten eggs waiting to be turned into scramble eggs.

“I am Jun, by the way.” The man introduced himself. Sho felt a little awkward to suddenly be sitting in a kitchen table waiting for breakfast made by a stranger, but given what happened yesterday, Sho decided to let his weird fate a slide.

Sho sat in the chair looking at Jun at work in front of the stove. Jun was humming a tune of some popular song while concentrating on the stove top. Sho’s presence didn’t seem to bother Jun at all.

“Aiba has left for work.” Jun said as he saw Sho looking left and right wondering about who else might be joining him. “I didn’t want to wake you up earlier. You looked like you could use some sleep.” Jun’s comfortable tone filled the air and it helped reduce the awkwardness Sho was feeling.

“Thanks for cooking breakfast for me. You really don’t have to.” Sho said apologetically.

“It’s OK. I am already cooking. Making some more isn’t a problem.” Jun assured him as he dropped a fluffy and delicious-looking pancake on Sho’s plate. Sho’s stomach rumbled again, so Sho didn’t wait for a permission to dig in.

Sho sat quietly eating his breakfast. It was delicious but Sho couldn’t enjoy it fully. Without Nino, Sho felt unsure about the legitimacy of his presence in the house. The longer he stayed, the weirder it became for him. It was getting late into the morning. Maybe he should leave.

But where to?

“Where is Nino?” Sho asked, wondering if Nino had gone to work. If he’s leaving, Sho wanted to at least thank Nino for last night.

“He’s in his room.” Jun replied. Sho was surprised by the answer and wanted to ask if Nino was coming down later but he didn’t want to intrude. If Nino didn’t feel like saying good bye to him, maybe Sho shouldn’t force him to.

“Nino brought you in last night, right?” Jun asked without turning from the stove. Sho suddenly felt a little embarrassed and only managed to mumble a weak affirmation.

“Did he say anything to you?” Jun advanced further.

“No. Nino didn’t talk much, really.” It was strange. Sho wasn’t sure he understood Jun’s question, but he replied truthfully anyway.

“It’s OK. I have to thank you anyway,” Jun mumbled. Despite his rather quiet voice, the word was sincere and grateful. Sho didn’t know why Jun would thank him. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

Jun ended up making a lot of pancakes but Sho also managed to finish everything Jun put on his plate. That seemed to please Jun a great deal. “You have an incredible appetite.” Jun teased as he put a last stack of pancakes on a separate plate. Sho thought they were for Jun but he was mistaken. Jun didn’t eat. He went straight to cleaning up, leaving the pancakes untouched.

Sho got up to help but Jun protested, claiming it’s only a few plates. When he’s done, Jun stripped himself of the apron and eyed Sho purposefully once again. Sho couldn’t meet Jun’s intense stare and had to turn away. He heard Jun making a “hmm.” sound in his throat as if he was pondering on something.

“You can take a bath if you want. The bathroom is to the other side of the stairs. I will get you some of Aiba’s cloth. It may be a little too big for your size; but Nino’s cloth is too small and all your wet cloths need a wash.”  Jun said and pointed to the bathroom. “I’ll show you the washing machine and other stuffs before I leave, in case you want to use it later.”

Sho wasn’t expecting that, yet he nodded in agreement. Jun disappeared to upstairs.

“Do you have anything you need to do today?” Jun asked when he returned and handed Sho a large T-shirt and pants.

“Err, no, not really.” Sho felt bad with the admission. He truly didn’t have anything for the day. There was no work and no appointment.

“Good. If that’s the case, don’t leave yet.” Jun told him. “Please have dinner with us.”

.

It was late at night. The sky was painted with stars in the pitch-dark, moonless night. Ohno sat quietly on the porch of his old room overlooking the small section of the garden and the clear view of night sky. He glanced up to the stars-filled night sky. He took a deep breath. It was one of the thing he missed the most of home.

The stars-filled night sky. 

That – and the person who was leaning against him right now.

Nino’s head was resting on Ohno’s shoulder. It was the pose they both grew up accustomed to since the early days when they were still young. They would always sit together like this – side by side, with Nino’s head laying on Ohno’s shoulder. They sat like that in silence, each kept in their own thoughts. Ohno looked at the sky and thought of the older days. He thought of the memories he had with the places since the earliest moments he could remember. And even though Nino wasn’t always there in all of his memories, he was in most of them - all the happy times and all the trouble times.

A nice cool wind from the mountain flew past them, and with it, the sweet scent of Japanese pine tree from the mountain. Ohno inhaled deeply and took in the scent of home that had always been engraved to his heart. It had been so long.

“I miss you.” Ohno whispered, breaking the monotonicity of the night. The body beside him moved slightly. Ohno could hear a long deep breath and Nino’s frame lifted up a little. There was a long period of silence, as if Nino was gathering his thought.

“I know,” Nino’s voice was quiet it could barely be heard.  Ohno sat still, his eyes kept on the night sky. It was as if his mind was wishing for more from Nino. He wished there would be a reprimand for his abrupt departure, a scold for his negligence to keep in touch, a reproach for his complete disappearance, or just a simple ‘I miss you too’.

But there were no other words. The night returned to the silence of the wind and nocturnal sounds. 

It was Ohno’s turn to inhale deeply. And he closed his eyes.

.

Sho found Aiba to be quite a special person.

When Aiba returned from work in the evening, he beamed the brightest smile at Sho and hugged him so tight Sho had problem breathing. Sho was pretty sure it was the first time he met the guy.

“Nino talked a lot about you,” was the first thing Aiba said to him, as if to excuse for his excessive friendliness. It made Sho wondered, it had been less than a day and he hadn’t seen Nino at all since last night. As far as Sho’s concern, Nino didn’t care enough to come down to meet him. What about him could Aiba possibly have heard from Nino?

After letting go of Sho, Aiba hopped into the kitchen for Jun. When he returned to the living room, he threw his bag on the floor and jumped to the sofa next to Sho. He took the remote control and started flickering through channels.

“Dinner is almost ready,” Jun shouted from the kitchen, “Aiba, go get Nino.”

Aiba’s look changed for brief seconds. However, before Sho could analyze anything further, Aiba’s cheery face returned, he shouted back to Jun affirmatively and ran upstairs.

Realizing he’s about to see Nino again, Sho’s heart beat faster. Suddenly, Sho felt nervous and anxious. He swore just a moment ago, he still thought he would be fine, even indifferent.

A long moment passed and Aiba hadn’t come down. Sho was sitting nervously while staring absentmindedly into the television screen. Until Jun came to the living room.

“It may take a while,” Jun said as he ushered Sho to the dinner table. Sho sat at the table full of food, not knowing if he could start eating. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long.

“I am starving!” Aiba’s voice arrived before he did. The tall man glided to his seat and stole a glance at Sho. Aiba’s eyes didn’t linger on Sho for long. Yet, it was enough to make Sho conscious.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Nino?” Sho wondered aloud seeing that Aiba started on the food as soon as he settled in his chair. Nino must still be upstairs.

“It’s OK. Nino isn’t coming down.” Aiba replied. He focused on attacking a piece of chicken and stuffed the food in his mouth to avoid answering anymore question.

As they sat together eating, Jun was the one who initiated the conversation with Sho properly. He started by asking general questions, like his job and his life before. When he knew Sho was from the same region as he was, Jun started talking about the area animatedly. Aiba chimed in from time to time, and Jun listened to their conversations with a small smile. Sho ended up revealing to them about his struggle to live in the city more than he meant to. They ended up chatting so loud and laughter soon filled the house.

“Nino!” Their conversation halted when Aiba shouted out the name. Sho turned around and saw Nino standing at the kitchen door, looking at them. Jun immediately left his seat. He went to Nino and ushered the newcomer to the seat next to Aiba who welcomed Nino with a warm smile. Sho hurriedly brought Nino a plate and utensils.

Sho looked across the table and his eyes met Nino’s. They were still the same eyes he saw the night before.

It took Jun awhile to put their conversation back to where they left. Soon, the kitchen was filled with laughter again. But somehow, Sho realized things were different. He noticed that Jun was a little distracted. Aiba talked a little too much and too nervously. Then, Sho realized Nino’s presence was the cause of all these.

No one mentioned anything aloud, but Nino didn’t laugh even once. Nino spent majority of the time glancing up at Sho from his almost untouched dinner plate.

When the talk died down toward the end of the meal, Sho felt conscious about his presence in strangers’ house again. Although the two-hours dinner talk made him a little more comfortable with them, he was still basically a stranger in their home.

“I am glad we have dinner together again.” Jun commented out of the blue. He was looking at Nino with a soft smile as he said it. “It has been a while.” Jun added. His voice was sweet and soft.

“It’s OK for me to have dinner in my room.” Nino said in reply. He kept his eyes on his plate as he continued, “I don’t want to bother you too much. You don’t need to come home and prepare dinner like this.”

“You know I love doing this,” Jun reassured Nino. He reached over and placed his hand on Nino’s shoulder. The smaller man shirked away visibly but not enough to make Jun let go. Nino looked up to meet Jun’s determined look. His eyes were still full of uncertainty and fear.

Sho couldn’t help feeling he’s intervening into something too private between them.

“Ermm…” Sho broke the silence. Eyes turned to him. “Maybe I should get going.” He stated in a normal tone and stood up.

“Where are you going? You’ve just told us you were kicked out of your place yesterday. It’s very late already.” Aiba stood up immediately and asked in an urgent tone.

Sho didn’t know where to exactly, but he’s not sure he should stay here either.

“Nino,” Aiba called his friend and looked at him expectantly. For some reason, Jun also turned to Nino as if waiting for him to do something, to say something.

Nino sit still. He didn’t look up from his plate. Another long period of silence went by. No one moved from where they were.

Finally, Nino perked up, just a little. For that brief moment, he glanced at Sho.

Sho knew that look, he knew that feeling. Nino was frightened, horrified even.

Sho’s lips unconsciously parted. Words threatened to come out, although he’s unsure what those words would be.

However, before Sho could say anything, Nino suddenly stood up and ran upstairs. Aiba immediately ran after him, leaving Jun at the table with a baffled Sho.

“Sorry about that. Nino hasn’t been himself lately.” Jun offered an apology Sho didn’t need. “He has lost someone,” Jun added but didn’t elaborate, and Sho knew better than to ask.

“I am sorry,” was all Sho could offer. Sho felt hopeless and foolish. “I wouldn’t know from the way he acted yesterday.”

Jun kept his eyes on Sho for a moment. Then, he sighed as if he made decision to do something he’s afraid he would regret. Jun moved to Sho’s side and turned the chair to face him directly.

“What happened yesterday – with you and Nino – that was different, it was a change. A very good change.” Jun said each word carefully. He stressed the term “change” in lighter, more cheerful notes. “Yesterday was the first time Nino left the house in weeks. And he even came down for dinner.”

Jun paused to make sure he got Sho’s attention before he asked.

“If it’s not too much, we would love you to stay, even for a bit longer.”

Sho listened to Jun’s proposal in complete silence. How could Jun possibly think anyone in Sho’s position could be something so important to someone, especially when they just met? Besides, how could they rely on someone like him? Sho wouldn’t even trust himself. How could the other trust him with such thing?

Sho couldn’t possibly do that. No. No way.

Jun was the first one to move after Sho stayed in silence for a long time. He stood up and gave Sho a warm and understanding smile before he added, “I am sorry to have trouble you with this. It’s irresponsible of us to burden you with such problem.” Sho got out of his chair and began taking plates and dishes back to the kitchen counter.

“It’s already late, please stay for another night.” Jun offered with all sincerity.

But how could Sho overstay their hospitality?

“Would you guys mind if I leave now?” Sho asked and immediately felt horrible saying it. However, he wasn’t sure staying here for another night would be OK after his silent refusal.  Sho himself didn’t feel OK. He felt ashamed and helpless.

Sho stood up and thanked them for the meal. It was the same time that Aiba hopped downstairs and into the kitchen. Seeing Sho standing up, Aiba immediately turned to Jun with a gleaming, hopeful look. Jun shook his head slowly, and the spark in Aiba’s eyes disappeared. Aiba halted before reaching the kitchen table, yet he nodded understandingly. That made Sho felt worse. However, Sho didn’t expect what Aiba did next. Aiba walked straight to him and pulled Sho in for a hug.

“Thank you,” Aiba mumbled into Sho’s nape as he squeezed Sho so tight Sho couldn’t breathe.

“But I am not staying,” Sho hurriedly explained, fearing Aiba misunderstood the situation.

“I know. Still, you have made Nino happier than what he has been in ages. You did something I can’t.” Aiba breathed through those words. Sho heard a muffled cry in Aiba’s words. He let Aiba hugged him for as long as it was needed. When Aiba finally let go of him, Sho looked at the man in the eyes, then he shifted to Jun’s.

“I am sorry,” Sho said with a bow. And even though everyone protested, claiming it’s nothing to apologize, he apologized again.

But it didn’t matter how horrible he felt. Sho really couldn’t do it.

They let him pack his cloth into his small backpack without disturbing him any further. Jun made Sho some sandwiches, “For late snack, in case you get hungry,” he told Sho as he thrusted the bag in Sho’s hands. Aiba hugged him again.

Sho mumbled a good bye and left the front door.

As he walked away from the house, Sho couldn’t help turning back. He looked up the second-floor windows.

And there Nino was, looking down from one of the windows, directly at him.

Sho thought of many things he should do in that situation. Maybe he should wave. Maybe he should shout a good bye. Maybe he should just bow his head in gratitude, or in apology.

However, before Sho could do anything, Nino turned away and closed the curtain. Sho was left standing alone.

Something stirred inside Sho. This wasn’t right.

.

“I want to know why you let him leave. Why didn’t you stop him?”

Nino did not reply right away. He kept his soft eyes on Jun’s accusing ones for a brief moment and smile lightly.
“You think I should?”

“You need him here.” Jun said strongly. He stressed out the “you” pointedly. It sounded as if he was blaming Nino for letting Ohno leave once again.

“He would not listen to anyone – except you. He would stay if you asked him to.” Jun’s voice became louder and louder as he continued, “You know what? I think he would never leave in the first place if you didn’t let him.”

Nino looked at Jun’s trembling frame with sympathy. Nino knew Jun meant well. He knew Jun tried several times to get Ohno to come home, and to stay.  Yet, Jun was powerless over Ohno’s carefree spirit. Jun had asked Ohno to stay – never to leave Nino – but Ohno still left anyway.

“I am sorry, Jun.” Nino said apologetically. He was sorry that Jun was sad because of him. But he wasn’t sorry he let Ohno leave when he did.

“You don’t have to worry about Ohno anymore,” Nino added, in almost emotionless tone, “he won’t be coming back anymore.”

Nino was certain it was for the best.

.

Nino didn’t know how he had become like this.

Nino always preferred staying indoor for as long as he remembered. He loved staying home and spending time in front of his computer. He thought it was OK to be like this. Some people didn’t like going outside. People were different. It’s OK to be different.

Then, Ohno left.

Nino was sad, of course. But it was for Ohno’s own good. Ohno wasn’t someone that should be forced to stay, to remain at the same place, with the same person. Nino was happy to see him go and live a free life, just like how Ohno must have loved.

What changed after that was something Nino realized much, much later.

When he realized something inside him had changed, Nino didn’t know what to do with himself anymore.

Nino saw his friends looking at him worryingly. Instead of wanting to reach out, Nino didn’t even want to face them. He didn’t want to meet Jun’s concern eyes. Even Aiba’s laugh started to make Nino feeling guilty. He must have made Aiba worried and Aiba had to pretend to be happy in front of him.

Nino knew he had to change but everything was too difficult, too exhausting. Nino knew he had to make that step to leave his comfort zone, but what for? What was the point?

That was until he saw a stranger wandering in the storm outside of his house. The stranger looked lost and dejected. It was as if the world had failed him. The stranger that Nino welcomed into his home had shown him he was needed.

Nino had not felt like that for a very long time.

But Sho was gone now. He walked out of their home, walked out on Nino, exactly a week ago. Since then, Nino kept telling himself that it was expected. Nino understood that no one would ever need him forever. Just like Ohno didn’t. Nino was fine to live with himself in his perfect, albeit small world, once again.


A knock on the door brought Nino back to the present. He knew it was Aiba, no one knocked with intensity like him.  Nino went to the door and opened it partially. Aiba’s face poked in. He was visibly excited and elated.

“He is back!” Aiba said in almost a shout. It was too loud for Nino and Nino had to give him a look. “Oh, right, I should make it clear.” Aiba still beamed at him despite Nino’s clearly unapproving stare, “Sho is here. He’s downstairs with Jun now. Why don’t you come join us?” Aiba asked cheerily. His gleaming, bright, sparking eyes shone so bright.

Nino didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect to ever hear from Sho again, let alone for Sho to come back. A strong feeling stirred inside his chest, threatening to explode. He knew it was because of Sho, because Sho was downstairs.

This was the chance for Nino to meet Sho again. The chance Nino never thought he would ever receive. Nino only needed to go downstairs and talked to Sho to grab that second chance.

But Nino wasn’t going to take that chance.

“No,” Nino replied to the surprised Aiba and immediately closed the door to shut Aiba out. He turned around, jumped back on the bed, and put the headphone on. The music blasted so loud there was no chance that Nino would hear anything outside of his room. No pleading voice from Aiba. No voices from the conversation downstairs. No laugh from Sho.

A million thoughts ran through Nino’s head, but he discarded every single one of them. Nino hated those thoughts and wished they would disappear. That all his feelings would disappear. He turned the volume of his music louder and wished he would never have to learn about anything outside of his room again.



But the thought of Sho kept Nino awaked at night. Nino’s glance shifted from his computer screen to the desk clock. It was half past two.

His stomach grumbled. Nino ignored the food Jun left outside his room earlier and now his body was screaming in hunger. He turned to his personal stock of cup-noodle and remembered he had eaten the last one in the morning.

His stomach cried again, and Nino gave in. He put on his slipper and stepped outside of his room.

The house was cold. Jun turned off the main heater every night before he went to bed, leaving the house at night cold and quiet. Nino didn’t like cold, but he welcomed the silence and quietness the night brought to his home.

Nino walked down the stairs, past the empty living room. He couldn’t help imagining Sho there hours earlier, talking merrily to Nino’s housemates. Nino let out a heavy sigh. There’s no point in thinking about any of that. He walked past the living room into the kitchen. And there it was, on the kitchen table, some food that Jun had cooked earlier and left them neatly for Nino. Jun always did this every time Nino refused his dinner.

Nino was heading to the cupboard to get a plate when he saw a light on the backyard patio. It wasn’t like Jun to forget to turn off the light there.

Nino moved to the switch for the backyard light when he saw a figure sitting in a chair looking at the night sky. Even with just the side frame, Nino remembered who that was.

His heart beat so fast Nino didn’t think it’s possible. His brain told him to step away, to run upstairs, but his legs walked toward the door and his hand reached for the door knob.

Sho turned around when he heard someone opening the door. His surprise look was genuine. He clearly didn’t expect a company. He certainly didn’t expect Nino. Yet, Sho smiled warmly and gestured Nino to join him. Nino didn’t, however, he remained standing close to the door way, looking at Sho in disbelief.

“You are still here.” Nino stated the fact blankly. Sho nodded.

“Why?” Nino’s voice was shaky. Emotions threatened to burst out of the small man.

“I came to see you. I am not leaving until I do.” Sho replied. He got up from his chair and walked toward Nino. Nino felt torn between running away and staying. The later won over. His body allowed Sho to walk up close. Nino felt conscious of the lack of gap between them. His heart continued to beat too fast.


“Why do you want to see me?” Nino asked again in almost a whisper. Sho’s hand reached toward the side of Nino’s face and his fingers gently touched the back of Nino’s ear. Nino closed his eyes to the touch. He remembered how he felt the night he first met Sho and how his body ached for another chance with him again.

Nino let himself being absorbed into the feelings. He let himself being wanted and asking the same thing from Sho in return. They stayed like that, their body merging into one, and Nino felt his soul had found the place he had been yearning for.

When Sho pulled away, Nino knew he would always crave for Sho’s touch. Always. But Sho wouldn’t let him have what he needed yet, at least not until he finished with his business of being there. Sho’s hand reached for Nino’s nape and held on to it gently. Nino felt as if Sho’s emotions rushing through his touch. Sho’s eyes were telling everything inside hisheart.

“Do you need me to stay, Nino?”

It was a simple, short question. Yet, it meant so much more than just those simple words.

Nino’s brain began to think, but it was almost immediately stopped by another kiss from Sho. When Sho pulled away again, he looked at Nino so intently.

“Just tell me what your heart tells you.” Sho’s eyes were strong and determined. “Don’t think, don’t let all those fears answer for you, just tell me truthfully whether you need me.”

“I do,” Nino replied simply, “but…” Nino wanted to continue explaining, because life was never just a simple yes or no.  However, Sho didn’t want to know any of that.

“And I want to stay.” Sho interrupted Nino’s words with his own. “I need to.” He repeated.

Nino suddenly realized he didn’t need anything more than this. He pulled Sho inside the house and headed for the sofa. The same place that they made love the first time they met. It was the same as that night. Nino let his heart lead him. He didn’t need his brain to tell him what he should or shouldn’t do.

They knew from the first time they looked into each other eyes that they needed one another.

This time, Nino allowed himself to let go.

.

Sho didn’t move into their house despite Jun and Aiba’s insistence. Instead, Sho had rented a small, very cheap place not far from theirs with help from some of Aiba’s friends. Aiba also helped Sho landed a small job with sufficient pay to sustain a life in the city. Sho had become a regular at their house and he usually stayed for dinner. He told Jun it was his cunning plan to save up some money; but Jun knew better. He also knew better not to tease either Sho and Nino about it.

What made Jun happiest, however, was dinner. Now Nino always came down for dinner, even on the days that Sho couldn’t make it, Nino would still come to join the rest of his housemates. It didn’t matter that sometimes Nino would refuse to talk at dinner. As long as Nino was there with them, Jun was happy.

The photo Ohno took of Nino was still placed on the mantle next to the wooden doll. Jun saw Nino stole a glance at them and smiled for the first time since Ohno was gone.

Jun knew, this time, Nino was truly happy.